Am I Wrong For Playing A Song That Maybe Disrespectful At Moms Funeral r/Relationships

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[00:02:33] If it matters, my alternate choice would be Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, which was her favorite song and we all listened to it in the hospital together after she passed. Now for me, I wouldn't be offended by this at all but I could see some people maybe being

[00:02:47] shocked if it came out of nowhere. So personally for me, I would still do it but I would find some way to let people know beforehand before it's played whether you include that in your eulogy

[00:02:59] or you let people know beforehand in some way. I like the fact that it will lighten the mood. For the majority of people who knew your mum, they must know about her sense of humor and would go

[00:03:12] along with it and would likely find it funny themselves but also I just want to say I'm really sorry for your loss at the same time. But A'Leary says, not the arsehole,

[00:03:23] and you introduced the song with something like, now you all know my mum had a quirky sense of humor and this was the one song she requested. If you're offended, well you'll have to take that up

[00:03:33] with her. Botsworth says why not put it in the program? There's usually a little folded paper thing with info in it for the mourners. You could also have the person who is leading the funeral

[00:03:44] to say something like, and at the request of mum's name, here's a song she chose to say goodbye with. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you find a way to honor your mum and

[00:03:53] the haters can stuff it. Opie says that's a really good idea. I haven't started drafting the program yet so I didn't think of that, but it would at least make it explicit that it's

[00:04:03] what my mum requested and not just me trying to be funny or whatever. Thanks. Cordelia says, anyone who really knew your mother would love it. It would be a wonderful way to honor her memory. Make an announcement before playing it, something like, mum specifically requested this be played.

[00:04:19] Please do not take it with disrespect or that it implies she's going to hell. The line is, she's gone to where the goblins go, below. We see this as simply below the ground, not hell.

[00:04:31] I looked up the lyrics to be sure, there's no mention of hell. And if she was really against a religious type of funeral you could play Going Home, a version of Dorak's 5th symphony,

[00:04:41] which is just gorgeous and can be heard either way. So on the one hand I think my mum's funeral and I should respect her wishes above anyone else's opinions. This is right and you should

[00:04:52] go with that. Funerals are for the living, but a surviving children and spouse are most important. My condolences for your loss. And a final comment from Weird Jellyfish who says you would not be

[00:05:04] the arsehole. Your mum made her wishes clear, anyone who would be offended is probably someone that didn't know her very well. I went to a funeral for a farmer a few years ago and they

[00:05:14] had a loop of 4 songs going the whole time. You could get through the first 3 songs but as soon as She Thinks My Tract Is Sexy by Kenny Chesney came on everyone was laughing. My dad

[00:05:24] has secured a promise from me since childhood to play Highway To Hell by ACDC at his funeral. My great aunt has made me swear to throw the flowers from her casket to see who will be next.

[00:05:36] These are the funerals. Some people have a sense of humour, some don't. Her mum had one and this is a wish. Honor it. Opie came in with a mini update 2 weeks later and said we decided to

[00:05:49] wait a bit to hold the celebration of life in nicer weather and closer to what would have been my mums birthday but I decided I'm going to play the Ella Fitzgerald version. Then 2 and a half

[00:05:59] months later Opie comes in with a full update and says hi everyone, I figured I'd come back and give you an all in update on how things turned out with my mums memorial service. I'm really grateful for

[00:06:09] everyone who convinced me that playing the song she chose was the right option. So yes I decided to go ahead and play the Ella Fitzgerald version of Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead after incorporating

[00:06:19] the story behind it in my eulogy which a few people suggested as the best way to bridge the gap between a serious occasion and a silly song. We poured a toast for everyone first and I told them

[00:06:30] we would raise a glass during the song and then introduced it like this. I'm sure you all know my mother had a wicked sense of humor and if you know where I'm going with this you know why I said

[00:06:41] it that way. For as long as I can remember she told me and everyone else that she wanted a certain song played at a funeral because she wanted everyone to laugh not cry and because she knew

[00:06:53] she wouldn't have to deal with it if anybody didn't get the joke but I think you'll all get it and despite the circumstances I hope this will be another happy memory that we all associate with

[00:07:03] and then I played the song and people immediately started smiling and chuckling when they caught on to what it was. A couple of people I worried about not finding it funny seemed to take it well enough

[00:07:15] they weren't giggling like everyone else but I think they're accepting of the song being what my mum wanted and afterwards a few people told me that the song was perfect and that they could

[00:07:24] totally see my mum requesting that. All in all it was a very nice celebration of life and I'm happy with the way things turned out. Oh dearie me that one got me going bloody onion ninjas around here

[00:07:36] again. Just brought back memories of you know when I was talking to my mum I can remember sitting on the bed next to her when we found out you know she hasn't got much longer with us and we were

[00:07:46] discussing funeral arrangements and I can always remember that line which is mentioned a couple of times within this story that you know the funeral service is for the living but I am super

[00:07:57] glad for you Opie I'm glad that things did go in the best way and I think you handled it perfectly and I know this one'll never happen but I always say to people you know when I'm gone what I want

[00:08:07] to be done is like a trebuchet on a beach and launched out to sea just because I think that'd be hilarious ragdoll style. I mean it probably I mean some people probably wouldn't find it very funny

[00:08:20] but I just the image of my head is just too much man. But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:08:33] and let's move on to another story. Now this story comes from a throwaway account from the relationship advice subreddit and says my fiancé told his parents we weren't together. My fiancé Jack and I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now and have a child together.

[00:08:51] My son 10 from a previous relationship who he had me raised since my son was 5. He proposed to me 2 months ago and I'm so happy. I struggled with discovering my sexuality and finally came to

[00:09:04] terms with being gay 2 years after my son was born and when I met Jack. I felt like my life was finally coming together. I had a fantastic son and a wonderful partner but since Sunday I've

[00:09:16] been conflicted about what to do. Jack's parents came for a surprise visit on Sunday and are staying with his sister. We went over to see them and he told me I was his best friend and nothing more.

[00:09:28] I kept quiet about it while we were there but when we got home I asked him why he said I was just a friend and he told me that his parents didn't know we were together. I was shocked and

[00:09:38] didn't know what to say so I just walked away and went into our bedroom. For context I've only met Jack's parents twice. Once when we were still friends and the second when we just started

[00:09:49] dating. He didn't want to tell them the second time as we'd only been together for a couple of months which I understood. He talked to his parents every now and then and I thought he would have mentioned

[00:09:59] that we were together especially when we got engaged. His parents were a bit absent when he was growing up but have gotten closer the past few years. They were supportive when he came out

[00:10:10] and didn't have any problem with him dating men. He has no problem telling other people we're together or expressing his love for me but when it comes to his parents he doesn't. I feel like

[00:10:21] he's ashamed or embarrassed to be with me and I don't know what to do. He's the love of my life and the first romantic partner I could be myself with. I don't want our relationship to end but

[00:10:31] how am I supposed to carry on when he won't even tell his parents about us? I know I need to talk to him about this but I don't know how to bring it up. I feel so upset about all of this.

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[00:11:41] hellofresh.com. And we're starting the comments with NoLifeGuard who says, I don't think he's ashamed of you or your family. He's probably ashamed of what they will say to you

[00:11:55] or to him. I'm bi. My sister knows this. My close friends know this. Some of my co-workers know this but my parents don't. My dad is very homophobic and even if I come out to my parents one day

[00:12:07] I wouldn't want them to know if I was dating a woman as I'm afraid my dad would say something or do something bad to her. I wouldn't want to bring her around him but I also would never hide

[00:12:17] her from my family. Hiding your partner is painful to everyone. Talk with your fiancé about this. He may have issues with his sexuality when it comes to his parents since it seems they are the only

[00:12:27] ones he's hiding you from. He needs to know that this behavior hurts you. The next commenter says your fiancé might be trying to protect you from them, especially if they've been estranged. You

[00:12:39] need to have a discussion with him about them, one where you aren't assuming he's ashamed of you but rather than he might be ashamed of them and even if he isn't ashamed of them they might be a threat

[00:12:49] to him and his chosen life. They aren't automatically entitled to information about him or his life, especially if they've done something in the past that he had to be protected from. HelloGenX says it sounds like your fiancé is grey-rocking his parents which means he's

[00:13:05] intentionally not telling them important info about his life. There are many reasons that he would do this and none of them are because of you. Grey-rocking parents is usually because the parents currently are or previously were abusive, narcissistic, pessimistic, controlling

[00:13:20] or some other mental health condition or personality disorder. Maybe his parents think bisexuality is just a phase and wouldn't be okay with him marrying a man or maybe his mom is one of those

[00:13:32] dramatic types that will take over all the wedding planning and driving crazy. You won't know until you have an open and honest conversation with him. And one final comment from Blueberry Batto says

[00:13:43] hey I think we need to sit and talk. I was hurt that you didn't tell your parents that we're partners. Is there a reason for that? And continues could be any number of reasons. He may as well feel

[00:13:54] as if his parents don't deserve to know much about his life. He's only known them a short time from an adult perspective. He's known them his whole life. Abuse takes many forms and neglect

[00:14:04] is one of them. A story that sounds relatively mundane to you isn't necessarily the entire truth of the matter, especially when you factor in child's emotions. His parents may well be supportive now,

[00:14:16] but that doesn't mitigate years of him feeling as if he didn't matter to them. Talk to your partner. He's the only one who has insight into his own thoughts and feelings. Sure, maybe he's hiding

[00:14:26] things out of shame. He wouldn't be the first. He won't be the last to do so. And he might be just reverting the behavior he knows with his parents. To share as little information with them as possible. Talk talk talk. Love isn't enough and without communication, real communication,

[00:14:42] love will never survive. So around three days later Opie comes in to update and says so Thursday night Jack and I sat down and talked. I asked him why he didn't tell his parents about us and he

[00:14:54] couldn't answer me. I told him how it made me feel and he just shrugged. I asked if he ever did this with his previous relationships to which he said no. I asked if his parents expected him to settle

[00:15:05] down with a woman instead of a man and he said his parents would be fine regardless of who he ends up with. I then reluctantly asked if it had anything to do with Max, my son, and he said no

[00:15:15] again. At this point I'm even more confused and started to get frustrated. I don't understand why he's hiding our relationship from them. I ended up asking him if it had something to do with me

[00:15:26] and I was met with silence. I asked him what I did wrong and he turned away from me and said that I didn't do anything wrong. I kept asking him but he still wouldn't answer me. I was getting annoyed

[00:15:38] and was going to go to the bedroom to cool down and try again tomorrow but before I could leave the room Jack spoke up. He told me that he was having doubts about our relationship and he didn't

[00:15:48] want his parents to know about us in case he decided to break up with me. I didn't know what to say so I just stood there staring at him. When he noticed I wasn't going to say anything he carried on

[00:15:59] talking. He told me that he began questioning our relationship before we got engaged and the reason he proposed was because he thought it would make him feel better about us but it didn't. I

[00:16:10] asked him if he wanted to break up and he said he didn't know. I feel numb right now. I thought Jack loved me like I love him but apparently not. The thought of him only proposing to me because he

[00:16:22] thought it would make him not want to break up with me hurts so much. So I guess the reason he didn't tell his parents about us wasn't anything to do with them but it was to do with us. To

[00:16:32] everyone who said it was between him and his parents thank you for giving me a shred of hope that it wasn't me. I really don't know where to go from here. Do I give him time or do I break up

[00:16:42] with him? I feel so lost. A couple of top comments from that says I'm not gay but I have been in love. If someone hid me from their family when they had never hid any of their previous relationships,

[00:16:54] went so far as to ask me to marry them but still was unsure of the relationship, I would leave because maybe this person loves you but they don't love you enough. You deserve to be loved

[00:17:04] with the same intensity as you love. Anything else and you are both just settling. Snowman Sweet says I'm so sorry that this happened to you. This says way more about him than it does

[00:17:15] about you. I would be very very hesitant to continue this relationship. If you do, you should get into couples counseling if you're able to. And I agree with the first comment on this one

[00:17:26] in that you know I don't see this as a relationship. I don't see he's treating you as an equal and you deserve much better than that. And I think that really pissed me off about this is that he didn't

[00:17:36] think he was going to stay with you but proposed to you thinking that's gonna plaster over whatever whatever was going on in his head. Absolute bullshit. Playing with your emotions like that

[00:17:46] is insane. But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story

[00:17:57] comes from the am I the arsehole subreddit. Doesn't have an update as yet from icylingenberry8128 and says am I the arsehole for banning my parents from a family event because they don't like my

[00:18:08] brother's wife? I'm always tempted just to say not the arsehole straight away in this situation because spidey sense is already telling me that the parents are arseholes but we'll find out we'll find out. So my 30 female little brother is 23. I have another brother that's 20 but this

[00:18:24] is about the 23 year old who I will call Blake. A few months ago Blake eloped with his girlfriend Shay 19 female. Our parents and my three sisters Mary 22 female, Fia 27 female and Sarah 25 female

[00:18:38] were livid like unusually angry. I was a little confused but I spoke to him and to me it seemed like he and his girlfriend loved each other very much and just made the rash decision to elope in

[00:18:50] Vegas. We live about three hours from Vegas so it's a popular day trip destination so they were there for the day and eloped. Like yeah it was a little silly but I don't understand why they're

[00:19:00] so angry about it. Blake and Shay didn't even tell anyone about their marriage until two months later. Blake and Shay are a very wholesome and dare I say perfect couple. They very obviously love each

[00:19:13] other, live together and split the bills, both study very good degrees and have two cats. I've always said you can't put a timeline on life. If they want to do marriage earlier than usual,

[00:19:23] who cares? My parents have made a point to not invite Shay to any family events since. They call up Blake and say don't bring your girlfriend. They refuse to acknowledge the marriage. Blake came the first two times they did this but left very early. He's always politely

[00:19:39] declined all invitations since then. I've tried to tell my parents that they are pushing Blake away and soon they can expect to never hear from him again but they don't seem to care. They take

[00:19:49] every opportunity to insult Shay even though they used to love her before the elopement. It's my son's birthday soon and I'm planning a big party. I sent the guest list in a family

[00:20:00] group chat and my parents saw that Shay was invited. They demanded that she's taken off but I refused. They were acting in a way that made me suspect they were going to make a scene there

[00:20:10] so I banned them. I don't want to isolate my younger brother and he hasn't been to any family events since he got married besides the two he left early. They are infuriated. They're

[00:20:21] threatening to show up anyway and think I have no right to ban them for someone who isn't part of the family. My sisters and youngest brother think I'm overreacting and I could've instead warned them to

[00:20:32] behave and told them they would be removed if they couldn't do so. They think the ban is nuclear. My parents are demanding an invite and an apology. Am I the asshole? RoyallyOkie says not the asshole. Your parents didn't get the memo that children grow up.

[00:20:47] They deserve to be banned and they should stay banned until they apologize and learn how to behave. It's easy for your other siblings to say you've overreacted because it's not their situation.

[00:20:58] I'm sure your brother will appreciate the support. Opie says I'm currently the only one with kids so my parents would be pretty upset if I banned them from seeing their only grandkids. My brother

[00:21:08] definitely appreciates my support in his own way. He's usually very quiet and not that expressive besides when he's with Shay and he randomly texted me the other day that he wishes he invited me to the elopement. It was very touching. EveningMulberry says not the asshole.

[00:21:23] Your parents are acting very irrational. Surely there must be more to this than them eloping. Even if it is about the elopement, why do they solely blame her? This is just odd. Opie says

[00:21:35] as far as I know it's only about the elopement. My parents and my brother haven't mentioned anything else. Kelly Smith says if I were a parent in this situation I'd be concerned that a 23 year

[00:21:46] old was marrying a 19 year old. I'd be doubtful the marriage would last especially because one is 19. That said my concerns would lead me to act the opposite. I'd be open and supportive to these young

[00:21:57] people. Keep communication open so I could be there for any struggles and to make the young woman ostracized is horrible. Opie you are acting like a good sister. And a final comment from WealthOK who says I think you're doing the right thing. Your parents are being awful obviously

[00:22:13] and by reacting that way about Shay being at the party you are hosting they are putting you in a terrible situation. They're putting themselves in a situation where now there are consequences for their actions. Sorry they're blaming you for their own behavior. You're not the arsehole. I

[00:22:28] think you're doing the right thing. Hopefully it'll be a wake up call to the parents. I know people on reddit are always like cut out those awful parents entirely without understanding how difficult and traumatizing it is for adult children to do that. Even if the parents are obviously

[00:22:42] misbehaving, hope the parents come around. Truly. Sorry this is happening. Now what do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Some people are suspecting additional information on the matter. What do you think? Let us know your

[00:22:57] thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute

[00:23:05] world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Ever catch yourself eating the same flavorless dinner three days in a row? Dreaming

[00:23:46] of something better? Well, HelloFresh is your guilt-free dream come true baby. It's me, Gigi Palmer. Let's wake up those taste buds with hot juicy pecan crusted chicken or garlic butter shrimp scampi. HelloFresh. Stop dreaming of all the delicious possibilities and dig in at

[00:24:05] HelloFresh.com. Let's get this dinner party started.