Am I Wrong For Being Upset That My Boyfriend Didn't Give Me His "First Slice Of Cake" | Reddit

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the true off my chest subreddit. And it says, my boyfriend did not give me the first slice of cake.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] It starts, I'm a 20-year-old female am from Brazil. And here it is tradition that in a birthday party, the person whose birthday is being celebrated gives the first slice of cake to their favorite person after everyone sings the birthday song. This week was my boyfriend's 24 male and he had three celebrations. One with his birth family, one with his adoptive family, and one with friends. Which was a surprise picnic that I had planned and organized.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00] He's had a very difficult life and his mums are really important to him. As the adoptive mum saved him from starving as a kid and raised him. Giving him a chance at life. And his birth mum battled very hard against poverty all her life. Struggling and fighting to keep her kids alive and well. So, of course, I never expected him to give me the first slice of cake at the family celebrations. But then there was the picnic. I spent weeks planning and reaching out to all his childhood friends, making sure they would come.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00] I went to bed at 2am the night before, making him his favorite cake. I spent a shit ton of money with food, drinks and gifts. I did not do it because of the first slice, of course, but at times I couldn't help but think. Now is my turn. Turns out, it was not. He has a best friend of many years. She and him were like brother and sister. They went through a lot of shit together. Like her losing her mum, him not having food to eat at home as a teen.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00] And even though they are so close, they don't get the chance to see each other very often now. As they both are very busy with life and all its shit. So, of course, he took the chance to show her some appreciation. She was so happy and, of course, I understood the situation. He sees me every day and he has the chance to honor me almost daily. He always makes me feel really loved and all and he can't do that with her. Also, I understand he wanted to show her that him having a relationship

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00] does not mean she is not his sister anymore. A priority in that sense. I'm not jealous because I know there is nothing romantic between them. She is pretty gay and polygamous. He is the most monogamous guy in the world and he worships me. But I couldn't help but at least feel a bit... I don't know. I just... Do I need to explain? Maybe disappointed. Maybe unappreciated. I feel like I can never be the most important person in the room.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00] We always talk about getting married. We are each other's life and still... Get me? And also, he did this in front of everyone. In front of all our mutual friends who don't really know her and all she means to him. So, I also kind of felt embarrassed. I'm just venting. I want to go home and cry a bit. I know I'm being childish but I guess I will keep it that way for now. Rich Add says to this one, Your feelings are valid OP. You can be both understanding and hurt at the same time.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not prone to overreaction and I'd struggle not to feel hurt. You sound like you have a great relationship with your boyfriend. Share how you're feeling and importantly, show him that emotion. Not out of spite but because if he's in it for the long haul with you, you can't save or spare him from that. He should see you in all your vulnerability to know how deeply this went for you. Commodore says,

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00] Turbion Web says, Oh girl, I'm so sorry. Your feelings are totally valid. I'd also feel a bit embarrassed in front of all your slash his friends who don't really know who she is. Just from reading this whole thing, you seem very understanding and sweet and really try to understand his point of view. I'd feel somewhat embarrassed too if he did that in front of all your and his mutual friends. Plus you did so much for him and put in so much effort and love. It would have made more sense for him to give it to you.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00] He could have honored his friendship with that girl in a different way or introduced her to his friends. I'm so sorry. Hope you can talk to him about this soon. Crazy Mastiff says, If this was a tradition which was part of my culture, I'd give the first piece to my dog at all times. Captain says, Fuck that. If it's my birthday, the first piece is mine. Priorities right there. Captain's like, I'm the most important in this room. Give me the first slice.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00] Moon says, I first learned about this tradition in my study abroad because my closest friend there was from Brazil. We'd only been friends for less than two months but she gave it to me and it was so sweet when she explained why. Me knowing me, I'd been annoyed even if I had done that party for a friend and hadn't been chosen. Can't even imagine with a partner. Hope you find a nice way to talk about this with him and I hope he's understanding. It sounds like you're in a good relationship but if he's offended by your feelings, it's not your fault for feeling them.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00] It would be his for not listening or understanding and that would be telling. That sounds like an absolutely super sweet tradition but also one that potentially, rarely let's say, could cause a little bit of drama which seems to be happening here. Just a little side story here. I was scrolling Reddit, I think it was like a couple of months ago and it's the first time I've actually seen this tradition. It was a video of like these two brothers I think they were.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00] One was a little bit older, I don't know, 10, 11 or something and the other one looked like about a seven year old or something like that. And, you know, he was just cutting his first, but it wasn't in English. But you could get the gist of what was going on and, you know, the captions as well. And this older brother gave his little brother the first piece of cake and the little brother absolutely burst into tears, was overjoyed, hugging his brother. It was the sweetest thing I've said. I was absolutely in bits that morning. Proper lovely it was.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00] And I think all the comments on this were absolutely right. You know, you know, you understand why he did it. You're not jealous and he shows you that love daily. But it also doesn't take away from the hurt that you're feeling. And I think that's 100% okay. And I think if OP was to approach him and say, you know, I get why you chose her, but it did sting a bit. It sounds like a decent bloke from what OP says. Hear, hear you out and understand your feelings. I certainly would hope so anyway.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00] It was also a little part of me wondering why, you know, this is a tradition. So it's expected it's going to happen. Why he didn't just say, oh, you know, I'm going to be given this piece to such and such for this reason, whatever. But please don't think I think any less of you. You're still my favorite person, etc. It was that little part of me as well. But OP did come in with an update and said, hi, everyone. Thank you for all the kind comments. Me and my boyfriend have very different energy spams.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00] So I usually leave hangouts a lot earlier than him, which is what happened today. So I left, posted the story on Reddit, took a shower and started to paint my nails. About three hours after I left, my boyfriend calls me. I pick up and he is sobbing. Notice he does not have Reddit and he does not speak English. So he didn't know about the post and I had not talked about my feelings with him yet.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] So he calls me absolutely pouring, saying he was going home and he had the best day of his life and that he loves me so much for doing this for him. And he spends the next 15 minutes talking between sobs and all the effort I put into the birthday celebration, thanking me for every single one of the things I did. Then he mentioned the cake slice. He said to me that throughout his entire life, because he's always had birthdays in his mom's houses. He'd never given a first slice to his best friend.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] He went through all of that with him. And that me being empathetic enough to let him do this was honestly one of the most special things I'd ever done for him. He told me she had been going through some very important stuff and he was not around ever because of work and college. And she was feeling very left behind because of this, which is a huge thing since they are basically brother and sister. So the cake made her cry so much. It was the first time he had ever done this and she finally felt like he had not forgotten about her.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00] And then because I made that much effort for him, he asked me to rest. He told me that this next week was going to be entirely for him to show me appreciation. He asked me to please for once not sabotage him showing me love and pampering me because I feel like I don't deserve it. Because he was going to take his savings to take me out and spend the week giving me surprises. I know him well enough to expect some love notes. Him showing up to surprise me at my place.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe even a song written for me. He also invited me to spend the weekend at his place. Just the two of us. He lives with his family and they are all going to the beach, leaving the house empty. So that he can cook me dinner and give me one of his one hour long full body massages. They're my favorites. Then after he said all that, I took the opportunity to tell him how I felt today. He listened quietly. When I was finished, he apologized saying he did not realize that was how I felt. And that was not his intention.

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00] He just thought that did not mean as much to me as it would have meant for his best friend. So he decided to honor her that way and then honor me differently with my princess week. But he told me he understood how I felt and that he was sorry anyway. We talked a bit more, but we got over the stuff pretty quickly. And it all ended up with us gossiping about the day. Because gossip, two friends of ours who don't really get along very well apparently, went back home together and half drunk after I left. Hmm. Man.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00] I love gossip. Don't we all? Well friends, I suppose that's my update. Maybe this is the day Reddit realizes that emotions are complicated and life is too. Which is why small moments don't define a relationship or someone's feelings. How we react to the situation and deal with it does. I love my boyfriend and he loves me a lot too. And that does not mean he does not have any found family beyond me. That also does not mean I'm not allowed to feel sad.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00] I have the right to feel what I feel and to be welcomed in that feeling being validated. I will marry this man. Mark my words. And I'm glad that things seem to end well after that situation. You know we've seen absolutely horror stories. So it's nice to see a happy update to this kind of thing. The fact that he got in touch with OP seemingly unprompted and explained. And OP was able to express her feelings which he took on board at the same time. And wants to treat her well as well.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00] Just sounds absolutely lovely. So I do really wish them all the best. How about you guys? What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from StrikerNoStriking who says My friends and fiance decided to harass me on stream. Firstly why did that username ring a bell to me? StrikerNoStriking. Is that Dora or something? Dora the Explorer? Is it Swiper? Bloody hell it doesn't matter. Let's get into it.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry if this doesn't belong on this sub. But I figured I might be able to get some words from other girl gamers with SOs. And my god my head is just reeling. I've been streaming for two weeks now. And tonight I was streaming by myself. My fiance is out playing board games with some friends of ours. I asked him to stop into the chat at some point. Because I thought it would be nice to have him pop in. I talk about my fiance on stream occasionally.

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_00] And I've gotten a request or two to see him show up in the cam. Tonight started off well. With some new viewers attracted by some VODs someone made of a tournament I participated in. And then I got some new people in the chat. The tone to their messages made me wary. So as soon as I saw the penis tip pic start to show up in chat. I banned. And then my phone started blowing up. I saw it was a friend of mine at board game night. So I figured she just wanted to chat about random stuff.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_00] I let it go and kept playing. And then other people started showing up in chat. And being kind of sleazy. Do you have a boyfriend? Kind of stuff. I started to think I was getting a mini brigade by trolls. My fiance's username shows up in chat. And I jokingly ask if he wants mod powers. I say it's him on stream. Thinking of the help the other guys get the message. Meanwhile I've got a quick lull in the game. And I figure I'd check my phone to see what my friend desperately needs. First message I read. Unban me.

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_00] I'll be good. Oh my god. It's my friend. Figuring she's learned I'm not going to put up with that crap after the ban. I am ban her. And the rest of the pic shows up. Immediate ban. I'm appalled. Meanwhile my fiance has started the freaking hashtag about the puppies. Referring to our dogs. I thought. But apparently it's about showing someone's chest or something. And then does the pika chew thing in chat? The guy I've admitted and openly adored on my chat is revealing himself to be an immature

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00] arsehole as a prank on my chat in front of my viewers. But I'm trying to gain an audience. To top it all off. After all my other viewers are chased away save three. The last friend in there starts talking about rehearsal dinner coordination for her wedding in my chat. With absolutely zero context for my viewers. My stream is not your GD group chat. I. I feel so hurt and humiliated. After they all left. All left before I could ban them. I'd lost all but one of my viewers.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00] I had to switch to my cool down game. That doesn't require as much concentration. Because I was reading my fiancee the riot act for doing that. He said that he understands my being upset. But I'm reacting really poorly. That I shouldn't ban ASCII art. Oh fuck that. Suggestive shit's not going to be allowed on my chat. Period. And that the pika chew was a mistake. Apparently with my attitude. My channel won't go well. Oh really? So tolerating your bullshit would have kept me viewers.

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00] After I'd been steadily increasing my views and follows. What? He did apologize and insist on talking more when he gets home. Instead of over chat. But I'm sorry. I'm so hurt right now. I can't believe that people I named my friends would do this to me. Sure it's light harassment. Nothing at all compared with the sorts of messages I get occasionally on LinkedIn even. And my fiancee admits that I handled it well with the bans and not discussing slash cutting out the trolls on stream. But I feel so betrayed.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_00] They wouldn't do this to our guy friends if they were on stream. And my fiancee didn't even defend me. He basically encouraged it. If I need to move this or whatever let me know. I just need someone to tell me that I'm justified in feeling this way. My very first case of trolling. And it came from the people I thought could support me. Oof. Poor OP in this situation. Trying to build something for herself. You know streaming's hard enough. Without your partner and friends actively sabotaging you at the same time.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_00] And like OP was saying at the end there. They was hoping that friends and stuff would be supportive. Not whatever the fuck just happened there. And again it's one of those situations where you called out the shitty behavior. And instead of you know taking responsibility for it. He's blaming her for a reaction. That's the huge red flag in this. That you're reacting really poorly. And your channel won't go well with that attitude. When she's really upset because she's been humiliated.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_00] And I did some googling because I wasn't sure what the Pikachu thing was all about. But apparently it's slang or meme speak for Pikachu. Essentially asking someone to show themselves on camera. Often with sexual undertones. Not 100% sure on that. So you have to confirm or correct me if I'm wrong there. The commenter says to OP. Jesus is bad enough when it comes from strangers. That it's coming from loved ones is doubly horrific. Hope you regain the viewers that you lost. And that your fiance gets a fucking clue.

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_00] The prospect of trolling a friend's stream might seem like harmless fun. I get that. But when he's being defensive and dismissive. Even after you let him know that this was important to you. And this prank caused you harm. No. Sorry. Fuck that. Just reading this made me so angry. He even tries to tell you your rules are wrong. And that your channel won't do well. Because of how you reacted to his childish prank. What the fuck? Hope the talk goes well for you OP. Whereas my dragon says.

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_00] Some people don't understand that their intent doesn't change their actions. What they did was bullying. Plain and simple. But because they thought it would be funny. They don't think they should be judged by their actions. They think their intention should give them a pass. In my experience trying to get a real apology. And some semblance of understanding from people. Who think I didn't mean it like that. Means they didn't fuck up. Didn't hurt someone and therefore didn't need to apologize. Is bloody impossible.

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00] Sorry you found out in such a confronting situation. That your friends and fiance are dicks. Inevitably irrelevant says. I feel like your feelings are completely justified. Because wow. Wow. I'm just blown away that they would do that. I think it's hard enough to put yourself out there on streams. You really make yourself vulnerable to an invisible audience. And you're banking some. On their ability to be decent human beings. To make it a good experience. That friends failed to live up to that expectation. Well. I'd be hurting too. I don't have any real advice.

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_00] So that they may be communicating to them. What they did was really insensitive. Have an internet hug from me stranger. So OP does update their post. And says okay. First of all. Thank you all so much for being there. Virtually. When I really needed some support. I'm really new to this sort of thing. So I wasn't sure if my expectations of what chat were too high. Or how other people would react in similar situations. The virtual hugs and suggestions were wonderful at a time. When I really needed them. So. On to the update.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00] I already updated a few kind folks. Who checked out my stream yesterday on the situation. But I thought I'd type it all out here. Obligatory clarifications. To answer a few common themes in the comments. This is the first time my fiance done something this disrespectful. Which is why I was shocked. It's entirely out of character for him. And we've been dating for three and a half years. And living together for one. He knew it was important. And has been very supportive of my efforts prior to now. Loaning me his headset. Helping me set up my dual monitors.

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00] And he's offered to fix the wonky arrow thing going on in broadcast. Honestly. I didn't really care about the stupid shit coming in chat. Less than 24 hours after this all went down. I had a rando troll ask if I'd ever shown my tits on stream. And I laughed it off and bonked him with a band hammer. It was the fact that my friends. And my publicly acknowledged fiance. Thought that this was appropriate on a stream that I ran. I was hurt. And humiliated. And confused. Not to mention furious that they'd run off my regular viewers. And yes.

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_00] I know how my regulars work. I got training in demographic slash audience retention from my day job. They were all drunk and together at the time. What happened? Not 10 minutes after I posted my story. My fiance came home. It was comparatively early too. And I found out later that he'd come home after our text conversation. Because he didn't want to have a conversation like this over the phone or via text. He's an in-person kind of guy for important stuff. He found me absolutely sobbing. Like snot dripping. Shoulder shaking.

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_00] Whole nine yards crying. Again it was not the comments that hurt me. It was the people behind them. He started insisting that it wasn't him behind the catfishing comments that the bride friend was making. Part of the original harassment was someone pretending to be a loner type guy looking for a girl. To be nice to him sort of thing. I just blinked at him thinking. You thought that was why I was upset. The dogs needed to be taken out and I couldn't stand to still have this discussion.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00] So still crying we went to walk the dogs in the neighborhood at 11pm. I promised I'd not yell outside and wake the neighbors. But yeah that didn't work out so well. Normally I like taking some time to decompress and put things into perspective. So I'm not emotional when talking things through. But we don't like to sleep on our anger and leave issues unresolved. It being super late our usual discussion schedule was greatly compressed.

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00] My fiance's side of this was that apparently the girls had said that they'd stream my stream next game night. And when my fiance told them I'd ask for him to pop on. They all decided to chat. They were used to the big streams and so thought those big stream behaviors translated to mine. They also thought they'd joke around with what they said and then reveal themselves. That's why my phone was going off like crazy when they realized I was getting upset.

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_00] I explained yelled to him and later my friend who was twice banned that the sort of joking around we do in private is one thing. This was very much public and recorded. For all it's online and for it to be a joke I'd need to be in on it. Otherwise it's a bunch of people saying things like lower the cam and posting dick butts on my chat with no context. And then I get to feel betrayed when I find out who did it.

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_00] I also explained to fiance that the reason I was most upset was that I asked for his help in being some in chat support to get rid of these trolls. And he just continued it. Apparently he was watching on his phone in chat only mode and didn't realize I'd asked. And he was defending me from some of the stupidest shit they were coming up with. Apparently. When the bride friend started her weird catfishing they all gave her the business and made her cut it out.

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_00] My twice banned friend said that the bride friend didn't know how the chat worked and that's why she posted wedding coordination there. I maintain that the issue was that I didn't know he was defending me. And he didn't do so publicly on the venue he was using to bring me down. It made me feel very small and like I couldn't trust him to support me on things I was trying to do. That's cut him. He thought it was little things like dick butts and immaturity that we'd toss around in private. But I'd somehow understand it was them goofing off.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] By my emphasizing the public nature of what they were doing and by really telling him how important the stream was to me. He realized that he way crossed the line. I think he thought I wasn't really going to take it seriously. He was surprised and pleased to learn that I had 40 plus followers in less than a month. As it is I've bought a website domain and paid to root whois registration through a proxy for privacy. Started a twitter and a blog working on becoming a member of a podcast and considering an ad campaign to really get things off the ground.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00] Once I figure out the format. That wasn't what he expected. Regardless of how important this is he understood that he had broken a trust with me. We went to bed with him apologizing a lot. A lot. He was no longer trying to justify his actions and understood. And said in his own words. Not just parroting. Why he was sorry. I spoke with my friend today. She didn't realize that my chat was any different than the big dogs chats. And thought I'd understand that it was them.

[00:23:17] [SPEAKER_00] She was annoyed that I banned her after the accidental posting of the second ASCII witch. Which was a Pikachu. But I was in such a tizzy at the time that I couldn't interpret it. And was scared it was profane. And before she could reveal her identity. She was also annoyed that I called her a bitch on stream. Well congratulations. When you act like a bitch. I call you one. I think I managed to convey that I thought she was acting like a bitch at the time. Not that she's a perennial bitch. The aftermath. I showed fiance the thread Saturday morning.

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_00] He snorted once or twice at the stereotypical Reddit reaction of you should dump him. Which I would if this were a trend. But after a bunch of men researching. I can't see this as part of a bigger pattern. But he got very quiet at a few comments. He said my post helped him see how things look from my side. And some of the comments were enlightening too. After he finished I got a cuddle hugs and more sorries. So thanks guys. Fiance spent all Saturday being apologetic. And taking on unnecessary extra chores to make up for it.

[00:24:17] [SPEAKER_00] Mostly dog related. I didn't ask him to but I understand the need to do penance. To make myself feel better after I fuck up. Stupid guilt centered tradition upbringing. We both suffered them. I'm not holding any grudges. And we're 100% fine. Bride friend did send a text saying that she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. Or that the stream was as important as it was. We haven't spoken since. But because her wedding is next Saturday. And fiance is a groomsman. I can't even have some time to talk with her about this.

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not going to shit on her wedding day. But this combined with other bits and pieces in the past. Has basically ruined any chance we had at being genuine friends. At least for the time being. The friend group actually liked the stream. Turns out the few questions they asked about the games were genuine. And they thought I carried myself well during the stream. Despite their comments. And in explaining the random indie games I was playing. That's a nice consolation prize. Twice band friend and I are good. She can be immature sometimes.

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_00] As can I. And was genuinely sorry that she hurt my feelings despite the mix up. The bot resources in the last thread would be put to good use. I didn't think I'd have to do that until I was a bigger streamer. But this has taught me that I have to manage my chat now. So it stays the chat I want to have in the future. Plus I plan on making two of my regular viewers mods. At least this whole incident finally made me look up how to ban someone. Again thank you so much guys. Your support. Even the ones who said uh. This is just twitch. Grow a thicker skin.

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_00] Made me feel a lot better. And helped put the incident into context. Opio also adds a comment saying. Actually I didn't lose my call in front of my audience. I was trying to convey the seriousness of what happened via text for the short remainder of my stream. He also understood that he was in the wrong. And was sorry about it before he read the post here. I showed it to him the morning after our discussion. Yes I agree. He didn't handle this especially well. No. His gut reaction of deflection. Slash defensiveness. Was not great.

[00:26:14] [SPEAKER_00] But that was why he came home early. To figure out what was going on in person. Instead of via text. Sometimes we can all be a little thick. I'm not going to throw away our relationship for a night's big mistake. Now will I be more careful and observant from now on. To see if he or our friends hold similar performances again. Certainly. I'm not an idiot. But after hearing their side of things. I can see why they might have gotten carried away on a joke. That wouldn't. Probably. Gone over well in person but not online.

[00:26:43] [SPEAKER_00] I made clear that I consider the internet. And my stream is public. And I don't think it'd be an issue. Still. I appreciate the concern. Thank you. Combinator says to OP. And quoting. I'm not going to shit on our wedding day. But this combined with other bits and pieces in the past. Has basically ruined any chance we had at being genuine friends. Or at least for the time being. And then says. Off topic. But how do you know her? OP says she's the sister of Twice Band. And she's engaged to fiance's best friend since high school. She's newest to the friend group since November.

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_00] And there was a mix of comments. Some people still saying. You know. He ain't going to change anytime soon. Other people saying glad. It was a happy ending in the end. And they was able to discuss things. But now. I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down. In the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much. And hopefully. I'll see you in the next one. Take care.

[00:27:43] [SPEAKER_00] And much love.