AITAH For Leaving The Holidays Early Over My MIL's Treatment Of My Daughter

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories of course. And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit from Posting4Advice and says Am I The Arsehole Here.

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00] If I went to a hotel with my kids because of my mother-in-law's behaviour with my daughter. I hope this is the right place to post. I apologise for asking on a short timeline. My husband and I are currently at my in-laws in Houston for the holidays. We live in Atlanta but here for the holidays to see them. Just a bit of context so my reaction doesn't seem over the top. My mother-in-law always wanted a grandson.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00] She used to say she was praying for one early in my pregnancy with my daughter. My husband and I didn't care. We just wanted our baby to be happy and healthy. After we had her she kept pushing for us to have another. My son is 4 months old and my 2 year old daughter is such a loving big sister to him. My mother-in-law's behaviour to them is definitely partial. From the amount of Christmas presents she gave to the amount of time and love she gives.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00] Now all these things are things that are her effort to distribute as she wishes so I didn't say anything. But today me and her were with my son. While my husband was cuddling with my daughter. They have a really close bond and she's a real daddy's girl. My mother-in-law snapped at him and said to forget her for a bit and give his attention to my son who needs it. She said it in front of my daughter who suddenly went quiet and looked confused and hurt.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00] My son has 2 adults with him. He didn't need my husband to turn his attention from my daughter at that time. I said as much and she said we're spoiling her to the detriment of our son and that he needs it more and we need to impress on my daughter boundaries. Again, all in front of her. I lost it. I took my son and my daughter and went to my husband's room where we're staying.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00] A few minutes later my husband came up, apologized for his mom, hugged our daughter and said granny was having a bad day but she loves you so much so don't take it to heart blah. I told him I'm seriously considering just booking a hotel for the rest of the time we're here. Till Saturday. He told me that would make things worse and that he had talked to her and fixed this. So he went downstairs again. But I'm still considering just going. Would that be an impulsive thing, an asshole-ish thing to do?

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00] Thanks. And add in this now. He told me he impressed upon her that what she said and did would distance us from her and that things would go smoother. He said that me leaving with the kids would make our daughter feel like she caused it which wouldn't be right. I asked him what exactly she said. He said she understood what he was saying but I asked him exactly what she said. And he just seemed evasive. And I've read some comments.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly, I'd much rather go back to Atlanta than stay in Houston at a hotel. I'll have to check how that can be done. He was asking me to bring us all back down. I said I wasn't ready but he has taken our daughter out with him to make her feel better. So clearly, the mother-in-law in this one is showing favoritism in front of the daughter at the same time which is absolutely awful. And then you've got your husband at the same time which is trying to keep the peace of course. With the comments like,

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00] Granny loves you, she's just having a bad day. Which, you should still be protecting her because this pattern isn't going to change if no one calls it out. And we shouldn't just be normalizing any sort of mistreatment like this. And making excuses for people like that. But what I really disliked at the end is the comment from him. The added part where it said, Leaving would make the daughter feel like she caused it. And you know, that's just manipulation isn't it?

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00] And the mum is simply protecting her daughter in this by removing her from someone who's clearly playing favorites. The husband needs to get on your side in this. But Mammoth says, Please keep your babies away from this woman. It will only get worse and it could affect the relationship between the siblings. The sibling relationship is the more important one. It will last long after the grand and parents are gone. Your mother-in-law will destroy their relationship by favoring one and teaching your son he is somehow more important than your daughter.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00] Used clock says, OP and the husband should be thinking about what Granny has said and will say to the daughter when they aren't around. And worse, the daughter will think she not only has to keep those awful things secret because her dad would be upset with her otherwise. But she probably won't see that as the abuse it is. Oh no, I haven't said this word in years. I haven't seen it in years. And I've forgotten how to pronounce it. I want to say it's criminy. The kid's two and she's already in for a world of hurt. Cry says,

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_00] Husband also needs to be honest about what his mother actually said. Hiding this from his wife isn't going to smooth things over. Mrs. Flying Panda says, Not the arsehole. What if you were not there to witness? What will your husband do? Also, I feel like this kind of treatment will just get worse as your kids get older. Unless mother-in-law will change. Your son will end up getting treated like a golden child by your mother-in-law. OP says, I hadn't thought of what my daughter might have heard from her in my absence.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00] It makes me feel sick to my stomach. We live far away and there's not that much interaction. But there's definitely been times when I'm not there and it's just the two of them. It makes me sick to think of. Spill that tea to me says, Absolutely not. He has already started sweeping it under the rug. He told your daughter that his mother didn't mean it. She absolutely meant it. She has no shame about what she just did. The only way she might stop is if there are consequences right now.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00] Go get that hotel and maybe you can salvage a relationship with her. Maybe. OP replies saying, This is going to sound like weaponized incompetence because I'm a grown woman with kids, but I don't want to have to stay in a hotel in Houston for days without him. If I go, I'm going to need him to come with us. So OP did update the post and says, Hi, I wanted to provide an update since some of you had asked.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly, I was avoiding it initially because I had gone against the advice given. My daughter and husband had come back last night with him showing her around the area. My daughter was happy and my husband said, It made it clear to his mom that the favoritism wouldn't stand. So I chose to stay. This morning, my mother-in-law was extra sweet to my daughter, showing her stuff around the house and kitchen. It seemed a bit fake syrupy sweetness to me, but I thought, okay, maybe I'm cynical.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00] She's trying and my daughter can't tell, so it's all good. And the morning went fine. But after lunch, when we were in the living room, she was telling my daughter her responsibilities as an older sister. That her brother is a baby and younger than her and that she needs to now be a big girl and make sure he's happy. It maybe doesn't sound bad in words, but the tone was one of a lecture.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00] So I just said Jazzy is a baby too and tickled her to make her laugh and just kind of put her at ease and defuse the tension of the lecture. At this, my mother-in-law said she's just fulfilling her right and responsibility by educating my daughter. That she's her dad's mom. She's earned the right to educate her grandkids. Again, in front of her. That was it for me. Maybe in isolation, it wouldn't have.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00] But considering yesterday, I told my daughter we'd play with the toys in the room and took her and my son up. I called my husband and told him what had happened. He kept asking how she said it and the setting. And I was just like, you know, I planned to give her an honest chance this morning. Otherwise, I would have done all this yesterday. And to trust me when I'm saying she crossed the line. I told him I'm changing our flights to catch the earliest one out. I need him to come with us or he has to tell our daughter why daddy isn't coming back home with us.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_00] He said he'll come to and sort out the flight. I told him I just want the earliest one whenever it is and told him to come back. He's out with his friends today. He told me later we fly out early tomorrow morning now. The last flight today was like two hours from our call, so it wouldn't be enough time and he'll be here soon. I'm just packing our stuff up now. I went downstairs a few times to grab some of our stuff. She tried talking to me telling me to calm down. I just told her he'll talk to her when he comes.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00] I should have listened and just done this yesterday. I deserve any incoming criticism. I'm so angry with myself too. My daughter has had to be in an uncomfortable position twice rather than once because of that. And we could have celebrated New Year's Eve in Atlanta instead of here. Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it so much. And a final update. We're at the airport now waiting for boarding. I thought I'd give my last update now since I'm going to be really tired back at home.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00] When my husband spoke to her, I have to admit that I eavesdropped. I don't know if that makes me an asshole, but it is what it is. It concerned my daughter so I feel it was okay for me to do it. And if it was super private, they shouldn't have been doing it in the living room. He was really disappointed with his mom saying they'd gone over this yesterday. That she'd given him her word to drop the favoritism. She denied any favoritism and said I was overreacting and just looking for an excuse to go.

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00] Never mind that if that were the case, I would have done this yesterday or two days ago now since it's past midnight. She also said if I was the one with the problem, why does everyone have to go? She came up to say goodbye to us before she went to sleep. To her credit, she didn't make a scene in front of my daughter and said her goodbyes to us. She was obviously cold with me, but I mean, that's to be expected. Thanks again for all the help and happy 2026. Hopeful Eeyore says to OP, rooting for you.

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_00] I think you've done great in a really difficult situation. And also, I think you're a great mom. OP says thank you. That means a lot to me. Desiree says, and we're not going to criticize you. We advise you to do a hard thing. It's understandable you chose to give it another shot. But now you know. Mother-in-law can't be trusted. Your husband needs to support you. Hope for the best for your kids. Searoof says it's easy for strangers on the internet to tell you to just leave or just tell the person off.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00] But in practice, it's more difficult. Well done for getting the flight and getting out of there. Travel safe. Bonus mom says, and good job to hubs for not dismissing OP and saying I'll come later. While staying with his parents or rejecting anyone leaving early. And there was many other comments after this one pointing out this probably isn't over for OP just yet. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00] And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Leather from the marriage subreddit and says, How do I, 29 female, address my husband, 32 male, starting an adoption process without consulting me? It starts. I can't stop overthinking. I'm 29 female and have been with my husband, 32 male, my entire adult life. We have two kids, age 6 and 3, and a wonderful life.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_00] Last week I noticed my husband was unusually tense. I assumed it was work pressure and gave him space. Three days ago he sat me down and asked how I'd feel about adopting a two year old boy. I was stunned. We talked about having four or five kids but adoption was never part of the plan. He explained that he knows a woman and her child, and the woman passed away, and that he really wants to adopt the boy. He asked me to think about it and give my opinion.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_00] I don't mind adoption in general, apart from the fear of whether I can really handle it, but the suddenness made me question things. My husband is the kind of person who would do anything for kids, so I understand his urgency. Something I stumbled upon later was a letter from an attorney in his desk explaining the adoption process and expenses. It seems he has already started legal steps which stung. Why so sudden? Why decide something this big alone?

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_00] Financially we can manage, but everything about this is making me question so many things. I want to talk to him, but I feel like I'm already behind in a decision I never agreed to be a part of. Major, huge red flags in this situation, and we all know where we're going to go with this story, that potentially that child is his. But even if it wasn't his, him making this decision unilaterally like this would be a massive red flag anyway.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00] But there was lots of things jumping out, him being tense for the past few days, the woman passing away. I mean, when and how does he know this woman anyway? He's already got the legal paperwork sorted out, and now has turned around to ask your opinion like it's still up for discussion, even though he's already made the decision. And like I said, the questions that I'll be curious about is who is this woman? How did he know her? When did she die? And how did he become the person to adopt her child?

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00] And why is he the one pursuing it, not the child's family, etc.? And has he been financially supporting them? Again, you hope he could probably check their accounts to see that, see if there's a pattern going out. And then of course the final question, is the kid his? Agile comes straight in and says it. It seems likely that that is his child. Beep says if it's his child, I don't believe he would need to go through the adoption process. Just needs a paternity test to take custody.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00] Adoption is a hell of a process to go through unnecessarily. Hmm. Mild says I think he has taken a chance to hide from his wife that he is a father. If he just adopted a child, she might not never know that he is a dad. If he adopted, he would just be a man with a kind heart, caring about the child's destiny. If he will openly tell her it's his kid, she's more likely going to leave him. Wyd says ask him directly if he's the father and ask for a DNA test before you even start talking about it.

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00] You'll see the truth right away by the look on his face. In that case I would immediately file for divorce. So OP comes in with an update. And they say, so my new year is basically ruined. We finally had the talk. He sat me down on his own and explained everything. It is his child. The child's mother, 22 female, was a barista near his workplace. She was struggling really bad. He got close to her over time.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00] Not in a chasing each other way. More like something that slowly crossed lines over time. He started helping her. And eventually he was effectively living a double life. She had been doing better. And her death was unexpected. He says he genuinely cared about her. The child is healthy and currently in care. And he wants him. He said he wants me. He wants our family. And he wants to do this honestly. Not by hiding or justifying it.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00] And assured me that me and my kids would be his first priority no matter. He also said that if I cannot accept the child, he will find another solution. Honestly, hearing all this has fried my brain. Somehow I asked what he would do if the roles were reversed. He smiled and kissed me and said he would divorce me. This hurt more than I expected. He said that's why he isn't forcing me to make a decision. What surprised me most is how he said it. There was no defensiveness. No begging.

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00] No minimizing. He said he knows exactly what he did. And he accepts whatever that means for our marriage. I feel numb. Not angry the way I expected to be. The hardest part for me is realizing how I wasn't suspicious. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I don't know why, but my gut still says something's off. And I can't imagine what could be worse than this. It's like talking with someone else, not my husband. Everything about him is out of character now.

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_00] Sandra says he was predatory on that woman. If she's 22 now, then how old was she when they met? He's in his 30s. He saw she was vulnerable and took advantage. What scum. Your mama here says he lied. He had a whole relationship where he cared for her. He unapologetically brought a baby into your lives. He said he would leave you in a reverse situation.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_00] If you stay, especially if you accept the child, know that you're signing his permission slip for further infidelity. Know that you will become that child's mother and all the duties that come with. You will have to fully internalize that the child is innocent and hold back your resentment no matter what. If you don't accept the child, but stay, he will hold it against you as that baby was clearly made in love or what feels like love based on what he said to you.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00] Wine and dog says the only reason he's coming clean now is because you declined to go through with his let's adopt this random orphan child scheme he cooked up. Absolutely do not trust this man. He's lied to you for years up until he was backed into a corner. Consult a good lawyer and only listen to their advice. Your husband is not looking out for you or your children's well-being. Good luck. And I'm sorry. Opie says sorry for the lack of coherence.

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_00] Actually, my firstborn is in hospital due to pneumonia. So nothing else is in my mind. So I don't think I can reply to you guys sooner. Anyway, about my husband. I'm not trying to defend him. Like I said in the first post, he would do anything for kids. He hasn't left my child's side after getting admitted in hospital. Also, like you guys said, the story he said feels like BS. My gut tells me he's lying with it. But why would he do that? Why I feel he's lying is that there's nothing suspicious in his routines or schedules in the past.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_00] Last year, which leads to cheating. Which he spends most of his spare time with us. He never made any excuses for disappearance or anything like that. Also, another thing is that he drops truth like this and acts like nothing has happened. Keeps his composure while I am in full of thoughts. I don't know if I'm hallucinating. Honestly, thanks for all the comments. I will look into it once I get some peace. I have to say, I don't know if it's just the way it was worded or whatever.

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_00] But the last bit of that update was absolutely chilling to me. When he's acting so cool and calm about it all. And then when OP asked if the roles were reversed, what would he do? And him smiling, kissing her and then saying straight away that he would divorce her. And then you got the comments calling out about him being predatory about her being young because it was a slow build up relationship. And you know, she was 22. They got a two year old. That's all just really, really sketchy.

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's have another story. Now our next story comes from the relationship advice subreddit from leather set 7325. And it says, how do I 31 female stop being so jealous regarding my husband's 34 men's. Your male new friend. I love my husband.

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_00] We've been together nine years, married for six and have been through a lot together. He's never given me a single reason to think he would stray from our relationship physically or emotionally. He's an amazing father and very equally shares the household load. We have our ups and downs like most people, but generally we are solid and always come back to each other after a disagreement. Now to the issue.

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00] He recently embarked on his master's degree is one of only two men in his cohort of approximately 80 people and the only guys of our culture. We are in our home country. The course in university is just incredibly multicultural. As such, he has made a lot of new female friends, most of whom don't bother me at all. But there's this one, 30 female I think, that I just don't like his friendship with. And I know I'm being unreasonable.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_00] They text all the time, like multiple times a day. Mind you, he isn't secretive about this. He doesn't hide his phone or anything like that. I can see her name at the top of his screen and he talks about her all the time. How nice she is and all the cool things she's done. He also spends a lot of time with her. They have just decided to collaborate on a research project together for a conference in 2026. And as such, they will likely be spending even more time together.

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00] Frankly, I'm sick of hearing about how nice and amazing this other woman is. She's also annoyed the hell out of him at times. Blowing like hot and cold at him when she's perceived he has done something wrong. Though it's probably cultural differences that trigger this. And he'll talk about this too. It's like watching someone discuss the beginnings of a relationship. The euphoria of dating someone new. Plus all the baggage they come with as they work through it. Which is a weird thing to watch your husband go through.

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_00] I don't believe it's anything more than I've described above. When I said I didn't think it was appropriate for him to be messaging her as frequently as he is. And if the shoe was on the other foot, does he really think he'd be okay with me messaging a man as frequently? And he offered to let me read all their messages. Which I didn't. So, I really don't think he's hiding anything. I obviously don't want him to start being secretive about it. So I've said I'll drop it. But I just feel annoyed and jealous like every time I see a name pop up on his phone.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00] I don't even think he's physically attracted to her. We have a great sex life and this is not something I feel insecure about. I guess she's shiny and new and interesting and they have a lot in common. I think I'm insecure about not being interesting enough for him. And maybe sometimes feel like he'd rather talk to her than me. I'm not used to him having female friends. Though he used to have many when he was younger. And I'm finding this new dynamic really difficult.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] Any advice as to how I can just get over it and accept this new friendship as it is? So a commenter says to OP. It sounds to me like your fear is that she is becoming emotionally stimulating in a way you are not. So the solution is not to restrict him from being her friend. It's to reignite the spark in your marriage. You don't need to go into competition with her. But your feelings warrant a deeper discussion with him about your emotional experience. And what will help you feel secure. In the end of the day time spent with a friend.

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_00] Text in phone calls in person. Shouldn't exceed time invested in your relationship. If you're not already doing this start dating again. Sometimes we get stuck in our daily routine. So initiate experiences together like trying and trying a new restaurant class trip hobby. Carve out intentional connection time where you are not discussing logistics or children. Create rituals like weekly check ins. Friday night wine and music at home. Or out Sunday morning coffee walks together. Or with the kids.

[00:23:17] [SPEAKER_00] If he ever becomes resistant to this in favor of spending time with her. Or he's constantly distracted by her during your time. Then I'd start to worry. It doesn't sound like your marriage is threatened at this point. Especially if he's being transparent. As there's still affection between you. But the relationship could benefit from infusing some fresh energy. Since he's getting a ton from school. Hope you're replanting. This is really good advice. Thank you. We have tried to do a bit more dating in recent months.

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_00] As we both acknowledge how easy it is to just sort of forget one another. With how busy we both are and kids etc. Trying to make it more of a regular thing is in order though. We do have a going out date booked in in a couple of weeks. Babysitter and everything. And we actually went out during the day a couple of weeks ago as well. So it is there. But could definitely be more frequent. Thanks again. I have a lot of advice here from some of the most chronically insecure people on the internet.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_00] So let's take the other view for a second. If he was trying to replace you emotionally or physically. Or be inappropriate in any other way. He simply wouldn't be so transparent about it. It sounds like he's trying to engage you. Because he's excited about a new friendship. And wants you to be okay with this. This doesn't mean you stop looking out for the warning signs. But it means you look at what's really worrying you about this. And what you can do about it. It sounds like what you're worried about is there's greener grass out there for him to find. Whenever this is your worry.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00] The first solution is to water your own grass. Remind yourself of all the reasons you're his choice. He hasn't forgotten. Don't let yourself forget. Be secure in what you bring. Hope he replies saying thank you. This is the most reasonable advice here I think. Water your own grass is definitely what I needed to hear in this situation. And I agree. I don't think it'd be so transparent if he was doing anything wrong. And Opie adds another comment saying. This is another part of it.

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_00] Neither of us really has many friends either. He had loads of friends growing up. But he had his first child quite young. And has subsequently grown apart from most of those friends. He also said that all his pre-existing friends ever ask him about is the kids. And he's enjoying having people he can talk about other things with. That's probably also part of my jealousy to be honest. Because I'm also very much lacking in the friend department. So it was 23 days later. After that first post. That Opie came in with their update. And they said.

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_00] This is not going to be a long update. And will probably not be that exciting or interesting. But some people wanted an update from my last post. My husband and I discussed his new friend a few times. And he understood where I was coming from. But was a bit hurt. Because he's never done anything in our relationship. To suggest he might ever be unfaithful. I believed him when we talked about it. But he thought it'd be better if I could just meet her. To try and understand a bit better. And I agreed. We had a few friends over for his birthday last night. And she came.

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_00] The birthday gift she got him was a picture of my whole family. Me, Hubs and the kids and even the dog. That she had made herself. Digital. She's a bit of a graphic designer. On a light box. It's really beautiful. And I think it's a lovely present. Because it includes me and the kids. She was incredibly respectful all night. And we actually have a fair amount in common. With some shared interests. And shared experiences. Example. We both have been scuba diving. And are interested in marine conservation. She just seems genuinely very nice.

[00:26:42] [SPEAKER_00] Not fake at all. And her being around felt very akin to my husband's other female friend. That we had over as well. All that to say. I'm no longer concerned about anything dodgy developing between her and my husband. And I certainly don't think anything untoward has happened as yet. Oh also. I caught a glimpse of their messages this morning. And she was messaging him about how nice I seemed. And he was talking about how cool I am. That wasn't performative. Because he didn't tell me about it. It was just part of the conversation they were having.

[00:27:11] [SPEAKER_00] The rest of which was about the Japanese curry my husband made last night. I don't know. I'm sure Reddit will tell me I'm being stupid or naive. But it just feels very innocent now I've actually met her. Aside from this. My husband and I have had other arguments about other issues in our relationship. And have agreed on one at home date night per week. Where we do something fun together. But also like get a bit dressed up. And like make an effort for each other. Instead of only making an effort when we go out or go to the office or whatever.

[00:27:39] [SPEAKER_00] We're also working on each of our individual mental health and well being as well. Eating better. Exercising more. Allowing each other me time away from the kids in a more consistent way. Some of the advice I got on my last post was about making more of an effort in our relationship. Watering my own garden as well. So I feel like we're addressing that. I'm hopeful we can do this well. And 2026 will be a better year for us. We love each other very much and our family.

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_00] So we're going to improve our communication and work on ourselves and our relationship as best as we can. Thanks for all the people who gave reasonable advice on my last post. There was more than I was expecting. And there were some commenters on the back of this one that were still skeptical of the update. You know saying affairs can happen still. They don't happen just like that. Affairs happen by slowly crossing boundaries etc etc.

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_00] Other people saying wholesome update and communication wins the day. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.