AITA For Making Husband Choose The Divorce HE ASKED FOR! r/Relationships

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[00:00:56] Here's a subreddit. And says, I'm the asshole for making my husband choose the divorce he asked for.

[00:01:04] And it says, So I came on here a while back to seek advice. I was wondering if I was wrong for

[00:01:10] asking my husband to put off the divorce he requested for a few years while I finished up schooling.

[00:01:16] In census words, I was the asshole. Since then I've worked on myself and decided to ask

[00:01:22] for the Alimony and Child Support I deserve. I'd been a stay at home for 10 years and helped build

[00:01:27] his small business along the way. Originally my husband was miserable to be around and wasn't

[00:01:33] himself when I told him I needed some time before the divorce to be on my feet. I came on here and

[00:01:38] everyone told me the poor guy felt trapped because of my request. So I let that shit go and said we'll

[00:01:44] get the full divorce. Four months process in our state and move on with our lives. I have the

[00:01:50] paperwork ready. Hold him to find a lawyer. He found one that wasn't licensed. Through simple

[00:01:55] channels I was able to find out that the person claiming to be a lawyer online was not licensed

[00:02:01] through the state. I run the operations for a small business so I'm savvy in these things.

[00:02:07] My husband is incredible in his field, not exaggerating he's one of the best if not the best

[00:02:13] in his profession where we live. But the business side of things has been all me since we've met.

[00:02:18] Since I helped him dodge a bullet he hasn't put much effort in the divorce process.

[00:02:23] Here's the kicker. I agreed to pretty much everything he recommended we do. Stay living together

[00:02:29] as long as possible. He takes the guest room while I stay in the primary bedroom. When he decides

[00:02:34] to start dating he moves out and we try our hand at bird nesting with the kids. The kids stay at

[00:02:40] home, we rotate his parents with him coming twice a week, throw the nights and every day for short

[00:02:46] visits. Continue to help operate the business without being put on the payroll. I was never on

[00:02:50] payroll to save on taxes. The things get contentious which I doubt they will on my end,

[00:02:56] I always do my job even when we've had the ugliest fights and I will find a manager for the

[00:03:01] business to fill my position. I agree to 50-50 custody and joint decision making so that he doesn't

[00:03:07] feel like I have the upper hand with the court. This even though we'll be doing an 80-20 split in

[00:03:13] reality and I in the primary decision maker. The problem is this, he hasn't moved his feet to get

[00:03:20] this process going on his end. He's been acting like things are good between us, asking for hugs

[00:03:25] and being more supportive than he was during our marriage. We have sex still but I don't snuggle

[00:03:30] him afterwards. Flash shut down pillow talk and keep things professional otherwise.

[00:03:36] I'm not dumb but a woman has needs. I set up a therapy session for our 13-year-old at the end

[00:03:42] of the week. She's his biologically but I'd been her mama and the closest parent to her since we

[00:03:47] met when she was three. I don't want her feeling abandoned. The only thing we don't agree on

[00:03:53] actually is her living with me when he's ready to move out. I know she would want to. He knows

[00:03:58] the same but he hates the idea of her not going to his apartment with him. Further therapist

[00:04:04] recommendation I told him, we needed to schedule a sit-down talk with our daughter about the divorce

[00:04:09] before our therapy session. He was quiet and said, I'll see and left it at that. I asked again

[00:04:16] last night while our team was at soccer practice and the two little ones were asleep in the car

[00:04:21] after a famed day out. Perfect time to talk right? Apparently I was wrong and he said he decided

[00:04:27] that we're going to hold off from talking to her about it. I told him I don't agree and then

[00:04:31] he said his decision was final and that we would go to therapy with her to work on our communication

[00:04:36] as a family. Not to discuss the divorce as planned. I'm pissed because I've had to prepare so much

[00:04:43] for this transition and now do's drag in his feet. I want him in the guest room already so he can stop

[00:04:49] trying to touch my feet in bed with his and we can both move on with our lives. Can't do that

[00:04:54] until we tell our daughter and I don't want her being blindsided in all of this. The therapist told

[00:05:00] us that the more we keep our team in the loop with the process, the better. So I'm either

[00:05:06] assault or pushing the issue. He wanted this so he needs to man up and face the music and I being

[00:05:11] insensitive. So as always there was some replies from the OP so Daisy's and Daffodil says and

[00:05:18] quotes OP and says we have sex but I keep things professional otherwise and then laughs.

[00:05:24] OP replies that saying yes after reading that I'm dumber than I thought lol.

[00:05:29] Wild cauliflower says sleeps for them check as sex with them check works for business for free

[00:05:35] check agrees to a weird custody agreement check. Operates is still married check he's the final decision

[00:05:42] maker check and says you sure you're getting divorced is he still thinking that you're getting

[00:05:48] divorced. OP says I see it now my defense I didn't want the divorce still don't just want out

[00:05:55] of this limbo yes but I can't do that making changes clearly. But in revolution says so you wanted

[00:06:02] to postpone the divorce until you're prepared but now you want him to not delay things and speed up

[00:06:08] now that you're ready. OP says postponing was three years so our little list of being kinder

[00:06:12] and not childcare. I went and found a job in my profession that would have reduced childcare for him

[00:06:18] still working with the employer to assure I can bring all of my kids with me as I homeschool

[00:06:23] eldest and our middle would be attending as well. So I'm able to move on now securely since that he's

[00:06:28] gotten cold feet about it all. I just don't want to ask friends or family because I know they're

[00:06:34] taught me into leaving instead of giving it my last shot. I came into this marriage knowing times

[00:06:39] would be hard. I myself have wanted to quit so many times but never did. Him quitting affects all

[00:06:45] of our lives. I'm not ready to give up on my family but we'll walk away if it means better parents for

[00:06:51] our kids. I just don't want us growing a relationship of hate for our kids to tip toe around for the

[00:06:56] rest of our lives. I'm not spiteful but he's very proud that's why I'm so compliant. At the end

[00:07:02] of the day my kids are my focus you have enough assets and money for me to be okay financially.

[00:07:08] It's more me pushing the issue or not. Another commenter says you're the asshole to yourself

[00:07:15] respectfully and with compassion. Are you in therapy? Get out of that house and stop letting

[00:07:20] this man traumatize the entire family with dragging his feet. You think the kiddos don't know

[00:07:25] something is up and he's not messing with their heads. You're an adult and a mother so you do what's

[00:07:30] right for the kids which means clear emotional boundaries, no sleeping together, between the two adults.

[00:07:37] They're not being honest with yourself if you really think that's not mudding the waters in your

[00:07:41] decision making. Move forward with a divorce and settle an ultimatum that your daughter will be told

[00:07:46] in X days. He can be there or he cannot it's his choice. Choose your dignity, self-esteem and

[00:07:53] your kids well being over whatever this mess is. You all deserve so much better because I can guarantee

[00:07:59] with my entire being the moment your husband finds the next one he's going to drop you so fast.

[00:08:05] Leave now, quit enabling him dragging his feet and using you as a placeholder.

[00:08:11] And that was the way I kind of felt myself and like the way the comments went it's just really

[00:08:17] messy that you're divorcing this man but you're also working for him for free. You know you still

[00:08:22] haven't sex with him and it still seems like a relationship in some ways. And whenever there's

[00:08:29] like kids involved my head always goes to that place it's like what the kids thinking in the situation

[00:08:34] is this mess in with their head like that last comment said that they are likely noticing what's

[00:08:38] going on and it's gotta be confusing right. But a couple of days later Opie comes in to update

[00:08:45] the post and says thank you to everyone that told me what I needed to hear. It clearly needed

[00:08:50] a reality check. Was being a wife without the support of a husband? I guess I've been so used to

[00:08:56] be intrigued poorly it never occurred to me that I actually have any power in the situation.

[00:09:01] Child of a narcissist father and misogynistic mother. But everyone wondering assets are all in

[00:09:07] my name as well as his. I'm not completely stupid. The business is in his because he started it

[00:09:13] before we met. It was small when we met and I've helped expand it extensively throughout the years.

[00:09:19] No payroll was a joint decision because we filed jointly and wanted to save on taxes to put

[00:09:23] money back into the business. It was a smart choice because his income was ballooned and

[00:09:28] we've been able to live comfortably throughout the years. I get the SS benefit conversation.

[00:09:34] I didn't think I was ever going to get divorce guys. Give me a break.

[00:09:38] I've spoken to my husband and he is set on divorcing. I have a therapy session for myself

[00:09:43] scheduled this week and a follow-up interview for a job that would allow me to bring my children

[00:09:47] along with me every day. Huge blessing. I'm enrolled in school and I'm going to finish out my

[00:09:52] degree while working full-time. I have a lot to think about with regard to what to ask for

[00:09:58] child support wise and how to structure the parenting plan. My biggest fear for leaving all these

[00:10:04] years has been losing my daughter in the process. She is 13 now with her cell phone so I can communicate

[00:10:10] every day which helps. But sadly even if I get to keep our main house and get my fair share of

[00:10:16] the money, if my ex wants to keep our teen daughter away and change her number as every right to do

[00:10:22] so legally. I have no rights over my stepdaughter in my state unless my husband and his ex give up

[00:10:28] their rights or she elects for emancipation. Neither of which will ever happen. My kids are my

[00:10:35] everything. She is my first child in my eyes and I treat her no differently than I do the ones that

[00:10:40] came from my body. With that said, you can also I'm dumb for 50-50 but I'm looking to keep the peace.

[00:10:47] Money isn't everything. The Alimony and Child Support and New Job will be more than enough to

[00:10:52] sustain my kids and myself until I finish my degree. I can't afford to miss out on these years

[00:10:57] with my teen daughter if he's bitter. Thank you all. Even the asshole's on here for telling me what

[00:11:03] I needed to hear. I know you're all wondering. I told him no more sex as he tried last night.

[00:11:10] It's off the table completely. I was stupid to think I was helping myself out without one.

[00:11:15] You all let me know that. I said a date for our daughter to be told before our family therapy

[00:11:20] session. If not, I will talk to her without him. I'll update when life gets better and I'm sure

[00:11:26] it will. Send in your love from a former sex bot slash slave trying to find a voice. Take care

[00:11:33] you're. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:11:40] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

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[00:12:51] Which was suggested over on whiter or ex whatever you want to call it these days from Nikki says

[00:12:57] what who says you gotta cover this wild air situation. So we will. It's a bit of a shorter story but

[00:13:05] does have an update as well from the Amideus oh here subreddit from specialist ask 1719 and says

[00:13:12] I'm I the asshole here for screaming at my husband to get out after he pranked me with flowers.

[00:13:18] My husband and my marriage is not going well. I am very close to divorce and I've talked to him about it.

[00:13:26] I told him I wanted some effort. I wanted flowers chocolate had nicely written note something that

[00:13:33] showed he wanted to romance me. He finally took it seriously and agreed. When I came home from a 12

[00:13:40] hour shift yesterday he laid a trail of rose petals in our house. It was so beautiful.

[00:13:47] The trail ended at the kitchen sink where he piled up a bunch of dirty dishes, pots and pans to clean.

[00:13:55] Oh you Burke. He said he got the idea from TikTok. I screamed at him to get out of my house.

[00:14:02] He left after arguing a bit. I cried. Some of my friends said I was right but other says he was just

[00:14:08] being playful. I am the asshole here. But obviously we're missing a whole lot of what the hell is

[00:14:17] going on in their relationship that they're already at the point of nearing divorce you know.

[00:14:21] It kind of feels like if you're doing that you're trying to push for that divorce if you're

[00:14:26] going down this road. What else could go through your head? You know your relationship is on the

[00:14:31] rocks is potentially ending in a divorce soon and you think she's requested flowers. She's

[00:14:38] requested some chocolate and a bit of romance. I know what to do. I'm going to set up petals

[00:14:44] to the kitchen sink because I see not on TikTok. No way man. There is no way you think your partner

[00:14:52] again with the relationship the state that is in is going to laugh at that and there's no way

[00:14:56] you could think that either. Significant cat 3 says not the asshole. Is he trying to get a divorce

[00:15:02] without outright initiating it? That's due an explanation I can think of other than him being

[00:15:07] up to choose. I hope he says he thought I should find it funny. I don't even know why.

[00:15:15] Gargantuan Greengoat says so the video he watched saw a woman come in be excited for flowers

[00:15:21] then be downcast angry and sad at the counter and he wanted to see you in the same position.

[00:15:27] He didn't think you'd find it funny. He thought you'd be humiliated and he would find that

[00:15:33] funny. Bro this one out he's gone rotten. Premavitsky says he knew what he was doing. He was trying

[00:15:40] to demoralise OP. How dare she ask him to put more effort into the relationship. She's there

[00:15:46] to serve him in his mind, not the other way around. It's a win-win for him. Either she gets the

[00:15:51] message and he gets his way or they break up and he gets to pretend it's her fault because she can't

[00:15:57] take a joke. Dump his ass and don't look back. As you can imagine the comments just went

[00:16:04] absolutely crazy so let's jump straight into OP's update that says my husband came back home

[00:16:09] last night. I'd called off and then he ruined it by saying I was overreacting that it was

[00:16:14] funny and he wanted to make me laugh. I told him I was going to file for divorce because it was

[00:16:19] the last straw. He then started crying and begging me not to. He begged me to give him a second chance.

[00:16:25] I said he already got a second chance and he squandered it by reminding me that I do all the

[00:16:30] daily chores in this house. This was why our marriage was rocky. I worked in the medical field

[00:16:36] while he's a blue collar worker. Both of our jobs require long hours but if I mess up people die.

[00:16:42] He won't say that he went through all that schooling just to get covered in blood and shit.

[00:16:47] He took it back but he wanted to make me feel low. He started doing that a bit after Covid started.

[00:16:54] I do the cooking and cleaning. I do the laundry, the sweeping, the dentist's deployment.

[00:16:58] All he does is create more work for me. He wanted me to pack him lunch because his friends' wives do.

[00:17:05] His friends' wives are either stay at home mums or they have part-time jobs.

[00:17:09] I do not have the time or energy to do that. He said he most alone. Oh guess what? It's winter

[00:17:16] and I have to shovel the driveway because I'd work in the morning and get the day off.

[00:17:20] I make more money. My boss at our house had a low rate during Covid because his credit was too low.

[00:17:26] I had to save the money for a down payment. I pay our mortgage. What did he contribute to my life?

[00:17:32] If I didn't have him in my life, I'd have cleaned floors all the time and more money.

[00:17:38] At least he could contribute love. He said he loved me but he doesn't do anything to prove it.

[00:17:44] So I asked him for flowers or chocolates or a nice card. Literally anything to show some love.

[00:17:49] But instead he dropped flower petals to a sink full of dirty dishes, pots and pans.

[00:17:54] It's not even original. I'm done. I'm going to file for divorce.

[00:18:00] That story felt like it was a quick clean cut job done. I'm out here, I can't do anything.

[00:18:06] Which was not a surprise with the way things went down. Life went you know.

[00:18:11] Our relationship is absolutely on the rocks. I need more romance. So what does husband decide to do?

[00:18:17] The complete opposite. And then shocked. Then crying that she like, well, fuck it we're divorcing.

[00:18:23] I mean come on man. But anyway, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of

[00:18:29] this situation? Put yourself in OPs shoes. How would you deal with that one? All in all it.

[00:18:35] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Not every once in a

[00:18:41] while. I'd like to cover just a cheeky little story from the top of Am I the asshole? Because

[00:18:48] sometimes it kicks off and I gotta get involved. And this one doesn't have an update of course.

[00:18:52] It's from No Note 3098 and says, Am I the asshole for giving my sister-in-law three days notice

[00:18:58] that I would no longer make a cake for a daughter's third birthday after finding out she and her

[00:19:04] parents called others my history. I 28 female love to bake. Now I'll often make cakes and stuff

[00:19:12] for friends and since I met my in-laws in 2018, them as well. My sister-in-law asked me to bake her

[00:19:18] daughter's birthday cake for her birthday this weekend. This was back in October and we discussed

[00:19:24] what she wanted in detail. It's not my first time making her cakes but it's my first time as a

[00:19:29] sister-in-law officially and where I felt like I was truly part of a family. Three days ago

[00:19:35] was out grocery shopping and I ran into a family friend of my in-laws. This person is not someone I

[00:19:40] like very much. She's a bad gossip and seems to have some malice in her while sharing gossip about

[00:19:45] others. I tried to be polite to everyone and normally I didn't talk to her but she stopped me and

[00:19:51] went out of her way to ask where my husband and I are having kids. Then she mentioned me being a

[00:19:57] foster kid and an affair baby and she did it in a way that was meant to come across as actual concern

[00:20:03] but was really her being intrusive and cruel. She mentioned that my in-laws and sister-in-law

[00:20:08] concerned about our kids not having anyone. I told my husband when he got home from work and

[00:20:14] I was a mess. It might seem dumb but I felt like his family betrayed the trust I put in them

[00:20:19] and they did the one thing they were asked not to do which was tell people about my history.

[00:20:25] It's not something I want to broadcast to everyone who knows me. My husband confronted his parents

[00:20:30] and sister and they said they only mentioned it to a few close circle people and they defended it

[00:20:35] when my husband said that wasn't okay. Sister-in-law said it's not like people wouldn't find out

[00:20:40] eventually and they asked her how would they find out if we never told them. My history is that both

[00:20:45] my parents were married to others and had children with other spouses when they had an affair.

[00:20:51] I was the result. Both sets of first children were technically adults or close to it when I was

[00:20:55] born. Today before my fifth birthday we're in the car together and it crashed. My parents died

[00:21:02] and so did the people in the other car. I was the only survivor and I was in hospital for a few

[00:21:06] weeks after. Nobody and either of my parents families wanted me and I was brought up in foster care

[00:21:12] for the rest of my life. I never found a family. After hearing sister-in-law say what she did

[00:21:18] and realise how unapologetic they were and hearing how little they cared about what they did to me,

[00:21:23] they asked if I could speak to sister-in-law for a second holder not to expect the cake from me

[00:21:28] after going against what I wanted and having such little care for the harm it caused.

[00:21:32] She went crazy and said it was only three days until the birthday party and my husband

[00:21:37] backed me up and said so what? She and their parents were blowing up his phone so bad

[00:21:43] yet they blocked them and I'm worried that I'm being a bit of an asshole saying no with such short

[00:21:48] notice. Am I the asshole? No, pretty simple one for me this is like a simple trust issue you trusted

[00:21:56] them with your private information they broke that trust by spreading it around. It broke my heart

[00:22:02] the way you said you know you felt a part of the family to be making a cake although you've done

[00:22:06] it in the past but now that she was your sister-in-law you felt like it was a family thing to do

[00:22:12] and then they go and do this kind of shit. That must be devastating for you.

[00:22:17] Especially considering everything you've been through so far I am incredibly sorry to hear that

[00:22:23] that's got me a bit choked up I've got I gotta be honest. They're a place your husband

[00:22:28] for having your back though in this. Aggressive bed says not the asshole they treated you like

[00:22:32] family to your face we're willing to have you bake cakes for them but they couldn't not share

[00:22:37] your personal backstory to others after being told explicitly not to. Huge violation of trust

[00:22:43] and I'm very happy to hear that your husband is backing you up and setting a boundary with his

[00:22:47] family. I'm also very sorry to hear that you're going through this it must be heartbreaking

[00:22:52] not the asshole. Oopie says it is I feel like another family has just proven they do not care

[00:22:59] about me at all after going through that my whole childhood. It's not easy to face it again

[00:23:06] Midnight's Rose says absolutely not the asshole he betrayed you in the worst possible way

[00:23:12] I'm so sorry honestly I feel like my words are insufficient I wish I could hug you Oop

[00:23:19] your husband is awesome for having your back on this.

[00:23:22] The final comment which says not the asshole your family history is not theirs to share

[00:23:27] whether or not you had explicitly told them not to beforehand. In fact that he did so even then

[00:23:32] is as disrespectful as it shows they have no consideration or empathy on your behalf

[00:23:37] in which world did they think that you would take the news of your tragic past being shared

[00:23:42] around behind your back and not be mad about it? But I started to touch reality they genuinely cannot

[00:23:48] see how wrong it is. Your sister in her is lucky she even got a warning after what she and her

[00:23:53] parents did especially considering how they aren't even apologetic about it. If I had been in your shoes

[00:24:00] you would have found out on the day of the birthday but I wouldn't have shown up with a promise cake

[00:24:04] or better yet throwing that whole cake right up in her face. Pueblo's for your husband to take

[00:24:09] your side and defend your honor he should be the one to get that cake instead.

[00:24:14] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:24:22] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. I just a huge thank you from the bottom

[00:24:27] of my heart for getting involved in today's stories, your love, your support, your time

[00:24:32] always means the absolute world to me so thank you so much for being involved

[00:24:37] it is absolutely amazing seeing you know the same face in the comments new faces in the comments

[00:24:42] it just blows my mind every single day so thank you you're incredible do not forget that and I

[00:24:47] will see you in the next one take care and much love

[00:25:13] you

[00:25:21] want to know what it takes to make a million bucks check out my first million every week we dive

[00:25:26] into different business opportunities and explain how to bounce on them from one man online operations

[00:25:32] to brick and mortar strategies we cover it all so whether it's your first million followers

[00:25:37] or dollars start getting inspired with my first million wherever you get your podcasts