AITA For Defending My Wife's "Classism" To My Aunt And Mom r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts they said what the f**k are you talking about? You insane Hollywood s**t? So to recap we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at MintMobile.com slash Switch. $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees, promoting for new customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month, so full turns at MintMobile.com.

[00:00:30] Hey, what's all gang? I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like subscribe maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with the days for story. Cheeky so and so.

[00:00:53] How much love guys now today's first story comes from positive bat 6820 from the Amideus or subreddit and says I'm I the asshole for defending my wife's classism.

[00:01:07] When I 38 male was 10 years old, my dad died. I won't go into too much detail but his death was very sudden and rough. Afterwards my mom became pretty distant from me in my little sister.

[00:01:21] We all had dual citizenship and my mother basically moved back to our home country, leaving us in the care of family friends. I only saw a sporadically from that point on.

[00:01:31] As a result, my wife 37 female does not like my mom. I've tried to explain that she was just coping in her own way but my wife refuses to give her the benefit of the doubt.

[00:01:42] She doesn't prevent me or our kids from having a relationship with my mom but has made it clear that she has no desire to pursue one herself.

[00:01:51] Recently I went back to my home country with the kids to see her. I explained to my mom that my wife couldn't come due to work and she seemed to understand. The first few days of the trip went great but tonight things weren't bad.

[00:02:04] After I put my kids to bed, I went to have a drink of my mom and my aunt who she lives with.

[00:02:10] And I was walking down the stairs I ever heard my aunt say something about my wife. I think she's too good for us.

[00:02:16] My mom agreed referring to my wife as a snob but warned my aunt not to bring it up to me. My wife comes from a wealthy family.

[00:02:25] Her parents died when she was young and she was only a child. They left everything to her.

[00:02:30] She's a smart woman and a hard worker but she likes the finer things in life and isn't ashamed of that fact.

[00:02:37] In comparison, my family is solidly middle class and more down to earth.

[00:02:42] Obviously there's a class difference there but my wife has never been rude to my mother regarding this topic.

[00:02:48] This bothered me and I demanded to know what my mom and aunt were saying.

[00:02:52] They clearly didn't expect me to hear any of it and my mom became apologetic.

[00:02:57] But my aunt said that my wife's refusal to interact with them is because she thinks she's better than them.

[00:03:03] I explained that this isn't the case but my aunt kept pushing the issue.

[00:03:08] Eventually my mom said it was fine if my wife felt that way but I shouldn't defend her class's behavior.

[00:03:15] At this point I snapped and said that my wife resents my mom because she wasn't around when I was a kid.

[00:03:21] My mom and aunt didn't say anything to that and I went back upstairs.

[00:03:26] It takes my sister about it and she said that I should just apologize but she's always been less confrontational than me.

[00:03:34] I don't resent my mom for what she did when I was a kid and I feel bad for snapping at her.

[00:03:39] By the way, she was speaking about my wife was upsetting.

[00:03:42] It was clear she and my aunt had gossiped about her before.

[00:03:45] I probably could have handled it better but at that moment all I cared about was defending my wife.

[00:03:51] I didn't want to apologize for that but I also know this won't blow over if I stick around.

[00:03:55] So I'd probably have to go back home with the kids earlier than planned.

[00:03:59] I'm the asshole.

[00:04:02] So some people were asking OP question someone said does wife refuse to visit your home country.

[00:04:07] OP says she's not opposed to the idea of visiting my home country and she has done so in the past.

[00:04:13] Her job is just very demanding and she said she'd rather do a longer trip with the four of us.

[00:04:18] We have two kids when she can arrange more time off and the trip isn't solely based on seeing my mom.

[00:04:24] More information on wife's relationship with OP's mom and OP says I couldn't fit it in the

[00:04:30] post because of the word limit but part of the reason she didn't come is because of work.

[00:04:35] If my mom visited her saw something then she wouldn't ignore her or refuse to let her enter

[00:04:40] the house or anything. She just doesn't want to go on a trip solely to see my mom when she knows

[00:04:45] things will just be tense and uncomfortable. I wouldn't say she self-righteous about it and she

[00:04:51] doesn't bring it up constantly or anything. I asked her why she doesn't like my mom back when

[00:04:55] we were engaged and she said that was the reason and a perspective hasn't changed since.

[00:05:00] Some information on OP and his mom's relationship, OP says thank you.

[00:05:05] I also couldn't imagine leaving my kids if my wife died suddenly.

[00:05:08] I haven't children has definitely helped me understand my wife's perspective more.

[00:05:14] And smashing and trashing says on the back of this not the asshole but your mom and aunt are.

[00:05:18] Your wife had a dramatically different experience with losing her parents versus how an

[00:05:23] parent choose to be absent. Just every right to not engage with your mom and was polite enough

[00:05:28] to not create extra drama. You were right to defend her to your family.

[00:05:32] Realistic head says not the asshole. You overheard comments about your wife which you knew

[00:05:37] to be untrue and you set the record straight. It's interesting that you've been able to accept

[00:05:42] your mother's abandoning you and your sister after your father died. It's unconceivable to imagine

[00:05:48] abandoning my children should my husband die and I can totally relate to your wife's feelings there.

[00:05:54] I'm glad you've managed to accept that since you really didn't have much choice but for a mother

[00:05:58] to leave her children behind like that sounds pretty horrible to me. Your wife is clearly not

[00:06:03] comfortable around your mother and maybe for good reason. You're 100% right to defend your wife.

[00:06:10] And a final comment from Baltimore Badger who says not the asshole. I also really understand

[00:06:15] the psychology behind your wife's reaction. So dad died when you were young and your mom basically

[00:06:20] gave you and your sister up while she has neither parent left making you a virtual orphan

[00:06:26] unnecessarily and she can't deal with the idea of her mother who doesn't want to be there for a son

[00:06:31] unless her parents died together in an accident or tragedy. She still had one parent after the

[00:06:35] other for a little while. And I gotta say that's how I felt in this situation about, you know,

[00:06:42] the wife going through what she's going through. She didn't have her parents and then to see a mother

[00:06:48] abandon her children like that. And it just felt to me like all the wife is doing in this situation

[00:06:54] is trying to support her husband. She's not trying to cause drama but she also doesn't want to get

[00:06:59] involved with her because, you know, rightly so she doesn't understand her actions. And in the end

[00:07:05] they want to be judgmental about someone else and they get a bit of a home truth back at them.

[00:07:11] You know, I can't blame you for snapping like that and defending your wife. It was the right

[00:07:15] thing to do in that situation for me. But around three months later, OP comes into update the post

[00:07:21] and says it's been a few months since I made my post. After reading your comments, I realized

[00:07:25] it would be rash to leave without trying to sort things out. So I had a conversation with my mom

[00:07:30] the next morning when my aunt was out and my kids were still in bed. I apologise for my outburst

[00:07:35] but maintain that the things they said were unfounded. And that if my mom felt this way then she

[00:07:40] should have talked to me about it. She agreed. I explained to my mom that my wife disapproved of

[00:07:45] what she did after my dad died, staying with her saw taking us with her were both options.

[00:07:51] My mom said it wasn't fair for my wife to judge her for something she did 20 years ago and

[00:07:55] that she needed to be with a support system while she grieved her husband. She argued that since

[00:08:01] me and my sister don't resent her then my wife had no right to. I said that I couldn't force my

[00:08:06] wife to forgive her and I asked her to stop talking badly about my wife and to tell my aunt to do

[00:08:11] the same. My mom said she'd do her best but she couldn't control my aunt. I said that I wouldn't

[00:08:17] be comfortable in a place where my wife would be disrespected, especially where our kids could

[00:08:21] over here. But she still refused to criticise my aunt's behaviour. Things weren't going anywhere so

[00:08:28] I told my mom I was going to go home early. She got upset and defensive and I realised she would

[00:08:33] also keep bad mouthing my wife just when I wasn't around. That was the final straw and I went

[00:08:39] back upstairs and got flights for the next day. I sent my wife a text saying it would be home early

[00:08:44] and I'll explain when I got back but everyone was alive and healthy. She said that she was looking

[00:08:50] forward to it and asked if I wanted to call. But I just wanted to do it all in person.

[00:08:55] The next 24 hours were awkward and before we left my mom asked when she'd see me and my kids again.

[00:09:01] I told her that I wanted her in our lives but I didn't plan on coming back until my wife got more

[00:09:06] respect. I told my wife what happened and she made a comment about how she thought they'd have called

[00:09:12] her far worse than a snob but she was grateful I stood up for her. She asked me what I wanted to do

[00:09:17] with my mom going forward and that should support me no matter what. I told her I still wanted

[00:09:22] my mom in my life but she and our kids were the priority so I was going to put some distance between

[00:09:28] us with time being. My wife said that sounded like a good idea unless she was proud of me.

[00:09:34] Being home with my wife and kids for months now and things are still good with us.

[00:09:38] I've called my mom several times and unfortunately things were tense. My sister is still in regular

[00:09:44] contact with her and apparently she feels judged over the way she decided to grieve. But I hope

[00:09:49] with time she'll understand my wife's perspective. I do want my kids to know they're only

[00:09:54] grandparents but not at the cost of their mother's comfort. Thank you all for those of you who said

[00:10:00] I should get therapy. I'm doing fine but thanks for your concern. That was frustrating I mean when

[00:10:07] when it got to the point where it said she needed to be with the support system while she grieved

[00:10:12] her husband. What about her children who needed to grieve their father? It just, you know I know grief

[00:10:18] does very weird things to people when I say it all the time in this one but your children

[00:10:23] while I can picture as OP in his sister when they were children and all this was going down you

[00:10:28] know they just lost their father and their mom just ups and leaves. How utterly heartbreaking how

[00:10:35] confused scared sad would they feel all at the same time or dealing with grief and it just felt very

[00:10:43] me me me from the mother in this situation you know everyone else has forgiven me so you know she

[00:10:50] should too. OP is far more forgiving than I would have been in that situation but I'm glad that

[00:10:57] you know he's sticking by his family and his wife in this. Someone else mentions the support system

[00:11:04] comment and OP said me and my sister weren't close with my aunt so we probably wouldn't have found

[00:11:09] much of a support system in her presence. My mom probably thought we'd find a better one in the

[00:11:14] care of people she left us with. Someone asked a question that was sort of going through my head at

[00:11:19] the same time about you know was there a reason like a mental health reason that she couldn't care

[00:11:25] for her kids. OP says honestly I'm not sure if mental illness is the reason though I can't say

[00:11:32] with any certainty my aunt is very much a buckle down and work through it kind of person so I'm

[00:11:38] unsure how accommodating she would have been to any mental health struggles my mother might have gone

[00:11:42] through but I can't say for sure. I don't think civility is a big ask. My wife isn't

[00:11:48] fond of my mum but whenever they interact she's always very polite. They don't have a relationship

[00:11:52] but my wife is amicable with her and never badmouth her. The feelings towards my mum have only been

[00:11:58] expressed in confidence to me. My mum and my aunt are capable of doing the same, they're just choosing

[00:12:04] not to. OP's outlook. OP says I'll admit that having children has definitely helped me understand

[00:12:11] my wife more. Losing her would be absolutely horrible but not being left for my children is unimaginable

[00:12:18] why do you forgive my mother I probably wouldn't forgive my wife's parents if they had done that to her.

[00:12:24] Someone suggests that OP's wife is projecting and OP says I don't think you'll be in

[00:12:28] fair to my wife. She isn't telling me that I shouldn't forgive her or constantly complaining about

[00:12:33] my mum. My wife is protective of people she loves and I understand that if the positions were

[00:12:39] reversed I'd have difficulties forgiving her parents too. But now I'm going to turn this one to you

[00:12:46] guys. What do you guys make of this situation for yourself and OP shoes? What do you do? Let us know

[00:12:53] your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story with an up.

[00:13:16] So to recap we're cutting the price of mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month.

[00:13:21] Give it a try at minmoble.com slash switch.

[00:13:32] Date from a throwaway account from the true off my chest subreddit and says

[00:13:36] my boyfriend is moving in with his female best friend and their closeness makes me uncomfortable.

[00:13:42] So my boyfriend and I have been together for just under a year. When we first started dating he told me

[00:13:49] about faith one of his best friends. They've known one another since childhood and are extremely close.

[00:13:57] I didn't have a problem with this initially because faith had a boyfriend and the way she acted

[00:14:01] towards my boyfriend she also acted towards another close male friend so I thought it's just who she is.

[00:14:07] Just before Christmas faith and her boyfriend broke up. I never got the details just that it was a

[00:14:13] really bad breakup. They were living together and faith needed a place to stay so my boyfriend offered

[00:14:18] his couch. This is where I started getting uncomfortable. I told him I didn't like some girl staying

[00:14:24] at his place like this and he told me it's temporary and she's his best friend and I don't get

[00:14:30] to say in who he lends his couch out to. We argued and eventually I've relented. On new years

[00:14:36] I wanted to go back to his place after the celebration and my friend's place. He said faith is there

[00:14:41] and we wouldn't be able to do anything next and I got annoyed and said she can listen to it for

[00:14:47] all I care. He got annoyed at that and said he's not doing that. I asked him when she plans on

[00:14:53] getting her own place and he said she's looking for it's hard to find something in a price range.

[00:14:58] I went home alone that night. A week ago he wasn't feeling the greatest so I wanted to

[00:15:03] surprise him with food so I showed up to his apartment and she answered the door in a tank top

[00:15:08] and very small pajama shorts. When she went to her have a shower I asked him if she walks around

[00:15:13] like that all the time and he said yes and saw me get annoyed and told me not to start.

[00:15:19] I asked him how it feel if I had a close male friend living with me walking around half naked

[00:15:25] when he said it'd be uncomfortable but it trust me not to do anything. I told him I do trust him

[00:15:30] but it's still a boundary for me and I asked again when she's moving out. That's when he dropped

[00:15:35] the bomb on me that the two of them have decided to look for a place together once his leases up in

[00:15:40] March. I lost it. She heard us fighting and came out of the shower dressed somewhat and asked what

[00:15:47] was wrong and I told her that I'm not comfortable with any of this. She apologized and said

[00:15:53] I better find a way to be comfortable with it. He didn't say anything and when I said

[00:15:57] seriously he said and told me she's right that she's been his friend longer than I've been in

[00:16:02] his life and that this will benefit them both in the long run so this is what is happening.

[00:16:07] I asked what's going to happen if we wanted to move in together before the least to whatever

[00:16:11] place they're getting us up and he said that's something we can discuss if and when that happens.

[00:16:17] I'm also unbelievably mad and insulted that I just left. I take some later and ask him to think

[00:16:23] about what's more important living with her or our relationship and he said that it sounds like

[00:16:29] I'm giving him an ultimatum and I said that's not what I'm doing but he's being unreasonable.

[00:16:35] We've been texting since but it feels like it's probably the end of our relationship.

[00:16:40] I brought up my discomfort about everything including how closely I'm to my best friend

[00:16:44] and she said there's nothing I can do and I'll lose 100% of the time which kind of pissed me off

[00:16:49] because if he saw a future with me at all then surely he wants to fight for us and make me feel

[00:16:54] comfortable in their relationship. Someone brings up a pretty relevant comment on this when they

[00:16:57] said so you can't have sex because she's there and now they're moving in together so no sex

[00:17:05] between you and him at least. Opie says I guess not maybe it was because she's couch surfing

[00:17:11] at the moment and this is small apartment. She has her own room maybe it would be different but

[00:17:15] they wouldn't be moving in together until the end of March so no sex at his apartment

[00:17:19] at least until then is what I got from that. Platinum dog shit replies to that

[00:17:24] what a name and says why didn't you just go to your place? Opie says unfortunately I had to move

[00:17:32] back in with my mom last year due to financial reasons. She's made it clear that she doesn't care

[00:17:37] if we have a loan time when she's not home but when she is not too. I had a respect to my mom

[00:17:42] that's what I'm doing. Ferry Justice says as I always say on these as a girl best friend to a guy

[00:17:49] for 10 plus years I would never speak to his girlfriend like that. Delita Juser says from your

[00:17:55] perspective then what do you think she was trying to achieve by speaking to her like this?

[00:18:00] I'm not replies that saying I know the question is not directed at me but from my point of view

[00:18:04] she's probably trying to assert dominance as she's been here longer plus he would choose her

[00:18:09] as he has proven her right in my opinion and that definitely felt like the situation to me as well

[00:18:16] like there was some sort of dominance because I felt like if I was in that friend's position

[00:18:20] and the girlfriend came around and she was upset about all this I wouldn't try to like cause

[00:18:25] additional drama. I tried to find a way around it and reassure her that you know there is nothing

[00:18:30] going on here. We are just friends and you know if you are uncomfortable let's talk about it

[00:18:35] let's find a way to solve this. Not come out and say you better find a way to be comfortable with

[00:18:41] it and it was just give me some bad vibes but OP does come with an update and says so first of all

[00:18:48] I want to say thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice and support. I didn't expect

[00:18:53] this to blow up the way it did. As for an update I text him Thursday sometime after I made the post

[00:18:59] wanted to come pick up the things I have at his place Friday after work. All he replied with was

[00:19:04] sure last night after work I went to his place and when I got there I text him that I was in the

[00:19:10] parking lot and told him to bring my stuff down. I really didn't want to deal with faith like

[00:19:16] at all. He eventually came downstairs with a box of my stuff. I went there with every intention on

[00:19:22] just getting my things and walking away. I don't say anything but I don't know it was like word

[00:19:28] I couldn't stop myself and I asked him how long they've been sleeping together. He kind of laughed

[00:19:33] and said it doesn't really matter now does it. And I said it kind of does if he's been sleeping with

[00:19:39] a both of us at the same time. He said the night I stormed out of his place when he was sick

[00:19:43] was the first time they slept together since we've been together. I didn't ask if they slept

[00:19:48] together before me. I feel like the way he worded his answer confirmed the history of hooking up

[00:19:54] but maybe I'm reading into it. The last thing I said to him was that he needs to figure

[00:19:58] shit out because no woman is going to play second earth forever. I got in my car and left without

[00:20:03] letting him respond or looking for a reaction. I didn't feel great to know that he cheated on me

[00:20:09] even though I kind of expected it to be honest. I think I'm somewhere between anger and

[00:20:14] indifference right now. I've deleted and blocked both of them on literally everything. I just

[00:20:19] want to move on from all of this. I know some of you are going to say it's a lesson to be learned

[00:20:23] but all I learned from this is to make sure the next guy has no sexual history with any female

[00:20:28] friends before it becomes a relationship because fuck that. The comment has to appear on the back

[00:20:34] of this one, this sounds weird. Why all of a sudden now during your relationship when they've

[00:20:38] known each other for so long? It's also weird that if they would have been hooking up before you,

[00:20:44] why didn't they just become boyfriend and girlfriend? I'm immensely confused. Are they dropped on

[00:20:49] their heads or something? Or is it something else? I hope he says I kind of feel like they have this

[00:20:53] weird obsession with each other but for whatever reason won't date. I also don't believe that they

[00:20:58] haven't been hooking up throughout our entire relationship. He's a cheater, a liar wouldn't that

[00:21:03] be much more of a stretch? The original commenter says you sound really calm and I'd be infuriated,

[00:21:10] fucking wanting to burn them kind of angry lol you're right. I hope he says I cried on the way home

[00:21:17] I'm sitting in bed even ice cream so I'm handling it as well as I can.

[00:21:22] And I was getting the same vibes at that comment, comment abroad out as well you know that they've

[00:21:26] known each other all this time for so long and then they just slept together this one time.

[00:21:31] I kind of felt like you know they've been sleeping together for a while if that's the case

[00:21:36] but his response to OP when OP turned up and like they said they was word vomiting and he kind

[00:21:42] of laughed and says it doesn't really matter now does it? It just sort of gave me a little glimpse

[00:21:48] into his character right there anyway. Let them have each other OP, go on enjoy your ice cream

[00:21:55] and just live a better life without them. And now I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do

[00:21:59] you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts

[00:22:05] down in the comments below and just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved

[00:22:10] in today's stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so

[00:22:15] thank you so so much for being involved truly it's absolutely amazing and I will see you in the next

[00:22:21] one. Take care and much love!