After 20 Years My Father Wants To Reconnect And Mom Is Angry I'm Refusing r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do have you aware

[00:00:38] well my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. If you do love

[00:00:43] a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like subscribe, maybe that notification bell

[00:00:47] too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now today's first story is from the Entitled Parents subreddit and it's titled My father

[00:00:56] wants to reconnect with me after 20 years. My family gets mad at me when I refuse to talk

[00:01:02] to him. All the names I use are not real names of these people. The cast, me male 25, my

[00:01:09] sister Maria female 21, our mother Anna female 44 and our father John. For background my

[00:01:16] parents met in their late teens and soon had me. 3 years later they had my sister Maria.

[00:01:22] When my sister was 1 year old and I was 3 years old my parents got separated, they never

[00:01:28] got married because my father cheated on my mom with a woman who's over 20 years

[00:01:32] older than him from what I've been told and they're still together now. Growing up mom

[00:01:38] never told me or my sister too much about John. I know that both his parents and his

[00:01:42] sister pretty much disowned him after he cheated on my mom but they are irrelevant to this

[00:01:47] story. Anna never got full custody for us after that because she didn't know how, back

[00:01:53] then she didn't know what full custody meant but John was still sending Anna 200 euros

[00:01:58] a month for each of us until we became 18. I soon moved after turning 18 to live with

[00:02:04] a friend and in 2021 moved to another country where I currently live. After that I only

[00:02:10] kept little contact with my mom and almost none with my sister.

[00:02:14] Fast forward to the 31st of August, so 3 days before this post was made, on my birthday

[00:02:20] I get a call from an unknown number. I pick up and the following conversation followed.

[00:02:25] OP says hello and someone on the other end says OP? OP says yes who is this? And John

[00:02:33] says it's me, John. I'm sorry but I don't think I know you. I'm your dad. I'm sorry?

[00:02:40] John says how are you? OP says why did you call me? John says it's your birthday right?

[00:02:46] OP replies yes it is. John says happy birthday OP. OP says again why did you decide to call

[00:02:53] me now? Don't you have a new family? John says yes I'm married now but have no other

[00:02:58] kids other than you and Maria. At this point I was in disbelief so I ended the call. I

[00:03:04] couldn't understand why he decided to call me after 20 fucking years of no contact between

[00:03:09] us. He tried calling me again but every time I ignored the call. The next day my mom called

[00:03:15] me. OP answers the phone and mom says why did you hang up on John? OP says mom are

[00:03:21] you serious right now? She says yes he's changed now he wants to have a son and daughter again.

[00:03:27] OP says I guess it's just a bit too late don't you think? Mom says stop being dumb and go

[00:03:33] talk to your father to which OP says no you go talk to him if you want to. I have nothing

[00:03:38] to talk about with that piece of shit. After I said that I hung up on her also. With my

[00:03:43] mom, her side of the family and also my sister have been blowing up my phone daily. I already

[00:03:49] blocked some of them. He's hurt us badly and everyone decided to forgive him out of nowhere

[00:03:54] for no apparent reason. I am not forgiving him. I'm thinking about cutting contact with

[00:04:00] the rest of my family if they keep defending him. A good father doesn't leave his children

[00:04:05] for 20 and then out of nowhere decides that he's entitled to having a relationship with

[00:04:09] them. I keep you all updated on this but for now I'll be going no contact with them for

[00:05:09] the rest of my life.

[00:05:10] My new family experiment failed. Now I need my safety net or I'm screwed. OP's bio father.

[00:05:17] Plentymetal says I don't get how everyone defending him expects you to forgive and forget.

[00:05:21] Just like that. When it seems no apology has been made in the, I assume, first contact

[00:05:26] he had with you in 20 years. He deserves to have a second chance it's up to you. As for

[00:05:31] why they're defending him my guess is they've been in contact for a while now. Maybe they

[00:05:36] pushed him to get in contact with you. Who knows what they told him if my theory is

[00:05:40] true.

[00:05:41] Jip says go ahead and call me paranoid or a conspiracy theorist but I have a sneaking

[00:05:46] suspicion that either John or his much older wife is terminally ill. I'd bet that your

[00:05:51] family thinks that there's now an inheritance in the mix. It's really the only reason I

[00:05:56] can think of for people who were hurt by this awful man who would selfishly abandon his

[00:06:00] family to forgive him and pressure you to do so as well. Of course it's entirely up

[00:06:05] to you whether you hear him out or not. Either way I hope you have a wonderful future.

[00:06:10] Vegetable Cod says OP I'm sorry I've been estranged from my father a time or two and

[00:06:16] the outside pressure and judgement to cave is so annoying. Everyone seems to think it's

[00:06:21] okay to give their opinion on a relationship that's just between you and John. There's

[00:06:25] always someone saying be the bigger person or what will it cost you to give in? He's

[00:06:30] strong and firm. My relationship with John is just between him and myself. I don't

[00:06:35] need or want opinions or criticism about it from third parties and will only say that

[00:06:40] John whining to everyone else about what happened just strengthens my resolve to have no relationship

[00:06:45] with him and anyone pushing my boundaries.

[00:06:49] Science Girl replies saying it's so amazing that they think they can just drop into your

[00:06:52] life and expect to be treated like a returning hero and all should be forgiven because he's

[00:06:58] changed. My dad disowned us for years until my brother's wedding. After that he thought

[00:07:03] we should be closer but on his terms. He could come and go as he pleased but we were the

[00:07:08] bad guys for not taking responsibility to keep in touch. We never got in the habit of

[00:07:13] thinking we had a dad to consider, especially since he moved to Montana and we're in California.

[00:07:18] He would tell us his plan to visit and we were supposed to accommodate him. There was

[00:07:23] a weird relationship due to his behavior. Damn a little story just popped into my head from

[00:07:27] when I was younger as well. I'll tell you at the end.

[00:07:30] But OP came in to update their post and says to summarize it all up, my family disowned

[00:07:35] me. I personally couldn't be happier now that I don't have to put up with their bullshit.

[00:07:40] Four days ago on the 3rd of September I arranged a zoom call with my mother and John. I was

[00:07:45] really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I wanted an explanation. My current

[00:07:51] girlfriend decided that she wanted to be next to me during the call. She's been fully supportive

[00:07:55] of my decision to not forgive the piece of shit of a father that John is.

[00:08:00] The call happened on the 5th of September, two days ago. I started the call, text my mom

[00:08:05] to join the call and tell John to also enter. She quickly texts me back and in about 5 minutes

[00:08:10] she entered the call. Next to her was sitting my sister. The first thing my mother said

[00:08:15] left me speechless. She asked me, who's that racist slur about OP's girlfriend next to you?

[00:08:23] For context, my girlfriend is half Chinese and half Romanian. Also, my mother alongside

[00:08:28] of her side of the family are extremely racist. Then John entered. There he was, almost like

[00:08:34] looking in a mirror. Same facial features, hair color, nose, everything. He said hi.

[00:08:39] I told him to tell me about what happened. He didn't waste any time telling me a made

[00:08:44] up story about how my mother didn't give him any attention after my sister was born

[00:08:48] and that he was extremely depressed. I knew that John was a piece of shit,

[00:08:52] but cheating on his girlfriend and putting the blame on her because she took all her

[00:08:56] time caring for their newborn and their toddler is the most pathetic excuse I've heard in my life.

[00:09:01] I told him to cut the bullshit and then my mother had the audacity to defend this pathetic

[00:09:06] excuse of a father. My sister sat there quiet. I decided that it wasn't worth trying to get

[00:09:11] anything out of them so I ended the call early. I just sat there and cried while my girlfriend

[00:09:16] was comforting me, telling me that I did nothing wrong. Neither my mother or anyone else tried to

[00:09:22] call me but that night my mother sent me a long text message that I copy and paste here,

[00:09:27] translated into English. OP, I want you to know that I don't want anything more to do with you.

[00:09:33] You've hurt us a lot and decided enough was enough. I have no longer a son. I told every one

[00:09:38] of our relatives about how rude you were to us and we all agreed to cut contact with you since

[00:09:43] you clearly don't need us anymore. You alongside that racist slur again can go to hell and I will

[00:09:49] make sure to have you cut out of the will. I wish you to burn in hell alongside your cousin. Goodbye.

[00:09:56] I couldn't believe what I just read. I decided that enough was enough and blocked all my family

[00:10:01] except for some cousins, aunts and uncles. I will admit I was very sad but now I feel like I did

[00:10:07] the right thing by cutting contact with all those toxic assholes. I still have been given no exact

[00:10:12] reason as to why John wanted to get in contact with me but I don't need any reason now. I learned

[00:10:18] the hard way that family is not about blood, it's about the ones who will be there for you at any

[00:10:23] time in your life and show you love when you need it the most. I will be taking a break from Reddit

[00:10:28] for now since I'm planning to focus more on work and my life. Thank you to everyone for your support

[00:10:34] on the original post. And the top comment just said good for you. I wish you happiness and a

[00:10:40] boatload of love with your girlfriend. She chose you, you chose her. We're each other's family now

[00:10:45] and that seems to be much better than what you've left behind. And absolutely you're going to live

[00:10:50] your best life without that drama in your life. It still left me with a lot of questions but now

[00:10:55] I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your

[00:11:00] thoughts down in the comments below. And oh yeah I got a little bit of waffle for you haven't I?

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[00:12:09] slash ACAST. So let's get involved but first let me just say I know some people don't enjoy the

[00:12:19] waffle side of things and me telling my little bits of stories or whatever so timestamps are

[00:12:23] always down in the description feel free to skip it etc etc. Another little thing I always like to

[00:12:29] say first is, I just generally say this for any story I say now that there was mental health

[00:12:34] issues when I was younger. It wasn't discussed you know mental health wasn't really discussed

[00:12:39] when I was younger especially where we lived but looking back now and you know reading many of

[00:12:43] these stories and sort of them educating me about it I know a lot more and I could and I can see

[00:12:48] there was a lot of mental health issues so I'm never ever playing down anyone that side of

[00:12:52] things at all I'm just telling things like it is like it happened for me. So this family I've spoken

[00:12:58] in the past mainly about the son who took our barrel I used to have on my skateboard and cut a

[00:13:04] hole in it took it to the river it turned over and he fell out in the river. He was safe by the way

[00:13:09] but it's to do with that family so in that family there was like there was two sons two girls

[00:13:15] with the older son as the one who took the barrel and then the mom and father and mom and father

[00:13:20] they've always had a bit of a rocky relationship I would say and one day when we're all roughly around

[00:13:26] I think it was around 10 or 11 you know the the father of this family he says to his wife that

[00:13:32] you know his mom's ill and she's in Blackpool which is probably about three three and a half

[00:13:36] hours away from where we lived so he's gonna go and stay with her a bit rather than traveling back

[00:13:41] and forth to to care for her. We wasn't aware of what this illness was at the time but all of us

[00:13:46] just knew from like talking to our friends who were part of that family that it was a pretty bad

[00:13:52] illness so kick away to Blackpool stay with his mom come back every couple of weeks or so and this

[00:13:59] went on for some time. This guy had a part-time job as a coach driver so it didn't really affect

[00:14:06] anything like that but this guy would go away everything seemed absolutely fine but about three

[00:14:11] months into this happening he just never came back. He went to Blackpool one day never came back

[00:14:17] and went pretty much no contact with his family didn't respond to them or anything like that. So

[00:14:23] you know us as kids would ask ask our friend you know where's your dad gone we haven't seen him

[00:14:27] in a long time and it's just like well he's just disappeared and obviously they're very worried

[00:14:31] because you know your dad just disappearing you think what the bloody hell's happened to him?

[00:14:35] They obviously tried getting in contact with his mom at the time but there was no response from her

[00:14:40] house there was nothing it was assumed that because she was in sort of like a care home when he wasn't

[00:14:46] in a care home. They weren't sure what care place she was in or anything like that so there was no

[00:14:52] contact information there but about a week later you know they were really concerned so the the

[00:14:57] wife got in contact with the police because she's like well you know he could be really hurt or

[00:15:04] something along those lines no one contacted them about it but eventually he was tracked down and

[00:15:10] apparently his response was that you know he just wants no contact and that was it.

[00:15:14] So obviously this left the whole family really concerned worried just confused about what the

[00:15:20] hell is going on and it turned out you know his mom wasn't ill in the end his mom didn't even

[00:15:26] live in Blackpool anymore and she was apparently perfectly healthy but he had found someone else

[00:15:33] which he met online in Blackpool and started settling down with them cut out contact with

[00:15:39] Four or so years later he turns up back around the area I'm not sure why he did that. Of all the

[00:15:44] areas you could have picked he moved back to the place where people absolutely hated him but he

[00:15:49] didn't move in with his wife or anything like that he just moved into one of the flats that was on

[00:15:53] like a different block obviously he didn't have too many friends around the area with the stories

[00:15:57] that was going around you know as much as it was like a crazy area sometimes and traumatic stuff

[00:16:04] going on the majority of people were quite close-knit and protective of one another not

[00:16:10] everyone of course because as I said there was a lot of crazy shit that went on but I'm fairly

[00:16:14] confident and it breaks my heart it does it really fucked up the family in general and the kids

[00:16:20] especially like their dad just disappearing like that. The older one was especially messed up I'm

[00:16:25] pretty sure at that time when he was younger he was already into sort of potential drugs and stuff

[00:16:31] I obviously don't know but it certainly felt like it and even to this day I'm pretty sure he is but

[00:16:37] anyway my little waffle is over but now we're going to move to the next story which comes from

[00:16:42] disastrouspower101 it's from the mitharsoul subreddit doesn't have an update as yet and

[00:16:48] it's titled mitharsoul for trying to take back 80k of the 160,000 my spouse spent behind my back

[00:16:56] my husband spent 160,000 investing in baseball cards without telling me during the same time

[00:17:03] he would get mad at me for spending money on meal plans or salon services I would get yelled

[00:17:08] at for my disrespectful spending and my financial goals not aligning with his so he'd say he did most

[00:17:15] of this spending on his personal credit card that he paid off with our joint account for a long time

[00:17:20] I didn't have access to our online banking so I didn't see the amount he was paying in his credit

[00:17:25] card whenever I would question a two dollar or four thousand dollar payment he would have some

[00:17:30] excuse and usually would say it was on the family or grocery store he would refuse to show me his

[00:17:35] statements one day driving to lunch he mentioned how my friends owed him for the concert tickets

[00:17:41] I'd used his card to buy I agreed to get the money from them in mentioning the card though

[00:17:46] I remember just seeing another four thousand dollar payment come from our joint this was after

[00:17:51] two months ago when he promised he had a two thousand balance and was going to pay it off

[00:17:55] and stop using it so I asked I thought it was going to be paid off a couple of months ago

[00:18:01] that was all it took he launched into me about how I ruin everything we can't just enjoy the day this

[00:18:07] is why my relationships never work on and on and dropped me off back to our house and left

[00:18:14] it was this outburst that made me realize there was more going on after lots of back and forth

[00:18:20] and digging and finally getting him to give me access to his credit card statements added up a

[00:18:25] hundred and sixty thousand dollars in three years that he spent I already realized the financial

[00:18:30] abuse that has taken place on many levels and there is so much I'm not including during all of

[00:18:35] this my husband met with a divorce lawyer and begged me for another chance that was about a

[00:18:41] year ago we're still together but as you can imagine the financial issues are only one of many

[00:18:47] we have at the time I realized what he had spent I was so ill prepared for a divorce

[00:18:51] I started transferring money from our joint to my personal every month my goal over time

[00:18:56] is to take my half back 80k and invest how I want to he was of course mad but I basically said oh

[00:19:04] well he should have considered me when he spent it and I was only correcting a wrong recently he

[00:19:09] made sure the money wasn't in the account when my transfer was scheduled he did this two months in a

[00:19:15] row and said I could no longer do this I waited for the money to be there and did the transfer

[00:19:20] anyway he went nuts telling me I'm a rat he's selling the house dissolving our business etc etc

[00:19:28] he says that it's wrong for me to go tit for tat and I should let it go the money is just sitting

[00:19:33] in my account as I have not spent any of it am I the asshole for trying to take my half back over

[00:19:39] time. So horror friendship asks the op they said info have you actually seen this baseball card

[00:19:46] collection I mean it sounds like he was spending on other things in addition I would insist on

[00:19:51] the receipts not just a credit card I'd google the business on the cc as it sounds like he was

[00:19:56] spending it elsewhere aside from that dump him pull back your money in the divorce and live a

[00:20:00] better life I all but guarantee that his divorce consultant told him that you wouldn't pay him

[00:20:05] alimony and that you had grounds for financial abuse and mental cruelty not the arse off.

[00:20:11] Op says yes the cards are everywhere organized in sleeves and boxes he has many of them

[00:20:17] PSA graded I checked all the companies on the statements I was unsure of

[00:20:21] most were grading companies or sellers. Now I wonder and I'm not sure about the legality of

[00:20:29] all of this but if you could just take half those cards as well seeing it was invested with pretty

[00:20:34] much your money. Those cards are worth a ton I was watching a stream probably about a week or so

[00:20:40] ago of this guy opening boxes of them like for his viewers like they would pay him and he would open

[00:20:45] the boxes and then they'd get like one of these rare ones it was football ones like soccer and

[00:20:50] like every other pack is going wow that's a 300 pound card I was like what the fuck but in all

[00:20:55] in all you need to get yourself out of that situation holy moly this garden grow says he

[00:21:00] saw a divorce attorney and after that begged you to stay together sounds like the attorney told him

[00:21:04] that he'd be financially accountable if a divorce happened so get your own appointment with a

[00:21:09] divorce lawyer tell them everything and bring evidence I suspect where you would get your

[00:21:13] money back during the divorce and probably alimony which is the real reason your husband wants to

[00:21:19] stay together to avoid being held accountable yeah and that certainly did pop into my head as

[00:21:24] well as I was reading that it's like he met with a divorce attorney then suddenly wants to get back

[00:21:28] together I mean yeah a bit sus right but non-binary says why wait just divorce now who says I don't know

[00:21:35] all the reason that everyone who was scared to leave says kids house we share a business I also

[00:21:41] know you will make it hell and I know it's always easy for me to say because I'm not going through

[00:21:47] it I'm not feeling what you're feeling right now but I think you really just need to take a step

[00:21:53] back and and read what you just said even that very last thing that he will make it hell

[00:21:58] that just says it all about this person to me and I think you also need to think about your children

[00:22:04] at the same time do you really want this type of person around them but what do you guys make of

[00:22:10] this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you from

[00:22:15] the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories your love your support your time

[00:22:19] always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the

[00:22:23] next one take care and much love ever catch yourself eating the same flavorless dinner three

[00:22:57] days in a row dreaming of something better well hello fresh is your guilt-free dream come true

[00:23:03] baby it's me geeky palmer let's wake up those taste buds with hot juicy pecan crusted chicken

[00:23:09] or garlic butter shrimp scampi hello fresh stop dreaming of all the delicious possibilities

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