My Partners Friend Made Some 'Odd' Comments But Boyfriend Says It's Just Banter | r/AITA

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account that says,

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00] I, female 21, told my partner, male 25, about an off comment his friend made. And now I feel bad about it. Were my feelings valid? I went to a Halloween party this year with my partner. I was dressed as Velma and he was shaggy. Everything was going great and I was genuinely having a great time. At one point I went to the kitchen to grab some water. One of my partner's friends came in after me. I barely know this guy and

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00] I was definitely drunk. He looked me up and down and made a comment about how cute and slutty I was and referenced my outfit in a way that made my stomach drop. Then he followed it up with another comment implying my partner would be excited to get me out of those clothes later. And that he would too, if he was my partner. But I looked like I needed to be cracked. Whatever the hell that means. It just felt uncomfortable and gross.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00] I left without getting water and went straight back to my partner. I didn't say anything at the time because I thought maybe I was overreacting. I've had friends joke with me before, but they're my friends and it has never felt like this. Fast forward to about a week ago. My partner asked if I wanted to go to that friend's Christmas party. I said no. Way too quickly and he immediately knew something was off.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00] When he asked me to be honest, I ended up crying. I cry when stressed. I don't know. I told him what happened. He got really quiet. Like really very scarily quiet. Then he wiped my tears and asked hesitantly if his friend had touched me at all. When I said no, he looked so relieved, then angry again before he stepped outside to make a call.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00] I heard the front door open, then slam. When he came back, he looked resigned. He told me I didn't have to worry about that friend or the party and apologized that I felt I couldn't tell him sooner. Now I feel guilty. Like I cause unnecessary drama by bringing it up so late. I keep wondering if my reaction that night was valid or if I made a big deal out of something I should have brushed off. I just can't anymore.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00] Absolutely. You didn't do anything wrong in this situation and your feelings are 100% valid. You didn't cause the drama. His friend did by being creepy. He was sexually harassing you at that party and making you feel unsafe. The slotty comment and the cracked, whatever that means, which, you know, sounds pretty sexual, I think, but I'm not 100% sure. None of that was like friendly banter, which it sounds like you have with your friends. And, you know, your gut was telling you to leave in that situation, which you did. And, you didn't overreact at all.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, in some ways you underreacted by keeping it to yourself, but I totally get why you did that at the same time. Because, you're processing something that was incredibly uncomfortable to you. And, it sounds like your partner handled this absolutely brilliantly. Not questioning it, not minimizing it. Didn't ask if you misunderstood or anything like that. He just checked if you were safe and then took action immediately. I wouldn't feel guilty in this situation at all. You protected yourself and then you told your partner the truth about what happened and he stepped up.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00] But, weekly conversation says to OP, you didn't do anything wrong. His hopefully ex-friend is a disgusting predator. He's the one who caused this when he made a sexual comment to you. OP says, thank you. I don't know. I get so nervous when there's conflict or when I feel like I've started a mess or when I didn't have to. My partner keeps hovering. I think we both just don't know how to broach this or I think he's given me room to bring it up first again. I don't know. Thank you.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00] With my best guess, I assume he called and cursed that guy out. So, it was just under a week later that OP did come back into the post and said, here's the actual quick update. I'm going to just delete this account if I'm going to be completely honest. I feel really silly for posting but I'm also glad I did in a way because a lot of you are super duper nice. Except for the weirdos who asked to see my fit. Like, read the room or something maybe.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00] But this is for the people who actually went out of their way to comment something nice and help me through this. Anyway, we actually talked the same night I made my original post. I was reading comments when my partner texts along the lines of, Hey, on the way home right now, can we set aside some time tonight, maybe after dinner, to talk about the elephant in the room? I spent a whole hour and a half hyping myself up and still cried immediately into our conversation by the way.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00] We started with why we avoided the conversation first. We both admitted we were anxious and using being busy as a crutch of sorts. We agreed to address stuff sooner next time because our relationship is a top priority and should be treated as such. Then he told me he did talk to that friend. That phone call he stepped out to take? That was it. He ended up taking it all the way to the car because it got that ugly. He tried to soften the details for me. He always does.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00] But the summary was, my partner got heated, borderline threats were made, and the guy tried to brush it off with, They were just compliments and, You should be flattered too, bro. She's hot. My partner at that point, especially after that last point, hung up before he said anything he couldn't take back. He also admitted it was probably good. I didn't tell him the night of the party.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00] He was drunk and based on how furious he was, he was sober and how dim that guy seems to actually be, he's pretty sure he'd have actually swung on the guy. And for the record, he had no idea that friend was a creep. They met through someone else, pretty recently too, which is why I don't really know this guy. I'm glad I will never have to know now because my partner is cutting him off completely and plans on telling anyone who asks about it the truth.

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00] That guy is a creep and a predator around women. All in all, we're good. I feel really safe and really hurt and just I'm so happy even if the comments also made me realize that I have a definite confidence problem. That's my own fault though. But my partner also alluded to it. He told me very gently that he wants me to come to him when something or someone harms me and that I deserve to speak up. Not hide, not make myself small.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00] I don't have to do that anymore when there's people who care about me. Hearing him say that meant a lot. So did your guys' comments too. I don't know where it comes from. Maybe I do and I just don't know how to confront it yet. But I'm pretty sure I have to soon. Myself, my relationships. Anyway, we're good. I'm happy and the panic is now for the most part over. My partner dealt with all of this in a way I didn't even know I needed, you know?

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00] I think I need to start listening to my gut more. And thank you again to everyone who supported me on the original post. If I missed anything and you're curious about, feel free to ask. And please drink some water and stay curious about tomorrow, please. And thank you. Bloody hell, that partner's a keeper, isn't he? He absolutely crushed this. He confronted the guy, cut him off completely and gently called out, you know, your own habit of making yourself small and showed you exactly what having your back looks like.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_00] The, when he said, you don't have to do that anymore. Just absolutely amazing. Keep trusting those instincts and stick with that guy. He sounds absolutely amazing. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from LikeMeForMe, who says,

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00] I, 27 male, am concerned that my semi-girlfriend, 23 female, of a couple of months is with me for my celebrity status. I've worried about this in the past. This is obviously a throwaway for good reason. Without going into much detail, I'm an actor on a sitcom. And I've been for a few years. I'm a supporting actor and most of you would not know my name. But many would be familiar with my character. I'm certainly far from a big deal.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not famous enough to be followed by paparazzi, thankfully. But I am recognized regularly on the streets. I do fine financially, but I'm not Brad Pitt. I wish. And I don't live a very high-profile celebrity lifestyle. I'm happy just staying in on the weekend. I recently met someone at a coffee shop. I sat next to her and we started chatting. She was down to earth and when she asked what I did, I told her I did some acting. Nothing uncommon around these parts.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00] She didn't seem to recognize me and I didn't go into more detail. I got a number and we text a few times. Then we met for lunch and she said something that made it clear. She recognized me. We've hung out then since several times. She wanted to introduce me to one of her friends who is a killer fan of the show. That had me nervous. Apparently, she's just a big fan. I didn't really like to be paraded in that way, but it was fine. That's part of my job to some extent.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00] The thing that is getting to me is that she often refers to me as though I am my character. For example, I might say something sarcastic and she'll say, Okay, character. I'm not on Facebook, but one of my friends is and he friended her. He showed me a page and she wrote a few months ago. Oh my god, I met my name. I think he is into me. Hashtag celeb girlfriend.

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00] Use of hashtags on Facebook aside, it is starting to make me think she was into me for my character or to show off and not into me. This is obviously a problem in my life. I've dated two actresses. Neither of who are all that famous. Both had their sights on bigger things. I know for a fact that at least one was using me as a way to get her name out there. It worked. I'm very happy for her. Otherwise, I am attracted to students, bartenders, baristas, etc.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00] I tend to date around, rarely in serious relationships, because I'm concerned that they don't like me for me. I play a very extroverted, confident character, but that isn't me in real life. My self-esteem is fine, but I guess I'm a bit paranoid. I feel like this girl likes me, but would she if I wasn't a minor celebrity? Is there some way to know? Am I doomed to dating within the industry?

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00] So most people realize that who we are as characters is not really how we are as people. Any advice is appreciated. Oh, and yes, I am a regular Redditor. I lurk on this so a lot, and I appreciate the advice of those not in the industry. Thank you. Edit, just to clarify, she doesn't call me by my character's name. She does talk about my character as if it is another person. But she then compares me to him. I really appreciate everything I've read so far.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00] Even if I don't directly respond to it. Sweet Pea said to OP, I'll tell her you're not comfortable with her announcing you on Facebook, etc. It's a new relationship, and you're not even on Facebook, so that's pretty weird. She sounds a little immature in my opinion. I'll put some space between yourselves. I don't think she's the one for you. How is the relationship otherwise? OP replied saying thanks. I don't know if I'd say immature, but I could see why you would say that.

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_00] When we are together, we tend to have excellent conversations. She's beautiful, has a good head on her shoulders, and is very understanding of my work schedule. We haven't had the talk about being exclusive, but as far as I'm concerned, we are. So yeah, it's pretty good. I feel like this is more my problem than anything she is doing overall. I don't know how to approach it with her without sounding like I'm accusing her of something. Liquid says,

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00] Otherwise, I'm attracted to students, bartenders, baristas, etc. And then says, That said, I think this is the problem really. These are probably the last types of people you want to date. You need to find someone who's more established in a legit career. So you're more or less equals. And who isn't interested in ingrating herself into the world of showbiz? OP says,

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know what my equals would be, as I don't want to date anyone in the entertainment industry. She's going to graduate in May in engineering, if that matters. These are just people I've been attracted to. I've dated professionals as well, but I keep coming back to the person I meet at quiet places. You've given me something to consider, however. And the top commenter says, I live in West Hollywood, so I've seen a lot of this.

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_00] I think the key is time. Simply getting to know her better, and her getting to know you better. If she's in the industry and is using you, you're already learning how to recognize this. But if she is not in the industry and just a little dazzled and excited, I wouldn't take this as a death blow. She's young and our culture has become really obsessed by this sort of thing. As she gets to know you, it will gradually become obvious whether she likes the real you or not. What you are asking for, if you think about it, is what we all want.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_00] A guarantee. Does she really like me? Or just my looks, my money, my status, the fantasy in his slash her head? You don't have to be a celebrity to wonder if the person you are with is really seeing you clearly. We all struggle with this. Your situation just has a more easily identifiable element to it. But this is why celebrities hook up with celebrities. Expatriates with other expatriates. Thank you, Pretzel. Millionaires marry other millionaires.

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_00] You try to find someone whose life cancels out the extraneous factors. I can see why, but it doesn't really address the ultimate problem we all face. Does the person I am really with see me? And to add to that, we seldom show our real selves because we are convinced deep down that we aren't all that lovable. Lol. So dating becomes a test. I'll hide who I am and you can come and find me.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_00] So it was just under a week later that OP did come back in with an update. And they said, I want to thank everyone for the comment to my original question here and shared the link. Your kindness and sage advice was overwhelming. I apologize for not commenting more in that thread. I did, however, read all of the comments. I also apologize if I did not respond to the man's PMs I received. The man PMs I received. Several wanted to know who I was. Sorry.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_00] Some wanted to know about other famous people on Reddit. Probably quite a few. And I especially appreciated the messages from those of you who have been in similar positions. Same with comments to that effect. My favorite PM was the one telling me to swallow some sort of pill with a link to a subreddit that I can only assume consists of troubled, aggressive 15-year-old boys who don't have mothers or sisters. Wow. No thanks, but you enjoy that. Anyway. After thinking and reading,

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00] I decided that maybe I was blowing the situation out of proportion, but also that I needed to be honest about my feelings. She and I talked for a long time. I more or less told her everything that I said here. I debated about just showing her the post but decided against it. It was a great conversation and brought us much closer together. I'm happy to say that this conversation also led to the exclusivity talk. We are officially a couple now. A few things.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00] She apologized about the Facebook post but also explained it. She said that she assumed I was just a womanizing celebrity who got numbers just for the sake of doing so. The celeb girlfriend thing was sarcasm as she figured I would never contact her. I did laugh at her use of hashtags on Facebook. She admitted to me that it was a bit overwhelming for a while because she figured I would just date within the industry. I guess she also googled me and saw who I've dated in the past. I assured her I don't make comparisons like that.

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00] She told me that the shock of things have worn off and now she sees me as a person. She did joke about the character thing and that she said she could never date the character I play. When she brings it up it is just some gentle ribbing. That made me feel kind of silly. She said what many of you said. Me being in a sitcom is who I am. She just can't ignore that. But she said she is much more excited about the production work than any of the acting.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00] She wants to know how things work. Me being an actor to her is not all that different than anything else. But she warned me that many of her friends might see it differently. Some already want to know if I'll introduce them to celebrities I've never met and probably will never meet. If I did I'd probably be in shock. When they realize of how little of a deal I am then I think we can easily blend our friend groups and what not. A couple of you mentioned dating down etc.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] She also informed me that she has two job offers for when she graduates at large firms. One is here and the other is in Portland. As of right now her plan is to stay here and I factor into that. I'm not looking at her as the person I'm going to marry. Could she be? Yes. Then again so could a lot of people in my past and my future. Instead I'm just going to enjoy the ride. She was mature and did a lot to assuage my concerns.

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00] She even told me she thought I was using her for access to the university's library. Ha! She's beautiful and so it seems she does like me for me. Who knows where this will lead. But I sincerely appreciate all of the comments. They help me to organize my thoughts and to just say to hell with it. And actually talk to her. But now I'm going to turn this one straight to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00] Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the PettyRevenge subreddit. From IDon'tWannaSignIn. Titled Dress Down So I Stood Up. I worked in an office where they promoted a very new, unexperienced, unqualified suck up from an entry level guy to a team lead. One of three under the manager. There were roughly 30 people on the team.

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_00] HR Rawls stated that he wasn't allowed to apply due to having been in the company for under one year. Had zero leadership experience, etc, etc. Grievances were filed with HR and dropped despite multiple fully qualified individuals with spotless records being in the running. He was known to be a suck up and wasn't really liked prior to his promotion. After the promotion, he was wildly hated. Apart from a couple of sycophants.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00] Quite entertaining in retrospect, how people would degrade themselves for the fairest scraps of power. Anyway, middle management knew he was reviled and told him he had to find a way to get people to like him. His solution was not required, but you should think of them as required. Happy hours every month. For the first one, most everyone felt like they had to go and started figuring out how to fit it into their schedule.

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_00] Some of these people had an hour drive each way and were finding sitters for their kids. These people were terrified they would lose their jobs if they missed drinking a few beers with the boss. I should note that he has roped in everyone under the manager. I'm not even technically under this guy. I knew my rights and declined the invite. He comes by my cube a few times and the day of to try and pressure me into being there. Dude, there is no way I'm spending my free time with work people.

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_00] You can either keep me on the clock or you can't ask me to be there. I know my rights. I like my team members well enough. Had been to parties at their houses, etc. But I'm not going to go out with a team lead under any circumstances. Team lead did not like that and walked away in a huff. Next day, everyone comes in and everyone is pretending like they had fun. And it's very clear they're just trying to get away from team lead's attempts at chumming with them.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] Around 10, we have a stand up. And he talks about how great it was to have everyone at the thing. Then he singles me out. Talks about how anti-social I am and how management notices when people aren't team players. Don't skip required events, etc. Lol. Okay, dude. About 20 minutes later, I email the entire team. Hey all. Team member asked me about required after work events that are unpaid. So I figured I'd share with everyone.

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_00] State statute. Blah says that for hourly employees like us, that we can't be required to go to these sort of things without being on the clock. So if you can't find a sit-over and can't make it, you don't need to worry at all. Totally friendly. Totally non-confrontational. Totally effective. Team lead sat by himself at the bar for the next two required but not required happy hours. And had to find another way to force people to like him.

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, I absolutely love this kind of stuff in the workplace. Like an absolutely cheeky move where you didn't argue. You didn't complain. You didn't make it personal at all. You just calmly drop the facts in everyone's inbox. Let them do the work themselves. You didn't tell people not to go. You just reminded them that they had a choice. And it just left me curious after this about what his next attempt at winning people over is going to be.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00] It's going to be something ridiculous, isn't it? And will he try to get revenge on OP in some way at the same time? I certainly hope not because OP doesn't deserve that. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. That's just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_00] Take care and much love.