My Husband Doesn't See Sexting As Cheating And Thinks I'm Overreacting

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account on the Relationship Advice subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_00] 35-year-old female, fiancée, 36 male, has been sexting with a woman and doesn't consider it cheating. My fiance let me use his MacBook to work from home on Friday since my work laptop had to be sent in to be fixed. He has his text messages go to both his iPhone and his MacBook. When I was using it last week, I saw a text come through from someone he had saved as sexyT.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_00] I clicked on it and there were months of text history that came up, all sexual conversation. Lots of pics, back and forth, all during the day. He even told her the day prior that he was having sex with me and he was thinking about her. I was really upset about it. I decided to give myself a few hours to cool off and then talk to him about it. I took screenshots and emailed them to myself in case he denied it, which is what he did previously when I thought he was cheating on me two years ago.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00] I had sent some texts and he acted like I was crazy and imagining things. When I spoke to him about it on Friday night, he did not deny it. But he told me it's no different than watching porn because he's not actually having sex with her. He told me they met at a networking event pre-pandemic and kept in touch. He said she just started sending him hot photos and one thing led to another. He told me he would stop talking to her, but only after I got really upset.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00] I'm still using his MacBook today, Monday, because the replacement my company sent won't be here until tomorrow or Wednesday. I decided to go into his messages on his MacBook again and sure enough, he had been texting her since around 9am. He told her he can't text her much anymore. Then not an hour later, he's texting her that he can't stand not texting her. I didn't even say anything to him. I just packed up my stuff.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] We moved in together about three months ago, called my former roommate to confirm my old room was still available, which it is, and went back to my old apartment. He tried to stop me and acted like he had no idea why I was doing what I was doing and that I'm taking things way overboard. When I got to my old apartment, I sent him a pic I took of his text conversation from this morning. Would you classify this as cheating? Absolutely, this is cheating, isn't it?

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_00] You know, he's built an ongoing emotional and sexual relationship with a real person, exchanging messages and photos for months. And even went as far to tell her that he was thinking of her while having sex with you. And what makes it worse is when you actually confronted him, he just went to minimize it, comparing it to porn and was promising to stop all this kind of stuff. But then continued hours later, right? He's knowingly doing something that would hurt you.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00] He was hiding it because he knows it would hurt you. And then continued to do it even after you asked him to stop. There's no coming back from that. Adept One says, of course it's cheating. Whether or not he's physically touched her, this is an emotional affair. There is no relationship or interaction with porn. It's just entertainment. He's engaged in a relationship with this woman. Meg says, I'm giving you major props for moving out and not letting him gaslight you into staying.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00] He's a cheater and I guarantee when they met they hooked up and he's cheated previously. Let him go and move on. Someone else will treat you better. Luffy Chan says, I didn't even need to get past the title. It doesn't matter what he considers is and isn't cheating. You have your own boundaries, you decide what is and isn't cheating to you. If he doesn't like your boundaries, that is fine and he doesn't have to be with you. If he crosses your boundaries, you don't have to listen to invalidate them. Stick by them.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00] After actually reading the rest of the post, it's my opinion that not only is he cheating, he's lying to you about the extent. At the very minimum, I believe he is emotionally invested with this woman from the language he uses. Also, the fact that he knows her and has met her immediately makes it completely different to porn. Your fiancé does not know the porn stars he jags off to. Finally, you seeing evidence of the behavior before and then him saying it doesn't exist and that you must be crazy is a classic example of gaslighting. You did the right thing and leaving.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00] Don't falter now. Also, I'm a man and a fiancé. I've experienced this treatment myself and so has my fiancé from exes. It fucking sucks but you'll be glad you got out. Good luck. Pikachu loves snowy says my ex-partner did a similar thing. Swore up and down that it wasn't cheating because they never did anything physical. I asked why he hid it then if nothing was wrong and he didn't have an answer. I made it absolutely clear that it was not okay.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00] I stayed and not two months later found more messages and kicked him out. If one person has a problem with something in the relationship, then both people should take issue with it. It is not you against him. It is you and him against the problem. If he does not see the problem and he does not see you as a team. And one more commenter from a deleted user says, First of all, obviously this is cheating. He knows this is cheating. Otherwise, why would he have kept this relationship hidden? Second of all, it is irrelevant if he thinks it is cheating.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00] If it is cheating to you, you have every right to end the relationship over it. And I totally agree, that's the right course of action. And third, the fact that he lied to you about ending it makes it even worse. He's going behind your back to have a relationship with someone. That's cheating. And fourth, how dumb do you have to be to get caught because your girlfriend uses your MacBook. And then the next day, while she still has access to your MacBook, still continues sexting over the same devices. Who'd want to be with someone that dumb?

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00] So Opie came back into the post five weeks later and says, Last month I posted this post where I described how my fiance had been sexting some woman he met at a work conference. And I ended up leaving. You can read the details here and share the link. Of course, after I left and sent him the evidence, he was apologizing up and down and begged me to come back. I told him no. Had enough. Beyond this cheating and when I thought he was cheating two years ago, he's just a manipulative arsehole. I think I've always known it.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00] But maybe I felt like I couldn't do better. I didn't know. I'm happier now that I left. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. A few days after I left, his mother reached out to me and asked if we could have a call. I wasn't sure how much he shared with her, but I really liked his mom, so I agreed. She essentially told me that we as women sometimes have to put up with our men cheating and it's part of life. She is not condoning what he did and not condoning what his father had done, but that it's part of life.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00] She then went on to tell me that he's a good provider and would provide for me and any children we end up having. But sometimes in return from him being a provider, I need to put up with some stuff I may not like. I told her the conversation was over. For those of you with children, if your significant other is cheating, please don't let your child think this is okay. I believe my ex thought he wasn't really doing anything wrong because of what he saw in his family. I never would have imagined I would have had to set boundaries this way.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00] I had a long talk with my mother and she thinks I did the right thing and would kill my father if he did anything like that. I understand some people have open marriages and that is not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about having a side piece without the other person's consent. I saw a post today on here where a man posted how his wife was Snapchatting her ex. It made me think I should post this update for folks to read. Be strong. The problem isn't you. The problem isn't the person they are cheating with or texting. The problem is them.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00] They don't respect you and they never will. Everyone reading this deserves respect and love. Make sure you have that in your relationships. I do realize I'm stating this from a place of great privilege where I have money and a support system to leave. I understand not everyone has that. If you don't, I want you to know that I see you. You do matter. I appreciate the support and validation I received from my original post. One commenter from there just says, That conversation with his mom made me cringe.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00] Really speaks volumes about how she views herself. Yikes. Opie says, The mom's comments in this is absolutely wild,

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00] but also incredibly sad at the same time saying women have to put up with cheating like it's some kind of wisdom, which it obviously isn't. It's just she's just rationalizing the situation that she feels stuck in, I imagine. And she's almost trying to pass that expectation on to another woman. And for me, that's where it almost like crossed from sad to quite harmful. Because it's one thing to say, I stayed because I felt I had no options. And another to say, You should accept this too.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00] Which of course, glad Opie absolutely didn't accept it. And rightfully so. Because I think it's important to acknowledge that lots of people get stuck in, you know, with financial dependence, kids, cultural pressure, all that kind of stuff. And her mindset, the mom's mindset didn't just come out of nowhere, right? Something shaped that. But treating it as like a cost of being provided for is what keeps all these kind of situations normalized. And that sort of shit needs to be broken.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from Coworker Stories from Mysterious Physics 141. And it says, My coworker walked out of my office mid-sentence after accusing me of being too quiet. And there is some trigger warnings on this story of a hostile workplace, bigotry and physical assault as well.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00] So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and on the timeline below. Thank you. It says, I, 29 female, work with a bunch of men. I'm the only girl at the office, which can be more than frustrating at times. But these people have the social skills of a piece of cheese. There's one coworker in particular, 28 male, who really aggravates me. When I first got hired, he didn't introduce himself for the first two days.

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00] There's only three of us working here at the warehouse all day. And I didn't even know he existed until he came into the office one day to talk to my boss. And even then, he never introduced himself at all. Even though I learned later that he and I would be working together pretty closely. I found that extremely weird, but thought that maybe he was just shy. Time goes on. And the more I get to know him, the more I realized he is genuinely not a nice person at all. He was so rude to the girl I replaced. He made her go on stress leave.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00] And she eventually laid off. He's almost got in multiple fistfights with the truck drivers that come into the warehouses and makes racist comments towards them. I notified HR. He leaves his nasty nicotine pouches around the office, never says hello or good morning when he comes into the office, never asks how anyone is doing, and just completely lacks decorum. The only conversation he ever tries to make is when he is bragging about how much money he has, how much money his friends have, or things he has recently bought

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00] that he thinks will impress people. Whenever you try to give up a piece of information about yourself, he just either completely ignores you or tries to make up a lie to relate to what you are saying. For example, several months ago, I brought up the news headline that Robert Munsch, the beloved children's author, is going on the assisted suicide program in Canada. And he said, my cousin is actually neighbors with Robert Munch, so my family and I are really upset. Like, come on! Another instance, I was talking to my boss about my upcoming music festival trip.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00] The festival is quite large in Canada. A lot of people attend every year, and many people know about it. He interrupts me telling my boss about my plans by saying, my neighbor is actually the owner of PK Sound, and he really wants me to go. I'd have access to all the VIP sections and stuff. I just don't want to go dance in a forest naked. For those who don't know, PK Sound supplies speakers and sound solutions for many different festivals and concerts. Even if that's true, that his neighbor is the owner of PK Sound, how annoying could you possibly be?

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00] To interrupt someone by bragging and telling me that you would never go to something I pay a lot of money for and enjoy going to every year is just rude. Eventually, his behavior got really old and tiring, and I've resorted to only talking to him if I absolutely have to. He comes into the office, and I turn around and get back to work, obviously not wanting to chat. I never say hello or good morning to him, never say goodbye, and never tell him anything about myself. And when I have to talk to him about work stuff, I keep it polite and short.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_00] This morning, he walks into the office to make a coffee without saying anything, and I didn't say anything either. Both of us just sat in silence, and I continued my work. All of a sudden, he says, you're a quiet one, hey? And this just sent me off. I said, what do you want to talk about? And he was like, I don't know. You're so quiet though. And I said, well, if you feel like you want to get to know someone, the first step is to ask them something about themselves. Maybe say hello in the morning once in a while. I tried to chat with you in the beginning, and I didn't get to finish my sentence

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_00] because you guys, you just walked right out. Didn't even hear what I have to say, just walked out mid-sentence, shutting the door behind him. Like, what the hell? What a weenie. Anyways, just thought I'd share the audacity of this man with you guys. I think we all have a person like this in the office, and would love to hear about how everyone handles them. The first commenter says to OP, he got you to talk so he could walk out and shut you down. I'm sure he considers that a loss for you.

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_00] OP says it's hard for me to understand how his brain works. Just so much animosity for no reason. The commenter says, how is he still working there after getting in fist fights? OP quoted their own section about getting into multiple fist fights with the truck drivers, and then says he gets in yelling matches and gets close to fights, but it hasn't actually happened yet. Just a couple of write-ups and talks with a boss and HR. It's hard for people to get fired these days. Another commenter says, he seems to be portraying a lot of small dick or small height energy.

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_00] I'm saying that as a man in my early 30s. I've seen some of these behaviors who have a victim mindset, inferiority complex, and insecurity. I'd raise it up and even bring it to a supervisor and manager if this continues to bother you and hinder your work. Not that I'm assuming you're a bad worker, but for future mental sake. OP replies saying that's fair. Luckily, work-wise, he's manageable to deal with. Our boss keeps him in check for the most part. It used to really bother me the way he acted,

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_00] but now I just view him as a train wreck speeding towards his own demise. No one likes to be around him, and it's only a matter of time before he blows up and gets himself fired. He's on my boss's radar for sure. Commodore says, She took stress leave due to harassment, and then they laid her off and still filled her position. Hopefully, she got a good employment lawyer. This company sounds toxic. OP says, I was waiting for this comment to clarify, but basically, I was hired on as an extra person to begin with.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00] Almost immediately, a few days after I got hired, this guy and the girl who I replaced got into a massive fight, and she went on stress leave. I was trained to do her job, and was doing it for three months while she was on leave. When three months hit, and she renewed for another stretch of leave. They did a massive company-wide layoff, and she was a part of it. After that, I assumed her role. To keep the story shorter, I didn't go into all that, but hopefully that makes more sense. Still pretty shitty to lay off someone that's on stress leave. She did find the different position, but not a better one,

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00] and probably took a pay cut. Commodore says, Welcome to logistics. That's like the description of 80% of the workforce, especially the arguing with truckers. LOL. OP says, I'm in fact a logistics coordinator. Good to know us like this everywhere. And we do have an update in a moment, but those last couple of comments there felt absolutely true as well. Obviously not for all logistics or warehouses and stuff, but everyone that I've been in as well, there's always been a bit of chaos, you know, a little edge to it.

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00] Some wild characters were in there. I knew a guy who, he used to think he was the boss of the warehouse, even though he worked in a different department. And he was a right sleaze as well. We used to have people come in like from the outside, just people to pick up their orders sometimes. And he would walk around and he would insist, especially if it was like women, he would insist that he's the one to greet them. And he would, like in the summer, he would have his top off and he looked all sweaty. He put his arms around him. You just think, oh, these poor people. People reported him and he didn't get sacked because he knew the owner. It took the piss.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] Then I told you about the guy who was stealing pallets from work so he could build a fence at home. Then I had the boss who was rolling under the shutter doors and got caught by our main boss while I was walking around the warehouse. And I've also told you about the temporary workers that we had, and they were sleeping on the brand new sofas that we had in because they were like insurance claims. In the first warehouse I went to, I saw a temporary worker roll the forklift. He was all right though, by the way, he was absolutely fine. He jumped out of it. But he just left after all, just thinking,

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00] what's going through their heads? Guy saw a forklift and thought, I'm going to jump in that and go joyride. I mean, come on, please. I mean, it made life more interesting, but bloody hell. Anyway, one month later, OP came in with their update and says, a while back, I shared a story here about my coworker. It was an actual nightmare. Unfortunately, accidentally deleted the post, but it got a decent amount of traction. And I wanted an update for those who are, remember, because I've got something juicy to add.

[00:17:57] Oh,

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_00] very cheeky. For those who have read, I have the update labeled down at the bottom. So OP did cover parts of the post that they did before. It's just reworded in some way. So I'm not going to cover the whole thing again, but now for the update. It was wage review day the other day. My boss was going around, giving everyone their letter. The entire company was getting a little bit of an increase. We work at a storage container yard, and my boss started to drive down a lane of containers where my shitty coworker was working in the forklift,

[00:18:27] [SPEAKER_00] so that he could give him his letter before he left for the day. Our forklift is a four ton monstrosity. I'm five foot seven, and when I'm standing, my head doesn't reach the part where the driver sits, just for scale. So my boss sees my coworker working and doing his thing, so he repositioned himself in his truck, so he's hugged against the edge of the containers, about 250 feet away from the forklift, waiting for my coworker to spot him. Now, this idiot coworker of mine pulled a container,

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_00] and instead of turning his forklift around and driving it normally to the front of the yard, he just decides to reverse down the entire lane, all 250 foot of it, and doesn't look back the entire time. By the time my bosses realized he wasn't going to stop in time, it was too late and my coworker smoked him. My boss's truck was launched five feet backwards, he has whiplash, and to boot his dog was also in the vehicle, and was absolutely terrified. My shitty coworker then proceeds to fly out of the forklift, and the first thing he says is,

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't see you, I can't turn my head because I have a neck injury. Probably the stupidest thing he could have said. He just, one, admitted that he didn't look behind him the entire time, and two, just admitted to having an injury that legally must be disclosed due to the nature of his job. On top of everything, he's got a doctor's note to be out of work all week because of the crash, and now my boss, who is the one that got launched, is in the forklift working all week. Needless to say, an investigation is being done, and my boss has given his recommendation to have him fired.

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00] He has to go through our safety person and our regional first, but it's looking good for him to be let go. I'm so excited at the prospect of him being fired, so we can get some competent help at the yard, and hopefully, someone with a personality as well. So there was a downvoted commenter accusing OP's boss for being reckless, and should have been fired on the spot for the accident. OP replied saying, we have trucks and customers driving around the yard all the time to view and purchase containers, and to also get loaded for deliveries, not to mention workers walking around.

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_00] He could have easily killed someone. Talking about the employee. To add on to that, my boss was parked pretty much besides the office at the top of the lane. My co-worker was at the back of the lane, 250 feet away, and his plan was to reverse backwards all the way to the front of the yard, where people are fully allowed and have to be, and he did it without looking. Complete incompetence. Commenter says to OP, As an HR manager, I just laugh so hard I'm crying real tears.

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_00] These are the kind of situations we face on a daily basis. The original problem employee should have been fired from the exact moment chewing tobacco, has been not only used but left around the workplace. He probably needed to be immediately drug tested because he appears to have a short attention span, and does not pay attention to details. Then he was allowed behind the wheel of a major vehicle. My goodness, this has so many violations written all over it. Commenter replied saying, Like, It literally took the boss getting hurt for him to wake the fuck up,

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_00] and realize his employee is full of BS. How does anyone not look behind them while reversing any vehicle? OP says, My boss has definitely overlooked way too much to this point. My co-worker should have had three write-ups, and then a letter of termination ages ago. He doesn't even have one write-up now because my manager reports nothing, so fingers crossed this termination even goes through. I'm really, really just trying to get my head around the thought process of reversing a vehicle of that weight and size. Wow,

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00] any vehicle really. It doesn't really matter about the weight and size, but especially in this case, reversing that far without looking backwards at all. That is fucking wild. But how about you guys? Have you got any little cheeky warehouse stories for me? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Speaking of workplace stories, there's another one just popped up.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_00] This one was in the Am I the Asshole subreddit from the user YKIE. He says, Would I be the asshole here if I fire a kid because his mother is harassing me? I, late 20s, run a department in a startup and hired a few student workers, 17 to 21, to conduct classes. He's not great. He shows up late, doesn't prepare, but when addressed, he started to improve a lot. Still, not as good as the others, but he gets the job done. His mom, however,

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00] she knows me through a mutual friend, and she has constantly been emailing me, asking why she doesn't have access to the internal systems of the company, so she can check on his work. Sending me voice notes of her screaming at him after he forgets about meetings. Sending me messages to excuse him from the classes he's supposed to conduct last minute because she didn't finish up her rounds or even when he just forgot. The last incident was when he showed up 25 minutes late, didn't even notify us. He knew I'd be out for the day and proceeded to bill for more time than he was there for.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_00] I wrote on his timesheet that he was overbilling and that he needs to inform us if he wasn't going to make it on time. A voice note followed. Screaming. Mummy dearest saw the note I made, screaming at him. And I just can't anymore. I feel like a complete butthole firing him over his mother, and I know his behavior justifies him being fired, but he's been working really hard on improving, and I can see the difference. To answer all the questions, I've spoken to both of them to cool it down with her behavior. I blocked the mom.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00] She contacts me through his account, so she had access to our systems anyway, which is already an issue. Luckily, I've ensured he has no access to any systems with info on the minors taking the courses. That could have opened a whole can of worms. We hired the students because the model is focused on students teach students. We have kids that go through the program and can lead full classes at the age of 15. It's made for a low-cost community so kids can be taught how to be leaders. I love my job. This changed so many lives and has gotten teens to bloom.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_00] We have a handful of paid instructors for when the interns, the kids paying cents for the programs, can't make it. Legally, I'm good to go. Thus, making this a would-I-be-the-arsehole problem. HR is fully supportive of my decision, as well as the higher-ups. They're actually encouraging it, but gave me the final call. A commenter says, Not the arsehole, but absolutely, document, document, document, everything before firing the kid and be ready for mama to show up and raise hell. Opie says,

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_00] I could write a book with all the documenting I have on her. Possible discount says, Not the arsehole. If the worker isn't performing, fire him. And honestly, it's harsh, but maybe letting him know that his mother is part of the reason he's getting canned might get her to calm the fuck down and shut the hell up because she sounds wacko. My mother stopped interfering in my work affairs when I reached 15, and the only interference she was doing was getting me more clients. They're both out of line. Fire him and make your life easier.

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, We have so many teens working as well with no mummy issues. We have 15-year-olds that are more competent than most adults I've worked with. Legal in my country before anyone asks. This is an after-school job as well, so it doesn't interfere with anyone's schooling. I think I feel for the kid because my dad used to do the same, so I still feel like a complete butthole not holding his hand, but in my heart, I know it's not my job to raise him. So it was a month later that Opie came back in and says I know it didn't get much traction, but here we go.

[00:25:41] [SPEAKER_00] I took the advice and consulted with HR on this as well. So, sad update. He got fired. We took the time and HR spoke to him about his conduct and performance. He admitted to slacking and promised to keep his mom under control. She quickly deleted all the messages on Facebook she sent to me to remove a trace thereof, but the emails remain. He promised to keep everything up to standard and work as hard as possible. The focus was on his quality of work. His mother was mentioned, but just as an afterthought of appropriate work conduct.

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_00] He then proceeded to amaze us for a total of five days before going back into his old habits again and being completely useless and even aggressive towards other team members, making slight mistakes. He even charged four times the amount of time for a quarter of the quality of work the other team members produce. So, his two-week probation ended after nine days. Hope his mom never does this again, but all in all, his work ethic is what got him fired in the end. Absolutely the right call for OP in the end.

[00:26:39] [SPEAKER_00] There were so many reasons to fire this guy, the mom being one and his own work attitude at the same time. I also found it really sad at the same time because this was his opportunity, you know, to get out from his mom's control. I know it's not as easy as just saying it, right? But it was an opportunity for him and I just got a feeling this is a pattern that's going to be repeated time and time again. She's doing him no favors by what she's doing. He's doing himself no favors with his attitude towards work.

[00:27:08] [SPEAKER_00] Pretty rough and sad situation, but what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.