I'm NOT Excited About My Sisters Pregnancy When I Have Custody Of Her First Child

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Squarephone8468 from the AmITheArseAlHere subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_00] Am I the arsehole here for not being excited my sister is having a new baby when I still have custody of her first child? Yes, I'm on a throwaway. I have people I know on my actual account and I really don't talk about this with friends. Hence the third party opinions. My sister Val is an alcoholic. Or was an alcoholic. I don't know the terminology. She's been on and off since she was 18. Her drinking made her a neglectful parent.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00] I won't go into it, but eventually social services stepped in and I ended up fostering my nephew Danny, who was six at the time. When we took custody, Val made almost no effort to see Danny. She misscheduled visits. Even in a brief period she was clean after being sent to rehab. Danny grew very resentful and when she did stick to visits, he would refuse to speak to her, which would drive her into another bender, spiral or relapse.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00] After two years of fostering, my husband and I were given full legal guardianship, which Val voluntarily gave us. Danny is now 11 and Val isn't in his life, which he says is what he wants. Val has been sober for two years and only ever asked how Danny is when she speaks to me. She makes no effort to contact him. I've never really said much to her about it because Danny is a happy kid and I think we're good parents to him.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00] And I don't want Val to start contacting him out of obligation and end up hurting him. She's basically just an uninvolved aunt to him. But earlier this week, Val announced on a family group call that she's pregnant and I couldn't even fake being pleased. My stomach just dropped. She's over there grinning, talking about a nursery while next door to me is the bedroom of the kids she discarded.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00] It's one thing to hold your hands up and say you're not capable of being a mother, but to just decide that you can't be bothered to do the work of repairing the relationship with a child you already have so you just have a new one. I guess I didn't look happy on the video because everyone asked what my issue was. I just said nothing and not to worry because I let the child she didn't want to know about the one she did. Val got really upset and her boyfriend got mad at me and the call ended shortly after. My mom says I owe Val an apology.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00] She asked if I thought she should take Danny back or if I resented having him. To be clear, I couldn't love that boy more if he came out of me. And no, I don't think he should live with Val. My mom's point is, if I think things should stay the way they are, then I shouldn't begrudge Val for still wanting to be a mother to someone. And that considering there's nothing she could do right in this situation, I should find it in my heart to be happy she's healthy and finding happiness.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00] My dad agrees with me that she's making a bad decision having another child, but mainly because he feels she's not stable. Not because of Danny. He says Danny is my son now and I shouldn't see it as him being re-abandoned when he's in the best place for him. I just feel it's so wrong of Val to try and start fresh like she doesn't already have a child out there that she never even tried with. It seems like she just wants everything the easy way. I'm just so angry that she thinks she doesn't have to take responsibility for the hurt she's caused.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00] She can just start the cycle again as if Danny was the first pancake. Am I really the arsehole for not seeing this as a positive thing? Now for me it's not the arsehole and Opie's feelings are making total sense that the sister basically checked out on Danny and now she's excited for a, air quotes, fresh start without fixing the damage she's caused. I think anyone would be upset by that.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00] And there were some comments saying you know Opie was harsh in delivery, but I kind of thought like it was a bit tone deaf to have this announcement out like this anyway. And the mum just seems to be ignoring the past. Your dad is focused on stability, but neither is really addressing Danny's emotional reality really. The commenter says to Opie, not the arsehole. I have a sister like her who now has three kids to three different dads. None are involved. My mother basically raised the kids until she died.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00] Once my mum died, she spiraled and tried to move in with my dad. Is she stable now? I don't understand your mum's point. Why would you take this as thinking your sister needed to take her kid back? My first thought would be worry you end up with a second child to take care of. Opie replied saying, She says she's stable. Who really knows? I don't see her much. To my knowledge, she is sober. I've seen no markers of a relapse, so I'm taking her at her word. Emotionally stable? I don't know if she's ever been that.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00] My mum's point is that I don't want her to take back the son she has. And I'm not happy she's having a baby. So she's like, Do you think she just doesn't deserve to be a mother and be punished the rest of her life? And I get what my mum means. But at the same time, I just don't know how Val sleeps a night. I expected that just because she gets to forget about her kid that I do too. Garden Gnome says, The thing is, What you want is to make her suffer for her shitty choices and the pain she's caused your child. What you want for her is to not have kids because she doesn't get that privilege after what she did to Danny.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00] Just own that. I'm not even going to say you're wrong. I'm a vengeful bitch and I'd feel the same way. So the solution is for you to choose. You either continue to be an absolute bitch to her every chance you get so you can make her suffer. And you probably ruin your relationship with your family in the process. Because she's going to be a sympathetic figure here. And that's going to mean Danny isn't going to be included with the rest of your family too. Or you just keep your mouth shut. I'll probably choose the former and tell my family to either choose the kid she made disposable or her.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00] But you know what's going to happen there. You just have to decide what you can live with. Opie says, Amazing employee says,

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says,

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00] Side point, The fact that people whose kids get taken away slash lost custody are allowed to keep having more will never ever make sense to me. Opie says,

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter says,

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00] Confident reply saying, Does she send Danny cards, letters, gifts on his birthday? Or is it really zero contact? Because if it really is nothing, No birthday gifts or at least cards saying I'm thinking of you. Happy birthday. I'm furious that she thinks she should have another one. There will always be trying times with kids. Some days you feel like they hate you, But you show up and love them anyway. If she can't do that with her first kid, She's not going to do it with her second. Opie says, She sends cards, No gifts, For holidays and birthdays.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00] She used to call for birthdays, But he started refusing to speak to her. And she stopped trying. She doesn't have his phone number, And never gets in contact or asks. And he never asks about her. The commenter says, Has she ever asked though? There's a lot of steps between not talking at all, And forcing him to talk to her. I guarantee if you told him she really wants to reconnect, But only when he feels ready. And asked him what she could do to gain his trust over time, So he'd feel comfortable seeing and talking to her again. He'd have an answer. Could even suggest something like,

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_00] Her sending letters to him regularly first, Or her calling to talk to you, Just about him on a set weekly schedule. To show him she's committed. Kids want to love and connect with their parents. He just doesn't want to get hurt again. This can't be an excuse for her not trying. Hope he responded saying, It's been difficult because he was young back then. He'd cry when she called, Run away from the phone. On the rare occasion she kept a visit, He would hide behind me. So he stopped being there for visits. The social worker said,

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_00] He would sit with his back to her not speaking. The last couple of years, He doesn't like to talk about her at all. He just says she's nobody and not important. He got told by his last therapist, That we just had to accept, That was where he is right now. And not to expect him to, Perform big feelings that he might not consciously have at the moment. I don't know how you regain the trust of a child, When you've repeatedly proven they can't trust you. I'm not one to give him any advice. I wouldn't even trust Val to water my plants. But no, She never asked. She's respecting his space, I guess.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe the fact that he doesn't want to talk to her, Is the green light for her to pretend she's the victim. I don't know. And one more commenter says, You mentioned that your sister is two years sober. How is she in other aspects of life? Does she have a job? A stable relationship? Opie says she has a job. She has a boyfriend, The father of the new child. I don't like the guy. I think he's an emotional vampire, But he's a teacher, So he's gainfully employed. So it was about 10 days after that original post,

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_00] That Opie did come in with their update, And says, Hi, I noticed a lot of people either DM'd me asking for updates, Or put the update me thing in the comments. So I thought I would come and post one. I was really touched by people sharing their personal experiences, In the comments as well. So I just wanted to respect that by providing closure on this, If you would consider this closure. Anyway, On to the update. First, My husband told Danny about the baby. They went out for a boys day on Saturday, And they talked about it. Won't share too much about it, But he took it pretty well,

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00] All things considered. We do think we'll book a few sessions with a therapist for him, But we just want the dust to settle a little bit. Danny opens up easier, And he's had some time to himself to think about things first. So we're going to give him a couple of weeks, But he's doing well for now. Next, I spoke to my mom. A lot of people were quite harsh on her, Which I don't think was deserved. But I did feel like we needed to have a conversation. My mother is the kindest and most forgiving person on the planet, And I love that about her. The same way I saw what Danny went through,

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00] She saw what Val went through with her birth mother. I look at Danny and see a scared little six-year-old. Her mom looks at Val and sees a traumatized teenager. She has a different perspective. She's pretty all's well that ends well in mindset. She always has been. She likes happy endings. In her mind, This is one. But she understands that she came across really flippant about what Danny went through, And she does feel bad about it in hindsight. She adores Danny, So me laying it out for her all over again really affected her.

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_00] And she saw where I was coming from being upset. She did say she still hopes that Val is a better mother to a new baby. At least we can both agree on that. Finally, I spoke to Val. She apologized for not telling me beforehand, But said she felt like she needed the support of having our parents there, Because she was nervous to tell me. And felt like if we were all on call, It might feel a bit more like a normal, Joyful occasion. But she said she knew she should have spoken to me separately. She said she will always regret the things she did while not sober,

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_00] And she doesn't think Danny should ever forgive her. But she always wanted to be a mother. And she finally feels like she will be a good one now. I was listening to all this thinking, I was just going to leave things where they were and stop reaching out. But then she basically said after everything, Don't I want her to be happy? And here's where I have to admit to maybe being a bad person. But viscerally, I wanted to answer no. And I realized the answer is actually no. I don't want Val to be happy. I want her to be sober and healthy, And I guess to have moments of happiness. But when I think of her living a happy life,

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00] I know that isn't what I would choose for her. I know that makes me a bad person. And I'm actually okay with that. People can judge me, I don't care. Because they didn't have to walk into some dingy government building And see a child with bones sticking out of his t-shirt, Scared of every loud noise. And take him home and watch him hide cold fries under his mattress In case there wasn't food to eat tomorrow. They didn't have to teach a six-year-old the alphabet. They didn't have to look at him crying for his mother And figure out how to tell him you don't know where she is. Thinking to yourself how sad it is that she's all he cares about

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_00] When she's somewhere not giving a crap what's happening to him. The worst thing Val ever did, She did to someone I love beyond measure. And it's not for me to decide who deserves to be happy. But I can't say I hope she is. Obviously, I didn't have this clarity during the phone call. But I did have enough to be honest and say My family and I were not in a place where it'd be possible to engage with her anymore. She didn't take this well. And a lot of stuff she's been hanging on to came up. Like how I should have tried harder to get Danny to talk to her. How she felt I wasn't present enough when she had Danny.

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00] All stuff from years ago. She called me spiteful. Her boyfriend later sent me a message saying the same. But it had to be done. I don't want to be in this toxic cycle of actively wishing someone doesn't have the life they want And keeping them in my life just to stir this up every few weeks. There's too much bad energy being put out there. I ended up blocking both Val and her boyfriend. I let my parents know we'll have to do separate holidays and functions from now on. And they were very understanding. I'm happy to give Val priority on stuff with her dad's side of the family.

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_00] And she can do the same with my mums and that's that. My parents also promised not to give updates unless asked. To either side. I'm not really sure if I'd say this is a happy update. But I think the positive I can take from this is it's made me very grateful for the family I have. And I'm just going to focus on being the best mother and wife to them that I can be. Thank you again to everyone who commented. If I've left anything out feel free to let me know. Ice Blue asks, Is she a stepsister or half-sister? I got confused by the parent situation. Opie replied saying,

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_00] She's my stepsister. Her dad is my stepdad. But I call him dad because he was the dad who raised me. Pride replies saying, She was adopted and was herself in a similar situation as she created with Dani. Opie's parents adopted her. Opie says they didn't. My stepdad is her biological father. She lived mostly with her mom until she developed serious behavioral issues. It became clear that her mother was not a safe person to have custody. And she came to live with us full time. The commenter says, Here's what I'm wondering. You said no baby.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_00] But what I'm wondering is will Dani see this as like you keeping him from his brother? I mean he's already got abandonment issues. I just think the fact that the baby is related is just another wrench in the works. Another thing to think about. Dani doesn't want any contact with Val or her baby. He considers my daughter his sister and us his parents. If that ever changes then we'll work out a plan. But it's not on the table at the moment. Environmental says, Is the boyfriend an ex-addict too? If so I figure there's an 80% chance that by the time this child is 6 years old.

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_00] He'll have custody of it too. If he's not. I put those odds at a mere 50-50. Opie says no he's not. He's a crusader with a savior complex. But he's a high school teacher. No history of substance abuse as far as we know. Environmental replies saying, Ah so Captain Savajo? Savajo? Oh dear. Yeah he sounds like the type to take custody when slash if your sister falls off the wagon again. Judged by her inability to take any accountability whatsoever for her past. And even blaming you for how some things went.

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah that is a very rickety wagon on a bumpy road. Opie says, Thing is, I don't think he'd leave her even if she relapsed. He's so obsessed with the idea of her being a successful project. He'll sync with her just to prove how much of a martyr he is. I assume he'd be stable enough to keep the kid with him if Val was drunk all the time. But I really don't think he'll leave. Zach says, Just curious what would happen if she relapsed. Are you going to adopt the new kid? Is your house an orphanage for your sister's kids? Opie says, We're not taking any more kids.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_00] Two kids in the house is a hard limit. Opie replies to a longer comment and says, No. We got him when he was six. He's 11 now. But your points are still correct. She did a lot of damage over a long period of time. And then decided she'll just start again. And Opie replies to a downvoted commenter saying, I'm not sure how not normal it is when you know your sister is a child abuser. I don't want to fix how I feel about her. I want her out of my life.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00] If I feel like even after having some distance from this situation, I'm still spending energy thinking about her. I'll seek out some help to let go of it. Not because I think I owe her good wishes. Danny doesn't want any contact with her. And we're respecting that. If he does ever change his mind, I don't know what we will do because she's ambivalent about contact with him apparently. But we'll help him work through how he wants to approach it. But for now, he has no interest in a relationship with Val. As I always say, stories with kids always get to me. And I mean, Danny, what,

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_00] he's 11 and he's already learned what it feels like not to be chosen, not to be shown up for, and to have to shut down those feelings just to protect himself, which is absolutely brutal. And now there's another baby on the way. And even if he says he doesn't care, I kind of feel like that's the kind of thing that can sit quietly in the back of your mind, questioning stuff like, why them and not me? What did I do wrong? Even if he never ever says out loud. But the fact that OP is thinking about those kind of things and protecting his space,

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00] not forcing contact and actually centering his emotions and his safety says everything. And regardless of what the sister is doing in this situation, Danny has someone who chose him and keeps choosing him. And that's what matters. So good for OP and for him in the end. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the relationships subreddit from She Wants My Husband and says a close friend,

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_00] female 25, said she wants to seduce a married man. He turns out to be my female 25 husband, male 31. They have a history I didn't know about. What are my options? I was at a dinner outing with friends. My friend Mary is very attractive and kept getting hit on. She usually can have any man she wants. She shows a lot of cleavage and has big breasts. This is nothing new for her, but we're all kind of jealous of her. I met her after I married my husband through a sister who I knew in college.

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_00] This is not a small town by any means. We live in a big city with a population in the millions, but I guess it's a small world after all. My husband who also attended the same college and we met through friends there. So it's not shocking that he knows Mary. Mary and I are kind of close friends now. So we had drinks and Mary was pretty drunk. So were the rest of us, I suppose. All these hot guys kept hitting on her all night. So when Mary shrugged it off and said it's just a cleavage tonight, but she was being modest.

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_00] She gets hit on when she's all covered up too. Anyway, her breasts became a topic and one of the girls asked Mary if she ever let anybody shitty fuck her. Oh dear. She says she loves her breasts and although she was saving that for her eventual husband, she did let one guy do this to her because she was way, way too into him. We asked her what happened and she said she proceeded to give us details. It was a crazy sexual experimentation and weekend hotel rooms, but she said he's married now and he wants nothing to do with her.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00] She said she would have married him in a heartbeat, but he would not commit to her. Then she added that she has made advances, but he doesn't bite. We all started teasing her about going after a married guy, but we were all drunk so it wasn't over the top and we didn't lecture her. She also said that judging by her interactions with him sometimes, she thinks he's going to cave and take her to a hotel again and fuck her brains out. She was serious about this. One of the other girls got really quiet and kept staring at me.

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00] Later she told me Mary was talking about my husband. I was livid, but she wouldn't let me betray her trust and confront Mary. I asked her to call Mary on speaker and ask her. She asked her in a joking way what possessed her to talk about wanting to F my husband when I was sitting right there. Mary laughed and said it was the alcohol. I asked my husband about Mary and he said they had a short fling that didn't last, but Mary described this as having gone on for over two years. I didn't know my husband in that time frame and he didn't know I was friends with Mary's sister

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_00] until shortly after the wedding when I invited her to a pre-wedding dinner. I didn't meet Mary until around the same time. I asked him if Mary has ever made advances or flirted and he flat out denied any of this. He said she keeps a respectful distance. Now I'm angry that my husband didn't tell me he slept with Mary right after when I met her. But truthfully, I would have been angry anyway because I'm kind of jealous of her. I also don't know why she says it went on for so long and he described it as brief, like over a few weeks.

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00] Mary insisted that night that she flirts with him and has practically thrown herself at him and that he hasn't bitten. She also said she thinks it's a matter of time. I didn't ask for details because we're all drunk and I didn't know she was referring to my husband. I'm not sure how to handle this because my husband insists he doesn't know what she's talking about. Now two of my friends know and they're telling me it was all drunk talk and Mary was just talking out of her ass. That I should just believe my husband and leave it alone. Mary comes to my house for gatherings all the time because we are actually close friends now.

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_00] She also runs into my husband at the gym often because they both work out as similar schedules. I'm not sure how much to ask of my husband. Can I ask him to change gyms? Why is there such a disconnect between what she remembers and what he described? This is driving me crazy to another level. Should I have a sit down with her and ask her what's all happened? So the first user quotes OP saying now two of my friends know and they're telling me it was all drunk talk and Mary was just talking out of her ass and that I should just believe my husband and leave it alone.

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_00] Then says fuck no, you don't leave this alone. You confront Mary, tell her she was out of line and she isn't welcome in your home. Either ever again or for a while. Your choice. She should be considered armed and dangerous in terms of being a threat to your relationship. Not because your husband will cave as I don't think he will but just because of the way she admits to throwing herself at him and admitted to your face that she wants to have an affair with your husband. You can't tolerate that. You need to kick her out of your and your husband's lives.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_00] The only thing I do agree that you should let go is the idea that your husband is going to give in to her any day now. I do think she was talking out of her ass on that one and you have nothing to worry about. The truth was when she said she has made advances but he doesn't bite. The drunken exaggeration to boost her own self-esteem was when she said it's a matter of time. I don't think you need to worry about your husband, only about her. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Hope you replied saying

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_00] I asked Mary's sister and she said that it lasted about two years or longer between Mary and my husband. She said she only met him a couple of times and didn't remember him although he looked familiar when she finally met him through me. My husband told me it was a brief fling. Not sure what to think about this. Shadow's reply saying Also keep on mind it was college. This two year time period could have been random drunken hookups when they were both in the same place at the same time that he didn't think much of. To Mary she probably cherished those moments.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_00] From my college experiences I feel like I've seen and had friends on both sides of these types of relationships before. I say believe your husband absolutely. Hope he says Well she was in college. He was long graduated but still had alumni functions and stuff for networking and that's how he met her. That's how I met him as well. Commodore says Your husband was trying to downplay this fling in terms of time spent with her. He might have done that to spare your feelings not knowing you already know the details. However it's unsettling that now

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_00] you can't 100% believe his claims that Mary is respectful and distant to him. However Mary was also bragging so she could easily be exaggerating on making shit up. She was almost certainly enjoying talking to you about this with you being none the wiser. Maybe what she sees in your husband now is really just all in her head. I'd say go back to your husband. Tell him you know it was two years and that he needs to lay all his cards on the table for you now so you can keep your trust alive. And Mary has to go. She's obviously not a good friend. Opie says Mary has to go

[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_00] but I would like him to tell me the truth. But I have to say that if half or even a quarter of what she says is true in terms of the history pretty disturbing it was intense between them and it kind of drives me crazy. I'm not out of my mind jealous over this and angry at him for no reason. So it was a week later that Opie came in with her update and said let me begin by saying a few things about my husband. He's very good looking and gets a lot of attention. It's not just me saying it because he's my husband. He does stick out for his looks. The other thing is that he's an idiot

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_00] and doesn't know when he's being hit on and he gets hit on a lot. I also have a problem with jealousy because I'm insecure. Sometimes I get mad at him because he gets too much attention from women and he never has any idea why I'm mad at him. It drives me nuts because he never changes things up. He gets coffee at the same place. If he wants a burger, same place. If he wants a bagel, same place. Salad, same place. I understand some of the things like haircuts but he never goes to a variety of places unless I practically force him to. The problem is that if there happens to be girls behind the counter

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_00] they get the wrong idea that he's there to see them and he had girls give him their email or number even though he wears a wedding band. The other day I walked into a coffee shop with him and the girl said hi honey boo to him. Then she complained he'd not been there in three weeks. He's not like a model but we live in a big city where a lot of modeling agencies are headquartered and he looks better than models. I think and many women agree. He has the prettiest eyes and he's fit but he doesn't know how to do his hair and looks like a nerd most of the time but it works for his career and it works for me.

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_00] He's also too nice and women take this the wrong way. I'm working on getting him to be more of an arsehole to people. Joking. Just want him to be less nice without being a jerk. Now to the issue at hand. I asked him about the discrepancy and timeline between him and Mary. He admitted that it lasted months and probably more than a year but he remembers it all going by so quickly but he never thinks about it. So when I asked him about it he didn't think it was important. He doesn't see his time with her as emotionally significant.

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_00] He also says he runs into her at the gym a lot but that he doesn't talk to her. Sometimes she walks up and will point out that some slur is checking him out. She calls all women that looks his direction slurs. I asked him if he would change gyms and the look on his face was worrisome. I don't think he wants to but he said he would if I really want him to. I'm afraid my jealousy is going to push him too far. I confronted Mary and she apologized and said that she still has feelings for him. She shocked me by telling me we shouldn't be friends

[00:27:25] [SPEAKER_00] and she wants to stay away from me and my husband because she'll never get over him as long as we're in her life. She actually requested a transfer to the East Coast and was granted her to work. She'd be gone for three years. She's pretty friendly and she was respectful. She's not leaving until late January. Just one problem with my conversation with Mary. I asked her for some details and this was a mistake. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes. She met him because he was involved with a friend of hers. This girl was a stripper in a very upscale place

[00:27:54] [SPEAKER_00] that's known around here. The stripper brought in Mary for a threesome with my husband. This became a regular practice until Mary developed feelings for him and stole him away from stripper girl. The details about the sex stuff was worse than I thought. Sigh. I also could tell Mary was getting satisfaction out of telling me all the details. I could tell she knew she had this over me. I was like a willing hostage because I didn't walk away from this conversation and she knew this so she took full advantage under the guise of honesty. This made me feel worse and more inadequate.

[00:28:24] [SPEAKER_00] I always thought we had a great sex life but now I think it's only great for me all this time. I asked my husband about all the sex stuff and he confirmed. I was annoyed and asked him why he never told me about this stuff and why he never told me about his history with Mary. He said he was afraid of telling me about Mary. He didn't think I'd take it well. He also said if Mary had been inappropriate with him he would have immediately sat me down and told me but I'm afraid he doesn't know what inappropriate is. I also asked him why he never told me he was into all that stuff. The sex stuff he did with Mary.

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_00] I told him that I felt sex with me was boring for him. He said he thinks sex is great with me. When he talked about what Mary said about the things they did with a stripper and later alone with Mary. He said that he never set out to do any of that. He said it was stuff that happened as opposed to stuff he went out to do. Not sure what the difference is and it's not much consolation right now. My other friends didn't know and don't know. Two of my friends know about Mary and my husband. The one who gave me the heads up and Mary's sister. Mary's sister is married now too so she kind of takes my side though.

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_00] She loves her sister and is best friends with her. Why Tiger says so why did you even need to confront Mary in the first place? Still not quite sure. You opened a Pandora's box and Mary even gave you the chance to cut bait. Why didn't you take it? Maybe he says I couldn't help it. Commodore says keep talking. Get all of this out in the open with your husband. He obviously loves you. He can give out any woman he wants and deep down he knows it. He chose you. He chose you. Get him to talk about sex and your sex life. Hold stronger bonds with him.

[00:29:52] [SPEAKER_00] Being honest about everything and get him to be honest with you about everything. Get to the point where your emotional intimacy will overcome your insecurities and make both your lives even more fulfilling. Talk it out. Commenter replies saying maybe he doesn't want to talk about his sexual past. He should not be forced to do so. I hope he says I don't think he likes talking about his sexual past. It makes him uncomfortable. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories,

[00:30:22] [SPEAKER_00] your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.