My Family Just Discovered I'm Planning To Marry My Brothers Ex-Wife r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:18] Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a lovely picture from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit. It says,

[00:00:26] Am I The Arsehole Here for marrying my brother's ex-wife and considering adopting his child after he abandoned both of them?

[00:00:36] I, 28 male, have been dating my brother's ex-wife, 30 females, for the past three years. My brother married his ex-wife eight years ago. After she got pregnant, he didn't want the child and forced her to abort.

[00:00:49] She didn't want to so he just divorced her in just one year and gave up all his rights.

[00:00:53] My then sister-in-law was devastated. She was a single mother. My brother does pay alimony and child support and we are all childhood friends and lived in the same neighborhood. I don't know what she saw in him that she married him so early. My brother is a piece of shit. He bullied me as well. He's a golden child after all.

[00:01:14] So, I supported my sister-in-law and friend throughout her pregnancy and helped my nephew as well. He never saw his father cause piece of shit never met him.

[00:01:24] So, three years ago, we started dating. We never told any of our family members and I moved in with her. We avoided telling anyone to not create any problem.

[00:01:34] So, a week ago, my brother came at his ex's place and he was shocked to see me and asked me what I'm doing here. And we had no choice but to tell him the truth. He was very mad at me. He hit me and screaming at me, how could I do this to him?

[00:01:49] After a bit of a fight, he said he came here to reconnect with his ex and become a part of his child's life. And he didn't know that I was a scumbag enough to do this to him.

[00:01:59] My now girlfriend threatened him to leave and she doesn't want anything to do with him. He screamed at both of us and called us lovely names.

[00:02:07] In the end, we both threatened to call the cops if he doesn't leave so he finally left.

[00:02:13] Now, all my family members, mum, dad, grandparents are saying that I shouldn't have such a relationship with my brother's ex and I'm scum and that they are ashamed of me.

[00:02:24] I should break up with her so my brother can be with his wife and child and I'm an obstacle.

[00:02:28] I said to them that we were gonna tell them soon and planning to get married this year or early in 25.

[00:02:35] And they called me names and threatened to cut contact and won't attend the wedding.

[00:02:39] My girlfriend is saying to not mind them and we'll get married even if it's just the two of us and to report my brother for what he did.

[00:02:47] So, am I the arsehole for doing this?

[00:02:50] In the comments, DevotedRed says not the arsehole and there's no reason to wait until they cut you off.

[00:02:56] Go no contact with him now.

[00:02:57] You already know you can't trust them with the most important aspects of your life so they're not worth any effort or consideration.

[00:03:05] Opie says, I just thought I'd be able to keep my relationship with my family.

[00:03:09] That's why I didn't go no contact or reported my brother.

[00:03:13] Global Facts says not the arsehole here.

[00:03:15] Do what you want in that regard but in order to adopt the child, your brother will have to legally sign away his parental rights.

[00:03:23] Opie says, he did it years ago.

[00:03:25] You probably hoped he'd be able to avoid child support.

[00:03:28] He couldn't.

[00:03:29] He pays alimony and child support but is mad at me for doing what I did.

[00:03:33] No thanks 9802 says,

[00:03:36] So, you help and support the woman and child your brother abandoned but you're the scum.

[00:03:42] Yeah, it's time to go low contact or no contact with every family member that thinks this.

[00:03:48] Also, what the fuck is your brother thinking?

[00:03:50] Coming back after all this time, ignoring his responsibilities and having his fun, I think things are just going to go back to the same.

[00:03:58] Yeah, you can tell he was the golden child and can do no wrong.

[00:04:02] Not the arsehole.

[00:04:04] Opie says, no, I'm not a scum for helping her and her kid.

[00:04:07] They knew about it.

[00:04:08] I'm a scumbag because I'm in a relationship with her and adopting her kid which I shouldn't have done in their words.

[00:04:14] She is not just my brother's ex.

[00:04:16] He's also my childhood friend and I fell for her.

[00:04:19] And we did what we did.

[00:04:21] And now they are angry at us now.

[00:04:24] Seaguy203 says,

[00:04:26] You mentioned your brother was the golden child.

[00:04:28] So, that should have been a clear indication already that your family wouldn't have your back whatsoever.

[00:04:33] Please report your brother and make sure your nephew isn't anywhere near him.

[00:04:38] Opie says, well, yeah.

[00:04:39] But I was just hoping that there would be a way for us to maintain a relation of son and grandson.

[00:04:44] Even if he was golden child.

[00:04:46] They shouldn't break their relationship with their son and grandson.

[00:04:49] That's what I believe at least.

[00:04:51] If there's no way to get this, I'll just cut them off myself.

[00:04:55] No thanks reply saying, it's a bummer that your family thinks that.

[00:04:58] They don't have their priorities straight.

[00:05:00] They are in fact the assholes.

[00:05:02] I would listen to your girlfriend and continue with what you are doing and get married.

[00:05:06] Even if it's only you, her and your son.

[00:05:08] I wish all three of you the best.

[00:05:12] Opie says, oh yeah, we're getting married no matter what.

[00:05:15] I was just trying to save my relationship with my parents, that's all.

[00:05:19] But Crown and Anchor says,

[00:05:20] if you were assaulted, press charges.

[00:05:23] As for your family,

[00:05:25] you had to know they were going to disown you over this decision.

[00:05:28] So just move on without them.

[00:05:30] Beyond that, have your girlfriend's lawyer send your brother a letter explaining that

[00:05:34] he gave up his parental rights and that he has no legal right to be in his child's life.

[00:05:38] He'll probably petition the courts to end child support and alimony.

[00:05:42] So just be prepared for that.

[00:05:44] Opie says, oh, I should have mentioned this.

[00:05:46] Where I'm from and the laws I know about after consulting.

[00:05:49] If I marry her, he won't need to pay alimony and child support if I adopt my nephew.

[00:05:54] So my girlfriend came up with a devious plan that would hold on to adopting

[00:05:57] and make him pay child support and other necessary funds which is required in future

[00:06:02] and fight for it for what he did to her and what he did to me.

[00:06:06] But I think of just letting it all go when we cut them all off.

[00:06:09] If there's no other way and move on with our life.

[00:06:12] Roadkill for Snack says,

[00:06:13] did your brother change his mind or

[00:06:15] what has your parents been trying to persuade him to reconnect with his son?

[00:06:18] Opie says,

[00:06:19] I don't know anything about this.

[00:06:20] He just showed up at my girlfriend's place.

[00:06:22] Was shocked to see me and beat me and left after screaming.

[00:06:26] And we are discussing what we should do next.

[00:06:28] Which is why I'm here asking for an opinion.

[00:06:30] Take okay, he says,

[00:06:31] not the arsehole and cut your whole family out.

[00:06:34] Adopt the child and make sure to tell him the truth when he's older.

[00:06:37] Opie says,

[00:06:38] I was just hoping that I might be able to

[00:06:40] retain at least some kind of relationship with my parents.

[00:06:43] That's why I didn't block and try to talk to them all the time

[00:06:46] and tell them what I feel.

[00:06:48] If it doesn't work,

[00:06:49] I just cut them off because I would have no other choice.

[00:06:53] Do I think it was a good idea to get with your,

[00:06:55] with your brother's ex to begin with?

[00:06:58] No, it just sounds like it's a setup for an incredibly messy situation.

[00:07:02] But like I always say,

[00:07:04] relationships and stuff are very complicated,

[00:07:08] very difficult.

[00:07:08] I'm reading a very small part of someone's life.

[00:07:11] This guy decided to walk out and abandon his kid,

[00:07:14] abandon his wife just like that.

[00:07:16] So for you to step in and be supportive and build a relationship with this person,

[00:07:21] can I be mad at that as well?

[00:07:22] No, I don't think I can.

[00:07:23] I can't be mad at that at the same time.

[00:07:26] But I think it was always going to create a messy situation down the road

[00:07:30] with your family or someone who's going to see it in a certain way.

[00:07:34] I think you always have to have in your mind that this is going to create a no contact situation

[00:07:38] or a low contact situation.

[00:07:40] I don't think everyone was always going to accept it,

[00:07:43] especially when we're talking about golden children and all that kind of thing.

[00:07:47] Messy, messy, messy.

[00:07:48] But OP did come in with an update,

[00:07:52] which said,

[00:07:52] First off, thanks to all the majority of people for their support and kind opinions.

[00:07:57] There are also some who are threatening me saying if it were them,

[00:08:01] I'd be two feet under,

[00:08:02] while there are some people I shouldn't mess with.

[00:08:05] Or I shouldn't put my hands on someone's wife or blood.

[00:08:09] Bro, he did that himself.

[00:08:12] He abandoned both of them,

[00:08:13] and before she's my brother's ex-wife,

[00:08:15] she's my best friend.

[00:08:17] Coming back to the update,

[00:08:19] there's nothing much to say.

[00:08:21] Yesterday, we sat down and called my family and talked to clear things up.

[00:08:25] It was my girlfriend who talked to them,

[00:08:27] and she said,

[00:08:28] Even if we both don't get married,

[00:08:30] there is no chance that she will be with him

[00:08:32] or allow him to meet her kid no matter what.

[00:08:35] And it isn't up to him to decide for her

[00:08:37] what she can and she can't do.

[00:08:40] My family and brother all started convincing her

[00:08:42] to give my brother a chance

[00:08:43] and to be a dad and husband.

[00:08:45] And after a lot of yapping,

[00:08:47] my wife said no.

[00:08:48] She already found another man,

[00:08:50] and there isn't much he can do to stop her.

[00:08:53] Then my brother started threatening me

[00:08:55] because he knew I was listening.

[00:08:57] I didn't even say much.

[00:08:58] He said,

[00:08:59] I went too far

[00:09:00] and said nasty things.

[00:09:02] My wife cut him off

[00:09:03] and said never contact any of us.

[00:09:05] So now we have decided

[00:09:07] that we are going to file a complaint in the morning

[00:09:09] and move somewhere else,

[00:09:10] near her parents

[00:09:11] or at her parents.

[00:09:12] If I marry her,

[00:09:14] he won't need to pay alimony,

[00:09:15] but he will be required to pay child support

[00:09:17] unless I adopt him.

[00:09:19] So we decided to forget about money

[00:09:21] and going with marriage and adoption.

[00:09:23] We don't care about vengeance or money.

[00:09:26] We just want to live our life in peace

[00:09:27] and without any drama.

[00:09:29] And I'll never talk to my family

[00:09:31] or have any contact with them,

[00:09:32] even if I or any of them die

[00:09:35] because fuck them.

[00:09:37] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:09:40] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:44] Let us know your thoughts down

[00:09:45] in the comments below

[00:09:47] and let's move on to another story

[00:09:50] which comes from the

[00:09:51] true off my chest subreddit

[00:09:53] from positive pie 8562

[00:09:55] and says getting engaged

[00:09:57] has ruined my relationship.

[00:10:00] My partner and I have been together

[00:10:02] for nearly six years.

[00:10:04] He's honestly been the most amazing,

[00:10:06] wonderful and supportive person in my life.

[00:10:09] He doesn't just make me happier.

[00:10:11] He makes me healthier.

[00:10:13] He's been absolutely fantastic

[00:10:15] in every way imaginable.

[00:10:17] About two years ago,

[00:10:19] we had the big marriage talk.

[00:10:21] We were both honest about what we wanted.

[00:10:23] He admitted that getting married

[00:10:25] made him so nervous.

[00:10:27] He has literally never seen a successful marriage.

[00:10:30] Every marriage he's ever witnessed

[00:10:31] has either ended in disastrous divorce

[00:10:33] or very sad premature death.

[00:10:36] I said I would stay with him whatever he chose

[00:10:38] but there are some things I wouldn't do

[00:10:40] unless we were married.

[00:10:42] Just as he's seen too many marriages fail,

[00:10:45] I've seen too many loved ones

[00:10:46] abandoned by men once kids come along

[00:10:48] or when he finds a better option.

[00:10:51] In other words,

[00:10:52] as long as we weren't married,

[00:10:53] no kids and our finances remain

[00:10:55] strictly untangled from each other.

[00:10:57] He proposed to me a few months after that

[00:11:00] and since then,

[00:11:01] he's turned into an absolute nightmare.

[00:11:05] First, he refuses to do anything wedding related

[00:11:07] but accuses me of taking over

[00:11:10] and being a bridezilla

[00:11:11] when I make decisions without him.

[00:11:13] He does things behind my back

[00:11:14] like inviting our friend,

[00:11:16] who has four kids,

[00:11:17] to bring the children

[00:11:18] when we agreed the only exception

[00:11:19] to the no kids rule

[00:11:21] would be my niece

[00:11:22] who will be three months old

[00:11:24] and for obvious reasons,

[00:11:25] can't be separated from my sister

[00:11:27] for the weekend.

[00:11:28] I can swallow that frustration

[00:11:30] but he's also become hypercritical.

[00:11:33] Any mess around the house,

[00:11:35] even if he made it,

[00:11:36] if I haven't cleaned it up

[00:11:37] by the time he gets home,

[00:11:38] he refuses to talk to me.

[00:11:40] I work from home

[00:11:41] so I usually do a lot of the chores

[00:11:43] like the dishwasher in my lunch break

[00:11:44] but sometimes I don't have time.

[00:11:47] This is a busy time of year

[00:11:48] and while my job is usually constrained

[00:11:50] to the nine to five,

[00:11:52] in the last few weeks,

[00:11:53] I've had to work until eight or nine.

[00:11:55] When he stormed in last night

[00:11:57] angry that he had to clean the kitchen

[00:11:59] and I pointed out

[00:12:00] I've been working for 12 hours straight,

[00:12:02] he looked me in the eyes and said,

[00:12:04] so?

[00:12:05] He's threatened to throw me out the house

[00:12:08] and call off the engagement four times.

[00:12:10] He stopped initiating sex.

[00:12:13] I've come to dread the sound

[00:12:14] of the door unlocking

[00:12:15] because he can't go five minutes

[00:12:17] without finding a problem

[00:12:18] to have with me.

[00:12:19] It's so bad that my mother,

[00:12:21] who was ready to adopt him a year ago,

[00:12:23] is refusing to be the witness

[00:12:25] that signs our marriage certificate.

[00:12:27] I've asked to call off the wedding,

[00:12:29] go back to being just girlfriend and boyfriend,

[00:12:32] but he says he really does want to get married

[00:12:34] and he's just doing all of this

[00:12:36] to make sure he's making the right choice.

[00:12:39] Increasingly though,

[00:12:40] all he's done is convince me

[00:12:42] I'm making the wrong one.

[00:12:44] Edit to add,

[00:12:45] if it wasn't clear.

[00:12:47] I'd already decided not to marry him

[00:12:49] when I made this post.

[00:12:50] I'm packing up

[00:12:51] and going to my mom's for now.

[00:12:53] I'm safe

[00:12:54] and don't need anyone to call the cops.

[00:12:56] Thanks to the person who offered though.

[00:12:59] We've seen this many times in stories

[00:13:01] when we go from like boyfriend,

[00:13:03] girlfriend,

[00:13:05] to engagement or marriage,

[00:13:07] how the behavior can change.

[00:13:09] And for me,

[00:13:10] and I know it always sounds harsh

[00:13:12] when I say this kind of thing.

[00:13:14] I'm glad it's happened now

[00:13:15] than before they've actually

[00:13:17] got tied together by marriage.

[00:13:19] And I'm not suggesting OP to do this,

[00:13:22] but I always want to know

[00:13:23] what's going through that person's mind.

[00:13:26] Why do they think

[00:13:27] what they're doing is a good idea?

[00:13:29] What is their end game in this situation?

[00:13:32] I mean, it doesn't matter for OP now.

[00:13:34] It sounds like they're out of there.

[00:13:35] They've checked out.

[00:13:36] This is done.

[00:13:37] But shame the devil says he's abusive.

[00:13:40] He was always going to be abusive

[00:13:42] once he felt he'd locked you down.

[00:13:44] This is who he is.

[00:13:46] You can't stay with him

[00:13:47] because of who he used to be

[00:13:49] because he isn't that person anymore.

[00:13:51] He will likely never be that person again.

[00:13:54] OP says it's really hard to believe

[00:13:56] he was trying to lock me down.

[00:13:58] If anything,

[00:13:59] I had to kind of convince him to propose.

[00:14:01] But yeah,

[00:14:01] I'm not planning to marry this man anymore.

[00:14:04] Another commenter says,

[00:14:05] wow,

[00:14:06] it's just like he's punishing you

[00:14:07] for putting him in a position to marry you

[00:14:09] because otherwise

[00:14:10] he wouldn't get certain things he wants.

[00:14:13] If not consciously,

[00:14:14] then subconsciously,

[00:14:15] he really doesn't want to be with you long term

[00:14:17] and the purpose of his behavior

[00:14:19] is to make you leave him.

[00:14:21] I wonder how it is possible

[00:14:22] that he was perfect

[00:14:23] for a whole six years.

[00:14:25] There's just no way he was.

[00:14:28] OP says,

[00:14:28] I mean,

[00:14:29] no one is perfect,

[00:14:30] perfect,

[00:14:31] but he was really someone

[00:14:32] I wanted to spend my life with.

[00:14:34] He used to make me feel so safe and warm.

[00:14:37] He used to do things like

[00:14:38] when we stayed in hotels,

[00:14:39] he'd always take the side of the bed

[00:14:41] nearest the door

[00:14:42] and he'd come with me

[00:14:43] on my old morning commute

[00:14:45] because he knew I didn't like taking trains,

[00:14:47] even though I added 30 minutes to his commute.

[00:14:50] He makes me laugh like no tomorrow.

[00:14:52] He once sent me to the doctors

[00:14:54] after I laughed so hard

[00:14:55] I pulled a muscle.

[00:14:56] He's smart

[00:14:57] and really quick-witted.

[00:14:59] I never laughed like I do with him.

[00:15:01] He'd do little things

[00:15:02] like coming home with a teddy bear

[00:15:03] just because it reminded him

[00:15:05] of the teddy my grandpa gave my mom

[00:15:07] when she was a kid

[00:15:08] that he once saw in a photo

[00:15:10] and he'd do big things

[00:15:11] like months painstakingly

[00:15:13] teaching me how to drive.

[00:15:14] And it was painful.

[00:15:16] Or driving eight hours

[00:15:17] across the country

[00:15:18] and spending three days

[00:15:19] in quarantine

[00:15:20] just to see me at Christmas

[00:15:21] when I had to temporarily move in

[00:15:23] with my grandpa during COVID.

[00:15:25] But I changed meds

[00:15:26] and gained alarming amount of weight.

[00:15:28] He woke up an hour

[00:15:29] before he needed to

[00:15:30] and worked out with me

[00:15:31] every morning for a year.

[00:15:33] I always struggled

[00:15:34] with a cold shoulder

[00:15:36] during arguments

[00:15:37] which he always told me

[00:15:38] was him calling off

[00:15:39] so the argument didn't escalate.

[00:15:41] But we had so few

[00:15:42] and they'd last maybe

[00:15:43] a couple of hours.

[00:15:45] Lately he can go three days

[00:15:46] only saying a single word

[00:15:48] responses to me.

[00:15:50] Calligrapher away says

[00:15:51] do you think he wants to marry

[00:15:52] because you said

[00:15:53] you won't combine finances

[00:15:54] until then?

[00:15:55] I hope he says

[00:15:56] I don't think so.

[00:15:57] I've thought a lot about that.

[00:15:59] At the time he proposed

[00:16:00] we knew his grandma

[00:16:01] was going to pass away soon.

[00:16:03] We were renting the house

[00:16:04] next door to her

[00:16:05] and while we knew

[00:16:06] he'd inherit the house

[00:16:07] we were living in

[00:16:08] the two houses

[00:16:09] had slowly merged gardens

[00:16:11] in the 10 years

[00:16:12] he and his grandma

[00:16:13] had been living next to each other.

[00:16:15] The two houses

[00:16:16] had been in the family

[00:16:16] since the 30s

[00:16:17] so he was quite keen

[00:16:18] on buying next door

[00:16:19] to both avoid losing it

[00:16:21] the family member

[00:16:22] who inherited it

[00:16:22] couldn't afford to keep it

[00:16:24] but also because

[00:16:24] having a stranger live there

[00:16:26] would have been

[00:16:26] a huge privacy issue

[00:16:27] for both houses.

[00:16:29] I'd hope to rent it

[00:16:30] to a friend

[00:16:30] or another family member.

[00:16:31] He does earn a lot more

[00:16:33] than me

[00:16:33] but he's self-employed

[00:16:35] so the banks

[00:16:35] are quite wary

[00:16:36] of loaning to him.

[00:16:37] I work in a university

[00:16:39] which the banks consider

[00:16:40] a safe professional job

[00:16:41] so getting credit

[00:16:42] and loans

[00:16:43] would have been much easier

[00:16:44] if he'd been married to me.

[00:16:46] Thinking back on it

[00:16:47] I wonder if he'd asked me

[00:16:48] not because

[00:16:49] it was something

[00:16:50] he wanted per se

[00:16:51] but just something

[00:16:52] that made sense.

[00:16:54] We'd been together

[00:16:55] for a while

[00:16:55] so it made sense

[00:16:56] to keep moving forward.

[00:16:57] It made financial sense

[00:16:58] and his family liked me.

[00:17:00] I'm not a perfect

[00:17:01] partner or person

[00:17:02] but wearing it all up

[00:17:03] marrying me

[00:17:04] had lots of

[00:17:05] factual advantages

[00:17:06] for him.

[00:17:07] I even have

[00:17:08] dual American citizenship

[00:17:10] and had always

[00:17:11] dreamed of moving

[00:17:12] to America one day.

[00:17:13] So OP came in

[00:17:15] to update their post

[00:17:16] and said

[00:17:16] sorry for the wait folks

[00:17:18] I've had a lot to do.

[00:17:19] This has honestly

[00:17:20] been one of the hardest

[00:17:21] things I've ever had to do.

[00:17:23] I'm backing with my parents

[00:17:24] which is awful.

[00:17:26] I hate it.

[00:17:27] I feel like a teenager again.

[00:17:29] They're being very supportive

[00:17:30] and I'm grateful

[00:17:31] I had somewhere to go

[00:17:32] but the house is so

[00:17:33] damn loud

[00:17:34] that I forgot

[00:17:35] what it was like.

[00:17:36] I'm trying to find

[00:17:37] an affordable apartment

[00:17:38] but it's London

[00:17:39] so that feels like

[00:17:40] a bit of a pipe dream.

[00:17:41] To top it all off

[00:17:42] cancelling a wedding

[00:17:43] a month before

[00:17:44] is expensive.

[00:17:46] Only the celebrant

[00:17:47] and the photographer

[00:17:48] have accepted refunds.

[00:17:49] Every other vendor

[00:17:50] has been paid in full

[00:17:52] and that's money

[00:17:53] just flushed down

[00:17:53] the toilet.

[00:17:54] It's been exhausting.

[00:17:57] Before this

[00:17:57] I was in a pretty

[00:17:58] great financial situation.

[00:18:00] Had savings

[00:18:01] and a plan

[00:18:02] and a house

[00:18:02] and a financially

[00:18:03] stable partner.

[00:18:04] Now I have less

[00:18:05] than a tenth

[00:18:06] of my savings.

[00:18:07] Nowhere to live

[00:18:08] and no real prospect

[00:18:09] for the future.

[00:18:10] It's not easy

[00:18:11] processing losing him.

[00:18:13] Not easy at all.

[00:18:14] I'm still in the part

[00:18:15] where everything

[00:18:16] makes me cry

[00:18:16] and you feel like

[00:18:17] someone has taken

[00:18:18] scissors to your soul

[00:18:19] but I've experienced

[00:18:20] both grief

[00:18:21] and breakups.

[00:18:22] I know this feeling

[00:18:23] will eventually fade

[00:18:24] even if it might

[00:18:25] never completely

[00:18:26] disappear.

[00:18:27] When it's mixed in

[00:18:28] with the relief

[00:18:28] of being able

[00:18:29] to exist

[00:18:30] without criticism

[00:18:30] every five minutes

[00:18:32] I'm hopeful

[00:18:33] it will pass

[00:18:33] sooner

[00:18:34] rather than later.

[00:18:36] But I have

[00:18:37] no experience

[00:18:38] for this kind

[00:18:38] of existential

[00:18:39] fear of being alone.

[00:18:41] Not having the family

[00:18:42] I've wanted

[00:18:42] for so long.

[00:18:43] Not knowing

[00:18:44] what's next.

[00:18:45] Actually trying

[00:18:46] to date someone.

[00:18:47] When I was little

[00:18:48] I never knew

[00:18:49] what I wanted

[00:18:49] from my career

[00:18:50] other than

[00:18:51] that I had one

[00:18:51] but I always knew

[00:18:53] I wanted to be a mum.

[00:18:54] That dream feels

[00:18:55] like it's getting

[00:18:56] further and further

[00:18:57] away every day.

[00:18:59] I have no experience

[00:19:00] for this burning

[00:19:01] embarrassment

[00:19:02] of telling everyone

[00:19:03] in your life

[00:19:03] that the wedding

[00:19:04] they were invited

[00:19:05] to isn't happening.

[00:19:06] It was so painful

[00:19:07] telling his niece

[00:19:08] and nephew

[00:19:09] I wasn't going

[00:19:09] to be seeing them again.

[00:19:11] They cried

[00:19:12] and clung to me

[00:19:12] and begged me

[00:19:13] not to go

[00:19:14] and they ripped

[00:19:15] my heart out.

[00:19:16] It's easy on reddit

[00:19:17] to tell someone

[00:19:18] to end things

[00:19:19] but when you've

[00:19:19] built a life together

[00:19:21] disentangling it

[00:19:22] it's so bloody difficult.

[00:19:24] A divorce would be easier

[00:19:26] because then we'd have

[00:19:27] a legal framework

[00:19:28] for all of this.

[00:19:29] Instead I have to decide

[00:19:30] if I want to take him

[00:19:31] to court for the custody

[00:19:32] of my cat

[00:19:32] when I don't have

[00:19:33] a proper place

[00:19:34] to house her

[00:19:35] but she's my cat.

[00:19:37] You might have noticed

[00:19:38] I've avoided

[00:19:39] really talking

[00:19:39] about my ex.

[00:19:41] We're communicating

[00:19:41] through our parents.

[00:19:43] He tried to reach out

[00:19:44] several times

[00:19:45] but if I talk to him

[00:19:45] I know I will do

[00:19:47] what I always do.

[00:19:48] I will buckle

[00:19:49] and take him back

[00:19:50] because I love him

[00:19:51] very very much.

[00:19:52] I've been in therapy

[00:19:53] again courtesy

[00:19:55] of my parents

[00:19:56] and my therapist

[00:19:57] has to keep reminding me

[00:19:58] to love myself

[00:19:59] more than I love him.

[00:20:01] I miss him anyway.

[00:20:03] He's promised a change

[00:20:04] promised couples

[00:20:05] counselling

[00:20:05] promised

[00:20:06] he knows he was wrong

[00:20:07] but he also hasn't

[00:20:09] said the word

[00:20:09] sorry yet.

[00:20:11] Such a small word

[00:20:12] and yet

[00:20:13] so telling.

[00:20:16] He's been generally

[00:20:17] pretty accommodating

[00:20:18] to me.

[00:20:19] Expenses have been

[00:20:20] split 50-50

[00:20:21] which is fair

[00:20:22] but certainly

[00:20:22] a worse deal

[00:20:23] for me.

[00:20:24] He left the house

[00:20:25] so I could gather

[00:20:26] my things in peace.

[00:20:27] I can tell from

[00:20:28] the state of it

[00:20:28] this has hit him hard.

[00:20:31] The cats have been

[00:20:31] the only sticking point

[00:20:32] and I understand why.

[00:20:34] The house is old

[00:20:35] and creaks

[00:20:36] but there alone

[00:20:37] isn't fun.

[00:20:38] Neither of us

[00:20:39] liked it when we were alone

[00:20:40] and a large part

[00:20:41] of the reason

[00:20:41] we got cats

[00:20:42] for the company

[00:20:42] at night

[00:20:43] when the other

[00:20:44] was away.

[00:20:45] I'm sorry

[00:20:45] if this wasn't

[00:20:46] the update

[00:20:46] you wanted to hear.

[00:20:47] My mind

[00:20:48] is all over the place.

[00:20:50] Special Lychee 6847

[00:20:52] says

[00:20:52] If the wedding date

[00:20:53] hasn't passed yet

[00:20:54] and you can get

[00:20:55] your reservations back

[00:20:56] just try to offer it

[00:20:57] to someone else.

[00:20:58] Even if you offer it

[00:20:59] for half the price

[00:21:00] you paid

[00:21:01] you'll still be getting

[00:21:02] some of your money back.

[00:21:03] You never know

[00:21:04] if someone is looking

[00:21:05] for a venue

[00:21:05] catering etc

[00:21:06] on short notice.

[00:21:07] It doesn't even have

[00:21:08] to be for a wedding.

[00:21:09] Someone could be

[00:21:10] having renewal

[00:21:11] of vows

[00:21:11] 50 year anniversary

[00:21:13] celebrating their retirement

[00:21:14] christening whatever.

[00:21:16] Anyone wanting

[00:21:17] to have a celebration

[00:21:17] on short notice

[00:21:18] could potentially

[00:21:19] reimburse your money

[00:21:20] for you.

[00:21:21] Post in local

[00:21:22] Facebook groups

[00:21:23] church

[00:21:24] wherever people

[00:21:25] that could want to

[00:21:26] buy your party

[00:21:27] can find it.

[00:21:28] However down

[00:21:28] you are feeling now

[00:21:29] it's still better

[00:21:30] than being trapped

[00:21:31] in a marriage

[00:21:31] that's not healthy.

[00:21:33] Opie replied

[00:21:34] saying

[00:21:34] unfortunately not.

[00:21:36] Since COVID

[00:21:37] wedding venues

[00:21:38] and vendors

[00:21:38] are aware of that

[00:21:39] and word their contracts

[00:21:41] to make sure

[00:21:41] resale is not possible

[00:21:42] they can sell

[00:21:43] their services

[00:21:44] at half price

[00:21:45] in addition

[00:21:45] to keeping

[00:21:46] the original

[00:21:46] payment.

[00:21:48] It's incredibly

[00:21:49] sad for Opie

[00:21:50] that update

[00:21:51] and my heart

[00:21:52] absolutely goes

[00:21:53] out to her.

[00:21:54] You know

[00:21:54] they've been together

[00:21:55] for six years

[00:21:56] and the love

[00:21:57] just doesn't

[00:21:58] disappear

[00:21:58] in an instant

[00:21:59] like that.

[00:22:00] It's going to

[00:22:00] take time

[00:22:01] it's going to

[00:22:02] take grieving

[00:22:02] of their relationship

[00:22:03] etc

[00:22:04] which I truly

[00:22:05] feel for her

[00:22:06] and you know

[00:22:07] the money lost

[00:22:08] as well

[00:22:09] things look

[00:22:10] pretty bleak

[00:22:11] around her

[00:22:11] at the moment.

[00:22:12] I truly hope

[00:22:13] that one day

[00:22:13] we're going

[00:22:14] to see an update

[00:22:14] from her

[00:22:15] that things

[00:22:16] have got better

[00:22:17] for her

[00:22:17] that once

[00:22:18] this grey

[00:22:18] cloud has

[00:22:19] lifted

[00:22:19] and she sees

[00:22:20] through the fog

[00:22:21] etc

[00:22:21] that her life

[00:22:22] has got better

[00:22:23] because the

[00:22:24] alternative to this

[00:22:25] was her getting

[00:22:26] married

[00:22:27] and sticking

[00:22:27] in this

[00:22:28] what sounded

[00:22:29] like a really

[00:22:29] unhealthy

[00:22:30] relationship

[00:22:31] in the way

[00:22:31] that it was

[00:22:32] going

[00:22:33] and that was

[00:22:34] no way to

[00:22:35] live at the

[00:22:35] same time.

[00:22:36] But now

[00:22:37] I'm going to

[00:22:38] turn this one

[00:22:39] to you guys

[00:22:39] what do you

[00:22:40] guys make

[00:22:41] of this

[00:22:42] situation?

[00:22:43] Let us know

[00:22:43] your thoughts

[00:22:44] down in the

[00:22:45] comments below.

[00:22:47] Now you

[00:22:48] bloody cheeky

[00:22:49] so and so's

[00:22:49] I just want to

[00:22:50] say a huge

[00:22:51] thank you

[00:22:51] for being here

[00:22:52] today

[00:22:52] getting involved

[00:22:53] in the stories

[00:22:54] showing your love

[00:22:55] not just towards

[00:22:56] me but towards

[00:22:57] one another

[00:22:57] in the comments

[00:22:58] to the OPs

[00:22:59] in the stories

[00:23:00] and to other

[00:23:01] commenters in the

[00:23:01] stories at the

[00:23:02] same time

[00:23:02] it really does

[00:23:03] mean the world

[00:23:04] to me to see

[00:23:04] you know a bit

[00:23:06] of positivity

[00:23:06] in what can be

[00:23:08] a dark world

[00:23:08] sometimes.

[00:23:09] Thank you so

[00:23:11] so much and

[00:23:11] hopefully I will

[00:23:12] see you in the

[00:23:14] next one.

[00:23:14] Keep being

[00:23:15] awesome.

[00:23:15] Much love.