I've Fallen Out Of Love With My Husband After A Traumatic Brain Injury r/Relationships

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[00:01:00] I'm not in love with him anymore, after I had a brain injury. Long story short,

[00:01:07] I was in a car accident. The other driver did a hit and run. Sentencing is taken a lot longer than I

[00:01:13] expected but my lawyer said he's probably going to have a lot of community service.

[00:01:17] I ended up needing physical therapy. Had a brain injury and my neuro said that I would have

[00:01:23] some challenges. I am in PT. One of the things they said I would face is differences in mood

[00:01:29] and behaviour. I haven't been moodier, in fact my friends and family say I'm basically the same

[00:01:34] as before but a little slow to get things. But the thing is, I don't love my husband anymore.

[00:01:41] He feels like a stranger to me. It's not like I'm a neziac but

[00:01:45] I don't feel connected to the memories I have with him. I don't know why I loved him so much.

[00:01:50] Yes he's attractive but he's boring and expects me to worship him. He's also obnoxious

[00:01:56] and self obsessed. I feel like I was the one dragging the relationship in the past.

[00:02:02] I felt like past me was way more in love with him than he was with me.

[00:02:06] And objectively, I don't know why I should care about him. I don't want to go on dates with

[00:02:11] him or hang around or do whatever I used to do with him. I've told him I feel a bit disconnected

[00:02:17] with my memories and past emotions but I haven't told him that I don't love him anymore.

[00:02:22] I've talked about it with a psychiatrist and she says this wasn't uncommon among patients.

[00:02:27] I told my friend and she insisted I should tell him how I feel honestly. Honestly,

[00:02:32] I may not like my husband but I feel like that would be cruel. Would I be the asshole for telling

[00:02:37] my husband I don't love him after my TBI? And TBI stands for traumatic brain injury.

[00:02:44] Wow that is just such a difficult situation to navigate really.

[00:02:50] Now my first thoughts on this and like I haven't got a clue. I'm not a neurologist.

[00:02:54] I don't know anything about this but is this like a permanent thing or could this possibly

[00:03:00] be a temporary thing? But in all honesty, I don't think you're the asshole for sharing how

[00:03:05] you're feeling currently. I think how you go about it may change that.

[00:03:10] I think talking to professionals about it and talking about the medical side and

[00:03:15] you know maybe getting your feelings on paper may help things out as well. So I imagine your husband

[00:03:21] is feeling just as confused and worried and let's check out to see what some of the comments say.

[00:03:27] Peter Friend says not the asshole however I'd heavily advise to phrase this exactly how it is.

[00:03:33] Brain damage. I'm having trouble connecting to our intimacy. I don't feel it like I know I

[00:03:38] should. OP says I phrased it like I feel like my memories aren't connected with me. It's

[00:03:43] like I'm remembering a movie I watched. Edgy replies that's it and I also have a brain injury.

[00:03:50] Sometimes my brain will replace real memories with dreams. Sometimes I'll remember something that never

[00:03:55] was or fight to the death to prove something and be totally wrong. I feel and understand your pain

[00:04:02] here. They still have very little real information on the totality of the effects of a brain

[00:04:08] injury but I would venture to bet those feelings aren't coming back because mine never did.

[00:04:13] I go by middle name now because I feel so much of a different person than before

[00:04:17] but my advice to you is to just be honest by default but go easy. It will never ever understand

[00:04:23] because nothing changed for him or everything has changed for you. PS I'm sure you have

[00:04:29] changed but your family is just trying to be nice and both of those things are okay.

[00:04:33] You are different now. Do not try to fit in your old skin. If this is recent and you want to

[00:04:39] talk hit me up. You've been living in dreamland for a decade now. The situation reply to that saying

[00:04:46] this happened to my husband also a car accident. For the next six to eight months he didn't just

[00:04:52] not love me. He actively disliked me. He would sit next to me and say how horrible I was and

[00:04:57] how much he didn't like being married. I don't know how it works in the brain but

[00:05:02] these feelings just wore off over time the longer he recovered. When we started marriage

[00:05:06] counseling a couple of years later he didn't remember the first six months after his accident

[00:05:11] at all. I believe him. Doctor confirmed it's possible. All of this to say you are not the

[00:05:16] asshole and it's not your fault if your feelings change. He's also may have been

[00:05:21] latent feelings from before and not due to the accident but if it's only been a few months

[00:05:26] maybe wait a little longer just in case but do whatever is best for your recovery.

[00:05:32] Polygon man says you should talk to your doctor and psychiatrist about the chance that this changes.

[00:05:37] Perhaps with this new perspective you wouldn't want to be with him even if your feelings did

[00:05:42] change back to how they were but perhaps you'd want to work things out. If you know it's unlikely

[00:05:47] this will spontaneously change back then I think telling him and moving towards divorce

[00:05:52] is the best decision for sure. OP says the psychiatrist said that it could come back

[00:05:56] naturally or it could not. Brain injuries are unpredictable. I've been trying to build

[00:06:01] intimacy with my husband but I don't like who he is as a person and I wonder how I fell in love with

[00:06:07] him. Lengthiness wonderful says that's a tough position. I personally would because I've promised

[00:06:13] to be completely transparent with my husband no matter how much it may hurt but this may be

[00:06:18] an unpopular opinion. Before talking with him though I'd confide in a close friend who

[00:06:23] knows you and your partner well. See if they viewed it similarly or if this is just a perspective

[00:06:29] change. When you talk to him I would let him know exactly what you said how you don't feel connected

[00:06:34] to your memories with him and how you feel of the memories looking back at them. His response may

[00:06:39] help you form new memories further than with him that would bring to light how he viewed those

[00:06:43] memories. That might help you connect or it may give you the clarity that this is how it's

[00:06:48] been. Either way I think it's best for him to know. Opie says I've told it to a close friend.

[00:06:55] She was the one that urged me to tell him everything honestly however I get the feeling

[00:06:59] that she doesn't really like my partner so I might be doing something wrong even if I don't love

[00:07:04] him. I feel bad for hurting his feelings and it was surprising the amount of comments who

[00:07:10] been through a very very similar experience and of course there was a lot of comments saying

[00:07:15] you know don't come to Reddit for this sort of advice just talk to the professionals and you

[00:07:20] know I think that is the best advice in this situation right. But Opie did update their posts

[00:07:26] and said I talked with my husband I don't want to hurt his feelings and I wanted to fall back

[00:07:30] in love with him. I sat him down and told him that I felt disconnected from my own emotions

[00:07:35] and passed with him. That my memories with him like I was reliving a movie not my own life.

[00:07:41] He guessed that I wasn't in love with him and he sobbed and begged me not to leave him.

[00:07:46] It was heartbreaking and I reassured him that I wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to build up my

[00:07:51] emotions again and reconnect with my past memories about him so we decided I would go back to the

[00:07:57] doctors to figure out how I can do that and in the meantime we would go on days where he was

[00:08:02] trying to win me over again. Some have asked me what kind of behaviors I didn't like. When I

[00:08:08] was in the hospital he would always crawl into bed and cram me into a corner. At our date he

[00:08:13] talked through the entire movie and had his flash on when he was taking pictures of me.

[00:08:18] I didn't ask him to take pictures he just likes taking ugly pictures of me. He complains a lot.

[00:08:24] When we're at the restaurant he kept complaining about the food he ordered to the waiter.

[00:08:28] He pokes me a lot, he also whines and he made me eat dessert even if I don't want to

[00:08:34] and he never stops talking. I focused on the bigger things. He's very attentive and affectionate

[00:08:41] towards me. He likes to buy me little gifts and he makes me try and he was at my side the entire

[00:08:47] time even if he did get kicked out by the nurses for annoying them. I know I can rely on him to

[00:08:52] be there for me which is the most important thing. At the end of the date we actually slept

[00:08:58] together for the first time since my accident which was less than a year ago but it had been

[00:09:02] a couple of months since I was cleared to have sex. We hadn't really been romantic and intimate so it

[00:09:08] really did feel like I was with an annoying best friend but I wanted to fall back in love with him.

[00:09:13] He used to be frequently intimate before my accident. His entire paragraph is very embarrassing

[00:09:19] to write so please skip it if you are like me and easily embarrassed by public displays of

[00:09:24] affection. He's actually incredible. I swear I fell back in love with him for a few seconds.

[00:09:30] Honestly I'm much more inclined to ignore all of his annoying habits or even find them cute.

[00:09:35] We slept together in the morning too and the second day of dating went a lot better.

[00:09:41] Not fully in love with him yet and I want to reforge the deeper connection because I know

[00:09:45] I loved him for a lot more and I do not want my affection for him resting solely on one thing.

[00:09:51] I started a journal of all the things I like and love about him.

[00:09:55] Hopefully it gets filled soon. Edit to answer a few questions I got. Yes it was a movie theater.

[00:10:02] The other moviegoers were not happy. This isn't new behavior. He always talked a lot and was in

[00:10:07] my personal space even before my accident. When I was recovering the nurses kicked him out for

[00:10:13] annoying them but they led him back in after a bit. And the top comments on that update said

[00:10:19] brief association said he might be annoying but man he's one hell of a trooper.

[00:10:24] That man sure loves you. I'm glad you're trying. I hope you guys can get the old spark back fully.

[00:10:30] Keep being very open and honest. Communicate all of your feelings.

[00:10:34] It can't hurt and it will likely help for him to know everything. Best of luck to you both.

[00:10:39] I hope to see an even better update in the future.

[00:10:42] Offal says here's the thing. Everything you mention about him that really bothers

[00:10:46] you is all stuff that you'd never notice during the dating and courtship phase.

[00:10:51] And they're all things people sort of hide during those early days.

[00:10:54] The part where you're getting to know each other and all that happens when you're falling in love.

[00:10:59] These things you don't like. They're all part of the man that you love.

[00:11:03] But you forgot them all and are experiencing them fresh as if they are new.

[00:11:07] And you no longer have the larger context that they're small parts of the man you love.

[00:11:12] He isn't even aware they're so apparent to you probably.

[00:11:15] In the early parts we're all on our best behaviour and somewhat nervous and guarded.

[00:11:19] But he's not at all and why should he be? To him you're his wife who he loves and

[00:11:24] nearly lost. He's just happy to have you. Probably thrilled and more in love with you than ever.

[00:11:30] You're seeing all these imperfections in him that are real and maybe never really bothered

[00:11:34] you before. Because he's so comfortable around you that he's just himself. Because he loves

[00:11:40] you. Give him a really good solid chance because it sounds like he's earned it and it sounds like

[00:11:45] he sure loves you. Unlucky luck says your first paragraph was exactly what I was thinking as well.

[00:11:51] Those annoying little things he does are signs that for him he'd been married for a while but for

[00:11:56] her she restarted in the middle of the marriage. And those comments I certainly felt a little

[00:12:03] like that during that update but all I can really do is wish you all the best going forward and

[00:12:10] like the commenters said be open and communicate your feelings because you may as well at this point.

[00:12:17] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:12:22] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

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[00:13:40] 365 day returns and our next story comes from apprehensive tie 7252 from the am i the asshole

[00:13:49] here subreddit and says am i the asshole here for not wanting to have sex after my wife turned

[00:13:54] it into a reward slash punishment system i think my wife is experiencing a phenomena called

[00:14:00] the seven-year itch right now we are married to each other for seven years now and did not have any

[00:14:05] serious problem before around the end of 2023 she started offering sex for small gestures such as

[00:14:12] gifts and doing chores but the last seven years and since i've been an independent adult i make

[00:14:18] sure to handle my share of chores she offered mine blowing sex for me doing her part of chores

[00:14:24] which i enjoyed first then it turned into gifts and gestures mind you he's had all been present

[00:14:31] in our relationship for the last seven years nothing out of the ordinary that changed happened

[00:14:37] literally overnight great sex life both take care of other parties needs by communicating

[00:14:42] clearly and respecting their wishes even though it was good at first it turned into a form of

[00:14:48] reward and punishment later on you did not do x no sex for you or good you did this and we can

[00:14:56] have sex i asked her what does the deal with this she did not do it before she says she gets turned

[00:15:01] on and feels emotionally connected when i put extra effort into the relationship i just rolled

[00:15:06] my eyes at that what did even change overnight for it to happen i should have asked it back

[00:15:11] then it's been a few months since this started and i could not take it anymore i started

[00:15:17] refusing her advances because it's such a turn off for me yesterday she came to me and said

[00:15:23] you did the chores i think you deserve a reward i told her i do not know where you have seen this

[00:15:28] but it's getting out of hand i'm not pavlov's dog you're giving treat or punishment to communicate

[00:15:34] with me if there is something wrong but this change you had overnight is ridiculous you expect me

[00:15:41] to beg for it and obey you in every case you're making me feel like i have not contributed

[00:15:46] anything to chores or did not show you any gestures before that just tell me what is happening because

[00:15:51] if we're going to change every good aspect of our relationship because you saw it somewhere else

[00:15:56] the relationship will die out faster than the candlestick she stormed out crying and slept on

[00:16:01] the couch i'm getting the cold shoulder now did my wife turn into an eight-year-old child or

[00:16:06] what what does this sudden change and am i the asshole for not wanting to have sex with her

[00:16:12] and calling out her behavior or to appreciate advice especially from women is it bad that my

[00:16:18] first thought that came out of this is tiktok you know probably completely wrong i remember there

[00:16:24] was a trend a year or so ago and it made it into like all various newspapers and stuff about

[00:16:30] you know this daddy's sticker chart thing and my thoughts on that was especially if it just

[00:16:35] sort of like happened overnight like it feels like she's picked up this advice from somewhere and

[00:16:41] just ran with it but it's quite simple in this in that sex is not transactional but software

[00:16:47] any says you are not a dog you're a person this is manipulative and while you probably should

[00:16:51] have said something at first not the asshole apprehensive tie replacing at first it was

[00:16:57] pleasant having good sex after some small gestures was good it added a new dynamic to

[00:17:03] our relationship it was good until it turned into a reward slash punishment system and

[00:17:07] happened all the time for our obligation quotes that says i think this is key seems like your

[00:17:13] entire sex life has started to hinge on the system not just part of it doing something

[00:17:19] transactional like that once in a while could be fun diverting exciting just another way to add

[00:17:24] some spice but that's the thing about spice it shouldn't be the only thing you taste nice

[00:17:31] your wife has unwisely turned your entire sexual dynamic into something transactional

[00:17:36] which at best is going to make you constantly feel like you have to earn intimacy with your wife

[00:17:41] and that will get boring and frustrating it seems it already has and at worst it has a strong

[00:17:47] ick factor like sometimes my wife gets turned on when I attack that gigantic pile of dishes we've

[00:17:53] both left for too long i think people generally like feeling cared for feeling like someone

[00:17:58] else cares for the home they share and it's attractive i know i feel very attracted to

[00:18:03] my wife when she cooks a favorite meal people get warm feelings from that kind of expression

[00:18:08] of love and care which can turn into sexual excitement and that's all fine but your wife

[00:18:13] has taken that and turned it into something else something less warm i think you need to sit

[00:18:18] down with her and calmly gently explain what's in your mind and why this dynamic needs to

[00:18:24] change i think that comment raised some very good points at the same time as well the purple

[00:18:28] goat says reminds me of this thing i saw on fml several years ago today my wife made me a sex

[00:18:36] rewards chart where i got points by doing chores and such and 50 points gets me some action she

[00:18:42] refuses to even look at me if i haven't earned the point and is contemplating sleeping alone

[00:18:47] in the guest room until i earn more points don't let your relationship turn into that

[00:18:52] yeah and if you just google like daddy reward charts you can see him in the images straight away

[00:18:58] like cleaning up baby puke several times gets him gets him something one more comment from

[00:19:06] high on catnip brownie says her great name is she talking to a friend who's giving her weird

[00:19:11] advice because it is not far off to say that women are told to praise and appreciate their

[00:19:15] partner they try and get them to do something they want for example if i want my boyfriend

[00:19:20] to do the dishes i might gush about how wonderfully is when he does the dishes so in theory he does it

[00:19:25] more so i keep telling him he's great but what you're absolutely not supposed to do ever is say

[00:19:31] good boy his sex or bad boyfriend no nookie for you this is dog training so i wonder if she is

[00:19:38] badly applying some terrible advice and if she is what is she trying to get you to do

[00:19:43] like what problem is she trying to solve by doing this you'd have a long convo with her when

[00:19:47] she's not in the she give it and she take it away mindset so op comes in with her update and says

[00:19:53] i was planning to talk to my wife today but surprisingly she came to talk to me in the

[00:19:57] early morning during breakfast she apologized and told me the things i made her understand

[00:20:02] she hurt me and she felt terrible for that she told me she took it too far without reading

[00:20:07] my reactions i also apologize for telling her off like that and losing control of my emotions

[00:20:13] we had a great discussion about what happened why it happened in our marriage in general

[00:20:18] i asked her if she thought my gestures were not enough and she thought share of chores were unfair

[00:20:23] she said it's not like that and there is no problem with share of chores nor my gestures

[00:20:28] she's been feeling less confident and adding a new dynamic to our relationship by

[00:20:32] making me try more made her feel better just like before we were married also she told me

[00:20:38] having less to do allowed her to completely focus on me and turned her on more she also stated that

[00:20:44] she was feeling shy initiating due to her confidence and this dynamic helped her to initiate i asked

[00:20:50] if she was happy with our sex life in me she said she is more than happy and reward slash

[00:20:55] punishment thing has nothing to do with it my final question was if she had this kind of kink

[00:21:01] she said maybe she felt good playing like that but accepted turning the whole sex life into

[00:21:06] this was terrible of her i agreed while it was good in the beginning turning the whole sex life

[00:21:11] into a reward and punishment system and doing it all the time became a problem i told her i'm okay

[00:21:16] with that kind of play or any kind of play as long as it's communicated i'm a freak so no

[00:21:22] problem for my sad cheeky we had more talk about private things but in the end communicated our

[00:21:29] thoughts and feelings to each other clearly in the end she told me maybe i should reward her

[00:21:34] for being a good girl this time and this awakens something sleeping in me oh dear i don't know

[00:21:41] i don't know if i'll be able to wait for the night finally there were some people demonizing my wife

[00:21:46] and telling me to divorce or find an affair right away on the other hand some declared me as a

[00:21:52] deadbeat husband abusing my wife by making her mummy me even though i clearly stated it's not

[00:21:57] like that in the post white people love assuming things with zero information like that

[00:22:02] to make one party guilty chill the problem is solved and i would say with that challenge

[00:22:08] our love and sex life will level up from the looks of it thank you for all the suggestions

[00:22:12] and help cheers it feels kind of weird saying what a wholesome story after two people just

[00:22:19] discovered their kinks i'm just kidding but in reality i'm so glad that they did

[00:22:24] communicate this out they did talk it through and they didn't take some of reddit's advice

[00:22:29] there there's always some comments that always go too far isn't there but now i'm gonna turn this

[00:22:35] one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the

[00:22:41] comments below as always just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved

[00:22:46] in today's stories your love your support your time always means the absolute world to me so

[00:22:51] thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take

[00:22:56] care and much love selling a little or a lot shopify helps you do your thing however you

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