I Scheduled MY SURGERY Over Easter And My Mum Is Claiming I'm Ruining The Day

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Lavinia67 who says, Am I the arsehole for scheduling a surgery over Easter?

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00] Long story short, I almost died in 2022. My mum and my siblings didn't come to visit me for four days. My dad drove and was there in four hours despite being sick himself and when they said to prepare for the worst, he sat by me for hours in a plastic chair. My mum thought I was faking it, which is why she didn't show up. Turns out I had nodules in my brain and other issues. I then saw a specialist and they said I needed surgery.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_00] I messaged my family in the WhatsApp group being like, this is bad. And they simply sent DMs to the group saying, get well soon. Like I'm having keyhole surgery. Had more love from colleagues. Now, I need surgery tomorrow. And I scheduled my recovery over Easter and observation a few weeks back. My mum does a big Easter meal for the family and an egg hunt every year. But the first was the only slot I could get without missing too much time off of work.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00] She then seemed peeved that I had ruined her plans and that she had bought me an egg. She didn't ask how I felt, if I was nervous, if I wanted a video call with her before I went in. Nothing. Sure, I'm 35 and she's 59, but still, I expected her to sound concerned over me. Not her meal. She then said, you actually need surgery again. Like I was faking it. I didn't even tell my siblings because they're probably say thoughts and prayers and nothing else.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00] Then again, though, I could have gotten a later slot in April and attended her meal. She's put a lot of care into this and I could have been more thoughtful. So am I the asshole. What I find really sad about stories like this, like poor OP going into surgery and her primary concern at the moment is whether she's been rude about an Easter egg hunt. You know, like we see in many of these stories, that's not guilt. That's being conditioned to feel a certain way.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm sorry, but this mum is an absolute asshole asking your child if they need surgery twice over a long period of time when, you know, OP said in the very first line they almost died in 2023. They're nodules on the brain. That sounds absolutely fucking terrifying. If any family member, friend or anyone that I knew came up to me and was telling me this sort of stuff, I'd be concerned for them and asking them how I can help them in their recovery, support while they're there.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00] Anything that I could do. Not getting enough fit about the bloody egg that you bought them. That makes me so angry. And I know it's such a Reddit-y thing to say because it gets said all the time in these situations because we always, the majority of the time we see bad situations, right? That's why they're there. And I say it a lot, but you got to stand back and just say, what is this person actually bringing to your life? It's absolutely wild.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00] Luke 87 says, so you almost died a few years ago and now need surgery. And now your mum is worried about an Easter egg she bought, not the asshole. Amaron says, OP, keep reading this post until it sinks in for you. OP says, I've always thought she had narcissistic personality disorder, but I always questioned whenever she would do something nice. This chat is really hitting home that she most likely has it. Though, and I think it's time to set some firm boundaries and not expect anything more.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00] Amaron says, I'm not going to diagnose anyone with NPD as I'm wholly unqualified to do so. That being said, being more concerned about an Easter egg than your child's surgery, that definitely tracks with being a narcissist. All the best, OP. OP says, I also stayed a few weeks after Christmas at hers and had some time off. And she said, I was treating her home like a hotel. I left the same day. I'm honestly just piecing together all these narratives. And yeah, I think you're right. This is just the moment I'm seeing.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00] Left Wing says, big question. You paint a picture of a weird family besides your dad. So callous, unfeeling and disinterested towards you that it stretches credulity. What made them this way towards you? They literally don't care if you live. Instead, it's full of, oh well, shit happens, then you die vibes. What the fuck happened? Not the arsehole. Your health is paramount. Liz Truth says, sometimes families are shitty. Sometimes one kid gets to be the scapegoat for all the issues in a family.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00] It's not always justified. OP says, honestly, yeah, I feel like the scapegoat 99% of the time. She also puts me down in public and treats me like a child. Trying to take my coat off at a restaurant and patting my head. Like it's weird and I don't know why she does it. I'm a company director. I'm 35 and she treats me like this. Then when I almost die, she doesn't show up. I don't know. What's worrying me though in these comments is that I don't know what's normal anymore. Like if your child has surgery,

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00] Do you send a good luck message or I don't know, call? Or maybe ask a sibling to be there with me as I'm alone. Just realizing sadly that I think unless she was under the knife, she wouldn't message me. I think this relationship needs a strong boundary and a door closing. Swimming Advice says, honestly, this doesn't sound like it's about Easter at all. You needed surgery and took the slot that worked. That's pretty reasonable. I can see why your mom feels disappointed, but it also sounds like you're wanting some basic concern from her.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00] And not getting it feels like there's a bigger thing here than just scheduling to be honest. Opie says, The issue too is that I have a large family. So honestly, I picked the weekend that wasn't an engagement party or someone's birthday or me having work. Yes, it's her meal and she loves to cook lamb and I applaud her for it. But I want to be alive for the next Easter, you know. Unbashed Nuance says, Doesn't sound like it's an elective minor surgery like LASIK. LASIK? LASIK? Not the arsehole. I hope everything goes well and you fully recover.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00] Hypothetically, there will be another Easter next year. Opie says, Nah, I have hernias, so having keyhole. I also have brain nodules and seizures, so I'm a little terrified that I have one while under and everything goes haywire. But I'm religious, so I'm covered. Ha. More so that, yeah, this is my first proper surgery. And I just wanted her there, you know. Not even physically. Just a good luck text would be nice, rather than me feeling guilty for ruining her Easter lunch. Opie replied to a longer comment saying,

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00] The worst part is, we have a family dog, and when he stopped eating, she would cuddle him and make sure he was okay. And think about vet trips and do all of this. I can't even get a text to wish me well 12 hours before I go under. I don't know, again, I'm used to this. I just wanted to make sure this time I wasn't becoming her, because that's my greatest fear. Being so selfish that I make Easter about me because I need surgery, which in my head sounds foolish. But that's what I thought. That by booking it for tomorrow, I was becoming my mum.

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_00] Opie did update some point later and says, Surgery was a success and I'm awake. No messages except from my dad. But I've learned to accept this and move on. Thanks for all the support here. This is a year of healing in many ways, and I think it's time to heal from her too. Appreciate you all getting me through this week. Seriously means a lot. Raising some water to you all. Commodore says, I'm definitely getting old when I see that age gap between you and your mum as too short.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_00] Not the arsehole though, and congrats on surgery success. Happy Easter. Get yourself a big recovery Easter egg to celebrate. Jane Smith says, Not the arsehole. Sorry that you're going through all this and your family is such crap. Hope you find your people and can leave behind the genetic ones. Sending you get well wishes with a big comforting hug. And time tie says, So sorry you've been abandoned and neglected by your selfish mother. Every good wish for a full recovery and a happy life. Not the arsehole.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00] I'm super glad that OP's surgery did go well. And that they're considering the relationships within their life. Because it does seem very one-sided. Like we see in a lot of these stories. And OP recognizing patterns that may have been going off in the past. Because simply, as we say in a lot of these stories, OP simply deserves better. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00] This story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And says, Now from that title itself, you might just need a warning that there might be some descriptive stuff within this story. So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. All that good stuff. Not sure yet. Haven't read it myself. But now we're getting started.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00] My partner and I are on holiday for the long weekend. It'll be our last chance to go away before the baby's come. So we headed off. Two days in, we're having a fight. I'm upset. She's upset. She's upset that we aren't engaged yet. I have a plan to propose soon. Not that I'd tell her. And saying all kinds of horrible things to me. Like how she's unhappy and would leave me if she wasn't pregnant. Whenever we argue, which isn't often, she gets really mean and says awful things like this.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00] Which she doesn't mean and soon takes back. Anyway, she was upset. Said the above and also that we're done. And she feels nothing for me. And she loved sucking off her ex. And that she watches a video of it to get herself off. Then she proceeded to shove said video in my face. And I left. I've been cheated on in every relationship. So it hurt really bad. She also knows that. I'm literally shaking just writing this. And it happened a solid eight hours ago.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00] She came and found me an hour after and apologized. Said that it's only in her deleted folder. She doesn't really watch it. She just had emptied the folder. And we tried to make the most of the rest of the day. I took her out to dinner. We had a good time and a nice meal. And it was a good date. The problem is, I can't get that brief three seconds of video out of my head. All day, every couple of minutes it pops into my head. I hate it. And I keep seeing it. On the way to dinner. At dinner. On the way back. In the elevator.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00] And we get back to the hotel. And we're still having a relatively good time. We both apologized. And we're trying to move on. We're sitting on the couch. And she tries to make a move. Video pops into my head. So I disconnect. She tried again a few minutes later. Video pops into my head. Disconnect. Happens a few times. Then I say that I'm tired. I want to have a shower and go to bed. Shower. Video. Teeth. Video. Video. Lying in bed. Video. I can't sleep. I'm rolled into a ball facing the wall trying to sleep.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00] She comes in. I say goodnight. And she rolls away and says goodnight. I tell her the issue I'm having. And now she's upset with me again. Because she shaved and put on a nice dress. All for nothing. I'm not giving her emotionally or physically what she needs. This is fucked. I'm out in the living room because we don't want to share the same bed. I love her. And she's pregnant with our first children. Twins. 16 weeks. We spent the day shopping for prams and other baby items. I really want to spend my life with her. And she does too. At least so she says.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00] I have no clue how to deal with this situation. Advice in fixing this. Edit 1. To be clear, these kids are mine. We know that for certain. We have worked out exactly when they were conceived. It was only the two of us and were away on holiday at the time. Edit 2. Yes, she kicked me out for one night eight months ago. We worked through that. At the time, she was still hurting from her ex and was scared to be with another guy. It was very late at night and said ex lived over 12 hours away. Edit 3.

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_00] I would not normally describe her as immature. Quite the opposite really. That's part of why I'm attracted to her in the first place. Granted, yes. Her behavior in an argument is immature and childish. She's otherwise quite a responsible adult who frankly would make a great mother. Edit 4. This post really exploded and thank you for your input. It's very late, so I've stopped commenting but I'm definitely reading thank you all again. P.S. A number of people with iPhones have commented that she must be either lying about the deleted folder or something more sinister.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_00] I did not know they automatically delete after 30 days. It will certainly be a conversation point in our next interaction and calling her out on it. This definitely changes things. I simply assumed files stay there forever unless permanently deleted manually, like the recycling bin on a Windows PC. I don't own an iPhone. P.P.S. A number of people have suggested a pattern and an underlying mental disorder. Pregnancy hormones having an effect and a need for therapy. I think this is something to consider and would appreciate any trained advice.

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_00] In at 5, I can't sleep and I'm reading all your comments. Thank you. Some additional context might not go astray. We live in Queensland, Australia and it's currently 1.07am. Yes, I'm tired. We've known each other since early high school and we got together romantically like 11 months ago. A bit soon to have kids? Debatable. We both felt like we were ready and it's what we wanted. Euphoric says there'd be no coming back from that for me. How long have you all been together?

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00] Because I know for iPhones, the items in a deleted folder only last 30 days. So if it's been there all this time, that means she keeps recovering it and then deleting it to keep it there. I'd be done. For her to show you that so mercilessly means she doesn't give a fuck about you. There's not going to be any way to get that video out of your head and you're always going to be thinking about it whenever you're around her. Damage is done. It's time to let go because she's obviously still hung up on her ex if she has kept that video and gets herself off with it. Huge disrespect.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00] Stereo says Android keeps them in the trash for a max 60 days backed up files and 30 days non-backed up files. I see no reason that the video should have still been there besides she lied about it being in there. Then Ad says you have more than the video to contend with. The real problem is that she kept the video and if she's willing to throw it in your face to hurt you, you better get a paternity test immediately after birth and back out of the proposal. It'll only get worse after you're married if she's doing that now.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_00] Tainted Buttercup says the real problem isn't that she still had the video in her deleted videos folder. It was that she was so quick to get it and shoved it in his face. What a cruel and ugly thing to do. Even in the angry moments this crosses a line and can't be undone. I would not want to marry someone like that. Another commenter says, Mate, if she has this video of her sucking her ex-boyfriend's cock at the ready and she shoves her phone in your face while arguing with you, that's not the kind of person I would plan a life with. And I'm not even mad about the video itself.

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00] We all have a past but the level of hurt that she's willing to inflict on you isn't something I'd want a partner to be capable of. And that was her response to you not proposing marriage to her. Whoa. I can't believe you stuck around and went to dinner with her after that. Co-parent and be a great dad. And Hey Sandy Strange says, I said it elsewhere. I think her keeping that video of her ex is very problematic. Men who do the same, keep sexy photos and videos of exes as masturbation material, get called creepy and gross all the time.

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00] To me, OP's girlfriend is the same. Her ex probably doesn't know she still has it and probably wouldn't like that she showed OP. It says a lot about her as a person. Yeah. All of the comments pointing out the right stuff here that she was so willing to shove that in your face and make you see it to hurt you basically. She wanted to hurt you. She also says other stuff like we're done. She feels nothing for you. Love sucking off her ex. All that kind of thing. And you said it's a pattern of behavior as well.

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00] And she knew this guy had a history of being cheated on. She knew a video like that would be absolutely devastating to him. And she used it. There is no moving past that. And that just I couldn't see a way of moving past that. But OP did update the post and said we had a reasonable, respectful conversation this morning and I explained how I felt. She apologized, admitted that she kept the video and a few other things in a hidden folder. She asked me if I wanted to delete them and let me delete the whole folder.

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_00] She also got me to delete her recently deleted folder. I believe her asking was purely so I could be certain not to hurt me. And that she would have done it in front of me if I had said no. We had a deeper conversation about each other's insecurities in the relationship. Neither of us are perfect. And she raised a few valid points as to a few little things that add up to make her unhappy. We're still talking but we're taking a break right now. It's gotten a bit emotional and we're each processing some of the things the other wants changed.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not easily capable of addressing her concerns and I want to. She seems willing to address mine. And I think the gesture of her getting me to delete her hidden folder shows that. Mate, no, no, no. The commenter says, I'd highly recommend taking some serious time to reflect on marrying this young woman. Not only is that incredibly cruel, it's manipulative. And having a lot more experience than you, this type of behavior will most likely only get worse.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] The fact that she had never had any time after her last relationship speaks volumes about your relationship. It's a very high probability you would just rebound or a feel-good thing to either spite her ex or help her bruised ego. Or both. Never seriously date anyone fresh out of a relationship. Especially one that went south. Sounds like you need to set some firm fucking boundaries and stick by them. All or nothing. Then some counseling before you get married. You do not want to waste the next 7-10 years of your life only to get beaten down and divorced.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00] Take this as a warning buddy. Choose wisely. Another one of the commenters basically said, At worst, she's cheated on him. At best, she is cruel. Oh yes, the bar is really low, right? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's have another story. Now our next story comes from Mummy Text from the Relationships subreddit. It says,

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00] I, 39 female, am getting increasingly paranoid at my husband, 41 male, and his relationship with our daughter's 16 female friend, 16 female. Throwaway account and names have been changed. The situation involves a few people. My husband Rick, myself Sarah, our daughter Cass, and her friend Tina. Rick and I have been married for 19 years, and we have had mostly a happy marriage. We have one daughter, Cass, who has always been a loner.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00] This year, Cass has made some new friends. This was the first time she had real friends, so we were happy about it. These four girls started coming to our place after school and on the weekend. They dress how teenage girls do. Short shorts, tiny shirts, yoga pants, small dresses. I noticed that sometimes my husband's gaze would linger on them, but it was never more than a glance. I didn't know if I was seeing things or just being sensitive, so I let it go. In the summer, they started using our pool and hot tub. Again, I noticed that Rick would sit out on the deck to read a book.

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00] I never caught him watching them though, and he never stayed outside for more than a few minutes. I did notice that his office blind stayed open, and his windows looked over the pool. Again, I said nothing because there wasn't anything except the feeling. Sometime during the summer, the girls got really friendly with him and started to call him by his first name. One girl, Tina, was especially friendly. Tina has shown up at our house when Cass isn't home yet. She says she doesn't mind waiting, and she plops right down next to Rick and tries to chat him up.

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00] Either he doesn't notice or he pretends not to notice. She bounces around him in her skimpy outfits, and he seems oblivious. But I know Rick isn't stupid. Last week, she missed her school bus, so she asked Rick to drive her. When he agreed, she gave him a giant hug. The kind where you hang off the person, and it lasted a few seconds too long. Again, Rick seemed not to notice. The last straw, and the reason I'm posting this, is what happened on Saturday. I was walking in our hallway, and I heard her say to Rick, Do you really think I'm beautiful?

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00] Rick replied that he did, and she shouldn't ever forget it. I peeked in, and she was sitting on the couch next to him. She hugged him again, and again, it lingered. Then she pranced out. When she saw me standing there, she averted her eyes and scrambled past me. This time, I asked Rick what that was about. He said simply, You know teenagers and their self-esteem issues. I don't know what I should do, or if I should do anything. If I'm wrong, I would be alienating my husband, my daughter,

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_00] and throwing a wrench into her first real friendship. Data Fox says, One, Cass's friends are no longer allowed over when she isn't home. They can come back later. You can't just apply this rule to Tina alone. Two, talk to your husband about boundaries that are getting crossed here. That could end up with potential legal trouble. Do not accuse him of cheating unless you have proof. This girl has a crush on him, and probably some mental issues. Three, Next time, if she tries to pull it again, you drive her wherever. Not your husband.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_00] Take this time to ask her more about herself. Change the focus to you being the confidant over time, as there might be something wrong at home. Four, Don't fret. I think you've witnessed enough red flags to fix the issue before it escalates. Opie says, I feel like this is good advice. I don't want to come off like I'm calling him a pedo. Another commenter says, I think telling a 16-year-old he thinks is beautiful is in fact wildly appropriate. Opie says, That's what I thought too. But after I thought about it, I didn't hear the context of the conversation. Destroyer says,

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, married for 19 years, you can't just talk about it. I see all of these posts setting rules. If my girlfriend came up to me and started saying, You can't be here with X alone. You're not allowed to do this. I'll get upset. If you have a problem, use your words and figure it out. You let it get into your head that he in fact has a crush on this girl, and you won't believe any different, even if he tells you the opposite. Opie says, Wow, you make a great point. I couldn't just tell Rick that he can't be alone with Tina, or anyone else for that matter. That makes it sound like I'm blaming him.

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00] I'll try to talk to him and figure it out. So Opie does update this post and says, Last night, Tina had dinner at us. As she was leaving, she started passing out hugs. This time, when she went to hug Rick, he stopped her cold by stepping behind a chair and saying, Good night, Tina. This was noticeably strange. When Tina left, Cass asked Rick what that was about. Rick said he wanted a family meeting. So before I was able to say anything, Rick laid out some new ground rules for guests.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] None of the girls were allowed in the house when Cass wasn't home. None of the girls were allowed into his study. It was a short meeting, but that was it. Cass didn't really know what to make of it, but said okay and went back up to her room. I prodded for more answers, and I found out what had happened. It turns out that sometime during dinner, Tina tried to corner him in the hallway and kiss him. She told him that there was something she needed his help with, and she didn't want other people to overhear. When he got close enough, she tried to kiss him. When he stopped her,

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_00] he made sure to stress that her lips never touched him. She tried to grab him inappropriately. At that point, he retreated back to the dinner table. At this point, I told him that I saw Tina had a crush on him a while ago, and he should have set up boundaries long ago. He didn't see it. To him, that almost kiss came out of nowhere. He was freaking out a bit, so I finally asked him to go into more detail of why he said that she was beautiful that day. Turns out that she had come to him and said she needed to talk about something important.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_00] Rick suggested she talk to me, but Tina said that this was something only he could help her with, and it was a little bit embarrassing. So that Saturday, he met her in his office, and Rick said that Tina told him that the people at school hate her, and that she is ugly, and that she would die alone. That kind of stuff. She asked him if she is really ugly, and if she would die alone. He said that he can assure her that she won't die alone, and that she is a beautiful girl, and even if she wasn't, that doesn't mean she would die alone. Tina's response was,

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_00] do you really think I'm beautiful? And that is where I heard from. He said he was just trying to be supportive. He only thought of her like he would his own daughter. So, it does make sense. Now that I know what is going on, I'm not sure if it's safe for Tina to be around at all. I just can't help but think of the lies Tina could tell if we cut her out of our lives. That, and Cass, really loves her friend. Dolomite says, honestly, I thought he was clueless when you posted your original post. I don't think most married middle-aged men

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_00] would think that one of their daughter's friend could possibly be attracted to them. Glad to hear it ended up being okay, if a bit awkward. Obi says he was clueless up into that last second. What it would have looked like if I turned the corner, and Rick was bent down, and she was going in for a kiss. Rick is about six foot threes, so for a kiss to even almost happen, it would have looked like he was leaning in for it. Stubtoe says, let's be glad that didn't happen, otherwise this would have been a whole different update. Do you trust your husband enough that if the situation occurred, would you believe him

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_00] if you said it was a misunderstanding? Obi says, I want to say I do, but given my track record and jump into conclusions, I'm not confident. Lo Child says, you might have to talk to Cass about it, mother to daughter, mainly so she can see that you and Rick are a united front. You've communicated about it, and you are okay, and maybe she'll look for a new friend then. You didn't have to tell Cass specific details, but you could tell her that Tina was inappropriate. Also in how Cass approaches men, Tina might have told her about her adventures. Hmm,

[00:25:14] [SPEAKER_00] I guess she could still be Cass' friend, but there needs to be a talk about boundaries and sexuality. Cass seems to be a little bit forgotten in the situation, and Tina has caused trouble. Cass needs some attention and care. Obi says, I did forget about her a little bit, when she's going to be affected by this as much as anyone else. When she gets home, I plan on having a talk with her. But after that, I'm going to turn this one straight to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_00] Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.