Sister Walked Out On Us 9 YEARS AGO, Now Wants To Build A Relationship

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Substantial by 4881 and it says, Am I the asshole for telling my sister we were strangers after she broke all contact with us?

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00] Now this is a story that's been going on for some time. You may have heard parts of the story in other places as well, but there is a new update to it at the same time. So if you do want to skip certain parts of the story, timestamps are down in the description with the updates timecoded, etc. Totally up to you. Now let's crack on with it. Apologies in advance if this post seems disorganized. My head is still reeling from all this.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_00] 9 YEARS AGO, I was 18 then, my older sister eloped with her then boyfriend. Our parents, we're an immigrant family, were vehemently opposed to her relationship. I remember me being okay with it personally. It wasn't my place. She eloped with her boyfriend and cut off all contact with us. My parents were besides themselves. I tried reaching out to her back then on different platforms but was blocked.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00] I even reached out to her best friends and asked them if they could at least let me get in touch with her. They said she didn't even know where she lived now, but she had told them that she was happy. She had also left her workplace. And I was blocked everywhere too. Eventually, we all, me and my parents, came to an unspoken agreement to pretend that she was never here. And I blocked her everywhere too.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00] I remember being extra particular to call regularly when I was in college because I was worried about their state of mind. We're now at a place I can't remember the last time she crossed our minds. Yesterday, my sister knocked on my apartment door. She cried and hugged me when she saw me. I hugged her back initially too. I wasn't really thinking at the time. She was just going on about how much I had changed, how much she had missed me all these years.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00] Eventually, I kind of remembered everything and asked her why she was here and who had given her my address. She said she had swore to all of them that she wouldn't tell. I asked her why didn't she call first since whoever gave my address probably gave my number too. She said she just wanted to see me in person. I told her we'd gotten over her. Why was she here? She said her issue had only been with our parents, not me. I told her about how I'd been blocked too by her when she left. She told me she's sorry she hurt me.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00] But she had wanted a fresh start and told me I was an uncle to a nephew and niece. They weren't there at the time. They were at their father's. They recently divorced. She acted surprised that I wouldn't know. She said she had told someone to tell our parents about them. Maybe it was hearing about the divorce that frustrated me more because if we were going to have gone through all this pain, at least she could have found lasting happiness.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00] I told her that she was a stranger to me now. She said we could have lunch together and she wanted to know all about what I'd been up to. I told her it was best if we continued to have no contact. She didn't act like an older sister when I needed her to and that we were no longer family. We'd mourned her already and now we're strangers. She was tearful. She gave me her address and phone number and left.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00] Last night I spoke to my girlfriend about what had happened. She said she was still my sister and I shouldn't have just turned her away. I told her she didn't know what we'd gone through in the days after she eloped. But I still wanted to know here. Am I the asshole? A commenter says to AP, I have a sister that I've had zero interaction with for more than 30 years. She reached out to me after our mother's death in 2018. We just went on different paths in life.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00] I have zero in common with her other than sharing a bio mother. I wished her well in life but told her no. That ship had sailed. Obviously she threw a fit which just confirmed my no. What your sister did was unfair to you. Makes me wonder if he was controlling her or if this is who she is. Not the asshole. A commenter says not the asshole. You are exactly right in what you said and how you feel about this.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00] The issue here isn't that she only returned because a significant part of her life changed. It wasn't a change of mind or heart. Just circumstances. And she still managed to trample over and ignore any feelings or emotions you may have about her sudden reappearance. Never say never but for now I would definitely continue her life without this person's involvement. And any contact is up to you and no one else. The commenter says not the asshole. She broke all contact with you for nearly a decade.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00] She treated you as if you were disposable. There is no relationship to salvage. She doesn't get to unilaterally decide to pick you up again just because it works for her. I'm guessing she's decided now is a good time because she's getting divorced and in essence needs something, time, attention, connection from you. Ask yourself if she weren't getting divorced would she have reached out? You need to figure out who shared your address with her.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00] Hopey replies saying I hadn't thought of this and I've been feeling sick thinking this might be true since I read this. That she wouldn't have ever reached out if she hadn't gotten divorced. Would have been fine without ever seeing me again. Although she didn't ask for anything material during our interaction I guess. She wanted lunch. She thought after nine years of almost forgetting I had a sister, I'd be okay with lunch.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter says keep in mind that she might have cut you off because she was scared you would tell your parents anything she told you. Hopey replies saying no. We'd covered for each other so often when I was young. She'd covered for me too. There was stuff that I could only tell her. That could not have been a real fear. I'd even told her friends that I wouldn't tell our parents but at least ask her to meet up with me.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry if I sound pointed but I haven't had to remember all the BS I went through in the aftermath of her elopement in a while and it's just crazy how she just ditched us all. I don't think I can see her. I've been thinking about it but meeting her just means everything she put us through was fine. I remember how I felt at that time and I can't let it go. A commenter says to OP. OP, I wonder if her boyfriend turned husband made her block you all. Could it be that getting away from him might be why she was able to reach out?

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00] OP says I don't know. Back then she would vouch for him a lot in front of our parents who really thought he was bad news. So I don't know. She seemed like it was all of her own volition. Commenter says absolutely not the arsehole. When will people start accepting the consequences to their actions? And why do other people think they can tell you how you should have responded to her? Your girlfriend should have kept her mouth shut and just held you and let you talk and been there for you. I wouldn't tell your parents you saw her either.

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00] That's a band-aid you don't want to rip off. OP says I won't be telling my parents. If she reached out to me she can reach out to them the same way. Though she told me she won't be doing it. She'd only reached out to me. Commenter says not the arsehole but that's a tough situation to be in. Just out of curiosity. Why didn't the family accept their then boyfriend? Cultural? Religious? Age? OP says they just didn't think he'd be a good partner I think. She'd be vouching for him and they, particularly my mum,

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00] would be telling her that essentially he's only interested in sex to put it crudely. There may have been other subconscious reasons possibly I don't know but at least when they talked about it they would only bring up that it was bad news and they were looking out for her. Commenter says what is it that you want to achieve? This is crucial to answering the question. OP says I don't know. I really had it internalized that I'd never see her again. I remember the hurt I'd felt at the time.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_00] I don't want to lose my headspace and I don't want to act like everything I went through was okay. That it shouldn't have any meaning or consequences. And of course I want her and her kids to be safe and happy too. And one more commenter says to OP, did she even apologize or did she do the classic? It's such a long time ago you should be over it by now move. If there's no sincerity, there's no trust that she won't ghost you again. She owes you a full and frank conversation about what happened,

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00] her actions, her motivations and why she continued to block you. Without that, you really have nothing to work with. Good luck. OP says she did apologize. She said she was sorry that she had to cut me off. That she never meant for us to lose touch. Her beef was with our parents only. I brought up that she blocked me everywhere. And she was just sobbing and apologizing. I also remember me begging her best friend for info and them saying they had no idea. Which I've always suspected was them lying because she asked them to.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00] So it was four days after all that went down that OP came in with a first update. And said hi. Thanks a lot to everyone for the support in my post. And to those who reached out for support. I'd been emotionally drained almost after meeting my sister. Like I said, I'd made my peace. After a lot of hurt and futile hope that I would never see her again. She had my number. And I hadn't blocked the new number of hers. I thought about it and received advice too. But I just didn't. It slipped from my mind.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00] She asked me on Tuesday how I was doing. And asked if we could meet on Wednesday. She really wanted me to meet her kids. I was really conflicted. I didn't want to oblige her. But I decided to say yes to at least meet them. I went to her apartment yesterday. And met my niece and nephew. My niece had recently turned nine. And my nephew is six. They're great kids. And I really enjoyed seeing them. I remember feeling a certain way when my sister was introducing me. And she told him that the way he's my niece's younger brother.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00] Similarly, her younger brother. We talked a bit and started talking about stories from us growing up. I hadn't and still haven't said everything's okay between us. But our stories and conversation went smoothly. I learned that after she eloped and got married. She had moved in with her husband into his place in a town a few hours away from us. At around 2019, they had moved to a city we were currently in. According to her, she didn't know all this time that I later moved here for work after college too.

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00] I told her about what I'd been up to all these years. My college, my job, my girlfriend, etc. After that, the kids were in their room and my sister brought up as all doing something again over the weekend. I told her we weren't okay. She can't expect me to forget everything. She said she was sorry that her moving out had nothing to do with me. That she missed me. I was angry at the fact that she had no idea the pain I'd gone through. Both personally and then having to be the crutch for my parents' pain. I told her I didn't believe her.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_00] And that she would have been perfectly fine with never seeing me again if she hadn't gotten divorced. That I could have been dead and she probably wouldn't have broken a sweat upon learning it since she was so blissed out from her domestic life. I know it was ugly. I've never said anything like this but in that moment, I just wanted her to feel some kind of hurt of the kind that she'd given me. She broke down and said I can hate her if I want to. Just not hate her forever. There has to be a limit.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00] I regretted saying what I said when I saw her crying so I just sat next to her and asked about why they're divorced. She told me that their life had been going alright for the first few years. She said she even sent word for a mutual when the kids were born. Which either the mutual messed up or my sister did because we never heard about it. She said when COVID happened, her marriage became hell for her. That it uncovered a side of her ex she never knew. She became abusive. Had disdain for their son.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00] Revealed he used to record every single conversation of theirs. Had convinced her she was crazy and a bad wife and mother. That she stuck with him because of the kids until she had enough. That a very good neighbor of theirs whom she'd become friends with gave her a lot of support and even helped line her up with her job. During all this she even blamed our parents for her sticking with the marriage for so long and for not reaching out. I told her they had literally pleaded with her not to do this. I was there. I was 18, not 8.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00] She said they told her she was dead to them. If she ran off with him. And so she blamed them for not being able to leave him. I told her that was insane logic. And she just didn't want to talk about them. And asked me not to tell them about her. I said yeah her relationship with them is her own. I also asked her who had given her my address. She begged me not to ask her that. That they hadn't given her easily. She'd had to swear secrecy. And cry and convince them that I'd want to see my older sister. So I dropped it.

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_00] We had tea and snacks after that. And she asked me again if I wanted to do anything this weekend. Since she has the kids. Or we could do something the weekend after just the two of us. I said I don't know. She was okay with that answer. She was tearful again when I was leaving. We hugged and I hugged the kids goodbye too. My mind has been a mess since then. I lashed out and everything. But also regret what I said. But then I also tried to remember how I felt back then. And then get angry again.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00] It was so weird knowing that she's now 20 minutes away from me. And we can visit whenever. I told my girlfriend about all this. She said she supports me no matter what. But in her opinion to consider the weekend plan with a cool mind. This got long. I apologize. But I've been trying to collect my own thoughts on this. And writing this just seemed to help. Thanks for the help. So again there were some comments below this advising OP. The first one said. Don't let her push you into immediately pretending everything is fine.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00] And going back to how things were. She still isn't taking responsibility for the harm she did. You didn't mention she ever apologized for ghosting you. She's blaming your parents for her choices. She needs to admit she did this to herself and to you. Well that hurt and resentment is never going away. If she won't tell you who gave her your address. She has no interest in what you want. Only what she wants and she will manipulate you. And them again and again to get what she wants. Another commenter says.

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly why block you at all if she didn't feel you didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't really seem to recognize the hurt she dealt you. Nor is she really willing to acknowledge how much she screwed up. And continues to blame your parents for everything. Frankly it's immature of her on all fronts. Also she keeps pressuring you to meet up with her this weekend. Which shows she doesn't respect your needs for space or time. She's just going to keep on boundary stomping into your life. With a surface level of apologies. And assume it should all be good.

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_00] Also introducing the kids right away is a manipulation tactic. So you can't be as honest and frank as you would have been. If they weren't around. She definitely seems to be me me me. I don't really see how reconnecting with her now. Would really benefit your life. She's pretty much a stranger. Commodore says it really rubs me the wrong way. That the first thing she wants is meeting her kids. And pushing for a relationship. Which to me seems pretty manipulative to be honest. Just baiting you to be in contact.

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00] Also that wouldn't have happened if she didn't get divorced. She says her leaving had nothing to do with you. But blocked you and never bothered again to stay in touch. I'd be very careful and hit the brakes. She's moving way too fast and shows no accountability. That's not how it works. Another commenter says not the arsehole. It is understandable that your feelings are somewhat conflicted. Where your sister is concerned. The pain she put you and your parents through. Not to mention you needing to clean up after a disappearance.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00] Is very hard to get past and forgive. What I noticed is she was eager for you to meet her kids. And offer to do something together with the kids. I'd also swear she's looking for a free babysitter. Whatever you decide. Move slowly and carefully. She's broken all trust and faith. Should you decide to let her into your life. Go one step at a time. And be mindful of ulterior motives. Good luck. And another commenter says. I'm glad you and your sister talked. I'm late to the party. But I was in a similar boat recently.

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_00] And my sister is now married to a woman. So good luck OP. That's a great moment too. Just at least tear out one another. On what's happened. One another's view. That doesn't mean you're forced to do anything. But at least you have the ability to decide. If this is something you could pursue. My sister came from a DV relationship. And so did I. The fact that we're both still alive. And able to talk about our shitty parents. Is a huge support beam in my system. Still recovering and so am I. But we have one another. And she had an awesome wife.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_00] Just take some time off the internet. And enjoy a day where you relax. Go out for a nice coffee and lunch. Maybe to the park. All on your own and just stink. Allow yourself to cry in your car. Talk to yourself. A you day with self care. Or maybe a day in a cuddled up with warm pillows. Creating your drawing. But I really recommend getting out of the house. Off the internet. Dopamine media detox for a day basically. And let yourself feel and think. And Opie responded saying. I'm going to try and clear my mind. Thanks. I've been thinking this again and again.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] That I should do what makes me happy. And maybe that is being able to reconnect with her and her kids. And I think that's letting her off too easy. I was in pain back then trying to reach out. What about that? It's been emotionally taxing. Your advice about taking some time off is good. But then Opie comes in with another update. And says hi. I've been getting a lot of moral support and advice. From a lot of people here. Which I appreciate. A few people had asked about how things have gone. So I told my sister. I couldn't spend Thanksgiving weekend with her.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00] Partly because. Maybe I still wasn't in the right headspace for something like that. And also because. I had to go to my parents for that weekend. And normally when I go there. I usually end up staying over for the entire weekend. She said okay. Asked me not to tell them that she was back in my life. And I said fine. It wasn't my place. And besides my parents had come to terms with her absence a while back. It was a bit surreal for sure to be with my parents. And have this secret with me. We were spending the weekend like a complete family. While my sister was at her apartment knowing that this was weird.

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00] When I was back she asked if I wanted to hang out next weekend. The one that just passed. Her kids would be with their dad. So the two of us could hang out. I know what a lot of commenters had said. I appreciate all their advice. But I tried to clear my head. And my girlfriend had just told me to do whatever makes me happy. I did think about it. And I honestly decided that hanging out with her on a Saturday. Would make me happier than not doing it. It wasn't about her. It was for myself. So I went to her apartment on Saturday. She asked me how our parents were doing.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00] And I said they were doing well now. Since she was the one who mentioned them. I asked her if she wanted to reconnect with them. It might be better for both her and maybe them. But she said no. And just repeated that line about them saying she was dead to them. It was clearly something said in the heat of the moment. But I didn't push her on it again. We just went to the mall. Bought some clothes. Then had dinner at her place and watched the movie. It was a light hangout in general. The conversation flowed smoothly. It obviously wasn't like it used to be.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00] Partly because I still keep thinking about how I felt when she left us. About how I had to support our parents emotionally in the aftermath. And partly because she has changed a bit. But she is a lot more anxious and nervous now than I remember her. But in general it was a chill hangout. I did bring up. I'd like to know who gave her my address at this point. I didn't regret that they had given it to her. But still. They shouldn't do that. She got defensive and begged me not to ask her. That they hadn't just given it easily.

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_00] She had to plead and cry and promise that she'd take a rejection if that's what I did. And that she had sworn secrecy. So again I dropped it. It's whatever I guess. I left and we said we'll meet up again soon. I received a lot of comments saying I was stupid. That I had no self esteem. That I was being used. I just would like you to understand that this isn't an abstract concept for me. Like it might be for you. This is my sister. The same sister who I grew up with. Who helped me with school projects.

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_00] And helped me out in a ton of ways when I was growing up. And yes the same sister who ghosted us for 9 years. I'm still angry about that. But like I said. I'm only doing what I want for myself. Not out of some guilt now. And look so far I'm down a subway's fares worth of dollars to visit her. And a few hours at the mall. I'm fine with that loss. If after all this she ups and ghosts me again in the future for whatever reason. I've made my peace with that. And may we all get what we deserve in that case. Thank you for the help.

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00] Which brings us to OP's latest update. Which started off. A few people had asked how things were going. I'd taken a bit of a break because it's just complicated. And I felt asking others input was hurting more than helping. My sister and her kids and I had been meeting up whenever we could find time. And it was enriching. Like I liked that we were spending time regardless of a lot of feedback saying I was being had. Went to my parents for Christmas and New Year's holidays. During that period there had been a couple of gatherings with the entire family.

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_00] Uncles and aunts and cousins. It was in those gatherings I guess that I contextualized the extent to which my sister's actions had affected our family. All the other families were four. Four siblings and kids. Some of them were their spouses and young kids of their own. Arse was torn. And the entire extended family would still walk on eggshells sometimes. None of my cousins had to listen to their mum cry about their estranged sister while in college studying for exams and midterms and whatnot.

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_00] I also realized I had been lying by admission to my parents about something huge. The whereabouts of their daughter whom they still love and worry about. My relationship with them is the one that has sustained and withstood. So a couple of weeks ago I told my sister as much. That asking me to keep a secret like this wasn't fair.

[00:22:07] [SPEAKER_00] I was kind about it.

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_00] I do hope we can come to a resolution on her end and the kids get to be close to their uncle and their grandparents. And the commenter on the back of that one said your sister is selfish and put you in an impossible situation. She wants a relationship after what she did but is still on her terms. She doesn't get to dictate anything after what she did to you and your family. That was all blown up in her face. She's happy to let you back in her life. Ask her if she was still with her husband. Would she even bother trying to connect with you? I seriously doubt it OP.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says your sister is putting you in the middle. She wanted you to keep it a secret from your parents that you and her were in contact. Yet she won't reveal who told her your address. Why is she protecting this other person but doesn't appreciate the position you're in? Especially if your parents did find out that you've been meeting with her and their grandchildren. She doesn't seem to understand the emotional distress she's putting you under and appeared flippant when you mentioned that she had also blocked you all those years ago. Sounds like a one-sided relationship to me.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_00] There's still too much unresolved hurt and emotions going on here. Maybe a little break might help you clear your head a little and help you decide what part you want to play in this whole mess. Good luck. Another commenter says I'm glad your sister is safe but it's really not fair for her to put your relationship with your parents in danger. Are you going to tell your parents that you heard from her? OP says no I won't. I won't take that decision from her. That's her call. If that's why she didn't contact me once all this time it's unbelievable that she thought I would have.

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_00] Commenter says Your sister just doesn't want to be held accountable for her poor decisions so she doesn't want to face your parents. She's now trying to use her kids to coerce you into having a relationship with her when you aren't the one with the problem. It's her. She's not changed no matter how much she cries. She will always choose to blame your parents for her poor choices. Commenter says at this point OP I'll tell your parents she reached out and that you've seen her. If and when they ever find out they will be so so hurt with you that you kept it from them.

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_00] As you said you need to prioritize your relationship with your parents. Your sister has misplaced anger and I hope she finds peace someday. Now I'm probably going to take some heat on this one as I can see the comments are a very one way on this post but as always you know I never think I'm 100% right. I just say what I'm feeling at the particular moment when I'm reading it but I personally feel like the comments were particularly harsh on the sister here. There's some absolute valid points throughout but look

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_00] and before anyone jumps down my throat on it I think OP's feelings are 100% valid. Absolutely. They have every right to be hurt. I'd be hurt too if one of my brothers you know left me for nine years. I'd be devastated. Nine years of silence being blocked everywhere having to emotionally support your grieving parents while dealing with their own pain. It's huge and I don't want to diminish that for a second what OP is going through

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_00] although they sound hugely emotionally intelligent. But just back on the parents for a minute because you know saying I know things get said in the heat of the moment or I know that kind of stuff but saying to your child you're dead to us if you leave with him. Looking at that as parenting it's just shocking for me especially when you knew the boyfriend is bad news. That's the exact moment where it says in all kinds of situations

[00:26:05] [SPEAKER_00] where you need to keep the door open. Initially telling her we think you're making a mistake we're worried about you we love you but we'll be here when you need us but instead that's not what happened and it left her with no escape route when it sounded like she needed it. And yes I get she made her choices but she's 18 years old and that's your kid. You know she was young she was in love and her parents made it basically choose between them and him forever and she ends up trapped with him who eventually becomes abusive

[00:26:34] [SPEAKER_00] isolating her recording her conversations and gaslighting her into thinking she's crazy herself. Now again does that excuse her blocking OP? No of course OP didn't deserve that and she knows as much. And I just found it really sad all around. Just hurt people hurting other people and no one knows how to stop this cycle. And I just genuinely hope they all find a way to heal from this because sister deserves better, OP deserves better

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_00] but now I'm gonna turn it to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Do you agree with the commenters? Do you have a different opinion on the matter? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now this one's coming from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from Carol Cheetah who says Am I the Arsehole for not allowing my sister-in-law's husband to stay in the bridal suite while we were getting ready.

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_00] On my wedding day we rented a hotel suite in the city. I paid for hair and makeup for all my bridesmaids and as a courtesy I also paid for my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. I'm not close to my sister-in-law but she's very close to my husband so I included her. On the morning of the wedding my mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived late because my sister-in-law and her husband had been on a beach trip. When they arrived my sister-in-law brought her husband into the suite with his clothes to get ready for the wedding later.

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00] Which surprised me because she didn't mention anything about bringing him with her. All three of them sat on the couch and her husband stayed there on his phone. I texted my husband asking if he was supposed to stay and get dressed there. He didn't know either. I told him this was meant to be a women-only space since all of us were wearing robes that opened easily and her underwear was visible. I asked my husband to tell his sister that her husband could wait in the hotel lobby but she refused and was also against the idea

[00:28:30] [SPEAKER_00] of him driving back alone to our house to get ready with my husband and groomsmen because she didn't want to risk him getting lost since he's from another country. He's from Puerto Rico. We're from the Dominican Republic and he has traveled around the Dominican Republic many times on his own. She got upset and tried to leave but the hair and makeup artist convinced her to come back since it was already paid for. She got her hair and makeup done and all three of them left anyway and waited in the lobby.

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_00] They even ended up getting dressed in the lobby bathroom even though my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were allowed to stay in the suite if they wanted to. My mother told me privately that she thought it was rude to bring a man into a room where only women were getting ready. So am I the arsehole for not allowing him to stay there? Was I being inflexible? She was clearly very upset about the whole thing and I understand maybe she didn't want to have him sit alone for hours in the lobby while we're getting ready but I didn't know what else to do.

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_00] I couldn't help but immediately think from his point of view like he just sat there on his phone while women in robes are milling about getting their hair and makeup done. You know, I was getting second-hand embarrassment just thinking about it. Like even if his wife dragged him there without warning at some point you'd think his discomfort radar would ping and he'd be like you know, this is too fucking awkward. I gotta get out of here. But nope. Sat out vibing on the couch with his phone out

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_00] with women in various states of undress I assume. And I think there was only two options there. Either he has like zero social awareness or he's just like so conflict-averse that he'd rather deal with this peak awkwardness than just saying no, I've got to get out of here. Solna says, um, no, not the arsehole. A husband is an adult, right? I think he can entertain himself for a few hours. Bar, take a walk, Uber to wherever your husband is.

[00:30:24] [SPEAKER_00] Plus he's from Puerto Rico, not Mars. I'm also sure he can function reasonably well in many, many, many places. Opie says I forgot to add my brothers and the maid of honor's husband were also at the hotel lobby dropping some things off for us and offered to hang out with him. And it seems like that wasn't even an option for her. I don't know why. Opie says, you know you're not the arsehole. For fuck's sake, what kind of barn-raised clod thinks it's okay for an uninvited person,

[00:30:52] [SPEAKER_00] much less a nearly random man, to be in the room where the ladies are getting dressed? Get your head straight, hon. This was the first skirmish for control and they already got you questioning if the service you paid for was exclusionary for kicking a dude out of the women's changing space. Opie says I'm always walking on eggshells around his family because they get easily offended. And this was another one of those situations where I was like, what did I do now? And Big Mac says not the arsehole.

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_00] And anyone who disagrees is an absolute selfish moron. And that's across all cultures too. So this isn't a cultural thing. A bunch of women getting ready in states of undress in their underwear isn't a place a man would be welcome in any circumstance, much less a man most of them barely know. You were right to kick him out and your sister-in-law should be horribly embarrassed for trying to get him to stay. It's almost so obvious that he shouldn't be there that you wonder if there was some ulterior motive.

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_00] Did she want to make you uncomfortable? Did she want her husband to see other half-naked women? Why did she need him there instead of the lobby? There has to be a reason. Baby says, you know what makes this even more weird? A few hours after they left, she asked my husband how much longer we were going to take because he needed to use the bathroom. There's bathrooms in the lobby, but he specifically needed to use the one in the suite on the 22nd floor. What the fuck?

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_00] Man, that is absolutely wild. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:32:44] [SPEAKER_01] Take care and much love. Let's go.