She Said It Was Just A Crush - Her Personal Trainer Showed Me Otherwise

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well, you bloody cheeky so and so. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00] My 38 male, wife 38 female, admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What's the next step? We've been together for 15 years, married for 10. In that time she's always done something fitness wise, be it running or the gym or cycling. About a year ago she decided she wanted to be stronger. She started doing weights at the gym and she was getting there but around four months ago,

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00] she said she needed some guidance and started doing sessions with one of the gym's personal trainers. She was really enjoying it and about a month ago upped it from two sessions a week to three. There has been a notable change in her strength and I was happy for her as she seemed really proud of herself. Then this weekend she dropped a bombshell on me. I noticed our sex life had pretty much come to a stop a couple of months ago. I spoke to her about it and she said she was sorry. It was just a

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00] stress of starting a new job mixed with the cold weather and she just wasn't in the mood. I thought that was fair enough and I'd leave it and let her lead the pace when she was ready to again. Well, this weekend she told me that she had developed a very intense crush on her personal trainer and that while she knows crushes happen in relationships, this feels like it's more.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00] She said she finds herself constantly seeking his attention, either at the gym or on social media. She started tagging him in all her posts but I just assumed it was more of a giving credit thing. Then she admitted she started wearing less and less at the gym to get his attention, which is something I hadn't noticed as she always takes a gym bag with her and gets changed there.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00] She admitted that the last few times we had sex, she fantasized that it was him and that's why she stopped having sex as she felt too guilty. Probably the worst thing she told me that was a few days ago she saw him having a personal session with someone else, a younger woman more his age and saw them laughing together and she got that jealous and upset she had to leave the gym and go cry in her car.

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_00] She said he has done nothing to encourage this and he has been nothing but professional through all of this and he is not at fault. I don't know what to do. I'm crushed. Do I just sit back and wait for the crush to stop? Do I demand she changes gym and blocks this guy? We've all had crushes in relationships and eventually they go but I feel like this one won't. She's being alone with him three times a week and follows him on all her social media accounts.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00] I feel like distance is how you get over this but I don't want to come across as controlling. What do you think? She doesn't want to change anything and thinks it will just go away on its own. TLDR, my wife has a crush on her personal trainer and we're struggling to deal with it. An edit. Thank you for all the replies. There's too many to keep up with. I spoke to her last night and got a bit more information and then went and spoke to him and got some more.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00] He's done nothing wrong. I'll post an update after work tonight. Oof. That is absolutely rough and your wife just basically gave you a full confession that she's emotionally cheating even if it is just one-sided. And it felt in some ways she was almost like asking for permission to continue doing this. I mean look at it. She's actively trying to seduce him by you know dressing provocatively which she admitted to.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00] She's constantly seeking that attention from him via social media and at the gym. She's fantasized about him during sex with you. Gee bloody whiz. She went out to her car crying because she was jealous of him talking to another woman. And she's cut off intimacy with you because of guilt. And in the end she said she doesn't want to change anything. And I guess there is the option for couples counseling if she would go down that path.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00] But the fact that she doesn't want to change anything is really worrying. But I have to say for myself in this I'm not sure I would be able to look past it. And I only say that from myself like trying to hear what Opie's just heard. How do you unhear all of that? How do you be intimate with someone knowing she was literally imagining him instead of you? She told you that. How do you watch her get ready for the gym without wondering if she's still dressing to impress someone?

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm sure people can and do move past that kind of thing. But what sealed it for me is that she doesn't want to do anything about it. You know it seems like she's feeling guilty about it but still doesn't want to do anything about it. It's messed up in my opinion. A powerful goose says crying in a car because he talked to another client. That sounds like a lot more than just a crush. Spacenail says sounds like r slash limerence. When a crush crosses over into unhealthy obsession territory.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00] It usually isn't about the person. It's about a coping mechanism in order to fill a deficit. So to speak. In your own life through someone else. Opie says agreed. It sounds like she's developed feelings for him. Atlas says I think you're missing the point some people are making. It's not that she's developed deeper feelings. It's that she's developed an unhealthy obsession with someone she actually doesn't know. So crying in the car when you see someone doing their job. But someone else isn't healthy.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00] This point is not so much she's really in love. This point is wow her mental health is really low. You don't want to be controlling but you can sit down together and talk. And you can ask her if she's willing to prioritize your marriage by one. Changing gyms. And two. Going to therapy. Then it's her choice. And yours. Whether you're willing to forgive and help each other work through this. Richie says if I'm being honest.

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_00] I only ever find this problem of people when they intentionally fly too close to the sun. Her problem wasn't necessarily the crush. It was that she actively and willingly fed into it. Most sane people that care for their marriages and relationships will immediately see the problem. And try to move as far from it as possible. That's the impasse. You either dump the cold water on it. Or you add accelerant. She didn't. She made every attempt. Pulled every stop. To make it more than a crush.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00] And failed the wife test. That's a scary thought. There's so many people out there that turn down a flirt. Or a romantic gesture out of respect for their partners. Yeah. She needs therapy. And you need to re-evaluate your marriage. Because she's hanging on by a thread. The mockingbird says this isn't a crush. Best case scenario. It's a one-sided emotional affair. Her crying over him talking to someone else shows that. As is her seeking out his attention online and in person.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00] None of this is normal or okay. She doesn't want to change anything because she thinks it will just go away on its own. My guy, she cried because he talked to another girl. This isn't some benign crush. She's going out of her way to get his attention online and in person with revealing clothes. She's already shown she's incapable of separating her feelings. You shouldn't ask her to quit seeing the trainer or to go no contact. If she was remorseful, she'd do it on her own. Opie says,

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_00] I agree with you. And she's refusing couples counseling. I don't know what to do next. I think the mental health comments were a good shout at the same time as well. Because people pointed out crying in the car. Because he laughed with another client. And the inability to stop seeking his attention. And liking all the social media posts, etc. You know, it's creeping towards obsessive behavior, right? If we're not already there.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00] But as always with stories like this, mental health struggles can explain the behavior without excusing it. And if she's not going to do anything about it. Not going to get therapy or anything like that. And says she doesn't want to change it. It's giving you very little choice in the end, right? But Opie does come in with that update and says, So I spoke to my wife the night after my original post. I said she needs to leave her personal trainer. Quit that gym. And we need to start going to couples counseling.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00] She wasn't happy. And started arguing saying it's only a crush. And it'll pass. And she's making good progress. And then she started to frame it as me not caring about her health. Once she realized I wasn't budging. She started trying to bargain me with saying that. If she stopped seeing the personal trainer. Could she still go to the gym? And if she started having sex with me again. We don't need couples counseling. I lost my temper at this point. And I admit and shouted. Enough. I want to know everything. Tell me everything you've done.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00] I want to read your messages with him. I want to see these outfits you were wearing. I need to know everything now. She said fine. And stormed off upstairs. She came back down wearing an outfit. That was a bit much to be fair for the gym. In a cold country. But I didn't say anything and asked to see her phone. She said she deleted the messages. When I asked her why she was honest. And said she sent him a topless selfie on Christmas day. While I was downstairs cooking the dinner. For her bloody family. She then said that.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] While she's confessing. She also kissed another man. On a night out. In the first year of our relationship. I already knew this. Because a friend who fancied me at the time. Told me about it. I asked her. Why him? And not me. What's he got that I haven't? She said nothing. And it was more about the situation than him. She said she's starting to feel regret. And like she's missed out on her youth. She had her boyfriend from school to her early 20s. Was single for a year. And then met me.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00] She said she started to regret not having more fun. And she started to enjoy attention from other men more and more. Especially younger men. When she was telling me originally. She said a couple of times. I'm not planning on doing anything. It's just a fantasy. Unless you want me to do something. With a nervous laughter. And at the time. It felt a bit like she wanted to do something. But was trying to frame it as my idea. But I never really clicked properly. I asked her. If when she told me she was expecting me to give her permission.

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00] And she said she genuinely thought. Because I don't get jealous. I'd be okay with it. I still feel like I wasn't being given everything though. The outfit and the kiss confession felt like distractions. And something was missing. Even telling me about all this in the first place. Felt a bit like she was trying to get a story in. Before someone else told me. I said I'm going for a drive. And then went to the gym to speak to a personal trainer. I approached him and said I'm not here for trouble. I understand my wife has been harassing you.

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_00] He wasn't happy being approached this way. Which I get. But he asked me who my wife was. When I told him he said. He knew something like this was going to happen. He told me he hadn't trained her since Christmas. As he let her go. After she had been sending pictures. Plural. Not just the one she told me about. He said since then. She had kept messaging. But he ignored her. He let me read the messages. And she had sent 12 pictures. Over a three month period. One was fully naked.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00] And when he told her to not send them. She said she was just showing her progress. The worst part though. Was she was messaging him stuff like. We had another argument. Could really do with another session. To burn off some anger. And he's out drinking with his friends again. Ignoring me. I'm so lonely. Neither of which are true. And then she told him mid-December. That she had kicked me out. And we're divorcing. With a Christmas Day picture. She even said. First Christmas alone. And just last week. She messaged him saying.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00] I was already seeing someone else. I thanked him. And asked him. To send me them. And went home. When I got home. The last couple of days. And have a marriage counselor book. For next week. But I think it's done. I'm not even that bothered. About the pictures. Or the flirting. Or the outfit. The lying about me. And our marital status. I don't drink. And we haven't argued in years. I'm downstairs. Entertaining her family.

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_00] While she's sending nudes. She's never sent me one. And telling him. She's alone. I'm working all this weekend. To try and keep my mind busy. Sorry if I didn't reply quick enough. And thank you to everyone. Who took time to read. And reply to my last post. TLDR. It was a lot worse. Than she originally let on. And edit. Thank you for all the replies. I really do appreciate it. There's been so many. I can't keep up. Thank you to the people. Who have DM'd me as well.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_00] I really appreciate it. I've decided not to bother. With marriage counseling. And just start divorce proceedings this week. Life really can turn upside in a week. I never thought I'd be single again. But here we are. Ify Piers says. This was well beyond a crush. This was her actively trying to cheat. If he had been willing. She absolutely would have slept with him. Opie says. I 100% agree. The new butt says. What actually bothers me. On top of everything else. Is that she sexually harassed a man. Trying to do his job.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00] And didn't stop when he told her to. Cheating aside. That kind of behavior. Makes my stomach drop. Opie says. Yeah. I genuinely feel for him. He was put in an awkward spot. The king in my mind says. You know. When you have to explain. That you're getting a divorce. And if you feel like embarrassing. Your soon to be ex. You can explain to her family and friends. The part about your wife stalking. And harassing her former trainer. And him having to let her go. Of course. It might be a good idea. To do this anyway. Since. More of the truth you get out there.

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00] The less room she has to slander you. No contest says. All things considered. Personal trainer. Is quite a decent guy. They could have been humping like rabbits. If you was receptive of your wife's action. Opie said. Yeah. He was a good guy to me. He sent over 20 screenshots. Wallaby in training says. She sexually harassed a professional. Who only tried to do his job. She lied about you drinking. About you being verbally aggressive. She even divorced you in her mind. And her messages. Just to appear more available.

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00] She cheated. Mentally. She already divorced you. Reverse the genders. A married man. Lying about his wife being horrible. About her being a drunk. Well. She actually doesn't even drink. Sending dick pics to his younger female trainer. While his wife is cooking for his family. Claiming to be divorced and lonely. Claiming his wife argues constantly with him. Continuing to send inappropriate messages. After being told to stop. Imagine the wife in that story. Is a friend. Or your sister. What would you tell them?

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_00] You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve love. Respect. You deserve to be wanted. Right now. You need to make that appointment with a very good divorce attorney. Even if you eventually decide not to divorce her. You need to know your options now. Though I hope you see divorce is really the only option. And please go into individual therapy. Not couples counseling. You're the victim of abuse. You're going through heartbreak. And you've been betrayed. That's not something you should handle alone. Do you exercise?

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_00] You might want to consider hitting the gym. Not to harass a personal trainer. But training releases endorphins. Happy hormone. And you can use all the endorphin you can produce. It helps bounce back from shit like this eventually. Also after a disinterest. It may take you some time before you feel desirable again. Working out can help that. Things will get better. Five years from now you'll look back and be happy to be rid of her. You might still mourn the loss of the wife you thought you had. But that was a lie. The truth is.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_00] She doesn't deserve you. A throwaway account says. Give her the divorce she fantasized about giving you. Better luck next time. No brainer. If you don't have kids. And one more commenter from Wishing for a rainy day who says. Wait. Your wife started arguing with you about leaving her personal trainer. But he'd already fired her as a client. She was arguing to get to stay just to keep harassing him. She's a troubled person. Please protect yourself. Opie says.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00] As soon as she said she stopped going to him. But still used the gym. It flicked an alarm in my head that something wasn't right. Bloody hell. That went from bad to absolutely awful didn't it? It wasn't just a crush in the end. It was the full on harassment. While she was destroying your reputation. To make herself appear available. 12 pictures over 3 months. Lying that you're drunk and then argues constantly. Claiming that she kicked you out and divorced you. And then sending nudes on Christmas day.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00] While you're cooking for her family. That absolutely boils my piss. And of course. People were still mentioning. The mental health side of things. And you know. That can absolutely be true as well. But at this point. It doesn't even matter. For Opie. She's lied to him constantly. While trying to pursue another man. And someone who won't stop. When she was told no. Someone who sexually harasses people. Just trying to do their job. I personally believe Opie's making 100% the right call.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00] Skipping the counseling. And going straight for divorce. But at the same time. I really do hope. The Opie does look after himself. It must knock you sideways. To. For all this to come out. And like Opie said. In the space of a week. But what do you guys make. Of this situation. Let us know your thoughts. Down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. So our next story comes from the. Am I overreacting subreddit.

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_00] From icy macaron 2318. And it says. Am I overreacting for still being upset. My girlfriend met up with her ex. I 25 female. And my girlfriend Claire 27 female. Have been dating for two years. She told me a bit about her past relationships. But never really delved into it. Because she didn't like talking about the past. One thing she told me about. Was an ex she had called Kate. Kate and my girlfriend.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_00] Were long time best friends. They were friends for about six years. Before they got together. Claire told me how. Kate saved her from an abusive relationship. Where her ex almost killed her. And that she owed her a debt. And that she didn't know how to repay. Because of it. Kate and Claire were engaged quickly. After officially dating. It ended up not working out. As they weren't compatible. And they ended up having a massive fight. And never spoke again. This happened about eight months. Before me and Claire met.

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00] About six months ago. Claire got a message from Kate. Kate apologized for all the awful stuff. She said. And asked if they could meet up. I was there. And saw the messages. As Claire showed me. She was so angry and sad. She told me how she does not know. If she could forgive Kate. Claire is the most kind person I know. She would never hurt anyone. And could practically forgive you. For just about anything. It's just how she is. She asked me. What I think she should do.

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00] And I told her. To do what's best for her. I wanted to tell her to block Kate. But I didn't. She agonized over it for weeks. Eventually she told me. That she's going to meet up with Kate. She said it was so. She could close that chapter of her life. And gain closure. And that the debt. She owed Kate. Would be repaid. She said. They had been best friends. For a long time. Before they dated. And while she missed her best friend. She wasn't going to allow them. Back into her life. I was uneasy. And asked if she was sure.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] And she could tell. I was feeling weird. And asked. If it would make me feel better. If I came with her. She asked. If she should not go. And I said. She should go. And I told her. I didn't want to come with her. But it'd make me feel better. If someone did. So. She took her brother. She went. And kept me updated. The entire time. When I'd message her. She responded right away. She reassured me. And then after it was over. Filled me in on everything. They talked about. When she told me. I didn't realize. How much of it upset me. That she met up with her ex.

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_00] Until after. I told her. I was really upset. That she went through. With meeting up with her ex. And that I don't understand. Why she did that. She asked me. Why I didn't tell her. It upset me. And I told her. That any reasonable person. Would be upset. With their girlfriend. Meeting up with her ex. It's disrespectful. And you clearly. Don't care about me. If you think. I'd be okay with it. She got upset. And said. I should have communicated better. And that. She couldn't undo. Meeting up with her ex. And she showed me. She blocked her. After meeting up.

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_00] I was still upset. So I told a few. Work friends. About what happened. And they all agreed with me. That it was disrespectful. But we eventually. Moved past it. Six months later. It came up again. With my work friends. When they asked. How our relationship is going. And they said. They couldn't believe. I'd stay with Claire. After she met up. With her ex. And they would have dumped her. It upset me. All over again. So when I got home. I called. And told Claire. That there was some. Unresolved feelings. About that situation. And I just. Word vomited out.

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_00] How I resent her. For doing that. And that everyone. Thinks I should dump her. And I would never do. Something so disrespectful. And that she doesn't care. About our relationship. If she did that. And I don't know. If I can forgive her. She didn't say anything. And hung up. After I was done. And texted me. Saying that. She'll give me space. And to let her know. What I wanted to do. About our relationship. I messaged back. Saying. I feel she should be. Trying harder. To save our relationship. And this just proves. My point. That she doesn't care. And she just said. She's here.

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_00] When I want to talk properly. So. Am I overreacting? I feel like. I've missed parts of this story. Like. Because it just sounds like. She just destroyed. Her own relationship. It sounded like. Claire did everything right. She was transparent. About. What was going on. Spoke to OP. Asked. What should I do in this situation? Kept you updated. In real time. Brought her brother. As a chaperone. Like you asked. Blocked Kate. Immediately after. And it sounded like. She gave you. Every opportunity.

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_00] To talk about. Your concerns beforehand. She. Again. She literally asked you. If you wanted to come along. And if she should even go. You said. It's up to you. Do what's best for you. You gave her the green light. Then you bottled up your feelings. And then ambushed her afterwards. Six months after. With resentment. After your so-called mates. Work colleagues. Mates. Wound you up about it. And then you come in with. Wanting her to chase you around. To save the relationship.

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_00] That's not how that works. Commodore says. You are overreacting. Massively. Your co-workers too. Are stoking your overreaction. Here's the thing. When something happens. Between partners. You both have to be able. To move past it. Otherwise. You're going to have to. Litigate it. Forever. And that's not healthy. It means that. Any conflict between you. Could be brought back. To light at any time. Which means that. Whoever was in the wrong. In any given instance. Is going to have to worry. That the incident. May be brought up.

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_00] Any amount of time later. Claire is right. That you fail to communicate clearly. And you. Guilting her about meeting with Kate. After the fact. Puts you clearly in the wrong. You can't control that. You feel resentment. Of course. But you can control. What you do with that feeling. And you did pretty much. The worst possible thing. Which is vented at Claire. Also you yelling at her. And then telling her. She should be trying harder. To save the relationship. Is juvenile. And immature. You should break up.

[00:23:58] [SPEAKER_00] But for Claire's sake. Not yours. Kellick says. I mean. To be fair. You did say she should go. If you knew it was going to upset you. Then maybe you should have said no. She reassured you. And everything. I'm just a little confused. On what you may be upset about. I'd assume. You feel like she'll get back with her. Opie responded saying. I know she won't get back to her. I think it's more that she did it. In the first place. I know. I said she should go. But she didn't even think about. Not going.

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_00] Or how that would affect our relationship. If the tables were turned. I wouldn't have even thought about going. And would have just blocked them. Opie when asked about the co-workers. Opie says. I told my co-workers. A few of them. That I was very close with. And they knew about me. And Claire dating. They saw I was down. And so. I told them the truth. I wanted to be okay. With Claire meeting up with her ex. But I don't understand. How she doesn't see a problem. Of even going in the first place. Though. Opie did come in with an update. And said. I got a load of comments.

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_00] Saying I was overreacting. About the issue. With my girlfriend Claire. I read every comment. And waited until I calmed down. To talk to Claire. She came over yesterday. And we talked it out. She said she understood. Where I was coming from. But that she couldn't undo. What she did. And that I needed to decide. Whether or not. I could live with the choice she made. She said she loved me. But she said she was exhausted. From having to explain her point of view. In different ways. And me. Not accepting it. We talked some more. More about our relationship. And expectations.

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_00] I asked if she'd be willing to change her number. So her ex could not reach out again. She adamantly said no. And that she's had this number her whole life. And that changing it. Would be too much of an inconvenience. She again showed me she blocked her ex. I agreed with her. That it would be a hassle. But I said that if she wanted to rebuild trust with me. That's what I wanted her to think about doing. And she said she would think about it. The conversation after that. Ended up being me more talking at her. And she was just nodding along.

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_00] In the end I asked if she had something to add. And she said she just needs to think. But nothing to add at the moment. I asked if we were okay. And she said yes. Everything seemed good. We resolved everything. I was happy that we talked it out. And she seemed happy. I'm in a barely used group chat with all of our friends. Plus Claire. No one really talks. Except to share photos of their babies. Slash partner. Another one made plans. I wrote in the group chat. That whilst Claire was making dinner. And took a picture of Claire.

[00:26:25] [SPEAKER_00] And just said that it was sweet. She was making dinner. And that we're doing so well. And I'm so happy. I made a joke in the group chat. That even if Claire cheated on me. With her ex. That I would miss her cooking. And would probably win the friends. In the divorce. I told Claire what I wrote. And she shut down. And I told her. It was a silly joke. And tried explaining. But she still wouldn't talk to me. She cooked. And we ate in silence. I asked if we're okay again. And she said yes.

[00:26:54] [SPEAKER_00] She then made up a very obvious lie to leave. She said she forgot that she had stuff to do tomorrow. And that was easier from her house. I texted her after she left. Saying she didn't have to lie to me. And she said she's not lying. That she actually has stuff to do. And she's sorry for leaving. This is all to say. That this morning. She broke up with me. Everyone who was saying. That she would dump me. Was right. She said that I needed more. Than she could give me. And that we weren't compatible. I asked if we could call about it. And she said sure.

[00:27:24] [SPEAKER_00] We spoke on the phone for an hour. I told her. I wouldn't make her change her phone number. And that I trust her completely. It was just hurt. And it was just a joke. To lighten the mood. And I love her. She just kept saying the same thing. And that we aren't compatible. And that I'll find someone. Who will match what I need. But I don't want to find anyone else. Or go on dates again. I wanted to be with her. I asked her to think about it some more. Before making a decision. And she said that she doesn't need to. And that she hopes I find what I'm looking for.

[00:27:53] [SPEAKER_00] I reached out to a few of her friends. From the group chat. And told them what happened. And asked if we could stay friends. Claire messaged me. Saying she hasn't even had a chance. To tell her friends yet. And if I could give her 10 minutes. To tell them. I told her who I message. Is none of her concern anymore. Out of the 6 friends I messaged. Only one has replied. Saying that they would be happy. To stay friends. Claire blocked me after my last message. But maybe it's for the best. I wanted to update. Because I was wondering. If what I said in the group chat was okay. Some of my friends said.

[00:28:22] [SPEAKER_00] That the message I sent. Came off like a threat. And I told them that Claire found it funny. But now I'm wondering. If maybe she overreacted to my joke. Did I overreact by what I did. After she broke up with me. So the top comment on this one said. Why the fuck. Would you joke about her cheating. In a group chat with her and her friends. I would never cheat on my partner. But if he joked about me cheating. In our group chat. I'd feel disgusted. And humiliated. And it'd take an awful lot. To reconcile that. If she did anything.

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_00] Yes that's bad. And mean. You shouldn't have got back together. But humiliating her deliberately. In a group chat. When you didn't think she had cheated. Is actually revolting. Very gross treatment towards a partner. You're wanting to make things better with. To be clear. Cheating is worse. But you didn't think she had. So why make the joke. Actually fucking nuts. Edit. I genuinely can't believe. You think breaking up with you. Is an overreaction. I'd break up with you too. Because you can't see your faults. I won't be replying to you by the way.

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_00] If you're not going to try and understand. Why that's an incredibly hurtful thing to do. Yuck. Edit. Read the previous post. Definitely overreacting there. Screams insecurity too. Which is fine by itself. But you made it other people's problem. Opie did reply to that. Saying I've said a similar joke in the past to Claire. And she laughed. I thought that because of similar jokes. We had resolved everything. She would see the funny side. I didn't realize how much it would hurt her. The similar joke I made before to her. Was that if she cheated on me. I would take the house.

[00:29:51] [SPEAKER_00] Which she found funny. As she doesn't own her place. She laughed then about it. She knows I don't think she would actually cheat on me. But our friends have similar humor to us. So I thought it would lighten the mood. After the serious conversation we had. I never realized how much it would hurt her. Or make it seem to her friends. Professional Cat says and replies. What kind of sadistic mentality. Do you have to have to joke about cheating? Also you tried to make her change her number. That level of control is absolutely insane.

[00:30:21] [SPEAKER_00] Now this might be a hot take. But I am getting massively controlling vibes in this situation. Because let's face it. Claire didn't overreact to your joke. She just finally had enough. You said she laughed at these things. But I think it was more like a what the fuck kind of laugh than anything. Because the group chat message wasn't lightening the mood. It was publicly humiliating her in front of her mutual friends. While you was passive aggressively threatening her. With the line I'd probably win in the divorce.

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_00] And you said in the later on that you've made a similar joke like this before to her. That you'd get the house as a joke as well apparently. And then after she dumped you. You immediately run to her friends. Before she can even tell them herself. Which to me just felt like you was trying to control the narrative in this. It felt very manipulative. That's just my take on that. But breaking it down. Claire handled the meeting with her ex. With transparency from the very start. Like we said before. You was telling her one thing.

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_00] But then you're punishing her for not somehow reading your mind. Six months later you've suddenly wound yourself up with your mates about the situation. You're demanding her to fight harder when she's done nothing wrong. Then you try to make her change her phone number. Again controlling behavior. When she's already said that she's blocked her. Showing you she's blocked her. Then you publicly humiliated her with a joke about cheating. And the house thing that you said in the past. And when she finally ended it. You jumped to her friends.

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_00] Which to me felt like you was trying to control something. I think in the end Claire spotted a pattern here. And was like nah fuck this I'm out. And the worrying thing is. Is that Opie couldn't see that they were doing wrong in this situation. They just thought it was you know everyone else. And I really hope that you do some self-reflection. Before you move on to your next relationship. Because holy shit. But what do you guys make of this situation? Maybe you got a completely different take on the matter.

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. It's absolutely amazing. Thank you. And I will see you in the next one. Take care. And much love. Take care.

[00:32:38] Take care.