She Left Me For A Co-Worker, Then Used Our Embryo Without Consent

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from Throwaway Holding Hands, which you may recognize the user. The story's been around for a while, but now there is a new one year update attached to it. So as always, if you want to skip certain parts of the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you so much. And let's crack on with it. Much love guys.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00] It's titled, My 40 Male Wife 36 Female Was Seen Holding Hands With Another Man. My wife 36 female and I 40 male have been together five years and got married last year. We definitely have our ups and downs, but we're generally happy. On Friday, she went out with people from her work for Christmas drinks and arrived home around midnight absolutely hammered. She just said she had a good time and went straight to bed. Yesterday, I got a message on Instagram.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00] Instagram from an anonymous account claiming to be one of her colleagues saying she'd been flirting all night with one of the guys from the office, 44 male, and they'd left together at about nine to walk to the train station. The colleague had a couple more drinks and went to the station herself and says she saw my wife walking hand in hand with the guy through the station at about 10.45. They didn't see her. Last night, I showed her the message and asked her for an explanation.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00] She claimed she claimed she was so drunk she doesn't remember anything that happened after about 8 p.m. I asked if she went somewhere with the guy after they left the group and she checked the location history on her phone, which confirmed they'd gone to a bar near the station for about an hour. They arrived at the station at 10.40. She gave me a phone and insisted I check it and there was no suspicious messages or anything.

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00] As far as I could tell, she doesn't have the guy's number in her phone and they're not following each other on Instagram or friends on Facebook. I asked if she was flirting with him and she admitted that she was talking mostly to him all night, but that's just because he's the only person in her office she has anything in common with and that they're just friends and it wasn't flirting. She's mentioned this guy to me before and said how much they have in common. I asked if they were holding hands and she says she doesn't remember, but she doesn't think so.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00] She claims to know who sent me the message and says it's a woman in the office who hates her, although she doesn't know why. Today, she's been in a terrible mood and we've not really spoken. So that's where we are. I'm not sure what to do. Is this as big a red flag as it seems to be? And seeing as we've been through these bits before, I'm not going to go over all the comments again. Just a quick overview.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00] And the top commenters on that one were basically saying, yeah, this is red flags and you should be concerned by the behavior that's going on. So Opie came in nine days later with their first update and says a few people requested an update to my last post and a lot has happened in the last week. So here it is. I'll post any further updates on my profile. To LDR, my wife Sam got drunk on a work night out and she was seen holding hands with a guy from her office.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00] Sam came home from work on Monday and casually said that she had spoken with the guy, Tom, and he'd confirmed that they hadn't held hands. They'd just been walking arm in arm because she was drunk and wearing heels. I asked why her colleague, Helen, would make an Instagram account, track me down and message me saying they held hands if it wasn't true. She said Helen is basically in love with Tom and made a pass at him just after his divorce, but he rejected her. I asked why Helen would feel threatened by her.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00] She said because her and Tom are friends and Helen's a crazy jealous bitch as evidenced by the Instagram message. I asked why she went for a drink, just her and Tom. She said that according to Tom, they walked past this bar with an amazing live band playing so they stopped in for a drink. Her only regret was doing too many shots too early and getting shitfaced. The next day, she went shopping after work and came home with a new dress. I asked what the occasion was and she said her work Christmas party.

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00] Last week was just drinks with people from her office. The company Christmas party is on Friday. Apparently, she had mentioned this. I hardly slept that night. The next day, I decided to reply to the Instagram message to get some more info. I asked, do you think anything's going on with them? Helen, I assume, quickly replied with a long message saying that they flirt at work and everyone's noticed. Apparently, Sam was going to be let go, but Tom put in a good word so she kept her job.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00] Tom protects her in the office and will constantly defend her. She also said that Sam bitches about me to the whole office and it's clear we don't have a happy marriage. I asked if she was going to the Christmas party and she said she was. She said she'd update me if anything happened. Sam finished work early on Friday so she had time to get ready. She looked amazing and I really didn't want her to go, but I felt like I couldn't say anything.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00] I got an Instagram message about midnight saying that Sam and Tom hadn't interacted at the party, but that people from the office had decided to leave and go to a different bar. They all left just before 11 and were at a new bar by 10 past. Sam and Tom turned up just before midnight. Sam arrived home at about 2pm, not quite as drunk as last time, and went straight to sleep. I pretended to be fast asleep. I looked at the location history on her phone.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00] After leaving the venue, she had taken a three-mile detour to a residential street, stayed for half an hour, then gone to the bar. I sent the address to Helen. She didn't reply until the next morning when she said it was Tom's house. When Sam woke up, I just asked her straight out if she had cheated on me with Tom last night. She angrily denied it. I told her that I knew she had been to Tom's house. She accused me of spying on her, called me controlling, said she was going to stay with her sister.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00] I demanded an explanation, and she said she went to his house so they could smoke a joint before heading to the bar. Then, she stormed out. She wouldn't reply to my messages or answer my calls all day Sunday. I called her sister who said she hadn't seen her, but she texted me later that she had spoken to Sam and she was okay. Sam came home yesterday morning. I asked where she had been, and she just said she couldn't do this anymore and wants a divorce.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00] She went to start packing some clothes while I tried to get her to talk to me. They asked if she was leaving me for Tom. She once again denied anything inappropriate had happened between them, but said my jealousy was the final straw. It's clear. I don't trust her. I'm controlling. I take her for granted. She's deeply unhappy. Has been for a while. So, she's gone. It looks like I'll be spending my first Christmas alone. I have no idea if she was willing to tell the truth or if it was an affair.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00] Weirdly, I'm not feeling too bad today, so maybe this is for the best. So, it was 20 days after that, OP came in with what was titled a final update, but it's not. It started, Once she was gone, Sam blocked me on all her social media and refused to return my messages or answer my calls. I ended up traveling to the other side of the country to spend Christmas with my parents. On Christmas Eve, Sam came home and took more of her stuff. I watched her on our security cameras.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00] I tried phoning her, but she ignored my calls. Christmas wasn't great and my parents were both shocked and in denial about what had happened. I had no idea we were having issues and insisted Sam would come to her senses and come home. Eventually, I just said she'd met someone else. I returned home on the 27th. I'd been getting sporadic updates from Sam's sister, just letting me know she's alright, but without any details. Before all this happened, we had made plans to spend New Year's Eve at Sam's favorite bar in the city.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] I went on my own, but she didn't show up. On Tuesday night, I received an Instagram message from Helen saying that Sam and Tom had arrived at work together in Tom's car. I didn't bother replying. On Wednesday night, she sent another message saying Sam was poisoning the office against her and that Tom was pushing upper management to transfer her to another office or get rid of her. She begged me to do something. I texted Sam and said we needed to talk, but she didn't reply.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00] So, the next day, I called her Work Switchboard, gave a fake name and got put through. I could tell she wasn't happy to hear my voice, but she agreed to meet up after work at a local pub and talk. I got there early and she arrived 25 minutes late. She apologized for ignoring my calls and said she still cares about me and wants to end things on good terms. I said, just tell me the truth. She promised that she wasn't having an affair with Tom and they were just friends.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00] She admitted that they talk a lot in the office, but insisted it wasn't an emotional affair. She understands why I was suspicious after the Instagram message, but said I should have accepted her denial and trusted her. She has a lot of male friends, but she felt like she couldn't hang out with them because I'd get jealous. I pointed out that I'd never told her not to hang out with anyone, but she said I'd be in a mood whenever she'd hang out with a guy friend. She feels like we only got married to try and fix a relationship that was already broken.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00] Our conversations have devolved into small talk and we've drifted apart. I said I'd heard that she and Tom arrived at work together. Sam said she went to Tom's after I accused her of cheating and knew it was over between us. They spent the weekend together and agreed that they'd make a better couple than we did. She needed me to know that nothing happened between them until after she told me she wanted a divorce. And now they were together. And she wanted me to hear it from her before I saw it on social media.

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00] Tom was waiting outside for her in the car. All I could do was stand up and walk out. Sam texts me saying she knew I was upset, but not to do anything stupid. I blocked her number. Not gonna lie, it was a rough night. The next day, I was just numb. Didn't really do much. Over the weekend, I dug out on marriage certificates so I can start divorce proceedings. I have no idea what to say to Helen, so I haven't replied. I think the plan now is to try and find a new job closer to my hometown.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00] I moved across the country to live with Sam and I've never really felt settled here. I also don't want to run into her and Tom around town. Luckily, we rent. This will probably be my last update unless something miraculous happens, so thanks for reading. So, again, Opie came in with another post four months after that last update. That was titled, What are the potential consequences of IVF fraud?

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_00] And said, My soon-to-be ex-wife is pregnant and has suggested to a friend that it's mine. The only way this is possible is if she had our final frozen embryo implanted without my permission. If that's what she's done, then either the IVF clinic haven't asked for my sign-up or she's somehow convinced them that I've granted permission. When I left our shed house in January, I couldn't find my passport so it's likely she has it. I'm waiting for a call back from the clinic but I'm freaking out and want to get an idea of the potential consequences.

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00] Could she get sent to prison? What will happen to the clinic? What happens when the baby arrives considering the circumstances? We're in England. Thanks. Edit and I've finally spoken to the clinic manager and it seems this is all down to my own stupidity. When our last embryo didn't take, we signed all the paperwork a few weeks later to do the final transfer. My wife then developed some hormonal issues so we paused the process until she could get it sorted out. Then for various reasons, we decided not to proceed with the transfer which she told the clinic.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00] Apparently, they just paused the process for up to three years in order to protect our deposit and the consent forms remained valid. My wife had the transfer six weeks ago. So, it was four months after that last update again, the OP came in with another one that was titled I'm 41 male about to move back in with my pregnant ex-wife, 37 female. How can we make this work? It says,

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00] My ex-wife is pregnant with our first child due on Christmas Eve. There's more detail in my profile but essentially we broke up last Christmas and I moved back in with my parents 200 plus miles away. She started a relationship with a co-worker which caused so much drama at her work that in February she reached a mutual agreement that she would immediately resign in exchange for six months' salary. The relationship ended and she used the settlement money to restart the IVF process who had paused years earlier. When I found out that she was pregnant,

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00] I contacted the IVF clinic who explained that the contracts we had signed at the start of the process were still valid and they hadn't done anything wrong. I disagreed and thanks to the advice and recommendations of r slash legal advice UK, I heard solicitors specializing in clinical negligence and contract law. They managed to negotiate a settlement with the clinic in lieu of legal action. My ex and I ended up with about 80k each after fees.

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00] Plus, the clinic updated their processes to require consent to be reconfirmed by both parties before any embryo transfer takes place. For the last four months, I've been in regular contact with my ex, discussing settlement negotiations and traveling down south for scans. When I asked why she did it, she just said that she knew this was the last chance to have a baby and when she came into some money, she took it as a sign that she should go ahead with the embryo transfer before I remembered to withdraw consent.

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_00] She's since been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which in her mind has absolved her of any responsibility for her actions. She's desperate for us to get back together and raise our son as a family. I'm not interested in being a couple, but I obviously don't want to be 200 miles away from my son. I've got a new job, so I really don't want to move back down to Hampshire. But she was willing to move up to Yorkshire as long as we live together, so we agreed to spend the settlement money on a house in my hometown.

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_00] I picked up the keys last week and I've been furnishing and decorating in preparation for us moving in next week. Max has no friends or family around here and no job. Us living together is going to be super awkward, but once the baby comes, I'm hoping we can get into a co-parenting routine. The new house has three bedrooms, so we'll have one each and one for our son. We've agreed not to see other people for at least three years, per request. What's the best way to navigate this situation?

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_00] We're both very excited to be parents, and I hope I'm making the best of a shitty situation, but it's obviously fraught with potential pitfalls. I don't see us rekindling a romantic relationship, but in an ideal world, we'll live together for a few years and sell the house, by which point she'll be settled here and we can live close to each other and co-parent our son. I hope I'm not being unbelievably naive and making a huge mistake. My parents are excited to be grandparents, but they're not keen on the idea of us living together.

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_00] You can imagine what the comments were like on the back of this one. The top commenter basically parroting what OP said at the end there, saying that you are being unbelievably naive and making a huge mistake. Apparently, you've also lost your mind. Whilst others are saying, you know, it's not a mistake to want to co-parent, but to buy a house together, not agree to see other people for three years. Your ex has been proven to be a manipulative liar, and you think that you're going to have a peaceful three years with this person?

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_00] And it was my thought, you know, as soon as OP got to that, I hope I'm not being unbelievably naive and just think it. You absolutely are, because everything you said so far is wild. And this kind of behavior from her isn't going to change anytime soon. I mean, if anything, it's escalated all the way through this. But OP comes in again three months later with an update on that, saying to say my last post got a negative response would be an understatement. It was a strange feeling reading all the replies,

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_00] saying what a mistake I was making after putting in so much thought and spending lots of time and effort to get where I was. Someone sent me a link to a TikTok of my previous posts. Hearing the worst time of my life being read out loud really affected me and brought out a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. It made me realize that I hadn't even began to process what had happened last Christmas, or why, and I contacted a therapist the next day. Sam moved in the day before my first appointment.

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_00] It was awkward, but she was busy organizing a new room, so I just left her to it. That night we ordered pizza and watched a movie. It was nice. I met the therapist the next day and explained the situation. He thought the whole thing was a bad idea, but as we're now living together, he agreed to help us navigate things as smoothly as possible. He thought couples therapy would be the best option. Sam and I have seen him every week since then, and have gone through our entire relationship.

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00] After four miscarriages, the last two at 12 plus weeks, absolutely wrecked Sam's mental health. I started cooling on the idea of continuing to try for a child. Instead of talking to Sam, she so desperately wanted to be a mom, I thought it would break her. I just pulled away from her. Of course she noticed and blamed herself and began spiraling. Couple this with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and the hormone issues which resulted from the IVF, and it was a recipe for disaster. Sam thought,

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_00] possibly correctly, that I wanted out of the relationship, but was too cowardly to come out and say it. So I just checked out and waited for her to get sick of me. The whole Tom situation was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she gave up fighting for our marriage and let me get out guilt-free. In therapy, I've learned to accept my responsibility for the breakup of our marriage. I wasn't a good husband towards the end, and it's a miracle Sam stuck around as long as she did. The time apart made me realize how much I still love her.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00] We've agreed to try and embrace what's happened and be thankful it brought us to where we are now. Hopefully, we've both learned lessons that will make our relationship stronger. I know I have. So, we're now back living as a couple. I cancelled the divorce, which was taking ages as Sam refused to engage with it. Our son was born December 11th, two weeks earlier than expected, and he's absolutely perfect. I'm holding him as I write this. I know a lot of people who read my previous post

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_00] will be disappointed with how I've handled this, but at the end of the day, we've only got one chance at life, and I honestly can't think of a better way to spend mine. Thanks for all your advice over the past year, and Merry Christmas. So, five months after this one, Opie comes in again with a post that's titled, Can I Take My Son Out of the Country Without His Mother's Express Permission? In England, Opie says, My wife gave birth to our son in December. She suffers from untreated bipolar disorder, and after Christmas,

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_00] she developed severe PPD. We'd agree that she'd go and stay with her mom for a weekend, as she was spiraling and needed a break. She never came back, and we're no longer in direct contact. Her last conversation was over a month ago, and it didn't go well. She apparently has no interest in being in our son's life, or even getting updates on him. As far as I know, she's still living with her mom 200 plus miles away. I've been offered a secondment at my company's Swedish office, covering maternity leave for a year. I want to take it,

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00] but I don't want to tell my wife, as she would likely try to throw a spanner in the works. I have my son's passport and original birth certificate. Can I just go without telling her? We also own our house together, which I'd like to rent out while I'm away. If she turns up out of the blue and finds someone else living here, could she do anything? There's no mortgage, and all the bills are in my name, but she's on the deeds. To be clear, if she ever decides to unblock me, and wants to see our son, of course we'd come back. I'm not looking to take him away from her forever,

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00] but I think this would be good for us. And then the next update came a year after the last one, and says, it's been almost two years since my original post. Written in a panic after I received an anonymous Instagram message saying my wife had been seen holding hands with another man. It's been a crazy couple of years, which I've documented on this random Reddit profile, mainly due to the lack of people in my real life to discuss this with.

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_00] This will be my last post on this account. I want to thank everyone who gave me advice over the years, even when it was obvious I wasn't going to listen to it. I still get messages asking for updates, so here's the final one. There's no point going into all the gory details, but needless to say, most of you were right, that Sam and I getting back together would be a disaster. We had a couple of months with a new baby and a new house, but things started to go downhill fast in the new year,

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_00] and Sam's mental health fell off a cliff once I went back to work. She ended up going to stay with her mum for a week and never came back. We had a big argument on FaceTime, and then she stopped all contact and blocked me everywhere. Luckily, my parents are retired and stepped in to watch the baby while I was at work. I soon started working from home, which helped. A few months after Sam left, my boss asked if I'd be interested in a secondment to accompany Swedish office to cover maternity leave for a year.

[00:21:39] [SPEAKER_00] As Sam was refusing to speak to me, I was just going to accept the job and move to Sweden without telling her. Thankfully, Reddit gave me a lot of good advice about what a bad idea that would be. I reached out to Sam's uncle on Facebook, and he gave me her mum's number. She was pleased to hear from me, and filled me on just how bad Sam's mental health had become, culminating in a manic episode that led to us spending two weeks at an inpatient facility. I explained my side of the story, and a few weeks later, she'd managed to convince Sam to meet with me.

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_00] So I drove down with our son. It was the first time Sam had seen either of us in about four months, and for the first time since we got together, I didn't feel any love for her. I didn't feel anything except resentment, not even pity, and she was acting as pitiful as possible. Her refusal to interact with our son made my blood boil, but I put all that to one side and we finally had a conversation. I won't go into too much detail, but Sam is now on medication which is making a big difference.

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_00] She doesn't feel ready to be a mother and doesn't know if she ever will. Her behavior over the past few years have been down to her mental health. She feels like she needs to travel in order to fully recover. We agreed that I'd take primary custody of our son and move to Sweden with him for at least a year. Sam would sign over her half of the house for 25k and no child support payments. We proceeded with a divorce. I'd set aside an hour each week for Sam to FaceTime our son. As soon as I got back home,

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00] I hired a solicitor to get the ball rolling on the paperwork. Sam signed the child arrangements order making me the resident parent and signed over half of the house. My parents lent me the 25k. I put the house up for rent and took the job in Sweden. My son and I moved to Gothenburg over a month ago. So far, I'm absolutely loving it. Everyone in the office is nice. On weekends, we jump on a tram and explore the city. Gothenburg is beautiful and clean and peaceful

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_00] with lots of culture and events for babies. My parents were happy to have a month in Sweden looking after the baby and decorating the apartment while I was in the office. My son turns one just before Christmas and when I go back to my work in January, he'd be old enough for preschool. I'm working from home for the rest of the year. Sam's currently backpacking in Indonesia. We FaceTime occasionally. Not every week, but apparently the signal over there can be spotty.

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00] When Sam's not available, we FaceTime with her mum. Reading my previous post today makes me cringe. They were written in deep depression that I wasn't even aware of until I was on the other side of it. Sam was my first real relationship. Before we met, my life was miserable. After we got together, my life was perfect for a while or at least so much better it seemed perfect. I didn't want and wasn't expecting to break up. I assume my only two options were being with Sam

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_00] or going back to my terrible single life. And when we first broke up, I moved back in with my parents. It seemed like I was right. I kind of forgot about the bad times and just remembered that perfect first year when we were a new couple. I was miserable and desperately wanted her back. Then suddenly she was back and pregnant with my baby. Even after the whole Tom thing, I thought this was a chance to reset our relationship, start fresh and be happy again. I can now see that I put her on a pedestal

[00:25:03] [SPEAKER_00] throughout our relationship. We were one of those couples who never argued as I'd let her walk all over me and go along with whatever she wanted. I didn't have any real life friends and was always terrified of losing her. Ironically, this walking on eggshells was a big part of why our marriage collapsed in the first place. I let her get away with murder out of fear of being alone. I'm seeing a new therapist and working through the damage these last few years have done. I feel a lot of guilt and regret, but then I look at my son

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_00] and feel guilty for being regretful. It's a mess, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. I started taking Swedish lessons and I'm going to sign up for ice hockey in the new year. I played roller hockey in my youth, to hopefully make some friends. The woman who chose maternity leave I'm covering might not be coming back, so it's possible I'll be able to stay here more than a year, maybe permanently. I want to thank everyone who gave me advice over the years and all the people who called me a doormat or an idiot or hopelessly naive. You were right.

[00:26:02] [SPEAKER_00] Reading back through the thousands of comments over the last few months has actually helped me move forward. So thank you. Bloody hell, what an absolute story and what a time to go through it at the same time. And the final update is the healthiest thing that Opie has written in those two years. He's finally going his own way, stopped making excuses for Sam's behavior and is actually building a life for himself and his son. And it seemed,

[00:26:31] [SPEAKER_00] on top of a whole bunch of other things as well, but the stop being terrified of being alone. You know, Sam was cheating regardless of what was said in the initials. And he took her back after the embryo thing and then agreeing to that batshit living arrangement. And he was so scared of living that air quotes terrible single life that he was accepting literally anything to avoid it. And I think the Sweden move is brilliant because it forced Opie to be independent.

[00:27:01] [SPEAKER_00] No more Sam around in the background wanting to reconcile. No running into a, you know, when you're at the shops or whatever. No manipulation. Just a fresh start where you're getting to build your own life. Which is why, and I know this might sound a bit harsh, Sam abandoning them was probably the best thing that could happen in this situation. Yeah, I know it sounds pretty harsh, but that's the way it kind of felt to me about this. I think all we can say at the very end of this is, you know, wishing Opie

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_00] all the luck with his son, his ice hockey, making friends and building a life for himself because after all that, you deserve it, man. Make 2026 your year. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Absolutely wild one. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00] in the stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. And don't forget at the very end of the video, there'll be a couple of playlists there that you can click on and it will automatically scroll through all those videos for you. And once again, thank you so much. I'll see you in the next one. Take care. Much love.