My Sister's Friend Is Trying To HIJACK The Wedding Shower I Planned | r/AmIOvereacting

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the AmIOverreacting subreddit from ThrowawayWeddingDrama who says, AmIOverreacting? Shady bridesmaid hijacked wedding shower.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] Throwaway because I don't want this tied to my main. My sister is getting married and asked me to be her matron of honor, which I was thrilled about. I love my little sister and she was my maid of honor when I got married a few years ago. We talked once or twice. I have a little one at home and she's younger, very social, staying out late type. She's planning a big wedding. Lots of people, lots of moving parts. As matron of honor, I'm expected to lead planning for the bridal

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00] shower and bachelorette party. Since the shower comes first, I asked my sister what vibe she wanted. She said elegant. Perfect. I told her I'll organize with the bridesmaids and report back to her ideas that she can choose from slash approve. I asked her if she had any ideas already and she said no. I wanted to see what we come up with. She said she wanted something that would accommodate a lot of people.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00] I created a group chat with the bridesmaids to start planning. There are three other bridesmaids, two of my sister's childhood friends. I know them. Sweet, collaborative, great people. And one I didn't know. Let's call her Shady. Shady is actually in the main group of friends of my sister's future husband. They included her as a bridesmaid rather than on the groom side for symmetry in the wedding party. But my sister is getting to know her more and she is becoming one of her friends too.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00] We planned an in-person meeting to brainstorm ideas. Everyone showed up on time except Shady. I text and called no answer. After about 30 minutes I suggested we start planning. We started discussing ideas, games and venues. I mentioned that I was thinking of some elegant venues but that they could be pricey.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00] I'm a little bit older and more financially established so I offered to cover the cost of the venue, restaurant, hotel and studio and if the other bridesmaids wanted to focus on games, decor and flowers and theme ideas. They were relieved and agreed since they're still in or just out of college. After 45 minutes Shady shows up and apologizes for being late. We recap everything. She doesn't offer any ideas. She just listens. We all chat a bit, get to know each other and Shady seems friendly, outgoing and pleasant.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00] We end the meeting with the plan that I'll tour venues and update the group chat and everyone else will contribute ideas for games, decor and themes. The following week I took a few days off of work, toured several venues, I took photos and shared them in the group chat. The other bridesmaids responded with comments like how beautiful they were, questions about space and menus etc. They showed pictures of game ideas and themes etc. Shady said nothing.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00] That weekend I went to my sister's place to show her everything in person. She casually mentioned that Shady and her boyfriend had been over earlier that day to spend time with her and a future hubby. Then my sister tells me. Shady had already shown her all the venue photos and ideas from the group chat. She then showed my sister pictures of a friend's large mansion, complete with floor plans and suggested hosting the shower there instead with catering. My sister said she really liked that idea.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00] I told my sister if that's what she wants, I support it. I want her to be happy and have the shower she wants. But I feel like the rug was pulled from under me. I did planning, legwork, touring and shared everything with the group. Shady said nothing in the chat. It went direct to my sister behind the scenes with some other plan that she did not want to share with the bridesmaids group. Was this Shady behavior or am I overreacting? Do I confront Shady or keep quiet to avoid drama during my sister's wedding?

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00] Now, of course, absolutely not overreacting in this situation. That is Shady behavior from Shady. She's turned up late, said nothing, quietly, you know, gathering the information about everything and then pitching it to the bride is like. It just feels like she's she's trying to get status within the group, trying to make herself look the best or whatever. But absolutely alienating herself from everyone else at the same time when this information does come out.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00] Because it's clear that this is dodgy behavior, right? I guess the worry is that if OP confronts this directly, it could come across as like almost territorial. But at the same time, I think, you know, if you have a close relationship with your sister, which she sounds like you do. Have a conversation about exactly what just happened here, because anyone from the outside seeing this, I would think that they think Shady's behavior is dodgy.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00] But a commenter says to OP, I would bring it up in the group chat to let others know the ideas Shady come up with. So all of you are on the same page. My question is being Shady came up with a mansion, does it mean it's free because it's her friend's or will she be covering that expense? OP says it will be free because it's at someone's house. My sister will also likely add this additional person to the guest list if she's hosting the party for the shower. I imagine the bridal party will divide costs for food.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going to make a group chat informing the other bridesmaids of the change. I don't know how to word it without sounding upset right now. The commenter says, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. When you were at the bridal planning, she could not offer up a second person's house without speaking to them first. She absolutely had to confirm that with the person before she made the offer. And then once she got a confirmation that it could be done, she likely told your sister because she knows your sister better. And she spoke to your sister before she spoke to you.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_00] She might be shady, but I don't think it is that deep. The only way you're going to know is if you talk to her. But if you don't talk to her and you just start bailing out of things and shit talking her without finding out what happened, then you're going to be the one who's bringing drama. Opie says, I appreciate you giving a possible way to view this. I'm not the type to burn the house down if something goes wrong. I'm not in any way going to stop being there for my sister or step down from being a maid of honor.

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00] I just think there were many opportunities to say, hey, here's an option. I can check with my friend if it is possible. That would have been great. Combinator says, honestly, leave this one alone and tell your sister that you're leaving the planning of everything else to Shady because of what she did. Let her know you don't have time for this and cut off the drama at the head. So Opie comes in 11 days later with an update that said, somehow things got worse. This is long. Sorry, y'all.

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00] Opie adds a link to the first post and then says, remember when I said I didn't want to cause drama for my sister? I failed. After my sister told me she wanted to go with Shady's mansion shower plan, I decided to be an adult and call Shady directly. She didn't answer. So I sent a polite text saying I had spoken to my sister. She mentioned the mansion idea and I was just confused about how the group chat planning pivoted into a fully formed alternate event. Very calm.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00] Very just trying to understand. She takes back instead of calling. She said she doesn't have a sister of her own and really wants to do this for my sister. Okay. She did not address why she didn't bring this up in the group chat. Then she added that she already has a menu planned. My sister agreed to it. She'd be covering the cost and all the bridesmaids have to do is show up and enjoy. Oh, and she plans to use one of the games we discussed in the group chat. Excuse me?

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00] So now she's throwing the shower, featuring one recycled game from the peasants. I know I'm not paying anything for this, so she's not looking to take advantage of my generosity. I probably shouldn't have, but I responded that this was something I'd really wanted to do for my only sister. And I was disappointed I didn't even get to be a part of it. Then I called my sister to explain the conversation. My sister said yes, she's good with this plan. This is what she wants, and I can just focus on the bachelorette party.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00] If this is what she wants, fine. I will swallow it, but I felt disappointed, replaced, weirdly pushed out. So I sent a neutral message to the group chat saying that Shady would be taking over the shower planning and that it would be at her friend's home. My phone rang immediately. One of the bridesmaids, we call her Sweetie, called me absolutely shocked because she knew how passionate I was about doing this for my sister. I explained what happened.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00] She was upset for me and asked if I wanted her to call Shady and find out why she left us out. And here is where in hindsight punches me in the face. I said sure. Sweetie called Shady. Shady answers. Apparently Sweetie did not love the responses she got. They argue. Shady then calls my sister. My sister then calls me. My sister was upset because there's conflict. I tried calming her down, but I ended up getting upset too and I yelled.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_00] I did apologize, but in that moment I realized my sister just wanted me to quietly make this work and not create waves. And I had just created a tidal wave. How did we get here? Fast forward to this past weekend. We had an unrelated event where all bridesmaids were present, along with family, and I met my sister's future in-laws for the first time. Shady was there. She did not speak to me. Not once. Instead, she stayed glued to my sister's fiancé and his mother.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00] When I met the future mother-in-law, with Shady standing right there, I immediately got the vibe that she was annoyed with me. Kurt, polite, but distant. And I couldn't help but wonder what version of the story had been told on that side. I stayed near my sister the whole event. She seemed happy. Sweetie stuck by us too. But there is now this very obvious divide with Shady. And I feel terrible. I never wanted to make my sister's wedding messy. I just wanted to throw her a beautiful shower.

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_00] Now somehow it feels political. So now I'm asking, did I mishandle this? Is this a pick-your-battle situation? And I picked wrong. Was I reasonably hurt? And this spiraled beyond what I intended. Because right now I feel like I accidentally became the villain. A commenter says to OP, damn that Shady has screwed you over. Sadly, you played right into her hands and now she is the one seen to be doing what the bride wants. And you're the bad guy.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00] To be honest though, as long as your sister is happy, I'd let the drama fade away now. Totally understand why you are hurt though. And I do think you are not the arsehole. OP says, thanks for your response. I think this is probably the best way. I appreciate you saying I'm not the arsehole and understand why I'm hurt. I don't think my sister understands that and maybe that's why this feels unresolved and uncomfortable. And now I've got to interact with Shady for the next few months for wedding activities and act like everything is okay.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00] Someone asks, is there a chance that Shady likes the future brother-in-law and is jealous that he's getting married to OP's sister and then says, no, I don't think so. They've been friends for many years and he was single for a long time before he met my sister. I do think she appreciates his friendship and wants to be involved to a significant degree, but wasn't happy with me being in charge or leading something she wanted control of. Another commenter says, sounds to me like Shady has main character syndrome.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_00] One idea might be for you and sweetie and extra sweetie to just sit tight and be available anytime your sister reaches out. And let Shady do her little show because eventually she's going to slip up and show her arse. If she is the main character type, she's not going to stop trying to take center stage from you. It's going to bleed into other aspects of the wedding and your sister and others will see her as she really is. But realize now that you can't stop it. Based on the dynamics you described, know that you can't protect your sister from her because

[00:12:07] [SPEAKER_00] your sister's still buying into it. And she's just going to have to learn about this girl from her own experiences. So there's no reason getting your sister pissed off at you over it. You've already kind of warned her. Now you can just be there when she needs you. So just give Shady enough rope and she'll eventually hang herself, so to speak. Obviously not literally, it's an old saying. It's going to be hard biting your tongue, but just be there for your sister when she needs you. PSA, this is just one of multiple certain scenarios that could play out.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, this sounds like the route I will go. I just have to accept what happened and just be polite when I see Shady. I don't like that my sister's future mother-in-law has a negative impression of me. Shady is such an arse. Commander says, your sister is an arsehole and owes you an apology for allowing this friend to treat you so badly. Hope you tell your sister that if she thinks her friend of more of a sister to her, then you'll be stepping back. Your sister is in the wrong here. Not only her shitty friend.

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, I didn't really think about this perspective. She really is dismissing my feelings about what happened. I'm not going to step down from being her maid of honor. I love her and will give her grace about this. There might be more going on behind the scenes than I know. I know Shady brought this up when spending time with my sister and my future brother-in-law. I could see my future brother-in-law possibly pushing for this if he thought it was a good idea too. As he is pretty opinionated. This is just speculation though.

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_00] OP then responded to a longer thread about avoiding more conflicts and the idea of stepping down as the maid of honor because her sister is disregarding her. And OP says, I didn't think about that but yes, my sister disregarding my feelings about what happened. That does hurt. I'm going to give her grace about this as wedding planning is very stressful and overwhelming. OP also gives thoughts on Shady trying to be maid of honor basically. And OP says, I would have preferred Shady to take over the bachelorette party than the shower.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_00] With her little one at home, I've gotten protective over my sleep and I'm not into staying out all night as I used to be. But I will make it everything my sister wants and drink coffee or an energy drink or whatever I need to do to keep up with my sister and her friends. Another one says, is Shady a family member or related to anyone else in the family? OP simply says, no. I'm definitely with that commenter of just, you know, let Shady do her own thing. She's going to be main character and like the commenter was saying, you know, sister's buying into it now.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_00] So you just have to let Shady do her thing. Otherwise, it's just going to cause more drama in the end, which, you know, as you said, you got a kid. You don't need that stress in your life right now. Of course, it absolutely hurts and I'm 100% with you and you're still absolutely not overreacting in the situation. I think you're being treated pretty poorly. But what do you guys make of this situation? We'll certainly keep an eye out for that bachelorette update, which is bound to come at some point. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00] Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Calamity Jesse and there is a trigger warning on it of sexual harassment. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. And it says, I feel like my 24 female boyfriend, 27 male humiliated me, but he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Okay.

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00] So me and my boyfriend have been together now for a little over a year. We have some small differences, but honestly, we have it good and I'm very comfortable. The biggest difference we have is sex. I firmly believe in not having penetrative sex before marriage. I told this to him straight up on like our third date before anything got too serious. And I'm posting here instead of change my view. So I don't want anyone to try and tell me I'm wrong for this or anything. I don't want a religious or philosophical debate.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_00] Anyway, he sometimes pressures me about it and teases me. But it's usually all lighthearted and fun. I'm very sexually inexperienced and don't really watch any porn, but he's been very calm and helpful with me. It hasn't been a problem at all or even come up how innocent I am. Fast forward to the other day, he convinced me to go shopping for toys. We went to an adult store and when we got there, he started acting very strange.

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_00] He was pulling out all the most extreme toys and clothes and showed me extreme looking videos. It was making me all very uncomfortable. The worker who was helping us in the beginning was also sort of joining in with him. Well, I confronted him about the teasing and the reason why we were there. And I found out the worker was a friend of his and they were working together to tease me. Well, I'd already had a stressful enough week as it is and I just lost it and started crying because I felt so embarrassed.

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_00] I ended up taking the bus home since he drove us and was upset at him. When we got home, I gave him the cold shoulder for a little bit, but that night I brought it up to him. I told him I felt humiliated and he said that he did nothing wrong. He said it was just a joke and that I shouldn't take these things so seriously. I'd be willing to let it go if he just apologized, but he didn't. Today, he came to me and said that his friends also thought I was being too serious and I just got even more embarrassed because he told all of his friends about us going to the sex shop.

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_00] I just don't know what to do. My emotions are a mess. I don't want to be the happy girlfriend that always makes things uncool, but I just know deep down that how he acted about this was totally unacceptable. Is it stupid of me to wonder if we should even still be together? He didn't just embarrass her in this. He actually planned it and he got someone else to help him with it too. He walked her into this knowing what was coming.

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_00] He also knew this was going to be overwhelming for Opie at the same time and then had the absolute audacity to get his friends involved and who knows what he said to them about this. Let's face it. It's not a prank. It's not a joke. Opie was not laughing. He knew exactly what he was trying to do by pressuring Opie in this. Opie mentioned near the start of the post that, you know, he pressures her in a lighthearted and jokey way. It's not. This is a pattern. The commenter says to Opie, quoting,

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_00] I'd be willing to let it go if he just apologized, but he didn't. Today he came to me and said that his friends also thought I was being too serious. I just got even more embarrassed because he told all of his friends about us going to the sex shop and then says, yeah, good dating a child. He's 27. Instead of thinking about it from your perspective for a second and doing a little soul searching, he went to his friends who was in on the prank and got an echo of his own sentiment. Then he escalated the situation further by spreading it beyond the three of you. Immaturity I can stand.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00] People grow out of it eventually. Stupidity I cannot. The actual incident was bad enough. Even if there was no malicious intent, it was still cruel and ill thought out. And guess what? He knows this is a sensitive topic. And that's exactly what he chose to attack. To use intimate knowledge of the person you're supposed to care about to target and attack on them is just barbaric. His reaction to the whole thing has been especially atrocious. He seems to have zero idea about how to empathize with other people.

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_00] His attitude seems to be, well, my friends and I think this is objectively funny. So your feelings are invalid. Instead of dealing with this problem between the two of you. Which it is. He decided to seek validation in his other friends. Only increasing the damage. Well, guess what? Your feelings are not invalid. He doesn't get to fucking tell you not to cry when you're upset. Just like he doesn't get to tell you something doesn't make you upset. Anyway, this was a lot more long-winded than I was expecting. But it boils down to this.

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_00] Fuck this guy. Dump him. And then ask him if he still thinks it's funny. Opie responded saying he's the kind of guy who gets defensive easily. But this is our first big fight slash problem. So I never really noticed it before now. Honestly, I think I'll confront him one more time and tell him if he doesn't own up to his actions. I can't be with him anymore. The commenter replies saying you can't help people like that. If they can't ever be wrong, then nobody else can ever be right. Opie says part of me thinks that he wants me to break up with him

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_00] so he can just say, oh, my girlfriend was crazy. Is that paranoid? Another commenter says he invalidates your feelings, jokes about your inexperience with his friends and presses you about your decision to remain a virgin. This isn't someone you want to stay with because he doesn't respect you. Opie says I didn't think about it as disrespect before. That's kind of eye-opening. And another commenter says, Hey, I sell sex toys. This was inconsiderate and not cool. Part of our job is to help people be less nervous,

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_00] not ratchet up their anxiety. Opie comes in nine days later and says, So I got a PM asking me for an update a couple of days ago, but things have only just settled enough for me to post something about this again. A lot of he was saying that this prank he pulled on me was disrespectful and childish and I had to agree. What worried me is that I never saw this side of him before. I mean, we had been dating for a year and this was the first instance of something so cruel.

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_00] Since this was the only time I've seen him like this, I decided to sit down and have a talk with him about it since I'm so uneasy about breaking up with people over something that might have just been a mistake. I did talk an awful lot about how humiliated I felt and how I didn't think he understood. I must have talked for at least 20 minutes about how I was very confused and didn't know why he would do such a thing like that to me. He ended up turning it into a religious debate. He's atheist and I know that,

[00:21:42] [SPEAKER_00] but he also knew that I was a Christian when we started dating. He was just telling me that I should thank him because he was doing me a favor and exposing me to all this sexual imagery and that religion is bad for women anyway because it makes them all submissive. I didn't want to debate religion with him. I really didn't want this incident to become about that, but he wasn't apologizing and he obviously didn't feel bad about it at all. I broke up with him right then and there. If he couldn't respect me and my choices,

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_00] it was a choice to be Christian as my parents are agnostic, then he didn't deserve to be in my life. He flew off the handle after that and he started shouting at me. He told me that this was all my fault because my stupid religion was keeping me from experiencing sex. I kind of get the feeling that this little stunt was supposed to shame me into feeling bad that I'm a virgin. At least that's what he strongly implied. It really just ensured me that I was doing the right thing breaking up with him. He's not very tolerant.

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_00] Unfortunately, we had just started renting an apartment together in April. I keep paying my half of the rent, but I'll probably move back into my parents until the lease is up in September. I still feel embarrassed about the whole thing, though I can't believe I wasted so much time with someone like that. AB Danger quotes OP saying, he was just telling me that I should thank him because he was doing me a favor and exposing me to all this sexual imagery and that religion is bad for women anyway because it makes them more submissive. And then says,

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_00] I'm really happy you never had sex with this asshole. Someone who belittles you for your beliefs, religious or otherwise, does not deserve to be in a relationship with anyone. I'm really sorry, but I'm happy you stood your ground. OP says, one thing I will not tolerate in a relationship is intolerance of beliefs, ironically. Miss Piggy says, just curious, with agnostic parents, how did you decide upon Christianity? OP says,

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_00] The irony of this guy going on about submissiveness when he's trying to control her choices is just freaking peak irony, right? What an absolute asshole. And I'm glad that OP did break up with him because let's face it, he wasn't going to change.

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_00] He would have increased the pressure on her, got more people involved to try and shame her into doing what he wanted. Absolute scumbag. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care.

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_00] And much love.