My MIL Moved In With Us And Then Cut Her Daughter Out Of The Inheritance | r/BestOf

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00] This story comes from oldmemory1603 from the amithearslehere subreddit. And it says amithearslehere for telling my wife to tell her mum to move out of our home after she decided to leave all her inheritance to her brother. Me, 32, wife, 30, brother slash brother-in-law 27, mother-in-law late 50s. My father-in-law recently passed and left a very sizable life insurance policy to his son and wife, mother-in-law.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00] My wife received nothing. We understood this because her brother, 27, is not the brightest and still lives at home. He never goes out and only goes to work and back home to play video games all day. They both recently moved into our home as they were both too distraught to continue living in the home my father-in-law passed in. My father-in-law was truly the only adult in the home and was responsible for taking care of everything.

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00] He even drove my mother-in-law to and from work on a daily basis, a responsibility that has now been passed on to my wife. I have since taken over the estate planning, such as paying bills, swapping over policies, etc. My mother-in-law doesn't speak English and doesn't drive, so as family it was my pleasure to take on this responsibility. After a month and a half I finally settled all the bills, funeral planning, etc. And all the heavy lifting are complete.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00] I do not say it lightly, but without me the family would be lost on what to do. For example, they did not even know where he worked and were surprised to find out he even had a life insurance policy. Both do not have any retirement plans or savings. I suggested a shared bank account for my wife and her mum to put the payout into, where it will accrue interest but also pay off the bills every month. Mother-in-law had no bank account before.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00] It was at this point mother-in-law says she would rather not have her daughter on the account and wants to give her portion of the payout to her son and have him set up with a savings account. She says this because since me and my wife have a home, that'd be better used on her brother. We do have a home, but we are by no means rich. In fact, them moving in would help us out financially as there'd be extra income from them paying rent.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00] I expressed to my wife that leaving everything to him would be incredibly irresponsible because then he'd be left the family home and the payout, but mainly because he cannot do anything for himself and cannot be trusted with the money. I say this because of the things I've learned about him. He does not have a driver's license but drives a car to and from work. Never helped with the estate and something I learned was that he has a large amount of cash in his checking account.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00] He has never had a girlfriend and since I've known him, he has shown no signs of ever wanting to move out. The large bank balance worried me because when I asked him about this, he told me he just had no idea what to do with it and had no concept of retirement planning. Since his parents took care of all the bills and all he did was pay some of the mortgage, go to work and then go home to play video games.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00] My wife was also there when her mum had breast cancer and took her to and from every single appointment to the point of using all the vacation and sick days to help during this time. Her brother is not a bad guy. In fact, he's a great friend, but he just doesn't ever seem like he will grow up to be a responsible person. I told my wife that after agreeing to take them in and have them live with us, that it'd be a slap in the face to be left nothing.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00] So I told her that her mother and brother should move back to their home and use the money from the payout to help them live with the absence of my father-in-law. She was then furious with me and said all I care about is money. Even though I feel that it's not so much about money, but that there is a complete lack of respect for being shown nothing for all the help we have and will be giving. So, Reddit, I'm I, The Yarsol here. Edits. I'd like to add that their plan for their family home would be to rent it out.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00] They purchased it before interest rates went up a few years back and would be set to make 1k cash profit every month from it. 2nd edit. A lot of people are asking, so I'll clear it up. We didn't even know about any life insurance policy when we took them in. It was only after a very extensive digging through his records that I found out there was such a policy. 3rd edit. I'd like to add that my wife thinks that this isn't the right move to leave them to fend for themselves because her brother and mum are not able to communicate effectively if needed.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00] She only speaks Spanish and he only speaks English, but does understand Spanish and can say simple words like yes or no in Spanish. So, he would be unable to have in-depth conversations about any planning. That is where I've been serving as a bridge, albeit without any input from the brother, as he has not been involved with any planning as it doesn't seem too important to him. 4th edits.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00] There's a whole lot of strangeness in this one that I was absolutely finding. 5th edit. Did I read that the mum and son can barely communicate and that they didn't know where the dad worked? Nobody knew about the life insurance? The son seems to have a stack of cash sitting in a current account because he literally doesn't know money can do stuff? The brother is driving without a license which just has casually dropped in there like it's nothing, when it absolutely is. A senior says, you are personally the safety for your wife.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00] They left her out because they were counting on you. You are the one being used in this scenario. If you don't exist, your wife would have gotten a share. You are an ATM. Holy moly. Capital says not the arsehole. OP, you do realize that mother-in-law's retirement plan probably will be your wife and you taking care of her. Commenter says, don't forget they will also be expected to provide care for the brother for the rest of his life. Perhaps he at least can be guided towards independence.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00] OP and wife need to talk things out so they can present a united front to mother-in-law if OP wants anything to change. A family therapist may be able to help them communicate since it sounds like they want what's best for everyone. Star Vegetable says yes, exactly what I was thinking. I believe firmly that her plan is to stay until she passes away. She knows she has manipulated and conditioned your wife so much to the point of putting her own needs behind her in order to cater to her mum and especially the brother.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00] She is probably confident that she has ensured her son will never need to live alone and never need to actually grow up. Because she knows even if hubby wants brother out, wife has been conditioned too deeply to go against something her mother would clearly be wanting. Interesting takes on that one but it was five months later that OP came in with an update and said not the update I wanted to share. Apologies for taking so long to update.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] I simply wanted to let enough time for things to settle and finalize before giving an update. Sadly, this is not entirely a happy one. What has happened since? My wife and I have single-handedly helped renovate and restore my mother-in-law's home and rented it out on her behalf. Many months of hard work, all with little if any compensation. Again, I'd like to stress I didn't expect anything. I truly just want to help.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_00] My three to four months of renovating and finding tenants for the home and hiring contractors, paid by mother-in-law, were given about $500 for our efforts. It's something, and again, I wasn't expecting anything for this service. During this time, my wife kept expressing to her mom that this is something her son needs to be doing, as it would be the house they both go back to. She would then go on to talk to her son about it and he would reply with something along the lines of, Well, no one told me to do it.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00] There is much, much more I've done for them, but don't want to bore with all the details. During the time since the original post, mother-in-law and brother-in-law have been paying rent to stay with us. Another small win, brother-in-law now takes his mom to work. My wife comes home earlier and not so grumpy from the long drive, and we actually get to see each other more often again. Our original conclusion was to have brother-in-law return his portion of the inheritance to his mother,

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00] who I again would like to mention had practically zero retirement savings, as this would help her make her mortgage payment and live comfortable in her more senior years. Apparently, this did not happen. Mother-in-law did decide to keep her portion, but brother-in-law kept his share as well. My wife received nothing. To make matters a bit annoying, his share sits in a checking account earning no interest. I mentioned in my previous post, had we known he would decide to keep it,

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00] we would have suggested they move back home or even him to go back, since we're happy taking care of mother-in-law now that she is fair to her daughter. But now, as there are tenants on their home, on a 12-month lease, we're stuck. Albeit happy we're getting some rent. As my mother-in-law says, we're getting some inheritance that way, because of the rent being paid. I continue to help them out with paperwork and getting their life in order. As I felt less used this way.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_00] Many will say, why would I care if he kept the inheritance? Well, it's because we continue to do everything and spend our time doing things. Meanwhile, a man whose net worth salary is nearly 10 times an hour gets to live stress-free playing PS5 all day. Not only that, but as I said before, he has no concept of planning for the future or financial literacy. I've been dealing with all the stress with no reward, when it should be the son having to take charge.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_00] My wife has gone directly to her brother to ask for a share of the inheritance. Not even a split down the middle, but asking for whatever her brother believed to be fair. She expressed to him we both have bent over backwards, doing everything he should have been doing. Every time she approaches him, he says no. One thing to note, even if we told him to do these things, they would never get done. And it was not a viable option to wait for him to grow up and take charge of fixing up the house. As my mother-in-law was losing money, every month it remained unoccupied.

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_00] She has mentioned to me that through talks with her mum, they believe her father left him that money, with the thought it would be used for him to not only share with his sister, but to help him take care of his mum in their home. A sort of test of manhood to see if he was capable of doing the right thing, which is why my wife had asked for whatever seems fair to him. My mother-in-law has gone from thinking her son deserves it all, to hoping he would emulate his father, and do what he thinks his dad would have, and grow up for the sake of his mum.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00] She has cried many tears with us, expressing how even I have been more of a son to her than her biological son. We got to mention, because of my father-in-law's passing, my mother-in-law is able to add her son and daughter to the mortgage. Another happy ending for my wife, is she will also have a share in the home. These changes from my mother-in-law way of thinking happened over time, with us expressing that American values are different from the values of tradition Mexican culture, where she now believes her daughter to have the same standing as her son,

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_00] and not just a woman meant to serve man. Hell, it's funny, because she even saw this after living with us and seeing how my wife wears the pants in our relationship. Edit. Wife is also on the title. Overall, my wife is in a better place now with her mum, and so am I, but sadly, her relationship with her brother has not gone well. I've saved the worst part of the update for last, as it will make all of Reddit angry. Sadly, my brother-in-law has not grown up during this time. He still does not have a license or insurance,

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00] and as of last week, we found out the registration is expired because of this as well. I've tried, but he is a stone who cannot be moved. We have all tried to tell him to do this, but nothing happens. This is why I've said previously that it's not a good idea for him to have the inheritance. He simply is just not responsible. I've told my mother-in-law to please not let him ask family members to register the car for him under their name, as this will only enable him, and she has agreed. She will not be babied any longer.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00] I've sat him down and told him the severe consequences that will occur if he is ever confronted by law enforcement. Up until this point, I continued helping making all payments, medical arrangements, paperwork, and document arrangements for them. Finding the letter stating his registration was expired was the final nail, and we told him we would no longer help him. He has sometimes helped clean the house during the renovation process, after telling him to, but other than that, he has not lifted a finger, aside from taking his mom to and from work.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_00] He has the time and financial means, and I told him he must grow up and take charge of everything. Me and my wife would no longer be used, and we will only help if there was something truly important that he doesn't understand. Mother-in-law also agrees with this, although she thought it was mean of us. She understands that maybe tough love is the only way to get through to him. Sorry Reddit, I've done my best and will continue trying, but there is only so much stress a person can handle. If anyone has any advice or feedback, please feel free to reply.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_00] I'm writing this update because my first post really did help us out, and I hope this one can do the same. There is much, much more that has gone on, but this update is already too long I feel. If anyone needs me to break anything down, or if there is something confusing, I'm happy to reply to comments. TLDR, mother-in-law has changed her way of thinking and is now having her daughter, while brother-in-law remains a man-child with no signs of growing up. Edit, wife is added to the title as well,

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_00] and with mother-in-law's inheritance, there is practically no risk of default. Commodore says to OP, Your brother-in-law is a garbage person. Comfortable says, Brother-in-law has a job and inheritance. Kick him out, he can get an apartment and live on his own. Inner worldliness says, My thoughts exactly. The whole time while reading this, Then kick him out, then kick him out, Then kick him out! On repeat. Commodore says, Quoting, Mother-in-law is able to add her son and daughter to the mortgage. Commodore then says,

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_00] Uh, the mortgage or the deed? The mortgage is a liability, meaning you have to pay. It does not grant you any ownership. OP says, Ah, yes, added to both. But with mother-in-law's inheritance, there is practically no fear of default. Little bit funny says, Unless mother-in-law passes all the inheritance to brother-in-law, and then passes away before the mortgage is paid off, then brother-in-law can just choose not to pay. Your wife needs therapy to stop being the whipping boy for these people. You need therapy to help realize how bad the situation is,

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_00] and learn how to set healthy, loving boundaries. You should seriously evict brother-in-law. Please do not point out that there are tenants in the house he used to live in. He has a job, an inheritance. Let him rent his own place. OP says, She also has her own bank account now. So should something happen, she has access to her mom's funds. So even if he chooses not to pay, she can pay up with those funds. My wife is definitely standing up for herself since my first post. The reason for this post is not to just provide an update,

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_00] but to see what reasonable options there are that we haven't thought of. I do like the idea of telling him to find a place to live. One more commenter says, But when mother-in-law dies, whatever is in mother-in-law's bank account will go to settle mother-in-law's debts, and whatever is left will be split between her children. And then the account will need to be closed. You can't keep operating a dead person's bank account. That's a type of identity fraud. And then ownership of mother-in-law's house will be split between your wife and her brother. Your wife is going to be shafted by this.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_00] And there was just many people concerned about the whole dynamic of this situation, talking about the brother-in-law and just kicking his ass out immediately. Bloody hell. He's got a job. He's got money. More money than Opie and his wife by the sounds of it, and just seems to be still living off them. And will continue to do so the longer you enable this behavior. But bloody hell. What would you guys do in this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_00] And let's move on to another story. Now this story comes from CommonBimbo from the Advice subreddit. Some trigger warnings before we do get into this one. It's pretty rough. It contains abuse, obsessive behavior, sexual assault, and mentions of rape within the story as well. So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description along the timeline below. Thank you. It's titled, My boyfriend is scaring me with his jokes.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00] So this relationship is new. We've been dating for about two months now. I'm 20 female and he is 24 male. It moved a little too quick for my liking. I invited him over to hook up. That's all it was supposed to be. But then we watched movies and took a night walk by the river. And he said he wanted to make me dinner the next day. So I was like, okay, sure. Well, then he started coming over like almost every day. For sex, watching movies, making food, and playing games. And I'm not joking.

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_00] He told me he loved me after a week of knowing each other. I was stunned. I just said it back because I felt awkward and didn't know what to do. But I didn't mean it. I know that's bad. But anyways, he's gotten a lot more comfortable with me. He adores my dog and that's good. But here lately, he's been making a lot of comments that actually scare me. I don't know if I'm overreacting. I kind of want to break up and not see him again. First joke was about raping and killing me.

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_00] He said he would put roofies in my drink and have his way with me after I pass out. Then he said something about strangling me to make me pass out if I didn't like the roofies. He said something about if I die, then he'd hide my body. Another joke he made. He grabbed my boobs and he said now he's sexually assaulting me. I told him to please not make jokes like that. But the very next day, he'll make another. He made a few other jokes that make me terrified. But that's some of the stuff he said.

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00] I asked him to not make those jokes because they're scary. And each time he says he won't. But then he does it again. I even told him I have trauma from being raped as a teenager and sexually abused as a kid. I don't know. It's like he ignores me when he makes jokes like that. And I'm just scared. I haven't been having sex with him anymore because of that. I'm thinking about breaking up. Any advice for me? Edits, right now I'm overwhelmed and scared after reading some of these comments. I didn't expect this much.

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry. I know it's infuriating to read this and think, how can I be serious? I've just always been like this. Always doubting myself and feel like I overreact. Hard to trust myself or my intuition. My brain always downplays and minimizes things. He promised me they were just jokes so I believed him. I don't think it was that serious but deep down I knew it's wrong. But I promise I get it now and understand the severity and I'm going to break up with him. I will do it safely taking your advice and I will update and reply more later.

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00] I need to clear my head for now and come up with a plan. Thank you. And I think OP's clearly already got the advice from that edit. But yeah, run. Fucking run. Absolutely. But I think again, probably like the comments are going to say that you need to do it in a safe way. The way he's talking already. You know, that guy is scary as hell. And first and foremost, you need to be protecting yourself and probably not even do this face to face with him because because he sounds pretty unhinged, right?

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_00] Lionheart says to OP, are you actually a serious, real person? Your supposed boyfriend is making jokes about raping and killing you and you're seeking advice. Are your survival instincts so dulled that you need someone to tell you to leave a collection of walking red flags? God, leave this creepy fuck and move on with your life. Please, this guy is a literal danger to your life. OP replied to him. My stomach dropped reading this. I am serious.

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00] Unfortunately, I second guess myself and never trust myself or what I think a lot. I'll admit I'm a bit naive because he promised they were just jokes. I'm going to break up with him. Silly Chihuahua says, I'm going to speak to you as a trauma therapist who works with domestic violence dynamics. This is not joking. This is early stage coercion and threat testing. He moved very fast, said I loved you within a week, then started making jokes about drugging you, raping you, killing you and hiding your body.

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_00] When you told him to stop, he did not stop. When you disclosed your past sexual trauma, he escalated and kept going. That combination is extremely concerning. In this field, we look at patterns, not excuses. He's showing you several high-risk behaviors at once. Rapid attachment, pushing intimacy quickly, ignoring your boundaries and sexualizing violence and continuing behavior after you clearly said it scares you. That is not someone misreading humor.

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00] That is someone testing how much he can get away with. Your body is responding appropriately. You said you feel terrified and have stopped having sex with him. That is your nervous system recognizing danger. This will escalate if you continue seeing him. You are thinking about breaking up. You should, and you should not do it in person. End it over text or phone. Keep it simple. Do not explain, debate or give him an opening to argue. Something like, this isn't working for me, I'm ending things.

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_00] Please don't contact me again and block him. Do not meet up to talk it out. Also take basic safety steps. Make sure he does not have access to your home. Change anything he might have access to. And let a trusted friend or family member know what is going on. The fact that he continued making rape and murder comments after you told him about your trauma is not a small detail. That is someone who is willing to override your fear for his own gratification. You are not overreacting.

[00:22:24] [SPEAKER_00] You are picking up on something very real. Opie said, thank you for this. I'm going to follow your advice. This has also opened my eyes a lot more too, and I take it as a lesson to trust myself more. Octopus says, info, does he have a key to your place? After you break up with him, can you stay at your parents or at a friend's for two weeks? Opie says, I did not even think about that. I did give him my spare key to get something of his out of my apartment while I was at work and didn't get it back yet. And yes, I can go stay with my mum for a bit.

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_00] I'm working out too, talking to her about this. I'm scared to ask him for my key back now. How should I do this? Or not ask and just change my locks. Absolutely change the locks, of course. Just in case he's made some sort of copies. Opie also adds this about their relationship saying, thank you, this is good advice. A few things I didn't mention in the post is that we got into a big fight once already because he thought I lied about where I was going, but he heard me wrong.

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_00] He made me share my location with him for him to always see where I am. It was scary, he was yelling at me. I thought he was going to hit me, but he didn't. He just stormed out and left. That bit about sharing my location with family members reminded me of that. I felt it was extreme to make me share my location. And the yelling, but yeah, I'm done with this relationship. I will take your advice. So Opie did come in with an update and said hi. So I got a lot of great advice on my post and I followed it.

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_00] I just want to say thank you to everyone who gave me advice and really wanted to help me out. There are a lot of comments coming in and I'm sorry I didn't reply to them all. I was overwhelmed with the situation. But here's how the breakup went. I told my mom everything and she was horrified at the things my boyfriend said to me. I told her I wanted to break up with him and that I was scared so she came over to help me out. She has friends with my landlord at my apartment complex. He's very nice. So she told him everything. He changed my locks for me.

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_00] My mom told him what I told him and he was fuming. Obviously hating my boyfriend's guts now. I had to wait for my boyfriend to get off work before I could call him. So I did that yesterday evening and I just told him it wasn't working out. I was scared because we only had one explosive argument before over me going somewhere. It was a misunderstanding but basically it was so bad I was scared he was going to hit me. But he didn't. And so I was surprised because over the phone after I said I wanted to break up.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00] He was actually very calm and civil about it. He set a bag of his stuff outside and told him to come get it and he said he was going to. I watched a few movies with my mom. She wanted to stay with me for a bit but then she went home and I went to bed. I'd woken up a little after 5 this morning to my phone being blown up by him. I had a lot of missed calls and texts and voicemails saying dumb stuff like I'll never find someone who treats me as good as he did. That I may slur blah blah. And I texted him back and said to stop texting me.

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_00] Then he sent a message saying that he's here in my parking lot and he wants to talk to me to fix this. I looked out the window and saw his truck was out there. I ignored him and turned my phone off and went back to sleep. Woke up around 6.45 again to my dog barking because he was knocking on my door. I didn't answer it and I just texted my landlord and asked him to tell him to go away for me because my landlord usually comes in around this time. Then my landlord comes in at like 7. My ex was still here so he called the cops to have him trespassed.

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_00] Cops didn't arrest him but they told him they will if he comes back since my landlord doesn't want him on the property ever again. I blocked him and that's it for now. But I'm still going to be careful and always keep my doors locked. It honestly wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be because that one argument we had a while ago. He was scary angry and he does have anger issues. I just hope this is the last of it but for now the problem seems taken care of. Now I'm going to focus on myself.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_00] No more inviting hookups to my house because I realized how stupid that was. It was my first time and of course I got a guy like this. I'm also going to get myself into therapy because like some of you said I need to learn to trust myself better and take care of myself for unresolved trauma. But I just wanted to let you guys know I'm okay since some of you wanted an update. Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. Here's the old post and then shares the link and says I just made a new post because it was a lot to type out. One of the top comments said to OP

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_00] I'd recommend to not walk to and from your car alone at least for a few weeks whether at home or work. Same with putting out the trash. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope he'll go away but I'm legitimately worried for your safety. OP says I really hope he goes away too. My landlord is here a lot during the weekdays. He said he's going to watch out for me. And don't worry I will watch out for myself too. If it does get bad I can go stay with my mum and she'll have my back. Thank you so much.

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_00] I know many people will be mixed on the whole police thing but I wonder if OP could at least get this on record. I don't know if they do that sort of thing. Maybe this guy's already got a history and it could flag something. Because the air quotes jokes are absolutely horrific. And then you have like the showing up at 5am and the repeated calls. The voicemails and knocking on the door after being told to leave. You know it's worrying isn't it? I saw a documentary not so long back. I can't remember what it was called.

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_00] It was on Netflix. But it escalated in a similar kind of pattern really. Started with you know a one-off date. And then he slowly almost like moved himself into the apartment. And when it got too much for the lady in the relationship. She was like oh no. We need to stop and just take a break. And then he went absolutely fucking off the walls. Standing around outside her house at midnight. Looking through the windows. All kinds of weird shit. So eventually the police did get involved. Because he was trying to break in etc.

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_00] Now I'm not saying that's going to happen in this situation. But the worry is there right? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.