My Husbands "Work Wife" Turned Out To Be A Teenager - He Doesn't Get Why I'm Upset

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the Am I Overreacting subreddit from expertentrance3851 and it says, Am I overreacting?

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00] My Husband's work wife turned out to be a teenager and he doesn't seem to understand why I'm upset. It starts, I've been married to my husband, 43 male for over 10 years. We have a normal healthy relationship, no cheating, hiding phones etc. He's a chef for an organization slash not a restaurant so he works normal-ish hours, usually 12 to 8. In telling me about his day at work, he will casually mention the names of people in the world.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know, but I've come to know about through his work stories. One of these people is a lady we'll call Sarah. I'd gotten a gist that Sarah is a younger woman that is just starting out in her culinary career and my husband has sort of taken her under his wing, which I thought was cool. She would text him during non-work hours about regular friend stuff, asking how our daughter's birthday party was, how our new cat was doing. I was happy he was taking this young lady under his wing as I know how kitchens can be for women. I joke

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00] He's a woman who has secretly referred to her as his work wife a few times. Just kidding with him about how often he mentioned her. I had zero suspicion about cheating, just thought she was a female friend and co-worker. My husband recently put in his two weeks at that organization and has only been working part-time there to help them in the transition while also working at a new place that seems much less chaotic. He's super happy at the new spot.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00] His last day of work was last week and it also happened to fall on the day of the previous job's Christmas party. I went with him to the party like I normally do and I got to meet Sarah. She seemed like a sweet girl, clearly knew he was married, asked me about some treats he'd made and sent home with him recently that I got to try. She mentioned that she cried earlier that day because he wouldn't be there anymore and she would have to work with the other crazies without him.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00] To which I responded that she should try to apply at his new job because it seems a lot less stressful. She said that she was planning on it but couldn't until she turns 18 in two years. The girl is 16. I was taken aback. I thought about the friendly text referring to her as his work wife etc. I knew she was young but not that she was a child. On the way home I sort of confronted my husband about it. I asked him if he knew she was 16.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00] Yes and why he didn't mention it didn't seem important. He seemed hurt that I was calling out that behavior as inappropriate on his part. I absolutely don't think that anything sexual was going on. Which he seems to think that is the issue. But I am genuinely concerned that he doesn't see how inappropriate it is to be friends with a 16 year old girl.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00] We have a 7 year old daughter and I asked him how he would feel if when she was 16 he found out that she had been texting her 40 plus year old male boss after work hours just to chat. He said that he didn't see an issue as long as it wasn't sexual or anything. I told him that he needed to not have any contact with Sarah anymore. And he got defensive and said that he didn't even have any reason to contact her because they didn't work together anymore. But I shouldn't accuse him of being a predator just because he was being nice to her.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00] I tried to explain that I know he wasn't being a creep but anyone who didn't know him well or her parents would see their friendship as inappropriate. He showed me where he deleted her contact and off Facebook at my request. But he's being standoffish as though I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I overreacting? Edit. Just to clarify some things that keep getting mentioned in comments. He never referred to her as his work wife. I'm the only one that said that.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00] I definitely would not have had I known her age. Yes, I get how the term work wife is weird. I never suspected my husband of any kind of inappropriate relationship with Sarah and made sure when we were talking about the situation that he knew this. I didn't accuse him of being a predator or grooming her or anything like that. He didn't act inappropriately to her in any way.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00] The confrontation was about how it looks to other people and how I would think anyone would react to a man his age having a friendship with a child that he no longer has a working relationship with. So, as always, people were asking OP questions down in the comments. The first one says, Did he call her the work wife? Did she call herself his work wife? Or did you call her his work wife? Quoting, I jokingly referred to her as his work wife a few times. Then says, I don't see other references to this other than your comments.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00] Did you get mad at him for your own comment? OP says, I guess that I'm now seeing how I am a little mad at myself for referring to her as his work wife. And I'm the only one who used that term. Had I known her age, I would not have said that. A downvoted commenter says, Info, What kind of job does your husband work where a 16-year-old would be there day in and day out? A high school dropout? I enjoy some stories, but this seems very unlikely to have ever happened. OP says,

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00] At this job, he was a chef for a catering company. I'm assuming his co-worker was able to come to work after she got out of school. I don't know the particulars of how many hours kids that age can work, but I'm assuming it was part-time. The commenter says, She's overreacting. He may not have said so, but there's a good chance he thought of her as a surrogate daughter, helping her learn how to be a chef. Had a friend on the internet. She wasn't 16, but she was much younger than I was. And I always thought of her as a surrogate daughter.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00] Luckily, she realized she was married to a jerk. They got divorced. Then she met someone better and married him. We kept in touch. Although she stopped posting after they had a child, and I haven't heard much from her since. So his thoughts about the girl are not anything like what his wife is fantasizing it is. OP replies saying, No, I definitely thought this too. My husband is a safe person, and I can see how he just thought that he was being nice to her. As I said in the post,

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00] I know him well enough to know that he isn't grooming her or doing anything like that. Someone else responded here that the optics were bad, and that's what I'm trying to get him to understand. It's not about him actually being creepy. If I knew a 40-year-old man and a 16-year-old girl were texting, and not about work, it would instantly put me on guard about him and for her. I would worry that he is not seeing how it would be seen as inappropriate if someone saw their relationship without the context.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry if it made it seem as though I thought something nefarious was going on. I absolutely don't. The commenter says, You're overreacting. I'm a woman in her 50s who started in a male-dominated industry at 16. I was thankful for the couple of older guys who took me under their wings. I never felt it was inappropriate or sexual. Much more like a father teaching their daughter skills needed for the profession. I'm so very thankful for the both of them, still today.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00] One of them and his wife even attended my wedding years later. You yourself stated, You know your husband would never do anything. Why make it gross? There are plenty of horrible people in the world who will mistreat young women. You have said that's not your husband. Let the good guys continue to be good guys and back him up. Help him make sure others don't get the wrong ideas. Opie says, Thank you for this perspective. My reaction was knee-jerk thinking. What will other people think?

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'm worried that others would misconstrue his intentions. Though I know he is one of the good ones. Him being a safe person for a young woman in that industry outweighs what other people may think. And I'll definitely back him up. Another asker question saying, A few questions. One, Is it pretty common for minors to be hired at his previous place of employment? Two, Are the text questions she had for him after work hours similar to what other co-workers, minors or not, would ask him? Three,

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] How does your husband seem about leaving his previous place of employment? Relieved? Prior to your conversation about her age, did he imply at all that he wouldn't be maintaining contact with her or any of his other co-workers? Granted, this is the first time you called her his work wife. He should have immediately said something to the effect of, Uh, yeah, no, she's only 16. Let's not call her that. I'm curious why he didn't feel the need to bring that up. In my opinion, I'm wary of the concept of calling co-workers work wife or work husband.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00] It implies quite a bit and convolutes things. Opie says one, I don't know how many other kids work there, but after working in a restaurant for a long time, I know that 16 is usually the minimum age you can be hired. There are generally always a handful starting out around that age. Two, the texts were just normal things that he would have told her about just working alongside her, about our daughter, the new cat, the treats that she wanted us to try. Nothing that would suggest she knew more about him than any other co-workers would know. Three,

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_00] he is stoked to leave that job. I brought up applying to his new job when I met her because he and I had previously talked about her being sad he was leaving, and had suggested that she would like working at his new job better as well. The previous place sounded like a shit show. And one more downvoted commenter who said, How is your husband working with a 16 year old girl from 12pm to 8pm every day all this time? She doesn't have school during the day. Opie says those were his work hours.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00] I would guess that kid would only work part time after school. And there was a lot of back and forth comments on this one, you know, a lot of people saying the world needs more people like the husband if he's genuinely trying to mentor this young girl in tough industries without ulterior motives, which is, you know, super rare and super valuable at the same time. But people also pointing out, you've got to be smarter about it. Like a 40 odd year old texting a 16 year old about cats and birthday parties.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00] You know, it can be innocent as you like. It's still ammunition for others looking to make assumptions, which, you know, is awful. But in today's climate, all it takes is one parent, a co-worker, or, you know, just a screenshot that's taken out of context. And suddenly you're defending yourself against accusations that you never saw coming. But also just to add on, there were some commenters saying age is just so out of the picture in the restaurant industry. And you become friends with people of all ages.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00] And anyone outside of kitchens would never understand that. And whilst there's lots of people saying they wouldn't be happy if they found out their 16 year old daughter was in this situation, other people pointing out the sadness of the situation in itself, that if you can't help the younger generation because of the optics of it, it's just a really sad state of affairs. But it was really all over the place. But OP did update the post and says, I've read all of the comments and appreciate them and took them into consideration.

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_00] The issue was gnawing at me. So husband and I had a lengthy conversation this morning. I apologize for my knee jerk reaction and for automatically assuming that people would think the worst. We discussed some things that were brought up here, mostly about how it was my own embarrassment for sexualizing the relationship with the work wife comments. Rest assured, I will never use that term again. Truly had no idea that the phrase was such an ick for people, but that he should have mentioned that she was a kid the first time I said it.

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00] He said that he thought that I already knew that she was still in high school and he thought I was just poking fun at him because I thought a kid had a crush on him at work. I asked him how I would know that without him telling me directly and he brought up that I had asked him who she was when she liked the pic and I tagged him in on Facebook. It was a pic of some food that looked amazing. I posted it to my Facebook because I was proud of him. She liked the post and I generally know who like his tagged pics. So I said, hey, who's this?

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00] And he said, oh, that's Sarah from work. And that was it. He had assumed that I had done some digging and didn't. So I had no idea. I also tried to explain to him that it was awesome that he was a mentor. Tried to use this term a lot because it was mentioned in the comments often and that I wished I had that when I was younger, but that many people's experience with older male co-workers were not good, mine included, and that people might have the same immediate reaction that I did.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00] For projecting my bad experiences into the situation. His response was that he had no interest in being anyone's mentor, especially someone he would have to mentor outside of work. He said that he just felt protective of her, like some people have mentioned, and he would want someone to take care of our daughter too if she finds herself in his line of work. He said that she alluded to not having a great family and that she absolutely loved our daughter. She'd been into his job a couple of times

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00] when he had to take her to get a deposit slash do a grocery run on his days off and had told him she could babysit if we ever needed her to. He said that she had taken an interest in me as well because he had mentioned what I do for a living. I work in the music industry and was always asking what bands I get to see. He said that in his mind, he knew that this girl could benefit from having stable adults in her life and that he had intended to keep the line of communication in hopes that she would reach out to him slash us

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_00] if she needed anything now that they didn't work together anymore. I was so ashamed reading the comments and especially when he said that, that my reaction to this situation was to cut communication because of how it looks and not realizing that this girl may be latching onto him because she needed someone like my husband. We came to the conclusion that we were both sort of in the wrong due to both of us just assuming things. Me assuming she was an adult, him assuming I knew she was a kid. He admitted that he didn't once think about

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00] how it may look that she texted him because he knew that it was innocent but in the future, he would loop in another adult when she contacted him just so nothing gets misconstrued. I apologize for assuming that other people would assume the worst. He's a great guy, all is well. And that is where that one ended. So now I'm gonna turn it to you. Be interested in your comments on this one down below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story is titled,

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00] Am I Overreacting? My boyfriend is bullying me because I don't have an iPhone. So I never thought texting background would be the hill a relationship might die on but here we are. Quick edit to add our ages. I'm 31 female, he's 32 male, together three years. My boyfriend and I both have perfectly functional phones. I'm on Android, he's an iPhone. Recently, Apple rolled out that update with the custom iMessage backgrounds and ever since then,

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00] he's been relentlessly trying to convince me to switch. At first, it was lighthearted. Oh darn, you can't see my stickers, etc. because you're a green gal. Then it turned into, we can't use the cute matching ones unless you get an iPhone. Now, it's basically, why won't you just switch? It's better anyway. It feels manipulative or at least extremely annoying and I can't shake this feeling that Apple wants this to happen. Like, they literally rolled out a feature

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_00] that makes Android users look left out so iPhone users pressure them to switch. A weird marketing conspiracy via social bullying, honestly. It's not that I hate iPhones, I just don't like being pushed, especially over something as dumb as a chat background. The fact that he's treating this like a huge inconvenience is giving me the ick. I'm starting to seriously wonder what it says about our relationship dynamic. And I cannot shake the feeling that this entire update is a calculated marketing conspiracy

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_00] designed to socially isolate Android users until their own loved ones bully them into switching. Like Apple said, let's weaponize cuteness and my boyfriend signed up as their foot soldier. I finally told him the pressure makes me uncomfortable. His response? You're being dramatic. It's just a phone. But if it's just a phone, why is he treating my refusal like I keyed his car? Why does he seem genuinely disappointed in me over a chat background? It's making me wonder what happens the next time

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_00] I don't want something he wants. Will he pull the same passive-aggressive campaign? Will they be guilted until I give in? I know it sounds ridiculous that a tech update is what's making me rethink this relationship. But the ick is loud. Is this a red flag or am I overthinking a completely normal Apple versus Android disagreement? Let's face it, usually like with any of these situations that we cover, it's not about the phone at all, is it? It's about him not hearing no and then dismissing your feelings

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_00] as being dramatic. I know people's right to point out is this like a preview of the future where you don't immediately comply to what he says and he makes you overthink everything that you do. So absolute red flags all around in my opinion. But a commenter says, honestly, my service is so bad at my house that I absolutely hate texting with Android users. Half the time, I just straight up never receive texts. I almost got to a point where I was going to buy my friend an iPhone since her Android would reorganize the text

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00] and she never knew what was going on. OP says, I live in a busy metropolitan area where pretty much all services are reasonably accessible slash good service. We've never had that kind of issue. The quality of photos sent gets messed up sometimes but honestly, not a huge problem. Another commenter says, yes, he's acting as a mindless slave for Apple's corporate interests. It's beyond shitty. OP says, like the people telling me to have him buy me when I'm missing out on the part, have a perfectly functional phone

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_00] and don't need to give money to Apple over this marketing scheme. Commenter says, if he wants you to have an iPhone that badly, he should buy one for you himself but the fact that he even cares about it is very immature. So, it was a bit over three weeks later that OP came in with an update and says, a lot has happened since my last post so here it is. A few days after I posted, my boyfriend suddenly suggested we swing by T-Mobile real quick because he had a question about his plan.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00] I thought nothing of it. While we were there, he starts chatting up the rep and then casually asks about upgrading my phone. I didn't ask for an upgrade. I didn't even say I wanted one. The rep asks for my account pin. My boyfriend freezes. He tries to laugh it off and goes, oh yeah, she never remembers this. I usually handle this stuff. The rep looks at me. I tell them I'm not authorizing anything and I'm not giving them my pin. At that point, it clicks. He was trying to swap my phone on the sly. When we leave the store,

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00] I ask him straight up what the hell that was. He smirks and says it was just a prank and that I'm so paranoid. He keeps doing that coy half smile thing and says, relax babe, if I really wanted to do it, I would have. Which, what? That didn't make it better. I told him it was shady and controlling. He told me I was being dramatic and embarrassing him in public. Things were tense after that but he kept insisting I was overreacting and that Reddit poisoned my brain.

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_00] Update 2 Christmas I asked forward a couple of weeks to Christmas. He hands me a wrapped box and goes, see? Proof I'm not the villain you made me out to be. It's a phone. Not my phone. Not an upgrade I would have asked for. A phone already set up, already logged into his Apple ID. I just stared at him and said, are you kidding me right now? He immediately gets defensive, says I should be grateful that he went out of his way for me, that most girls would be thrilled.

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_00] I asked why it wasn't in my name. He says, because you'd mess it up. I'm better with tech. That's when it blew up. I told him this is exactly the controlling crap I was talking about. He called me ungrateful and said, I love playing the victim. I said he was sneaky, a manipulative arsehole who thinks buying things gives him authority over me. He said, I'm impossible to please and no wonder you're always single before me. I told him at least I was single by choice, not because I tried to run my partner's life

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00] like a damn parole officer. He snapped back that I need supervision because I can't make adult decisions without crying about it online. I told him he needs therapy, not a girlfriend. He said Reddit can keep me warm at night. I said at least Reddit doesn't try to steal my phone behind my back. He ended it by saying, fine, don't use it. I'll return it, like he was punishing a child. I spent Christmas night in the guest room. So yeah, that's the update. Turns out it was never about the phone. It was about control.

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_00] It's been a week and we've barely talked, but also because I've been spending time with my family. I go back to work Monday, but I don't know, maybe I should look for a new place. Commodore says to opion this one, quoting, turns out it was never about the phone, it was about control and says, now you know. I hope he is now your ex-boyfriend. Commodore says, girl, run. This man child just wants to control you in any way possible. Please be safe and get away from him. Mother Commodore says, start looking for a new place. Leave him a note

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] when you move out. The utter lack of control over your departure will give him fits. Commodore says, he sounds like a gaslighter. Get out of there so fast. These people will literally distance you from everyone and make you feel like you're going crazy as well and make everyone around you think you're crazy too. Anyone that says things like this has no respect for you. You deserve much better OP. So OP adds one more post that says, how to handle a breakup when I've relied heavily on my partner's credit. And then says,

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_00] I'm looking for personal financial advice on how to handle a situation I've ended up in. I've been living with my boyfriend for over a year but I'm not on the lease. I do have a full-time day job but I don't have close family I can stay with and I'm deliberately avoiding some old friends because they're bad influences. I'm a recovering addict so stability and environment matter a lot to me right now. Over the past year I started a small business from out of home because my own credit is limited. I filed bankruptcy about six years ago after personal emergency.

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_00] I relied on my boyfriend's credit to cover business necessities. This started with his credit card and gradually expanded into buy now, pay later and personal loan apps like I'm not advertising one of those to manage cash flow. He knows I've been using his card for the business but I'm not sure he understands the total exposure across different apps or how much of the balances are business related versus normal spending. The business is active and generating income but all of the department is technically in his name not mine.

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_00] Lately he's been doing some unacceptable behaviors and that's a big reason I think the relationship needs to end. From a strictly legal standpoint I'm aware that none of this debt is in my name and that I could walk away. That said, I'm trying to think through what the financially responsible option actually is versus what's simply easiest. From a personal financial perspective I'm looking for input on 1. What people usually do when expenses are tied to one partner's credit but driven by another. 2.

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00] Whether it ever makes sense to keep repaying debt that isn't legally yours after a breakup. 3. How to handle housing transitions when only one person is on the lease. 4. What risks or consequences I may be minimizing by telling myself I can just leave. I know this setup wasn't smart and that better boundaries early on would have prevented a lot of this. I'm trying to figure out the least messy way forward financially speaking even if that means accepting that I didn't handle things well.

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00] And a lot of people after this locked onto that latest update talking about the initial control with the phones etc. Isolating her from friend groups but then talking about her using his credit and some people even leaning towards the everyone sucks here after this. But that got incredibly messy towards the end didn't it? But what do you guys make of this situation? What would you do in it? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:24:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.