My Husband Is Disappointed In MY REACTION When His Mom Insulted Me

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark B and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_01] Now today's first story comes from independentcat1541 from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole for leaving Christmas dinner after my mother-in-law made a comment about my acne and weight. OP starts, I still have acne at 31 years old. My mother-in-law, 63 female, has made a comment about my acne every time my husband, 33 male, and I visit his parents.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_01] Before Christmas, I had asked my husband to tell his mom to please stop commenting on my acne. My husband said he'd talk to his mom. My husband and I went to his parents for Christmas dinner. All his siblings and their spouses were there. His uncle and aunt were there. When we arrived, my mother-in-law made a comment about my acne. Then she said I gained weight. At least one sibling and their spouse heard what mother-in-law said. I just turned around and left.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_01] When my husband got home, he said he was disappointed in his mom's behavior. Then he said he was disappointed at my behavior. He said I should have been the bigger person. He said his mom is old and all people are notoriously insensitive. Am I the arsehole? Absolutely not the arsehole and good on you for standing up for yourself and not putting up with that shit. You told your husband to talk to his mom. Whether he's done that or not is another question, right?

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_01] Mother-in-law decides to be rude again. Why should you put up with it? Why should you be in a room with someone who's going to be bloody rude? Absolutely not the arsehole. And let's face it, you've got a husband problem at the same time that he's disappointed in your behavior when his mom is the one that's being the rude bastard. But Buttery Cranberry says she couldn't hold her tongue when asked. Why should you be obligated to stay for dinner? Not the arsehole. Sometimes I Twitch says I'd bet he never talked to his mom about it.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_01] Original Rent says 100%. He's scared to say something to his mommy. Lucifer Loves Techno says it seems unlikely. Even if he did this time, he should have shut that shit down the first time his mom said anything. He certainly should not have to be asked to stand up for his wife for fuck's sake. David Sugarbush says not the arsehole. Your husband can go to dinner at their house by himself next time. Opie says maybe that is the solution. I risk either leaving or saying something mean if she pulls something like this again.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01] Pierre Stefan says I think you should fire back like Thank god my husband got his father's looks. Or just be very blunt with her. That is a really bitchy thing to say. Why are you like this? Do you enjoy trying to hurt and embarrass people? Maybe you should see a therapist about it and hope they can make you a more pleasant person to be around. Scar International says well being old isn't an excuse for poor manners yet you are rocking it like a pro. Then says my favorite reply for rude old people.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_01] Edit since I'm being blasted. I didn't say she should have said this. I didn't say 62 was old. I'm 54. I said this was my favorite reply to old rude people. Example of three times I said it to people who appeared over 80. All rude, mean, crabby people. One said I was too fat to be eating a cookie. One walked up to me in the next lane as I was lined up to bowl in a tournament and got mad at me when I stepped back.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_01] And the other when I helped her load groceries in her car when I saw her struggling and she ignored me while shoving a cart at me. And said you're welcome and she called me a bitch. So Opie does come in with a short update three weeks later and says My 31 female husband, 33 male, has barely spoken to his mom, 63 female since that day. My husband has apologized to me several times for what happened. But I wasn't the only one fed up with mother-in-law.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_01] A wife, Jane, 27 female of one of my husband's siblings held her tongue about mother-in-law's comments on her weight until Jane couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't there but Jane told mother-in-law that mother-in-law has the old lady smell after mother-in-law made a comment about her weight. Jane said that in front of a lot of people. Jane specifically video chatted me so we could talk about it. Jane was so proud of herself for doing that. So I'm not the only one who has a problem with mother-in-law.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_01] Big ol' nerd replies to all this saying your husband is supportive. I like Jane, she sounds cool. Ice Seeker says OP started a revolution lol. Good for her and Jane to stand up against the bully in their family. Mother-in-law must be offended but she deserves it. Hawk Up Cat says I bet mother-in-law was deeply, I say deeply offended. After all, it's her prerogative as the matriarch to demean her daughter-in-laws. But how dare any of them clap back?

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_01] In the comments talking about husband being supportive after the update, it still had me rubbing my chin thinking, is it really? And look, I'm not saying he can't change. I hope he has changed in that. But the first update when he said, you know, he's disappointed by OP's behavior after those comments. Like, come on. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_01] Now, our next story comes from the true off my chest subreddit from tame armadillo5607 and says my mom wants nothing to do with me because I picked my dad during the divorce. I know it sounds bad. I have a lot of regrets but everything was really hard after my 19 female parents got divorced when I was 13. I had a happy childhood before then and was closest with my mom.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_01] Her divorce was harder on me than my older sister Penny, 21 female, who kind of took it in stride. My mom moved out and into an apartment and was just generally incredibly depressed. She drank a lot and it was just a mess. We were 50-50 but the schedule they came up with was annoying because I have to switch houses like every 2-3 days. And I went to a private school so I had uniforms and I was always getting in trouble for leaving them at the other house or not having things.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_01] Then mom moved 45 minutes away from my school. They gave my sister a car so that she could drive me to school but I played sports and she didn't want to hang around for me after school. So I was always waiting around and would sometimes just end up at my dad's anyways. So I asked if I could stay with dad on the weekdays and mom on weekends. My dad didn't want to only have me for school days so I was with him one weekend and her the other three.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_01] I thought it was awesome but I could tell my mom seemed less, I don't know, fond of me. My sister was supposed to drive me but again with sports on weekends I'd call my mom to pick me up and she wouldn't be able to. And I was spending less time over there. I know she and Penny got much closer. Penny only came over to my dad's every other weekend by then too. We got into a massive fight when I was a sophomore because I had a big semi-finals for state and I was on varsity game.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01] And she didn't go because she was taking Penny prom dress shopping. I was dating a junior and going too so I asked if we could all go another day. And she told me to ask my dad to take me. She'd gotten me into sports and always went to my games. And I played horrible because I was so anxious about whether or not she'd come. She didn't. I felt like she'd forgotten about me and moved on so I stopped going over to her house. We'd call and see each other on holidays and stuff but I was hurt and she never apologized.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_01] I still obviously love her and we get along good when we see each other. It's just not often. Lately I've been feeling really down. I lost a friend and my dad's new girlfriend moved in and I'm pretty sure she wants me to move out. Which is whatever. I'll figure it out but it's more like she'd get mad if I don't clean. But when I do she gets snippy and is like you're not your dad's wife. Now mom is doing good. She got remarried about a year ago and he has two kids who are like 10 and 12.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01] Jake and Emma. They're all nice but I obviously don't know them well. But anyways before Christmas my mom asked me if I would give one of my old American girl dolls to Emma. It's not like an heirloom or anything but it was my cousins and honestly I don't know Emma very well. So I said no. It's not like they don't have money and they still sell the dolls. I wasn't mean or anything I just said I didn't want to. I kept asking her about Christmas and when to be where and she never really told me.

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_01] I normally spend Christmas Eve with her and she never told me what was going on. I texted her that day and asked when I could give her a gift. And she said she had reached back out after the holidays. That hurt in a way I can't explain because she never like wouldn't take my calls or see me before. I guess it was probably about the stupid doll and probably should have given her space but I still text her happy new year. Penny got super mad and drove out and yelled at me.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_01] She said I had to stop bothering mum when I broke her heart by picking dad. I told her that wasn't true and she told me they divorced because dad had an affair and that I was an idiot if I hadn't figured that out. Nobody had ever told me that and dad hadn't dated anyone that I knew about until recently. I got upset and told her to leave and didn't even give her mum's present. I was so upset. I haven't told my dad yet but I've been really upset about it. I feel like I never meant to hurt her but I feel really bad.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_01] I don't know if I should reach out to her or if I should just leave well enough alone like Penny told me to. I'm pretty sure she's moved on from me. She's posted pictures of her and her husband's kids with Penny and I don't think she has space in her life for me anymore. And it's all my fault. This is so incredibly sad and infuriating for Opie at the same time because Opie's been failed by every single person around her.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01] Dad had an affair and blew up the family then let his 13 year old navigate everything without any conversation around it. And now he's got a girlfriend who's being passive aggressive towards her and trying to push her out. I mean isn't he saying anything about this? Then you got mum who was drowning in depression and alcohol by the sounds of it. Lived too far away to actually make custody work and was missing big events for Opie. And then ghosted her own daughter over a doll was it?

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01] It sounded like she needed to get professional help not take it out on her own child. And then you got Penny who seemed to be towards the end knew about this affair kept it a secret and then used it against Opie during a moment she could attack her. Opie's been in the middle of all this past backwards and forwards and it sounds with little thought about what her needs are. It sounds like Opie is just literally trying to survive the situation. It's just heartbreaking for her.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_01] But Amina says your mum is the one responsible for communicating things. If she's feeling resentful it should be a conversation. But the fact that she basically just stopped showing up suggests you couldn't win in this scenario anyway. She was the one with the burden to stay involved. You were a kid who needed your mum's presence and didn't get it. Opie says I mean I know I wasn't perfect. One mother's day I had just gotten over covid and was still super tired.

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_01] And told her I didn't think I was up for the one and a half hour round trip. She basically stopped calling after that. And I wish I had just sucked it up and gone. NSA says kid. And I say that because you were younger than my kids. You were a baby. You were a child and your parents were divorcing. You were going through one of the most emotionally damaging events possible. And you didn't get support. Your mum dropped the ball here and it wasn't your fault. You were a baby. 13 is a baby. 16 is a baby.

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_01] Hell I'll call 19 a baby. Your parents wanted you. The non-driving baby to deal with their house choices. Who the fuck does that to a baby? Opie says I mean I know I'm an adult now. My mum used to get fake mad when I'd say I was whatever age. And said that I'd always be a baby. But I know that's not true. My therapist says I need to start seeing things from other people's point of view. Now that I'm older. Trick says hun. I don't think your therapist means for you to do what you're doing.

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01] Which is taking responsibility for the actions of the adults around you. Yeah your mum was depressed. Angry and probably trying to pick up the pieces of her life. She was also a long commute from your school. And struggling to stay involved in your life. If I moved almost an hour away from my son's school. You bet your ass he'd be staying at his dad's during the week. I'm going to make a child commute an hour and a half each day. None of these are your fault. And there is nothing healthy that you could have done to assist her.

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_01] Picking her in the divorce isn't a reasonable ask. Even if it's a very human want on her part. Maybe consider having a conversation with her and lay this out. Receive what she has to say with an open mind. But do not take responsibility for her parenting in addition to yourself. She's the one with the supposedly fully developed limbic system and prefrontal cortex. Opie says I can try that if she ever talks to me again. Particular says try this exercise.

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01] I know you're trying to be empathetic. I always try to be as well. Some days are better than others. What would you have done if it was your child? If you were the parent? What would your expectations have been? How would you have treated your child differently? The same? Your answers to these questions will help illuminate what others are trying to say I think. Either way I wish you peace. Another commenter says you're a child. She's an adult. She made choices that gave you fewer choices.

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_01] And those choices she left you with were ones she was unhappy with. She's treating your relationship a bit like a drinking problem. She's not responsible. Nothing is her fault. She'll do what feels good in the moment even if it's destructive. And she'll never communicate or work through her feelings like an adult. And by the way. Are you able to set a dad daughter activity during which you can talk about all this? You haven't gotten good modeling for communication. But it's something to work on learning. Opie says I haven't talked to my dad about all of this yet.

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_01] If what Penny said is true then I don't know what to do. My dad has always been there for me since the divorce. And if it's true I don't know how to get past it. Humble says you know even if he did have an affair. Being mad at him will just isolate you even more. I would ask for extra support and love and tolerance from him right now. And definitely make sure he knows what you're going through with your mum's and Penny's rejection of you. And how sick it is of them to make you want to pick either parent. What an awful position they're putting you in.

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_01] You need at least one parent in your corner. Opie says you're right. I talked to him about that and his girlfriend tonight. Opie Tigg says your mum moved away from your school and didn't offer you reliable transportation. Her taking her failures out on you must be heartbreaking. Opie says they bought Penny a car. We went to a K-12 school and she was supposed to. Obviously she didn't want to stick around for over an hour while I had practice.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_01] I don't blame her or anything but I could walk to my dad instead of waiting for almost an hour for her to pick me up after she got off work. Opie Tigg says waiting for an hour for pickup is not reliable transportation. This is really and truly not your fault. So it was 13 days later that Opie came in with an update and says I talked to my parents. It wasn't fun. I confronted my dad about what my sister told me and he admitted it was true.

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_01] It was hard for me to hear because I had a boyfriend cheat on me a few months back and my dad had been there for me. I also told him about what his girlfriend had been saying. He was upset about it and said she'd take care of it and talk to her. It seems like she's been nicer but I don't know. I don't really trust her. My dad and I are okay though. I'm still upset about what he did but he could still be a good dad and not a good husband. It's kind of complicated. Like maybe his girlfriend deserves to be with him. That's mean.

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_01] Unfortunately stuff with my mom has been bad. We used to always go to the ballet at Christmas. It was our thing together. But a few years ago after the divorce she said she didn't want to that year and just never asked me to go again. I asked a few times but she always said she couldn't do it. But last week she made a post with her, Penny and Emma. The stepdaughter that she wanted me to give the doll to. And obviously they're at the ballet.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_01] When I saw Penny the next day I feel like she wanted me to ask about it but I didn't. She asked me if I wanted to go in on mom's birthday present. It's in a few weeks. I asked if I was going to be invited to a party slash dinner and she said that shouldn't matter. So I told her I'm not getting mom anything for stuff I'm not invited to. I got her a Christmas present and she didn't invite me over. And I'd gotten her a wedding present and I wasn't invited.

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_01] Penny told me they didn't want to invite me to the wedding because mom didn't want me reporting anything back to my dad so she could enjoy the wedding. She eloped in the Caribbean. That made me really upset. So I called my mom later and asked if it was true. She was annoyed I could tell and told me she'd meet me to talk but I had to promise I'd listen. So I drove all the way out to talk to her. And she was going on about boundaries and how if I wanted her in my life I had to respect them.

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_01] And the boundaries are like I'd need to give her three days notice before seeing her and not asking the day of or before. And I'd have to invite Emma to anything we did and put effort into being a big sister to her. And I was so over it. I asked her again if the wedding this was true and she said that she just wanted to enjoy her wedding after everything. I never have ever gossiped with my parents about the other. Even when I knew that they wanted to I never did.

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_01] And even if I did my own mom cared more about her ex finding out about her wedding than having me there. I kind of lost it at that. I know it was wrong but I couldn't help it. I've just been keeping things inside for so long and trying to get her to love me again and it's pointless. She doesn't want me around and I don't want to be around anyone that doesn't want me there. So I told her that. And I told her that I had no idea that dad had an affair until Penny told me. But at this point I didn't blame him.

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_01] She could have fun with my replacement but it won't ever be the same because she's not her mom. She had a mom and it's not her. And she'll always pick her mom over her. My friends' moms go out of their way to see their daughters and I have to beg mine for scraps. I wish I had told her where to shove her boundaries but I didn't have the juice to do that. But I did tell her to forget that she ever had me and left. She called me a bunch but I googled it and since I'm 19 I'm allowed to block her number.

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_01] So Penny and her husband have been calling and texting me so I told them she needs to respect my boundaries. I think I'll be okay but it's been hard. I have a therapist who helps me sometimes but I think cutting my mom out will be good long term. I don't want to end up like her. And if Penny wants to cut me off for that then that's fine. My friends and I decided to get an apartment starting this summer. I think it'd be good for everyone. My dad was sad when I told him but I need to start my life.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_01] Like I know it's kind of BS because he'll be paying my rent but we promised we'd get dinner at least twice a week. I know he did something bad but it kind of meant what I said about not blaming him. And at least he's always been there for me. Unlike her. So there was a bunch of comments after this to OP. The first one said your mother is acting like you need to earn her time and love and that's just BS. She's the mom. You are the child. End of story. Proud of you for making the hard choice.

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_01] BruteBat says this isn't about your mom's boundaries. She's been trying to deliberately hurt you as some fucked up punishment. She's been getting some kind of enjoyment from fucking with you. She's a shitty mom and a shitty person. You made the right choice. Another commenter says time to punish a 13 year old child for checks notes wanting to be close to school on school days. Francesca says also adds since mom didn't bother to come get her and left her at school.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01] Potential ad says your mother has issues and that has nothing to do with you. I can understand why she would hate your father and why she would want to put up clear boundaries between him and her. However she crosses a line when she starts to resent you for wanting to still have a relationship with your dad. Especially when you didn't know. She needed to love you more than hating your dad. She allowed the affair to turn her into a nasty person who lost sight of what really matters. Please be kind to yourself. Potsoft replies saying I agree.

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_01] Her pain is real but taking it out on you isn't fair. You didn't deserve that. Please be gentle with yourself. Amber says how did your sister find out about the affair and Opie said my mom. An eyelace chip says lol yet your sister ridiculed you for not knowing. God she sucks. Adorable says I think your mom misdirected a lot of anger and resentment on you that she never should have. To me it sounds like she desperately needed some therapy. She kind of made her own bed when she shut you out of Christmas and her wedding.

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_01] And it seems like a lot of the things she did from dress shopping, not going to your semi-final, moving 45 minutes away in the early years after divorce were spiteful things aimed at you. When she was mad at your dad. How were you supposed to know he cheated? I think if your dad's girlfriend is now at least respectful and not weirdly snippy with you. That's pretty good. Let him know if that changes though. I think he really does love and care about you.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_01] I hope you enjoy and learn a lot of stuff getting into the independent life sharing and apartment with your friends. It'd be exciting to figure out where you want to go from here. Hope your reply said honestly at this point I'm glad I didn't know he cheated. It definitely would have affected how I treated him. But at this point I don't care and like I said I don't blame him for it. I would hate being married to my mum. I suggest therapy says, Have you wondered if she treated him like trash to get him to chase her? Just like she did with you.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_01] Instead it pushed him away. Just like it did you. Nate says, Your dad staying with a woman who treated you poorly means he doesn't care how she treats you. Another commenter says, I understand OP. She's 19. She doesn't want to lose both parents. The reality is that it doesn't sound like either parent was really great. Both were too caught up in their own personal lives to really prioritize OP's feelings. But the good thing is that it sounds like OP is building an independent life with a support system.

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_01] And I think she'll be able to process a lot of this as she gets older. OP says he does care. He's told me if she says anything else to tell him right away. She told me she just is new to the whole step parent thing and apologized. I'm just not a fan. But I'm moving out soon and it might just be space issues. And one more commenter who says, What happened between your parents is between them. And should not impact your relationship with your dad. He has proved time and time again that he's a good parent.

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_01] Your mother has proved time and time again that she's a shit mum. Ice her out and match her energy. Which is to treat you like you don't exist. I cannot believe she did not invite you to a wedding. That is ridiculous. OP says it was so hurtful. I knew they went on vacations without me and I had gotten over that. But when I saw the pictures and realized they got married, I cried for like two days straight. I couldn't believe she had some girl who has a mum of her own there and not me.

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01] She definitely won't be invited to my wedding and will never meet my children when I have them. I don't care if she gets sick and asked to see me. She'll never see or talk to me again for the rest of her life. And it's her own fault. And I can't feel bad about it. Oh, that is so incredibly sad and infuriating again. I don't blame OP for what she's doing one bit, but it's just sad because, you know, this is still going to hurt. And the mum in this talking about boundaries. That wasn't boundaries. That was just punishment.

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_01] Again, like OP said to grovel for scraps of affection that she's never actually going to receive. You know, three days notice to see your own daughter. What the fuck? Being told you have to accept someone as part of your family. You have to accept them. And finding out you was excluded from Christmas, the wedding and the tradition of the ballet. And she saw it on social media. Saw, you know, saw her sister, her mum and the mum's stepdaughter

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_01] all there doing what she used to do. That's just mind blowing, isn't it? And then you've got the dad in this situation. Who's not great either. You have the affair, the snippy girlfriend. And, you know, is that behavior going to change really? You know, we've seen some absolute horror stories. Maybe it will, of course. But at the same time, at least he shows up in this situation. At least he's answering her calls. But when OP said, you know, she was moving out with friends, it seems like in some ways,

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_01] I think it's the best possible outcome from OP. It sounds like she needs distance from all of this. And yeah, what about the fucking therapist in this? That she needs to start seeing things from other people's point of views. What the hell? Instead of validating that none of this was her responsibility to fix. And going off a bit here, but some of this story brought me back to the therapy sessions I've been going to. And, you know, my therapist always has a little, tells me off in a jokey kind of way for doing what OP does in some of this story.

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_01] Like thinking with an adult brain about what 13 year old self was actually going through. Like OP saying that they wasn't perfect and they should have sucked it up on Mother's Day when they had COVID. But, you know, that's OP as an adult 19. I'm air quoting that one. You judging child you without the knowledge and perspective that that kid never had. When you were 13, you were asked to stay at dad's during the week. You weren't making some, you know, calculated move.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_01] You were a kid who kept getting in trouble for leaving uniforms at the wrong house. Who was exhausted from switching homes every two to three days. Who needed reliable transport to school and sports. You know, you weren't picking sides. You were literally surviving. And honestly, it breaks my heart to almost tears. And feel myself welling up about what a 13 year old must have been thinking in those moments. The absolute confusion. Because again, you didn't know about the affair. You're 13.

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_01] You just saw your mum was going through a rough time. And likely probably thought, mum doesn't care about me anymore. Because that's how children's brains work. Your mum needed therapy. Like one of the comments said. Your mum needed therapy and support to process what she was going through. But what she did instead was punish you, a child, for your dad's choices. And she still does it now with her boundaries. And you simply deserve so much better. And I really do hope that you find that when you move out.

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_01] And you find your own self really rooting you and wishing you all the best. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from CommonExpression740 from the AmITheArseOrHere subreddit. It says, AmITheArseOrHere for immediately saying no. But my husband asked me to stop wearing earrings because he said they make a woman look older.

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_01] My husband, 41 male, looks significantly younger than me. 43 female. Yesterday, my husband said he would like to talk to me. He told me he loves me and that nothing will ever change that. He said I'm an amazing mum. And more sweet things. Then he mentioned how earrings make a woman look older. He asked if I could stop wearing earrings. As they're making me look older. In less than 20 seconds of him asking, I said no. I don't think I've ever rejected a request from my husband so fast.

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_01] I usually think things through for a longer period. My husband said he's disappointed that I answered no so quickly. I got annoyed with him and told him he has to deal with the fact that he has an old looking wife. He said he didn't want to deal with me when I'm like this. And he walked away. AmITheArseOr. So, there were some comments with OP replying. The first commenter said not the arseOr. So, earrings make you look old. Okay, I guess I look extra old.

[00:28:35] [SPEAKER_01] And so does my teenage daughter because we both have multiple piercings. Not a single part of that argument makes sense. There has to be more to it than just earrings. OP says, I don't know. I'd always thought earrings makes girls and women look younger. Someone says, what kind of earrings does OP wear? OP says, white diamond stud earrings are the most common. I also wear hoops. Someone says, has OP's husband asked her to change something else besides the earrings?

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_01] OP says, he hasn't asked me to change anything else. Edit. After thinking about it, it's not true that he hasn't asked me to change anything. He wants me to fix my acne. But that's something we both want. He has a habit of telling me when I smell. Even if it's from working. But he doesn't phrase it in a way of criticism. There are things I can say that are on the borderline of criticism. Only the earrings thing and the acne thing are things he directly criticized.

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_01] Someone says, how long has this been going on from her husband and making criticism on her physical appearance? OP says, the comments about my body odor started after we got married. The comments about my acne started when my acne came back in late 2024. My doctor has ruled out perimenopause for me. But I can still ask my husband to learn about perimenopause. Because if he has a problem with how I look now, it's going to be worse during perimenopause and menopause. Commodore says, there's obviously age bias going on with him.

[00:30:01] [SPEAKER_01] Is it that he looks younger than his age or you look older for your age in your opinion? You may have heard comments or feel insecure about aging and want you to look younger than him or the same age. Our culture is incredibly ageist. Even in progressive areas like mine. I see workshop jobs for job seeking older adults advertised. Specifically to deal effectively with this issue. And again, I'm in a progressive area. Obviously ageism hasn't been tackled yet. Especially the age bias against women.

[00:30:31] [SPEAKER_01] OP says, instead I look 43 and he looks like he's in his 20s. Despite the fact that we're a different ethnicity. There have been times people thought I was his mum. Someone says, does OP's mother-in-law wear earrings? Would that play a role in his comments to OP? OP says his mum doesn't even have pierced earrings. Or pierced ears maybe. OP are not a husband's background that makes him look younger. OP says he's an American man of Japanese ancestry. All the adults over 25 in his family look younger than their age. His mum looks my age.

[00:31:01] [SPEAKER_01] Commodore says, I can't make heads or tails of his logic. And thought it could be a cultural thing he picked up from his family. It seems like earrings are far more common among younger Japanese women. So that can't be it. Did he explain why he thinks it makes you seem older? OP says, I doubt his cultural. Most of the women in his family wear earrings. Someone asks how long OP's been married. OP says, been married for 18 years. And a communist says, oh, see now. I'm getting pissed on your behalf. 18 years.

[00:31:30] [SPEAKER_01] He knew you weren't Asian when he met you. He started on your smell after marriage. Have you bounced any of these scenarios amongst any of your trusted girlfriends or family members that you know truly love and care about you? If so, did any of them see this as normal? OP says, I just mentioned to someone else. I'm a soft-spoken pushover who avoids confrontation. I also avoid saying anything bad about my husband to in-real-life friends. Also, all his ex-girlfriends are white.

[00:31:58] [SPEAKER_01] As an adult, all his ex-girlfriends are white women who were older than him. So he should have known what he was getting into. But OP does come in with an update and says, Before the update, I, 43 female, want to answer a frequent question. My husband, 41 male, had said on Saturday something about earrings highlighting a woman's face. How it can highlight wrinkles. That's why he said earrings make a woman look older. To clear up some confusion about how I word things.

[00:32:25] [SPEAKER_01] He didn't mean that if a girl or woman in her 20s wears earrings, they end up looking like a grandma. By earrings making a woman look older, he just meant older than if they weren't wearing earrings. The update. I, 43 female, had decided that I shouldn't act like a pushover like I normally do. I decided that I needed to confront my husband about what he said on Saturday. This morning, he talked to me. He said he loves me and he said he's sorry that he hurt my feelings.

[00:32:51] [SPEAKER_01] He admitted that he finds me less physically attractive than I was in my 20s and 30s. Not only because of my aging, but also because of my adult acne. He said I'm definitely not ugly, but I'm still cute. He said he's angry at himself for caring about such superficial stuff. He specifically apologized for asking me to stop wearing earrings. He said he honestly didn't think I would get so angry. I confronted him about the other stuff he said that sounded like criticisms.

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_01] He said that stuff was just flirting and he apologized for being insensitive. He told me he loves me and he will never ask me to change anything about my appearance again. I was honest with him about all the activities I was doing on Reddit. He said he's not angry that I reached out for perspectives. He said it's fine if I talk to my family or friends about this. He said I need to feel more comfortable expressing how I really feel. Something many women will find pathetic. I asked my husband how less physically attractive I am now.

[00:33:46] [SPEAKER_01] He said in my 20s and most of my 30s, I was smoking hot. Now I'm a cutie. I asked him what will happen when I age more. What about when I turn 50, then 60, then 70, then 80? He said plenty of 80 year old women are adorable. He said he knows he messed up royally, but he is asking me not to leave him over this. He said he loves me and will love me forever. I don't know how to feel right now. The commenter said to OP after this, your update doesn't help the image of your husband.

[00:34:15] [SPEAKER_01] I'm sorry you married such a superficial controlling man. What happens when you get even older? He'd trade you in for a newer model because that's all he cares about. Don't believe his deflection. In all sincerity, better you leave him now and have time to rebuild your life as a relatively young woman than to wait until you're 60 and it's much harder on every level. OP says I definitely don't feel reassured about what he said. Commodore says yeah. He's soft launching his, babe I love you but I'm not in love with you.

[00:34:45] [SPEAKER_01] The balls to tell you you're losing your hotness because you're growing old with him. OP says I don't know what to make of the information he's told me. The commenter replies and says that he's an idiot who somehow thinks he still looks like a 20 year old. He doesn't. No one does. Without real housewives work. OP says I may get downvoted for saying this. I've never heard him say he looks young. There's other people who say it. His whole family looks young. The commenter says not 20 years young.

[00:35:15] [SPEAKER_01] No one does. Stop giving him alibis. Trust me. As ugly as he's being to you, it shows on the outside too. OP says I'm not saying he's justified because of his youthful appearance. In fact, it's annoying because he easily could have married a woman who's Asian instead of me. When we met, I already looked older than him. OP then responds to a comment making excuses for her husband's comment to her. OP says people have commented that maybe he's cheating. Maybe he is. But I should say I do look significantly different.

[00:35:46] [SPEAKER_01] The commenter said to OP, stop it. You're making excuses for his response to you. I've read all your responses on here. And sister, you need to free yourself of this baggage. You're beautiful inside and out. Now believe it and go live your best life. OP says my husband is an asshole. But I don't know if I'm a good person. I know I don't deserve what happened to me. But I'm not 100% innocent. The commenter says again, you are deflecting and doubting yourself now. This is your sign to leave, girl.

[00:36:16] [SPEAKER_01] Get out before you feel a shell of yourself. OP says I should have put this in the post. The reason I didn't is because my husband immediately said he forgave me. And that I didn't have to tell this to other people. Yesterday, I flirted with a guy in DMs. He made me feel sexy. And in a way, my husband hasn't made me feel in years. Ended up masturbating, reading how this guy found me sexy. There, I said it. I'm not this innocent wife everyone is treating me as. Commodore says, go find you again.

[00:36:44] [SPEAKER_01] Forgive yourself and believe everyone in here. Granted, there's always more size to the story. But you've told yours. And now you get to decide how the rest of the book goes. OP says, I think everyone in here can see that I have a self-esteem problem. I have to work on that. And the final commenter says, he called you a cutie. I'm 46 female. And I kicked my husband's ass for saying that to me. After he said the other stupid shit your husband said. Please know your worth. OP says, I know. Our marriage will likely fail.

[00:37:14] [SPEAKER_01] He ruined everything. Oof. That one stings to read. There was a line in this where it said. Where OP confronted him about the criticisms. And he said that stuff was just flirting. What? Complaining about her acne and her body odor. I mean, what the fuck? It sounds like she's been putting up with him criticizing her since the wedding. The body odor comments. The acne. And now the policing. What jewelry she wears.

[00:37:41] [SPEAKER_01] Then saying to her, you've gone from smoking hot to cute. And then try to soften the blow with 80 year olds can be adorable. I mean, fucking hell mate. That's not the reassurance you think it is. If I was in OP's position. I'm not sure how I would be able to look past that. Knowing that he's been thinking this way for years. Whilst he's also been like almost silently downgrading her over time. For me. And it might seem brutal.

[00:38:08] [SPEAKER_01] Is one of those ones where this guy has shown you exactly who he is. And now it's time to believe him. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.

[00:38:53] [SPEAKER_00] Let's go. See the sun shining from the window.