My Husband Is Acting Suspicious So I Got My Uncle To Follow Him - I'm Shocked

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? Then that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from Hella Preggers from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And it says, I 32 female think my husband 33 male may be having an affair with the girl 19 female next door. I'm also pregnant. My husband and I have been married for four years, dated for seven. We have one son, two, and I'm six months pregnant. I love him deeply. He's a very busy lawyer and often comes home late at night.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00] I never thought he'd cheat on me, but since I began to get bigger, we've been having less sex. A few months ago, a young woman moved into the condo about two doors down. She's a very beautiful girl, but a bit aloof to me. We did invite her over to a dinner party when she first came. A few weeks ago, I noticed that my husband followed her on Instagram and added her on Snap. I asked him about it and he said she followed him first and he didn't want to be rude.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00] Last week, I started noticing him using his phone more and more and generally being distracted. He said it was due to work, but two days ago, I saw a snap notification on his phone with our neighbor's name on it. I asked him why he was Snapchatting her and he said that she was interested in law and she was asking him career advice at 12am apparently via Snapchat. Yesterday, I was taking his suits to the dry cleaners and found a receipt for a sushi restaurant from a few nights ago when he said he was working late at the office.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00] The sushi restaurant is close to our condo complex and nowhere near his office. There were two meals billed on the receipt. I confronted him when he came home from work and he said he took a client out for dinner. But there were so many nice restaurants near his office. Why the one near our house?

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00] I'm almost 90% certain he's cheating. What should I even do? I'm about to be a mother of two. I never even prepared for the possibility of this happening in our marriage and definitely not this soon. Advice, please. So, the first commenter comes in with advice saying, given you can't be certain he's cheating yet, the first thing you need to do is quit confronting him for every discrepancy you notice.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00] By doing so, he'll become more and more aware of your picking up on his activities, whatever they are. If those activities involve cheating, your actions will likely cause him to be more stealthy and adept at covering his tracks. Use more restraint and let the evidence pile up until you can ascertain what's really going on. And be sure to document your findings however you can. In the meantime, act like your antenna isn't up and let him relax around you.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter says, I would tell my partner that him being a 33-year-old man snapchatting a 19-year-old is completely inappropriate and she can ask Google or any other lawyer for advice. Unacceptable. Another one says, do you have the disposable funds necessary to hire a private investigator? In part to confirm, but also as an investment for a more favorable divorce settlement. Opie says we have a joint account and he might get suspicious if I withdraw a large sum of money. Maybe I can just investigate it myself.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, and I'm pretty much with all the comments on this one. Late night snapchatting a 19-year-old suddenly glued to his phone and then dinner for two near their home when he said he was working late. You know, again, it's a pattern, isn't it? And honestly, even if he wasn't cheating, big if. A 33-year-old man privately messaging a 19-year-old like that commenter said, at midnight is already inappropriate on its own. It doesn't scream normal behavior, especially when you're married with a pregnant wife at home. Absolute red flags all around.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00] But Opie does come in with an update and says, thanks for everybody's advice on my first post. It's been an interesting week to say the least. Last Friday after work, he left for a supposed weekend golfing trip with his two friends to a place only an hour drive away. Before he left, I texted the wife of one of his friends if she wanted to get together for brunch on Sunday. She said she had plans with her husband. I texted the wife of his other friend and, surprise, she confirmed that her husband was at home and not going on any trip.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00] I pretended like I didn't know and said goodbye to my husband as usual. However, I asked my retired uncle, 65, to follow my husband's car. My husband does not know my uncle, so I thought it was a good plan. My uncle followed him to the airport and took a picture of him walking with the neighbor girl. He followed them and said they checked into an airline with flights going to the Caribbean. I thanked my uncle and gave him money for gas and his time, but he refused.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00] I was obviously devastated and my son and I stayed with him and my aunt for the night. They advised me to find a good divorce lawyer right away. When my husband came home Sunday night, I said I was filing for divorce. He acted really shocked and hurt and asked me why. I said I knew about his affair and I had proof so he could stop acting stupid. He said I was mistaken and then asked whether he enjoyed his beach vacation and the look on his face was just undeniable. I guess he finally realized he was backed in a corner and had no more lies left to tell.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00] I told him I just wanted to know why. He said that he was shy and insecure growing up and that he had really low self-esteem. He said he felt validated by the attention of a younger woman and said it made him feel wanted. He admitted that it was a crush gone wrong. I said there's no way I can trust him again. He said that's understandable and that he was sorry I had come to this. He said he probably made a mistake by marrying in his 20s. That some men were ready to settle down at that age, but he realized he was not one of them.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00] He said that he still loved me though, but that it was best if we went our separate ways. The shittiest part of all this? He's staying at his mistress's condo a few doors down while we get our divorce. It will be a long few months, but I'm getting a good lawyer and making sure the future of my kids are secured. I also have a good support system around me. I'm planning on moving to another city after the divorce. It will be a while before I can learn to trust again. I've never hurt so much in my entire life.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00] This level of betrayal from someone you thought was your soulmate is just indescribable, but I'm going to remain hopeful. Thanks for everyone's help and support. I wish it turned out different. Yeah, it's one of those updates where it's just bloody awful, but also really not surprising at the same time. OP was picking up on the red flags, immediately spotted the pattern, and there was something there. Basically him living a double life on the weekends, and his reason? I felt validated.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, mate, you've got a pregnant wife and child at home. That's not validation. That's selfishness. And his response when he was explaining himself just felt like incredibly cold. Like him just accepting the divorce. I know it's going to happen, but like, yeah, I probably shouldn't have married young. Let's go our separate ways. It's like, mate, what the hell? He just came across as really cold. With the fact that he's staying a few doors down with the neighbor as well. What an absolute arsehole. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Pianist Holiday 3484 from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, Am I the Arsehole Here for telling my father to accept that my brother isn't my responsibility? I, 35 female, have a complicated relationship with both my father and his wife Denise. Fake name for several reasons. Some of which relate to my half-brother Jake, 9 years old.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00] There's a lot of backstory here, but to sum things up, Jake exists because Denise wanted a baby and my father was upset that both his daughters were moving out. They expected me and my sister, 29 years old, to have an active role in caring for Jake. That wouldn't be possible for either of us, but they continued to assume we'd give in. We didn't, which led to multiple fights that soured my relationship with our father. Denise also got mad at me for refusing to be her village.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00] I got pregnant with my first child when Jake was still a baby, which made her even more angry that I wouldn't help her as much as she wanted. Things at their household aren't great. Jake isn't well-behaved. My father is not a very active parent, though he is more present than he used to be. And the older Jake gets, the more Denise loses interest in parenting. They never stop trying to get me to help take care of their son.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00] To this day, whenever they need a babysitter, they call me first, even though I'm almost never able to do it. They've tried multiple things over the years, but most of their current strategies concern my children. Sam, 8 male, and Katie, 4 female. My kids do not get along with Jake, but not for lack of trying on my father and Denise's part. They've tried setting up playdates, aka Denise dumping Jake on me and my kids while she went shopping. Making them share a room on family vacations.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_00] And my father even considered changing Jake to Sam's school a few years ago. Every time there's an opportunity to make the kids spend time together, they push for it. That brings us to now. My husband and I are planning a trip to France with our children in September to celebrate Katie's fifth birthday. We don't travel much and the trip will include Disneyland Paris, so the kids are thrilled. My father found out and decided to propose that we bring Jake with us. He said he'd pay for all the expenses. Lights and hotels.

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_00] So that his son could go to Europe with my family. I said no. We wanted this trip to just be us and our kids. He kept insisting that Jake would love going to Disney with us. That he and Denise really wanted some nice child-free time. And that they'd appreciate it if I took care of my little brother like a good sister. We had an argument. And I ended up losing my patience. I told my father that he needs to accept that Jake is not my responsibility and never will be.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_00] And that he and Denise should have thought about their child-free time before having a child. My father is furious. He accused me of saying I wish Jake was never born. I didn't. And called me an ungrateful brat for refusing to take care of my brother. Denise later called me to yell a few insults as well. I don't think I'm in the wrong for refusing to bring Jake along. But I'm not proud of what I said to my father. My husband is on my side. But things was too harsh. Edit. I didn't explain this clearly enough.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00] But my father only offered to pay for Jake's flights and whatever extra accommodation costs were needed for him to stay with us. He did not offer to fly my whole family to Europe. Now for me, I totally get OP here. This sounded like it was going to be a disaster waiting to happen from the start. The whole idea of being a village. Which, you know, we've seen it before. Only works when people choose to be a part of it. You can't just decide to have a child and then, you know, assign responsibility to your adult kids like it's a given. That's not a village. That's an expectation. And it's beyond bloody cheeky.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00] And with everything she described, this isn't a one-off ask. It's been years of them trying to push Jake onto her. So, yeah, I can understand why she snapped a bit. But at the same time, I gotta say, I do feel for Jake. Because none of this is his fault. He didn't ask to be in this situation. And it sounds like he's stuck in a household where neither parent is really stepping up properly. And I wonder, you know, what his home life is like. So, yeah, OP's absolutely right to set up boundaries. But it's hard not to feel sorry for the kid that's caught in the middle of it all.

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00] But a commenter says, not the arsehole. I think your stepmother and father are ridiculous. If they wanted child-free time, why not get a babysitter and go on vacation? Or better yet, all go on a family vacation. I think your father fails to realize you have a family of your own now. And they aren't the main priority anymore. OP says, I think this happens mostly because I'm the eldest, honestly. He's always expected me to be more of a caretaker. My father wasn't a very active parent to me and my sister when we were babies.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_00] So, I feel like he expected us to help when Jake was a baby. So that he wouldn't have to put too much elbow grease into it. And Denise very openly expected us to be okay with doing unpaid babysitting whenever she asked. Another commenter says, there's a lot of expectations without verification of participation on your part. I assume there was no family meeting before the baby was conceived. No polling the family for caretaker ability. Of course not. If they asked, they would have known they'd be on their own.

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, my father had talks with me and my sister years before Jake was conceived to tell us that Denise wanted a baby. He didn't say he also wanted one. And to me, it seemed pretty obvious that he didn't. They kept saying that he might be okay with thinking about it. I told him it was a bad idea. When Denise got pregnant, I was working and planning my wedding and in the middle of moving in with my now husband. While my sister was a full-time college student. The commenter says, sounds like Denise wanted a baby but not a child. Still, not your problem.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00] And if your kids don't like to spend time with your brother, they shouldn't be forced to do so. Especially during a grand vacation. Rest easy. You're in the right with saying no to all the requests. OP says, I'd never agree to take Jake on the trip. 10 days in a foreign continent taking care of someone else's child sounds like a nightmare. Especially given he doesn't get along with my children. And while my father did say he'd cover Jake's expenses, I know there would still be stuff I'd have to pay for.

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_00] OP then responds to a comment on the gender role reversal of being a male caretaker in the family's background. OP responded, I'm almost certain this wouldn't be happening if I were a man. And Denise did want a girl. Not to make her a caretaker just because she thought it would be cute to have a mini me. I think one of the reasons she resents me is the fact that I did have a daughter. As for culture, we're all 100% South American. Denise has German ancestry. But not in any ways that matter.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00] We do have a strong notion of the meaning of family in my country. But not specifically to the point older siblings are always expected to care for the younger. Denise is Christian. My father is a reluctant churchgoer. Neither me nor my husband practice any religion. Edit because someone PM'd me. I'm pretty sure her grandfather left Germany in the 1920s or early 30s. And no, we're not from Argentina. Someone asks, why doesn't OP's father and Denise get a babysitter or a nanny?

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_00] OP says they refuse to get a nanny because Denise works from home and thinks paying for one would be pointless. Pretty sure there are no boarding schools in my country. And they wouldn't send Jake abroad. Someone says where's OP from? And OP says we're from South America. Another commenter says, personally, I wouldn't be talking to Denise and block her or mute her. All conversations would be only with my father and he'd be on thin ice and low contact for a while. It's sad because it sounds like his wife wanted a baby, not a kid. And now she has a kid. And she can't be bothered.

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00] Not the arsehole. OP says that's exactly what I think. She was hyper-involved in Jake's life until he started forming sentences. I don't think she's a bad mother. And she's not abusive. But she clearly had some very high expectations of motherhood that weren't met. Jake's behavior doesn't help. OP adds on Jake's behavior says he's spoiled. But not Sveruca level. He's mostly just rude. He makes fun of people. Does mean pranks and refuses to listen when you tell him to stop doing something.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_00] Denise also refuses to discipline him in any real way. Which I think is reflected in the way he doesn't really respect other people. Especially women. Oof. OP adds context on her father's and Denise's age and says for context, Denise is 50. She had Jake a few months before her 41st birthday. My father is in his 60s. OP on her kid having a relationship with Jake and if she has babysat him before. OP says, I will say that I do limit the amount of time my kids spend with Jake.

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_00] Especially now that I know for sure they don't like him. I don't agree to playdates and only babysit if there is literally no other option. In the past two years, I agreed to babysit Jake once. A commenter says, OP, I'm curious how your sister manages her relationship with your father, Denise and the expectation that she helped raise Jake. Does she have her own family as well? OP responds saying my sister lives with her boyfriend. Currently no kids in a different state. But she speaks with her father a lot.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_00] They talk at least once a week. Their relationship was awful back when Jake was born but has since gotten much better. He was always more upset at me because I'm the eldest. We'll try to visit each other a few times a year. And strangely enough, the Jake situation brought me and my sister closer together. Despite the distance, we're closer than ever right now. And a commenter says, Dad and stepmom should consider taking Jake to Disney. Apparently they can afford it. They can also hire a nanny to care for Jake if they aren't into parenting. Poor Jake.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00] His life must not be great. But it could be if his parents at least tried to have a relationship with him themselves or if they weren't so persistent in wanting him cared for free of charge. A good nanny, even part-time, could give Jake a stable upbringing emotionally. OP says they already have. Twice. They try to travel with him at least once a year. So OP did come in with their update and says, Hi everyone. It's been about a week since I posted so I thought I'd give you an update.

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00] First of all, I don't regret posting here and I'm very thankful for your responses. But I want to make it clear that my relationship with my father, like all relationships, is very nuanced. I won't try to defend him and I don't think he's a great guy, but he is my father and I love him. This is a very small part of my life and I'm not willing to completely cut ties with him over it. I am, however, willing to go low contact, which is what I've decided to do. My sister flew over on Friday to spend her birthday weekend with us.

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_00] On Saturday, we did what we do every year on our birthday. Lunch with our mother. Dinner with our father. He hosted at his place. It wasn't as tense or awkward as I expected, but Denise barely spoke to me and my husband all night. Jake was there and behaved better than usual. After my sister left, my father and Denise asked to speak with us in private. I ended up going on my own while my husband stayed with the kids in the living room. They made me an offer.

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00] They said Denise would agree to babysit my children every other Saturday, which they repeatedly said would be a tremendous hassle and extremely inconvenient for her, both to get them better acquainted with Jake and to give us some time off, if I agreed to reconsider letting their son come to France with us. Alternatively, they said they'd be willing to let go of their disappointment about the trip if my husband and I agreed to babysit Jake every other Saturday until September, so they could have some free time. They expected me to choose either option.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00] I said no to both. This was the first time in a while that I didn't even feel the need to explain myself. My father tried to end the conversation, but Denise started ranting about how exhausted she was and how horrible it felt not to be able to rely on family. When she was done, I told them not to contact me until they were ready to apologize and went to get my children. Denise thankfully didn't have a meltdown in front of them before we left. Earlier today, I got a text from my father.

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00] He said he wanted to apologize and we ended up on a phone call. Apparently, he'd realized they were being unreasonable during the dinner, but decided to go through with the offer anyway. I asked him whether Jake knew about the trip, which had been bugging me, and he said no. Denise apparently wanted to tell him that we were going to Disney and refusing to take him with us, but he told her that was both cruel and pointless. We did get some more stuff out of the way, but the talk felt more like an attempt to give us excuses than an apology.

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00] In the end, I told him I was going to need some space. I said that the way that they had treated me was unacceptable, and it is only my love for both of them and Jake that is keeping me from completely cutting ties. I added that I loathe the way his wife and their son treat me and my children, and I'm sick of being expected to bend over backwards to help him and Denise. If patterns are to be believed, I won't be hearing about this for a while. I don't think the matter is closed, but I don't care. I did mute Denise's contact for now.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_00] My husband and I are doing great. We're back to talking about the trip. If anyone has tips, let me know. Turns out, we suck at this. Sam and Katie have no idea anything happened, but I'm going to have a deeper talk with them about Jake, my father, and Denise soon. This upset me a lot more than it should have. I love my family, but I hate how used to I am to how crazy they can be. I think that is why I posted here in the first place. I can't believe I ever thought I was in the wrong for putting my foot down.

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00] As much as I don't want to cut contact with my father, I do think lowering it will be good for me. I've been reflecting a lot about my life and my family these days. I'm getting my thoughts in order before I see my therapist on Tuesday. I think writing this all down is helping. Thank you. I have no intention of updating again. A commenter just laughs and says, Those offers were fucking enticed as fuck. For the first one, I wouldn't be trusting her with my kids, let alone around her kid who she barely parents and harasses my kids.

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00] The second offer, the fucking audacity. I just don't understand how someone can be so delusional or selfish. AP replies saying, I never liked Denise, not even before Jake. At this point, the feeling is mutual, which is probably my fault, but I don't really care. I'd never trust her to babysit my children. The offer genuinely shocked me. They've been entitled before, but not this entitled. Commenter says, I would expect that the only way for Denise to like you would be for you to be her doormat.

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_00] She seems too entitled to accept any boundaries, no matter how diplomatic they are explained. OP responded saying, And Denise actually liked me a lot at first. I didn't because she was too pushy with me and my sister, too entitled in general, and because we had almost opposite personalities. Her opinion of me soured when Jake was born because I wouldn't help her as much as she thought I would. It got worse when I had my own babies because that showed her I was perfectly able to care for my children, just not hers.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_00] She's also very obviously still bitter about the fact I got to have a daughter and she didn't. I especially hate the way she treats Katie. Commenter says, It just seems utterly ridiculous that they have one child and cannot manage to parent him. They need professional help in learning how to manage him. OP says they are bad parents. I'm more than certain that they both love Jake, but it doesn't change it. I'm still convinced my father never wanted a third kid. In general, Jake has a weird childhood.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_00] He goes on multiple trips a year, attends the fancy religious private school his mother wanted him at, and is allowed to do almost anything he wants at all times. But his parents almost never correct his behavior, show little to no interest in what he likes, and barely spend time with him at home. I don't envy any of that, nor would I wish it on my own children. OP on Denise's high expectations, her paternal-sized thoughts of Denise and Jake. OP said, Denise's motherhood journey consisted of frequently not having her expectations met.

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00] She genuinely thought my paternal family would be as involved with Jake as they were with me and my sister when we were kids. It was never any way for that to happen for a number of reasons. She expected my aging father to be more present for Jake than he was for me and my sister when we were babies, even though he was pushing 60, and still working in regular hours when he was born. When Jake was born, my father and Denise openly expected me to immediately love him as much as I love my sister. That also didn't happen. OP says,

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00] where is Denise's side of the family? OP says her mother passed a few years ago. Her father died before we even met her. She doesn't talk a lot of her family due to some problems they had years ago. The rest of her relatives live in a different state. Yeah, the offer in that update pretty much says everything, doesn't it? Like, they genuinely thought this was a fair trade. Either take their child to another country with you or commit to babysitting every other weekend so they can have free time. Gee, bloody whiz.

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_00] But I like OP's response air quotes in this because she didn't feel the need to explain herself anymore, which is absolutely huge because before it sounded like she was constantly being pushed into, you know, justifying her actions, her perfectly reasonable boundaries, but now it's just, no, fuck this shit. But again, after this, I still feel for Jake in all of this. Yeah, he might not be the easiest kid to deal with right now, but that didn't just come out of nowhere. When you've got parents who are like in this story, inconsistent,

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00] completely disengaged and constantly trying to hand you off to someone else, that's going to show up in their behavior in some form. I find it really sad and worrying for him at the same time because if nothing changes, this doesn't just stay a difficult kid situation. It turns into a much bigger problem down the line. Again, OP is absolutely right to set the boundaries and protect their own family, but for me, it's hard not to feel a bit sad for the kid who's basically being passed around instead of properly parented. But again, just to reiterate, that's nothing to do with OP.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? OP went low contact. Do you think it should have went further? Do you think there was another option to this? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly is absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.