My Girlfriend Keeps A Log Book Of Our Conversations And I Think I'm Losing My Mind

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now our first story comes from the Am I Overreacting subreddit from pigletresponsible991. It says, Am I Overreacting? Girlfriend, 38 female, keeps a log book of our conversations. I think I'm losing my, 34 male, ability to remember things correctly. I don't really know how to start this. I'm a pretty logical guy I think, but as of late, I honestly feel like I'm glitching. My girlfriend is pretty great and our relationship has been really good these past three years.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00] But we have these alignment meetings every Sunday that she insists on. She says it's for healthy communication. But here's the weird part. If I bring up something she said, she'll pull out a notebook or like a spreadsheet on her laptop and show me her notes. They're so specific too. For example, she'll say something like, Actually, at 6.15pm on Tuesday, you agreed to come with me to a party at Caitlin's and Ryan's, her co-workers. Here is the transcript of what you said.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00] The thing is, I don't remember saying any of that. I don't even like her co-workers. They bore me into a coma and make me want to drink pints of vodka. I could have sworn I said I couldn't go because I had work stuff to catch up on, but that she should absolutely still go and have a great time. But she has it written down. She even had little audio snippets she's recorded for context. When I tell her that I feel like I'm being interrogated, she gets really, really nice and says something like,

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00] I'm just worried about your memory, babe. You've been under so much stress with your work. I'm just trying to keep us on the same page and I love you. Also, last thing. I found a folder on her computer yesterday labeled language calibration, which is strange. But what's really messing with me is full of notes and descriptions of how I respond to certain words. And it looked like she's categorized my moods based on my text syntax.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00] I feel like I'm living in a lab. Am I being paranoid? I feel like I'm losing my mind and I keep going back and forth in my head between I'm just being paranoid and no, this is actually really weird. Now, she said it's for healthy communication and it's absolutely not. It's just surveillance. Writing down agreements is one thing, but timestamping transcripts and secret audio clips and a boulder saying language calibration to analyze your reactions.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00] That's mad. It's almost like she's trying to build a case against you for something. And then you've got the gaslighting on top of everything. When you do bring it up, you're getting told that your memory is failing. But Sudden Albatross says this sounds like she is seeing how fast she can gaslight you. I don't like it. Does anyone else think you have memory problems like at work, etc? Lopi says that's the thing. It's literally only in these specific conversations with her.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00] This exhausting feeling like I'm going to have to record every word I say just to prove I'm not crazy. Another commenter says, oh man, reading this really creeped me out. I got such an eerie feeling thinking about it. It sounds like she's trying to trick you into making yourself sound or feel crazy and trying to make you believe or think you said things you didn't really say to get her way. It's definitely manipulation and gaslighting at the very least. I'd have a conversation with her about this and if she can't understand how weird it is to do this to her partner

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00] and stop this behavior, I'd consider breaking it off. Does anyone in your life notice your memory being off or you not remembering certain things? If not, I would definitely consider leaving her. She sounds mentally unstable to be honest. I couldn't handle this. Hoping you find a way out or a way to put a stop to this kind of manipulation tactic. Lopi says nobody has ever really mentioned anything about my memory before. I mean, sure, I forget things on occasion, but it's little stuff that doesn't impact my life, where I left my keys and stuff like that.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00] What I'm having trouble with is that she's so kind to me literally all the time. Literally all the time. That's what has me doing the back and forth I guess in my head. Danger says say this, hey honey, we need to talk. I notice you're using notes to record the substance of our conversations. Also, I saw the language calibration folder on the computer. This stuff makes me feel like I'm at work, permanently being called into meetings by HR. I don't want to live like that. Do you think you can give up your notes in computer folders?

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00] If you really need that to feel safe, then I feel we may not be suited for each other. And see how the conversation develops. Lopi says she actually works in HR. This is all making way more sense now. But these types of convos with her end, with me feeling crazy or somehow the convo gets steered somewhere completely different, at midway through, I'm not even sure how we got there. Accommoda says, is she a spy and you're some important government employee? Lopi says, well, I'm certainly not. Nor is she as far as I can tell.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00] And if her co-workers are any indication, then she's absolutely, most definitely not a spy. New Necessary says, sounds like she was previously in an emotionally abusive relationship, where she felt it was necessary to record interactions with her partner meticulously. If she never worked through it, she may actually end up taking on some behaviors of the offender from her past, as a way to reclaim control. I don't think she means to be malicious. But things that are not malicious can still be harmful or detrimental.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00] Being hypervigilant about communication and then being overanalyzing can actually take away from what is trying to be communicated. It actually sounds like you're not feeling like communication with her is very clear, based on her actions. Lopi says, she doesn't talk about her last relationships really. There's only really two she's ever mentioned. Both were nearly 10 years long. How do I ask if she was maybe in an abusive relationship? Any suggestions on how to approach that topic?

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00] Lopi did come in with her update, which was tagged as a final update and said, Reading through the comments really was a shock at first. I brought it up to her yesterday and asked about the logbook and the notes. She didn't get mad. Actually, she didn't really show any emotion whatsoever on her face at first.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00] It was weird. It was almost like she wasn't sure how to feel about it and just looked at me. Then she basically said that what she did was for my benefit. And because she wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. Which, okay, maybe that's what it was, but just taken way too far. And I'm also very laid back and really couldn't care less about perfect. And I've mentioned that. And she knows that. And I brought that up. Then she said she just has anxiety and wanted to make sure she said the right things. So we wouldn't fight.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00] And I thought about that too, but it didn't add up. I've literally never gotten angry or fought with anyone. Let alone her since we've been together. It's just not who I am. I don't really get angry. I'm generally unfazed by most things. I told her I needed some space and I thought it'd be best if I moved out for the time being. And that I was going to grab some stuff after we were done talking. And then I'd arrange to get the rest in the very near future when I could. No emotion from her whatsoever.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00] It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced. That's when I realized I wasn't in a normal relationship anymore. She was like, if that's what you want to do when someone is here just trying to be supportive and help you become the best version of yourself. I can't really describe it. You had to be there. All I know is the whole thing was really off. I feel kind of stupid for letting it drag on this long. But mostly I'm just relieved to be out of there and able to just stink.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00] I really appreciate the reality check you all gave me. I'm so grateful for the time you took to comment and share your thoughts. Am I overreacting? Medium says to OP, Has she always been this deadpan? Or is this robotic nature a new thing? OP says no, definitely a new thing. Never saw anything even remotely close to this with her before. Jew Yogurt says she's a sociopath who needs notes to fake emotions. Porcelain replies saying, You hit the nail on the head for real.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00] A regular person would have some sort of emotion after finding out. But she knew she was busted and was basically meh about it. OP says that's what it felt like. 100% just meh about the whole thing. Fake Safe Word says does she have Asperger's or autism or something? That sounds very not neurotypical. OP says not that I'm aware of. I've been in my head just trying to find other things that maybe I missed that would help make sense of everything.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00] And people were saying what an absolute trippy situation that would be. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Wedding Crap Throwaway who says, My 30 female friend, 29 female, isn't speaking to me after I RSVP'd no to her child-free wedding.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00] I saw the recent post about the child-free wedding drama and decided to ask for some help on my own child-free wedding situation. Although, I'm not sure if there's really anything that can be done about it. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married this spring on the other side of the country where she lives. Her wedding is going to be one of those huge fancy gala affairs with an $80,000 price tag. She's been planning it for three years. It is a big deal to her.

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00] Over the years, I've been happy to help her plan her wedding and enthusiastically gave my input on photographers, venue choices, color schemes, etc. However, she decided she wants a child-free wedding. That's fine. It's her wedding. She has only thinly-veiled contempt for children, which has been tough because I have an almost three-year-old child. So, I RSVP'd no to her wedding. I sent her a very nice, expensive gift along with the RSVP.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_00] I just couldn't make it work. The flight is so long. It'd be terrible to go just for an overnight or a weekend. I'm not emotionally ready to be away from my daughter for longer than that. It didn't seem reasonable to me to have my husband and I each take a week or so off work so we could fly there, only to have him stay in a hotel room with our daughter. There was no permutation of attending. That was not awful for me. So, I declined the invitation. She has not spoken to me since. It's been weeks.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00] She is a very wealthy, very beautiful, professional model, only child with a history of always getting what she wants. I'm worried that our friendship is ruined. Did I screw up? Is there any way I can salvage this? I know the mantra here is communicate, but she's not speaking to me, which makes that tough. Miss Trixie asks OP, Since you've been involved with the wedding plans for three years, has it really never come up in conversation about whether you'd be able to attend?

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_00] It's difficult to imagine how this could be possible, but even if it is, when you responded no, did you include a note as to why? OP says all conversations about the child-free element have been her complaining viciously about anyone who had a problem with it. Like my fucking bitch cousin asked if she could bring her idiot kids after I very clearly said it was child-free with no exceptions. In fact, I kind of got the impression that she was deliberately bringing these things up to me to be very clear that there would be no exceptions for me either.

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_00] So no, I didn't discuss it with her because it seemed like there was nothing to discuss. She obviously wasn't going to budge on the issue and it's her wedding so she can do what she wants. Miss Trixie replied to OP saying, Well of course she can do whatever she wants. I'm a little confused though. So you realized all along that you wouldn't be attending, correct? But you never said anything to her. I don't mean say anything in an effort to get her to change her mind about having children at the wedding. I'm talking about telling her what you've written here.

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_00] That you wouldn't be able to attend as you would not want to leave your child alone. So has she been under the impression that you were going to attend? If she did think that and you didn't explain anything on your RSVP, then I guess she's bewildered or upset that you're not coming because she assumed all along you would be. OP replied saying, It did come up briefly about a year ago but we didn't have a long discussion about it. I said something about how it was going to be really tough for my family to make it work. And she said something like, Lol, you can leave your kid at home.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00] Figure it out. A deleted user replied, It doesn't sound like you told her why you wouldn't come. Wouldn't you be upset if someone just said no and had no explanation? Especially if you've been part of her wedding for three years, helping her to plan it. Quoting OP, It's not halfway across the country, it's the whole way. Between the plane and hotel, it would be about $1,000 and 12 hours of flying for one weekend. I'm not willing to do that. I'm sure she'd have a lovely wedding without me there. And then says,

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_00] You should send her an email telling her that you would love to but can't afford to come to a wedding. You don't have the time for it with work and you don't have the money to fly there. Tell her you wish that you could come and you hope she has a really wonderful time. I agree with Lucy in the Sky, which is another Reddit user, when she said, If I was her and one of my closest friends couldn't make the effort, I'd be fairly upset as well. If your child is three, I don't see the big deal leaving her with dad for a weekend to be honest.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00] So, I think that if your friend does something amazing like offer to fly you out, you should totally go for it. It is a huge day for her and it sounds like you guys are really close. I don't think you should throw that away. OP says, Lots of people RSVP'd know to my wedding. I didn't call them up and demand explanations or stop speaking to them. She knows I have the money, but after an engagement gift, a bachelorette party, which I also had to fly away to for the weekend, a shower gift and a wedding gift,

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not spending another thousand dollars to fly for 12 hours for one weekend. GingerSnack replies saying, Wait, you flew away for a weekend to go to a bachelorette? OP says, Yes, it was an easy flight, about an hour, so I was happy to do that for a weekend. A wedding is a much longer flight, about six hours, which I'm not willing to do for a weekend. Soluble Maker says, Push it your wedding. Only ask because having an acquaintance RSVP know is very different than having one of your oldest friends RSVP know.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, No actually. Her husband has a severe flying phobia. So I asked if she thought they'd be able to make it before I sent the invitations out and she said there was no way. She also did not send a gift or attend my baby shower or send a gift for that. She has never met my daughter. OP then edits and says, Well, based on the near universal response that I'm the asshole here, I've drafted an apology email. I'm open to hearing any feedback since apparently I'm completely tone deaf when it comes to being in the wrong. It says,

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00] I'm so sorry. Husband will have to stay home with daughter though, so unfortunately he will not be able to make fiance's weekend events. I know how much work you put into planning everything.

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_00] I'm so sorry we're not able to come for all of it. Since I won't be there for the spa day either, if you ever want to come out to visit, we could go just the two of us. My treat. But I know it's hard for you to travel out here because of fiance. I don't want to make things any worse between us, but I do want to be honest. It hurt my feelings that you excluded daughter. She's such an important part of my life and you have never seemed happy for me. This is so petty, but you've never even liked the picture of her on Facebook. Not that it's important for you to do that, but it would be such a small gesture to show

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00] your support. Understood that you didn't want to come for my baby shower. I feel like it's been pretty clear that you just don't like daughter and you've never even met her. I wish you would give her a chance. I know I'm biased, but she's a pretty great kid. Like I said, I don't want to make it worse, but I do want to be completely honest with you. I hope we can put this conflict behind us. The last thing I would want to do is add any stress or complications to your wedding. I know how hard you've worked putting together an elegant and special day.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00] I'm so happy that you and fiance are going to have the celebration you dreamed of for so many years. And even if you got married at the courthouse, you would still be the most in love couple I know. Please accept my apology. Please talk to me so we can put this behind us. You can call, email, gchat, text, whatever you want. If you want to take a few days to think about it, I totally understand that too. Just please don't shut me out. Won't try calling or emailing again. We'll just wait to hear from you. And I hope I do.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00] I personally found the commenters on this one, well, I didn't agree with them personally because I think they're blaming OP for the wrong thing. You know, a child-free wedding is totally fine. We've covered that in stories before. But that means some parents, especially traveling cross-country, just won't be able to come. That's the trade-off. RSVPing no is exactly what RSVPs are for. And OP explained a lot about their history. The friend not attending OP's wedding, not sending gifts, hasn't met the kid and seems to openly dislike children.

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_00] But still expects OP to spend 1k and fly 12 hours. And in the end, it just reads to me as one of these friendships that's been unbalanced for a long, long time. So in the end, OP writing that apology note just came across as quite sad, I think. But OP did come in with their update and said, I waited to post this until the weekend because the reaction to the original post was so harsh, I had to leave work early in tears. My responses to comments were downvoted past minus 500.

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_00] The commenters called me a B, hideous, spoiled, entitled, a bad parent, and so on. A few people sent me private messages with actual advice, but they didn't want to post them publicly because anyone who didn't come at me with pitchforks was downvoted below zero. I will post more defensive stuff after the actual update. What happened? I sent my friend an apologetic email. At the advice I got here, I didn't try to raise any of the issues I had with her. I just apologized over and over and begged her for forgiveness.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00] She continued to ignore me, and her husband-to-be called me drunk late at night. It turns out that every single one of her girlfriends has chosen not to attend the wedding. Since I'm long distance, I didn't know this, but she had a huge falling out with her entire friend group, mainly over her bridezilla-esque behavior and comments like, I don't know how to interact with fat people, they make me uncomfortable. Every one of her local friends had already decided to boycott the wedding and end the

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_00] friendship, so I was the only friend she had left planning to come. My friend's husband told me all this while telling me that I was a fucking bitch and I ruined their wedding. He also repeatedly brought up, you know how much we spent on this, and told me I don't deserve someone like her as a friend. I'm not sure what to do at this point, or if I'm even still invited to the wedding. I feel terrible for her and completely understand why she's not speaking to me now. I wish she had just told me earlier how bad things had gotten with her local friends.

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_00] If she continues not to speak to me, I suppose that is the resolution, although not a happy one. Now, to defend myself against the vicious attacks that came at me in the last post. First, I want to clarify why I chose not to go. A lot of people accused me of making up excuses, but it was really all the factors put together that made it too inconvenient. The options, as I saw them, were, attend alone for a weekend. Undesirable because it's a long flight and a lot of money to spend for a single weekend.

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00] It's possible, but sounds miserable to me. Some people commented that they've done the cross-country flight there and back in a single day. Good for you guys, but it just sounds too unpleasant to me and I didn't want to do that. Go for a longer trip alone. I could have potentially made a longer vacation out of it, to give myself time to recover from the flight, jet lag, etc. But I don't want to leave my daughter for longer than a weekend. It's hard on her. Hard on my husband. And hard on me. I'll just miss her too much.

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00] My husband and I are both attorneys and we work long hours. And I already feel like I miss out on a lot of time with my daughter. So taking an entire week away would be too hard on me emotionally and I didn't want to do it. Go with the whole family. Husband and I both have to take time off work. So this would be our only vacation of the year. We would have to somehow arrange childcare on the other side of the country or my husband would have to miss the wedding. All of these are possible, but they sounded so undesirable that we agreed I would just

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00] send my congratulations and a gift and miss the wedding. I really didn't think it was that big of a deal because as I mentioned in a comment and someone said I should have put in the original post, she actually missed my wedding because of her husband's flying phobia. It didn't offend me at all. I understood perfectly well and had a very nice wedding anyway. To the people who said the friendship sounded like it's run its course, you're probably right. It makes me really sad because we went through a lot together.

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00] When we met, we were 18 and 19 and both worked in the modeling industry, although my time there was short. And we dealt with substance abuse and eating disorders and a lot of other heavy stuff. We supported each other through those things and I thought we were going to be friends for life, which is probably part of why it was so hard for me as she didn't support me when I went through the biggest transition in my life and I became a parent. I think there were other things I wanted to respond to, but that's all I can think of for now. I'm not sure if I'll be responding to any comments.

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_00] It makes me sound and feel really pathetic to admit this, but the last threat upset me so much I'm not sure I can take another one like that. But I did want to update and also defend myself from all the attacks. It was interesting that some of her other friends had pulled out of this, well all of the friends, her local friends pulled out of the wedding as well by the sounds of it. I wonder what else was going on in the background, but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_00] And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.