My Friend INVITED HERSELF To My Vacation And She Insists On Staying In My Room!

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Significant Break 316 from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit. It says, Am I The Arsehole?

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_00] My friend invited herself to my vacation and I won't let her stay with me. Everyone involved is in their early 40s female. I recently got divorced and it has been going very rough. I went to therapy and it helped me tremendously. I'm finally starting to feel like my old self. I got off my rusty dusty as my grandma would say, hit the gym, reconnected with my friends, and I feel good again.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00] My ex and I used to take frequent vacations, which I enjoyed. There was no reason for me to stop now, so I decided to organize a trip with my friends. I asked five of my friends if they wanted to go and three said yes. Diane was one of the ones who said no, as she already scheduled a few vacations and had limited time available. No problem.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00] So I researched and found a four bedroom Airbnb. Everyone will have their own room. One friend and I each have the master rooms. One bed in each room and the two other friends each have a double room. Two separate beds in each room. Everything is set, flights are booked, it's one month away and we're excited. And that brings us to this weekend. Diane called me and said one of her trips fell through and now she has availability to go with us on our trip.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_00] Great. I told her our host has multiple properties. I'll ask her if she has another one near ours or if she can recommend a hotel that is close to us. Diane got upset and asked why she can't stay with us. I told her all rooms are taken. She knows this, was telling her about the trip all along. She then asked why can't I switch rooms with one of my friends and she and I share a double room. I told her that I didn't want to.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00] Now call me selfish, call me mean, call me whatever, but make sure to add that I'm a grown ass woman who needs her space. I just spent 12 years sharing a room with my ex. I've happily adjusted to being alone. The other ladies are rarely away from their husbands and kids so they want their space as well. From the beginning the decision was that everyone would have their own room. I explained this to Diane. She doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it. She then called my friends. She's friends with them through me. We were going on the trip to see if they will share with her.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00] They all said no and suggested that she get an Airbnb or hotel near us and we're all hanging out together. I just want to state that we are all professional women who make good money, so money isn't the issue here. Diane often travels solo because she doesn't want to negotiate with anyone. Her words. She had her own room on the group trip that fell apart. We're not suggesting anything that she has not done previously. So now she isn't talking to any of us. I feel bad that I don't feel bad as much as I should.

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00] I've been through enough in the last year. I've just learned how to handle my feelings again. I can't manage hers as well. She knew we had finalized this trip. She knows everyone is looking to get away for their own reasons. We don't want drama and she's bringing it to us. Am I the arsehole for not accommodating her? Absolutely not the arsehole. Now, I love my friends dearly, but I love having my own space as well, especially if you're on holiday or something like that, even just staying, you know, on a city break or something. My own space.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00] I absolutely need it. And also, this wasn't even originally her trip. She already said no and only wanted in after her other holiday plans fell through, which fine in itself, but you can't decline an invite, come back later because your first option collapsed and then expect everyone else to rearrange the trip around you. It's a wild-ass mentality. And I personally would feel embarrassed to be that way. Just as I'm saying this, it reminded me of a Christmas work do that we went to Germany, the Christmas market in Frankfurt, and the company paid for it all,

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00] but we had to stay with other people and it was random people that they selected on the day. So we got to get to know each other from other departments. Oh, man, the guy was nice, but it was a fucking nightmare. Staying in a room with some random. I mean, come on. Originally, I asked their hotel if they had an extra rooms and I would actually pay for it because, as I said, it's not for me. We went out during the day. We had some drinks and stuff and we got back and this guy snored. And I mean, snored. I couldn't sleep.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_00] I was walking around bloody Germany at three o'clock in the morning because I just, I couldn't sleep. So I may as well have done something. Again, I went to the reception. I said, is there any rooms? I will pay anything. And he's like, sorry, no. But they pointed to the sofa in the reception area. I was like, okay, I took that instead. I mean, we're a bit off topic from the story here, but. The commenter said to OP, not the arsehole. She said, no. She doesn't now get to inconvenience anyone else because her plans fell through. OP replied saying, that's how I'm feeling.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00] We are a second choice and she wants us to scramble to accommodate her. Another commenter says, not the arsehole. I get it. I love traveling and I'm a woman who needs my space. I can share a room if I go into it knowing I'm going to share a room. But after all you've been through and how this trip was planned? Nope. It's too bad Diane's other trip fell through, but it was planned out this way for a reason. Have fun. So OP comes in one and a half months later and says, I posted over a month ago about my friend who invited herself last minute to my vacation.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00] I want to clear a few things that kept coming up in the comments. When I wrote the post, everything just happened and my frustration showed in my writing. Diane is a good friend of mine. I don't hate her. She can just be a bit much at times. I said she invited herself because she didn't ask to join us after our plans were finalized. She told us she was coming and expected us to accommodate her. We all specifically wanted our own rooms. The other ladies wanted to enjoy their spouse slash kid free time alone.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00] This was my first vacation in a long time without the ex-hubby, so I just needed some space. I hope you can understand. Now for the update. Although I was voted not the arsehole, many commented that maybe I wasn't a good friend. I felt bad about that, so I gave Diane another call to work things out and she answered. She wanted to know why I wouldn't accommodate her and I told her what I said above. I also reminded her of our previous trips when we roomed together. That took us down memory lane where we talked about all the things we used to get into. Lol.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00] It turned into a pleasant hour-long conversation. I discussed why it wouldn't be a good idea for us to share rooms. We just have different travel styles. I like to get up early, walk around, shop. She wants to sleep in and veg out. The last time we shared a room was a disaster. There were a few hiccups on that trip and she complained about it all day. Then again at night when we were in the room. I had no reprieve from the non-stop complaints. She was not always like that. She grew less tolerant over time, as we are, but she took it to an extreme.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00] She said she doesn't complain. She just observes where there can be improvements. Lol. We worked it out. The other ladies also made peace with her. Diane and a friend joined our trip and stayed at a nearby property. They were welcome to join us at our pool and other activities. Of course, the beginning was not smooth sailing. We had our vacation set up where we had two days of group excursions. The remaining days we would play it by ear. Just agreed to meet for dinner. I told Diane she and her friend could join us on the excursions.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00] She complained that they started too early. She went to the first one and complained that each stop was too short. We should have went with a private tour, etc. I pulled her to the side and asked her to stop complaining. To her credit, she stopped until we went to dinner and then she complained about everything all over again. I suggested that she not join the other excursion as it would be more of the same. She asked if I didn't want her around. I said not for the excursion. Lol. So we met for dinner on the other excursion day and hung out on other days.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00] With the exception of the one excursion. It went pretty well. So that's it. Nothing too dramatic and we managed to stay friends through it. Top commenter on this one said, I'm glad you managed to stay friends. I'm actually surprised she didn't complain more about not going on the second excursion. She sounds exhausting. I mean, the update just proved OP was right from the very beginning. Everyone bent over backwards to include Diane, found a compromise, even included her in the activities and just seemed to keep things friendly.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00] Yet she still spent the trip complaining. And the funniest part for me was, OP was incredibly diplomatic about it. Different travel styles is a very polite way of saying being trapped in a room listening to non-stop negativity, which sounds exhausting. That's what it came across to me anyway. And who were these people that were calling OP a bad friend in the first post? They were just unfair in my opinion. Wanting your own room at 40 years old on your own holiday is completely reasonable. And I would die on that hill.

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_00] And let's not forget, well, this was after divorce. Obviously, OP wanted her peace and her personal space as well. I guess the silver lining to this is Diane didn't actually completely blow up their friendship completely. And it sounds like it kind of worked out in the end. That's someone that I definitely, you know, they can come every once in a while, but I wouldn't want to listen to the complaining all the time. But what do you guys make of this situation? Maybe you found yourself in a similar one before. What about you? Would you prefer your own room?

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00] Or would you happily share with a friend? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from AdventurousBet6537 from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And it says, I, 23 female, think I need to move out of the house after dad, 48 male, requested I pay 1k a month in rent. I just made this today and don't want it on my main. I, 23 female, live at home with my dad, mom,

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00] and younger brother. And I also work from home. So here is the short version. I work for a pharmaceutical company as a data analyst and hopefully soon to be a data scientist once I finish some certifications. I've worked at this company for three and a half years. I started as an intern and once I finished my degree, I was given a full-time position. My parents' deal for me to live at home as an adult was to always contribute to the household. So we came up with what contributions to make sure there weren't any discrepancies.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00] Number one, pay the light bill because I am at home the most. Roughly $200 a month during winter and $350 during summer. Texas. Two, opted to pay for the water. $150. Gas, $50 to $80. Internet, $100. Three, my mother added for me to drive my brother around at reasonable request. So I usually pick him up after school from practice and he plays like a million sports and is in a trillion clubs. This is until he can get a car.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00] I also drive him to places if I can. Four, I pay for my own cell phone, car insurance and subscriptions. Five, I still have chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. So does my brother. Well, my dad came to me last week and asked that I start paying $500 a month. Cheap, yes I know, because he doesn't think I contribute enough to the house. This rubbed me the wrong way because I feel that I do. I know $500 is cheap and I won't get anything cheaper out there but that will mean

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00] I will be paying $1k a month to live at home. So I said, if I'm going to start giving cash for living at home then I am a tenant, not a family member, contributing to the house. If I'm going to pay rent then I want a lease. I want to be able to come and go as I please. I don't want to pay the monthly bills because then it should be covered in my rent and the obligation of driving my brother around should also go out the window. He is my brother and I will always accommodate him because we get along but not the point. He got upset and said I was being petty and not thinking clearly

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00] and if I leave I will not be allowed back when I realize the world is harder than $500 a month and when I fall on my ass. He will not help me. I looked around and I can get a studio apartment or a one bedroom for $1,200 and I get my own space and privacy and more than likely not spend too much more money. I would save on utilities alone so it wouldn't be that much more expensive and I can get my desk out of my room. He's been ignoring me for the past week until today. My mom asked for me to take the day off to discuss this

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_00] and didn't want my brother home because she didn't want him to see us arguing which is weird because why would we be arguing and not discussing? My mom tried to negotiate that I don't pay utilities and my rent is $750 a month but I still had to do chores and keep the same routine with my brother. Also the house rule would be no noise or company past 9pm Sunday through Thursday and midnight on Friday and Saturday unless I requested ahead of time and absolutely no men can spend the night or be in my room.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00] Weird because this was never an issue. My dad stayed quiet the entire time but I could tell that he was bothered. I said that wouldn't work because I spend money on gas to drive my bro everywhere and I don't want it to be a rule of tenancy to be my brother's chauffeur. That's when my dad blew up and called me selfish and he is just trying to teach me responsibility, accountability and that me harping over giving them money just shows that I'm not a part of the family and want to be an outsider because I should want to help. I argued that me paying over $500 a month in bills,

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00] gas driving around my brother and chores should be enough to show how unselfish I am but if it's necessary for him to receive payment from me then I will pay the $500 and none of the bills and I will gladly drive my brother around. My mom argued that $750 was reasonable and I said no it's not if you still want me to live here like a teenager. Dad said $500 so that $500 should cover everything. My dad stormed off and my mother said I'm treating this like a business negotiation and that she is disappointed in me because my dad only said $500

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00] because I was paying other bills and only wanting to pay $500 all included is a low blow and renting is a waste of money and they would feel better if I moved out to a purchased home. Like what? I'm not ready for that level of commitment. It's not the money but it's a major purchase and now I feel like the trust I had with them is fractured. Before anyone asks I don't know if they're in financial distress. My mom is an MRI tech and my dad is a pipe fitter. Also if my parents were in financial distress I would help them 100%.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_00] I went to school here in the city. I've been saving 60% of my salary for the past three and a half years and the other 40% was to my car that I paid off and my student loans which I only have $25k left. Honestly for me I just found this one sad more than anything because OP sounds like someone most parents would be incredibly proud of. She's 23 has a solid career started as an intern and worked her way up is continuing her qualifications seems to be aggressively saving for her future

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_00] paying down the debt responsibly contributing hundreds every month to the household helping raise a younger brother and still doing chores around the house. That's not lazy or an entitled adult child like we see in many many stories. That's someone who's building you know a great future for herself. And for me OP was literally supporting the household already. She is paying utilities. Yeah she may not be paying much but she's also driving her brother everywhere covering her own cost and she was contributing in other meaningful ways

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_00] without arguing about it. So when dad framed it as teaching her responsibility I don't really buy that because she already sounds far more responsible than a lot of people her age. And I just kind of think OP saving 60% of her salary and setting herself up financially is something to encourage not punish. But Valfar says I don't know where you live but just to be sure to get the deets on what else would be required for that $1,200 a month one bedroom apartment. Normally that doesn't include utilities

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00] or not all of them nor does it include internet or laundry. If you have furniture pots, pans, plates, utensils toiletries, tables bedroom set, dining stuff ability to also buy groceries not as easy as you think to outfit an entire apartment and live there and think it's just $1,200. OP says well I do have savings I know it's going to be more expensive but it won't be large enough to make me change my mind. Alone my light bill will be roughly $75 to $150 depending on the apartment. Gas, $40

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_00] groceries for myself I pay about $150 a week because I meal prep. Internet $50 water and sewage depending on the apartment. I have enough saved to fully furnish an apartment. Will it suck? Yes but I have the money to do it and I know it's more than $1k a month that they are offering. A commuter says I would just cut the cord and move out. It will cost a bit more than what your parents want you to pay but then the freedom from their rules and having to be your brother's driver is worth every penny extra that you'll be paying. It might even cut closer to even when you factor in

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00] all the gas savings you will have not having to drive your brother everywhere. Opie says Oh my god this week alone I drove him around 500 miles. I know this because I had to fill up my gas tank twice this week. School two times taekwondo three times a week swimming then the basketball games football games now he wants to do swimming in the summer and work as a lifeguard. On top of that he takes music lessons two times a week his weekly in-person D&D night taking him to the stores dropping him off at the movies mall whatever. I love the kid

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_00] but I can't wait until he gets his own license. From four to seven it's just me driving him around at least three to four times a week. Kamala says 500 miles that's insane. Opie says it probably wasn't 500 miles but I did have to fill up my tank twice this week. I have a Mazda 3 so the stopping and going the mileage is less. Our neighborhood was rezoned so my brother's school which used to be a half mile away is now two miles away and his taekwondo is a mile from our house so just on that day it's four miles to drop and pick up

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_00] and six miles for the extras. I'd have to look at all the other stuff he has but it was 40 to 50 bucks to fill up. Just remember thinking damn that's a lot lol. A commuter says are you not allowed to come and go as you please now? I'd move out simply for the freedom. Opie says I leave as I please but it's a full lecture when I return. God forbid I have brunch with the girls or come home past midnight. I didn't mind at first because it's their house their rules but now it feels more confined with their requests.

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00] Unleashed says 1k a month is not a terrible amount of money but you make a very valid point. For just a few dollars more you get your independence which at 23 makes a ton of sense. Maybe instead of focusing on the details of what they are asking from you you could ask your father why now? What happened that made you suddenly think I needed to pay an extra $500 more? That question might help you both be less defensive about the specific details of the topic and find a more fruitful answer because you are right to request more independence as a woman at 23 and maybe

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00] has a good reason for what he is suddenly demanding too and we just haven't heard it yet or maybe he just really wants you out of the house. You won't know unless you ask. It seems unlikely that it can make things worse by asking. Opus says I tried asking and he won't answer. He's pretty stubborn and when he thinks he is being challenged or undermined he shuts down and gives you the cold shoulder and my mom has to mediate. I heard them on the phone talking about me because he went for a drive and he said I was stubborn. Maybe I am stubborn. Maybe if they would have had a talk with me

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_00] about it I wouldn't be so defensive but he is a blue collar man and he speaks like he is barking orders. Once you say no or don't agree with the tone he will double down and it becomes a screaming match. Opus then responds to a long thread and says no men have ever stepped in my room. Now what I do outside of my house is my business that's the unspoken rule. Honestly 750 isn't horrible. But when he started it as a demand and said I didn't do enough without explanation and me not backing down it escalated. My parents

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_00] are not rich. My dad is 49 and my mom is 48 and my brother is 15 about to be 16. A commenter said who paid for you to go to university? Opus had scholarships, loans and working through school. They would help if I was in need for gas, food and the occasional books or extras. Scholarships paid 70% of school. So Opus came in with their said so. It's 5 45 right now and my dad is getting the full exposure of driving around my brother and my mom and had a conversation as to what

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_00] happened which solidified that living here will just end up to us having a horrible relationship. My dad as previously mentioned is a pipe fitter in the union. Sometimes he has to travel for work but not all the time. He works long hours so he doesn't see everything that happens. Now to the update. Three years ago when I went from intern to full time I was making 62k a year as entry level and that was generous because they already knew my work. But last year a position opened up and I was offered the position now making 82k a year

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00] and quarterly bonuses up to 10%. I have never received a full 10% because I didn't see the value of working 60 hours for an extra paycheck a month. Last week my dad was home more than usual and just saw me holed up in my room doing nothing just staring at a computer and watching Netflix. Well I had a Grey's Anatomy running in the background but I always shut it off when I'm in meetings and it's just comforting to hear other voices in the house when you're alone all the time. When I left for my brother my dad walked in my room and saw my W2 and that my gross last

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_00] year was 78k. Promotion money included. And he asked my mum how much I'm contributing to the house and she said well she doesn't give any money. But that was enough for him to say I wasn't contributing. No follow up questions. He also forgot that I was paying the utilities. Why? Because my mum handles all the bills. When he told me I had to pay because I'm not contributing enough he thought I was just picking up my brother doing chores and cooking twice a week for dinner. So when I pushed back saying I pay bills pick up my brother drive him around three to four times a week

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_00] between four and seven give him money when he's short for food and take him out to eat during the outings plus everything else. He got flustered and thought I was exaggerating and doubled down. The silent treatment for the whole week he was asking my mum and brother to validate and when they did he got even more mad that he didn't know all this because it's obviously my fault for not announcing it to the world. During the first conversation of the 750 and driving my brother around was my mum being selfish because she knew it would fall on her and teaching him to drive.

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_00] But I explained he knows how to drive. He went to driving school and has a learner's permit so when he is with me I do let him drive to get comfortable. She didn't realize that he completed his courses which again is weird to me because she literally signed him up. Even with all this my dad's biggest issue is that I no longer need them which is not true. You always need your parents. But after this back and forth and reading a lot of comments and me saying my dad has quirks or shuts down I just come to realize he and I trigger each other so much.

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_00] He and I will get into screaming matches because he refuses to admit he is wrong and I refuse to let him walk all over me. But I know how to apologize as well. He doesn't. He will just pretend like it didn't happen. This is just not going to work out. She finally agreed to it and will speak to my dad because it will just continue to escalate. I did offer them to come and walk some apartments with me so they feel involved and my mom said yes but she will see what my dad will say because he doesn't want me to move out and is really upset that I won't back down from that.

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_00] But I honestly don't see us coming back from what happened this past week and today. I know it will just escalate. I haven't even addressed why he was in my room and looking through my stuff to see my W2s. Right now my dad is getting frustrated driving around to just wait on my brother and then drive again in high traffic times which has been my life for three years. The only difference is that when I took that role and responsibility my brother was only 13 years old so he didn't have a lot of extra curriculars. My mom knew but she was happy with the arrangement because she didn't have to deal with it.

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_00] She also apologized for her role in saying that I'm trying to negotiate because she understands that I do a lot for my brother and that will fall on them at least until he gets his license. Once I move out depending on where I move I wouldn't mind helping out and driving him around maybe once or twice a week because I do enjoy spending time with him and so do my friends. Once a week after his extras we go to Chili's and eat and hang out with my friends and I know I would miss him too much if I just stopped being around him. There are so many times we just sit in the car eat and laugh and gossip

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00] but hopefully we find something this weekend and I can move within the next month. Hopefully my dad and I will be on speaking terms by the time I move out. I'm going to step away and go get dinner with my friends and just get it off my mind. Opie responds to a long comment and says yes we are Mexican American. My mom's family is from Texas before it was Texas and my dad is first generation. Informal says serious question if you've been living at home and getting paid 60k then 85k why not just buy a home? Should you not have

[00:24:34] [SPEAKER_00] significant savings at this point? Opie says there are a few reasons not to buy a house right now. Yes I have savings but the savings will be a full down payment and leave me with little money to cover six months. I bought a car because I needed that and paid my student loans so this past year it has been saving and student loans. In Houston I want to buy a decent home in a decent area. The average is 300k plus unless I look at town homes etc. I did look once I received a pay increase to see what I would need and it would be somewhere between 55k to

[00:25:03] [SPEAKER_00] 65k for a 20% down payment because I don't want PMI. I come out of the update thinking you know the dad is an absolute tool in this but the mum was frustrating me as well because in the update she seemingly knew everything Opie was contributing the entire time but still allowed the dad to run with his own narrative that Opie was doing nothing for the household. She knew Opie paid the utility. She knew that Opie was driving brother around and supporting in that way. She knew that Opie was making

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_00] mum's life easier for years yet instead of shutting all this down the whole thing which she could have just turned around and said actually she already contributes a lot. She let it escalate into this huge thing and then during this negotiation she tried to keep the arrangement that seemed to benefit her the most Opie paying rent and still continuing to do all the brother duties and the household expectations. You know that part stood out to me. Do I think the mum was being malicious in this? Probably not but she got very

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_00] comfortable with how much Opie was carrying at the same time. And I agree with Opie. I think now is the time to move out. I think living separately might genuinely save a relationship with her parents in the long term and it seems obviously I don't know the housing market and all that kind of stuff renting market but it seems that Opie is in a good position to be doing so. Getting her own freedom. She can have a brother around her own house. They can do what they want then right? Brother can come around and have sleepovers. I'm sure he'd love that bit of freedom for himself as well.

[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_00] So they get to keep that strong bond. Hopefully the relationship with the parents is better and all that good stuff. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.