My Fiance Put Up A PILLOW BARRIER In Our Bed And Won't Take It Down

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_01] Now today's first story comes from Dry Event 9292 and it's titled, My Fiance Put Up A Pillow Barrier In Our Bed And Won't Take It Down. It starts off, okay, I'll make it clear that I recognize that I'm going to come off as bonkers in this post. But let me try and explain the whole thing. This problem goes back, way back. I'm almost 38. So is he. But only three weeks apart. I'll call him Caleb for this post.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01] Caleb and I met when we were 14 years old in drama club at a Catholic high school. So we have a lot of history. We've been together for 17 years, though we've known each other for 24 years. We're also getting married in two weeks, but that's not really relevant here. I've been a terrible sleeper all my life. It started back in high school when my family moved to another city. My room ended up being in the basement. I got used to sleeping in complete darkness and silence and being

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_01] more comfortable on the colder side. Every sleeping situation I've had to deal with since then has been a downgrade in some way, whether it's too bright, too warm, or too noisy. I also hate the feeling of my skin touching itself. So I wrap my sheets around every limb, even between my fingers, to keep everything separated. Over the years, I've had to adapt this by using the highest NRR earplugs I can find.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01] Putting up blackout curtains over all windows and keeping the AC set to 66 Fahrenheit or lower. I also buy oversized sheets to allow for the extra fabric yardage I need to keep my skin from touching itself. It's still not perfect, but it works for the most part. Of course, that means Caleb, as well as any exes, have to deal with my insanity as part of the package of being with me. I recognize I'm lucky to have landed a man at all. Trust me.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_01] Even when my sleeping terms have been met, I'm still not always a polite sleeping partner. An ex once described my behavior as like a corpse in a washing machine. He was so frustrated that he also took a video of my antics one time to show me what I'm like, and honestly, his description was accurate. A couple of years ago, Caleb finally had enough of my crap and suggested we get separate duvets.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_01] We have a lot of Scandinavian friends for some reason, and I guess they told him it's normal for couples in their part of the world to have their own duvet. So he brought this up as a way to help bring some peace to our bed. I was a little sad since it would cut into cuddle time, but I agreed. At the time, we were sharing a full-size bed since that's all we could fit into our tiny New York City apartment. And we still slept pretty close to each other, so it wasn't so bad.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01] We've since moved out to the suburbs and are enjoying a much larger living space and are now sharing our first king-size bed. While the upgrade has been great, it feels like I'm sleeping on another continent from him. Ever since getting our new bed, he has been so much happier. He won't shut up about how much better quality sleep he's getting. Whatever, it's fine. A couple of weeks though, he decided to add a new feature to our bed. He stacked these two long pillows on top of each other and put them between us.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_01] Like a stupid pillow barrier or something. I can't help but feel a little offended that my own fiancé doesn't want to even look at me while we're in bed together. I told him I hate the barrier and I've knocked it over multiple times, but he just puts it back up each time and tells me it's here to stay. Caleb claims it's one, serves as protection from my violent flailing limbs, and two, acts as a sound barrier because evidently I also talk a lot in my sleep and sometimes I scream.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01] And three, block some light that seeps in from our bedroom door that we have to keep open because our otherwise giant German shepherd would lose her mind and make a scene. Last night, I punched the top pillow on the barrier so hard the pillow flew across the room and Caleb had to get out of bed to reassemble the barrier, which really annoyed him. He wouldn't talk to me about any pillow barrier related topic for the rest of the night. Should I just drop it and accept this stupid pillow barrier as part of my life now?

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_01] I don't know my alternatives besides a straitjacket and maybe some type of face muffler. And for anyone wondering, we're still in love with each other and I'm not concerned about the integrity of our relationship. The sex is still great and that hasn't changed. We don't really fight or argue about anything ever. I can't even remember the last time we got into a serious disagreement. On the spectrum of severity of relationship advice posts, I agree, this is dumb. Edits, okay, I get it.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_01] I'm a selfish monster and a deeply flawed horrible person. I showed him this post and he got a good laugh out of me getting roasted. He appreciates your concern over his future following our upcoming marriage ceremony. From this day, the pillow barrier will forever go unharmed. I'm not out to ruin the guy's life. I just love when he holds me in his arms and the barrier gets in the way of that. Thanks all. So, as OP suggested from their edit that they got pretty much a roasting.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01] The comments were saying, there are many couples that do quite well sleeping in separate rooms. Another one said, I find it odd that you think it's perfectly fine to have a lot of interventions in place for you to be able to sleep. But you protested his own interventions so that they might sleep better. It sounds like you are very difficult to sleep with. He just wants to get some rest, which you are taking very personally. Quite a double standard. Another one says, No offense, but posts like these makes me appreciate what I have. Another one says, Quoting,

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_01] Edit, okay I get it, I'm a selfish monster and a deeply flawed horrible person. And then says, Do you often react to solicited feedback this way when it's not what you want to hear? Another one says, Dude, your edit response is worse than the initial post. The overdramatic, I guess I'm a monster, is such a tell into your entitlement and makes me wonder about how you take criticism as a whole. Caleb must be a saint because this is red flag central. Another one says,

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01] Sis, you spent paragraphs describing your sleep needs and you're pissed about him needing two goddamn pillows. Another one replies saying, Full stop, you have sensory issues and that is not his problem. It is yours. And one more that says, Have you ever had a sleep study done? Or been tested for sensory processing issues? Because it sounds like you could use both. The fact that your skin touching itself bothers you so much that you can't sleep reminds me of my own ADHD and processing problems.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01] The fact that you have to sleep with intense earplugs does too. Talking in your sleep, flailing and punching, that's all not normal. If you haven't had a sleep specialist, I recommend that you do. For your sake and your partner's. And I think the sensory processing issues all have a big point here. But a lot of the comments were calling out what I was thinking at the same time. You know, OP needing blackout curtains and like super, super industrial grade earplugs.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_01] Like cold temperatures and oversight sheets for their technique where they don't touch their own skin. And they flail violently and scream in their sleep. And apparently the two pillows is where they draw the line. It was just a bit like, what? Again, like a lot of the comments were pointing out, OP clearly has some sensory issues that's going on that needs some attention. But OP did come in with an update and said, Hi Reddit. I'm giving an update since a bit has happened since my post. And I thought it might be an interesting update for anyone who remembers.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_01] I'm the crazy person who received a swift and unified response from Reddit that I was wrong in the situation. I can't link my post because it was locked and then removed. But long story short, my fiancee, now husband, had constructed a pillow barrier between us in bed. This was an escalation after he had requested we use separate covers. To this poor man's defense, it is because I'm a horrible person to sleep with. I'm violent.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_01] And I talk, cry and scream at least a few nights a week. While the pillow barrier initially hurt my feelings because I love him and our cuddle time, the feedback I received was to not be so selfish and let the man do what he wants to get his sleep. Some of you were kinder than others in packaging this response, but pretty much everyone agreed. There were a few posts though. I mentioned that the sleeping troubles I have, over sensitivity to light, sound, heat and touch,

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_01] sounded like a sensory processing order and suggested I was autistic. It was hard for me to really consider that given how old I am, 38, and would have hoped it would have been caught by now. I'm no stranger to the psychiatrists or therapy. Well, I started reading up on adult autism. And as I was reading typical symptoms, I swear my jaw was gaped open. All these things I assumed were just quirks or otherwise unrelated characteristics of my personality were all strung together under one diagnosis.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_01] Sometimes people being so nervous about when to speak up that I end up not saying anything at all. I went three months after starting this new job without saying a word during meetings, and then crying afterwards because I thought I was stupid and didn't deserve the promotion. Difficulty coping with change. Went into a deep depression after a new job, after engagement, after we bought a house. Sensitivity to light, sound, smell, touch. I hate being touched or hugged by anyone other than my husband.

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01] Embarrassingly, I do make a lot of weird sounds and voices. I just thought I was a little quirky. But I guess it's deeper than that. The thing that got to me were autistic meltdowns. The entire reason I ever sought out therapy was because there were so many occasions where I honestly could not control my words or actions. Totally blinded by emotion. I assumed there was some degenerate characteristic I inherited from my abusive father.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01] Luckily for me, the worst that's ever come out has been a snippy email or a bitchy interaction at work. Nothing to breach professionalism, but still. These things would get me so worked up, they'd consume me. I'd fixate on it for hours, sometimes days. Most times I wouldn't have an outburst, but keep it inside and be filled with blind rage. So strong, all I could do was hold my head and cry and wait for it to be over. I'd write scathing emails to people and then delete them.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_01] Make up imaginary conversations where I really let them have it. And in general, just stewed in my anger. It was so bad sometimes, I'd just shake and hold myself in my office to try and calm down. I started meeting the psychiatrist to control that, which has been successful so far, I'm happy to say. Well, anyway. I told my therapist about all of this and he referred me to a specialist. A child behavior specialist.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_01] It was a little embarrassing sitting in a waiting room designed for kids as a 38-year-old, but life goes on. We spent a while talking and she asked a lot of questions, but ultimately decided that my behaviors and thoughts are consistent with ASD. It's rocking my world and a lot of my self-esteem. But at least it explains a lot. She explained there are a couple of medications that could help my symptoms.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_01] But I'm already on Welbatrin and Xanax and in regular therapy because of trauma I experienced and witnessed at a young age. My husband has been completely unfazed by all of this at least. From his perspective, even if it's a new label for me, I've been able to piece together a decent life. I make good money working a senior leadership position in a healthcare organization. I don't have many friends, but I do have a few. And I love him more than anything.

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_01] And with the help of my therapist, I've spent the last year working on ways to show him how much I care and be more present and loving partner. So there you go. Yes, I'm batshit crazy as many of you confirmed, but now I'm apparently autistic too. Oh, and the pillow barrier still stands. Thanks Reddit, I guess. So there were some people talking to OP after this. The first one said, don't feel bad about the child behavior specialist. Had to see one as well at 38. Got diagnosed ADD.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_01] Made necessary changes to my life and doing much better. Someone says, good for you OP. It sounds like you have built a good, happy life. Well done. And her husband built a pillow fort. Win-win. Another one says, ugh, this sounds a lot like me. Oversensitivity to light, sound, heat and touch is me. Now I'm sad. Another one says, not to like gloss over the meat of your post, but I just think you made me realize I have autism.

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_01] I'm 27 and I'm kind of having your jaw drop moment reading your description of your traits that turned out to be symptoms of autism. What the fuck? Another one says, I do use a 25 pound weighted blanket currently and I think it has helped. Another one says, another one from OP says, I tried a sleeping mask but the feeling of fabric pressing against my eyelashes drove me nuts. Then I found one that was kind of convex, but the straps across my ears started to keep me up. I'm nuts, I know.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_01] I have nothing to hide anymore. Our solution has been blackout curtains. Someone says to OP, I'm 68 years old and it was only 5 years ago that I was finally diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum. Now my sensory overload issues make a heck of a lot of sense. I never understood why I couldn't live with someone. It's because I could never relax. I'm autistic, suffer from PTSD. A lot of things give me sensory overload.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_01] I remember telling one partner that I just needed some time to myself and he kept whining that it meant I didn't love him. I told another partner to just find a damn coloring book and get out of my face for about 2 hours. I could never understand why I couldn't go to the movies without feeling disorientated, not being able to drive after I left the movie. I could never understand why I couldn't go to a party and stay for more than a couple of hours.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_01] I could never understand why I couldn't have company until 11 at night and then it took me hours to be able to wind down and go to sleep. Once you finally understand how your brain works and what's going on, it's easy to adjust and ask for what you want in relationships. It's easier now for me to explain to people that I feel overloaded and I need some quiet time. And I don't feel guilty about it anymore. Opio responded saying,

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_01] I just always assumed I was a strong introvert and needed time to recharge when I guess what I was experiencing was some type of sensory overload. When I was younger I lived in Manhattan and there were some nights out with friends and co-workers where something in me would just snap at some point in the night and I'd have this anxious pressure forcing me to get the hell out and go hide in my quiet UES studio. I don't know, just a lot of ways I've reacted to things in my past are starting to make a little more sense.

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_01] Another commenter says, OP, he already knows you. This is just a label for part of who you are which he already knows. So you shouldn't be surprised that this isn't phasing him. Like if you were eating an ice cream flavor and liked it but didn't know the name. Knowing the name doesn't change you liking it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the first thought in his head was, sounds about right. OP says, yeah, pretty much. And I think that ended quite nicely. OP went from like,

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_01] how dare my fiance building a pillar fort to protect himself from my nightly violence to actually getting an autism diagnosis that explained everything. The sensory issues and the meltdowns etc. And one of the comments was pointing out, this is exactly why, where did all these diagnoses suddenly come from when people say that become so frustrating because OP didn't become autistic at 38. They spent nearly four decades thinking they were just broken and difficult

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_01] while trying to manage the symptoms with random workarounds while assuming everyone else was secretly doing the same thing. And like it was said, the diagnosis didn't create the condition. It just finally gave them answers. And also Caleb in this remains an absolute legend in my opinion. His reaction to the diagnosis was just basically, yeah, sounds about right. because he's been loving this person exactly who they are for the 17 years they've been together.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_01] And the pillow barrier still stands, as it should. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story, it comes from Empress from the Am I the Asshole subreddit. And it says, am I the asshole for telling my housemate she can't give me unsolicited advice? I, 27 female, have a strange living situation.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01] I live with a family, Chris, 65 male, Danielle, 59 female, and their daughter, and do household chores in exchange for rent. I've lived here for 19 months. It's mostly smooth sailing. I work full time and I'm applying to law school. Danielle has some issues with boundaries. She doesn't understand why she can't enter my room without permission, for example. And I know it's both due to age differences and the fact that they allow me to live in their house for free.

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_01] I have to be very careful when enforcing boundaries. Yesterday, I made dinner for everyone after a full day of chores. Around 10pm, as I was finishing the dishes, Danielle told me I needed to steam clean the carpet in the living room because the cats had peed all over it. I did, and as I was putting the steam cleaner away, Danielle entered and said she wanted me to do another room. Because it was 10.30 at this point and I still wanted to work on an application before bed,

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_01] I politely but firmly said, I'm not going to do that. I probably should have said, I'll do it tomorrow, but I was exhausted so I just said no. I put the machine away, submitted my application, and went to bed. Tonight, as I was finishing up my meal prep for the week, Danielle cornered me in the kitchen. I don't want to fight about this, she said. But I wanted to mention something. Last night when you told me you weren't going to clean the other room, I found it rude. You should be careful when you say things like that at work,

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_01] so that you don't get fired. I was floored. I snapped. Danielle, you haven't had a job since before I was born. You don't get to give me advice about how to act in the workplace. Danielle rolled her eyes and huffed. See, I didn't want to fight about this, and walked out of the room. I called after her. Then maybe don't bring it up. Danielle hasn't spoken to me since, and I don't know what's coming. For context, Danielle has only had one job in her whole life,

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_01] from age 22 to age 25. After that, she quit to raise kids. I grew up very poor. I've been working since I was 14, and supporting myself since I turned 18. They offered to start our arrangement in 2023, because they needed help around the house, and I was struggling financially. As for Danielle's work advice, I currently work as a regional manager at a small firm. Not only is her advice outdated, but I can't take it. I'm a people manager.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_01] A lot of my day-to-day job involves being polite and unyielding. I think she was frustrated by my setting a boundary, and that's why she brought it up. I know part of my frustration is that I feel powerless to protest most of the time. I've been moving out in August of this year when I go to law school, hopefully, and my goal is to just make it until then. I'm also really frustrated that Danielle felt like she could say whatever she wanted, and then walk away as if I had no right to feel anything.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01] I'm either the asshole for what I said. A commenter comes straight in and says, You have a rental agreement in writing. Work exchange needs to be clearly defined, including, but not limited to, hours, availability, no contact places slash times, tasks, etc. Someone who's demanding you steam clean two rooms at 10.30pm is highly suspect. Chores is too often seen as women's work, aka undervalued and unpaid,

[00:20:25] [SPEAKER_01] invisible labor. However, invisible labor done by women is incredibly expensive both in cost and time, aka you may be well, doing more than would cover the cost of your rent. I'm also inferring from your post that you're most likely downplaying their requests. Opie replies saying, There is no agreement in writing. I've tried to bring this up on previous occasions because of Danielle's difficulty with boundaries and the sheer amount of work that I do, but it is not taken well.

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_01] Danielle and Chris are very insistent that I'm not their tenant and that they are not my landlords. I am their guest. Danielle is also very insistent that she does not want to be called my boss or supervisor in any capacity. To answer other comments here as well, my current position does not pay enough for me to live on my own. I realize that the situation is probably predatory, but because there are only eight months left of this, I plan to just stick it out. This saved me a lot of money and I'm thankful for that.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_01] Commodore says, You're the arsehole. Not for saying no, but for how you said it. You are not polite. Also, Danielle is not your housemate. She and her husband are your landlord slash bosses. You may not be paying rent, but you're paying by being live in help. So when you told Danielle I won't be doing that instead of I'll do it tomorrow, you were rude to your boss. Also, her advice was outdated. If you spoke to your supervisor at your job that way, there would definitely be a follow-up conversation about your choice of words.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_01] OP, who was downvoted for this comment said, Danielle and Chris are very insistent that I'm not their employee or tenant and that they are not my bosses or landlords. I'm their guest and they're doing this out of the goodness of their hearts. A commenter says, who was also downvoted, Definitely not the arsehole and good for you. I ask how you came to live with this family though. Are they related? Are you bothering with all this weird ass shit and her bossing you around?

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_01] OP replied saying they're actually my best friend's parents. He suggested the arrangement because he knew I needed help. When I moved in, I was a teacher and struggling to afford a studio apartment. Since I moved in, I changed careers and decided I wanted to pursue law school. I took the ALSAT three times last year on top of all this. I can count on one hand the number of times I refused a request. I've bleached the showers after midnight, rose at 5am to make requested meals before work

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_01] and other things like that without protesting. I see this as an opportunity to make my life better in the long term while surviving short term. I just wanted to say no this time because truthfully, I physically couldn't handle fulfilling the request. Danielle was insistent it had to be done immediately because they wanted to go to bed at 11pm. But I just couldn't do it. And the verdict for OP on the back of this one was a you're the arsehole and I just didn't feel that way and I'm willing to be the arsehole myself

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_01] in this situation based on it because I found that absolutely wild. There was no written agreement. OP was being called a guest. A guest. While doing domestic work, couldn't seem to say no to cleaning the carpet at 10.30pm at night. And where it started getting really shady for me and maybe, you know, it just, maybe it's just the way it was written or whatever but the landlords won't seem to define the relationship at all. They won't be called bosses or landlords.

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_01] Won't put anything in writing. You know, it just felt to me, that's not sort of kindness. It just felt like there was some sort of almost plausible deniability behind it all. It just felt like they wanted all the benefits of having an employee without any responsibility. The fact that she went up to OP at 10.30pm at night and, you know, OP saying no to a task, that's reasonable in my opinion. And it just felt very dark, this story. I don't know why. It just,

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_01] that's the way it felt to me. But, OP came in and says, I was voted the arsehole, which I understand. What I do adds up to about $2,000 per month. If you go by the standard of $20 an hour or about 100 hours slash per month. Most of those hours are concentrated on weekends and two to three evenings per week. I make enough food that there are leftovers so I can have a couple of nights off. Including those hours is a lot of care for the adult daughter who lives with us and is disabled.

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_01] If I babysit the house pets while the housemates go on vacation, which happens a lot, I charge $20 a day stipend. We have two dogs, three cats, a gecko and some fish. One of the cats is mine. This is why I cleaned the carpet without protest because it's just as likely the piss was his as any of the other cats. I've said no to requests three times in 19 months and each time has been met with pushback like this. All three were due to the time of the night they were asked.

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_01] A lot have called this a form of modern day slavery. And I see where you're coming from. I've been fine with the situation remaining largely undefined because even when I protest at chores, I haven't been threatened with eviction. I entered into this situation at a time when I was overwhelmed and desperate. It might be predatory, but it was the best opportunity I had. I could have protected myself better going in. As to why I stay in it, it's because there's an end date in sight that will set me up well

[00:25:48] [SPEAKER_01] to keep funneling money into savings for the next few months. If I were evicted, it would suck, but I would be fine. It's not ideal, but it works. I recognize that I should have worded my response better than I did at the time. However, I do not want to push back on the idea that I have to do everything they say because they own the house. If a boss demands overtime from me that's not previously agreed on, I'm allowed to say no. And I have done it many times without affecting my employment whatsoever.

[00:26:18] [SPEAKER_01] In fact, my current boss who I've done this with the most, often using the same wording as here, wrote me an excellent letter of recommendation for law school. Times have changed since the 1980s and saying no to bad demands is becoming more and more acceptable. What she meant when she said you should have been more careful when you say things like that at work was that I shouldn't be assertive at all in a situation where I'm a subordinate, which I very much think is outdated advice.

[00:26:47] [SPEAKER_01] I was not invalidating the difficult work or raising a family that Danielle did. I would not dream of offering someone else parenting advice because I haven't been in their shoes. Hypothetically, if the last time I'd raised a child was 30 years ago, I also wouldn't give an advice on raising a kid in the iPad generation. Danielle should not be doing the same to me about work. She is not my professional boss. She has never worked in my field. She knows that she is not my landlady either. If she were,

[00:27:17] [SPEAKER_01] there would be a whole lot of rules she would need to respect that she doesn't want to, such as entering my room without notice. Again, because I'm getting some benefit from the situation, I don't and won't threaten legal action here because I have enough documentation to protect myself. In addition, Chris, Danielle, and I have all personal stakes involved in this going well. We have a ton of mutual friends, one of whom is their son and my best friend. Danielle and Chris have some chronic illnesses that make housework hard for them,

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_01] so they are also getting a lot out of the situation. I plan to apologize and smooth things over. I will follow as much of the advice mentioned here about protecting myself better moving forward. Perhaps naively, I hope this will end well. Danielle and I actually get along very well most of the time. We don't hate each other by any means and we both ultimately want to see the other happy. That's why this has worked for so long. To everyone who says that this situation proves I don't have what it takes to be a lawyer, don't worry.

[00:28:17] [SPEAKER_01] you'll probably never be my client. Opie updates again two days from the original post and says, First, as an aside, a lot of comments here miss the point. Danielle was not angry with me for refusing to do an additional chore at 10.30pm. That was not the issue, even by the most generous of understandings. Demanding additional overtime work at the end of a 14 hour shift is unreasonable and she knew that. During our follow up discussion, she added a detail I had totally forgotten about.

[00:28:47] [SPEAKER_01] The second room in question has a large potted fiddle leaf fig tree in it and in order to steam clean the additional room, the tree needs to be moved. Neither she or I were able to move it after multiple attempts so at that point I said, until Chris and I can figure out a way to move this, the steam cleaning will have to wait. I know you want it done tonight but I will not be doing that. Very important context that misled adding when I was angry. The issue in question was the exchange the next day. As to how I responded

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_01] the second day when she came to confront me on my wording, for that I understand that I was absolutely the arsehole. As one of my close friends put it to me, those are inside thoughts. My context about her work history was also unnecessary and irrelevant. Last night I approached Danielle and opened the conversation with a profuse apology. No qualifiers, no protests, just that I was rude during our kitchen conversation and I need to apologize. She in turn immediately apologized for her incredibly poor introduction

[00:29:46] [SPEAKER_01] to the follow up conversation and for cornering me in the kitchen while I was otherwise occupied instead of meeting with me at a more neutral time. Chris then joined us and we had an extensive conversation. During the conversation I asked them to define how they view our arrangement. They were immediately very clear that they do not see me as a tenant, employee or servant. I pointed out that if that is how they want to view things then I need to be free to say no to extras. They were receptive to this. I also pointed out

[00:30:15] [SPEAKER_01] that in our state I could be considered a tenant or a living domestic worker but due to the length of time I've resided here and the conditions in place I'm definitely not considered just a guest. They did get offended that I see our relationship as fundamentally a transaction which I found kind of funny because why they have the freedom to frame it in their minds as we're helping this person out and she's helping us out. It's wise for me to see it differently. I do have obligations to them and my life has substantially larger

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_01] implications should this not work out. In the end they agreed that because they aren't landlords and I'm not their employee in their minds I should be receiving more freedom than I've been given. Chris and Danielle have chronic illnesses that make most of the work I do very difficult for them including a lot of care I provide for their adult daughter who lives with us. We then outlined again exactly what my responsibilities are and what they are not. Finally to my surprise they apologized for previous invasions of privacy and agreed that

[00:31:14] [SPEAKER_01] we'd put a lock on my room door. It is an interior lock only so I can't lock it while I'm gone but I'm fine with the progress. I was never threatened with eviction or anything like that. People can be emotionally mature enough to talk through issues instead of immediately putting a metaphorical trigger which is what happened here. After the conversation I typed out a long email detailing the terms of my living here as it currently stands and had them send a confirmation in reply. While it is not officially a lease it is

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_01] something in writing outlining responsibilities that was agreed to by all parties. We agreed that my monthly hours would be reduced to 80 instead of the roughly 100 I've been doing. If the value of that is calculated according to the federal minimum wage that's a value of $580 every four weeks which is more than most rooms for rent in our area. Of course the labor I do is somewhat skilled and has a market value of at least double but I use the federal minimum wage for the sake of argument. I also established that

[00:32:14] [SPEAKER_01] the latest I would be available for housework is 9.30pm barring some form of emergency. If a talk absolutely requires going past that time I'll be taking that time back on a different day. I know that I will laugh at this in contracts class in the future but for now I'm fine with what it is. Like I said in a comment it's not ideal but it works. I'm not in a position where I desperately need this anymore but I'm going to stay here until August because being able to funnel what otherwise would be paid into rent into savings is

[00:32:44] [SPEAKER_01] doing wonders to set me up for the future. To everyone that commented something along the lines of you have to do everything she says or you're the help or you're entitled I encourage you to think about that perspective more. Employees, household help and any people in a subordinate position are still very much an individual and deserving of respect to their space, their time and their person. No laws no matter how extensive take those basic rights away. Also if you said it was

[00:33:13] [SPEAKER_01] my fault for being in the situation in the first place kick rocks. We're all working through our own situations where we pick the best option available even if it isn't perfect. That's not weakness or stupidity. That's life. So it was one year after this that OP came in with the latest update and said I moved out of Chris and Danielle's house six months ago. We didn't have any more conflicts nearly as big as

[00:33:42] [SPEAKER_01] the one described in the original post. I was frustrated under a lot of pressure at the time so I definitely was unnecessarily verbose in the first post. My bad. Reddit was one of my only outlets and I got a bit preachy. Sorry about that. I'm glad I apologized. It's a nuanced situation and I don't think my perspective was wrong but like it doesn't matter and I'm glad I kept the peace. Things ended on good terms. I moved out as planned in August. Danielle actually co-signed

[00:34:11] [SPEAKER_01] my current apartment lease as a final act of kindness. I do have to laugh at my past self for entering into that weird living situation. Now that I've taken a contracts class I would never do that again or at least not without putting terms in writing first. I don't fault myself though. Poverty is a tough place to be and I was desperate. I met Danielle for lunch last week and we caught up on life. They haven't really changed their entitled attitudes but that's none of my business. So I just smiled and

[00:34:41] [SPEAKER_01] waved and moved on. Their son is still my bestie for all time. If anyone is curious my first semester of law school went to really well. It's one of those stories that I found sad in a lot of ways. Good for OP for now for the latest update and getting themselves out of that situation. You know her new lease law school is going brilliantly for them and OP seems to be laughing about the whole thing now with the perspective of someone who's

[00:35:10] [SPEAKER_01] literally studied the contracts and OP's line in there that says I don't fault myself though because poverty is a tough place to be and I was desperate and you know that one just hit deep for me. And again make it help because as I said in the initial post OP was voted that you're the asshole in the situation which I still find absolutely bizarre. You know people talking about you have to do everything she says because you're the help. You know just get in the bin.

[00:35:40] [SPEAKER_01] Nobody employee tenant domestic worker anyone loses their right to reasonable boundaries. But I'm just so glad to hear OP is doing so much better now. But what do you guys make of this situation? Do you agree with your the asshole comments? Maybe you got a different opinion on the matter. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories.

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_01] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:36:21] [SPEAKER_00] Man I remember being so naive when life was good weather and palm trees. Back in the day you were everything I need. But then along came a time when you crushed my dreams. Oh yeah you played me like a fool when you made me believe that the line between love was ridiculous. Oh yeah you see we end up spare crime everywhere. You're selling false hope cause you just don't care. Nah uh you just don't care. Nah nah nah you just don't just don't care.