My Co-Worker Filed A HR Complaint Against Me, My Wife Believes Her r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from HappyPersonality528 and says, am I the arsehole here for resenting my wife and not believing my side of the story?

[00:00:30] I, male 46, have been married to my wife Heather, female 45, for 18 years. We have two kids, 16 female and 14 male. We work for the same company but in different departments. She works on a different floor of our building. We recently hired a new employee, Sarah, female 30. I helped her a lot with her training and even prepared a guide for her so she could catch up on the new role quickly.

[00:00:57] I told her she could drop by anytime if she had a question. She kept coming to my desk to chit chat. Even my co-worker Chris, who shares an office with me, noticed. I thought she was new and lonely so not a big deal. She asked me to go out for lunch with her. I laughed and joked asking if Chris wanted to join us for lunch. Then Sarah looked at me and said no. She meant just us to talk. Plus she wanted to buy me lunch because I had been so nice to her.

[00:01:26] Chris gave me a look. I told her she didn't have to and that I was just doing my job. She insisted and I agreed. During lunch, she started rubbing my hand. I moved my hand and changed the topic to my wife, bringing her up repeatedly. She eventually said she found me attractive and wanted to be more than friends, suggesting we start with friends with benefits and see where it goes.

[00:01:50] She said she thought I wasn't happy in my marriage because I was having lunch with her and laughing, while she never saw me having lunch with my wife. I told her I was married and wanted to keep our friendship professional. She didn't like my reply and became quiet. I apologized but she said it was all good. I paid the bill for both of us since it was so awkward and we went back to work. I received a letter from HR telling me they needed to talk to me because Sarah filed a complaint.

[00:02:18] She said I asked her out for lunch, been appropriate and handsy and even pressured her to have sex with me. But she left. I was floored. Luckily, my co-worker Chris can confirm my side of the story. I immediately told my wife the whole thing and she got furious at me. She said she believed Sarah's side because she stands by the victim. I told her Sarah was lying. Chris can confirm she invited me.

[00:02:44] Also, I wasn't inappropriate. I didn't touch her and turned her down. My wife rolled her eyes and said Sarah is a gorgeous woman much younger than me, implying I took advantage of her. I was so annoyed. I've always been faithful to her. How could she possibly think of me like this? Luckily, the HR issue was resolved and I'd just have to do some training. I asked to move to another team so I won't be working with Sarah anymore.

[00:03:10] Am I the asshole for resenting my wife for not believing my side? For taking her side without any proof? I basically barely talked to my wife since the incident. Matata said straight away to the OP. This will get lost in the sea of comments, but I'm wondering if the restaurant has a video recording of the dining area. You could prove you're telling the truth really quickly with a recording of she getting handsy and you pulling away. OP says I'm going to check with the restaurant.

[00:03:37] It's a small cafe slash restaurant within walking distance of our office. Katers Haters says, speaking of intel, I wonder what her behavior slash performance was like at her previous jobs. The fact that she pursued you and then reported false accusations to HR this quickly into a new job suggests a level of diabolical confidence in my opinion. Or reckless immaturity, I guess. Regardless, something ain't right and I wouldn't be surprised if this was some kind of MO for her.

[00:04:05] I don't know how you could safely investigate her past, but something to think about. Certain says not the asshole. She was attracted to you, made her move and failed. Then she retaliated and made the first move to cover herself before you can do anything. Also, I'd question my marriage if I were you. If your own spouse can't trust you, then she's not a partner. Narfel says this. You weren't exactly smart about accepting lunch. Yes, there is a double standard and it sucks.

[00:04:34] It also sucks that your reputation will not suffer at work because there are people who won't believe the truth just because. It sucks that your wife sees you as a possible predator. You should definitely question your marriage and maybe do some counseling to see if this can be fixed or if the marriage needs to end. You should also file a complaint with HR and see about getting this woman moved to a different department or let go. You might not be the only person she tries this with. Opie came in a day later and said a quick update.

[00:05:33] She rolled her eyes and went to sleep. As for HR, it was my request to change team. I can't work with Sarah or see her every day. I'm so tempted to yell at her and say what the fuck is wrong with you? Neither of us got fired since there was no evidence so HR just gave me the talk. I have no idea if Sarah has to do the training or what happened to her. I went to the restaurant to see if there is footage but Ona wasn't there. I'll try again today. My mental health is a mess.

[00:06:02] My co-worker Chris suggested to take time off to talk to a therapist and the lawyer. I might do that. Mag Zaddy says, Wow, your wife sucks. I really hope the restaurant has video footage they can share with you. Opie says, My life does suck. I went from happily married with a good job to office creep and who is the person I'm married to? If she thinks I'm too stupid, too ugly and don't respect women, why are we still married? Firecracker says,

[00:06:30] I'd bring the hammer to HR. They're willing to take action against you for words but when you have witnesses, they're trying to sweep it under the rug. Threaten to sue and demand a written public apology from Sarah. Honestly, with your wife, that's different. Good luck with that. Philosopher says, Take Chris's advice. Talk to a lawyer to sue Sarah and file for divorce. Your wife has zero respect for you. Manufacturer No says, Yep, I second that.

[00:06:59] Only one who is on your side is Chris and you neither sleep or live with him. Cheers up mate and listen to the only one on your side. Opie says, He is middle aged like me, divorced guy and was joking that we should move in together and make a male version of Golden Girls, divorce dads and raise the kids together. Haters Haters says, The Golden Guys boys. I like it. Pool, old school arcade room, entertainment room. Sound streets ahead of living with your disrespectful and cruel wife.

[00:07:30] Find your inner blanche and live it up. Then Opie made a post saying, Need support. How did you know it's time to end the marriage? And said, Hello friends. I posted in another thread that I'm going through horrible times. I can't live with a woman who constantly belittles me. Part of me feels guilty for leaving because I have two kids. How do you know it's time to end it? I'm just wondering if my marriage is salvageable. Thanks. Tragic replied to that one saying,

[00:07:58] It's time to leave when you have exhausted all other possibilities. That means you have read some good relationship books together. You've tried to use a marriage counselor to fix the issues you have. Not a vent session. Cut that shit off if all it becomes is her venting. You've tried approaching things in different ways and nothing changes. Then you can leave without that nagging doubt in the back of your head that you should have done more. And when your kids ask you why, you can actually tell them you tried everything to make it work. You could even do a lie detector if she agrees that you pass.

[00:08:28] She apologizes and moves on from this. Opie replied saying, My wife thinks marriage counseling is for... Something men? Starts with P. Pussy possibly? It's a hard no on that. I've tried being more understanding but she never even acknowledged. I don't even know what to do anymore. I gave up on sex because she every single time turned me down. I planned date nights or even date nights at home. I'm a pretty decent cook and do all the cooking anyway so not a big deal. And still didn't even get a thank you.

[00:08:58] I gave up lol. I stopped trying and now she yells that I'm so stupid and never do anything for her. Tragic reply saying, Then it's sitting down and talking about what you both want out of the relationship and what isn't being met right now. A calm, non-blaming way. If she doesn't want marriage counseling, what does she want? If she doesn't trust you, what will make her do that? Ask what she needs in specific ways. And if she doesn't want to work on it,

[00:09:24] ask if she wants to divorce them because you are both obviously miserable. Opie says, She thinks things are fine the way it is. She thinks I need to work on myself to be more professional and less of an autistic goofball I am. And it sounded like, apart from what happened in this story as well, that the marriage isn't that great anyway. I don't know, maybe I read that in a different way. It went from saying that they're happily married to they're not even intimate anymore

[00:09:53] or they have these date nights which almost sounds like they're standoffish in some ways and yells at you that you're stupid and you don't do anything for her. I'm just kind of like, what? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Ellie or Eli804 and says, Would I be the asshole if I skipped a family member's party

[00:10:21] because it took place at a church? Please excuse the lack of paragraphs and formatted writing. I'm writing from my phone. Trigger warnings, mentions of sexual assault. I, 22 female, come from an extremely religious background, Christian. And while I have left the church, my family still remains heavily involved. My mother texted me a few days ago telling me that my younger cousin, 17 male, is getting baptized in a few weeks

[00:10:50] and they wanted me to be there to support him and celebrate him slash his testimony. Baptisms are a massive deal in my family. There's going to be a baptism at the church and then a party at their place afterwards. Now, here is where the issue comes in. The church where this is happening is the church where I was sexually assaulted when I was 13 years old. No, nothing was ever done about it by the church when I spoke up about it at the age of 15. Hence why I left that church completely.

[00:11:20] I've started therapy within the last few months to deal with that and other traumas. My family didn't believe in therapy, which is why I had to wait until adulthood to start. So when my mom told me about the baptism, I originally told her, I'll have to think about it. Sorry. Today, I texted her and told her I would come to the party at their place after the baptism as I have nothing wrong with celebrating my cousin. I'm quite close with all my cousins. However, I told her I would not be attending the baptism itself

[00:11:48] because I refused to go back to that church. She told me, I know it's hard, but you should put your feelings aside just for that day because it's his special day. I've left her message on scene and haven't responded because me refusing to go to the church has caused a big fight before and I don't want to fight. So would I be the arsehole if I refused to attend the baptism and refused to put my feelings about the church aside? I welcome any advice anyone has. Edits.

[00:12:18] While I know I myself wouldn't advise someone to return to the place they were assaulted, where my conflicting thoughts come in is because I feel like I should be able to put aside my feelings since it happened almost 10 years ago, but I can't. And now I just feel like a burden that my family has to deal with because they constantly have to hear about my feelings towards these things. Edit two. I've noticed a lot of people mentioning that I should talk to my cousin about why I won't attend. My cousin is on the autism spectrum,

[00:12:46] so it's not as easy as opening up to him and telling him what's up because he's unable to reason and understand the depth of what happened and why I can't move past it, which is why I'm dealing with my mom and her invitation rather than him and his. Another edit. With my second edit, I was talking only about my cousin's situation, not anyone else who has ASD. It is a spectrum and I know that many people with autism can 100% understand my story just as anyone else could.

[00:13:14] This is just not the case for him. My edit above was purely about him and not trying to speak for anyone else. I wanted to clarify this to avoid anyone getting offended, as that is not my intention at all. However, I do very much appreciate those who have ASD or know people with ASD who have commented here to give suggestions on how I may be able to approach the topic and discussion with him. I've taken all your advice into consideration and am continuing to think about bringing this up with him

[00:13:43] in some of the ways you suggested. So thank you. As for anyone else, I greatly appreciate all the kind words, more than any of you know. You have all made me feel like I have a community of internet strangers support that has provided me with an air hug that I never realized I needed so bad. Particularly the comments about how my family shouldn't be attending that church anymore. As this was a thought I've had for years, but I convinced myself was selfish of me to think. So thank you to all of you who commented this,

[00:14:13] especially those of you who are parents. Hope to eventually come back here with a good update. But as for right now, I just wanted to thank you all so much for the advice and kind words. You're all such kind-hearted people. Obviously there's going to be some comments mentioning why the family is still going to this church. And that was my thoughts. I was like, what the fuck? And then mum coming in saying put your feelings aside and she can piss right off. And I want to say like, if I was your family member and you came up to me

[00:14:42] and explained the situation about what you've been through or known what you've been through, there's no way I would expect you to go to that place anyway. Why would you? The trauma that you've gone through still go through to this day. You wouldn't even have to explain yourself in any way, shape or form. It just wouldn't happen. But it wouldn't even get to that point anyway because I wouldn't be going to that place anyway as a member of your family after what you've been through. But Marie says, not the arsehole. First of all, I'm sorry for the trauma

[00:15:12] you experienced. You were so kind to respond to even tell your mum that you would think about attending. The fact that she would even expect you to go to something like that and then try to guilt you into it is disgusting. It also says a lot that your family still continues to attend this church. You were also so kind to compromise and say that you would come to the party after. Put yourself and your mental health first when it comes to this. Good luck on your healing journey and I hope you have other friends and family outside that church

[00:15:41] that you can lean on. Turbunet replies that saying this, plus if Opie has a close relationship with cousins, I'd be inclined to drop them a direct message explaining their stance and the compromise that they offered. And if they get black-shooped about it, they would have had their chance to say their piece. Opie replies saying, you were right. I wouldn't have turned to Reddit if it was as easy as messaging my cousin about it. However, he is on the autism spectrum so this is not something I can really get into with him unfortunately because he cannot

[00:16:11] properly reason and understand the depth of it. And that isn't his fault at all. So Opie came in with their update and said, I posted here a few weeks ago and got quite a few responses so I wanted to update everyone. As I got home from my family's house a few hours ago. Firstly, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave advice and commented on my last post. I read every comment and honestly, a lot of them made me feel a lot less crazy about feeling the way I did about the situation. So I'm forever grateful for the community of Redditors

[00:16:41] who commented on the post. You're a lovely group of strangers. Secondly, I wanted to say that I did skip the baptism and did not go to the church for the baptism. I found out that the church was streaming the baptism online so I told my parents that I would watch the baptism part of the service online but I stood firm in my decision to not go to the church. Initially, my mum tried to argue why not just go to the baptism at the church if you're willing to watch it online but I told her continuously

[00:17:10] that I refused to ever step foot in that place again. However, I did go to my cousin's house for their baptism party after the church service that they got baptized at. I congratulated him and celebrated him all the same and none of my other family members interrogated me on why I didn't attend. I'm assuming my mother already told people why and I've been open about my history in the church before. So, it was a lovely afternoon. I still got to spend it with my family and I got a card

[00:17:39] and a little gift for my cousin and he was happy. It was a great little get together. I'm very happy that I didn't let my parents guilt me into going to the church as it would not have been good for my mental health. But I'm happy it was a good afternoon with my family all the same. So, this story had a happy ending. Thank you everyone who saw my original post and took the time to read and speak on it. Edit, please excuse the formatting. I typed this on my phone. And for me, I still felt like

[00:18:08] mixed emotions at the end of that update because I felt so happy for OP that they stood their ground, that they stood up to their parents but I'm still really pissed off at the same time for the parents trying to guilt OP in the first place. Their child who's gone through something horrific, traumatic and they're trying to guilt them to go to that place where it happened. I'm just, fucks me off. But again, I'm so happy for OP that they did stand their ground on this and didn't go but still got to celebrate with their cousins.

[00:18:39] I'd be side-eyeing those parents all the time but Julita says, I read the original post. I'm glad you went with your gut and everything worked out. If you would've caved, it would've set a poor precedent for the future. Well done. OP says, I agree. Thank you. And one more comment which says, I'm glad to see you put your mental health first. You did the right thing. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:08] How did the update make you feel as well? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And don't forget at the very end of the video, there'll be a couple of playlists there that you can click on and it will automatically scroll through all the videos for you. Once again, huge thank you for being here. Much love and I'll see you in the next one. Bye-bye.