My Boyfriend's Ex Is RUINING Our Relationship....Or Is She?

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the What Should I Do subreddit from OptimumTrouble8150. And it says,

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00] What do I do about my 25 female boyfriend's 34 male ex? She is ruining our relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. We moved in together three months ago. He has a daughter with an ex. They broke up three years before we even met. I've spoken to her only briefly a few times and she seemed fine those times, but she keeps stressing my boyfriend out.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00] He's been honest that things have been strained between them ever since the divorce, but he's been trying to keep things amicable for their daughter. Up until recently, it was usually just him being a little stressed after getting back from handovers and him telling me he had to put his foot down a few times, but that was about it. Now his ex is being really difficult. For example, we had to cancel plans to go away for a weekend together because his ex out of nowhere threatened to keep their daughter away from him if we went away together.

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00] We lost all the money we had paid. For another time, she started demanding more money from him and said if he didn't pay, she'd stop his daughter from seeing him. And then his daughter didn't come over for three weeks. He usually has her at the weekends, but didn't for three weekends in a row, which she was really angry about, but says there's nothing he can do as the courts always side with her. I'm really confused because although things were strained, it's never been like this. Never kept his daughter away from him.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00] It's mostly been he says she keeps taking pot shots at him every time they hand over, comparing him to her current boyfriend and how much better the boyfriend is, etc. Petty BS, but not this. I wonder at first if she was mad we moved in together, but I don't know because when we did, she didn't exactly congratulate us or anything, but like, she did take their daughter for the weekend to give us time to get moved in and settled. If she had a problem, surely she wouldn't do that. And she helped their daughter pick out a really nice moving in gift for me.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00] Sometimes his daughter and I have Disney marathons and the ex sends over snacks if she knows we're doing that. And even things like me and the daughter really like Disney. And one way we have bonded is me taking her to the new Disney movies or Disney marathons at home. I always check with boyfriend and ex to make sure neither of them were planning to take her first. But his ex got their daughter a cinema gift card for Christmas with enough for the two of us to go to the cinema together for a few months and very clearly wrote on there that it was so both of us could go by the way.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00] She didn't get me a gift, but that gift was for her daughter, but deliberately something we could both enjoy. So again, not something you would do if you didn't like somebody or disapproved of them, etc. But every day I'm hearing about how his ex keeps pressing him for more or threatening to keep their daughter away from him. His daughter is over less and less. I don't know how she went from before to this. As I said, maybe things were tense between them, but she's never done this before. And as at least shown, she doesn't seem to have a problem with me.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00] The other night he was so angry, he started trying to pick a fight with me, which he's never done before. I told him we should stop so he has time to calm down. He's not himself. And he screamed at me that I'm just another controlling bitch and it's my fault he can't see his daughter. And he stormed out and didn't come home until the next morning. When he got back, he apologized and said he's just stressed because his ex-wife is being a bitch as usual. Since then, he is snippy with me all the time. He treats everything I say like it's a criticism or a dig at him or something.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00] He was never like this before. He's also been criticizing me. He never used to before. I'm so lost as to what to do. Our relationship used to be so good. I even get on great with his daughter. I don't know how or what to do or why this is happening. I just don't understand what is going on. Does anyone have any advice? Update and thank you to everyone for their comments. It has given me some real perspective. And I'm going to see if I can talk to the ex-wife because it's clear something isn't right.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00] There is something someone isn't telling me. I don't know how it will go, but I asked their daughter for her mom's number. I told her it was to text her about birthday stuff, which I feel bad about lying to her, but I didn't want to involve her too much. She's only 12. I'm thinking about what to text her. And I was with OP. It kind of feels like we're not getting the full story in this situation. The fact that the ex is shifting OP things and supplying stuff so she can bond with the daughter.

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00] But then boyfriend's coming back and basically contradicting that information saying she's not like that at all. But when he started flipping in this and calling his ex-wife a bitch and saying to OP that she's just another controlling bitch and it's all his fault. Hmm. It's very, very sus. JCT says, um, I'd be asking if this is a him problem or what has changed. If X seems to like you and hasn't a problem with you, then she has a problem with him. What in their relationship has changed?

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00] Can you ask her directly what's going on? You have a right to know given that you lost money on the trip too. Also him taking it out on you is not acceptable. OP says we've only spoken a handful of times as my boyfriend usually drops off their daughter because his ex-wife is always having car trouble. So he picks their daughter up and drops them off. The few times I have run into her, like in the supermarket, she's been pleasant enough, said hello, etc. But we've never had what I would call a conversation. I don't have a number.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe I can ask their daughter for it, but I'm worried that would be weird and not my business. JCT says, what does your gut say about what he tells you? Do you think you're getting the whole story? This really does sound like a him problem. Bear in mind, you've been living together long and this period is when people start to show their true colors. These threats about withholding the child I don't believe. A court would not look favorably on that. Particularly if he has that in writing from her.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00] When your holiday was impacted, it became your business or at least that's how I'd look at it. Trust your instinct. You felt something was wrong enough that you came on here. Believe in yourself and investigate further. Opie says, my gut says something isn't right, but I just don't know if it's with the ex or him. Neither of them were like this before. I guess that's why I posted on here. I just don't know what to make of it. A few people have suggested talking to the ex, but I'm worried. Boyfriend tells me things she says to him and how she takes pot shots at him.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00] I don't think she has a problem with me, but maybe she does. What if she does? Maybe talking to her would be a mistake. Gothic says, why did he and ex get divorced? Opie says, they just drifted apart as far as I know. Shut the front door says, he can easily fix all of this by going to court and having a custody agreement. He's not telling you the whole story. He's banking on your naivety based on your age. His mask is starting to slip and you saw the real him when he picked a fight with you because he was having a bad day.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, he says they have one, but the courts always take her side when he disputes it or challenges things. He says he has tried so many times in the past and come out worse every time. Humble phrase says, I'm sorry, but why would you date a man with kids at your age? That's my number one deal breaker because nine times out of 10, it comes with drama like this. Also, he called you a bitch, which would be more than enough to end the relationship for me. Opie says, I was cautious of that, but we did have quite a bit in common and we gelled pretty well.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, often it does come with drama, but not always. My mom and stepdad have a big age gap. Yes, kids also. There was no drama and nothing like this. My mom and his ex-wife often go get margaritas together. My family and stepdad's ex-wife and kids often went on holidays together. And yeah, it did bother me when he called me a bitch, but it was the first time he'd done something like that. So at that time, I didn't know what to think. But now I know. So it was 13 days after that, that Opie came in with an update and said,

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_00] I spent some time thinking about what I wanted to do. In the end, I decided to speak to my boyfriend's ex. I kind of almost wish I didn't. So I got her number off her daughter. I'm not involving her in anything. I just told her I wanted to text her mom about birthday stuff. The daughter's birthday is next month. And initially, that's what I did. I text the ex and we agreed to meet for coffee. I wanted to bring some of the stuff or ask about custody arrangements or why she'd been keeping his daughter away, but I chickened out. We had coffee and just talked about birthday plans for the daughter.

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00] The rest of the week, we texted back and forth, coordinating stuff I said I would do for the birthday and so on. Long story short, I worked up the courage to text and ask about why I'm not involved. Why daughter hadn't been allowed over as much. I tried to do it in a non-accusatory way, like ask her is everything okay? Is daughter feeling okay? Is there anything I can do to make things easier? Even drive and pick her up. She didn't text back until the next day. I was in panic thinking I fucked up and caused problems, but when she texted back the following afternoon,

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_00] she apologized for going silent, but that we should probably meet for coffee. So we did. What I found out raised more questions than it answered. It's a mess, but I try and lay it out in a way that makes sense. There was a lot, but these are the main points. She hasn't been stopping their daughter from coming over. My boyfriend has. He's been saying he can't have her at certain weekends. He's made all sorts of excuses like illness, work related stuff and so on.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00] They did have a fight about money, but it was the ex pushing back after over a month of him not taking their daughter on their days that he would have to start paying more child support as he wasn't having her as much. Child support is based on how many days they each have her and stuff like that. She showed me text between them to prove it was all true. I mentioned about canceling the holiday. She said she had not demanded he cancel it. Showed me text between them for that time period. None of it is her demanding he cancel it, but he did send a message to say,

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, something came up. So we're not going. We chatted for a while. I asked us so many questions. The reason they broke up is because he cheated on her with a colleague, packed his bags, moved out without saying anything to move in with his colleague, leave an ex and his daughter. Didn't even see his daughter for four months. No contact, ignored all cause. Nothing except sending a small amount of money every so often. When he finally did want to see his daughter,

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00] ex agreed and did everything she could to make sure he and their daughter got to see each other and rebuilding their relationship. But then long story short, his affair partner wasn't very nice. She would bully and abuse their daughter. He ignored it or made excuses. So ex got the courts involved and refused to let their daughter stay while his affair partner was around. Ultimately, the affair partner left him to be with somebody else. But because of the abuse that he allowed to happen, he was basically not allowed to see daughter unsupervised for a while.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00] It took a while, but with him doing everything the courts told him to do, he was able to have his daughter on weekends. She's shown me proof of this. I told the ex about how the boyfriend has been treating me, what he's been saying. She says he was like that towards her when he started cheating. Constantly trying to start fights, storming out, staying out all night, constantly picking at her and criticizing her. So I did some digging. I checked his phone, but couldn't find any texts or DMs or anything out of place. But stuff was off.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00] I did find emails confirming he had canceled our holiday. He told me we couldn't get a refund, but he did. I have no idea where that money went. In my digging, I found out a few things. The colleague he cheated with had moved away, but she had moved back. And according to her various profiles, she is single. And nothing in either his or her profile shows they have met up as far as I know. But still, her coming back lines up with when he started getting mean towards me. And then I found out he has a second phone he keeps stashed in the study slash office.

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_00] I haven't been able to open it. I wasn't able to see any messages or notifications of any kind on the lock screen. But I started noticing before he leaves the house, he goes into the office. I never noticed before or thought about it. But now without fail, I notice he will always go into the office before leaving the house by himself. Like if he's going to work or going out for a run. It's a new phone too. He always trades his old phones in when he upgrades and it's not one I recognize. But it is on and fully charged.

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_00] One time he came up to the office while I was upstairs. So I crept in to look through the door. And I saw him taking the phone and putting it in his pocket. So he's taking it with him when he goes out. I don't think I have to unlock the phone to know he is doing something he doesn't want anyone to see. I don't know for sure whether it's the colleague or it's just a coincidence. Either way, there's only a few reasons to have a secret phone you hide from your partner and none of them are good.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_00] I haven't confronted him yet. But I can't live like this. I can't live knowing what kind of person he was. Knowing what he let happen to his daughter. Knowing he is lying. I just don't know what to do. Okay Turnip says to OP, this sucks so much. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Is it possible you could have a friendship with the ex and still be a support system for her and the daughter? OP says I have been thinking about it. The ex is really nice.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00] During our talk, she even said that she'd been really hopeful that him dating me was a sign of him changing for the better. Because she thought I was the kind of person she'd want in their daughter's life. I think I would like to ask her but I don't know if that would be weird. Commodore says since you're now on good terms with the ex, you should confide in her. Ask her if she can help you stay in the daughter's life as sort of an auntie. Since she approves of you and went through something similar with your soon to be ex, I can't see why she wouldn't agree. OP says yeah, I really want to do this.

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00] I'm just worried I'd come across as weird or something. How do you even ask the mother of the child of your ex? Hey, I think we're breaking up but can I still see your daughter? But I really, really don't want to lose her. Having a coffee with her seemed really, really nice. We got along okay. Idol says daughter's mum seems really cool. Maybe eventually you could become friends and maintain an auntie type role. You don't need confirmation. He has a second phone and treating you badly. It's enough to leave by itself. Yes, your conclusions are likely correct.

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00] But who cares anymore? He's hiding a phone. That deception should be a deal breaker regardless of the reason. Plus, he is lying about money. Or are you going to wait for him to ghost you like he did with his ex? You sneaking around trying to find the truth out about a liar won't make anything feel better. I think you know it's time to exit. Doing so with grace while him and his other ex are acting trashy is the best you can do. Based on his actions, he will try to turn you into a villain no matter what you do. Keep your head up. You deserve better than this liar.

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00] Opie replied saying, I'm definitely going to break up. I can't stay with him anymore. I just want to do so in a way that impacts the daughter as little as possible and hopefully in a way I can still be in her life. Even if it's not as involved. I do want to talk to the ex to see if she's fine with it. I just have no idea how to start such a weird unconventional conversation. And we do have a final update in the moment. But you know, I don't know if people consider it weird or not. I personally don't.

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_00] I think you've built up a bond with a daughter and one that sounds that's quite nice. You got both a liking of Disney films and maybe you can carry that on going to the cinema together when new films come out, etc. I imagine you're quite an important person within the daughter's life. And the mom does seem genuinely cool like one of the commenters said. And Opie sounds like a sweet person themselves. I'm really hoping that things are going to work out for the best here. But two and a half months later, Opie comes in with a final update.

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00] And says me, 26 female and my ex-boyfriend, 34 male, were together about a year and a half. And we broke up recently for several reasons. Long story short, he started treating me badly. I found out he was keeping a secret second phone. And then I found out some pretty shocking stuff about his past. Full details are in the other posts I made. Anyway, we broke up a few months ago. I got along really well with my ex's daughter, Amy, 12 female. Fake name, obviously. We really bonded.

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00] And as far as I was concerned, she was family. Luckily, I've managed to stay in contact with Amy through a mom, Jane. I wouldn't go as far as to say me and Jane are besties or anything. But she's been really helpful and kind in making sure I can see Amy. She's done things like invite me over once a week to have dinner with her and Amy at her place. So now to the problem. When we were together, my ex would say all sorts of things about Jane. Things that I learned were not true.

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_00] Not only did he say things like how Jane would always try and get more money from him, but would claim she would threaten to stop Amy from seeing him for any little thing and would have to cancel our plans. I later learned and saw proof that this wasn't true. He also told me things like they broke up because she was abusive and controlling and other unkind things. I found out that none of this was true. And actually they got divorced because he cheated on her with a co-worker and did a bunch of very bad things. It's one of the many reasons I dumped him.

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_00] Anyway, over the last few months, I've been feeling really guilty about the things my ex said about Jane. I never joined in when he bashed her or anything. I just nodded and let him get it out. I thought he was just venting and it wasn't something like he did every day or anything. Just every now and then. When we broke up, I felt bad that he was saying these things about Jane behind her back and that didn't seem fair. And worse, he also said these things to his friends and people he works with when we've gone out together.

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_00] His co-workers think Jane is some crazy abusive narcissist and they regularly call her crazy. Knowing what I know now and feeling terrible about it, I've told her all the things he said about her. Jane thanked me for telling her and she said she didn't blame me. I didn't know and we chatted about it. Well, Jane has cleared things up with some of their mutual friends, including the reasons he was not allowed to have unsupervised custody of Amy. Their mutual friends are appalled. They didn't know any of this. The majority of his friends have cut him off.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00] They don't hang out. He's been uninvited from stuff they used to do. One other of their friends, the former mutual friend of him and Jane, chewed him out for it. My ex is furious about this and is blaming me. He says it's none of my business. It wasn't for me to tell anyone and how dare I air his dirty laundry. He didn't give me permission to tell anyone and what I did was petty and pathetic. I knew Jane intended to tell their mutual friends and I encouraged her, but now I wonder if I did the right thing. He says I have ruined his life. His lost friends.

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00] I'm worried I went too far. Should I have kept quiet about it? I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but now I'm not so sure. The outcome of this is actions have consequences. It's simply his behavior has caused all this and he dragged OP into all of this and now OP is just telling her side of things, which absolutely she should be doing. And I'm glad she was able to keep some kind of relationship with her daughter and her boyfriend's ex at the same time.

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00] The commenter said to OP, well, not the arsehole. He shouldn't have done those things plain and simple. Express replied saying yeah. You're not airing dirty laundry if none of it's true. You're helping squash lies and gossip. Not the arsehole. Screw him. Spicy says not the arsehole here. He ruined his own life. He fucked around and found out and is now learning his actions have consequences. What is wrong with you says not the arsehole. Well, isn't it funny when people face the consequences of his own actions?

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00] It's everyone else's fault. You didn't ruin his life. You didn't cost him friendships. He did that all on his own through his behavior, his choices. He doesn't like that his lies and manipulation got out because it makes him look bad, because he is not a good person. It is good that everyone who trusted him found out what kind of person he is so they can protect themselves from him. Plus, you protected yourself because he would have 100% done the same to you behind your back too. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_00] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Off My Chest subreddit from OKLobster6313 and says my husband had the nerve to ask me to help him raise his affair child. He didn't even try to deny that he's cheating. He had an affair with one of his colleagues and she's pregnant. He asked me to help raise the child he's going to have with another woman.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_00] He even said it would be a case of sharing custody so we would still have time for ourselves. I'm going to stay with my sister. She said I can have a guest room for as long as I need it. I'm leaving tomorrow and I'll be going to see a divorce solicitor after Christmas. I haven't told anyone yet. Even my sister doesn't know all the details. I'll tell everyone once I moved out of our flat. I need to tell someone now though. I've been sick over this. Bloody cheeky sod.

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_00] Abbreviation says why doesn't he just raise the child with that other woman? What the fuck? I'm so sorry. I hope he said because he doesn't want a divorce and she's also married. Though I'm not sure if I should believe anything that he says about her. Downtown violinist says why are you moving out and not him? Opie says we both signed the lease to our flat so I cannot force him to leave. Under the law he has just as much right to our flat as I do. A commenter who was downvoted said I'll change the locks or just add a lock and put his stuff outside.

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00] Let him go stay with his affair partner. Opie says legally I have no authority to do that. Our landlord will also not permit it since both of our names are on the lease. As I said in my previous post under the law he has just as much right to our flat as I do. IT department says be prepared for him to screw you over in some way by forcing you to continue to pay towards the lease. Consult your attorney about this. Make sure you get your share of security deposit back. Take pics of the property before you leave.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says the current lease ends in February and I've already taken steps to ensure the remaining two months of rent were paid directly to the landlord. She is aware I'm moving out tomorrow. I'm grateful to my sister for her help in paying the rent. Commodore says Opie I'm so sorry you're going through this. You sure it's his kid? I wonder if she's the office bicycle where everyone gets a ride. Either way glad you're not going to put up with this. Does the affair partner's husband know? Please be safe keep us updated.

[00:22:47] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says he believes the child is his. However it doesn't really matter since he admitted he was having an affair. Even if the child wasn't his I would still divorce him. I'm not even sure if I believe him when he says that his colleague is married. I don't know whether her husband if there is one knows. If I found out there is a husband I will tell him though. So it was three and a half months later that Opie did come back into the post and says my husband lied to me about his colleague being married.

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00] She's engaged not married or at least she was engaged. I don't know what's going on with that now. My husband said her husband knew about the affair however her fiance didn't know until I told him. He lied to me about how far along she is in the pregnancy. He said she was not even halfway through it. She's actually over eight months pregnant. He lied to me about how long the affair was going on. He told me it was less than six months. Really it has been going on for almost two years.

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_00] He said their manager and their colleagues found out about the affair after I did. However they actually found out before me. He was having an affair while I was caring for his mother. She had dementia and she lived with us for the last year and a half of her life. She died in November. My mother-in-law was lovely before dementia took her and she would have never condoned the affair. My husband, siblings and family are horrified at what he has done. I do not regret caring for her. He doesn't want a divorce. He says he regrets the affair and loves me more than anything.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00] I can't trust a word that comes out of his mouth though. Not after all the lies he told. He wants me to help him raise the baby he's having with another woman. He says since custody will be shared, we will still have time for ourselves. I've hired a solicitor because I'm not staying and I don't want anything to do with him or the baby. Just like what is going through that guy's mind to think that to even request this. It's just so incredibly wild.

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_00] I've already betrayed you by cheating on you for more than two years and now we're pregnant and I want you to care for that child too. What the f- It just seems so casual as well. Almost like, you know, it's happened now so let's just care for the baby and move on. What the fuck mate? Relief shares those thoughts by saying yeah, I have one question. He's just assumed to be ex completely delusional. I just can't imagine how he thinks that his requests are even remotely close to rational.

[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_00] Someone replies saying he's delusional. It's cracking me up the degree of delusion that he's living on or wants you to live in. He made that now. He needs to line it and change his diaper. Let's not forget he needs to pay for them too. The dance says the custody will be shared so we can have some time for ourselves. Sent me. Who is we? He had the audacity. Commodore replies saying well, OP did take care of his mother for the last year and a half of her life. So why wouldn't she take care of his affair baby? Don't you know? Slash sarcasm.

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_00] He's a right proper cad. And contingent Max says you might want to stop calling him your husband if you're leaving. Make sure to get tested too. God knows what other stupid decisions he was making and clearly he wasn't using protection. It's just such a wild mindset, isn't it? Holy moly. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:26:03] [SPEAKER_00] Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. Truly it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.