My Boyfriend's 10-Year Secret Ended Our 4 Year Relationship And He Thinks I'm The Problem | Reddit

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now our first story comes from PedalShamer97 from the Am I The Arse or Here subreddit and it says am I the arse or here for breaking up with my boyfriend after he was being honest with me.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00] I don't really know how to go about this post. I'm sorry in advance if it's all over the place and this is a long one. This is my first post ever. My ex, 30 male and I, 28 female were together for 4 years. We did everything together. We are both truck drivers so we used to work together, play video games together, went everywhere together, literally did everything together.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00] But once we decided to stay home from driving cross country for 2 years, things started to change. I ended up getting a very good paying job driving trucks, delivering gas to gas stations and he ended up getting an ok paying job. We lived in a 3 income household. Him, his mum and I. Between all 3 of us, I made the most money. So with that I was paying the bills, buying all the groceries, keeping the house above water basically.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00] On top of all of this, he has 3 kids, 2 baby mummers and with an ok paying job, half of his paychecks goes to child support. He would only have enough money to pay his car payment and half the phone bill. At the end of paying all the bills, buying groceries and buying his kids clothes, shoes and school supplies, I'd be left with $200 to my name. Majority of the time I was negative in my bank account or barely having enough money for myself for the next 2 weeks.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] There were other issues in our relationship. I caught him messaging other women, going to meet with them. He didn't help me with his kids, none of the housework, didn't cook, nothing. He would come home from work, take a shower and play the video game. Whereas me, I'd come home from work in 12 to 15 hour shifts and cook dinner for everyone, 6 people and make sure everyone ate, do the dishes, make sure the kids were ready for school, clean the kitchen and then take my shower and get 3 to 4 hours of sleep.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00] I did express to him that I need help. I can't do everything and I'm getting tired and for a little while he would help do the dishes, do some laundry, entertain the kids. It didn't last long. It came with complaints of his back hurting while he did the dishes or him saying, I will put clothes in the washer and start it for you, but you have to put them in the dryer and put the clothes away when they are done. It was a lot. I started getting burnt out, tired.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00] Last year in November, I started working for a different fuel hauling company, but instead of working days, 3am to 3pm, I had to work nights, 1pm to 1am. I couldn't be home to cook dinners or make sure the house was clean or make sure the kids were good because I would be at work. On Saturday, December 13th, 25, I'm at work and I get a text from my boyfriend saying that his mum is pissed off at me. He told me she was talking crazy about me, how lazy I am, how I don't help clean up around the house and some more stuff.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00] This was just a general summary of what she had said. It was a whole lot worse. It made me feel horrible. I felt like I wasn't welcome coming back home after everything that he was telling me that she was saying about me. I tried to ignore all of it because at the end of the day, I'm driving a rolling bomb and I need to focus on work. Well, later that evening, he tells me that he has a confession to make, hence the title or the post. He told me that he had been keeping a secret from me, that he got herpes 10 years ago.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00] He claimed he forgot to tell me and when he would have a flare up, he would just choose not to tell me. I felt like my whole world crashed. I felt like someone threw two grenades at me and they both exploded at the same time. I was angry, heartbroken. I felt betrayed, lied to. I felt like he kept a very serious secret from me. Something that should have been mentioned when we first started talking. It was a mess of emotions. He swore up and down that he didn't cheat on me. But in my opinion, how could you forget that you have herpes?

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00] You don't just forget stuff like that. And then when you remember you do, you still chose not to tell me. I didn't know what to believe. I came home that night walking on eggshells because I didn't know if I was welcome or not, feeling my heart had been shattered into a million pieces as I stepped into the house. Fast forward to December 16th. I wake up to a text from him basically saying, We need to talk. So I text him and he basically said, I think we should separate. You've been very distant ever since I told you about my STD.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00] I feel like you are not being supportive and understanding and it is very mean and is breaking my heart. I told him if he doesn't understand where my emotions and reaction is coming from, then he doesn't really care about me. It ended up turning into a heated exchange of text messages. So I agreed that we should separate and moved in with my mum that night. On December 18th, I rented a U-Haul truck, rented a storage unit and grabbed all my things from his house. We said our goodbyes and I left.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00] It's now January 9th, 26th and I finally blocked him on everything. We were texting back and forth casually, cordially up until today. I wanted so bad for him to still be in my life. He was my best friend, but it was getting toxic. He was sending me messages that you left without fighting. If you really loved me, you'd have been more understanding. I would have never left you if you told me you had an STD. I feel a mix of emotions from all of this. I don't know what to feel.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00] Did I do the wrong thing and not try to figure out how to continue a relationship with someone who has an STD? Am I wrong for just leaving? Also, I did get tested and tested negative for everything. There are just so many red flags in one post and I got to the end of it and I was just thinking, what is OP actually getting out of this relationship? You know, she's working 12 to 15 hours a day, cooking, buying the kids school supplies, making sure they're ready for school, basically keeping the whole household afloat.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00] And at the end of that, she's what has $200 to her name, I think it was. And then after him, you know, the years of cheating kind of behavior, doing zero housework and his mum calling her lazy, while she's literally doing all this, he drops this herpes confession, which he forgot about for 10 years. 10 years. And treats it like he's forgot to buy the fucking milk for the fridge. The thing that got to me is that he broke up with her first because she wasn't being supportive enough about his secret 10 year STD.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00] You know, he wasn't apologetic about it. He wasn't mortified about it. He made it a her problem. And I know it's always easy for me to say in this situation that, you know, she should have been out of this a long, long time ago. I know it's difficult. She's been with him for a long time. She's been normalized to this behavior for such a long time as well. But for me, I can just picture a life for her. That's just so much better than what she's getting right here. You know, a thousand, a million times better. And I'm really hoping that's what we're going to see in this update.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00] But the first comment I said to OP, not the arsehole at all. He and his mom were using you for money, childcare, cooking, cleaning, etc. While he was getting some on the side. Don't let him try to fool you. You got herpes from cheating while you were together and lied about it. Run from this dumpster fire. The commenter says not the arsehole, but it sounds like this was the breaking point with a lot of other things pushing to end the relationship. And yes, an STD is something worth breaking up over. He could have infected you during a flare up.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00] If he loved you, he would have warned you sooner. Good luck to you. The commenter says honestly, I would have broken up with him even without the STD deception. He described a ridiculous unequal relationship where he gets hobbies and cheats on you. And you don't even get enough sleep and spend all your money on supporting his household. You deserve somebody who has even the most basic respect for you. And ideally a lot more. ETA, not the arsehole. Quite obviously.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00] So it was two months later that OP came back in with her update and said, I'm back with an update. A few comments wanted an update on my original post. So here it is. I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who commented, put in their opinions and for all the support. I knew I'd be reading some harsh comments, but I was ready for it. The majority of them were love and support. I read every single comment and continue to, to continue getting reassurance and see all the support I receive from strangers. Thank you all. I'm single.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00] I blocked my ex on every social media platform that I have, but it didn't stop him. Maybe two weeks after I blocked him, he tried reaching out to me via email, fake phone numbers, his mum's phone and his two daughter's phones. He wanted to talk things through. I continued to block him and I began getting very annoyed. I just want to be left alone. I want to heal in peace. But I soon realized he is reaching out to me to see if he can get me back to help him so he can have his bang made back. As some of the comments referred to me as,

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'm still driving trucks and delivering that good gas for them gas stations. I found that I can sleep a foot eight to nine hours now. I have so much time on my hands. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. I'm still living with my mum, helping her pay bills and everything else. I'm still able to save money. Y'all, I'm saving money. My life is a complete 180 from what it was a few months ago. I'm loving it. So peaceful. So much time to myself. I only have to worry about those who truly love me. My mum.

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_00] I can keep my entire paycheck to myself. So many benefits to me being away from him and everything that comes with him. Once again, thank you for the comments, the support, everyone's opinions. I appreciate all of you. Thank you. Someone mentioned about the possibility of her ex cheating on her and getting an STD. I hope he says, I'm pretty sure he cheated or was cheating on me when I started working night shift and caught the STD and then tried to fabricate a story about it. Commodore says, You know, if you and your mum get along, it might be a great long-term situation.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00] Mum gets help with the bills and such, giving her some financial stability. And you get someone who is willing to help cook and clean. After all, she's been cooking and cleaning for herself for years. Plus, you both get to have someone around whose company you enjoy. Win-win. Yes, herpes is far more common and treatable than you think. Most people have one form of it or another. Get tested and talk to your doctor. I hope he says, My mum and I are super close. We help each other with everything around the apartment. My mum is my biggest supporter, to be honest.

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know what I would do without her. There was a downvoted commenter who talked about her mother not teaching her basic self-respect. And Opia replied saying, I grew up watching my mum being in an abusive marriage with my dad. Not only my mum's job, but my dad's job as well, to show me what a good relationship looks like. But they were both flawed in that department. I'm growing and learning in my own experiences with therapy. That commenter says, You did the right thing. Random tip. Don't tell new guys early on about this. Finding out your previous put up with this

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00] will be bait to other men that want to put you through hell. I wasn't surprised at all that he was coming crawling back. Imagine someone who was doing all that in your house and then suddenly it's gone. He realised that he fucked up big time. But I'm super glad that she did keep away from him and started living her life. Like she said, she got so much free time now. Free time for hobbies. Free time to sleep. Free time to do what the fuck you like. Fair play to her. There's always that tiny part of me that does feel sorry for the kids in this situation.

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_00] Not that it's an OP problem at all. 100% not an OP problem. But you know, I can picture OP being the only bit of stability that they had in that household. So I do hope that they're okay at the same time. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from a throwaway account and says,

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_00] Edit, not a week after my mother passed. Two weeks. I've known my girlfriend since university and we've been dating ever since. I was supposed to propose this month. I have to postpone that because my mother passed away last month. My father passed away to blood cancer a few years back and my mother to an aneurysm a month ago. This happened the same month but I haven't been in the best mindset to deal with it so I've put it off until now. My mother passed away on the 6th last month. She lives in the UK

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_00] so I went to be with my family and support them and myself for a while. My girlfriend didn't come along as it was a last minute flight and she had just flown out to Vancouver for business. I was with my family, essentially just my two brothers and some cousins for two weeks. I came back to get some belongings so I can relocate there for a month or so. My girlfriend knew I was coming back and was going to come with me. I came back on the 21st but was supposed to come back a day after. I took a taxi home as my girlfriend was still,

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_00] according to her, in Vancouver. There wasn't any car in my driveway or shoes on my porch. I wasn't expecting anyone to be home anyways. I came around 1am and walked straight into our bedroom and she was sleeping there with some other guy. I didn't wake her up or anything and I've been at a hotel ever since. She's been calling me for weeks but I can't answer. I really don't know what to do. My family wasn't very close but my parents meant everything to me. Seeing my girlfriend there made me realize I didn't have anyone right now.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry if this is really jumbled but it's 4am here and I'm drunk and crying and trying to collect myself. I really appreciate any advice you guys can give me. So the first commenter says to OP, you definitely should be with family right now. I'm so sorry for your loss on what you were going through. Does your girlfriend know you saw her? If not, you should just send her a text saying, I came back home on X date. I saw you. Don't contact me again. Otherwise, she will think you're evading her because of your grief and not because she's an asshole.

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_00] You said you're going to be in the UK for a month. Can you make it longer so you're with your siblings? OP says, I'm sorry, I passed out overnight. No, she was sleeping and it was really sudden. I didn't do much other than just turn the lights on and then leave. I don't know if she's called my brother to see if they know anything yet. I can't contact her. I feel like I need to move on but I still feel so isolated here. I can ask for a longer leave from work and the lease isn't due for a while so I can move away for a bit. Commenter says, you can text message her.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_00] No need to talk to her. OP says, I know it sounds stupid but she's been sending me all these supportive texts and I can't text her knowing she's the same person who betrayed me like that. I'm going home though. She'll be at work so I don't know how I'll do it. I'm ending it though. It just feels so unfair still. Commenter says, don't reply to her. Just send her a text to say you break up. We can even write it for you if it helps. OP replies saying, could you? I don't want to sound desperate but it would be better than my rambling to her.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_00] Even if you guys have any advice I'd appreciate it a lot. Commenter replies saying, say this, I saw you in our bed with another man when you claimed to be in Vancouver. The fact that you'll be doing that to me when you know what I'm going through right now says a lot about who you are and how you view me. The relationship is clearly over. Please don't contact me. OP replies saying, this is straight to the point. I would have rambled, thank you. I'm getting my things out soon so I'll send it as soon as I'm away.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00] I really appreciate this. And it's just absolutely heartbreaking for this guy because this guy's going through one of his worst experiences and the one person he should be able to lean on during this experience wasn't even who he thought she was. She was going behind his back and doing this to him. It's just bloody awful, isn't it? But OP did come in to update this post and says, before I get into this I want to thank everyone who messaged and commented. It really means a lot and the support was overwhelming

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_00] and very, very helpful. If I didn't reply, I'm sorry but I tried to read every message. Thank you. A little more backstory. You could skip this if you just want an update on what happened. My family wasn't the closest. I do love them but growing up as the oldest I was the only one who had to strive to be perfect and a role model. As soon as I started to try and be myself I was shot down and hurt physically and mentally. I do still love my mother and father. They raised me in a really bad time even though I appreciate them.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_00] I met my girlfriend C in middle school. She was instantly my best friend and was the one who made me forget about my home life even if people made fun of her for hanging out with a kid. We started going out in my last year of high school and through uni. She was always the more mature and rational person throughout our relationship while I was the one who overreacted and worried too much most of the time. Throughout our relationship she was always the one helping me through depression, family problems, stress, anything. We never really had any bumps in our relationship. Maybe we were holding stuff in

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00] but we were inseparable. There were times when the other guys her age tried to make her move on to her but she always told me and was very adamant in telling me that she wasn't interested in anyone else and she did turn every one of those guys down. Sometimes it felt like I was even a burden to her making her feel like something I used only for comfort in tough times. Even then she would get mad if I tried keeping it to myself and urged me to always tell her. She did the same to me. Basically our relationship was perfect to me. She was my best friend

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_00] and I trusted and loved her more than my abusive family. I'd like to think I meant the same to her. Now to what happened after the original post. After updating I spent the early day at the motel reading all your comments and trying to figure it all out. I called my buddy N and told him the gist of it. He was very kind and offered to move me in with him until I could sort myself out and by 12pm the next day when she left for work we're at the flat gathering my things and moving into his. The flat was very clean. Cleaner than when I found her

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_00] with someone else at least. She obviously tried to hide any evidence that anyone was there. After we finished moving I started figuring out what to tell her if I did tell her anything at all. Some of you very generously sent me messages and comments helping me write a message. This is what I eventually sent to her. I caught an early flight back and came home early. I'm going to go straight to the point. I saw you sleeping with someone else. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. The fact that you would do this to me really shows me how you felt about me. If that's really

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00] what you want though I'll move out. I'll keep paying half of my lease. The landlord should fill you in on everything else. Please for my sake at least don't contact me ever again. The rest of the day was a drunken blur and nothing much happened until the day after. She did come back home the next day and saw the message in flat. She didn't know where I was but she did try calling me and texting. N wouldn't let me see at first but after a while I eventually saw that she wrote back. It was mostly a jumbled mess of questions and apologies

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_00] but she did send this after she knew I wasn't replying. I'm sorry I didn't expect you to forgive me. Yes I cheated. Yes I lied to you. I still love you. I'm not asking for a second chance but I felt lonely. I know that's selfish from me because of all you went through and I know I'm a horrible person. You were away and when you came back you never talked about it. I needed someone to show me they cared. I know I'm selfish stupid and a bitch. I fucked up. I still love you. I'm sorry. Goodbye. Goodbye. That was the last text she sent me two days ago.

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_00] For the last two days I've been shamelessly bawling my sorry eyes. I know I shouldn't be the one crying but I feel so alone. I have no one right now. She was the one person I trusted with my life. If she disregarded me so easily then what am I? I honestly feel like shit and I can write pages of how shitty I am right now. I actually don't know how I should feel. You guys really wanted and deserved an update and thank you for all the help so far. It really means so much. Now I can't be dealing

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00] with that I felt needy explanation. It just felt so unneeded when OP's already going through all this as well. Coming out with I felt needy it's just don't take the piss. Now OP's grieving multiple times basically. He's grieving his parents. He's also grieving the person who he thought he was with and I know OP isn't okay at the moment but I really do hope that going forward they find themselves in a much better place. At the moment he's got N he's got a place to stay and I really hope

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_00] he's able to rebuild from there because clearly he just deserves so much better than that. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from a throwaway account and says I 20 female cannot deal with my boyfriend's 25 male tattoo dedicated to his ex 23 female. Pretty much what the title says. They'd been together

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_00] for a couple of years a few months before he and I got together. He'd gotten the tattoo symbolic of her name a year into their relationship. He told me he kind of designed it himself but had to make some tweaks because the one he'd originally designed was too intricate. I'm very very uncomfortable. I know this happened before I was in his life and that I shouldn't let it bother me and blah blah blah but I can't help how I feel. I can't just suck it up. I really need some advice on how to start working on getting over this. Thank you.

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00] The commenter said to OP straight away it would be ironic if he covered it for you as he'd be getting a tattoo for a girl again. OP laughs but says but no way will I stand it if he gets it covered by a tattoo dedicated to me. The commenter says this is why you never get tattoos for other people except maybe your kids parents or siblings. No love interest. You're entitled to the way that you feel. I think it also depends on what that tattoo is. Is it a design with her name or their anniversary date or something?

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe he can get it covered up if he wants to after hearing how you feel but if it is a simple design and you wouldn't know it was dedicated to her then I'd say but you're entitled to your feelings try and work through it. OP says I completely agree. It's foolish to get something so transient tattooed on your body. He even mentioned how he wasn't very deeply in love with her while getting the tattoo. No comment on why he got it anyway. What the fuck? Her name is that of a flowers. He's had that flower tattooed on his bicep. I would have laughed

[00:22:02] [SPEAKER_00] if I hadn't felt my heart shatter when he told me about it. It's also his very first tattoo ever. He got on the fuse since then but it still fucking stings that his first tattoo is dedicated to this woman. Thank you for not dismissing my feelings about it. He mentioned getting it covered up after he saw my reaction but he's mentioned it only a couple of times since then and he always says it in a tone that implies that he's gonna get it covered up only because I'm so bothered by it like he's doing me a favor. Pug McMuffin says how long have you and him been together?

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly it sucks but I wouldn't ask him to cover it up until and unless you're moving towards engagement and marriage. Opie says we've been together for a little over a year. I've never asked him to get it covered. He said to himself all I forbid him from doing is getting a tattoo of my name which he mentioned he wants. Oh, very me. Opie came in the next day with an update and said um okay I got a lot of shit. Nice to read through all of that after the kind of night I had. Last night my boyfriend got back home

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_00] to tell me that he'd found the post. He's an avid Redditor so I should have seen this coming. He said he had no idea that the tattoo was bothering me this much. We talked about it till 3 in the morning because I had college at 8. He woke me up at 6 and said he wanted to talk. Long story short he's still in love with her. He really likes me and wanted to make it work and thought that moving close to me and away from her will help him sort his feelings out and be with me wholeheartedly. So um yeah thanks to those who actually tried

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_00] to help me and didn't call me names. TLDR he still loves her I'm a fool. Commenter says ouch I'm sorry OP I tend to think I tend to think we should give our gut feelings more credit than we do because they are the culmination of a whole bunch of things we've registered on a subconscious level like body language not to mention you're not a fool. Somewhere deep down you knew that there was something not quite right and as it turns out you were completely correct. OP says thank you yes I've learned to never question the almighty gut feeling

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_00] I just hope I can move past this without breaking. Commenter says oh I'm sad to hear that OP but also and I hope this isn't shitty to say it's probably for the best that he found the post and that you guys were able to talk about it because if you guys didn't end up having that conversation we might still be together and he's kind of a jerk for dating someone while still having feelings for another person and not being up front with you about those feelings to begin with. As for the mean redditors yeah that happens in every post here sorry they made you feel bad I wouldn't worry too much about them they are most likely

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_00] sad little people with nothing better to do I think you deserve to be with someone who's honest and not hung up on another person good luck OP says it's not shitty at all I'm glad I found out now and saved myself probably decades of heartbreak because we were both pretty serious and spending our lives with each other thank you what the hell so he was gonna get a tattoo of OP's name on him at some point knowing that he was still in love with his ex what is the logic here bloody hell another commenter

[00:25:00] [SPEAKER_00] says my now ex has two massive sleeves where the faces are modeled off my face very much not my idea so he's walking around with me on either shoulder oh and then he told me he was still in love with his ex in another state and went back to her people are weird and stupid faded quill says dude's arm is gonna dude's arm it's gonna look like the lyrics to mambo number five I like Angela Pamela Sandra and reader oh I'm gonna have to stop here

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_00] I need some more coffee but what do you guys make of this situation holy bloody moly let us know your thoughts down in the comments below just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'm gonna see you in the next one take care and much love