My Boyfriend Will Only Marry Me To Make Me Happy - Should I End Things?

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark B and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from OK Inside 7927 from the Relationships subreddit. And it says, My 33 female, boyfriend 33 male, will only marry me to make me happy. Should I end things?

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_00] I've been with my boyfriend, Cole, for about five years. We dated briefly in high school, then lost touch until I added him on social media in our 20s. A few years later, I moved back to my home state and we began dating. Our relationship went through a lot of trials. I lost both parents within three years of each other and he has been supportive throughout. We broke up briefly during the pandemic due to his lack of commitment towards our relationship.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00] I had wanted us to eventually move in together and he was adamant he wouldn't move in with me. We had many fights about his lack of effort in our relationship, mainly due to him always joking or changing the subject when I wanted to talk about serious topics. At the time, he didn't respect my time and effort for our relationship. I was the one driving to his place every weekend to spend time with him. He never would come to my home. I made significantly less money than him so the cost of gas and the wear and tear on my home was not going to be.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00] I made a difference. I made my car for making the one hour one-way trip every weekend was making me rethink our relationship. We broke up, then got back together after nine months. His commitment issues were something he worked on and I saw a significant difference when we got back together. He opened up more about what was holding him back and our relationship improved drastically. Shortly after, we moved in together and have been living in our current place for four years.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00] When we moved in together, I had mentioned that I didn't think we needed to get married as I was happy how things were. The past year or so, my mind changed and now I want to get married. My thinking behind this is, I want to spend the rest of my life with this person and I don't want any legalities in the future to get in the way of that.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00] I told Cole that I'm happy to go to the courthouse, but I do want to get married. Cole regressed into his lack of talking about this seriously. He would always say, oh yeah, or we'll see. And yesterday I said, why can't you just say yes or no? Why does it have to be an up in the air answer?

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_00] That's when he admitted that marriage doesn't mean to him what it means to me. If it meant to keep me happy, he'd marry me. And I said, if you're not excited to marry me, then we're not getting married. He said he'd rather give me power of attorney and get married to ease my mind. But I said, that's not the same as marriage. We ended the conversation because I was tired of talking in circles. Now I'm trying to figure out if this is a relationship I want to continue. I want to get married, but not if I have to force him.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter quotes OP straight away saying, should I end things and then just says, yes. Another commenter says, if he wanted to, he would. He doesn't. Marriage mattered to me too for multiple reasons, including legal protections, but also for emotional ones. I should mention that I'm completely non-religious. It felt important to me that my partner and I should make an open and out loud promise of commitment to one another in front of our friends and family, speaking it out to the universe together.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00] If he had refused to do this or shown reluctance, it would have signaled to me that he did not value the relationship to the same degree and intensity that I did, or that he had doubts about promising to maintain that level of permanent commitment. If a man is worrying over whether you might potentially divorce someday, has a reason to not marry and always mentally has one foot out the door, then you don't marry them at all and you leave. I can't tell you how to feel about marriage, but all I can say is that if I were you, I would not stay with someone who did not share my views on it.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00] OP responded in the comments and said, thank you all for your responses and to the people messaging me about dating apps, not the time or place. Please stop. I have a lot to think about. I asked Cole to continue the discussion tonight and he said he's willing to discuss this further. I don't know what will happen next, but I'm confident in what I want. So it was a couple of days after this that OP did come in with an update and says, thought I would make an update for those who are interested. I wasn't able to make an update post in the subreddit.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00] The day I posted here, I messaged Cole that I wanted to continue the conversation from the night before and we both went home from work. A bit of background. Neither of us had good role models when it comes to marriage. His parents never married and mine were in a toxic one or I wished they would divorce my whole childhood. The one thing I wanted more than anything as I got older was to be in a loving marriage to prove to my younger self that not all marriages were like the ones my parents had.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00] When we sat down to talk about it, I told him what marriage means to me, how it was in my eyes, the natural order to committed relationships, how I know that I changed my mind a few years ago and do want to get married and that should have been the time to speak up if that wasn't what he wanted. I told him I want to be someone's wife, married to someone who's excited as I am to be together. I said I don't want to be just his girlfriend for the rest of my life.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00] I also said that it was okay if he doesn't want to get married, but if that is truly where he stands, then we need to end our relationship. It was a really tough talk. Cole listened intently and nodded along as I spoke. He asked me if I really wanted to be his wife. I said not if you don't want to marry me and not if you'll only marry me to appease me. I also told him that I know it's a lot to consider and he's fine to take some time to think it over. He admitted he didn't know why he has this hang up about marriage.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00] I asked him if he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, then why can't he commit to marriage? He said he didn't have an answer. I told him it was okay to think about it, but know that I don't want to continue if marriage isn't what he truly wants. So that's where we are now. I know that if this ends up being the end of the relationship, it will be for the best. While we love each other, we also need to be compatible. So now, Cole has a lot to think about. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on my last post.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00] So, it was one and a half years later that Opie came in with a second update and said I decided to give an update since it's been a year since this happened. After my last post, I was feeling very anxious but knew that if Cole was never wanting to get married, then I had to leave him. After a while of letting him sit with the information and knowing that I don't want to continue the relationship if marriage is off the table, Cole and I sat down and talked it out.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00] I won't go into details, but the talk was eye-opening and it opened a small can of worms about our communication. There were a few fights about it as well. That seemed to get us nowhere. We then decided to go to couples counseling to work on our communication and it was the best decision we ever made. In counseling, I was able to articulate better my feelings and we were given great tools that we use for conflicts. Cole opened up a lot and I'm so proud of all the work he has put into the relationship.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00] I have a much better understanding of his side of things and he understands mine better as well. We are also engaged. We talked and decided to propose to each other. I proposed first and he said it was perfect. He proposed later and I'm ecstatic. We're planning to elope in May. He's been calling me his wife and shows off our rings to everyone. I'm so happy and glad that despite some people telling me to leave, I stuck it out. A commuter says, I'm going to be real with you.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] It doesn't seem like a great sign that you had to propose to him first. Reading your other post, it honestly kind of sounds like you've been the one chasing him and pursuing him your whole relationship while he's been kind of meh about you the whole time. You've accepted these crumbs from him, probably because you don't think you can do better or don't really love yourself that much. My honest advice would be to seriously consider holding out for someone that you don't have to drag to the altar. There are men out there that would be excited to be with you. You do deserve that.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] Just being extremely honest here because I know that nobody who actually knows you is going to be this blunt about it. Best wishes to you, regardless. Opie says, He deserved to be proposed to too. Just because I went first doesn't change the fact that he also wanted to propose to me. Someone says what changed Cole's mind about being married. Opie says,

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00] He's been hurt a lot in the past and yet the mindset that marriage doesn't happen for people like him. And when confronted with someone who actually does care about him and wants to marry him, he didn't know how to handle it. Someone else says congratulations. Couples counseling is worth the time and effort. Opie says, It truly is. And for me on this, although there were some comments still not believing this is going to work out, I think it's one of those rare ones where stay and work on it is actually paid off.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00] They clearly both had their own baggage around marriage and avoidance around, you know, these serious conversations. But once they addressed them with therapy, which gets mentioned a lot on Reddit, it actually seemed to work out. And the commenters saying, you know, dragging him to the altar or ignoring the fact that he did the work. Going to couples counseling and unpacking those fears, proposing back and being excited afterwards. That's not passive behavior.

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_00] They just needed the tools to help them get there, which sounds like therapy has provided. So I think and I hope it's really going to work out for them. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Gruffalo2020 and says,

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00] Am I the arsehole for being upset that my in-laws decided to join us for two weeks of our summer without asking? My family is Greek. And since my first year on this earth, I've been lucky to go back to my village each summer to visit friends and family. I now have my own kids. And since I can work remotely, I can do the same with them. My parents are still there. And it's a beloved homecoming each year. We have a little life here with our family and neighbors. And it's very special to us.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00] This year, my in-laws, who have been to Greece before, decided they'd be joining us for three weeks. They didn't tell us until after they booked their tickets and essentially announced it. Thankfully, my husband convinced them to dial it back one week. So now it's just two. They were very upset about this change. I feel disrespected and manipulated. Context. My family went to great lengths early in our marriage to invite them and include them in our community events.

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_00] And each time they have shown no interest in speaking or engaging with anyone. Even when people went out of their way to connect. When they came to our, any house, they were there to be served. They do not even take their own plates to the sink. They arrived a few days ago and since then have made several jokes about coming for longer next year. And maybe even buying a place near us. They seem to either not understand that dictating what two weeks of our summer will look like with no consultation crossed a line. Or perhaps they don't care.

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_00] Either way, any ounce of trust or respect they have for them has evaporated. This kind of manipulation makes me not even want my kids around them. Will they manipulate them too? Am I the arsehole here? What would you all do? That is absolutely wild. Booking a two week stay in someone else's summer plans without asking is just absolutely wild to me. And the fact that they announced it instead of asking tells you that they see your time as theirs.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_00] And it kind of felt in some ways the jokes about next year and buying nearby also sounds less like humor and more like just testing the boundaries. The commenter says to OP, definitely not the arsehole. You don't just make plans to join someone for something like that without asking. I could never imagine doing that to someone. I assume that you live in the US or somewhere where you can see your in-laws whenever. And this is supposed to be your kid's chance to just be with your parents. OP says yes, exactly.

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00] We see them regularly in the US. But my mother-in-law really wants a special vacation with them. And apparently has decided to just insert herself into my childhood traditions. I don't understand. We could just talk about it and find a way for her to create her own special tradition with the kids. Dangerous Ant says mother-in-law doesn't want a special vacation. She wants a vacation with a built-in tour guide and catered meals to Greece. Liv in Western says tell them this is your time with your family.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00] And they need to arrange their own accommodations and plan their own activities without your family. Do you know why they do this? Jealous of the time you spend with your family and a controlling need to be included. OP says bingo. My goal right now is to draw clear lines and ensure this never happens again. Revolutionary Kale says not the arsehole. They have two choices. One, husband tells them it's not acceptable. It's time for you guys to be with her family and they are not welcome to ruin your vacay.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00] Two, you tell them point blank they're not welcome to participate in your vacation. And if they do so again, you'll be going no contact and that includes the children. OP says amen, amen. We're going to do both. Before they leave, I will tell them directly that if they pull a stunt like this again, they will get zero time with us and their kids. Someone says, how close were the in-laws? And OP says, this is the issue. They booked a place next to my family home. We're not moving. Been a home for 40 years.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00] To OP come in with a couple of updates, the first one came in the next day and said, spoke with my husband and he agrees, though he is not as angry as I am. Most importantly, he validated my feelings. We had a really constructive conversation. We're deciding on specifics, but many of your suggestions and comments are in the mix and have shaped our thinking. I'm so grateful for all of your input. Then two months later, OP comes in again and says, my husband spoke with him back home.

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_00] I'm surprised to realize they literally didn't understand why their behavior was problematic. He laid it out for them. And while they don't seem to agree, they now understand and now have a clear line and boundary they know they cannot cross. We've also made the decision to not share our plans with them unless they are directly relevant. Hilariously, my mother-in-law asked us to add her to our calendar so she could see when our soccer games are. We said no. Thank you for all your input this past summer.

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00] Kept me sane and focused on constructive issues and points. And so glad I made an issue of it. It definitely would have happened again. I think the majority of comments on this one were just so glad that the husband was on OP's side in the situation. I think it's just on the back of how many of these stories that we do read and it's quite the opposite. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00] Now our next story, it comes from PuzzleHeadedWish538 from the AmITheArseholeHere subreddit. And it says, AmITheArsehole if I tell the police slash my parents that my sister has been stalking someone for years and might kill her? AmITheArsehole? I genuinely feel stuck. The other AmITheArsehole doesn't allow violence, which is how I found this subreddit. So I23female have a sister, 25 female, and I'm really worried about her.

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_00] Her ex cheated on her five years ago with this woman and ever since she's been obsessed and stalking her. At first she said it was to see if she got karma for what she did. But now it's turned actually psychotic and maybe violent. And I don't know what to do or if I should tell my parents. My sister started dating this guy when she was in high school. He came to our house a million times and we all saw him as part of our family, especially when they stayed together after graduation. Five years ago, he cheated on my sister.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_00] She found out a few days after their fifth year anniversary when they were like 20. The girl he cheated with knew he had a girlfriend, but that didn't stop her from hooking up with him. My sister was of course devastated, but she gave him another chance. And a few weeks later, he ended up breaking up with her. And she found out that he never stopped talking to the other girl, even though she forgave him. When she was exposing the side chick in the beginning on her snap stories, I of course understood and supported her as her sister and found the girl disgusting.

[00:16:34] [SPEAKER_00] I thought my sister would get over it with time and was there for her in the beginning. After two years, I was shocked she hadn't moved on. She forgave her ex and even slept with him after the breakup, but she always hated the girl. The girl blocked it everywhere, but my sister still watched all her pages and knew everything she did. If the girl posted herself at a restaurant on her story, my sister would drive to it and eat there and purposely walk by the girl's table to make her ashamed of what she did.

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_00] She also knew where she lived in her work schedule and followed her all around all the time and would constantly tell me how much she hates her and how she's never wanted someone to be dead so bad. I found it very concerning and when I told my sister she needs therapy and that our parents should know how badly and long this has been affecting her, she shut down completely and told me she was just joking and hasn't told me anything since. That was three years ago. My sister has dated casually briefly since, so I assume she moved on.

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_00] It has been three years since she told me anything about her stalking and hating the girl and had completely forgotten about the situation until this past weekend. My sister had a work trip last week and asked if I could feed or can basically babysit a new puppy who needs a lot of attention. I said sure since I'm doing all my classes online this semester and stayed the week at her apartment. It's a few cities away so I've only gone to see her a few times since she's moved here. And duh, as a sister I made myself welcome in her apartment and slept on her bed.

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00] I always slept on the left side but on Saturday I was cold and wanted to sleep on the right side which is closer to the heater. And when I laid my head down I felt something uncomfortable and realized there was something inside one of her many pillows. Inside of it was a composite notebook labeled Anna. Not her actual name, but the girl her ex cheated on her with. When I saw that I was shocked. I hadn't thought of the name in years. The journal was so scary. Basically she never got over the situation

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00] and has been waiting on karma to get the girl back for being the other woman but it hasn't. I didn't keep up with the girl's life but she moved away years ago, got married and makes lifestyle content for what looks like fun since she doesn't have many followers on any of her pages. Her life seems perfect. My sister goes on and on about how much she hates this woman. But what scared me is that my sister flew out to this girl's city to stalk her in person and figure out what house she lives in. She tried to figure it out from what she posts of her house and area.

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00] During a time she told us she was visiting her friend who was sick. I was so shocked she would go that far. And it wasn't just one time. She's done it twice from what I've read. Also the notebook I found is dated. It only goes back to May of 2024. So I assume she has multiple other ones. None I could find. She stated it the only way she will ever get over it is if the woman suffers and since karma hasn't gotten her back, my sister will.

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00] I was so weirded out. I never thought I could feel bad for her, but if only I could describe better what my sister wrote. I truly feel like she may be in danger. The issue is I'm scared if I tell my parents who don't know anything and that my sister got over it way before I did. There's not much they can do just based on my word alone. My sister has a job, apartment, her own life. I didn't take the notebook. I obviously don't want her to know. I know. So I have no proof.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_00] I wish I took screenshots, but I was so in shock. All I could do was read. When I finished, I put it back and felt dirty. I don't know what to do. Would I be the asshole if I don't speak up? Should I try to go back to get more proof and then tell my parents so they can maybe stage an intervention? I'm so stressed. And there's an update in a moment that's going to come 10 months later. But I would have said absolutely someone needs to know.

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_00] And I think at this point in time that the information that you have, it's the police more than anyone, which I know is easy for me to say to do that to your sister. But at the same time, you know, she's flying to another state to track someone's home address while making diaries about watching them die. You know, that's seriously mentally unwell. That's over a five year period. The behavior isn't going to change just by holding an intervention with her. Like she did with you. She's just going to close down,

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_00] close up shop and hide it from everyone for a bit. I think at this moment in time, it's just something awful waiting to happen because your sister needs psychiatric help, not a family intervention at this moment. And I don't see it as a betrayal at all. You're potentially saving two lives here. The commenter says to OP, tell your parents your sister needs help. You're the asshole if you don't speak up. The commenter says she'll have to tell Dateline that she saw this coming all along.

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00] Wax says you need to speak up now. This is not normal heartbreak or lingering resentment. This is full-blown escalating stalking behavior with real potential for violence. You're absolutely not the asshole for reporting this, but you would be complicit if something happens and you stay silent. Why this is a real risk. Your sister's behavior has crossed multiple red lines. One, she's been obsessed with this woman for five years. Long past when most people would have moved on.

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_00] Two, she physically tracked her in real life, not just online. Stalking someone across state lines means this is no longer just emotional fixation. It's a growing, tangible threat. Three, she keeps a journal documenting violent fantasies and openly writes that she sees hurting this woman as the only way to move on. Four, she's already lied to cover her stalking trips. If she's willing to deceive her own family, she is fully capable of taking further steps. Five, she believes karma hasn't punished this woman enough,

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_00] so she might take justice into her own hands. This mindset is incredibly dangerous because it suggests she thinks violence is justified. What you need to do. One, tell your parents ASAP. Even if they don't believe you at first, insist that they listen. Your sister may be functional in other areas of life, but this specific behavior is not rational. Two, gather any proof you can. If you have access to a notebook again, take photos or notes. If you remember past conversations where she admitted to following or stalking this woman,

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_00] write them down. Three, consider going to the police. Even if you don't have physical proof, you can file a stalking tip or welfare concern. Law enforcement may not act immediately, but putting her on their radar could prevent something worse later. Four, reach out to a mental health professional if she'd be open to it. Your sister clearly needs help and she may not realize how deep she's fallen into this obsession. If she refuses, that's even more reason to escalate the situation. Five, warn the woman if possible.

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_00] If there's a safe way to do so, like anonymously, let her know she may be in danger. Gives her a chance to protect herself. This isn't about tattling. It's about preventing a crime. If your sister actually follows through on her threats, you'll regret staying silent forever. Stalking cases often escalate from watching, to following, to confronting, to physical harm or worse. She is already at stage two or three. If you wait until she makes a direct move, it might be too late. It's scary.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00] You have the power to intervene before this turns into something tragic. Do not second guess yourself. Speak up now. So as I said, OP updated 10 months later and said thank you to everyone who replied to this and gave me a lot of feedback on what to do. This was almost a year ago and a lot has happened. A lot of people recommended that I tell my parents, so I did. They were so shocked but said I must be overreacting and that maybe they misunderstood what I saw and my sister isn't crazy

[00:24:40] [SPEAKER_00] and that it was probably an old journal that I found. My mom even told me it was rude to snoop. I immediately regretted telling them and begged them not to tell her and they promised they wouldn't. A few weeks after that, I noticed my sister blocked me on Insta and my texts weren't going through. I found out that my mom slipped up the night before and told my sister over the phone what I told her and my sister told my mom that I'm crazy, that she doesn't even journal anymore and that I was just trying to paint her out to be a bad person.

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_00] My mom told us that we were being petty and to just drop it but my sister completely cut me off and didn't speak to me for months. I just moved on with life. A few months ago, my sister was arrested. She got extremely drunk and went to her ex-boyfriend's house and tried to break in. There is ring camera footage of her confessing her love for him, saying that she will never leave him alone and then he has to open the door and her trying to kick it down. This man is married with kids. This was crazy.

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_00] I never thought something like this would happen but my parents found out they immediately believed me, sat me down and asked me to tell them everything that I read again. My mom told me that she just didn't want to think that it could ever be true that my sister was still crazy and stuck on this and that's why she told me that she didn't believe me at first but now she does and they both apologized. My sister got out of jail on bond and when she did, my parents told her that if she wanted them to pay for a lawyer, they would have to see her journals. She refused so my parents kept their word

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00] and my sister got a public defender. This is when she reached out to me and asked me to beg my parents to pay for a lawyer since her trial is coming up. I told her that we were scared for her and that we love her but she needs help and that she won't let us help her. There's nothing we can do. She ended up getting two years of probation for what she did. She stopped speaking to my parents as well after they didn't pay for a lawyer. We found out two weeks ago that she'd been arrested for moving out of state while still on probation. She broke the probation rules. Where did she move?

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_00] To the same city as the woman she was stalking. I can't even DM the other woman because her page has been private now for a few months. When I told my parents this, they both started crying. She had a warrant out for her arrest and was recently just arrested last night. We had no idea what's going to happen now. I hope this is the wake up call for her and she gets the psychiatric help she needs. Siren of Madness says I'm glad there were finally consequences but damn she needs some serious psychiatric help.

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_00] Pinky says contact the prosecution and explain your sister's past behavior and your family's concerns. It's not necessarily true that she would get better mental health care in a psychiatric hospital. She would get care in prison and she needs to experience confinement slash her victims deserve to be safe. Allergy mum says Dude, share the info about what she's written about the other woman with a probation officer. Your sister has consequences for her ex but the other woman may be oblivious and in danger. Where is the affair partner married to the ex?

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_00] Your sister already cut you off. Come clean. Hopey says no. The other woman is married to another man. For all I know she has no current connection to my sister's ex still. How can I contact her PO? She doesn't speak to me and it's not like they're just telling a stranger her info right. It's just confusing. Gee bloody whiz what an absolutely terrifying situation and I can't help think about your parents and how they failed her by not believing you initially. I mean

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_00] they come around in the end but it all felt like too late in the end but there was people talking about contacting the probation officer immediately letting them what's going on. Warning Anna documenting everything and I really do hope that Anna stays safe in this that she does get a warning that she does stay safe as well as that I hope OP's sister eventually gets the mental health help that she needs in the end because come on now it's obvious that she's seriously on well but what do you guys make

[00:28:34] [SPEAKER_00] of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one take care and much love