My Boyfriend Say He KNOWS I Cheated Whilst Studying Abroad...What?!

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Today's first story comes from a throwaway account and says, My 23-year-old female boyfriend, 25-year-old male of 3 years, says he KNOWS I cheated on him while doing study abroad. But I didn't. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We're long distance. We're from the same hometown but he goes to school in another state. So we see each other over summer and most holidays.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_00] This past summer I did study abroad in Peru for 2 months. It was one of the most amazing experiences and I had so much fun. I didn't have a phone or regular internet so I communicated with email every couple of days. I told my boyfriend this would be the case before leaving and he said it was ok. When I got back he was excited to see me. And I was excited to see him. But I was very tired and honestly fell asleep within minutes of first seeing him. I had literally gone off the plane just an hour before.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00] When I woke up he seemed pissed. I asked what was up. They just started asking how my trip was. I told him it was fun, told him about my friends etc. Then all of a sudden he says, I KNOW YOU CHEATED ON ME. At this point I'm confused. I just said what? And he said, I KNOW YOU DID. IT'S OKAY. IT'S WHATEVER.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00] Well, I didn't cheat on him. There were only 4 other guys on the trip. 2 had girlfriends, 1 was incredibly gay and the only single straight one was hooking up with this other girl the whole time. I told him this and he just kept saying he knew I cheated on him. I asked people on the trip and nobody said anything to him. They were all just as confused as me. I asked my boyfriend why he thinks I did and he said, I JUST KNOW. The weird thing is that he's saying he's ok with it but still keeps bringing it up that I cheated on him.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00] It's pissing me off because I didn't. Had a lot of opportunities too and never even got close to taking them. I told him the only guy I did anything close with was my gay friend and all we did was dance at a club together. He started saying, well, I didn't know if it was one of your friends or a local. What the hell dude? I didn't know what to do. He keeps saying I cheated but I didn't. He also said he doesn't care but brings it up.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00] I can't figure out how to convince him otherwise aside from the fact that this is a totally ridiculous idea he has anyway. We had literally no time to even talk to local people there enough to hook up with them because we were busy every day and all day doing things. Is this breakup worthy? I love him but I have no idea why he'd be doing this. And thanks so much for all you commented. Definitely a lot to think about. I'm going to reply to some people and confront my boyfriend later tonight.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00] It may be because I've read one too many Reddit stories but projection always comes out to me when someone's accusing of cheating these days. But him just saying, you know, he's totally okay with it. He's just trying to get you to admit to it like, oh yeah, okay, if he's totally fine with it, I'll just let him know even though you didn't do it. And then he's going to turn around with a gotcha. Or of course, he's just totally insecure and bonkers. But Mrs. Patrick Sharp says, ask your boyfriend for the evidence he has to support his claim.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00] I honestly think he cheated on you and is projecting his cheating onto you in the hopes you'll confess so he can break up with you and not tell you he cheated and avoid being a giant asshole for cheating. I hope he says, honestly, I've been wondering this myself. Maybe he's saying he doesn't care and he's going to drop the bomb that he did and hope I don't care. The only thing is that like, I can't imagine how he'd cheat. He has no female friends and neither do any of his male friends. He's kind of weird and nerdy.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00] Genetic instability says, if he did, he's going to use this against you in some way. I forgive you and it's okay, but you cheated on me. So my cheating is okay slash justified. You should forgive me for cheating. Do this thing for me to make up for it. I'm such a great person for forgiving you and you are just a cheater. However, he's actively looking for reasons to convince himself or you that you were unfaithful. I just know is a full on asshole thing to say.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00] Does he do this in other ways? You're having an argument and he decides his way is better. His opinions are more right and he just knows. That would make this a deal breaker for me. I don't know about you. I hope he says, oh wow. He totally does do that in arguments honestly. He always believes he's right and the only way he'll stop arguing is if he gets tired of doing it basically. And if he is saying he knows I did but forgives me as a way to get out of cheating, then lol because that won't work at all.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going to confront him in about an hour. So it was a couple of days later and Opie says, okay, so I want to thank everyone for all the advice. I really appreciate that so many people care to give their ideas. A lot of people thought cheating but some suggested he was just insecure. Last night I asked him to come over. I should have mentioned in the original post that the original event actually happened in mid-August. When it first happened, after enough I said, listen, you're pissing me off.

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_00] Stop saying that I did something I didn't do. And he just said, okay, sorry. But then proceeded to occasionally bring it up since August until now. Also, we are long distance, kind of. He goes to school in another state but is from my hometown. He's been here the past few days due to family issues. So when he was over I asked him why he feels so strongly I cheated. And at first he tried to brush it off. I kept pressing him and finally he said,

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00] I just don't feel like you could go somewhere like that with a bunch of guys and nothing would happen. I told him, well, you go to Florida for most of the year for school with a bunch of girls. So are you saying that you don't think I could do it because you've done something? Well, he flew off the handle and freaked out. Started yelling that he was so pissed I'd even think to accuse him of cheating. That he never had and never will. And that I knew about any time a girl came onto him too strong because he'd tell me about it. Which is true.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00] I just sat there and watched him and then finally asked, Well, how is it ridiculous for me to ask you that but you think it's ridiculous that I even argue that I never cheated? He just said, he knows me. And he knows what I do. Finally, I just got pissed and said that if he can't trust me and think so lowly of me, we probably shouldn't be together. He started off then saying, See, I knew you cheated. I got fed up with the crazy and told him to go. He asked if I was breaking up with him.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00] I said no because I figured if I'd say yes, he wouldn't leave. But I felt pretty sure that's what I wanted to do. After he left, I called up his brother, who I'm sometimes close to and told him the story. He was surprised by how crazy he was but also told me that my boyfriend's last girlfriend, his first, had cheated on him. So he probably just thinks that of everyone now. He told me that my boyfriend has some massive anger issues and has been known to get physical with people slash objects when angry.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00] He also told me about a bunch of other crazy things my boyfriend has done, including running away from home as a 20-year-old when he didn't get his way, cussing out his mom and telling her to die when she took his brother's side over a petty argument, etc. Some other things were that my boyfriend has apparently stated, he never wants to move out of his parents' house and continue making YouTube videos for the rest of his life. Oh no.

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_00] That and how stupid my boyfriend acted to me over me doing literally nothing made me decide I wanted to end it. I called up my boyfriend and told him, It's over. I'm pretty sad about it. I do love him but I don't want to deal with crazy dick. Plus, it's pretty lame when we've been together three years and he still thinks he wants to live with his parents forever. I asked him a million times what he wants to do when he's out of college. He just says, I don't know. TLDR accused me more and more of the same thing.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00] He didn't cheat, probably, but it's crazy as hell so we broke up. Edit and thank you for the comments. Wow, I'm trying to reply to most but I am reading everything. People are asking how I never noticed these red flags earlier. I kind of did but wasn't sure. We were long distance which I think often left me confused. A lot of times I'd wonder if his actions were just because we were far. Hearing his brother say those things just confirmed that's not the case. Also, a lot of you were upset.

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00] I called his ex crazy and referenced her cocaine use as an example. I actually knew her personally. She was a pathological liar as well as being actually clinically insane and did a lot of cocaine. Am was like 15 or 16 at the time. Throwing the word crazy around was rude of me. And of course cocaine use doesn't mean crazy. I'm a bit jaded when it comes to her because she used to be my friend but has done some pretty messed up stuff.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00] So sorry if I came off as insensitive and for tossing those words around like that. Long Wang Big Ball says, What a name. Ran away when he was 20. Flew off the handle when you turn the tables. Wants to live with his parents forever. He sounds like a precious little flower that needs to sort himself out before committing to a relationship. You did the right thing. Opie says, I know. The running away from home at 20 thing was hilarious to me. His brother and I both laughed. I mean, if you're 20,

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_00] you don't need to run away from home. You're an adult. Spectra says, When you called him and told him it was over, how did he act? Opie said, Flipped out. Same shit. I cheated but also sobbing and begging me not to. But overall hostile towards me in his words and actions. Man, that guy running away at 20 years old. Whenever I hear like people running away from home or whatever, like especially this dude, I just pictured,

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00] have you ever seen like the parent swap thing that was on TV and there's the kid called King Curtis and the parent who swapped over won't let him have bacon and he goes crazy. And then he says, I'm going to grandma's house. He says something like, you're not going to catch me in those little high heels. Oh, that kid lives in my head. We haven't free. He was funny. Absolute peak internet. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00] Our next story comes from Tresrio from the relationships subreddit and says, me, 26 female with my husband, 28 male and his ex, 30 female. She just got hired at my office and it's causing problems. My husband and I have been married for two years together for eight years. Seven years ago, he cheated on me with a repulsive woman who knew about me, but still pursued him relentlessly because the challenge was fun.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00] I found out by chance when he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for her. I cut contact and tried to move on, but he was persistent and eventually we got back together. There was a drastic change in our relationship after that. He seemed to lose all interest in other women in general. He said that the time without me had been an eye opener and that he never wanted to feel like that again and wanted to better himself in every way possible. It took a long time for me to even remotely trust him again, but it happened with time.

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00] I thought I was over what had happened. My mom, everybody's best therapist right, kind of pounded it into me that I had two options. Break up and move on or get back together and work past it. What she was saying was that if I made the decision to be with him, we had to work past it. I couldn't be with him and use this as some sort of tool or weapon to whip out whenever I wanted over the years. And she was right. That wouldn't have worked. So we worked it out together.

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_00] He tried to excuse his actions, which I appreciated. And we both made changes. And then we kind of grew up. We started from square one and built up from there. We bought a couple of houses and got married and life was good. I didn't think about it much at all. And when I did, it was kind of in a look how far we've come sort of way. Like I said, I thought I was over it this whole time. Apparently, I'm not. When I walked into my office last week,

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00] the first thing I see in the waiting room is the other girl's nasty face. She'd been hired with my company and it was her first day. She has a very unique pig-like face that is impossible to forget. I didn't acknowledge her and went to my office, but I couldn't concentrate. I don't want to be anywhere near this awful person. We work in the same department, but on different teams. So we will have pretty close contact on a day-to-day basis, although not constant either.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00] She's been in training so far, so we haven't really talked at all. I've got a multiple accidental friend request from her on Facebook when she's creeping on my page. So I know she recognizes me. When my manager walked her around the office, introducing her to people, I just kind of did the smile and nod in her direction. She smiled and winked. Nice. I'm not sure what to do. I feel sick just being near her. I see her face and I can't stop picturing it against my husband's.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00] I've been mad at my husband on and off ever since she started at my office. I'm reliving the whole thing and I'm pissed that he did this to us and that I'm in this situation now because of him. He hugs or kisses me and I pull away and I feel crazy that the reason for this is something that happened seven years ago. I did talk to him about it, but I'm not sure what I expect from him. He's extremely sympathetic and apologizes profusely that I have to be near her.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_00] He keeps pointing out how much we have grown and how amazing our life has been and reminds me that he's a different person now. I walked into our room a couple of nights ago and he was sitting on the bed crying because of what he had done to us. I don't know what to do. I'm on a roller coaster in crazy town right now. I go from sick feeling to angry to sad to guilty for making him sad to angry again to crazy for being mad over something that I thought was so far behind me.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00] He has encouraged me to do what feels best, whether that be to continue working there or to quit. He's been supportive of either decision and pointed out that he could support us easily if I quit working altogether. I don't want to leave my job. I worked extremely hard to build my way up to my position. I earned it. I make good money and have amazing benefits. But I feel sick just thinking about being near her every day. Am I crazy here? What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_00] Am I seriously losing it to be upset about something that's seven years in the past? Input, please. Please. I'm really not sure where to go with this because, you know, like OP said, she's worked hard for this position. She wants to stay in this position. She makes good money. Why should she leave? But at the same time, if it's affecting her and this person isn't going to leave anytime soon, you're left with little choices, right?

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_00] But I've got to mention that the fact that this woman winked at her during introductions said a lot to me that she's almost enjoying this, like a power play kind of thing. Maybe I'm reading too much into that. But when I read that, I thought, ooh, that's a bit dodgy, right? But a commenter says she was the past, plain and simple. Don't give her any power to spoil your life. She is not that important.

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_00] A few years ago, my ex-wife got a job in my company, not as close in proximity to me as she was to you. It was horrible at first. We ended things with the worst horrible term possible and we have kids together. I didn't sleep a wink the night I found out that she was a part of the company. Then I went to work, looked straight past her and started my day. A friend asked me why I seemed so calm and I told him. The wife knew I was dead the day we divorced. That over there is nothing but a stranger. And that's how I moved on.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00] You and your husband have decided to start from ground zero seven years ago. There is no need to dig up the past. Consider that person dead and the woman you saw was nothing but a stranger. Good luck to both of you. Mother Commodore says, I can't imagine it will ever be anything other than awful working with her. The best and only option I can think of is to take the skills and experience you've picked up at your current job and take them to another. It sucks, but surely it beats any alternative.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, honestly, that probably does beat staying anywhere near her. Leaving just really bums me out. I love my office and I'm really lucky to have an amazing boss and flexible hours. And I feel like I worked so hard to get here just to throw it all away. Jay Brick says, this belongs in a fuck my life post. I feel for you, but the reality is she never owed you a thing. It's not her fault what your husband did. It's his and only his.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00] His anger belongs with him and she is just an outlet for it. At the end of the day, even though it is ridiculously hard, you need to realize that she's done nothing to you. That you need to forgive at this current moment. She was a stranger in your life and she owes you no apologies. Your husband cheated on you. It could have been with any other woman. It just so happened to be with her. Opie says, I definitely put the blame on both of them.

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_00] I just don't consider actively pursuing someone whose S.O. you have met and know all about to be innocent and blameless. Ben replies saying, I agree with both of you. I'd rather focus on how she's acting now. And she's definitely coming in like an ass the way she smiled and winked at you. I just steer clear and work through things with my husband. Opie replies saying, yeah, her actions are in my eyes indicative of the kind of person that she is. She's clearly very proud of herself.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says, I mean, if you've been there a long time, I'd probably start with HR. I'd also start looking for a new job anyway. And since I'm kind of petty like that, I'd probably tip off the entire office as to what kind of trash she is on my way out. Opie says, I'm not really sure what I would go to HR about though. That she has slighted me personally. That doesn't necessarily speak to her work ethic at all. So I don't really want to get any higher ups involved, you know. In my mind, she's an extremely disgusting waste of person. But maybe she's a great employee.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know if she's good at anything except for being literally more disgusting than dog shit on the bottom of a shoe. But maybe I'm a little bit biased. So Opie does come into the post with an update and says, First, I want to thank everyone for your advice and replies. I read everything and I tried to respond to as many as I could. One thing that I wanted to clear up is that my husband never slept with what's her face. I realized how that was implied when I said he cheated, but that didn't happen.

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00] They hooked up sans actual intercourse. And yes, I know that beyond any possible doubt. So no reason to speculate there. Anyway, on to the update. She got fired. Turns out Miss Crazy Pants used me as a reference to get the damn job. I decided to not say anything about her to my boss because I figured, hey, what the fuck ever. Like the commenter so skillfully pointed out. She's the past. She's nothing. She doesn't matter.

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_00] So I decided to leave it alone and let her fail on her own. That didn't take long. My boss was in my office talking about Crazy Pants performance when she said, I'll be completely honest, Opie. She's not exactly how you described her. I had no clue what boss was talking about. So I asked her to elaborate and she said, well, when I asked you about her before we hired her, you described a much different performance level than what I've seen so far.

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00] Does she usually take a while to adjust and get into the flow of things? At this time, I was completely lost. I know for a fact that I've never mentioned Crazy Pants to my boss and I've definitely never talked about her work ethic or performance to anyone at all. Unless it's been talking about her grade A performance of being a hooker. Actually, no. I wouldn't insult a hooker with such a disgusting comparison. Anyway, my boss looked at my blank stare and said, Are you forgetting this whole conversation?

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_00] A few weeks before we hired her, I asked for your reference. You said she was a team player and a great asset. Well, fuck me. I did refer someone when the position opened up. When my boss asked for my reference, it was super off the books, very laid back and informal. I think her exact words back then were, So tell me about the woman you referred. I got her resume and she looks great on paper, but how is she as a person? And I answered in reference to the actual woman that I referred.

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_00] Turns out Crazy Pants really is that crazy. She must have gotten my employment info for Facebook like so many of you pointed out. I hadn't even thought of that before. I've since changed my privacy settings and decided to apply to Fuck With Me or something. I have no clue what her endgame was. She probably wanted me to get the reference request from my boss with her name, actually just said to mess with me or just let me know that she was watching. I didn't know if she actually expected to be hired.

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_00] Doesn't matter now because she got super fired and probably needs a psych eval. I don't know. Don't care. She isn't worth worrying about. She's blocked from all of my social media accounts. And our building security already has a record of fired employees to keep an eye out for. If I hear from or see her again, then I'll look into legal protection from her crazy ass. But for now, I'm letting the whole thing go. Bye Felicia. A commenter says to OP, Damn OP.

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_00] Can you give us more details about what went down with your boss once you realized the misunderstanding? Was your boss super pissed? OP says she was very pissed. She went and got crazy's resume and brought it to me to verify that it was me on the reference section. And I told her the name of the person that I actually referred and she got that person's resume out too so I could verify which was the right person. I gave her the resume of the correct person. The one that didn't have any names in the reference section

[00:22:21] [SPEAKER_00] and told her that I actually had personal issues with crazy in the past and that I'm guessing that is why she knew where I worked. But neither of us could figure out why she put me as an actual reference. My boss could have easily said, I want to talk to you about your reference for crazy pants instead of just saying the woman you referred. It was the weirdest order of events to end up here. But once we looked at both resumes and cleared up who was who, she called crazy pants into her office and asked her to leave immediately.

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_00] She told her basically that it wasn't a good fit and that she would have given her longer to work out if it hadn't been for the blatant lying on her resume. Bringing sassy back reply saying, and how did crazy react to that? OP says, I have no clue honestly. She seemed to leave without much of a fuss. Neither my office nor me or my husband have gotten any contact from her at all. So she's either biding her time like a fucking lunatic or she's just moved on. Who knows? Riftwave says,

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_00] Ugh, your writing is unclear and ambiguous. Some of us have no idea what your informal reference has to do with this other girl having gotten the job. OP says, I have no clue how it's unclear. It was a position at my company that became available. I told a friend to apply. At the same time, crazy pants also applied and put my name as a reference on her resume. And in the initial email that she sent to my boss, when she sent her resume, my boss comes into my office and says, tell me a little about the woman you referred. And I answered the question,

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_00] assuming she means my friend who I told to apply. Since I only told one person about the position, it was safe to assume my boss was asking about that person when she asked me to tell her about the woman I referred. She was not asking about my friend. My friend did not put me as a reference or include my name at all when she applied. I don't know why. My boss was actually asking about crazy pants. So when I gave her my informal reference, we were talking about two different people. And neither of us knew there was a confusion

[00:24:17] [SPEAKER_00] because we both thought there was only one person we could have been talking about. Make sense? OP then talks about that person and says, yes, the person I actually did recommend has an interview next week. My husband is glad she's gone, but he wasn't really shocked to hear that she actually put me as a reference on her resume. He knew she was nuts and he actually wants to get a restraining order, but I'm going to hold off on that. Gold says, wow, what a psycho. That is laughably hilarious, but also scary.

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_00] Who does shit like this? What a petulant human being. OP says, right. Never crossed my mind before my last post that she has actually applied for my office just because I worked there. I just figured it was a coincidence. New levels of crazy, I guess. American Game says, so question, how did she get fired other than a bad reference? OP says, she just wasn't a good employee. She didn't even interview that well, but they thought that she was the person I'd recommended.

[00:25:16] [SPEAKER_00] So they sort of trusted what they thought was my judgment and went for it. Aside from being a bad employee, she lied to gain employment, which is actually a fireable offense at my work anyway. Just lurking around replies that saying, I don't understand how she lied to gain employment. She put your name down as a reference and you and your boss screwed up. It's not like she wrote a fake recommendation letter. Not that it matters. Sounds like she was a bad employee and a worse person. OP says,

[00:25:42] [SPEAKER_00] the email that she sent when she sent her resume referred to her references, me and others as previous coworkers. We have never worked together. Bloody hell's bells. Crazy pants is actually wild. And it makes the wink from the first pass to the post even more wilder now. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today,

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_00] getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. And thank you so much for all the anniversary. Congratulations. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.