My Boyfriend Doesn't Want To Be With Someone As Ambitious As Myself

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from FuzzyBat8678 and it says,

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_00] My 25 female boyfriend, 24 male, doesn't want to be with someone as ambitious as myself. I've wanted to be a veterinarian since I was a young girl. As I got older I gave up on those dreams but when I turned 23 I decided to give it a go. I went back to school and have since achieved an associate's degree with a 4.0 GPA and have plans to transfer to a university, then go to vet school.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_00] Long story short, my dreams don't seem so unattainable anymore. The problem lies with my relationship. With the way things are going, I won't be done with school until I'm 30 to 31. I've always wanted to get married and have kids before that age but since I decided to go back to school, I've reconsidered when would be a good age to have kids. My boyfriend wants to get married and start having kids this year. Although I would love to start a family. I'm so torn.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00] Me starting a family with him would require me moving states back to my hometown and taking time off from school. Not only that, my boyfriend told me he wants to be with a woman who wants to be a stay at home wife. This is a text that he sent me. I do not desire to be with a woman who is ambitious as yourself. It's great for you that you have goals but I want a big family and a traditional relationship. If I don't decide to change my plans, he and I are going to move on.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00] I also want a big family and have no problem with prioritizing my future family when the time comes. However, I just can't reconcile with the fact that he's asking me to give up the dreams I've had since I was a little girl. I love him so much and I can't imagine my life without him. And so I've been questioning if I'm making the right choice by staying on this path to being a vet.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] I know it sounds stupid since I'm only 25 but I've been feeling like if I do not do this now, I might not find someone to marry and start a family with. This conversation with my boyfriend is making me question if men just don't want to marry a woman who puts their career first for a while. Maybe I shouldn't think like that but it's hard not to. On the other hand, I feel like my boyfriend is asking me to give up on my dreams so that he can live out his own. So, I guess I just need advice.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00] What are your thoughts on changing my plans to pursue my dreams in order to make my boyfriend happy? Is it worth it? Would I be making a mistake if I let this relationship with someone that I love go? So, he literally texts her. He doesn't want someone as ambitious as yourself as if like having those goals is some kind of character flaw. And he was basically saying with a traditional relationship is basically I've decided your role and your dreams don't fit that.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00] So, he's not asking for any kind of compromise here making both your dreams work if you like. He's just saying you abandon yours for mine. And I wouldn't worry about finding someone else. You're 25. You're accomplished. You're driven. And you're about to become a veterinarian. And I think if you stayed in whatever this is, is that in the end, you will look back and wonder what if. And kick yourself for missing the opportunity of getting your dream.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00] And end up resenting the guy anyway because he made you choose. But Moxie says you've become incompatible. This is okay. It happens. Sad for all concerned. But it's much better to know. Personally, I would never ask or expect someone to do what he's asking or expecting of you. And I think it's appalling he's put it this way in the text. He's revealing a lot about himself in that text. But I'm not sure he meant to. Time to say goodbye and pursue your dreams.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00] Plenty of men out there who will look at your hard work and ambition and be dazzled by you. I want to take it all away from you and put you in your little woman place. Hopey says yeah. He said a few other things that were pretty hurtful. Like insinuating that my life focus should solely be on becoming a mother. Those kind of comments really made me second guess myself. I guess I just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't mean it the way it sounded. Sounds kind of ridiculous now that I'm typing it. Lol.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00] He's always known for a very long time that I planned to become a vet but just recently sprang this on me. I appreciate your comment. I think I know that I have to do the hard thing. It's just hard to accept at this moment. Sad Turnip says do not stay with this childish man. A vet would be clutched to run a homestead farm with big old family vibes. He's just being reductive and mean. He doesn't like you. Move on in glory and live your best life. Hopey says yes.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00] Stop. I would love that. I think you're right. Maybe he loves me but he certainly doesn't like me. Delta says he loves his image of you. But not the real you. Lucci's Beauty says don't give up your dream, your career and your future for a boyfriend that supports neither of them. There'd be plenty of men that won't ask their wives to move to their hometown and become a stay-at-home mom. Plenty of women have children and careers. Some even have husbands that take up the majority of child caring and housework.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00] Early 30s is young enough to start a family. Especially if you've already found a great father-to-be by that time. But even if you haven't, there is time. I'm not just saying that because choosing a boyfriend over a career is generally a bad idea. But also because you deserve so much better than someone who looks at your dreams, your ambition, your hard work and says nah. Stay home and make some babies and a sandwich. I want you to end up with someone who sees and appreciates you. Not just a woman-shaped someone that can fill a mother role in his life.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00] Hopey says thank you so much for this comment. I've really been second-guessing myself but it's true that the man I'm meant to be with wouldn't look at my passions as a flaw and try to change me. It's just a sad thing to accept. So, Hopey does come in with an update. And says thanks for the replies. I read every single one and the general consensus is that I should not give up my goal of being a vet. Part of me knows that but I was just second-guessing if I was making the right decision.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00] I really love him and have been with him since I was a teenager. If I'm being honest, I left out some information in order to try and keep the responses as non-biased as possible. I'll now be referring to boyfriend as my ex. Okay, some important info and answers to the comments that I saw. My ex has known for years about my dreams to become a vet and has only just recently sprang this on me that he doesn't want to be with me if I go through with it. It started with me talking about the cost of vet school.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00] He then gave me an ultimatum that if I go to the vet school, then he's going to break up with me. When I told him that I'm not giving up on that goal, he kind of went back on his ultimatum. But then a week later is when he brought it up again, hence my post. So yes, he did ask me to give up being a vet. He told me that I wasn't acting like a lady, that as a woman my purpose is to be a mom and a wife, and I have no idea how the world works.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00] Another comment asked why I would have to move back to my hometown. I moved out of my hometown and have been in a long-distance relationship ever since. Max used to tell me that his plan was to move to the new city I live in now, but he randomly decided against that. He was not willing to budge and told me many times that I would have to move back in order for us to be together. This was another point of contention for us. Many people were wondering if he had the resources to take care of a stay-at-home mom and a big family.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00] Short answer, maybe for a while? He hasn't had a stable job for months, but he has a good amount of money and assets. It'd be okay for the short term, but definitely would not provide the life that he or I expressed that we would want. I left all this information out because I wanted to hear people's advice at face value. But I recognize that all of this is pretty important information. I'm not sure if I'm missing any other important questions, so I'm open to answering more if needed. But I think at this point, the case is pretty cut and dry.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_00] He and I are broken up. I've come to the conclusion that even if I did everything he wanted me to, he would still find something to put me down for and end up leaving me anyways. Sucks, but I guess I'll just focus on becoming a vet and the whole family thing will hopefully come when it's meant to. Thank you guys again for your comments. I receive such great advice and I appreciate what everyone said so much. And all I can say on the back of this one is, I'm glad OP is continuing to chase her dreams in the end.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, there was just shit loads of red flags even in the update at the same time, wasn't there? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. And this next story comes from academic account 264 from the true off my chest subreddit and says, After my boyfriend died, I slept with his best friend and it's eating me alive. A couple of trigger warnings before we do get into this one.

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_00] There's talk of suicide, grief, loss of a loved one, obviously. So if you do want to skip this story, please feel free to do so. Timestants are always down in the description along the timeline below. Thank you. Earlier this year, my boyfriend ended his own life. Before he was found, he was missing for several days. My mind has been stuck in this endless loop of what ifs ever since. It's exhausting. It's like my brain won't let me accept that some things were outside of my control.

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00] We've been together for about four years. He was only 26 years old. About two months after he passed, I ran into one of his best friends. Someone who was part of his extremely close friend group. Before everything happened, I always liked him. Not in a romantic way. He's just a great guy. He was always there for my boyfriend during all of his mental health struggles, even though he struggled to understand it all himself. He knew sides of my boyfriend that I didn't.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00] He understood the parts of him he shared only with his closest friends. Seeing him again after everything, it hit me hard. It felt grounding, familiar, safe. Like being around someone who still held pieces of the person I lost. We ended up going to a bar to talk. We drank way too much. Opened up about things we never said out loud. Cried and eventually, we slept together. I know it came from grief and vulnerability, but the guilt is eating me alive.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00] What scares me more is that I feel this intense pull towards him now. Not just physically, but emotionally. It's like I'm desperate to be close to someone who was as close to my boyfriend as I was. Maybe even closer. I know that might be unhealthy. He and my boyfriend had two other best friends in their tight-knit group. I keep thinking, what if he told them? They were always protective of my boyfriend. They loved him like a brother. And the idea of them finding out what happened makes me sick.

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00] I feel like they'd hate me. Like they'd see me as disrespecting his memory or betraying him. I didn't even know if they'd understand how complicated and grief-driven that night was. What if they think something was going on before he died? Even though nothing ever happened before. A thought terrifies me. A friend I slept with hasn't mentioned anything since texting me once the next morning. He said he hoped I got home safe and that he was sorry for everything. But we haven't talked about what happened.

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_00] Now I feel like I made everything awkward to the point of no return. So Moon Pudding says, My best friend lost a boyfriend fairly young. He passed after an accident. She slept with his best friend because the grief brought them closer. Lots of guilt and doubt. They ended up dating for a while and split after about a year. I'll tell you what I told her at the time. You're not a bad person for seeking comfort in connection. Especially when that person is one of few who understand what you are feeling.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_00] Please be patient with yourself. A deleted user says, One, he slept with you too. I get that the she's a whore thing is much more intense against women. But slept with their best friend's girlfriend isn't a great thing for his resume either. So I doubt he'd have told anybody. That's not a hey dude I just scored last night conversation. Two, there's an extremely common grief response. You didn't really do anything wrong. If I kicked off and my wife was grieving.

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'd rather have fuck a close guy friend the next day than be eaten alive by mental and emotional pain. No weight says, No shade, But everyone gassing this up and saying that she did nothing wrong is just lying and trying not to hurt her feelings. As someone who's lost a parent. I get it, grief does make you do bad things. But just because you're grieving doesn't mean you're exempt from doing fucked things. Spirit says, No, literally, I promise you. I only at this point have to read the title.

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't read this girl's post but I knew what the comments would be. I knew there'd be support to her somehow but I know for a fact if a guy posted this he'd get demolished and grilled in the comments. Not just from my opinion but from me quite literally seeing it happen here on Reddit in the past from posts just like this but a guy saying it. This is just sad. Another commenter says, What's up with the replies lol? Sharing grief doesn't automatically mean crossing into intimacy. That's not comfort.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00] That's the lack of boundaries. You can support each other without turning it into something physical. Grief equals sex? I share grief with my partner's friend. Does that mean we slept together because we both understand the pain? Grief isn't a hall pass for blurred lines. Another user says, If I die and my best friend fucks my wife, we'll come back from the dead and castrate that fucker. And one more comment from Master Beef who says,

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00] I'd say that the only misstep you took was asking people on one of the most toxic websites on the internet their perspective. The truth is, you've both experienced an incredibly traumatic loss at what sounds like a very young age. You are processing a confusing mixture of some of the most potent emotions in the human experience. And your actions and circumstances are very common. People go through a sudden and unexpected loss.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_00] Finding comfort physically with people who are also close to their loved one is a well understood and documented phenomenon for the same reasons you already outlined in your post. The only thing that's important is that you give yourself the time and grace to process what's happened and seek out people who can help you heal from what is a life-changing event in a judgment-free setting. Trying to go through it alone will trap you with your feelings and twist the how you think and someone more objective who understands what's going on will be able to help you stay grounded.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00] Your boyfriend would not want his actions to destroy you. And if there is a life after this one, he will understand what happened between you and his friend. And it would do nothing to change how he feels about either of you. So, it was eight days after this that OP did update the post and says, I recently posted about my boyfriend's death and how guilty I felt after his best friend and I had sex a few months after he died. It wasn't something we planned and it came about after an unexpected night of reminiscing and alcohol.

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_00] My boyfriend ended his own life somehow that just made me feel even worse about what I did. Reading the comments on my last post pushed me to think more clearly than I have in months. People shared similar experiences and I've also received a lot of direct messages from people sharing similar stories. It made me realize that what happened wasn't all that unique or weird. I also came to feel that it wasn't some unforgivable, monstrous act. I still feel guilty about what happened but surprisingly not quite as guilty as I did before I posted.

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_00] It was actually the harsh, judgmental comments that really helped me change my perspective of the whole thing. Despite how bad I felt about it, I wasn't expecting for so many people to act like I committed a mortal sin. But none of those people could explain why what we did was so bad or evil. It made me defensive, which in this case ended up being a good thing. I kept saying, but why was it so bad? Why do I feel this way? No actual harm was done. No one was betrayed or hurt.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_00] Nothing happened while my boyfriend was alive. The guilt I felt was real but the logic behind it wasn't. That gave me the courage to reach out to his best friend. I realized sitting in this awkward silence was stupid and I don't want to lose contact with him or my boyfriend's other closest friends over this. I texted him and just said hi. He responded almost immediately. I should have done it a while ago. It's really all I needed to say to get the conversation going.

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_00] Eventually I told him that I'd been thinking a lot about what happened between us and I was sorry I left so quickly afterwards and had to remain silent. I just felt guilty and sad and didn't know what to do. He admitted he hadn't reached out to me because he blamed himself for what happened and figured I was staying quiet because I blamed him and didn't want to hear from him. We both sort of admitted we were still struggling with what happened to my boyfriend and were feeling depressed, especially with the holidays now. We agreed to meet up the next day but stay completely sober this time.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00] He said the night we spent together wasn't meaningless but it also wasn't something he fully understands yet. He said being with me felt comforting and familiar but the next morning he panicked. He said he cares about me, maybe more than he expected and that's exactly what scared him. He said he felt guilty for how close he felt to me despite understanding that my boyfriend is dead. He can't get over the feeling that he's committed some sort of ultimate betrayal. He said he didn't want to lead me on but he also didn't want to pretend nothing is there.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00] He said he feels this pulled towards me too but also feels guilty for it. Being around each other makes us feel closer to my boyfriend slash his best friend. He said he doesn't want to hurt me or himself or the memory of someone we both loved. I asked him if he told their other two close friends. Why am I sitting at home for a month fretting about whether they know or not? I could tell he really didn't want to answer but he confessed that he told both of them about it.

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00] He apologized and said he was overwhelmed with guilt, confusion, panic and that maybe he told them in part to punish himself. He said that the other two friends weren't angry at me but they were upset with him. They don't understand how it could have happened. I feel exposed and embarrassed. I don't care what he says, I'm sure they're judging me for it. Which might explain why I've not heard of either of them since. I don't know if his friends will ever see me the same. The top commenter says thanks for the update and may you continue to heal.

[00:18:50] [SPEAKER_00] Estrada replies in the comments in here are insane. Vomiting Dog Cake says tell me about it. Literally half the commenter like, wish my partner would fuck my best friend after I die. They deserve to be happy. Actual mental the way this planet is going. Just get me off this shit. Lizard's Left Nut says for real. They're insane on the last post too. And unsurprisingly she's only taken the advice of the comment of the morally weak. No Name To Use Here says it's okay. Please give yourself forgiveness and grace.

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00] What you did was an affirmation of life. And it's one of those dirty secrets that most people don't share openly. But yes, this kind of thing happens a lot. It's a deep desire to be with a lost loved one again via their loved ones. Or is trying to feel something, anything other than the pain and anguish of a huge loss. If you haven't done so, look into a grief counselor. They can help. BG says, you did nothing wrong per se. But if I were one of his best friends I could see where I would be mad as hell at you. And the friend.

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_00] No real reason other than a protective and moral judgment. Meaning, what the fuck? We just buried him and she's already fucking his buddy. Fuck her and fuck that buddy. They're dead to us now. We all deal with grief in different ways. Orange says, may this love never find me. Vomiting says, actually lost faith in humanity from this and the comments. People completely fine with cheering on someone fucking their dead partner's best friend. Only a couple of months after they kill themselves and making excuses and blaming the guy for killing himself.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_00] Making out that he did something bad to her by doing it. They fuck him I guess. Actually sick from this. I sincerely hope all of you who support this never find someone who loves you truly because you don't deserve it. And Soap says, if it's any consolation. My girlfriend slept with my best friend while I was still alive. Gotta be honest, I found the comments on this one pretty brutal and harsh and just kind of strange in my opinion. And of course that's my opinion and I'm sure people are going to find my take on things weird too.

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_00] But I think for me the truth behind this is that two people who love someone deeply, they found comfort in each other during a painful time. Grieving. As I said, they're drunk, grieving and seeking something that felt familiar. I don't see it as a betrayal. It was just people being absolutely messy and broken. Trying to survive what they're actually just going through in that moment. Was it a good idea to sleep together? Of course not.

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00] They were drunk, emotionally wrecked and just again, messy as hell. And it complicates all sorts of things. And as I said, I found some of the comments kind of brutal. You know, people screaming about betrayal but not actually able to articulate what was betrayed. I mean, again, this is going to sound harsh. But a dead person? A memory? They're treating it like infidelity when there's literally no relationship to cheat on anymore. And one more time. Was it wise? Absolutely not. Is it understandable?

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00] Yes. I get it. And I really do hope that OP looks into some kind of grief counseling therapy. Something that may help her in the future. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to one more story. Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from reasonableclerk7577. And I just saw the title and I was interested in this one.

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_00] It doesn't have an update as yet. But it says, Am I the Arsehole for not returning a carpet cleaner that was gifted to me years ago? Two or three years ago must have been 2023 sometime. My then best friend, we're caller Courtney, 35 female, gave me, 35 female, her carpet cleaner. I did not ask for it. She said her grandma was keeping it at her house because she didn't need it anymore. And that she, Courtney, didn't have any carpet in her house.

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_00] So she didn't need it either. She did mention her grandma may one day ask for it back. I accepted. Fast forward to Christmas 2024. I mentioned using the carpet cleaner at my in-laws because their carpets smelled like dog pee. Courtney threw a fit because I ruined the cleaner using it on dog pee. She has cats and so does her grandma. And cats are sensitive to smells. I said, well, if that's ruining it, I did that long ago because I used it on my carpet after we got our puppy a year before.

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00] She knew when she gave it to me, I had a dog. Knew I had since gotten a puppy. So I'm not sure what she was expecting. Was I not supposed to use it? At any rate, she said it was officially mine now because I ruined it. We moved on. Fast forward to June 2025. We had a falling out. I tried many times to fix it. She blocked me every way I reached out. So I gave up. I've accepted our 20 plus year friendship is over. Now here we are.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00] January of 2026. Courtney's grandma passed away last summer. She left Courtney some money. I was reached out to last night by a mutual friend that Courtney bought a house and needs her carpet cleaner back. I'm dumbfounded. She gave it to me three years ago. She told me over a year ago I ruined it and she didn't want it back. She burned down our friendship seven months ago and cut me out of her life. Now she's reaching out.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00] Through someone else not even directly to get it back and calling it hers. Is she insane? I told the mutual friend no. She gave it away. It's not hers anymore. For context, Courtney is to this day spoiled, rotten and extremely entitled. This is a normal character trait of hers. Here's where I'm conflicted. It did belong to her grandma who is no longer here. On one hand, I'm like, it's a carpet cleaner. I'm sure she has plenty of things from her grandma with sentimental value.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_00] What sentimental value does a carpet cleaner hold? On the other hand, I feel bad because of however I see it. She might still have feelings about it being her grandma's. So would I be the asshole for not returning this carpet cleaner that was willingly given to me years ago? The simple answer to this one is no. She gave it to you. It is quite as simple as that, right? There was one comment below that absolutely tickled me and I don't know why. But late Caterpillar321 just bluntly saying, Of course you're not the asshole.

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_00] It's a carpet cleaner, not an heirloom. I'm not sure why I find that so funny. But blunt and feisty says, not the asshole. She gave it away the second time to you. With no strings or terms with wanting it back. She said she didn't want it back and it was officially yours. At that point, it was your property, free and clear. This sounds like a case of Courtney is angry and hurt and being retaliatory and petty. She wants it back as a power move more than she wants it back in general.

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_00] It is possible that her new home has carpeting and she wants to use a carpet shampooer. But if she's absolutely adamant that you ruin hers with pet pee, she wouldn't want to take a chance on ruining her carpet with pet pee transfer unless her new home has been damaged from animal pee already. Regardless, it's not her property anymore. It's yours, free and clear. You're just receiving the end of her wrath and entitlement this time. Tell the mutual friend that you're not going to give it back as she gifted it to you years ago and it's not her property on loan.

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_00] Also tell the friend if Courtney wishes to discuss the matter further, she will have to reach out directly to you as you're not going to drag others into it and you're not going to communicate with her indirectly where you cannot ensure your comment to her is being repeated factually and accurately. And stop communicating about it with everyone who reaches out for her. Also, it wasn't a sentimental value item when she gave it to you. So it's not a sentimentality issue now that her grandmother passed. And I think that comment pretty much said it all.

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_00] A lot of commenters saying that she's just being petty and wants to sort of like get the last word in kind of thing. I'm just thinking, I wonder how often she's thinking of this carpet cleaner just at home, just absolutely rattled by it. But what do you guys make of this situation? Holy moly, carpet cleaner madness. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. That's just a huge thank you for being here today,

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_00] getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.