My Boyfriend DEMANDED I Tell Him My Soul Name At A Dinner Party

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from murkyad8476 and it says, am I the arsehole for not telling my long term boyfriend what my soul name is?

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] Okay folks, this is a weird one but hear me out. I am 28 female and live with my long term boyfriend 29 male. My parents are pagans and I grew up with all kinds of weird mumbo jumbo holidays and traditions. I put that in quotes as many of this stuff is cultural appropriation in my honest opinion. My parents are white, hippie people but I love them. I'm an atheist now but I'm still on good terms with my parents who love me and respect my own

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00] Disbeliefs. Anyhow, one of these traditions in my family is that when you have your 16th birthday, you get a soul name. If you're a boy, your father names you. If you're a girl, your mum names you. It's a whole thing with a fire ceremony and whatnot. The soul name however is supposed to be a secret with very few exceptions. No one knows it except the parent who gave it to you and yourself. It has to do with some sort of names magic. An exception would be if you get married.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00] Hand fasting, you could tell your parent, your soul name as some sort of commitment token. Now, I really don't believe in any of this stuff anymore and I joke with my boyfriend about the weirdness of my pagan childhood memories. Some of it was also cute and the naming ritual is one of these examples. I really feel like my mother gave me a very special thing for my 16th birthday with this. I cherish it. Especially because my mother said,

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00] You know when you name a baby, you don't really name the person this baby will grow up to be. I want you to have this new name as your soul name because it is more you. Aww. Now, this recently came up. I told the story to a few friends we had over for dinner with me and my boyfriend and my boyfriend suddenly insisted he wants to know what the name is. I told him I want to keep it a secret but my boyfriend said,

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00] I'm your long-term partner so you should tell me. Besides that, you don't believe in this stuff anyways. My friends gave us an embarrassed look and the mood was kind of ruined for the evening. My boyfriend has been salty for the last few days. I don't really know why I don't want to tell him. I'm somewhat embarrassed by the name itself. It's not cringe or racist, it's just a bit weird. So that is part of it. And while he is right that I don't believe in the name magic,

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00] it still feels like I'm handing him a chunk of myself and I'm doing something that cannot be undone. Am I the arsehole for not wanting to tell him? Blom Forever says to the OP, you're dating a fae playing the long game. Run. All joking aside, not the arsehole. When I was a camp counsellor, the people that ran the stables for the equestrian programs had specific rituals of when you showed competence, you were then taught certain knowledge about horses.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00] Kids were circled up to the side and the counsellors supervising the kids were sent aside as this knowledge was imparted. The basic idea was that you can't know this about the horses unless you have proven you can care for them. At this point, whatever was being shared could probably be found on the internet. But it was a harmless ritual that got the kids to take it seriously and gave them a sense of accomplishment. That is what you share with your mother. It doesn't matter if you believe in the rest of it. I've had friends and family that are lapsed Catholics.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00] Their confirmation names still mean something to them because they were picked for reasons even if they no longer believe in the commitment to God part. OP says, you are dating a fae playing the long game. Run and says, lol, that cracked me up. Thank you. Yeah, you're right about the other stuff. The naming ceremony is some sort of coming of age ritual thing. Les Miserables Muffins says, not the ER song. Is marriage on the table for you guys? Maybe tell him he can find out if you guys make a long term commitment to each other since that was allowed.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_00] But you don't need to tell him ever if you don't want. Some people think that partners should tell each other everything, which I don't agree with. But if your boyfriend is one of those people, you guys will have to work it out together. For now, he needs to be respectful of your no and not make you and others uncomfortable by punishing you. OP replied saying, yeah, marriage is on the table. But we didn't do it yet as in my country, you pay more taxes if you are married. We didn't see a point in getting married so far, but we discussed it.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00] It would make many things easier if we decided to have a child. But with that, we want to wait until we are a bit more financially stable and ready. I don't know. I believe I would have told him the name if it was just the two of us. He knows this story. When I first told him, he didn't ask about the name. When the friends were over for dinner, it was him who brought it up as we all kind of discussed weird religious stuff that we did when we were children. So I told the story to friends because he asked me to.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00] Just to then first jokingly, but then seriously insist I tell him. I felt a bit off about the whole situation and I can't really say why saying the name in front of my friends felt like exposing something. That's supposed to be intimate. Maybe I really need to get more of this spiritual shiz out of my system. And Banana says, I think what's throwing you off about this is that he's making fun of and devaluing something that has a lot of meaning in your family. Maybe you don't share the same beliefs as your parents anymore, but you still respect them and their beliefs.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00] And you have fond memories around those rituals. In that way, those past rituals continue to hold meaning and importance to you. Sharing something that is still sacred in your mind with someone who only wants to join in on a ridicule against your family culture, no less. Would feel very wrong indeed. Even if you were to share the name, you know that he would not receive the information with the same level of reverence that you did. Telling him would be akin to you joining a kind of sacrilege for lack of a better term.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00] Put simply, much like any conversation about our families, it's one thing for us to criticize our parents, but it's quite another when an outsider does it. Don't tell him your soul name, OP. He doesn't deserve to know it. And for your information, a ritual is a ritual of it. Has meaning for the people involved. No widespread cultural approval or involvement necessary. Feel free to stop using the air quotes. OP adds an edit saying, thank you all so much for your replies, messages and awards. I did not expect this response.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00] I posted an update to my profile. And I felt very much like that last comment in there. That it felt like he was just doing it to make fun of the name. And, you know, again, like the commenter said, regardless of what OP believes in, what the parents believe in, they all respect each other. And she can still love something that holds meaning to her. She cannot believe in the whole name magic thing. I was still really treasuring that moment between her mom and her.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00] She clearly sees it as a moment of love between her and her mom. And that's a wonderful thing. So for him to come in and act this way and, you know, he was clearly coming into this with the intention of mocking it. And the fact that, you know, he's been sulking for days after this is concerning in itself. But OP did come in with an update and said, hello again, everyone. I did not expect the sheer amount of responses and messages of you all. And I cannot answer every one of you individually. So I decided to update you in this way.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00] I showed the post and your responses to my boyfriend. And we had a long talk about it. With his permission, I can share the following details. My boyfriend, in all honesty, was slash is jealous. His own family was very cold and emotionally neglectful. Which is why he went no contact with him in his early 20s. They were slash are religious too. Some flavor of evangelicals. I will not name the exact congregation. And his struggle to get out of religion was very different from mine.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00] He has a hard time grasping the fact that my parents really are cool with me no longer taking part in their religion. And he has a hard time understanding that I do not condemn everything they ever did that was connected to their belief system. Even if it was weird or objectively bullshit, lol. He has met my parents on many occasions. But in the end, he doesn't trust them like I do. Which I understand given his whole upbringing. Humor, morbid curiosity, and cynicism are his ways to deal with his own religious past.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00] But he does understand even more now than before that my situation is different. In contrast to him, I do have fond memories of religious and spiritual events of my childhood. Which is the root of his jealousy. And he said he wished his parents would have given his very own name more thought. Which made me laugh. After reading all your responses and listening to my concerns, he apologized for being pushy and an arsehole about the soul name. And he promised to not ask me about it again. I have not told him either.

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00] For those who told us to get married so I can tell him. We'll most likely get married once we really see a point in doing so. As I said, in my country you pay more taxes when you're married. So right now there is no benefit for us to get married. We have plans to have children at some point and then getting married makes a lot of things easier. We stand firm and say that we don't need a piece of paper to know that we intend to spend our future together. While it doesn't give us any benefits. Whether or not I tell him the name once we get married, I will decide when it happens.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00] To those who told me to dump him immediately, no I will not dump him over such a silly fight. To those who messaged me to find Jesus because my soul name is demonic, no thanks. To all of you who came up with hilarious fake soul name suggestions, I love Spider Jenny, the devourer soul's the best. And I will ask my friend who is a D&D dungeon master to name an NPC after her. Thank you so much. This was funny to read. You all made my day. Stay strong and I wish you all the best.

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00] And it seems like all's well that ends well at the end of this one. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Don't Know What To Do. And it says, My 18 female deadbeat sister, 29 female, ruined Halloween for my nephew. 10 male. I'm not really sure where to start.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00] So I'll just start with the background. My older sister has been pretty badly addicted to drugs for years. My parents care too much about her to cut her off. So they enable her and allow her, her boyfriend and her two kids to live with us. I grew up helping my parents raise her kids because she refuses to. Since last Halloween, my nephew, John, has wanted very badly to be Link from Zelda for Halloween. John has been asking that a costume be bought since at least June.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00] My older sister was supposed to provide a costume, but instead she and her boyfriend spent all of their last paycheck on meth. My parents aren't in a good financial position to buy him a costume. So John asked me to make a costume for him. I've made his costume for the past few Halloweens. I bought all the materials needed last night and began making his costume for a Halloween party at a school today.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_00] My older sister, now methed up, decided now she has enough energy to be super mom and wanted to make the costume instead. I knew she was going to ruin it, so I told her no and to go away. I spent many hours making the costume and finally went to bed with a good looking costume. When I woke up, the costume was not the same. What was once looked like a Link costume was now unrecognizable and falling apart.

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00] She repainted, sloppily, all of the green and brown on the costume and she decided to cut up the costume with scissors in places. No idea what the fuck she was thinking. I had no time to fix this, so John had to go to his Halloween party with a broken costume. He had to come home from school today early because his costume was so ruined that he was being made fun of constantly. Now says he doesn't want to go trick or treating because the costume is so bad and he's very upset over it.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00] I know he blames me because he doesn't know that his mom wanted to make his costume too. I feel like there's nothing I can do. I'm super upset that his Halloween is essentially ruined because of my sister and I really want to make this okay for him. But I'm not sure how. Advice? Commodore says straight away to OP, You really want to help your nephew? Call CPS on his meth head parents and petition the state for custody of him. Another one says,

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_00] Can't you just call the cops on your sister when you know she has meth on her? I mean, it is a harsh lesson, but I'd do it if I found my sister was doing meth. OP says, I can't really because all that would happen is these kids would be taken away and I wouldn't be able to get them back. Commodore says, I don't know everything about your situation, but can the police not get involved? I know it may hurt to get your sister arrested, but if she's as bad as you make it sound, then maybe you should. For both her health, your parents' health and your nephew's health.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00] OP replies saying, The kids would be taken by the state and I can't let that happen. The Galaxy says, Preference is given to stable family members in appropriate environments before placing them with strangers. They're not going to just disappear. The state works pretty hard to keep children with relatives. Art says, Can you go to Walmart and buy a costume of Link? OP says, They're all sold out. Plus, they cost like $40 and I don't have the money. Digital says,

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00] You couldn't have hid the costume when she exposed interest in making it? Hope someone helps you remake it for him. Poor kid. OP says, She came into my room and took it. OP also comments on her sister's and brother-in-law's parenting and says, It's not like they are being raised by meth heads. They barely even talk to the kids. They live in their room. They only come out to eat and smoke. My parents and I have raised them. Commenter says, And yet the mother was somehow able to ruin Halloween. This kid isn't three.

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_00] He's going to remember this humiliating moment for the rest of his life. His environment is like a Lifetime Channel cliche of how kids become angry and lash out at the world. John is happy, has lots of friends and a loving extended family. My parents love him and raise him like he's their own. That's not going to last long. Taking John out of this house and putting him in foster care system would do more harm than good. Quoting,

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00] Taking John out of this house and putting him in a foster care system would do more harm than good and says, Well then put your shitty sister in rehab or jail. I know she might be family but she's going to fuck his life up one way or another. Kid needs a stable environment. He doesn't need a parent involved every few months. He needs her either coherent or gone. Opie says, I'm completely aware of this. I don't have any control. This isn't my fight. I'm just trying to make sure that these kids I love so much are well and happy.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00] So Opie did update and says, Well, thanks to a wonderful Redditor, Ellen Afish, I had a brand new Link costume overnighted to us and it got here on time. John had a wonderful Halloween. With the Amazon box, I made him a shield. All of the neighborhood kids were so impressed. One house thought his costume was so cool they gave him a king-sized Twix. He was so happy about. He filled up his bag and had a great night and he's still running around in his costume. Pics included.

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_00] Then it says, I just forgot about the no pics rule. A happy sender link to anybody who requests to see the costume though. Thank you to the many, many Redditors who reached out and offered help. There were so many, it'd be impossible to list them all. Again, thank you to everyone. I never thought that Reddit user base could be so kind. TLBR, a user offered and sent a new costume. Halloween was kick ass. Sunflower says, This is literally one of the best updates I've seen on this sub.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_00] What a kind-hearted and lovely person who overnighted that costume. Such an amazing, generous and caring gesture. This gave me all the best feels today. Thanks Reddit. Eleanor Fish, who supplied the costume, says, I agree with what others have said. The costume is a band-aid and it's pretty trivial. But didn't we invent band-aids for a reason? I know I could use a band-aid from a perfect stranger once in a while too. LaserCat says, You're a good, kind person, Ellen. I only wish that there were more people like you in the world.

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00] Just knowing that you're able to save the day and overnight a link costume to OP's nephew made me smile. Sadly, it's the children who suffer the most when their parents are addicts and their system is flawed when it comes to getting those who need it, treatment and support. Instead of encouragement to get better and stay healthy, society shuns and ridicules those who have turned to drugs. We throw them in jail and then make it harder for them to find jobs. Even medical treatment programs and support to stay clean. If these things were more readily available,

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_00] perhaps OP's sister could find some help getting clean and staying that way. I seriously hope for a nephew's sake that her sister is able to do so. I hope that one day she will wake up and realize that her son is more important than any drug could ever be. In the meantime, it sounds like OP is an awesome aunt and is doing everything she can to make sure he has an awesome childhood. Keep up the good work, OP. You're amazing too. Ellen replies once again saying thank you. It's a shame about OP's sister, but it's never too late.

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_00] Hopefully she will receive the wake-up call she needs and get help soon. At the same time, for now, there's not much any one individual, including family members, can do to change her habits. But the community and family can come together to help OP's nephew enjoy his childhood. And Ellen added one more comment on the back of this saying thank you. I appreciate everyone's kind words. OP's story broke my heart, and I'm just really glad I was in the right place and right time to help solve part of this complex and painful problem. Edits.

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00] Also, OP is a rock star. I'm not sure I've ever felt as happy as I just did upon seeing the photo of the costume complete with the shield she made out of the costumes box. I wish someone as creative and thoughtful as OP could be a part of every kid's life. And it is absolutely such a wonderful, wholesome thing that Ellen did in that situation to provide that costume for him when, you know, he was going for a hard time. He's already got a hard time with his parents as well

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00] and made that day absolutely special for him. Oh, why don't you get thinking about it? Bloody stories with kids, man. They always get to me. But at the same time, Ellen themselves acknowledging, you know, it's just a band-aid for the actual problem in this situation. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Petal from the Am I the Arsehole here,

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00] subreddit and says, Am I the Arsehole for refusing to go to my boyfriend's house for Christmas dinner? I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. His family doesn't treat me very well. They make little comments about me and sometimes compare me to his ex. It's not loud or obvious, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. I've told my boyfriend how I feel, but he says they're just joking and that I should ignore it. He wants me to come to his house for Christmas dinner. I told him I don't want to go

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_00] because nothing changed and I don't want to spend Christmas feeling awkward or disrespected. He's upset and says I'm being dramatic and making things difficult for him. Now he's barely talking to me. I feel bad, but I also feel like I'm protecting myself. Am I the Arsehole for refusing to go? Absolutely not the Arsehole. Never go somewhere where you're going to be made to feel unwelcome or anything like that. Just absolute not. And it's clear that this is a boyfriend problem.

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_00] You know, he says they're just joking and that you should ignore it, want you to come and that. And when you said, yeah, the reason that you don't want to go because you don't want to spend Christmas feeling awkward or disrespected, he's calling you dramatic and making things difficult for him than what you're going through. And then he punishes you by barely talking to you. Come on now. A commenter says to OP, not the Arsehole, but you do realize your boyfriend is the biggest problem in this story, right? He's the one you're in the relationship with and he's disregarding your feelings entirely.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00] Think hard about whether you would marry into this family if nothing changed. OP replies saying like, how do I even start explaining to an adult every day about how his family treats me and all of a sudden he sees me as the problem? The commenter says, not the Arsehole, go where you feel the most comfortable. If he doesn't understand that, then that's too bad for him. OP says, I love him so much. Like, how hard is it to speak to your family? Even if they do not like me, it feels like making such degrading comments in my presence are all to rile me up.

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_00] The commenter says, not the Arsehole, let him know you are not to be played with. If they don't respect you, why should you have to show up to support their little dinner? OP says, I definitely never attending any of the dinners because I hate ignoring red flags. So, OP did come in with their update as well and said, after my original post, my boyfriend and I talked again. Instead of trying to understand my side, he told me that his family was upset and that I needed to apologize to them if we're going to stay together. He said, if I didn't apologize,

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_00] we should break up. I told him I wasn't going to apologize for not going somewhere I felt uncomfortable. He said, I was being unreasonable. So, I ended the relationship right then over the phone. Since then, he's been texting and calling me, asking to meet up and talk things through. I've said no. To me, the ultimatum said everything I needed to know. It sucks, but I feel relieved. I didn't think I was wrong for choosing myself. Absolutely not wrong at all.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_00] And it's all just backfired on him, the absolute berk. Totally dismissing you, trying to get you to apologize, trying to make you the bad guy in this situation. Yes, screw that guy. Commenter says, the ultimatum, his dismissal of your feelings, and the parents' treatment of you and your boyfriend allowing it are more than enough for you to say bye. Opie says, I feel a lot of relief, but also, I see how much disrespect I've had to swallow just reading people's comments. Commenter says, the ultimatum showed his true priorities. You chose yourself,

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_00] and that is the healthiest call here. Opie says, just sad, I never thought of all this until now. I'm such a loser. Commenter says, he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Ultimatums never work in a relationship. He should have stood up to his family for making you uncomfortable. Good for you for standing up for yourself. And one more commenter who says, not the arsehole. Once someone makes a threat like that, it cannot be reversed. The toothpaste cannot be put back in the tube kind of thing.

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00] If he didn't really mean it and was only trying to intimidate you by threatening to break up, too bad for him. His loss. Ghost him and move on. You can do better. And many of the comments were saying exactly the same in this situation. Bloody hell. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_00] It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.