I'm Going To Remove My Son From My Will If He Doesn't Move Closer To Home

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. But let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from LovingMum12 from the AmITheArsehole subreddit. And this is AmITheArsehole for wanting son to move back closer to home.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00] Hi, this is my first post on Reddit and English is not my language so I apologize for the mistakes I will probably make. I'm 56 female and I live with my husband, 64 male. We only have one son, 33 male, who currently lives abroad and we see once a year as it's very far away and expensive to go. We live in a small town. He moved away when he was 18 for college and never came back. We expected him to move back after he graduated.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00] But he decided to stay where he was. Since he already had a job and a girlfriend there, they got married. Our town is close to our state's capital where his work field is very strong. Ever since his senior year in college, I've been trying to convince him to move closer for a better career and to stay close to his family. He never showed interest, which I find it odd, especially since his wife also works on the same field.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00] Four years ago, they moved abroad. I felt betrayed when he told me. He was always living three hours away from us. Why would he choose to go even further to another country and not the city right next to us? I never told anything besides let them know me and his father are always here if they needed us. Until recently, things were fine. I miss him a lot. We text every day, but we don't get to speak to each other as often.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00] The problem is my father, 84 male, whose health took a dive in is very fragile. And with my son living so far, he is missing a precious time he could be spending right here. His granddad is not likely to live many years now. I told the news to my son and he was sad about it and he came to see us and left a week ago. I was honest with him. I said his grandfather will not stay with us for so long. And since he lives so far away, he will lose the opportunity to stay close and enjoy the time he has left.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00] He was not happy about me touching on this matter. He said I was trying to guilt him into moving back. I asked him why he was doing this to me. Why doesn't he miss me and his dad? We are getting old and he is only seeing us once or twice a year. It's cruel to us. He said he missed us, but he is happy where he is and does not plan on moving back. And he and his wife are already making plans on buying a house where they live. I couldn't take it and I burst out crying. I told him I felt abandoned.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00] That he didn't seem to care for us and he should enjoy his family while he can because we will not be here forever. I asked what makes him think he cannot be happy living here. He didn't respond. A few days after this were very awkward and after he left, he seemed to be even more distant. Avoiding me and being very short on his texts. Yesterday his wife called and said my son was feeling bad and told her what happened. She called me an arsehole and said I had no right to try and manipulate him like that and I should be ashamed.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00] I don't think I'm the arsehole for wanting my son closer to me. They are the arseholes for abandoning family behind and I'm including her as well. Since she did the same. I talk to her mother often and she is on my side. There is just a ton of manipulation in this situation and that's the reason you're going to be the arsehole and here's why. Because rather than being happy that your son has built a successful, happy life elsewhere which I imagine anyone wants for their child.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00] You keep manipulating him to try and get him to stay closer to you. I mean you use your father's declining health as leverage to guilt your son into moving which is just wild in itself. I mean take a step back and say that to yourself. That's absolutely crazy. And also saying things like he's abandoning family and you know we won't be here forever while crying. You know you're just weaponizing guilt.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00] And the fact is your son does care. He texts you daily. He visits when he can. Despite how much it cost him and how far away it is. He came home when you told him about his grandfather. That's not abandonment. And all you're going to do by keep doing what you're doing is push him further and further away. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad about a family member being further away. Of course anyone would feel that way.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00] But what you're doing here is just not right. A commenter says to OP you're the arsehole. Not for feeling sad that your son lives far away. But for constantly trying to guilt him into moving back. And he has made it clear that it's not going to happen. Adults get to choose for themselves where they want to live and what career they want. Your son is not required to move close to you. Another commenter says you're the arsehole. Something tells me that you weren't the best parents to your son growing up. OP replied saying why.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00] We gave him the best education we could. Always aiming for his success. We paid for his English and French classes. He's fluent in both and it's pretty much thanks to this that he was able to move abroad. We gave him the best we could. Is it unfair to expect him to stay close? Commoner says you were manipulating him. Sorry there's no way to sugar coat this. Have you ever had an honest chat with him about why he moved away? Maybe the job is better there.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe he feels that his future children will have a better educational life in that country. Maybe the working environment in his previous job in your country was terrible and stressful. Maybe it was related to the home environment. You have not said about what the dynamics were when he lived in your country. The capital where he worked was close but he lived three hours away. I'm guessing there is more here that you're not telling us. OP says I did ask him why he moved away.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00] He said he wanted to live somewhere he would feel safe raising kids and also safe for his wife. He said where they live now he is able to walk around without constant fear of getting mugged. But I find this exaggerated. I get that I might be a bit needy as a mother but I only have him and he chose to leave. I don't disagree that where they live now might be a better place for future children but honestly it comes with the fact that his family is now in another hemisphere.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00] And if he lived in our town which is peaceful and a very good place for kids he would be able to walk into the capital while living right next to us. We could see each other every other weekend. How could living 10,000 kilometers west and then cross that out possibly outweigh everything I said? Edit. I just realized my keyboard inserted west out of nowhere. My son did not move west. A commenter says you're missing something. Why should he make his life choices about you?

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00] The principle of parenting is not to keep the grown kids in a cage so the parents can have company. No matter how good you think your intentions are. They're above all about yourself and how you feel. You must have known that leaving the nest and never slash seldom coming back was a possible outcome of raising a child. There are other ways to alleviate your loneliness. I hope he says I guess that's just how I was raised. I always made my decisions while keeping the idea I would stay close to my family. I can't understand why someone would choose not to.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00] It's not that he would be sacrificing his career if he lived near us. He would basically have everything he has now plus his family nearby. I just don't get how easy it was for him to just never look back. If I stay more than two weeks without seeing my parents I feel horrible and miss them. Why is it so easy for him to just forget about us? A commenter says you're the arsehole. You raised your son to be an independent, self-supporting, loving adult. You don't get to guilt trip him into moving closer to home with your tears and fears.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00] Of course you miss him. That's understandable. But he's happy where he is. Be happy for him. Be proud of him. Find some hobbies to do so you'll stay busy and active in your life. By the way, I'm a mum to a son and daughter who both live and work in cities far from home. Yes, I miss them. But they are healthy, happy and thriving. That's what really matters. Hope he says no. I don't expect him to take care of us unless he wants to.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00] All I'm expecting is for him to just be around us more often. Commodore says you're the arsehole. You are trying to emotionally manipulate him to move closer. Why didn't you move? Hope he says best I can have at the moment is a visitor visa, which enables me to stay for three months. I've discussed with my husband the possibility of moving there, but for me it's impossible. I'm not leaving my parents behind to be all alone. Commodore says very gently, you're the arsehole.

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_00] It is your job as parents to raise our children to be happy, successful people. It sounds like you've succeeded at that. Congratulations. It's his time to shine. I suspect you live in a culture where children are expected to stay close to their parents. But with all respect, that's not the way of the world anymore. Hope he says you are right. I was raised with strong family values and have an extremely difficult time understanding how easy it is for him to be able to live so far and not feel bad about it.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_00] I can't imagine myself not visiting my parents for more than two weeks. I guess I expected him to be the same. So Opie makes a bunch of edits and says, I didn't realize we could edit the original post. I just wanted to add some information. One, I'm not asking my son to sell his happiness just to be by my side. I just can't see why he needed to be so far away. While he and his wife could have wonderful careers around our area. They could earn more money while staying close to family.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_00] It's illogical for me to think about anything different. Two, some are under the impression I gave up my life to become his mother. And that's not true. I had my own career and a good one. I worked hard to give my son the best I could. I retired six years ago. Three, I realized this is a very strong cultural background where we come from. Family is expected to stay close.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00] My son was the first member of my family that decided to move somewhere so far away that makes visitations once every two weeks or once a month impossible to do. Four, I don't expect to be taken care of when I get old. Me and my husband already talked about this. And unless my son wants to, we will not ask him to take care of us. Five, just to clarify, I'm not Indian. While I love India and I've been there once with my husband, I just want to clarify I'm South American.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00] My son currently lives in North America. Another edit says, I think I'm getting it. It's really cultural. Most people here seem to be from the USA. And I understand it's really normal for families to be separated after children move to college. And they see each other just once a year at Christmas or Thanksgiving, for example. I was raised to believe family should stick together. I raised my son to have the same values and I expected him to keep this tradition. But has broken it.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00] It's not his fault, but I will never understand this decision. Another edit. This will probably be the last time I'm editing the post. It's not. I realized that I will never understand my son's motivations to move away. And I will also never understand why he broke free from our culture of family closeness. No, I'm completely unable to see the world how he does. And I just have to accept it. I'm still feeling abandoned, neglected, and I'm resenting his decisions.

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00] I think he is ungrateful and I will probably rethink our will. That said, I have to accept he adopted a new culture. And that it's just who he is now. He changed and I'm not able to change him back. So I take the judgment and I will work with what I have from now on. Just to add some extra info. I'm rethinking my will because why should I leave everything for him since he chose to be far away? His cousins are all nearby and they help us when we need them. I'm closer to them now than I am to my son.

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not taking him off the will. I'm just not going to leave everything to him. He gets to live where he wants, far away from us. And I get to choose whoever goes on my will. Choices, right? Absolute oof. Another Reddit from OP says, I'm not writing him off my will. I was angry, frustrated, and sad when I wrote that. I never expected him to give up his life for me. All I want is my son to be close to his family. That's just it.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know why it's so difficult for you people to see my point. My son had everything he could possibly need to be successful, start a family and still stay close. But he chose to move to another country. How am I supposed to feel? I'm proud he is a good professional, a good husband, and I'm happy to have helped him pave this road. Still, I think he's a horrible person for choosing to stay away. To be honest, he didn't even have to live right next to us. He could have simply stayed three hours away. This way, we could at least visit him often,

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_00] or plan any activities together. All you people say is his decisions, his life, his choices. I get it. But how is it so easy for you all to dismiss where I'm coming from? Why did he need to go to another country? Yes, I'm assuming he did that just to stay away from us, which makes him a horrible son. As clingy as I may be, I come from a place of love. I've always let him know I love him, and I've always thought about the best for him.

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_00] But at the same time, am I really this wrong to expect some closeness? He never starts conversations. I'm the one who sends the texts. If I don't tell him the news about his relatives, he doesn't ask. How am I supposed to not feel abandoned? Seriously. I don't know what else to say. And one more edit, which says, lots of comments asking why I don't move closer to him. One, I will not do to my own parents what he is doing to me. Two, even if I didn't have my parents, I'm unable to get a permanent visa.

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_00] So, OP posted an update, which came five months later. It said, hello. I wanted to provide you all with an update since my original post gained a lot of attention and sparked various discussions. Some were unfortunately rude and disrespectful. Since my last post, I, one, improved my relationship with my son and his wife. Two, switched therapists. Three, started treatment for my anxiety and depression. Four, lost my father.

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00] Things started to turn around when I decided to change therapists and went on a few sessions with a new one. Their approach allowed me to come to terms with the fact that my son's values, perspective on the world and life objectives will never align with mine. And that's okay. It was a tough realization, but an important one. During therapy, I also discovered that my anxiety was way more off than I thought. I never treated it. I started taking medication.

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_00] After a few months, I was feeling a lot better about my son living away from me. Moreover, my therapist helped me understand a crucial aspect of my life. I've been living under the weight of guilt, given up on so many plans for the sake of my own parents. A silly example. When my husband and I got married, I wanted to get a cat, but my father always hated cats. I thought to myself, My father despises felines. It wouldn't be fair to him to have a cat in our home. What if they come to visit?

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00] I wouldn't be a good daughter. When I recounted this story to my therapist, they were shocked on how normal I thought that was. This was just one of many instances where guilt dictated my decisions. Both of my parents were masters at instilling guilt, and I had internalized it over the years. Main point of the original post. I wanted my son to continue living close to me. He didn't. In my misguided attempts to enforce my desires, I resorted to guilt tripping him repeatedly.

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_00] It's how I've been taught. It's what I knew. I now see how wrong and unhealthy that behavior is. While I may never fully understand or relate to the idea of living far away from family, it still hurts. I've come to accept that this is my issue to grapple with, not my son's burden. I'm determined to comfort this challenge alone and refuse to allow it dictate my happiness. After my father passed, it happened suddenly. My son wanted to come to his funeral. But it would be so exhausting for him,

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00] not to mention expensive. So I told him there was no need to come. He could stay and we could get together and remember grandpa another time. I was surprised with myself. In other times, I would have guilted him into coming as fast as he could. In conclusion, I want to thank those who were respectful for the wake-up core and the discussions that unfolded from my initial post. It has been an enlightening journey of self-discovery and growth. I'm committed to continuing my progress and learning how to prioritize my own well-being

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00] while respecting the autonomy and choices of those around me. On my word, I will 100% admit here, Opie has got me in bits with her growth here. The pattern recognition with her own parents absolutely got me. You know, she couldn't get a cat in her own home because her visiting father might be uncomfortable with it. And, you know, she thought that was completely normal until a therapist pointed that out to her. She's breaking the chain of guilt-based parenting. And, you know,

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_00] she even said herself that she's probably never going to fully understand why he wants to live abroad. And that's okay. But she's choosing not to damage the relationship any further. She stopped making that his problem to fix. But in the comments, people were saying, get yourself a cat mama. They're healing. Another commenter said, hey, it's time for you to get a cat friend. Do something exciting for yourself and get that cat you always wanted. It will really help with your anxiety. And they are cute and cuddly

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_00] and will also be your boss. Another commenter says, wow, this is so much growth. Congratulations on doing that very hard. hard work in therapy. I'm proud of you. I do hope you and your son are able to build a relationship that meets everybody's needs. Best of luck. And thank you for the update. Another commenter says, my mom needs to see your therapist. Another commenter says, OP, I'm so glad that you're able to see you weren't getting the help you needed from your therapist and found a different one. You weren't just dealing with cultural but generational differences.

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00] And that's not an easy bridge to gap on your own. I'm sorry for your loss and hope that you and your family are doing well. So, OP comes in with an edit. And says, thank you everyone for this awesome reception of my post. I wasn't expecting this much love. I wanted to take some time and reply to each comment but I'll address one point that everyone seems to be commenting. Yes, my husband and I will adopt a cat. We need to secure our house first. We're planning on keeping it indoors for its safety. So,

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00] we will catify the environment to the best we can. I've been watching a lot of Jackson Galaxy videos. OP comes in with another update 12 days later and says, oh, I guess I'm no longer allowed to edit the post if it goes beyond 3000 characters. What a shame. I wanted to share the edit below. Oh, wow. Thank you so much for this amount of love I received. I actually teared down a bit when I read some comments. I'm afraid I will not be able to respond to each and every one of you. But I promise, I'll take a bit of time to reach out whenever I can.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00] However, I wanted to share something else here. Meet Hyrule. And OP also shared an image of the cat. Absolutely beautiful. We adopted him from a shelter. He's about one year old. Very gentle and easy to deal with. I'm really considering getting another one to keep him company. But I will give it some time. Let's see how it will go in the next months. I'm just really glad that OP was able to work it out in therapy and cat therapy at the same time.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, before we do get into this next story, I do want to give you a warning on it that there is talk of death within the story and some medical stuff as well. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_00] Our next story comes from Rarely Ordinary Co. From the true off my chest subreddit. And it says, I died for my sister's birthday. And don't know how I can celebrate her birthday for the rest of our lives. Yes, you read that right. I-24 female was pronounced clinically dead for 12 minutes on my sister's birthday. 22 female last year. A week before her birthday, I had a surgery to remove a blood clot in my renal vein,

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_00] which was unsuccessful. I was told I needed to redo my renal vein transposition, remove the vein and replace it with a pig artery to prevent getting a blood clot or further collapse of my vein. They decided to add a stent as well. I was hospitalized in the special care unit on heparin drip with severe gastroparesis until they could schedule the surgery. I was told the surgery date and asked if we could do it a different day because it was my sister's birthday.

[00:21:26] [SPEAKER_00] She's my best friend and I didn't want to ruin her birthday. You can probably guess from the title of this post that my request obviously didn't go through. So we prepared for the surgery. I called my sister the morning of my surgery to wish her a happy birthday. We had a good cry and she told me that everything was going to be okay because nothing bad could happen to me on her birthday. We went through all the possible complications and I signed the consent forms for the surgery.

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00] There was such a small chance of vein rupture that I wasn't concerned about the possibility. But I was obviously within the less than 1%. The surgery was going well so far. The surgeon successfully removed the portion of my vein with the solidified blood clot and sutured a pig artery in its place. The next step in the procedure was to deploy the stent into the freshly transposed vein. In stenting procedures, the stent is attached to a balloon and catheter.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00] The balloon is slowly expanded to deploy the stent. As the stent was deployed in my vein, my vein suddenly ruptured on the suture site. The surgeon clamped both sides of the vein to stop the bleeding. But I had already lost most of the blood in my body. My stats were dropping. My heart stopped. I did not have a heartbeat for 12 minutes. I was clinically dead for 12 minutes. 12 minutes of CPR. At 10 minutes, the head surgeon told the resident that I wasn't going to make it.

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_00] But that resident had never lost a patient before and we actually became quite close as I researched vascular diseases for my career. Those extra two minutes saved my life. I received multiple blood transfusions and was on dozens of machines. Once I was stable, a life flighted me to the nearest trauma hospital. I was given four hours to live. Four hours. My parents and husband had the chance to say goodbye to me before I got on the helicopter.

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00] My mom had to call both of my sisters so they could say goodbye over the phone. My sister was celebrating her birthday with a few friends in her apartment when she got the phone call. It absolutely destroyed her. Screaming and vomiting from the horror. After I was life flighted, it took them six hours to stabilize me. I was immediately put on a ventilator, life support and multiple drips because my lungs, heart, kidneys, liver, bladder and brain were not functioning. I was put in a medical coma.

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_00] While they were trying to control the rest of the bleeding in my open abdomen, they found a tear in my bowel from one of my previous surgeries, requiring me to have another surgery once I was stable. Once I was stable, they told my family I would most likely not make it through the night. My parents had to figure out how to get both of my sisters to my city as we all live in different states. My sister got there the next day and it absolutely destroyed her to see me connected to all the machines. She said I was so swollen, barely recognizable

[00:24:10] [SPEAKER_00] and cold like death to the touch. I remained unconscious for seven days. I was mentally awake on day five. I was stuck in my brain without physically being able to wake up. I could hear my family talking to me, the nurses calling my name, my husband playing my favorite music, my sister playing me my favorite comfort movies. When I finally woke up, I was so scared and I had all these tubes in my mouth, nose, arms and feet. I was put in restraints for six days.

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_00] During this time, the staples that closed my abdomen tore open, leaving my organs, muscle and entire insides exposed. My poor husband, mom and sister saw this gruesome sight. They left me open for 53 days, doing wet to dry packing twice a day until I was put on a wound vac and eventually having a surgical closure. I had to undergo 10 surgeries during this time. I was on a ventilator for 12 days. I failed multiple breathing trials before I was finally able to come off the ventilator.

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_00] The ventilator actually damaged my vocal cords and I could barely speak for two months. Because of this, I couldn't communicate so my sister helped me by getting a whiteboard and that's how we talked for weeks. The first thing I wrote to her was, I love you. It was all I wanted her to know. That I was here and that I loved her with my whole being. I was in the ICU for 14 days before I was moved to the wound care unit. I had to relearn how to talk, swallow, eat, sit up, walk, use my left arm, use the stairs,

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_00] basically function like a normal person. I was on a feeding tube for 62 days. I was bedridden for six weeks. I was in the hospital for a total of 70 days. My sister was there every single day, 14 hours a day, never leaving my side. She would bring her iPads so we could watch the movies to distract me from my pain and trauma. She would wash my face, brush and braid my hair, put aloe on my skin when it burned. I was in constant lupus flare from all the physical trauma.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_00] After I was released from the hospital, she stayed with me at my house and took care of me every single day. She helped me shower, eat, get dressed, do my physical therapy exercises. She was there for me on my hardest days when the PTSD was so bad, I didn't want to be here anymore. She took me to all of my follow-up appointments and multiple ER trips. She was my rock and still is. Even though she's back home, we talk every single day. The problem is, I died on her birthday.

[00:26:38] [SPEAKER_00] The most traumatic day of my life was on a day I loved celebrating with her. And now I don't know how I'll be able to celebrate her without reliving the trauma of what I went through. I feel so guilty because she is my best friend and I have so much love for her. We are both so young and I don't want this to be like this. We're both obviously in therapy, but this is the first year since this happened and I don't know how to celebrate her but also protecting my mental health.

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_00] I think this is just one of those situations where there isn't a perfect answer for this. You know, you didn't choose this date. You literally asked to reschedule it and your sister knows that this isn't something you did on purpose or anything like that. So I'm sure she would understand. I'm trying to put myself in the sister's position in this and if my brother went through what OP's gone through, I would just be thankful. Thankful that they're still with me.

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_00] We can celebrate my birthday anytime you like. Hell, let's turn my birthday into a day that we get to spend together and show our love for one another, you know? And I'm sure your sister has her own feelings about what happened that day and, you know, she feels her own way about it. So I think you guys just need to have an honest discussion about what happened and how you feel and I know it's easy for me to say but trying to turn this from a day that, you know, you're saying you died

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_00] but more like a day that you survived and of course, that isn't going to erase what you've been through. But let's face it, your sister spent loads of hours every day by your side for all those days that you were in the hospital. She knows what you went through because she lived it alongside you and I can just tell even by your written words, the love that you have for one another, she's not going to hold it against you. But just be honest with each other, keep that conversation going, show that love to one another

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_00] and I guarantee this will be 100% okay. And the top commenter on this one says, unlucky assist 9416. They said, I would reframe it. You didn't die. You came back to life. You can celebrate her with her for every additional year that you're alive and should be dead. OP said, this is a great way of looking at it. I think that outlook will come with healing. Another commenter says, wow OP, I can't begin to imagine what such an experience must have been like for you.

[00:29:01] [SPEAKER_00] All I can say is I'm glad that you're still here with us. I'm curious, have you been provided any kind of trauma counseling, therapy, et cetera for your experience? Edit to add, my apologies. My brain totally omitted the part but you said you are indeed in therapy. OP replied saying, when I was in the hospital, I had daily psychologist meetings. I actually didn't know what fully happened to me until four weeks into the hospital because the psychologist did not think I was ready. I was living day to day and fighting for my life every day for the first two weeks.

[00:29:31] [SPEAKER_00] I was just recently released from the hospital and I'm on a wait list for a few specialized trauma psychologists in my area. But for now, I've been doing online therapy. It's just not as specialized as what I need but it works for the time being. The commenter replies saying, that's incredibly tense. I'm happy to hear that you're on your way to receiving the support that you need. If you don't mind me asking, what kinds of conversations have you and your sister had surrounding your and potentially her feelings regarding her birthday, if any? I wouldn't be surprised if she also has

[00:30:01] [SPEAKER_00] some strong feelings about the day as well. Do you think it's something that you two can lean on each other for support? OP says, we've talked about how hard the day will be, at least for the first few years, as we deal with the trauma. She has talked about how this day will also be hard for her to celebrate just as much as it is for me. We've talked about celebrating her birthday on a different day, like the weekend before her birthday. We've been leaning on each other throughout this whole thing and will continue to do so throughout the rest of our lives. And one more commenter who says,

[00:30:31] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know what to say other than if I were your sister, I couldn't possibly upset with you over this. She clearly cares for you dearly. So maybe talk to her. Honestly, teared up reading this. It sounds like you two have a really special bond. I know you feel like you're in debt to her, but personally, what you said about just being there and loving her and that being your entire being. I think that's really more than anyone could ask for in return. That's such a beautiful thing. I think she'd understand if her birthday is triggering for you.

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_00] It's clearly not because you don't care about her. So Opie came in with an edit slash update and said, I'm not really sure how to do an edit or update, so hopefully this is okay. I've read every single comment and cannot thank you all enough for your input. It was especially helpful to read comments for those who had similar experiences. The fact of me being clinically dead was obviously a shock, but not surprising. I have 14 medical conditions, five of them being rare diseases, one of them being vascular Ehlers-Danlos syndrome,

[00:31:30] [SPEAKER_00] making my veins especially fragile, explaining why my vein ruptured so easily during stenting. I know multiple people were concerned about this, but I'm in therapy twice a week and also on call for emergency PTSD episodes. I'm currently on the wait list for a medical trauma trained psychologist, but general counseling has been very helpful. I'm slowly getting back into my hobbies and daily life as I'm still physically recovering. Seven month estimated recovery time. I had a long phone call with my sister

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_00] and a good cry after going through all the comments. We talked about how we both feel about the day, which our feelings are very mutual. I explained how a lot of you all suggested reframing that day as my rebirth day, like a phoenix as a couple of people said. Today, I was saved from unimaginable odds. Since this is the first year, I'm sure it'll be the hardest, but we are both trying to shift our perspectives. We talked about doing a celebration on a different day this year, but I still plan on sending her flowers and a coffee on her actual birthday.

[00:32:29] [SPEAKER_00] But I won't have to be physically present and fake being okay on the actual day. We'll see how this year goes and adjust for the following years as we continue to heal and grow together. Honestly though, all that matters is that we're able to live out our lives together. We also brought up the idea of creating a bucket list together. We brainstormed a bunch of ideas in both our current states and our home state to do when we visit each other so we can maximize our time together and continue to make memories because I didn't fight for my life

[00:32:58] [SPEAKER_00] to be depressed or silent. Thanks Reddit for your advice and comments. And a lot of people saying that that day should be celebrated, that Opie survived and hopefully continues to thrive as well as sister's birthday at the same time and make it a special day for the both of them. Which of course, Opie needs to make that decision for themselves because who knows what they're going through after everything. It must have been terrifying for their family

[00:33:28] [SPEAKER_00] and Opie as well when they came to and found out all this stuff. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_00] Take care and much love.