I Wore White To My Friends Wedding At Her Request But It Was A Setup r/Relationships

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[00:00:30] Hey, hey waffle gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

[00:00:43] and if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like subscribe, maybe that notification bell too, unless crack on with today's first story, which comes from the am I the arsehole here subreddit from?

[00:00:55] I'm going to pronounce this wrong most likely, is side of potential 6437? Apologies. And it's titled, I'm I the arsehole here for wearing a white dress to a wedding after being specifically requested to buy the bride.

[00:01:11] Oh my god, my head is such a jumble right now. Let's try to make sense of all of this. When I 26 female was 5 we moved and our next door neighbors had a girl my age named Bella.

[00:01:24] 27 female. We immediately connected and grew up thick as thieves, our families were also close. I moved a couple hours away for college while Bella stayed home. She would come visit me frequently, stay with me and we had great times.

[00:01:39] I met Barrett, 26 male now. Then eCon class sophomore year and realized we had a lot of friends in common. It was smart and attractive guy so we ended up hooking up a few times after study sessions.

[00:01:52] It was fun but it wasn't really long term chemistry so we remained friends. We never even talked about dating, we weren't close after that but we were on group text threads together and saw each other frequently at parties.

[00:02:05] I introduced Bella to Barrett at a party senior year and it was love at first sight for her. She interrogated me about him and I informed her of our history.

[00:02:16] She seemed pretty upset about the fact that we had hooked up but I showed her that was absolutely nothing romantic there and she had my blessing to pursue him.

[00:02:25] She did and after a few months they started officially dating. She was over the moon and I was happy she was happy.

[00:02:34] I graduated and accepted a job 6 hours away from home. Shortly afterwards, Bella and Barrett ended up moving in together in my hometown. I visited them frequently at first but life got busy so we ended up seeing each other annually at holidays.

[00:02:49] Last Christmas my family hosted a Christmas Eve party with our two families for which Barrett proposed to Bella.

[00:02:56] There was a heartfelt proposal and everybody was thrilled for them. Bella wanted to talk about nothing but wedding planning that holiday and we had tons of fun brainstorming ideas together.

[00:03:07] There were no signs of what was to come. Over the next few months I expected to be formally asked to be Bella's maid of honour.

[00:03:15] She mentioned this over the holidays but she asked never came. She started screening my course. Finally I received a safe the date in the mail and still hadn't heard from her about whether I was in the wedding so I got her on the phone and asked her.

[00:03:29] She told me that she had thought it through and didn't think that I should be in the wedding at all because I lived so far away.

[00:03:35] She thought it would make her ordinating bridal events too difficult. She would make her cousin who she doesn't even like, a maid of honour.

[00:03:43] I was pretty hurt by this. I was her closest and oldest friend. I introduced her to her fiancé and was friends with them too.

[00:03:52] I told her that I could get the time off work, would buy plain tickets whatever was required of me to participate but I didn't think that I was going to be as challenging as she thought.

[00:04:01] She shrugged us off. Instead she directed the conversation to whether I was going to be bringing someone to the wedding.

[00:04:08] I was held confused by this question because I had just had a break up and she knew all about what went down.

[00:04:14] I told her that since I wasn't seeing anybody currently, I'd probably be attending solo. She told me that she would keep my plus one open until the last possible minute and encourage me to try and find a date so I wouldn't be lonely.

[00:04:28] I thought this was a nice gesture but reassured her that with my family present and tons of mutual friends from college and our hometown that I would be fine.

[00:04:38] The next few months passed without much incident. I didn't hear a ton from Bella. I probably could have reached out more but I still was stinging a bit from not being asked to be in a wedding party.

[00:04:49] I also saw on social media that she had an engagement party that she had not told me about or invited me to and I also heard but I didn't say anything.

[00:04:59] I figured we were just growing apart. It happens. Then six weeks prior to the wedding, I got a call from Bella.

[00:05:06] She told me that one of her bride's maids had dropped out and she was hoping that I could fill in.

[00:05:11] I wouldn't be going to any of the events as those already booked but I would be in the wedding party.

[00:05:19] I was thrilled and relieved and accepted immediately. She told me that she was doing a reverse colour palette for the bridal party where all of the bright maids and grooms were wearing white and she and the groom were wearing black.

[00:05:32] This didn't seem that strange. Bella has always liked to stand out and has unconventional taste.

[00:05:39] She apologised for the late notice and asked if I could find a white dress in time.

[00:05:43] I had a white slip dress already that would work and sent her a picture of it on the call to see if it would work.

[00:05:49] She verbally approved it and tagged it with a thumbs up on the next chain. This will be important later.

[00:05:55] The wedding was at noon so we were supposed to meet to do hair and makeup at the venue at 8am.

[00:06:01] I left my parents home early and arrived in sweats with my dress in a bag and greeted Bella and the other girls, bit fun drinking champagne and getting ready.

[00:06:09] About 2 hours prior to the ceremony, Bella told everyone to get our dresses on so we could do some pictures.

[00:06:15] I grabbed my bag and went into the bathroom to change and tweaked my makeup.

[00:06:20] When I re-entered the room, every last prize made was in a blue dress.

[00:06:25] I was the only one in white.

[00:06:27] My stomach dropped, my mind raised back to the conversation I had with Bella.

[00:06:31] She said white, right?

[00:06:33] I hadn't misheard. No, I was certain.

[00:06:36] She had called out the reverse colour scheme. I had googled it. No, this was a setup.

[00:06:42] Bella was in the middle of the room in a bathrobe with a resigned look on her face.

[00:06:47] She said to her cousin, I told you she was going to do something like this.

[00:06:51] A cousin approached me and asked what I was wearing.

[00:06:54] I mumbled that Bella had told me to wear white.

[00:06:57] Bella didn't even blink.

[00:06:59] She stared back and huffed out a laugh and said something about how of course I would have to make today all about me.

[00:07:05] A cousin started screaming at me, going off on me about how I was jealous in love with Barrett and how completely unhinged I was.

[00:07:13] Honestly, I frozen that moment.

[00:07:16] I was also spun around by how fast everything went from great to shit.

[00:07:20] I couldn't even find the words to defend myself.

[00:07:23] Eventually, I stammered out that I had another dress at my parents house and could go home and change.

[00:07:28] Bella said something like,

[00:07:30] I think we both know that this is the end of our friendship.

[00:07:33] I've given you too many chances.

[00:07:35] It's time for you to go.

[00:07:37] I started to cry.

[00:07:39] I didn't really know what was happening or what she was talking about

[00:07:42] but I knew that whatever was going down was really bad.

[00:07:45] Finally, my leg started to work again and I fled.

[00:07:48] I left all of my things at the venue and just ran to my car and went home, sobbing in the white dress.

[00:07:54] About half an hour later my phone blew up.

[00:07:57] Texts from nearly everyone in my life telling me that I was bitter, that I was a whore, that I needed to grow up and get over my jealousy, asking how I could do that to Bella.

[00:08:07] Even my mother sent me a text saying,

[00:08:09] and disappointed she was in me and that we'd talk when they got home.

[00:08:13] I did what any rational person would do in the situation.

[00:08:16] I broke into my parents' liquor cabinet and got drunk.

[00:08:20] As a result, the conversation when my parents finally arrived home was somewhat confused.

[00:08:25] My dad wouldn't even look at me and my mum and I kept talking past each other.

[00:08:29] She outright didn't believe that I'd been told to wear white and I didn't understand why.

[00:08:34] Then finally she said something like,

[00:08:36] because of everything else that's happened.

[00:08:38] I was like, what are you talking about? What does that mean?

[00:08:42] And she said,

[00:08:43] You know, you're ultimatums to Bella.

[00:08:45] The next few hours revealed the truth.

[00:08:48] Over the last several months Bella has been building a fiction with nearly everyone in my life that I am mentally unstable and madly in love with Barrett.

[00:08:56] She's concocted aware about landish tales and systematically poisoned my family and friends against me.

[00:09:03] My boyfriend apparently dumped me because of my feelings for Barrett.

[00:09:06] Lai, he cheated and I dumped him.

[00:09:09] I told Bella that she needs to choose between me and Barrett.

[00:09:13] Never happened.

[00:09:14] I told Bella that I couldn't be in the wedding party because I couldn't support her marriage given that Barrett was meant for me.

[00:09:21] Lai,

[00:09:22] had a major meltdown before the engagement party

[00:09:25] and that's why I wasn't there on and on.

[00:09:28] Lai is on top of Lai's.

[00:09:30] In all of these stories, Bella has painted herself as the patient.

[00:09:34] Long suffering friend trying to deal with a friend clearly going through a tough time.

[00:09:38] She expressed understanding for my unrequited love for Barrett and empathized with how hard it must be for me to see her marry the love of my life

[00:09:47] and has made great efforts to try and sustain our friendship despite how complicated the situation is.

[00:09:53] Lai has been going on so long my mum literally did not believe me.

[00:09:58] Finally, I grabbed my phone and handed it to her and ordered to go through my text messages with Bella.

[00:10:03] Asked her to show me any evidence of that happening.

[00:10:06] It was when she was scrolling through reading our messages that she saw the picture of the white dress I had sent Bella with a thumbs up on it.

[00:10:13] I completely forgotten about it.

[00:10:16] The absence of any ultimatums or Barrett drama in our text in the picture of the approved dress flipped my mum.

[00:10:22] She finally believed me.

[00:10:24] She was horrified that she had brought into a false narrative.

[00:10:28] She called my dad into the room and explained what was what.

[00:10:31] My dad isn't the type of person you want to piss off.

[00:10:34] We had spent the significant amount of energy trying to calm him down so we didn't walk next door and rip the house from the foundation.

[00:10:41] My mum still says that I'm a bit of an asshole because I should never have assumed that I could wear white to someone's wedding.

[00:10:48] I should have confirmed with the other bridesmaids about what they were wearing and that was part of my job as a member of the bridal party.

[00:10:55] I own that, but it doesn't change the fact that I never meant to hurt Bella and she has been setting me up for this epic fall for months.

[00:11:04] The next day hung over on multiple levels.

[00:11:08] I sent screen caps on my call history with Bella and the photo of the approved dress text to multiple people.

[00:11:14] Unfortunately this is where my occupation works against me.

[00:11:17] I'm a graphic designer and people believe that I photoshopped the image.

[00:11:22] Trust me, if I was going to photoshop some proof it would have been a hell of a lot more compelling than somebody liking an image.

[00:11:28] So pretty much nobody believes me except my mum, dad and one of the other bridesmaids.

[00:11:34] One of Bella's friends from college I don't know well.

[00:11:37] She was there during the dress incident and she found me on social media and DM me that could tell from the stun look on my face that I was telling the truth.

[00:11:46] She said Bella had a pretty bad case of COVID at the beginning of the year and ever since then had changed as a person.

[00:11:53] I'm coming cruel and self-absorbed.

[00:11:55] She said the wedding events had been horrific and Bella was a monster and she was planning on going no contact now that it was done.

[00:12:03] So that's three people out of hundreds but don't think I'm an asshole. Everyone else does.

[00:12:08] My reputation destroyed, my life in tatters and I don't think I'm an asshole.

[00:12:13] I submit myself to redditch judgements.

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[00:13:30] Now as always I think it's very easy for me to say my comments especially when I'm coming into the story.

[00:13:36] I've seen the title I already know something is going to go down so it's already you know the seeds already in my mind that there's gonna be some drama here.

[00:13:44] But very early on in the story I was getting vibes that you know it's all gonna go horribly wrong especially when she was upset about barit being with you.

[00:13:52] You could see where the story was going to go and then she starts talking to you about you know bringing someone else with you to the wedding as a plus one.

[00:14:00] I was already getting the vibes of insecurity from her being like because you have got history with this guy.

[00:14:06] It'd be interested to know what barit's view is in all of this because obviously they do have a history they have a friendship as well by the sounds of it.

[00:14:13] But we didn't hear nothing about his side of things.

[00:14:16] He must know the situation by now. How does he feel about that?

[00:14:21] And I wonder if the bride has been saying anything too barit in the background about that past relationship or was this all just done behind closed doors.

[00:14:29] But Opie did respond to some of the comments within the thread someone says so if they expected you to come home for it why did they never ask you about your plans to attend and when you would be home?

[00:14:40] Opie says I wish I could answer your question but I genuinely don't know the timelines from my end.

[00:14:46] I don't know what my parents knew when the party invites went out where my parents were told by Bella that I couldn't handle going.

[00:14:52] All of this happened without me knowing about it so I just don't know.

[00:14:56] Trust me, the fact that my parents thought all of this was going on with me and didn't properly talk to me about it has been difficult to swallow.

[00:15:03] Someone says to Opie also how is it that you're getting ready at the venue you never see her wedding dress or talk about flipped colours for the wedding until it's time for the bride to get dressed.

[00:15:13] Opie says I was boxed out of all the other wedding events except for the rehearsal which lasted about 30 minutes.

[00:15:20] I was never really put on group texts about the wedding which I thought was owed my last minute involvement dresses were in garment bags and put on a rack.

[00:15:28] At one point a bridal gown was removed from the room to be steamed.

[00:15:32] I don't think it was back yet when this all went down which was why she was still in a robe.

[00:15:37] My understanding was that she wanted photos of us helping her get dressed which is why we were getting dressed first.

[00:15:43] Now I suspect the timing was intentional.

[00:15:46] I was the only person who thought there was a flipped colour palette but I don't know why that would have come up in the conversation.

[00:15:52] We talked about a lot of stuff but wedding colours didn't come up.

[00:15:55] Someone says it seems like both you and your parents are or communicators and Bella relied on you not reaching out to her or her parents, the other bridesmaids or your parents to ask her about wedding plans.

[00:16:06] Hope you say yes. My relationship with my parents is well, I think I'd need a whole additional am I the asshole post here or that? It's complicated.

[00:16:16] So around two months later after the original post O.P. comes in with her update and says, I've gone back and forth about updating my post.

[00:16:26] If you read my update hopefully you understand why.

[00:16:29] For safety reasons this will be my one and only update. Those you bitching about the length included a TLDR at the end.

[00:16:37] Before I get started, I want to address a question a lot of comters had about my parents.

[00:16:42] A lot of people were questioning why my mum would hear all that stuff about me and not check in on me or confront me.

[00:16:48] It's because I'm on a post date.

[00:16:51] Last year I left the religion my parents raised me in which Bella is still involved in so chest superior credibility.

[00:16:58] My politics differ also. From where my mum and dad sat, I was a sinner capable of any act of evil because I turned my back on biblical principles.

[00:17:08] Assume that the broader religious community in this town believes the same of me.

[00:17:12] Despite this, I try to have a relationship with my parents. I'm an only child. They are my only family.

[00:17:20] But there was strain and distance there. For example, I did not tell my parents a lot about my breakup

[00:17:26] because the circumstances of that would reinforce some of my parents' worst beliefs about me.

[00:17:31] It's also the reason I've been home in the last year. It's also one of the reasons I assume things were strained between Bella and I in the last year.

[00:17:40] I didn't bring it out because as everybody wanted to point out, my post was already too damn long. And this one will be too. Sorry.

[00:17:49] I would have guessed that the events of the wedding would strain my relationship with my parents further but unexpectedly it was broader closer.

[00:17:57] I think many of my parents' stronger opinions on me were more about how they felt my leaving the church would ultimately reflect on them in the community.

[00:18:04] But now that the community has rallied against me and the worst has happened, they circled to hurt.

[00:18:10] They've waged holy war in their church on my behalf in the last couple of months.

[00:18:15] It's weirdly cemented that my parents actually do care about me, despite our differences as people.

[00:18:21] In that regard this awful event has been a blessing. A lot of your awkwardness between us from the last year has faded and it really feels like they've chosen aside.

[00:18:30] And that side is me. We've got a great holiday together so in that way I'm glad this happened.

[00:18:36] Onto the update.

[00:18:38] In the immediate aftermath of the wedding and post, I did as people suggested and sent out a screen recording of my text messages with Bella, all of them going back months to counter her narrative that I was unstable, next explaining my side of the story.

[00:18:52] There were three camps that emerged as a result.

[00:18:55] First were my high school friends. Most of them are religious and have been extensively brainwashed by Bella.

[00:19:01] None took my side except for the one Bridesmaid who already contacted me.

[00:19:06] Next were the college friends closer to me. None of them had heard Bella's whisper campaign and accepted the evidence immediately.

[00:19:13] Several of them told me that they never really liked Bella and that she had shit talked me behind my back.

[00:19:19] This was news to me but also a relief because these are the relationships I most don't want to lose and it looks like I won't.

[00:19:26] The college friend who were closer to Barrett just didn't really care.

[00:19:30] A lot of these guys are classic dude bros that are drama adverse so I'm not shocked that they aren't relishing the chance to waive through and litigate the evidence.

[00:19:39] No hostility coming from these people anymore but no support either.

[00:19:43] I can live with that.

[00:19:45] Bella's new clear and extended family I've given up on.

[00:19:48] When I was back for Christmas I tried to go over to speak to Bella's parents.

[00:19:52] Who were like parents to me also and they refused to even open the door.

[00:19:56] I left a letter in their mailbox it went unacknowledged.

[00:20:00] In general things settled down into a new normal and I just focused on my life and my work trying to move forward.

[00:20:06] I went home for the holidays and just hung out with my parents. Life was okay.

[00:20:11] Then January 1st I signed into an older email account that I haven't used in a while to reset a password.

[00:20:19] In the spirit of new year digital housekeeping I started going through old messages intending to close this account for good.

[00:20:26] When I saw an email from my ex with a subject line I win.

[00:20:30] I cannot describe the gut punch that I felt but I saw that mail.

[00:20:34] I freeze up now just writing about it.

[00:20:37] My ex, that's calling Matthew.

[00:20:39] What was the perfect boyfriend?

[00:20:41] Until he wasn't.

[00:20:43] He became extremely controlling after our first year of dating.

[00:20:47] He wanted to control what I wore, what I ate, what I talked to, what I connected with and what I posted on social media etc.

[00:20:54] He was very cunning and nuanced with the way he tore me down slowly over time but then he slipped up.

[00:21:01] I found out he was cheating and I woke up enough to get out of there.

[00:21:05] The breakup was a living nightmare.

[00:21:07] He refused to allow me to break up with him.

[00:21:10] We were living together.

[00:21:12] He installed tracking software on my phone and bugged my car.

[00:21:15] He had people at my job reporting to him on my movements.

[00:21:19] He couldn't get away from him, he couldn't hide, he kept showing up.

[00:21:23] He held my dog hostage.

[00:21:25] The police were useless because he was never physically violent and was careful not to write his threats down.

[00:21:32] I was in absolute hell for months, living under the terror that he would shove again.

[00:21:37] I changed my job, my number, my address, my email account, my social media profiles were private.

[00:21:43] This was the one place I forgot to block him.

[00:21:47] The I win email was sent the day after the wedding.

[00:21:51] He said that he had become close with Bella after we broke up.

[00:21:55] He called himself the architect of My Demise.

[00:21:58] He said he had fed Bella's paranoia about me and Barrett and that together they had planned my punishment.

[00:22:04] He said losing everyone important in my life was what I deserved and then said we should get back together.

[00:22:10] Unless I wanted more unfortunate things like this to keep happening.

[00:22:14] Yes, he's a delusional prick.

[00:22:17] It took me a while to collect myself and get my shit together after reading that.

[00:22:21] I fell apart for a few days.

[00:22:23] My mum helped pull me back together and now knows the details about what happened with Matthew.

[00:22:28] She connected me with a family friend, an attorney that has currently helped me file for a restraining order against Matthew.

[00:22:34] I tried during the stalking period but couldn't afford an attorney and was denied.

[00:22:39] I think with the email evidence of the attorney saying things are the right way, it will be granted this time.

[00:22:44] But the hearing is not for a couple of weeks.

[00:22:46] It is on Zoom and Matthew will get a chance to be there.

[00:22:49] I'm terrified to see him even just on screen.

[00:22:53] If you read this Matthew please realise I'm not so terrified that I won't taste the fuck out of you.

[00:22:57] If you ever come near me again.

[00:23:00] Once I had dealt with my own safety, at the realisation that I was in possession of absolute proof that the wedding incident was a set up.

[00:23:08] I considered blasting it out everywhere.

[00:23:10] I still have so much shame about being in an abusive relationship and cannot bring myself to do it.

[00:23:15] I just decided to forward it to Barrett with a small amount of explanation.

[00:23:20] Barrett's did not respond to the email.

[00:23:22] I do not know what happened to him Bella and Barrett's household after that.

[00:23:26] But what I do know is that two nights later, Bella drunk drove her car to my parents house

[00:23:31] while attending the park in their driveways she ran over their mailbox.

[00:23:35] When my parents answered the door, she started screaming about how my home wrecking slut.

[00:23:40] In a drunken ramblings my parents were able to figure out that Barrett had left her.

[00:23:44] Her parents were called over from next door to collect their drunk daughter.

[00:23:48] My dad said they seemed extremely embarrassed.

[00:23:51] I know a lot of people here will probably be fist pumping the air that Bella met with some karma.

[00:23:56] I'm not one of them.

[00:23:58] Matthew is a monster and I know first hand how charming and convincing he is.

[00:24:03] Bella, much like I did, fell for his act.

[00:24:06] The happiness has been destroyed by Matthew too and I have a really hard time blaming her now

[00:24:11] that I know that he was pulling the strings.

[00:24:13] But she also made a choice.

[00:24:16] I'm not dumb enough to reconcile with her.

[00:24:19] My number one priority is my safety and anybody who has ties to Matthew is somebody I need to stay far away from.

[00:24:26] Bella will have to find her own path back to good.

[00:24:29] There is a role that opened up in my team in another country.

[00:24:33] It's a manager position which would be a promotion for me and my boss thinks I should apply.

[00:24:38] While it would be harder having even more distance from my folks,

[00:24:42] I think being in an entirely new country might help cultivate a feeling of safety for me.

[00:24:47] I'm not sure I can get in the city now.

[00:24:50] So that's what might be next for me.

[00:24:52] I don't really know how to win this properly, I'm just tired.

[00:24:56] Thanks for the support reddit.

[00:24:57] I probably won't sign into this account again.

[00:25:00] Holy moly on toast and that was OP's last update

[00:25:05] and it sounds like it might be their final update as well.

[00:25:08] Certainly keep an eye out for it but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:25:13] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:25:16] What would you do if you was OP?

[00:25:19] It must be super tempting to send out that email to everyone but what would you do?

[00:25:24] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:25:28] I just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:25:32] You'll love your support and especially your time.

[00:25:36] Thank you so, so much for being here.

[00:25:38] It's absolutely amazing. Thank you and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:25:43] Take care and much love.

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