I Moved Out Of Our Apartment Without Telling Ex Our Lease Is Up

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit from ConsciousLeague5661. And it says, Am I The Arsehole Here? For moving out of mine and my now ex-boyfriend's apartment.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00] Without reminding him that our lease is up on the 31st. My ex-boyfriend, 30 male and I, 29 female, had been together for almost 8 years. Living together for 5. We were initially child free by choice because we quite liked having a ton of disposable income and being able to go on spontaneous trips. And didn't want to ruin that.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_00] A little over a year ago, one of our best couple friends got pregnant. And I think he started to change his mind about the child free lifestyle. We spoke about it and he assured me that he hadn't changed his mind. But I had a bit of a gut feeling.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00] The baby was born in July. And while we both have been involved in the necessary village like activities of having close friends that are new parents. I sensed him sort of pulling away from me. Texting less and less throughout the day. Missing at least one of our bi-weekly date nights per week. Once more, I tried to have a conversation with him. And explained in pretty uncertain terms that I was not going to change my mind about being child free.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_00] And advised him that if he was heading in that direction, he needed to tell me now. To avoid miscommunications and a messy breakup later. He said he had been thinking about talking to me about adoption later on down the line. We spoke about it briefly, but once my mind is made up, it's very hard to change.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_00] He had a few business trips lined up in October. So we decided to use that time to take a break, determine if we were still aligned and come back either having worked through it or deciding to break up once and for all. We ran to pretty fancy expensive apartment together and I stayed in it while he traveled. I'm a very pragmatic person. So I kind of saw that as the beginning of the end. Because a disagreement about whether or not to have children is not something a couple can compromise about in my opinion.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00] And while I knew I could probably be able to afford this place on my own, I wouldn't be able to keep up the kind of lifestyle I've been living. So I began putting feelings out for a new apartment. I told him that I was doing this, as we still spoke at least once a week during this break. And we even joked about how we were smart to have this relationship mess happen towards the end of the year when our lease is up. We broke up officially in late November and I reminded him that the lease on our current apartment was due to expire in December.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00] So he needed to decide if he was staying here. I thought that was unlikely because even though he makes a bit more than I do and it is his name on the lease, pretty much all the furniture and everything that made this our place was mine or finding somewhere new. He waffled a bit, said he wasn't sure, that he would make up his mind closer to the end of the year. We pretty much cut majority of contacts since the breakup,

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00] except for coordinating to pick up a few odds and ends that he needed at wherever he's living temporarily at the moment. It is now the 29th of December and here's where I think I might be the arsehole. I was able to find a gorgeous, decently sized, decently priced two bedroom apartment quite literally two weeks ago and have made arrangements to have my furniture moved tomorrow. I've been on the fence all today about calling him to remind him about the lease ending because as much as he's essentially moved the majority of his clothes out,

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_00] he still has a ton of electronics, memorabilia, comic books and action figures and general odds and ends in his office, which I have not touched because nothing in there belongs to me. My best friend who is currently drinking all my wine while we pack the last of my stuff thinks I should call him to remind him, just as a courtesy. But I think I've given him more than enough reminders leading up to today. And we're both adults here. I shouldn't have to remind him to come collect his things out of our apartment.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00] So Reddit, am I the arsehole here for essentially moving out without telling him and leaving what might be a bit of a mess with the landlord for him to deal with. Not sure if I'm going to get hate on this one because, you know, technically, OP doesn't have to do it, but it sounded like it was a pretty mature breakup by most standards, especially standards that we often read. It seems like they had an honest conversation about incompatibility and they took the planned break to figure things out and just ended things when they couldn't compromise on kids.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00] You know, that's pretty refreshing compared to most stories that we read. And yeah, OP's already told him multiple times about this, but I don't see like a reason to be petty in this situation for me. Like, I don't think OP would be wrong, but it's just like, you know, a quick text message just saying, hey, movers are coming. You know, just wanted to give you a final reminder to sort your stuff out and just be done with it. It almost feels like maybe just keep this respectful because why be petty at the very end? I don't know.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00] As I said, I might get some flack on this one, but the first commenter says on this one, you don't need to remind him, but and all my things are out and I left my key on the kitchen counter text is a courtesy you would give a roommate or landlord. Commenter replies saying, right, let alone someone I spent years with. Commenter replies to that saying, especially when they didn't break up for really horrible reasons. It sucks they weren't on the same page, but that does happen. It'd be one thing if the partner was abusive or cheated, but this is literally,

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00] we just want different things out of life stuff. In the time it took to write this, 750 word post, they could have sent a single text message and just moved on. It doesn't need to be a big deal. It's so true. Secret Sister Sarah says, you know, if he had cheated or tried to press you to have his babies or done something awful, I could totally see not saying anything. But it sounds like a reasonable, amicable breakup caused by changing goals for the future. It's not unheard of for someone to waffle about

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00] whether or not they want a family, especially men. I've always known I want to remain child free as a woman, but I've had a steady stream of exes who started out saying they never want kids who change their mind as soon as one of their friends or siblings has one. Anyway, I'd just send them a reminder text and leave it at that. And M Fruit Fly says, it's not the asshole. Seeing as it's his name on the lease, not being moved out is his problem, not yours. As long as there are no legal issues, you're in the clear. Now,

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00] what I would do is take a video of the place without your stuff for your own protection. I'd send him a text saying, you're all moved out, didn't touch his stuff, took a video to have a record and left the keys wherever. This kind of does remind him that his lease is up, but more so it covers your ass and gives a clean break. You were done. You did your part. And there was many comments along those lines. Lots of people saying, you know, a quick courtesy text is nothing. Just do that. Other people saying, you don't owe him shit. But,

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00] Opie did come in with an update five days later. And they said, hello all. I don't know if I'm doing this update thing correctly, but had posted to the sub to get some more feedback on a conversation I was having with a friend. And I hadn't intended to do anything other than go through the replies and make up my mind one way or the other. But I got a ton more replies than I expected. So, for anyone interested, I did end up texting him on Wednesday morning because the cleaners were coming in the afternoon and I wanted them to clean his space out too.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] Luckily, he had not forgotten, but apparently, he had been expecting me to pack up his office and let him know when to come collect his stuff. Lol. LMAO even. Anyway, I told him that I hadn't and he came to the house right away to get his things together. We had a really nice morning together despite that miscommunication and all is well. Thanks to everyone who commented on the original post and DM'd me their thoughts. The ultimate goal was to get the opinions from people who had distance from the situation

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00] and I achieved that. I can also acknowledge that I was a little bitter about the circumstances and that's what led to my hesitance to text him in the first place. But overall, I'm glad I did. Thank you for your time and I hope you're all having a wonderful day. Oh, dearie me. It did have me wondering after that. The expectation for OP to be packing up his things. The cheeky bastard. But what do you guys make of this one?

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from userneakcopy7062 from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and it says Am I the Arsehole for not buying my niece a concert ticket for Christmas. I need a quick judgment since there's still tickets available on the website. This was posted 22nd of December, by the way. So in addition to our regular presence, we've gotten our daughter a ticket

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00] to a concert happening on the 30th. I'm going too, primarily because I need to take her. But I also like that band's music and I want to go with her. It'd be a nice experience. Today, my sister-in-law, my husband's sister, called me and asked what we were doing on New Year's Eve. We're having a Christmas family dinner as it is. I said, I'm not sure. I'll probably be super tired from the drive back. The concert is on the 30th and we're staying there overnight before driving back and told her we'd gotten our daughter

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00] a surprise concert ticket. She seemed a bit disappointed and said her daughter would love to go too. Asked if tickets were available I said, I didn't know. Then she reiterated her daughter would have loved to go too. I hate saying it and please don't take this the wrong way, but my husband had his business and I'm a working professional too. And our daughter is an only child. So I understand the difference in spending constraints. Anyway, we hung up later and I felt terrible.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00] I looked it up and there are still tickets available. But also if I get her a ticket for her with the confirmation wrapped up like I'm doing for my daughter and give it to her to be opened at the dinner, my husband's brother's daughter would be the one feeling left out. So am I the asshole for not buying her a concert ticket? Edits to clarify I meant if I get my niece the ticket, I'd have to give it to her at dinner in front of my other niece. The gifts we're getting our daughter will be open by her on Christmas morning. Another edit saying, thought about it some more after reading the comments

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00] and I'm not going to do it. It just won't be the kind of experience I wanted us to have if I do. And I really do adore my nieces and it's not even really about the cost. I just want this to be me and her. Thank you for the help. Star Captain says, not the asshole. Your sister-in-law expecting you to buy her daughter a concert ticket out of nowhere is crazy. Seth says, and stay at a hotel and several meals. Plus daughter wouldn't even be able to sit with them. Does she really want her daughter to be sitting alone at a concert

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00] or two girls together alone and dad to take her the ticket? Historical says, not the asshole. Tell your sister-in-law if she ends up buying tickets for her and her daughter to let you know and you'd love to meet up at the concert. Then you aren't excluding anyone but you also aren't taking on any additional burden besides coordinating a meetup which again should be inside the concert. And absolutely not the asshole in this situation but I had a bit more of a cynical view from some of the other commenters on this.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not 100% sure if my timings actually line up but I'm going to say it anyway. Sister-in-law initially calling and asking about New Year's Eve made me think that she was just looking for a babysitter so she can go and do whatever she wants on New Year's. But then OP turned around and said they'd be exhausted and unavailable because of this concert and then sister-in-law was like aha! But you could take my daughter to the concert! And then gave this whole thing about how daughter would really love it

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_00] if she went with him etc. That was kind of my thinking on the moment anyway. But not 100% sure if I'm right there. Could be just that Reddit brain kicking in. But 12 days later OP comes in with an update and says thank you to everyone for the advice in my first post. I'm really glad for it. I didn't end up buying my niece the ticket. Like I said back then it wasn't about the cost as much as the experience that I wanted to have with my daughter. Like always we gave her a present on Christmas morning

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_00] including the ticket confirmation when it was just us. She was so happy that the two of us were doing this together. We did ask her not to talk about it at the family dinner to her cousins. Not because they're jealous people. No, I love them but they might feel a bit bad that they shouldn't have to on Christmas. She was fine with that and it was good thinking on our part because at dinner she was asked what presents she got and she didn't mention the concert. We had an amazing trip stopping along the way for food

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00] getting dressed screaming our throats out at the concert. When we got back we watched a cheesy guilty pleasure of mine from when I was young made in Manhattan. Please don't judge me. Missed our breakfast at the hotel. Checked out a minute before it was due and had dinner and lunch on the way back. I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences that I'm going to cherish forever. She's 15 and has grown into such a thoughtful young girl and just typing this is making me emotional.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00] We actually did meet up with the family on New Year's Eve for the fireworks. Her cousins were excited to know how the concert was because she posted it on her social media. I'd debated whether I should ask her not to but I went against it. It's not a dirty secret after all but maybe I could have suggested it. My sister-in-law said as a joke that she's the favorite child after all at which my husband was genuinely confused and said she's our only child. I don't know if my sister-in-law meant to make her pointed remark or it was just

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_00] a poorly delivered joke but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Thank you for the advice. I truly appreciate it. Commander says to AP glad this worked out. Sister-in-law was way out of line expecting you to include a kid in your family event and to foot the bill. Proud of you for not wavering under the unreasonable expectations. Chocolate Chip Wizard says you and your daughter handled the situation perfectly and your husband's response to your weird sister-in-law's comment was right on target. Well done

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_00] family unit. And one more comment from Damn It Gravity who was quoting about the sister's joke about she's the favorite child after all and said this is known as passive aggression. The sister-in-law is jealous that OP's kid gets all these awesome things and her kids don't. However sister-in-law also believes her kids are entitled to the same things OP's kids get and since she can't provide them OP and husband should. This is not the first nor will be the last time OP and husband have to deal with sister-in-law's passive aggressive

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00] bullshit and hints that oh my kid would love that. No really they'd love it more than your kid because your kid always gets special things but my kid always has to miss out. I mean it's not fair is it? My kids are suffering when you could easily make it happen for them. And many other commenters saying the exact same thing on that one whilst also congratulating on OP for sticking to their guns and having that amazingly special time with their daughter absolutely sounded lovely but what do you guys make of

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00] this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Our next story has a trigger warning on violent crime and aftermath related trauma and workplace harassment is from warypermission852 from the am I the arsehole here subreddit and it says am I the arsehole for slapping my boss for bringing up a past incident? Throwaway account. Some things have been brewing in my mind after a recent conflict

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00] in the workplace. I work as a senior researcher in an international laboratory which is privately funded and we carry out research on cancer treatments. So the issue started two weeks back due to my transfer from one department to another because of an opening up of a post in the new department. I was initially welcomed by my boss to the department and to my surprise he is only a year older than me and everything was very cordial. Two days after my joining he started introducing me to everyone and he let it slip in a

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00] conversation that I murdered a guy and crippled another. I was appalled but later asked him not to mention it to everyone but to my horror after that he made a point of always telling new people that I murdered someone. Three days back I got into a little argument with a co-worker over some record keeping. He comes between us and tells the other guy to apologize quickly to me or else I'll kill him. I get visibly angry at him but control my anger. Later I visit him and tell him that what he

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] said was not right. He said everything was to lighten the mood and not to let it get to me. Yesterday we had an inter-department dinner and he started telling other people that we have a new guy in our department and everyone is scared of him as he has killed a guy before. I lost my control due to that and I slapped him in front of everyone and shouted at him for spreading information about my private life. He left the party and the mood today at the workplace has been very sour. The HR department made him write an apology to

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_00] me and has also asked me do I want to transfer to a different department which I've accepted. About the murder When I was 25 I lived with my cousin's sister in Asia and was interning at a company there. Our company had Tuesday dinners between teams to develop team spirit so I returned late to her apartment around 1am. I saw her apartment door open and I could make out multiple voices in the apartment. I rushed inside the apartment and saw two guys beating her. One guy reacted to me entering the apartment

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_00] and tried to rush me so I striked him hard and fast and threw him outside the apartment which led to him slipping on the stairwell and fall two floors down breaking various bones in his body. As for the other guy he reacts to noise and attempts to stab me but I'm able to wrestle the knife out of his hand getting cut in multiple places in my arm and hit him with a judo throw. Unfortunately he lands on his neck and later as the police arrived he was declared dead. Luckily there was CCTV in the building corridors and it clearly showed them breaking and entering my

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00] sister's house. They were local hoodlums who had stalked my sister and thought they could rob her. I was not held guilty for the murder because of it being viable self-defense and had to leave the country as I was also not a citizen of the country. It has always been a traumatizing memory for me which even led me not to train martial arts for two years. So I usually don't tell anybody about this as it happened in a far away country. But due to my work at the lab full background checks are done so all department heads are informed of our backgrounds.

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_00] He must have gotten the information but not the full detail and he tried to do something which I'm not sure of. I also feel guilty of losing my call in public setting and embarrassing another person. So I'm conflicted. The first commenter says to OP, you didn't murder anyone. You defended your sister from attackers and one died as a result of choices he made. At worst you could call it justifiable homicide and self-defense. Not the arsehole. Your boss was and deserved to be slapped.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_00] OP replies saying I wish nobody has to ever experience what I've experienced but even though I remember the incident so clearly in reality everything that happened that night happened so fast that everything had ended even before it properly registered to me. Another commenter said not the arsehole but also maybe look into therapy for PTSD due to how traumatized you are from that event. OP says yes I underwent therapy for it and for the most part I don't think about that incident enough to hamper day-to-day life. I even started back martial arts which was

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00] something that initially I was unable to do post-incident but being constantly reminded of it over the course of a few days turned on the tap once again for the memories to flood in. Commenter says to OP self-defense of yourself and others isn't murder. You shouldn't have slapped the guy even though he deserved it. Dude needs to shut the fuck up. OP says yes not many people have been in a situation where they only have a few seconds to decide to either protect themselves and their loved ones or become victims to violent crime. Commenter says not the

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00] arsehole and how did he get the info? This is affecting your career. You may actually have legal case against him. Not the arsehole and tell everyone you work with that apparently all details from background checks are shared within the office and will become gossip fodder as boss cannot keep his mouth shut. Start calling him blabbermouth in front of everyone. OP says he is also a department head. Thus my boss. So as part of the protocol for the department heads to be aware of our backgrounds. We work long hours and sometimes without any

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_00] holidays so they have to be aware of everyone in the department. So OP does update after this and says one I've been transferred back to my old apartment with the post and designation of the current one. My old boss was more than willing to welcome me back and I'm happy to be back familiar faces. Two he has formally apologized and so do I have personally. Three I talked with my lawyer and we got in touch with him and his lawyer and none of us want to jeopardize our work by engaging in prolonged legal battles.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] Four the laboratory is offered as both of us two weeks paid leave. I'm thinking of accepting this so that the matter cools down. Five from an official perspective even though the HR department is on my side a disciplinary mark will be shown in both of our files and after the leave we will have to attend some compulsory seminars on workplace etiquette. Six the laboratory has also given it in writing that I and him will not be working on any projects together will not be on any panel together if in the future

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00] I'm selected for some higher post or some big research his review will not be considered in my case. Commander says to OP as others have said this story does not look real. One I know there are stupid people but I do not see why someone should jeopardize their career just to make jokes. Two HR offers you to move to a different department that seems wrong why should you move they should fire him. Three you slap the guy isn't that assault your manager can sue you and sue your company.

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_00] OP replies saying well I can't make you believe the authenticity of this incident over the internet but to answer your point I don't know about his motivations. He's around my age group and highly successful so maybe he had to deal with consequences. I am being moved back to my old department with the same post of my current one. My previous boss is more than willing to welcome me back and having worked majority of my career there will also be comfortable. Firstly yes you're partially right. People can see it as assault but we're not in the USA so the

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_00] connotations are not the same. Neither he nor I am interested in prolonged legal battles so none of us are pressing charges or anything. Also he is not my manager. He's a department head. Other commenter says to OP. This is a pretty one-sided judgment on HR's part. Not the arsehole. I agree with HR. About the incident. It does not matter. I trust the government to settle the score. Prior criminal conviction for a violent offense is cause to deny you a job. It is not cause to fire

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00] you once you're in it or to deny you promotion. Most of the time. If your employer is aware of it at the time it hired you. Your boss created a hostile work environment for a reason your job has already made a final decision is irrelevant to your job. That is unacceptable. Well okay I make sure it was a conviction and not an arrest. The what? Your boss engaged in defamation. I know not all places prohibit jobs from denying hire because of arrest history but the principle is even stronger here. The only reason I agree

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_00] with HR is because you slapped him. I think your boss should be fired. OP says it was something that had come up initially before I joined when they asked me about the incident and it was pretty clear that it is still a dramatic memory for me and I don't want it being brought up. It also made sure that nobody other than department heads will be privy to the information. So I'm thankful to them for not making it an issue for me. Now I get OP slapping someone is wrong but this new boss revealing this kind of information

[00:24:20] [SPEAKER_00] as a joke to people? How did he not get sacked on the end of this? Is it possibly the slap that actually saved him in this situation? Because that is absolutely wild and I know it depends country to country and all this kind of thing but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time and it always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'm going to

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_00] see you in the next one. Take care and much love.