I Left My Mother In Laws Birthday When My Husbands Ex Was There! | r/AITAH

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from nodrummer7092 from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit. And it says, Am I the Arsehole for leaving my mother-in-law's birthday party?

[00:00:30] I, 29 female and my husband, 31 male. Went to his mother's birthday party this weekend. My surprise, my husband's ex was also there. Some backstory. Me and my husband had been married for two years and together for three years. We met about one year after he broke up with his ex. And when we talked about our previous relationships and experiences, he told me I was his second relationship ever.

[00:00:53] He explained he dated his ex, who's also his twin sister's best friend from senior year of high school until they were 27 years old. They had a messy breakup. He proposed. She said no because she wanted to see the world and wasn't ready to settle down.

[00:01:09] Fast forward to this past weekend. We get to my parents-in-law's house and she is there. I didn't know who she was at first. Well, we started mingling. At some point, this woman I don't know comes up to us and she ignores me first and turns to my husband and says, Are you seriously keep on ignoring me? I was confused. My husband looks at me and introduces us like,

[00:01:30] S, this is my wife, M. Baby, this is S, my ex. Before I could say anything, she hugs my husband and to his credit, he steps back and pulls me to stay in the middle of them. At this point, I have a lot of questions for my husband but decided to table it until we get home. The festivities keep on going. After my mother-in-law blew the candles, my father-in-law, husband and sister-in-law all give speeches for mother-in-law. Come sister-in-law's speech, she starts with,

[00:02:00] My mother must be excited to have her true daughter-in-law back in the fold. Welcome back, S. At this point, everyone is looking between me and S. I'm visibly uncomfortable. My husband asks if I want to leave, to which I say no. Didn't want to cause a scene. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and my mother-in-law follows me inside. She apologizes for her daughter's behavior and tells me not to worry about S because her son has been happier and she can see that we love each other.

[00:02:30] I thank her and go outside, where I'm met with my sister-in-law screaming, Kiss, kiss, my husband telling her to stop and S grabbing his arm. At this point, I'm starting to see red. On my way to them, S grabs my husband and plants a kiss on his lips and he just stands there. I turn around, grab my things and walk out. I was just extremely frustrated. I had to spend all day with two people who clearly have no respect for me or my relationship. I called an Uber and just went home.

[00:02:59] About two minutes in, on my drive home, my husband texts me asking where I am. He doesn't give me time to reply and calls. I declined and texted him, I was on my way home. He kept calling until I just turned it off. Got home and about 15 minutes later, so did my husband. He asked me why I left and I lost it. I told him the blatant disrespect from his ex and sister. His ex constantly flirting with him and the cherry on top, his ex kissing him.

[00:03:26] He apologized and I just asked him, do you still have feelings for her? To which he vowed he didn't and he was just caught by surprise and didn't act fast enough and he should have been more direct than stopping his sister and ex. I told him I had a headache and was going to bed. He asked if I was mad and I told him yes. I'm mad at the situation and disappointed in how he handled things. The party was Saturday. Sunday, I started getting bombarded with texts from his sister telling me I'm a drama queen,

[00:03:54] that I had no right to ruin a mother's birthday party, that my attitude is why my husband will leave me and go back to S. I gave the phone to my husband and told him he either handles his sister or I will. So am I the arsehole here for just leaving? In the comments, Manic says not the arsehole but sounds like your husband was put in a really sticky situation and tried to handle it well. He ignored her at first, he introduced you as babe when he pulled away from the hug, he offered to leave with you.

[00:04:23] He tried to shut down his sister with the kiss thing but his ex kissed him non-consensually. You definitely have a right to be upset with sister-in-law and S and maybe with mother-in-law for not telling sister-in-law to stop but it sounds like your husband was on your team, at least from what I can tell. Raptor says not the arsehole and your sister-in-law set this up so the anger should go there and to the ex. But your husband did block the ex with you physically and asked if you wanted to leave.

[00:04:50] Honestly in that situation I would have left and not run the risk of whatever else was being planned to cause problems. Another commenter says, I don't think you're a complete arsehole but this is not about you and you need to be supportive to your husband. Your husband was sexually harassed and a kiss he didn't consent to is a form of assault. All that happened to you was some disrespect and rudeness but your husband's personal space and consent was violated. He needs your support. It sounds like your mother-in-law did not agree with what was happening so there was no need for

[00:05:20] you to walk out without your husband. You should have left together. He didn't kiss his ex willingly. She assaulted him. There are enough people in the world who don't take assault and harassment against men seriously. Don't be another one. Block your sister-in-law. You don't need to hear from her yourself but your insecurity is not helping your husband process what happened to him at a night that was supposed to be fun and celebrating his mother. Lori Bear says not the arsehole. Since your mother-in-law followed you and apologized for her daughter and S,

[00:05:49] maybe she can help you and your husband put this to bed. Maybe text her and ask if you leaving a birthday party early ruined the party. If she says no then tell her your sister-in-law thinks so. Hopefully your mother-in-law tell her and S off for disrespecting your marriage. I think for now limiting your contact with your sister-in-law until she can learn to be respectful. And one more commenter who says your husband was assaulted. You have the right to be upset but who has the right to be more upset? Him.

[00:06:20] Because he was assaulted and instead of protecting out of comforting him his wife stranded him there with his assaulter. You owe him a massive apology. And then you both need to work together to decide how to handle his family going forward and actually support your spouse for fuck's sake. He's probably hurt by all of you right now. You're the arsehole. Yeah and I'm with those comments. He was assaulted in that situation. And he was ambushed at the very beginning from his sister and the ex.

[00:06:49] And I think he did come up with options. Like he stepped back at one point. He asked if she wanted to leave when things got uncomfortable. And then himself was assaulted and left in that position by himself. You know it. Obviously I didn't know the full ins and outs of his character etc etc. But I think if I was in that position I'd be incredibly confused on what to do. And I think it can be too easy to say you know he should have dealt with that in this way that way. But some people shut down. Some people freeze.

[00:07:18] Some people try to keep the peace. I don't think that makes him a bad person at all. He's just human. And trying to deal with being assaulted in that moment. But OP did come back in to update the post and says hi everyone. Well I asked my husband if we could talk before we had dinner. He said of course. I started by apologizing for not having his back. As most of you pointed out he was sexually harassed by his ex. No buts. I just told him I was extremely sorry. I was only seeing it from my point because honestly even though he never gave me reasons.

[00:07:47] I felt insecure. And thought that maybe he still had feelings for his ex consumed me. His sister was never this openly hostile to me. So in my head I made up a bunch of scenarios. That maybe she was like that because she knew something I didn't. But that was on me. Not him. Only on me. I told him I left because honestly I was pissed. But mainly I was scared. Scared of losing him and what we have. But I see my actions could have been the reason I lose him. Not anyone else or their actions.

[00:08:17] He told me that at the time the kiss happened he froze because he honestly didn't believe she would go that far. He explained after I left that he went off on both his sister and ex and his mum told everyone it was time to leave. I once again apologised and he told me that it did hurt that I just left him there. It wasn't so much for the kiss itself but the fact that I would doubt him so easily. He said since on Sunday we were dancing around each other and not really talking.

[00:08:43] He called his mum just for advice and that his mum told him while she understood his side she also understood mine. That we're both adults and should just sit down and address our concerns with each other. She also texted me saying marriage is not for the fainted heart. It's not all roses and sunshines. The best you can do is communicate and trust in each other. I called my mother-in-law and apologised for leaving like I did and in no way I wanted to ruin her party.

[00:09:09] She told me I didn't but that I need to trust my husband if I want this marriage to work. I told her about the messages my sister-in-law is sending and she said she talked with her and sister-in-law told my mother-in-law that my husband had been texting S saying he's unhappy with me and was only with me until S was ready for something more. My mother-in-law told her that doesn't make any sense because if he was waiting for S he could have dated me. But S wouldn't have married me and if she thought otherwise she doesn't know her own brother.

[00:09:39] Well I blocked her. My husband called her and told her he doesn't want to see or hear from her from the time being and blocked her as well. We told his parents and they told us not to worry about her. That she will come to her senses soon and if she doesn't that's on her. So Opie comes in with a second update and says thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. Here I thought blocking my sister-in-law was going to give me some peace. Well I thought wrong. She came up to my house today with S demanding I hear them out.

[00:10:09] I opened the door and she tried to push past me to get in and I just told her they could say whatever they wanted from where they were standing. Well S started with a sappy story that she didn't want to hurt me but as a woman herself she couldn't live with the guilt of sleeping with my husband and sneaking behind my back. I was speechless but I learned my lesson and didn't for a second doubt my husband. As my mama always said, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

[00:10:37] So I was like you know what get in. My husband wasn't home. He went to the gym with a friend. I called him and told him that his sister was at our house with S and that I invited them in and we were waiting for him. S tried to show me the proof. I just told her she could show me in a bit when my husband got home. She tried to tell me he would deny it and I should just listen to her. I told her I made that mistake last week and let you two harass my husband.

[00:11:03] What better way to put everything on the table than having all parties involved talk and share everything together? Well my husband gets home. His gym is closed so it took him about five minutes to get home. Let me tell you, S came up with a fucking sob story telling my husband it was better to come clean and sister-in-law just saying she would always back S and my husband. She showed me the text and my husband had enough and asked to text a number and gave me his phone. She was like that's not necessary.

[00:11:32] I was like better yet call the number on the message thread. She got up and took sister-in-law with her. My husband is currently on the phone with his mom telling her what happened while I type this update here. Well, I think they figure out they can't get their way and if anything else happens, I'll update you guys. I definitely don't think that's the end of that drama for OP or the husband. People like this with this kind of crazy behavior never back down to escalates to a point of police

[00:12:00] involvement or something along those lines. I mean look to the levels they're willing to go to at this moment in time. Absolutely insane level shit. However, I have to say there was something in that update the second update that rubbed me the wrong way. You know OP admitted that her husband was assaulted by this person in the very first post. So when this person turns up OP was inviting them both into their home without husband there

[00:12:30] and then telling husband to come back so they can all confront him together. I mean, come on now. They should have just been turned away at the door. Simple as. There was no need to go any further with this. You can tell what these people are like. But a commenter says to OP on the back of this, where is the information getting scrambled? I think that X caught a jealous bug once she got married and lied to the sister-in-law to use her as a lever to cause chaos. The goal being to cause a fight. Break up the marriage or get back together.

[00:13:00] X was proposed to. They thought some other plan would happen, but now it has been years and no one is wanting to be with them long term. Meanwhile, the one who proposed is married to someone else. It's competitive relationship syndrome. In her mind, she could no longer say no and he'd be single forever. Or at least a second option if she didn't find something better. Mother-in-law is trying to be reasonable in the middle of a circus. Left Kangaroo replies to that saying, I agree.

[00:13:29] OP's husband was her backup plan and now she's jealous and wants what she can't have. Sister-in-law can eat rocks, regardless of what she had been told about texts, which was obviously a lie. Her behavior was not how she should have supported her BFF or her brother. Not to mention that there is a time and place for everything and her mother's birthday party was not it. Mother-in-law handled it with grace and I'm glad OP and DH spoke like calm, rational adults and worked things out. Fragrant quoted this,

[00:13:59] Scared of losing him and what we have, but I see my actions could be the reason I lose him, not anyone else or their actions. And then says, This is an insight most if not all people miss. Their own actions bring it around the outcome they most fear. And one final comment that says, It is honestly refreshing to see a mother-in-law step in with actual sense and support. She is backing the right people here. That sister is something else entirely. What she did was vile and shows a real pattern of manipulation and control.

[00:14:27] People do not suddenly wake up one day and decide to behave that horribly in public. That kind of behavior grows over years and it usually comes with a long history of jealousy, boundary stomping and emotional chaos. You do not need someone like that anywhere near your life as a couple. I am also really glad you have recognized that your husband was assaulted. Anyone can freeze. I have frozen in situations like that when I was younger and it is terrifying. Your empathy matters here and it shows you care about his experience.

[00:14:56] At the same time, my heart goes out to you. Fear of losing someone you love can twist your thinking and you owned your part in that. That is not easy to do. It sounds like you and your husband actually handled the hard conversation with honesty and you both listened. That is real work. Your mother-in-law was correct that marriage is not for the faint of hearts. I celebrate my 27th anniversary next month and wow, the mountains and battles we had to climb and fight together. But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[00:15:26] You are both doing a lot right. I know the go-to on Reddit is to say therapy. And if things feel stable and supportive, then you do not need therapy just to get a gold star. You might want to consider it though. A couple's therapist can help you both guard your relationship against outside toxicity. An individual therapist can help your husband process the assault and the long history of his sister's behavior. People who behave like she did do not usually confine their issues to one moment

[00:15:52] and a therapist can help him understand that pattern without blaming himself. I've had both individual and couples therapy off and on through most of my almost three decades of marriage. And it's been vital to maintaining a happy and healthy home and relationship. I truly hope everything keeps moving in the right direction for the both of you. Please keep us updated. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:16:22] And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from BackgroundStill3371 from the Advice subreddit. It says, I, 25 male, roommate, 21 female, tried to kiss me while drunk. I rejected her to not take advantage. Now she's avoiding me and is embarrassed. Should I reach out? I, 25 male, have been living in a student dorm with four other people for almost a year.

[00:16:50] We all share a kitchen and common areas. One of the roommates is a 21 female. I've always gone along pretty well. Friendly, normal roommate vibes. Nothing flirty from either side. Or so I thought. Last weekend, I was eating dinner alone on the couch in the living room. She came in clearly quite drunk slash high on alcohol. Sat right next to me. And we started chatting about random stuff. Out of nowhere, she leaned in and tried to kiss me. She was really unsteady and her eyes were glassy.

[00:17:20] So my immediate thought was, She's way too drunk for this to be a real decision. And if anything happened, it would look like I took advantage of her. So I kind of froze. Gently moved away, said something awkward like, Hey, you've had a lot to drink. And excuse myself to the kitchen. I figured she'd wake up the next day, barely remember it, and everything would go back to normal. It didn't. Since that night, she's completely avoided me. Won't make eye contact. Leaves the room if I enter.

[00:17:47] Skip our usual group snack nights three days in a row. Which she never does. One of our other roommates pulled me aside and said, She's mortified and embarrassed and doesn't know how to face me after throwing herself at me while wasted. I genuinely don't think less of her at all. I rejected her in the moment because I was trying to be respectful. Not because I'm disgusted or uninterested. I actually do find her attractive, but that's besides the point right now.

[00:18:13] I just don't want her to feel ashamed every time she sees me for the rest of the year we're living together. My question is, should I reach out and try to clear the air? If yes, what do I even say so it doesn't make things more awkward or put pressure on her? Or is it better to just pretend nothing happened and let her come around on her own? I don't want to make her feel worse, but the current silent treatment is painful for both of us. And the vibe in the flat is off.

[00:18:39] I think personally, OP's already got the solution, you know, just talking to her one-on-one and saying exactly what you said. You genuinely don't think anything less of her at all. And you only rejected her at that moment because he was trying to be respectful. And hey, why not add in? I like you too, actually. But I can totally see why you did that in that exact moment. Brief Temperature says definitely talk it out in private. They've already perfectly described what it was and that you didn't reject her, but the state she was in.

[00:19:07] Of course, if you think there is mutual attraction there, there's a course of action to consider. OP says, I can see she is attracted to me and even I am attracted to her. Maybe we would have kissed back if she was in a steady state. But I really want to tell her now that I have a crush on her. But she isn't facing me or even not replying when I wish her good morning or hello. Don't know what to do. I'll write a text to her telling I want to talk to her in private. Sprim says, yeah man, she's basically hiding because she's mortified. Not because she hates you.

[00:19:37] A simple, low pressure, hey, we're cool. You didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't want to take advantage. Goes a long way. Keep it light, keep it short and let her take it from there so it doesn't feel like you're cornering her. OP updated the post. It says, some of you asked for an update. So yeah, here we go. I, 25 male, have given the link to the original post for others. Took everyone's advice and just sent her, 21 female, a symbol text yesterday. Hey, everything's totally fine from my side.

[00:20:07] No weirdness at all. Can we talk for a minute whenever you're free? Five minutes later, a knock on my door. She looked super nervous. Immediately started apologizing for basically throwing herself at me while hammered. I just laughed a little and told her it really wasn't a big deal. And I only stopped it because she was way too drunk and I didn't want things to be messy and wanted neither of us to regret it later. Then I took a deep breath and said, I actually really like her and have for months.

[00:20:35] She went quiet for like three to four seconds, got this huge smile and said, wait, really? Then basically launched at me for the longest hug ever. Told me she likes me too. And I gave her a kiss on her head and asked her out. So we're going out for dinner plus drinks on Saturday. She already promised no blacking out and we'll try it out sober this time. Honestly feel like I'm floating. Thanks to everyone who told me to stop overthinking and just text her.

[00:21:03] You guys have saved me from months of awkward hallway dodging. And the top commenter on this one says, good on you for turning her down while drunk and doing it the right way. You're a good lad. And it's one of those posts that you just shut Reddit down on. That's it for the night kind of thing. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today,

[00:21:30] getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Let's go. Stretch my legs. Eat some. Brush my.

[00:21:59] I can smell the smoke from the bacon. See the sun shining from the windows. Okay.