I Just Discovered My Father And Brothers Plotted To Ruin My Marriage r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation.

[00:00:07] They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said,

[00:00:13] What the f**k are you talking about? You insane Hollywood a**hole!

[00:00:16] So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month.

[00:00:22] Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

[00:00:30] Hey, hey, Waffle Gang. I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

[00:00:42] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:47] Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now, today's first story comes from Hunter Winter 456 from the true of my chess subreddit and says,

[00:00:58] I've only just realized that I let the men I call my family and friends ruin my marriage.

[00:01:05] I've been divorced for almost two years. A few weeks ago, my father, 67 male, my two brothers, 37 male and 40 male,

[00:01:13] and four friends, 35 male, 37 male, 38 and 41 male, were very drunk, joked about how they can't believe I left my wife.

[00:01:23] They said that they all tried to get with her since the divorce, but she had repeatedly rejected them,

[00:01:29] saying it would be inappropriate and unkind to do such a thing to me.

[00:01:33] I laughed at what they were saying just to ease them into saying more.

[00:01:37] And once they thought I found it funny, they really opened up.

[00:01:41] They had all purposely made me feel paranoid about my ex-wife cheating on me and using me because

[00:01:47] why would a woman like her be with a man like me if it wasn't for the money I made?

[00:01:52] They often hinted at or sometimes even directly said that she wore the pants in the relationship

[00:01:58] and that she was only with me because I'm easily manipulated.

[00:02:02] They constantly planted negative things into my mind.

[00:02:06] If I went to talk with them about something happening in my relationship, they would put a negative twist to it

[00:02:11] or they'd purposely give me bad advice.

[00:02:14] Then when I lost my job during COVID, they all hinted at how she's definitely cheating now

[00:02:19] now that there's no financial benefit in being faithful to me.

[00:02:23] I obviously trusted them and often took their words to heart and it ruined my marriage.

[00:02:29] I frequently argued with my wife and I was always accusing her of something or suspecting her of not really loving me.

[00:02:37] I questioned everything that was between us.

[00:02:40] I often told her bullshit things like how I'm a high value man and she needed to appreciate me.

[00:02:45] When I was not working for six months, I flipped the script and started accusing her of not respecting me for not working.

[00:02:52] I was unappreciative of all the hard work and for being the one who took care of our household bills

[00:02:58] and any other bill during those six months of unemployment.

[00:03:01] I continued to let their words drive me into paranoia and I started accusing her of cheating with her coworkers.

[00:03:08] Eventually my wife had enough of my moods, constant mistrust and accusations.

[00:03:14] She left me and to be honest for a long time it felt like it came out of nowhere

[00:03:18] and so I had myself convinced she left me for another man.

[00:03:22] Now here I am knowing that every man I've called my family, my friends,

[00:03:27] were all my enemies who I let destroy my marriage.

[00:03:30] I obviously lost my mind once they were done telling me all the ways they conspired to ruin my marriage

[00:03:35] and we did get to blows.

[00:03:37] I've cut off all contact with each and every one of them.

[00:03:40] I want to reach out to my ex and make amends and hopefully get her back.

[00:03:44] My ex-wife has agreed to meet up with me and she doesn't know exactly what I want to discuss with her

[00:03:49] and I don't know how to go about making amends and hopefully mending our relationship.

[00:03:54] How do I tell her how much I regret everything and how I want her to give me a second chance?

[00:03:59] Is there even a chance for us?

[00:04:02] Edit.

[00:04:03] Some of you all keep saying you took the words of your friends and of your wife's

[00:04:07] and I don't think that's fair or a complete assessment.

[00:04:10] I trusted my father and brothers.

[00:04:13] My father was the main driving force behind this manipulation campaign

[00:04:17] and it's not often that your entire family is conspiring against you

[00:04:20] and not only your family but also your friends.

[00:04:24] I'm not running away from accepting the fact that this is wholly my fault in how my marriage ended.

[00:04:30] I take ownership of that.

[00:04:32] I take ownership of the fact that I accuse my wife of being a cheater or a user.

[00:04:36] I regret it all.

[00:04:38] If my ex-wife doesn't accept my apology, I would accept it gracefully.

[00:04:42] If she said she never wanted to talk to me or ever get back together, I'd also accept it.

[00:04:47] I would not stand in the way and I would not try to change her mind.

[00:04:51] I would wish her well and leave her be.

[00:04:54] So there was a couple of comments with OP's response.

[00:04:57] A so fun statistician says,

[00:04:59] Well, they certainly know you're easy to manipulate don't they?

[00:05:02] I'm glad you cut these people off and I would also make a concerted effort to hear your ex out.

[00:05:07] I don't know if she'll ever forgive you but at least give her closure if that's what she needs.

[00:05:13] OP says as much as it hurts to read this and to see myself as a person, it is true.

[00:05:19] I trusted these men.

[00:05:21] I especially trusted my father and brothers.

[00:05:23] I never thought my own family would be plotting to ruin my marriage and get with my wife.

[00:05:28] I absolutely won't get in the way of her unburdening herself.

[00:05:32] I can only hope she can find a way to forgive me and to possibly try to get back together but I'm not holding my breath.

[00:05:39] I'd respect their wishes even if that means she'll never forgive me.

[00:05:43] Jess says,

[00:05:44] So are you telling me that your dad and brothers also tried to get with your wife?

[00:05:48] OP says,

[00:05:49] I didn't include the violence that broke out once heard it all because I didn't want to get my post banned.

[00:05:55] Blood was absolutely spilled and of course I had my ass beat because it was 7 against 1.

[00:06:01] But I did do damage and an ambulance and the police were called.

[00:06:04] None of us pressed charges against each other and left it at that.

[00:06:08] Honestly, I'm still raging and I've been heartbroken since.

[00:06:13] I think for me in this situation I'm just gonna have to put myself in like your wife's shoes and how I think I may feel about that.

[00:06:20] And I don't think I'd be able to forgive you for it.

[00:06:23] However, again from my point of view and you know this is very much a personal thing.

[00:06:28] I'm always someone that likes sort of closure and likes to hear what was going through their mind at the time.

[00:06:34] So I think if I was the wife again this is just from my point of view.

[00:06:38] I would like to hear out what OP had to say.

[00:06:41] I don't think there'd be any forgiveness on the back of that because of everything that's gone on.

[00:06:45] But just to get that kind of closure.

[00:06:48] But OP updated the post and says on Sunday I got to meet up with my ex-wife.

[00:06:54] I apologized profusely and she was kind and understanding but said she couldn't and wouldn't forgive me.

[00:07:01] She said that it simply isn't in her nature to forgive and that despite it all she holds no grudges or anger against me

[00:07:07] and wishes me nothing but goodness in my life.

[00:07:10] She did give me some advice and told me that I have been in an abusive relationship all my life

[00:07:15] and that in order to heal whatever is broken in me

[00:07:18] I should cut out my father as he sets the tone for my treatment by the rest of my family.

[00:07:23] She has pointed out the many ways my father has hurt me or encouraged my family to mistreat me.

[00:07:29] She said I'd always be stagnated and unhappy if I continued to associate myself with my family and former friends.

[00:07:36] I told her that I cut them out of my life and that I've got my first therapy scheduled in a few days.

[00:07:42] She said that she was proud of me for taking my first step into healing.

[00:07:46] Our conversation was heartfelt and emotionally devastating as we discussed the many ways our marriage had failed

[00:07:52] as well as the abuse I've experienced by my father and family.

[00:07:56] We cried the entire time. We cried a lot.

[00:08:00] We ended our conversation with a long hug and then we said our goodbyes.

[00:08:04] An OP's final comment on this was forgiveness is earned through changed behavior and recognition of your harm

[00:08:11] that it isn't guaranteed or something you deserve.

[00:08:14] Some things shouldn't be forgiven. That doesn't mean it eats away at the person or that it somehow holds them back.

[00:08:20] So I agree with her when she said that you don't need to forgive in order to heal or gain emotional maturity

[00:08:26] and sometimes forgiveness is not even an option.

[00:08:29] For her, this is one of those things that simply can't and won't forgive and all I can do is accept it

[00:08:36] as much as I'd like her forgiveness. This is simply not available to me and that's perfectly fine.

[00:08:42] And for me to be honest, I couldn't have really seen this ending in any other way

[00:08:48] and there is some positives in there that OP is seeking therapy

[00:08:52] that OP has cut their father out of their life like that

[00:08:56] because clearly the ex could see what was going on at the same time. She pointed out OP's mistreatment, OP's abuse that they suffered

[00:09:04] so it's good for OP at the same time although and I'm not making excuses for the way that he treated his wife

[00:09:11] because it's absolutely wrong 100% it must be difficult when you've got

[00:09:16] the people that you trust around you feeding you this bullshit

[00:09:20] Again, no excuses for the behavior because it was totally wrong and I don't blame the wife one bit for getting out of that situation at the same time

[00:09:28] but I'm glad that OP also got themselves out of that situation from those people

[00:09:34] it must be devastating to realize the people that you really trusted have fucked you over

[00:09:40] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:46] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story

[00:09:52] And our next story comes from a royal mess from the Relationship Advice subreddit

[00:09:58] saying I36female found out that my husband 38 male has a Camilla, 42 female

[00:10:06] Interesting. I've been married to my husband for two years now

[00:10:10] It's a first marriage for both of us. His family has been very good to me

[00:10:14] He immediately accepted me, welcomed me in, started including me in family events

[00:10:20] really made it not even a second thought to say yes when he proposed after a year of us being together

[00:10:26] I noticed on social media that there are always likes from a teenage boy on post that he puts up about me

[00:10:31] I thought it was a bit weird that he's friends with a teenager

[00:10:34] so I looked through the photos I could see on his profile

[00:10:37] There are a few with my husband from about eight to ten years ago as well as another woman

[00:10:43] When I asked my husband, he said that the boy is his ex-girlfriend's son

[00:10:48] He explained that they were very serious but that she had ended up getting married to someone else

[00:10:53] This seemed odd to me so I asked my mother-in-law about her the next time I saw her

[00:10:58] My mother-in-law rolled her eyes and said don't even mention Val

[00:11:03] I'm so glad that you came along because that girl was so bad for him

[00:11:07] She was unemployed, a single mother and just very trashy

[00:11:12] He would never have accepted her. I am very successful career-wise and well established

[00:11:17] My family is very prominent in the community as well regarded

[00:11:21] The more I thought about it, the more it really felt like my background had more to do with things than anything

[00:11:27] I asked my husband about Val again and asked if he would have married her if not for his family

[00:11:33] He said that one of the biggest reasons he chose someone else was because his family refused to accept her

[00:11:39] When I asked what was different about me, he responded

[00:11:43] She was Camilla and you are Diana

[00:11:46] I asked him if that meant he would marry her if anything happened to me

[00:11:50] He shook his head, laughed and said I was being ridiculous and that he didn't think like that

[00:11:56] I told him I wanted him to remove and block his ex and her son from social media immediately

[00:12:01] And to stop communicating with them

[00:12:03] He told me that he has a cordial relationship with both of them

[00:12:07] And that he doesn't feel it's fair for me to ask him to cut them out

[00:12:11] Is there a good way for me to deal with this knowledge?

[00:12:14] I'm losing sleep over the fact that I feel like a placeholder that is there to please his family

[00:12:19] And that he would go back to her once his parents are gone

[00:12:22] I'm starting to doubt every interaction I ever had with him

[00:12:25] When I bring it up to him, he gets upset and tells me to stop dwelling on his past

[00:12:30] I wish I'd never known this because I feel like all of my happiness has been drained

[00:12:35] Is there a good way to approach this?

[00:12:58] Quality sleep is essential. That's why the Sleep Number Smart Bed is designed for your ever-evolving sleep needs

[00:13:17] Need a bed that's firmer or softer on either side?

[00:13:20] Helps you sleep at a comfortable temperature?

[00:13:22] Sleep Number Smart Beds let you individualize your comfort

[00:13:26] So you sleep better together

[00:13:28] JD Power ranks Sleep Number Number 1 in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in-store

[00:13:34] And now save 40% on the Sleep Number Limited Edition Smart Bed for a limited time

[00:13:39] For JD Power 2023 award information, visit JDPower.com slash awards

[00:13:46] Only at Sleep Number Stores or Sleep Number.com

[00:13:49] In the comments, Panda Enthusiast comes in straightaways as considering Charles cheated on Diana with Camilla

[00:13:57] That was quite possibly the worst analogy he could have made

[00:14:01] Knitting Fairy says tell him his analogy made things 1,000 times worse as Diana was obviously nothing to Charles

[00:14:07] But someone his family would accept

[00:14:10] But who he personally didn't care about

[00:14:12] As a result of said atrocious analogy

[00:14:15] You've lost a lot of faith in the strength of your relationship and if he wants this marriage to work

[00:14:19] You will at least have to remove them from his socials for now

[00:14:22] And attend marriage counseling with you

[00:14:26] Winter Front says yeah, this would be a relationship ending for me

[00:14:30] But he basically said he's only with you because you are what his family approves of

[00:14:34] And he would have rather been with her

[00:14:36] That's why she is still in his life, like Camilla

[00:14:40] Also Charles was still sleeping with Camilla

[00:14:43] Honey, you need to walk away

[00:14:45] He's either already cheating on you or within the future

[00:14:48] Either way, you are what his family wants not him

[00:14:51] One final comment from One Possibility says purely based on him making the Camilla reference

[00:14:56] That would be the end for me

[00:14:58] Demanding that he unfriend and block themselves nothing

[00:15:01] He still exists, he still said what he said and feels how he feels

[00:15:05] The ball is now in your court

[00:15:07] Are you willing to stay in a relationship with someone who is not all in love with you?

[00:15:12] Are you willing to stay with someone who is verbalised that he is with you because of an obligation not romantic love?

[00:15:18] What do you want for yourself?

[00:15:20] If he can't give you what he doesn't want and you're not willing to settle, you know what to do

[00:15:25] Someone did ask Opie, they said like, you know, how long ago did they break up?

[00:15:30] Because it sounds like he caved into family pressure

[00:15:32] Opie says they broke up nine years ago

[00:15:35] She dated someone else, married him and has since divorced

[00:15:39] From what I understand she started seeing this other person because he wouldn't commit to her

[00:15:43] The Opie comes in with her update three weeks later and says

[00:15:46] Thank you to everyone who responded to my previous post

[00:15:49] A lot has gone down since I posted and not much of it has been good to be honest

[00:15:53] I'm starting to wish that I'd let well enough alone, but I guess I'm stuck now

[00:15:58] So I sat down with my husband and told him this whole vowel thing was really bothering me

[00:16:03] But I'd never heard a name before for someone he held in such high regard

[00:16:07] He explained that she had cheated on him and had married the guy she cheated with

[00:16:12] They stopped speaking for a while but they started being cordial again

[00:16:15] And she was having problems in her marriage and through a divorce

[00:16:19] He swears on his life that there's only friendship there

[00:16:22] That he can't ever forgive her

[00:16:24] And that he has no interest in her romantically anymore

[00:16:27] We share location history on our phones and have cameras on in our house

[00:16:31] So I know he's not lying about seeing her

[00:16:34] My husband was my first in a lot of ways

[00:16:37] Everything except my first kiss

[00:16:39] So I tend to be a bit more jealous than others

[00:16:41] My husband has more of a past and it makes me very uncomfortable

[00:16:45] Even though I know it's a reality that I have to accept

[00:16:48] I'm also diagnosed on the autism spectrum

[00:16:50] So I tend to be a bit socially awkward and miss certain cues

[00:16:53] Which has caused me not to really have a close relationship up until him

[00:16:57] I was over at my parents house telling my mother about vowel

[00:17:00] She kept telling me not to worry that everyone has a past

[00:17:04] And that he obviously chose me

[00:17:06] Little background, my father is a girl dad

[00:17:09] I'm the third of four girls

[00:17:11] He's been my protector my whole life

[00:17:13] And he will go after anyone that hurts me

[00:17:15] Dad overheard mom and me and came into the kitchen

[00:17:18] Are you serious right now?

[00:17:20] He's talking to Val again

[00:17:22] I'm going to keep him

[00:17:25] I asked my father how he knew about vowel

[00:17:28] I looked at my mother and she was looking at him with a horrified look

[00:17:31] He said he overheard us

[00:17:33] And it's not right for him to talk to other women

[00:17:35] They tried to talk around it but I demanded an answer

[00:17:38] And they finally relented

[00:17:40] My mother admitted that they had arranged my marriage

[00:17:43] We've been seeing each other for a month and I met his parents

[00:17:47] Shortly after his mother called mine explained about vowel

[00:17:51] How we're afraid he would go back to her

[00:17:53] And how they wanted to do everything they could to make sure that their son married the right girl

[00:17:58] I asked my mother why she agreed

[00:18:00] And she admitted that they were afraid I was gay

[00:18:03] And that I wouldn't ever have children

[00:18:05] She said that's why my husband was immediately invited to every holiday

[00:18:09] That's why he was introduced to multiple relatives in a very short time

[00:18:13] That's why they referred to him as family before he proposed

[00:18:17] They were trying to set the tone in my mind

[00:18:20] My head was spinning

[00:18:22] I told them I had to go and I couldn't talk to them anymore

[00:18:25] I drove home and felt like I couldn't breathe

[00:18:28] I walked into our house and told my husband everything

[00:18:32] He laughed, he actually laughed

[00:18:35] He told me that he figured it out a while ago and thought I had too

[00:18:39] He told me that his parents paid for me to go on vacation with them

[00:18:43] They made a point of getting everyone in the family to share how much they liked me

[00:18:47] They gave him extra gift certificates to take me out to dinners and other events

[00:18:51] His mother cleaned his apartment and did all of his laundry while he was at work

[00:18:55] So his nights and weekends were free for me

[00:18:58] When he said he was going to save the money for a ring, they gave it to him

[00:19:02] And they kept telling him what a good match I was for him

[00:19:05] He asked his parents while we were engaged if it had been the plan to keep him away from Val

[00:19:10] And his mother admitted that it had been

[00:19:13] He told me that he fell in love with me while we were together

[00:19:16] What he feels for me is real and that he loves the life that we have together

[00:19:20] He said it doesn't matter how it started because what we have is strong and real

[00:19:24] I don't know how I'd feel

[00:19:26] I can't even talk to anyone because apparently I'm the only person who didn't know this happened

[00:19:31] I feel like such an idiot

[00:19:33] I'm furious with those parents for doing this

[00:19:36] Furious with mine for going along with it

[00:19:38] And hurt that he didn't tell me the truth once he figured it out

[00:19:42] I don't know if I want a divorce

[00:19:44] My husband has been trying to be very supportive of me

[00:19:47] I've told him I don't feel like talking

[00:19:50] He keeps asking me if he can get me anything and asking me little questions to try and get me to talk

[00:19:55] But I can't even get my feelings straight right now

[00:19:58] I feel betrayed by every person who is supposed to care about me

[00:20:01] And I have no idea what the hell to do now

[00:20:04] And the top comment on this one says this is a lot to deal with

[00:20:07] Sorry you're having to deal with this fallout

[00:20:09] I'm not from a culture where arranged marriages are a norm

[00:20:12] So please forgive my ignorance on any protocols

[00:20:15] One, I blame your parents most of all

[00:20:17] Knowing this man's history and still trying to make you marry him because they thought you were gay

[00:20:22] Even if you were gay, wouldn't that be all the more reason not to arrange a marriage?

[00:20:27] Two, is there an outclause of acceptable reasons for divorce or annulment in your culture?

[00:20:32] Would your family support you if you decided to do this?

[00:20:35] If not, are you able to be financially self-sufficient?

[00:20:39] OP quotes the culture part and says

[00:20:41] Nor am I

[00:20:42] I was the last of my siblings to get married and up until that point I had never seriously dated anyone

[00:20:48] My parents are conservative white Christian Republicans

[00:20:51] There are a few things worse that I could be to them

[00:20:54] My husband and I both make six figures

[00:20:56] Money is not an issue at all

[00:20:58] For the first time in my life I told him when I loved him and believed I had actually built something real with someone

[00:21:04] Was it all a lie?

[00:21:06] Is this awesome sick joke on me?

[00:21:08] My only good is someone's placeholder

[00:21:12] In Texas says

[00:21:13] This sounds like a horror thriller movie to be honest

[00:21:16] Also, why is he so prone to have a relationship with Camilla's child?

[00:21:20] Is it his?

[00:21:21] OP says the child predates their relationship

[00:21:24] He did not know each other when he was born

[00:21:26] And that was OP's last post on the matter so far

[00:21:29] So we're certainly going to keep an eye out for any future updates on that one

[00:21:33] Because that's just incredibly heartbreaking

[00:21:36] Everyone that you trust in this situation

[00:21:39] How do you even move forward with that?

[00:21:41] What do you suggest to OP?

[00:21:44] Who can you turn to to talk about this?

[00:21:47] I mean, all I can suggest would be like some sort of professional

[00:21:50] Because it feels like you can't trust anyone else around you at the moment

[00:21:54] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:21:58] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories

[00:22:02] As a wild one

[00:22:03] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:22:05] And just a huge thank you and hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:22:09] Take care and much love

[00:22:56] Thanks for watching