I Invited My Mom To Go House Hunting With Us And My Wife Has Been Weird About It

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark B and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account. And it says, am I the arsehole here for inviting my mom to go house hunting with my wife and I when my wife doesn't want her to come. Ooh. Throwaway account because she knows my main. Confusing title aside, my wife and I love to hang out with my mom and stepdad, but mostly just my mom. We don't do it very often, but we are house hunting right now and always include my mom in the tours because it makes her happy to come with us.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00] It's never seemed like it made her upset before. And like I said, she loves my mom and says my mom treats her more like family than her actual mom. We try to go out for breakfast with my family every Sunday. Then after that, go house hunting until the evening. My mom and wife work together at the same place. And this morning I was dropping my wife off like usual. I saw my mom pull in and she just bought a new car. Same exact model. Everything is mine. I rolled down my window and made a joke about how hers looks so brand new.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00] And it's making me feel like I need to clean my car. When I said this, I heard my wife say, Oh my God, but I just brushed it off. My mom came over and talked to me for like 10 minutes, mostly about house hunting. I realized it was time for them to clock in. So I rolled up my window. And before my wife got out the car, she said something like, thanks for spending time with me instead of her or something like that.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00] I asked her what you mean. And she said that she wanted to sit there with me and hang out before she had to go in. But I just decided to spend that time talking to my mom. She then follows that up with, I didn't even want her to go house hunting with us on Sunday, but you invited her without asking me. Mind you, she's been going with us for months now looking at houses. So I thought it would be no problem. I apologize to her. I said, it's been our thing for a while. And if she wanted it to change, she should have told me. She ends the conversation by saying, well, you didn't even give me a chance.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] And just says bye and shuts the door. So now I'm sitting in my apartment parking lot, just wondering what I did wrong and typing this. I text her a message that says, I'm sorry. I would like to talk to you later during your lunch about our conversation we just had. Have a good day at work. Am I the asshole for this? Now, clearly the wife isn't upset about this one particular moment. She's upset of the pattern that's happening. You know, house hunting is a huge thing. It's a personal milestone for many couples, right?

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00] But now you've got your mom in the mix, who's almost like a third decision maker, just by default, really, giving her opinion on the houses, etc. I imagine. And I think the car moment was basically the straw that broke the camels back in the end. You know, it just highlighted how she actually feels. She wanted a few minutes with you and you immediately shifted your attention to your mom. And I was thinking along the lines, you know, what you said about she should have told me.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00] But you didn't ask either. When something affects the both of you that I don't think the default should be, I'll invite my mom unless you object. It should be like, hey, do you want this to be just an us weekend? Is it okay if mom comes along? But a commenter asks a question. Why do you want your mother with you house hunting? Are you planning on living with her? Because you sure won't be living with your wife if you keep up that codependent behavior. You're the asshole.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00] Well, OP says it's not about codependent behavior. It's more about you have a very strong family dynamic. Family means everything to me, which includes my mom. My mom doesn't get out much. So if it makes her happy to spend time with us looking at houses, I'll love to include her. OP also replies saying, OK, OK, I'm an asshole. I get it. I'll take all your guys comments into consideration and have a talk with her tonight and apologize for prioritizing my mom's needs over her needs.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you all for calling me out on my bullshit. It hurts, but feels good to be called out for something I'm doing wrong. I'll come back and update in a few days. Commenter replies saying, may I suggest something, friend? When you talk with your wife tonight, after apologizing, may I suggest you also ask her if there is something else you've been blind to, just in case this is a symptom of a more general problem. OP says I'll also bring that up. I appreciate the advice, buddy.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00] We're still kind of newlyweds, been married for a year and a half and been together for four years total. I moved out of my mom's house two years ago and we got our first apartment together. We realized we hate renting and are qualified to buy a house, so we started looking. In a way, I guess I'm still transitioning to living on my own with just me and my wife, so I probably just missed a lot of mistakes I was doing. Thank you. Someone asks how old is OP and his wife. OP says we're both 22. We got married young.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00] We're still high school sweethearts and I proposed to her around the time I started college. The commenter says, good on you for taking it on the chin and reflect on this. Your young ages and relatively young married time makes sense. You're both still growing into adulthood a bit and learning about each other and setting boundaries for your marriage. I would still highly recommend therapy. It can be incredibly helpful and enlightening. If you go, I would look for a family and marriage therapist.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00] They're especially trained to deal with both the family of origin issues like your enmeshment and whatever issues your wife may have. Trust me, very few of us grow up without some kind of family wounds. So she may have her own behaviors that worked in her prior family dynamic but can be detrimental to the marriage and to help your marriage become stronger and happier. I best you both as you navigate this. OP says no, I completely agree. I've spoken to her about therapy and how much it can really benefit both of us.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00] Not to put too much of her business online but she grew up outside of the US and to put it extremely lightly, it wasn't the best childhood experience. I'm trying to warm her up to the idea of therapy because it can be great for the both of us. I also grew up without my mum for most of my life. My mum divorced my dad and they did a co-parenting thing where she would only see me for two months out of the year and my dad would get the rest of the time with me. So maybe I'm just trying to make up for lost time or something, I don't know. But again, thank you for recommending therapy.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00] I'll bring it up to her soon. So OP comes in with her first update and says small update for those who are interested. I met up with my wife for lunch and surprised her with some food I made. We drove to a secluded area of my city and I started the conversation. I told her that not only was I sorry for this morning, I'm sorry for every time I didn't talk to her about something first or didn't include her in the decision making. She's had a very bad abusive past that even affects her to this day, so she has a habit of blaming herself even when I'm clearly in the wrong.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00] I've apologized numerous times for things I know I messed up on and she finds a way to blame herself, which I always protest so she knows I'm the one that messed up. She tries to use this tactic and I instantly shut it down and tell her, I was being an arsehole and I wasn't being a good husband, you did nothing wrong. We talked for a while and I did just request a small thing from her. In the future, please tell me if something I'm doing is making you feel bad or not included, etc. She told me she will work on getting better at communication and I told her I will too.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00] I dropped her off at work and when I picked her up to go home, she suggested going to see a movie. We watched Scream 7 and after the movie she told me that sometimes she does feel a little jealous of my mom and I's relationship because my wife and ML are not even close to the same level of care for each other. I apologized that it made her feel bad and told her I would work on it. The conversation, as you imagine, had a lot more to say than just that. We vowed to be on our phones less when we were around each other and also talked about trying to cook more because we both love cooking but just never do it.

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you again Reddit for making me see that I was in the wrong. My brain was just more confused than anything, but I never saw my mom and I's level of relationship as a problem until yesterday. My wife and I have Life360 for safety reasons. Her idea. She just started driving so if anything happens when she's driving, I'll get an alert right away. My mom and I had one too. After much reflection I realized at my age, 22 male, that it's getting a bit weird. So I left it and she texts me, Why'd you leave the Life360 circle?

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00] Lol. And I told her I forgot I was even in it and made some stupid joke about how I don't want her stalking me anymore. I'll work on my enmeshment with my mom. I've never even heard that word until yesterday, but after much research I can see a link. Alright, thank you Reddit. A commenter says, Glad you seem to understand the issue and are working on it. Best of luck dude. OP says, Thank you. I'll be trying to work on it. Therapy for both of us is also in the conversation. I think we could both benefit from it. Opie adds a second update and says,

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00] Completely forgot to even mention the house hunting part. She's not going with us anymore. At least not for a while. My wife did admit that it was a private thing between us and she doesn't want her there. I completely agreed and called off today for house hunting with her as well as for the near future. Breakfast for this Sunday is also called off. We are alternating Sundays from now on. I told my mom that me and my wife don't really see each other so we want some alone time.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter was saying that Opie was completely cutting his mother off at this point and Opie says, I'm not shutting her out completely at all. We still see each other and we're alternating Sundays so one Sunday on and one Sunday off. I would just like to spend more one-on-one time with my wife and have breakfast just the two of us sometimes. I gotta say, I really enjoyed Opie's reflection during this post. It was pretty refreshing, I thought. Usually when we see stories like this that include in Meshman,

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00] it usually goes completely the other way to be quite honest. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Iamastarfish who says, Every year my boyfriend, 21 male, and I, 22 female, go on a break because he doesn't know what he wants. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We've always been great together

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00] and there's no one else in the world I'd rather be with. We make each other laugh. We like the same things. We have our own hobbies so we don't drive each other crazy. And we've been through so much as a couple. I'm in graduate school a state away from him, about a four-hour drive. We went into long distance fairly easily, so it blindsided me when he suddenly told me he didn't know if our relationship is what he wants. He's always struggled with a fear of commitment, something I've tried to support him through by trying not to pressure him into moving forward.

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_00] The problem is that every year for the last three years, he's gone through a struggle with wanting to be with me. He wants to take a break from our relationship and separate for a while, which I've agreed to the last two years. Every year so far, he's come back to me saying he was stupid and that he regrets ever being on a break. We talk things through and move forward. I thought after last year, we'd be done with it. But today, he gave me the same speech he's always given about wanting a break and wanting space. I put us on the break this time

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00] because I didn't want to beg him to stay with me. I'm blindsided by this whole thing and I'm confused about where it comes from. We're so great for 90% of the year and then the end of March comes around and he freaks out and wants to break up with me. He loves me and always will, but doesn't know what he wants. If he comes back again, do I take him back? I don't know what to do. My first thoughts on this is, you know, he's up to something, he's cheating or something along those lines. But then it got to like, it's doing it at the same time every year.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00] Is there some sort of trauma related thing at the same time? But my mind still just keeps going back to the cheating in the end that he thinks being on a break makes it fair game sort of thing so he can do what he wants for that little break. Then you get back together again and he goes back to his cozy relationship where he feels secure. Nah, I'll be done with this shit. Every single year, come on now. A commenter says to OP, always the same timing. He's up to something, some trip, event, regular visit home by his ex, something he's not admitting. Anyway, this whole setup is bullshit.

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_00] You've been together since you were kids. You've changed, grown, and in my honest opinion, probably grown apart. Most teen relationships time out when you go to college. This one lasted longer than most, but still is, again, in my honest opinion, overdue to end anyway. And on, off, on relationships never end well. OP says this time of year is when he gets really busy and overwhelmed with school. I attribute the timing to that. I don't suspect anything else is going on behind my back. He's a really good person

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00] and not at all the type to be sneaky. I told him not to contact me unless he's willing to fight for me this time. I just would feel really stupid if I had wasted five years. So OP comes in three months later and then says, it's been about four months since my first post and thought I'd post an update. Looking back on this post, I can't believe what a difference four months has made. After posting it, I read my own words and realized that the relationship was over. I was making excuses for him and justifying staying miserable

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00] in the relationship because I loved him so much. We had a talk when I visited my hometown and broke up. We both were emotional but knew it was for the best and I was content thinking we were going to spend time being single and discovering who we are as individuals after being so close for so long. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I found out he had been cheating for at least a couple of months before telling me he wanted another break. He began officially dating the new girl about three days after we broke up

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_00] and he moved in with her after a couple of months of dating. He's always been super resistant to commitments before so that came as a shock. My self-esteem took a huge hit. Now things are different. I discover new things about myself every day. I spend time with my friends who make me feel loved and important and I'm truly happy for the first time in a long time. At first, I wanted to start dating again and I told myself I was ready but the truth is there's so much I don't know about myself yet and I want to get to know me before I focus

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_00] on another relationship. Anyway, thank you to the people who commented and let me know that something was going on. As obvious as it was to them, I was completely blindsided. I'm just grateful to be out of that situation and I'm excited for what's ahead. Plumesy says to the OP, awesome that you're putting yourself first and moving on happily. I'm sorry he was cheating. That's tough. OP says, I'm telling myself it was something that had to happen for me to finally have a reason to get over him. And many people

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00] just saying on the back of this that they're glad that OP is discovering themselves before moving on really. But there was a couple of people relating to this post as well. Someone said, I have a former co-worker whose partner did this. They were in a relationship and lived together then broke up and she moved out then found out she was pregnant so they decided to get married. He ran off a month before their wedding. She was seven months pregnant and drove down intending to go to Mexico but changed his mind before he crossed the border. They got married and had four kids

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_00] and every year he would freak out and disappear for a week. They divorced now after roughly eight years of marriage and he hacked their social media accounts to post her nudes but two years after the divorce he seems to have disappeared from their lives long term. Deadbeat dad vibes. Damn, that's crazy but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00] comes from MajorMeaning1286 from the true off my chest subreddit and says I've been pretending to like hiking for seven years. Bloody hell. My 27 female fiancé, 28 male and I met in college and I was pretty much head over heels immediately. We were friends for a couple of months and he's always been an active guy. So one day I decided to lie and tell him I liked hiking and offered to go with him sometime in hopes that we'd get closer with some alone time. It worked

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_00] since after some time of going on hikes together where I was absolutely miserable the entire time he eventually asked me out and we started dating. Our relationship has been good. No major problems ever since. The only issue is that I hate hiking. I've never been an active person like at all. We live in a state that is very hot most of the year so I'm completely miserable all the time on our hikes but always go with him because it means a lot to him and I like spending time with him.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_00] Last month he proposed to me and ever since we've been swept up with wedding planning. He's even started talking about having kids and when we want to start trying to have a family. I feel awful that our relationship started out on a lie and I love him with all my heart but I just can't stand hiking. Over the years we've been together I've tried so hard to get into it but I still just absolutely hate the activity. The only part of it I like is the fact that we spend time together alone while on a hike. The worst part is that now that we're getting married I'm moving

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_00] into his place which means I can't make up an excuse as to why I can't go hiking with him anymore since he'll know I'm not busy if I'm just hanging out at home. If there was any way I could make myself enjoy exercise I would. Unfortunately nothing has worked yet at least he's making me be more active. The commenter said seven years that's dedication. Okay you have two choices the first is to just come clean that would be ideal and I do really think your relationship can survive it. The second

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00] is to have a bit of a personal renaissance get really into another hobby or working out in a gym or make standing plans with friends. Anything that makes you seem unavailable for regular hikes. Not ideal but it gets you out of this mess indirectly. Pick one before the wedding so he doesn't have the mistaken impression that he's marrying a lifetime hiking buddy. Seven years is long enough. The next commenter laughs and says oh what a tangled web. Come back and share pictures with us in five years when you have your five month old on your back

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_00] in those hiker packs and he has your toddler on his back in this pack. I'm crossing my fingers for you for the honeymoon that you can get your dream no hiking vacation. Commenter says what's awesome is how my wife and I both had hiking on our POF profiles when we met and later admitted we aren't super into it. Now we joke about it all the time while not hiking anywhere. And one more says imagine if he's in another sub saying how much he hates hiking but his new fiance loves hiking and he's been lying for seven years because he likes the time they spend together

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00] even though he doesn't enjoy it. The cack I cackled thinking about it. All that's popped into my mind is a story we read I don't know it must have been a couple of years back now where they arranged it was almost like a wedding up a mountain or something like that but you had to basically hike to get to it. I'm just imagining him like setting this up or something and her absolutely hating it. I know it's not going to happen but it just popped into my old noggin there. But OP came into the post three days later and said

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00] nobody really asked for an update but I figured I'd give one anyway just so you all know your advice didn't go to waste. I went to my fiance's house when we got home from work yesterday to drop off some of my boxes of my stuff and ended up telling him I tried not to be confrontational at all about it and just confessed that I never really liked hiking all that much and only really kept doing it so we could spend more time together and suggested that maybe we find something else to do together regularly. Apparently like a couple of people guessed he already sort of knew. He told me that

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_00] based on how I'd been insanely tired all the time or always mumbling to myself about the heat or bugs or something he'd guessed about three years ago that I wasn't into hiking as he was. He said he doesn't mind finding something else to do together instead but he'd like to be able to stay active and spend time with me while doing it. I offered against my better judgment because I love this man to go hiking with him every once in a while instead of every time I don't have an excuse. So that's the plan going forward. The only thing with the conversation was that he was

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_00] understandably a bit hurt that I felt like I had to hide it from him and that he wouldn't understand or would love me less if I didn't enjoy this one thing. Looking back it was so completely dumb to hide something so minimal from him for so long and I expressed that to him. He was very understanding and very sweet about it not nearly as angry as I was afraid he would be when I was dreading having this conversation. And yes he still does want to marry me even though I won't be his hiking buddy for life now. Kind of boring update and maybe not the explosive argument some of you

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_00] might have been expecting but there it is. Uber Migraine says to OP, OP so if he suspected or knew for the last three years has he offered to do anything else but hiking together or is hiking the only activity you do? Is he participating in any activities you personally like because from what you've written it is you bending to his wants and not him trying to find some common likes. OP says totally understand how it sounds that way but yes we do other things together. Might sound cliche but while he's really active I tend to be

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_00] more of a homebody. I make art, read and play video games the latter of which he does join me in. We also go on non hiking related dates as well. I just mostly focused on my post on hiking because it was the main source of guilt for me but I appreciate the concern. I just can't get my head around the seven years of it though doing something that you absolutely dislike. I know OP said she likes the quality time with a partner but actually going out hiking in the hot sun seven years when you dislike it that is

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_00] wild to me but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from throwawaythatcake who says am I the asshole for rescinding my offer to bake cakes for my friend's wedding and potentially ruining their relationship? People involved in this one are 22 female which is OP, the bride slash friend Cassie 24 female and her fiance Adam 25

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_00] male. Cassie has always loved my cakes and asked me to make eight for a wedding late last year. We agreed there'd be one tier cakes to be used as table centerpieces. I love the idea. We agreed that they'd be decorated a particular way that wasn't too elaborate. I was happy with the arrangement and super excited by the prospect. Early January she decided she wanted three tier cakes instead and wanted them decorated much more intricately. Intricacy wanted is nowhere near my ability.

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_00] I don't really have the free time to learn how to do it either. I have a lot on my plate in my day to day life and I knew even doing the one tier cakes would be a little tricky but absolutely manageable. I politely said I couldn't do that and tried to offer a compromise. I offered to find a way to do three tier cakes but more simplistic than she'd have liked. I also offered to get her in contact with a skilled friend of mine who I knew could do what she wanted. She'd have to pay but the price would have been extremely good and there'd be beautiful cakes worth every penny.

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_00] She got very angry at this compromise effort. She called me selfish and told me I was sabotaging her big day then demanded I do it for her while getting a few of her friends to send me rude and disheartening messages. This was heartbreaking for me but I told her I could no longer do the cakes and she got angrier. We haven't talked since that until yesterday. I received a message yesterday acting like nothing happened asking me to do the cakes again because I owed her. She said I'd be a useless friend if I didn't.

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_00] I declined and she chewed me out again saying things that were unnecessary and I'd rather not repeat. I'd had enough. This had been already stressful for me and I hated being dragged into it. I messaged Adam sending him some screenshots asking if he'd please make her stop lashing out. She was hurting but I didn't deserve the things said. I didn't get a reply until today where he apologized profusely. He told me she had done this to another friend before me and this was the straw that broke the camel's back for him and he was going to call off the wedding until they'd been to

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_00] the counseling together. I thanked him for being understanding but a few hours later Cassie and her friend started harassing and threatening me. It's been horrible. My boyfriend is urging me to cut out Cassie but I can't help feeling like an asshole. If I made time to learn this whole situation wouldn't be happening. So does that make me an asshole? Am I being selfish? He's reassured me that I'm not but I could really do with an outside perspective. Commodore says I've seen a lot of what the fuck wedding drama on here but this one

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00] takes the never mind not the asshole. Italy says this is exactly what the fuck drama and OP needs to send one text. Stop harassing me or I'll call the police for harassment. That needs to be the end of it. If she or her friends doesn't stop call the police and have all the text to back it up. Rit Post-It Rit says not the asshole blocker block all the minions you don't need this kind of harassment in your life. Fun says not the asshole your boyfriend is right. Cassie is not your friend and honestly Adam is making the

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00] right call by postponing the wedding at all. In the same post OP updates and says oh my gosh I fell asleep last night after posting this and didn't expect to wake up to a response anything like this. Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to respond. I'll try and find some time to respond to some comments later. To touch on a few things I've seen mentioned. Cassie is now cut out as are her friends. People saying I was being a doormat were completely right and those few saying I need therapy also were. I've been actively looking for a

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_00] therapist I click with. I used to be good at recognizing behavior akin to this but lockdowns have taken a toll on my mental health. A few people mentioned a contract style situation with a friend discount. I'd definitely do some thinking on that idea to try and help avoid situations like this happening again. For those saying I shouldn't have contacted Adam I did on the sole basis that this was his wedding as well. I stand by my choice to contact him. For those mentioning getting the police involved if any further threats happen I will. I've documented everything that's

[00:25:42] [SPEAKER_00] happened so far just in case. Thank you for taking the time again to hear me out. Support me and give judgment. I really appreciate it. With stories like this I'm always left with was there a history of this kind of behavior before and you know the wedding planning is just taking it to the extreme or was it just the wedding by itself that caused this behavior? I mean the attitude is always going to be hidden in the background right but what happened there? I can't help but feel that maybe OP has been treated this way

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_00] for a long time by this friend as well. Maybe not in quite the extreme way right but certainly been there. How about you guys? How did that one make you feel? Do you think there's a history behind it? Some people say that you know it's always the wedding planning that brings out you know the monster if you like but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me so

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_00] thank you so so much and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.