I Ended Things With A Date As She Has Different 'Rules' For Different Guys

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from the Am I Wrong subreddit. It's been going on since December 2025 with an update then as well. And now it has a final update attached to it in April 2026. It's from FirmSomewhere4901 and says, Am I wrong for ending things with a date after she kept different rules for different guys?

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_00] It's as the title says, I26 male have been going on dates with this woman, 25 female, since the last two months. We haven't talked about exclusivity since things haven't gotten that serious, but we have a mutual interest in each other so we kept going on dates. In the same time period I've also gone on dates with a few girls, but I didn't feel the spark to continue the dates with them. So at least for myself, I stuck to this girl and hope for things to farewell between us.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_00] I knew that she's also seeing someone else and she was transparent with me about him. I haven't met him, but I give her credit for being open about the current state of things between us and around her. At the beginning of our date she mentioned she was looking for a serious relationship and needed time to engage in any sexual intimacy until she found that comfort and space. I agreed to that and was okay since I don't have a high libido these days.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_00] The other day we finally engaged in sex after a close to two month period and during post-sex conversations I got to know she has engaged in sex already with the other person she's seeing. I know it's none of my business, but I tried to get more details about it. She was also going on dates with this other person since the last two and a half months and she has already engaged in sex with him. I'm not bummed about the number of times they had engaged already, but rather the timing of the first one they had, which was around the first week or so after they met.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00] I tried to be open and progressive about all this, but I felt bad I was made to wait for a couple of months. Not to compare, but I felt like I was being treated as a second choice. I played it cool at that point in time, but since then this has kept nagging me a lot and my ego and confidence took a hit somehow if that makes sense. I contacted her yesterday and told her how I'm feeling and just blocked her. I didn't wait for a response nor was I looking for one to safeguard myself and my emotions.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00] Am I wrong for doing so? Is this how the current dating space is looking like? Edit. Adding more reasons around why I felt hurt and did what I did. At the beginning when we met for the first time, she was upfront about seeing me and the other person at the same time. And when I asked about her views on sex and what she was expecting, she mentioned she liked to wait until she felt comfortable. I didn't press more on it. I felt she was judging who can be the best one for her. Even though I went on a few dates with other girls, nothing ended in sex.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00] I'm the kind of person who needs a bit of connection to do it. The only reason I did this is to realize whatever spark I felt for this woman is real or not, which I have realized sooner and stuck to this woman ever since. It's only after I had sex recently with this woman I got to know all these details. Initially, I felt that I and him were held up to the same standards and she was feeling a similar attraction, which in hindsight is wrong and naive of me to think so, with him and I.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00] But post-reveal, I didn't feel like that is the reason. I felt like she wasn't that attracted to me physically at least. Note that I tried to initiate sex a few times before but stopped when she asked me for some more time. So knowing she was already intimate with that other person and that too she could do that in the very first week after knowing him bruised my ego and confidence. So this led me to thinking I was second choice all along, which I wasn't comfortable with. A commenter says to OP,

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00] Also, she kind of lied. If she really is looking for a serious relationship, then she'd focus on finding the one, not sleeping with each guy. I think it's fair to look at her from that angle. Because if she really felt that way about you, then why make you wait while having sex with others? Again, she is free to do it, but you're also free to think that she isn't serious about you and walk away. OP replied saying, Yeah, I didn't want to prolong that conversation with her. I did put in a few encouraging words before blocking her.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't want to take any more damage to my ego and confidence if that makes sense. A commenter who was downvoted says, Great question. You'll get different answers here, and you already have, but it seems to me like you are applying the rules of monogamy to a non-monogamous context. The non-committed period is tough and activating and brings up a lot of old wounds and primitive reflexes. That's totally normal, but our job is to learn from them, not react to them. Until you two had agreed to commit, how she dated outside of you was none of your business and vice versa.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00] Your openness with each other was rare and healthy. Without knowing the rest of the details, that alone makes her sound like a keeper to me. Sorry, bro. OP says, She seemed great, but I didn't like being a second choice. Based on our conversations before, I felt she was feeling just as attracted to me as she was feeling to him. But after that, I didn't feel it was the case. That reveal didn't make me feel good. In a way, I made things easier for her if she wanted to pursue that guy even more. Commenter says,

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00] Did you try to pursue sex with her earlier? Was it something that you all had talked about? OP says, And another commenter, who again was downvoted, says, Okay, those additional points reinforce the fact that you were dating multiple other women. Could have slept with any of them at any time. You had felt a spark before you slept with her.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00] And then got angry after you found out she'd felt a spark with someone else. So you banged her, blocked her, and came on here to trash her. OP says,

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00] It's one of those stories that I feel like I'm just out of my depth here. I'll probably show my age a bit. But I don't think I'd be comfortable in this situation at all. For me, if I was dating someone, and this is only personally. If I was dating someone and, you know, intentionally wanting to build a connection. And I know they said, you know, it's all very loose, whatever. Before having sex. I'd struggle knowing that they might be sleeping with someone else at the same time. No judgment from me, you know. They're free to do what they want.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00] But it just wouldn't sit right with me personally. But that same month, OP came in with her first update and said, I didn't want to post an explanation for my previous post. I just shared the link as an update. But seeing as some of the people are trying to assassinate my character, I felt the need to do so. I should call the girl in this context as Tina and the other person involved as Niall. Tina and I met each other on a dating platform a fortnight after Tina and Niall have met each other first.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00] When we met for the first time, we discussed our shared interests and even our views on sex and dating in general. Here's where I will admit I should have followed up with more questions. But since it being the first date, I didn't do it. The question I posed to her at the time was, What's your view on sex and dating? To what she said, She won't engage in that until she's comfortable with it and generally likes to take time. Since it was our first date, I took her words at face value and thought she was a similar person with regards to how I view the same.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00] Relatively, yes, it differs from person to person, but I took her answer objectively and whatever she's following the standards slash rules with me, I felt it was the same she's following while seeing Niall. I want to emphasize on the seeing part because not always is it associated with being sexually active with the other. That was my understanding and based on her previous answer about her view on sex, I took it as she was also taking time to consider things with Niall. I will again concur and accept this my mistake to assume such.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00] It was her idea, a casual one to me, that I could also see other people and experience how things would be like to decide who's going to be a better partner. It was a suggestion without malice and I did, as mentioned in the previous post, went on a few dates with a few other women. But as iterated there, nothing ended in sex. Some people seemed to take this as a loophole and try to hit on my character saying, he would have done so had he felt the spark.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00] Yes, I would have, but I would have been exclusive to this person and stopped seeing others. That's the difference. Unfortunately, I didn't hit it off with those and I felt stronger sparkle in connection with Tina and continued going on dates solely with her. I want to clarify here, Av told this update to Tina, and also I mentioned I didn't engage in any intimacy with them. It was her opportunity come clean with a sexual intimacy part. She got on going with Niall. She didn't reveal.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00] Either she might have thought I already knew this or she deliberately hid this part from me. More on this later. So, for the next one month or so, she was seeing both Niall and I, and I was under the impression things were going well between us. I didn't ask how things were going for her with Niall since I'm not entitled to that information. But I will say, I did initiate sex a few times during this period. I know I said I don't have a high libido, but it doesn't mean it's exaggeratingly low, as some cleverly tried to pick on it and use it against me.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00] I do have my needs and in general, twice or thrice a week, I had to take care of it myself. But she insisted she needed more time. I felt it was the truth and didn't push on it more. What changed my perception around everything is when we had sex finally at my place recently, and post which I was feeling very raw and praising her a lot that time. That I felt happy she chose me. I naively thought she picked me over Niall. Here's where she slowly let myself know about the state of things with Niall

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_00] and how they are already sexually active. I did ask her a few questions about the subject, and I put it together indirectly that she did it with me because she was out of station for the past few weeks. I have no qualms about her past sexual life. It's her present choices that bothered me. That bruised my ego and confidence. Obviously when Niall is taking care of those needs for her, when she's already connected to him on that level, things would be slower than usual with me. I will say it again.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00] This made me feel like I was the second choice all along. I could have gotten more details had I pressed on it, but we had to sleep that night. It was already late and she left early in the morning for work purposes. I had time to sit down and think it through when I posted the previous post. I didn't want to touch on her obvious disparities and possible manipulation tactics to keep me at bay. I could have gotten closer to the truth, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to ruin the image of her in my mind. Hence I put in a message, a very lengthy one,

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00] a very vulnerable and honest one that I didn't want to share her and cut her off by blocking her. More than her tactics or behavior, I would like to think it's more the circumstances that worked against me. So that's that. I don't want to hear any more on this topic from any of the negative comments here. Hopefully down the line, I can share a happy life update. If you've read thus far, if you're one of those who shared good advices to me, thank you. I wish you all well. So before the next update, a commenter says to OP, you're not wrong in feeling this way

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00] and blocking her was definitely the correct choice. I know I'll probably get downvoted to hell over this, but I do think she should have told you she's actively sleeping with another person before sleeping with you. People are allowed to do whatever they want, but it also includes giving the other partner informed consent. You were under the impression, based on her conversations with you, that she wasn't sleeping with others. This is how STIs spread and she didn't allow you the respect or consent to know that she's actively sleeping with someone else before using you. At the end of the day,

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00] she knew you were interested in more and she wasn't. She slept with you because her main option wasn't available. It's gross. OP replied saying, thank you for saying this out loud. I felt a bit deceived that I didn't have consent. I would have not gone forward with sex had I known this information. I'm still getting some flack over here saying I needed sex, sex, sex. No, it wasn't that. It was how she handled that. It was how she became a gatekeeper when it came to me. It was how she admitted the truth when she had chances to tell me so

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00] before we had sex. Considering everything, I'm not saying some part of the blame doesn't lie with me. I accepted it. I owned it. I'm not saying the entire fault lies with her. The circumstances just sucked and I had to learn the lesson the hard way. For those who are calling me names for not giving her closure in person or in communication, my peace of mind is first and foremost to me and I'm not sorry about prioritizing it over her closure. Leiden Luff says, unfortunately, if you're a male and exhibit any type of behavior

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_00] that would hint towards you having a shred of self-respect and boundaries, then the online freaks are going to come out of the woodwork to attack you. OP says, you're right. That's why I put this post up, but I still received negativity. I generally don't wish the worst on my enemies. If those are not understanding how bad I'm feeling about this, then they can only experience it for themselves to realize my situation. After four months, OP comes in with that final update and says, I have a positive update.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00] I forgot I had this account here, lol. Yet, I don't have anything to update about her. Post that, she didn't try to reach out to me in person, not that I hoped or expected. I took some time away from the dating scene and met this amazing girl a couple of months ago. We made our relationship official just last week. I learned my lesson from the previous experience and I'm happy that I found a girl I'm looking for. Thanks all for giving your inputs last time. I turned 27 yesterday and oh wow, what all she did for me. It made my day.

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00] There's a lot of people just talking about the overall general dating scene at the moment, but other people are glad that OP has found some happiness in his life and has moved on. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from HeadExplanation8307 from the AmITheArseholeHere subreddit and says, Would I be the arsehole here for having people bring their own lunch

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00] to my picnic themed birthday party? So I, a 24 female mom of two under two, am turning 25 in a couple of months. I recently had the idea when shopping for Easter dresses that one of the dresses I liked would look cute for a picnic. I was also looking around a bit for a birthday dress since 25 is a big one and the idea of having a picnic for my birthday sounds so fun. It'd be the best time of year for it as far as the weather and my birthday even lands on a weekend.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00] My thought process is that since I'll be inviting mostly other moms with kids and their husbands will likely come too and there will probably be easily 30 to 50 people there including kids. I'm an extrovert so I love this idea. That's a small wedding honestly and I can't afford to feed that many people but I really want them there because I love the people. I was thinking that I'd provide cake and games for everyone as well as picnic blankets for the yard and was thinking that each family could bring their own picnic lunch. Not only does this alleviate costs

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00] while also allowing me to invite everyone, it also means that everyone's allergies and preferences are accounted for. I was thinking of having some snack options like fruit and cheese sticks but the meal portion would be on the guests to provide seeing as it's a picnic. I also don't feel like this is too different from going out to eat for your birthday and everyone paying their own way. Also because I feel like it's relevant to the arsehole judgment, I don't want to get any presents. I just want to play games with my friends and watch all of our kids run around together and have fun. I love hosting

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_00] and getting to see everyone together is the main goal. I'm mostly asking because I was putting out feelers for availability with my mum friends and one of them asked what I was thinking so I told her my idea. She seemed put off when I said that families would have to bring their own lunch since it's a picnic but maybe it's just how I said it or something. I don't remember how I worded it but it wouldn't have been too different from yeah, I wouldn't be able to provide lunches for everyone so I was thinking everyone could bring their own picnic lunch. Would I be the arsehole

[00:16:34] [SPEAKER_00] asking people to provide their own lunches? It won't let me link a screenshot but the invitations do note in large print that your presence is the greatest gift. Edit for a bit more context All my friends are mums there are about 6 to 10 of them but many of them wouldn't be able to come without their kids and most of them have at least 2 kids and a husband some of them have upwards of 4 kids they may have to bring. You can start to see now how reducing the guest list isn't exactly an option

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00] if I actually want to spend it with my friends. Inviting just 2 of my friends already increases the guest list by at least 8 people I've seen some people comment that I'm an adult and should have a more mature party to this I say you're boring also I didn't have friends as a kid so I was ostracized for being neurodivergent to say my friends I've made after coming into motherhood mean a lot to me so I want to celebrate this milestone with them to people saying that you would never bring food for your family I'm sorry that packing a few sandwiches and chips

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_00] for kids and adults is so harrowing for you I hope you find a way to feed your families when they go off to school or work and need a packed lunch since you clearly feel that doing so is unreasonable A secondary question a lot of comments seem to feel that a party requires food I've been to plenty of parties that only had cake and snacks both of which I would be providing every party require a meal this seems absurd to me Edit 2 I want to clarify for the most part that this is a get together with my friends

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_00] the birthday party aspect is secondary the only part of the party that would center on being my birthday is the cake everything else would be just generally having fun that being said would it be clear if the invitations didn't say anything about my birthday or if it had a very small spot in the bottom corner that mentions we'd also be celebrating name's birthday but please do not bring a gift I'm honestly considering leaving anything about my birthday completely out of the invitations and just making it a picnic gathering I just don't want to blindside my friends

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_00] with a birthday song which unlike most people I actually really like I just want my mum friends to sing happy birthday for me not the kids not the dads but as I stated before it would be really difficult for them to get there if they were just invited and they had to find sitting as for why can't the husbands watch the kids some of them have husbands that work on the weekend not all of them have husbands willing to watch the kids some of their husbands work 50 to 60 hour weeks of hard labor and would be up for going to a party

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00] and helping with the kids but wouldn't be able to watch the kids by themselves very easily there are many reasons the husbands might not be able to watch the kids and it isn't my or yours place to judge how a family works but because I have no idea of how many of their husbands will actually show up I have to include them in the count stop commenting on the guest list size I cannot change it additionally there's no need to be nasty if you wouldn't come I don't care you weren't invited anyway I'm here for clear explanations as to why I would be the arsehole or not

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not here for name calling and rude folks it's also becoming increasingly clear that most single people are commenting on this post if you don't have kids then of course you wouldn't want to pack for a whole family you're not used to it most of these women's pack lunches for their kids all the time so it's not asking them to go above and beyond anything they usually do Opie has clearly taken some flack in the comments which I find absolutely wild because for me I think this is just such a lovely wholesome idea it's literally a picnic

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00] bring your own food and hang out and Opie's dealing with everything else cake and games etc and clearly some people are acting like posting automatically means you have to financially feed 40 plus people or you're rude you know we're not talking about a formal dinner it's a casual get together with kids running around if a friend come up to me and ask me this would you be willing to bring your own packed lunch for but fucking whatever event actually yeah I would absolutely do it it could be their bloody wedding I just want to spend time with that person and enjoy

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00] their special moment with them and in the end you know people have a choice they don't have to go picnic etiquette when did that become a thing to first come up to said to Opie you're not hosting if you're telling guests to bring their own food people should scale their party ideas down to what they can actually afford Opie says it will be in a large outdoor space that I will have prepared along with cake and snacks and games and decorations that I will have prepared that is already

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_00] an undertaking considerable enough to be hosting I already have the games and decorations necessary so I wouldn't have to buy new which I have because I enjoy hosting things my goal when I host is always for my guests to have a better experience than I do because knowing that a good experience is what makes it enjoyable for me in the first place commenter says it might be received better by guests if you have it during a non-meal time like 2 to 3 p.m and just communicate enjoy cake refreshments light snacks so they're aware that you aren't serving a meal

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00] I think the weird element comes from you hosting a picnic but asking people to bring a picnic lunch better to not tell them what they should do and just tell them what you are doing supplying cake snacks blankets and games Opie says thank you this was really helpful this helps me understand the issue better in addition to providing a solution a commenter says I think it's a lovely idea that it might be the venue that's the problem at first I assumed that you were asking people to meet up at a park which 100% makes sense

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_00] but at the end you implied that this would be at your home which sets slightly different expectations I think you can pull this off if you look around for a nearby park with a great playground and a large picnic area with picnic tables but you might need to pay a fee to reserve the spot you can invite everyone to bring a picnic and join you casual just a get together to spend the day with the kids if you want to host at your home it's kind of odd to have everyone bring their own food you could just invite people over for cake from say 2 to 5 or you could just suggest

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_00] a potluck but come to my house and I will throw some blankets on the ground so you can eat a sandwich you bought from home isn't hosting plus I am for one not real fond of eating on the ground in the first place might be okay at a beautiful park

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_00] arrangement did come in to say what happened in my original post while there were some helpful people most people said yes I would be the arsehole I ended up calling my friend who also has kids and she said I was overthinking it and she and some of the other mums I would be inviting have done similar things in the past already before I joined the friend group so I decided to go through with it she even offered to bring

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00] lots of people came invite read similar to this join us at 2pm for names age birthday party on birthday date enjoy cake refreshments and light snacks picnic blankets and games for the adults and children will be provided bring your own lunch as desired feel free to bring cheese or a side to share as desired ultimately there were about 30 people there including all the children we have some postpartum mums that weren't able to come which was expected

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00] one mum had just closed on a house and was doing some finalizing stuff for that and a couple of mums already had travel plans for spring break so only about half the people that were invited came but everyone who couldn't come had very good and exciting reasons everyone who came had a blast despite the weather suddenly being much hotter than expected and it was such a joy to watch the kids run around and play with bubbles chalk and pinwheels I brought the leftover cake to our next mums group meeting and was able to share with my friends who hadn't been able to make it overall I kind of think that the folks

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00] who said I would be the asshole might be chronically online chronically single or just generally bean soup commenters who can't fathom a situation designed for someone who isn't like them considering nobody seemed to be able to put to the context of who was being invited together for the type of event it was I'm glad I didn't listen to Reddit and did it anyway it kind of brought up a memory from my childhood at the very end of this story one that it was a lovely time for us and may not

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_00] be exactly relatable to this but it just brought back that memory when I was younger like 8 9 10 somewhere around that age we had loads of families up and down our street and many of them didn't have very much money but still like to get together we'd still go out in the street talk to each other we'd walk into each other's that's the kind of street it was at that period of time the parents around there would offer you what they could you know a bag of crisps or something like that and an ice pole whatever it was even though they

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_00] may have been struggling themselves I can always remember a couple of years where the street would get together and they would go to a local field probably about 10 15 minutes away from where we lived and would go over the field and play rounders just thinking does everyone know what rounders is the only thing I can think of is like baseball we'd put four and you'd hit the ball and everyone try and catch it while you try and run round the jumpers to get back to your home pretty much baseball right and of course the families would take picnics over there but then they would also accommodate for the

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_00] families who didn't have much at the same time and it was like thinking back on it it was just so normal back then but I'm well enough thinking about it because it was just a normal expected thing to do for your your neighbors and family back then and there was no expectation for these people to bring anything there was sort of communication so there was enough food obviously but families were pretty open with each other you know I'm really struggling this month this week whatever it was and it was just an understanding you know again no judgment just this is the way it is

[00:26:42] [SPEAKER_00] it's tough times and people neighbors family friends just valued spending that time together which I just thought was a beautiful and a wonderful thing don't get me wrong you've heard other stories I've talked about that area it wasn't all bloody butterflies and gravy I don't know why I said gravy for but we'll go with it but anyway I'm talking shit as usual I'm probably not really relating to that story as much as I hoped but what do you guys make of today's stories

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_00] let us know your thoughts down in the comments below maybe you got a completely different opinion on the matter let us know your thoughts and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one take care and much love