I Discovered My Partner Cheated Whilst On Holiday - But She Doesn't Know I Know!

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the Relationship Advice subreddit.

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00] The main post is titled, I32male found out my partner 32female cheated on me while she was away on holiday. She doesn't know that I know, how do I navigate this? But it started off with a different post that was titled, Supporting My Partner's Dream But Unsure About Relocating. And it started, so my partner may be moving to London soon. Not 100% confirmed yet, but it's looking likely.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00] We're both in our early 30s and have been together for almost 8 years. She wants to move for better career opportunities and to properly pursue dance. It feels like a now or never window for her physically and I completely understand and support that. The thing is, I'm happy where I am but I'm also looking to shake things up before I enter my 40s. I live in Wales, I've built a solid network of friends and clients and I feel established. I've considered moving to London before and I do like it but I'm unsure about what I'm doing.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00] I worry about going all in. I worry about job stability, finances and whether the lifestyle would actually suit me long term. Because Wales to London isn't the worst commute, I've thought about staying where I am and travelling more regularly instead of fully relocating but I don't know if that's realistic long term. I guess I'm also quietly wondering whether this is the beginning of the end for us, even though we love each other deeply.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] For those who've done long distance relationships, what's something you wish you'd done differently? What helped you maintain it? Did it work out in the end? At what point did you know whether it was sustainable or not? I'd really appreciate honest experiences or advice, both positive and negative. Though people weighed in with their opinions on this, someone said, has she actually found a job in London? Surely better to secure one before simply moving there.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] Also, I know nothing about the professional dance world but I would have guessed that by your early 30s it'd be pretty clear if you're going to make it in the industry or not but maybe I'm wrong. Opie says she hasn't found a job yet in London which is a bit of a hesitation at the moment but she wants to jump in just to see if it works and having no regrets. Commenter says,

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, I wouldn't say I'm completely settled as I'm also going through a similar shift in my career. I've worked for companies most of my career and I'm going back to the freelancer life so I'm also looking to explore different avenues on the freelance market. Seems like a lot of interest in work is in London but I'm happy with the life I have here in Wales. I guess I want to try something new before the regret kicks in. And one more commenter says, Move into London for your SO's possible career in dance when you're established and doing well.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00] I would think long and hard about it. Sounds a little crazy on paper and could result in long term hardship. However, most of us know feelings aren't simple or logical. Maybe all of that feels worthless if she's not there to share it with. I'd say try a safe measure. Temporary long distance to see if she can establish a career first and then follow down if it's possible for you with work. Opie says, This is exactly what I've been thinking but I do worry about the relationship aspect to be honest.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00] And then after this is where the original post came in. I found out my partner cheated on me while she was away on holiday. She doesn't know that I know. How do I navigate this? And it came one and a half months later after the post we just read. And it said, So I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for seven years now. We've had our ups and downs and have started to go to couples therapy. And we're still going, trying to figure out our relationship. We're both at a point of our lives where we've pressed the fuck it button and chased our dreams.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00] With that, there's been talk of her moving to London. It's something that came up a few years ago. And we both thought maybe we try a long distance relationship to see how we go when that time does come. Basically, in November she graduated uni. And gifted herself a little dance workshop in Africa for all her efforts in graduating. Which I've been there in some of her most hardest times. She left for the camp December. And I went to meet her there in January. And we had a lovey dovey time and everything was okay.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00] But things did feel a bit off. The usual things. Someone constantly calling her phone. Walking off to have chats. Shady with messaging. I also told her that this person was calling. And she said she'd call her back. To my surprise, I did some digging and that her was actually a him. I call him Kevin for now. She's been pretty open with her travels. And about how some men did try and hit on her. So with that transparency, I didn't think much of it.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00] Fast forward to March and she ended up flying back out there. And she got some grant funding for work. My alarm bells weren't ringing. But I had a feeling something might be happening. While she was there, we tried to keep in contact. So my guard was lowered for that. She came back differently and somewhat disappointed. As she had a very underwhelming experience. She felt lonely and somewhat mothering to some of her friends she made there. This morning, we woke up and she went to the toilet. And I turned her phone alarm off to which I saw a message from Kevin.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00] Saying how much she loved and missed her. Again, the alarm bells went off. Not my proudest moment. But I needed some clarity because of this feeling of betrayal. A feeling I've had before with a previous girlfriend. Who slept with a dear friend of mine. So I went to her laptop while she was out. And I saw these messages. A lot of messages and pictures between the two of their love. And their long distance relationship. The funny thing is. She found out Kevin has a wife and a daughter. And one of Kevin's replies were about how he was mad at her.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00] For asking his friends if he was seeing other women. And how when she was there. She felt like an afterthought. As he didn't show up to things. Give her attention or care that she was there. Which now makes sense why she felt lonely. Both times she came back with thrush. Which was a bit of a red flag. As well as straight away told me to put a condom on. As she was getting surgery for a coil. Which was another flag. As I guess she didn't want to give me an STI I suppose. I now have screenshots of the messages. So I'm fairly certain about what I saw.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00] I feel hurt, confused and unsure how best to approach this conversation with her. Part of me wants to understand what happened before jumping to conclusions. But I'm also struggling with a sense of betrayal. How would you suggest navigating the situation? Has anyone dealt with something similar? And what helped you communicate effectively or still respecting your own boundaries? Edit and thank you for all the comments. Sorry for the slow reply. Had to shoot off a word but didn't expect to have so many comments. First off I guess I didn't explain myself too well here.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00] I know I'm going to leave her. Knowing that I can never trust her again. As well as her lying to my face. Reassuring that nothing ever happened in her time in Africa. Is a no go for me. She knew about my past relationship and my feelings on this. So I knew the moment I read these messages. It confirmed everything. And I know I have to leave. I guess the advice I was wanting was to figure out how to end this all. I guess I need help with. One. How and when should I bring this up?

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_00] Do I tell her I went through her phone after having the same feeling I had in my previous relationship? Do I tell her one of her African friends messaged me privately and said all this to me? Two. When should I bring this up? Tonight or should I wait till Thursday? As we have therapy. Three. We have a complex friendship group as I'm really close with her brother and family. So I don't necessarily want to ruin my friendship with her brother. Should I tell her family what she did via message? Four. Should I post this announcement on Instagram?

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00] It might look bad on my part to announce this but I also don't want her to tarnish my name. I don't think she would but with everything I've read from her exchanges I don't know what to think. Side note. She lives in my house so yes she will be kicked out as soon as we have this difficult conversation. I just want to make sure everything goes clean. I'm trying to be patient and take necessary steps like the Count of Monte Cristo. Updates. I've made another follow up post of what's happening in the past couple of days.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you all who read and commented on my post in these interesting times. Things are going better but there's the update thread if you wanted to read up on what's happened. I think OP already truly knows the answer. You know they're not trying to navigate whether to leave. You're just trying to work out how to leave cleanly and not cause any issues. But I wouldn't be creating any you know fake sources or anything like that. I would just say I saw the messages. The relationship is already over. And basically you don't need to protect her from the truth about how you found out.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00] And I think just a quick calm short. I saw the messages. I know about Kevin. This is over. I need you to move out. End of. And for me you know if I had some sort of evidence just in case you know she did twist the narrative. You've got that as a backup just in case. But I wouldn't be putting it publicly on Facebook or bloody Instagram or anything straight away. Especially if you didn't want that drama right. But we're going to cover OP's update in a second.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00] But one commenter says oh man post from a month and a half ago talks about the possible London move. So she can pursue her dreams. While you said you're solidified with what you're currently doing and content where you're at. But also wanting to maybe shake things up before your 40s. Separating from a cheater and being single for a bit would be a great way to do that. No? To answer your question bluntly. You navigate this by breaking up. You are never going to fully trust her again. And already had your doubts. You all spent some really formative years together.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00] But it's not uncommon that this kind of thing doesn't last for most people. It's going to feel like the hardest thing in the world for a while. You're going to feel like you're losing part of yourself. Like something slash someone died. And it's going to really fucking hurt. But then you'll find yourself on the other side. In a space that you can't imagine existed until you get there. Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. Yes. I'm leaving this comment with a fight club outro.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00] Hope you replied saying this one hits hard but a very good sound advice. Thank you. Commodore says I'd probably confront her with a cheating and ask what you did to cause her infidelity. And seek to understand why she's emotionally bankrupt with you. Did I read that comment right? That what you did to cause her infidelity. Don't take the piss. Come on now. Hope you reply saying this. Like why has this happened twice in my life now? I might as well become a monk. Commodore says you break up with her. You tell her straight up.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00] I suppose you could give her the benefit of telling you the truth by leading off with. Before I end this relationship. Is there anything you'd like to come clean about? Honestly you don't owe her anything. She's in love with someone else. She didn't just sleep with someone in a one-off event. Not that I'm defending that behavior. But it's a lot different to navigate than this. She's been sneaking around behind your back. And in a relationship with real feelings. What on earth would you want to try and salvage this? Unless you have an open relationship. But you didn't mention that.

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00] I understand you might not want to lose her. But seven years is a pretty defined relationship. There isn't much left for interpretation. She isn't happy. And you're wasting your time now. And money. Trying to fix something she isn't invested in anymore. She's gonna cry. Maybe even blame you for going through her phone. That's what guilty people do. Blame others to justify their actions or behavior. I'd be very surprised given her behavior. If she took ownership. You deserve better. And she deserves to feel the consequences of her actions.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_00] You don't need to be mean. But you need to be honest. And you need to do it as soon as possible. Otherwise it's going to fester. And you might say or do something you regret. And feel justified because of what she has done. I'm sorry you're going through this. Things for you will get better with time. But you don't need to hold on to this. You need to free yourself from this. And not try to spare her feelings. And definitely don't comfort her. Opie replies saying. I appreciate the warning on how she might react on this. So thank you very much. Another commenter says.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00] Text her the screenshots. And then say. You have 24 hours. Opie says. Honestly. I did think of this. And one more commenter says. Bruh. Definitely you're going to hear everyone here tell you to man up and leave. Seven years dating. Then moving into the cycle you did. Living your own dreams effectively. Set the relationship up for this. You have a right to choose how to live your life. Since you specifically asked. How do you navigate asking her? One. Stop sleeping with her for your own protection. Two. Get tested. And three. Bring it up directly in therapy.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00] Just say things don't add up. Explain everything up to you snooping. Hold that part back. And just ask her to come clean. Therapy will be the best place to do it. As the therapist should help pry. Her response will tell you everything. But either way. Everything adds up to a side relationship with sex. She got played and is with you for security. Only you can determine what you're willing to be with. But I think you know the answer. Seven years. No ring. And you both let the relationship fizzle.

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_00] There's little reason to believe she didn't get blessed down by the reins in Africa. Opie says. Thank you so much for your kind advice here. You've nailed it on the head with a security point. So four days later. Opie returns with their update. And says first off. I just want to say thank you for all those who read and commented on my situation above. Some posts were more helpful than others. But I appreciate the responses regardless. So thank you. As for things now. They are a lot better. Still barely sleeping.

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00] But I'm feeling more comfortable with myself and my situation. I confronted her. She began to lie about knowing the guy. To. To. We're acquaintances. To. I've met him only a few times. To. We're just friends. To. We kissed. To. I was unsure about us. I thought he might be boyfriend material. To finally. Yes I did fuck him. Took her a while to finally confess. But she finally did. Not sure if it's the entire truth. But at least there's admission. I kicked her out of the house. And she's staying with a friend. I asked her to get her stuff out in the next two weeks.

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00] Which she's slowly doing. I've messaged all the people that need to know. And holy hell. I'm feeling loved by everyone. Her family have reached out to me. And I to them. Asking them to make sure to check in on her. And take care of her. As I can no longer do it. For the sake of my own health and protection. Her family have said they were sorry. So it seems like she's being truthful there. But I'm interested to hear what she says to her friends. I've told my friends the honest truth. And they showered me with love and hate for her. Oddly enough though. I don't feel too much hate this time around.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00] More sorry and sad for her. Because of her actions. She looks worse off now. Than when she was when we first met. I don't think she's a good person. Who's made some bad decisions. She's been trying to call me. Which I haven't been picking up. And has been messaging me about house related things. All peppered in with. I feel like I'm missing a part of myself. I really miss you. I know you shouldn't feel sorry for me. But. Etc. Thursdays were our couple's counseling days. And she messaged me asking if I was going. Messaging.

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_00] It would be best for both of us to go. But completely understand if you don't want to go. I'm thinking of skipping it. As I feel like it's too early to go see her. But would love to hear your thoughts. She was my best friend for those seven. Almost eight years. So it's difficult to see her struggle. And see this side of sadness. Guilt. And regret from her. I do hope she gets better. But for the most part. I need to look after myself. Stay busy with my creativity. And work. And keep in contact with my friends and family. Thanks again to all of you who commented. Or read this. And if you have any advice.

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_00] On how to handle these next steps. Please let me know. Thanks again. I think the first commenter on the back of that. Hit the nail on the head. Saying. If she's asking you about attending. A couple's counseling session. She believes there's a chance you'll reconcile. You should make abundantly clear. That you have no interest. Opie says. Yeah. I thought I had made that boundary. When I confronted her. And spoke about her actions. I did tell her that the trust is broken. And there's no coming back from this. Not entirely sure what her motive for me is going. To be honest.

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe she wants to explain herself. And feel less guilty for her actions. I don't know why exactly. She wants me to go. The commenter replies. Instead of going to couples counseling. For a relationship that is over. Go to individual therapy for yourself. It's a much better investment. What she's doing is manipulative. And self-serving. Don't fall for it. I know you said it's hard to see her struggle. After being friends for so many years. But she was not your friend. Her friend would not treat you the way she has. Let her deal with her own consequences.

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_00] And spend that time healing yourself. Go no contact with her if she keeps trying to weasel her way into your head with the messages and guilt trips. Protect your own peace. Opie says. Not gonna lie. She tried to call me the night after the breakup. I saw her number and just froze until it stopped ringing. I asked my housemate about this. And he said. Dude. It's your time. She's not your priority. You are. Made me a bit more happy to have control of my own life. And not have to think of another person. Someone said. Did you contact Kay's wife?

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00] If not. Please do. Opie says. I didn't. As I don't think I want to put time and energy into this. But apparently it's a pretty common thing in this part of Africa for married men to have a side piece. A commenter says. This worked out poorly for her finances. She wasn't able to poach the wealthier married man for a full relationship. And now she lost the ability to at minimum split household expenses with you. She's reduced to crashing temporarily on friends couches as a new graduate. Her work is something where she needs to grant money.

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_00] So at minimum she's not in international finance or another high paying corporate position. Being a wee university graduate. Natch? Apparently Natch is just naturally. Um. She would be better off if she can reconstruct her living situation with you for the coming months. She'd get rid of her financial stress and can afford to eat nutritious food and whip herself into excellent physical condition. Health clubs, spa treatments etc. Then she can go back out on the market. Unbeknownst to you of course.

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_00] And monkey branch to a better situation. To get there she'd have to go through some of the obligations that accompany a living situation. You might get some of the best action you've enjoyed in months. Which might be enough to take her back for this unspoken short term stay masquerading as long term commitment. Is that what you want? Or is it better that she observes her own costs rather than offloading them onto you? Opie says. Can do that. Not even if it's the best action I'll enjoy in months. The sex would only be a short term pleasure.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00] I can't think this way. I need to think long term and just focus on my own needs for a while. And one more commenter says. Do you want to go to the appointment for closure? Or would seeing her make you doubt your decision? If so, don't go. She deserves all these consequences for her actions. Opie says. This was the case. Thinking I should go for closure. I think she needs to go alone for this week. My thinking is. I'll go alone next week to see what comes up from that session. And in the final week.

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe I might want to go together for that closure. But for now. I think I need to keep myself distracted. Busy. And full of people who love me. I think it'd be wild for Opie to go to that couples counseling session after this. I just don't see any benefit to it. If you're you know. If you are separate. And there's no chance you want to stay with this person. I mean. Why would you? What can she actually say that's going to make you feel better in the end? I know closure is different for everyone. But I just can't see it.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from a throwaway account from the true off my chest subreddit. There's one that has a two year update to it. It says my fiance moved out today. I regret ruining our relationship more than anything in my life. My ex-fiance officially moved out today. She left me three weeks ago.

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00] But today she picked up the last of her things. And I signed a new lease on my own. Our son turned two last month. And we will be alternating weeks with him. I'll be getting child support starting next month. But everything else is done. It's hitting me today that it's over. Because I was the one who fucked it up. My fiance's parental leave ended six months ago. And she had to go back to work. I fucked up because I told her I was taking on extra work. I freelanced. But really, I was golfing. I told myself it was fine. But it wasn't.

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't like the chaos since her leave ended. And instead of pitching in and doing something, I did nothing. My fiance found out I was lying to her about taking extra work after I complained about the chaos. I was in denial. But I don't blame her for leaving. I'll regret this for the rest of my life. The top commenters to this one said, Enjoy the chaos that comes with single parenting 50% of the time. Another one says, Can't blame her. And I wish her well. Another one says, Good for your ex to recognize a bad partner.

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_00] And not accept poor performance and lies. Another one says, Wow, why? You essentially ran away from the relationship. Now you will be 100% caregiver every other week. And there really isn't much to say on top of those comments. Because you can't blame her, can you? Imagine actively lying in that way. Going to golf instead of being an active partner and parent. Absolutely wild. But two years later, OP did come in with that update. And said, I can't believe it's been two years.

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00] To everyone who said that being a single parent every other week was hard. You weren't kidding. I love my son. He has cerebral palsy and he's an amazing kid. When I have him, my life is chaos. And I barely have time to breathe. Then I spend the next week catching up on everything while he is with my ex-fiance. Even with the child support payments, I get kids are expensive. I wouldn't change a thing about my son though. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. My ex-fiance makes being a single parent look effortless.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00] She finds it easier not having me around. It gutted me when she said that. But now I know she's right. I left her to do all the parenting. All the work at home and be the breadwinner. But I fucked around playing golf. We only talk about our son and we're civil but not close. I've stopped freelancing. I got a job with a provincial government. I've been seeing a therapist and I've grown up a lot. I made mistakes before but I want to be better for my son. The main part of my update is that I went to therapy.

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_00] And it sucked but some better for it. When I first posted, I got lots of DMs and support from people who play golf saying my ex-fiancee is a harpy and other names. I felt vindicated back then but now I know how immature I was. A commenter says, I guess karma hit you. And now you know how hard she had it while you play golf and had a lot of free time while she was overwhelmed with parenting alone.

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter says, In the first part of the post, OP made it sound like it was like new toddler chaos kind of thing that was going on.

[00:23:39] [SPEAKER_00] You know, just dealing with the everydays of a chaotic toddler as they are sometimes, right? But she was doing 100% of the care for a child with cerebral palsy. Working, running the house and earning more while he lied to go golfing. That single sentence changed the entire weight of what she was dealing with in my opinion. And I don't want to play down growth because growth is a good thing. At least he reflected and changed for the better for his kid in the end.

[00:24:09] [SPEAKER_00] Which is a good thing but holy shit. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. Truly is absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one.

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_00] Take care and much love.