I Blew Up My Life For My Receptionist But It Turns Out She Only Wanted Me For My Money?

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we have another compilation story. Some of you guys love these, I know some of you don't as well, totally get it. So I just want to throw that warning out there straight away, this is a compilation video to get you through your work day or whatever you're doing right now. The old long form stuff. With that being said, if you do enjoy it, don't forget to hit that like, subscribe maybe, and that notification bell too. And let's crack on with it. Much love guys.

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00] Today's first story comes from a throwaway account and it says, how can I manage the resentment my girlfriend, 25 female, and I, 42 male, have for each other? I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for the absurd age gap and the way we started. And I agree, I deserve it, but I would really like some genuine advice past going to counseling. She won't agree and I can't afford it anyways. Tangible things that I can work on and

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00] introduced to help us get past this either as a couple or as effective co-parents. Long story short, Mike's wife and I were together since middle school. We have four daughters in their teens. I was a stay at home dad and part time worker for most of my life until my youngest was in middle school. My ex agreed to invest in a passion project business of mine. I had a receptionist. We started an affair and she baby trapped me. Now we're living together and have a young son.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00] She resents me because she feels she was fooled. She saw me as a business owner who had a nice car, nice clothes, took her to nice places, etc. She thought I was rich so she got pregnant on purpose. Admitted it, not an assumption. Hoping to use me to not work and sponsor a family from overseas.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00] Well actually, my ex-wife and her family are the rich ones. None of our homes were in our names. We were renting from her parents and giving them a nominal fee. With the exception that these homes could be left to my ex and me after their death. This allowed my ex's salary, up to $150k, not huge in the high cost of living area, to stretch and we lived a really good life.

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00] I left our marriage with half our savings, up to $25k, and my personal property and car. I lost my business due to a lack of funding and I did not seek alimony. I resent her because I feel I was fooled. I thought she loved me and couldn't believe the interest a young, hot woman showed in me. She was incredibly persistent and pursued me strongly. But she has no feelings for me. No care or desire.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00] Now that the ruse is dropped, I can't believe I gave up my entire life for what I see as an ego trip. I loved my ex-wife. Really, I did. And still do. But I had never been with another woman. And any attempts to open our relationship were shot down. This was like a wet dream come true and I was weak. Now both me and my girlfriend are in a place we didn't imagine.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00] She's living in a shitty apartment with an old man and still has to work. I've lost my kids, the love of my life, my family, my lifestyle, my business, and it was all 100% my own fault. She stopped being intimate with me as soon as she found out I wasn't rich. We're still together on my end because I feel like I need to have something to show for this shit show of a situation. At least I got a son and a partner out of it. At least it wasn't for nothing. And also because I don't trust her with our son.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00] She would never agree to give me full custody and she's not a good mother. I'd be worried for his safety and the people she would have him around. I honestly don't know why she hasn't left me from her end. What can I do to improve this situation? I know logically it'd be best to break up and co-parent but I'm afraid for my son and I'm embarrassed for myself. Is there a way to salvage this situation? I'm thinking of just telling her we can have an open relationship.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00] She can sleep with whoever she wants and go wherever she wants as long as she lives here so I can have my son 100% of the time. I work from home. I don't know if that's the answer here though. Work in Progress says, yikes, what a shit show. If this story is real, it sounds like karma came knocking on both of your doors. It's almost poetic that greed is what took everything away from both of you. Both of you are adults that are having to live with the consequences of your actions, of your decisions.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00] I'm just sorry that so many people, your kids and ex-wife, have to suffer along with you. Another commenter says, yep. Even now, he's shifting the blame to his ex for not allowing an open relationship. OP, you should have just accepted it and shut up. You should have seen that you and your ex had something special but instead you screwed somebody else and fucked your entire life up. Your ex and kids probably think you always wanted to cheat and never loved them because you kept asking for an open relationship.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00] What the fuck was wrong with you? You gotta take accountability for everything. Look how great that curiosity ended up for you. You could have easily not pursued it because your wife was not okay with it and it would hurt your wife and break up your family. You could but you didn't want to. You knew this could end up like this but you just didn't care. Relationships take compromise. You wanted to experiment with others. That's fine but your wife didn't want to. You should have accepted that.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00] Your family should have been more important to you than your fantasy. Instead, you kept pestering her and even after she made it clear she didn't want you to. You fucked the first woman that gave you attention. Look how well that worked out for you. Your daughters and ex are probably even more pissed off because you used your ex's money to hire your girlfriend and have an affair and son with her. Best thing is to just break up with her, get a custody agreement and take care of your son.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00] There's absolutely no way your daughters will even think about having a relationship with you as long as you're in a relationship with your girlfriend. Your son also doesn't deserve to live in that environment. Actions have consequences. A 42 year old man should have known that. Hope all the pain caused to others was worth the life you have now. Deary me. Just absolute awful decision after awful decision all the way to the very end of this.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00] Even to the point when he was suggesting open relationship again on the end. I was just like for fuck's sake bro, come on. But OP did update the post, jeez. And it says,

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00] You're still living with the affair partner. True Crime Fanatic says,

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00] All I can say is give them space and time. They may never get there. The best you may ever get from them is being cordial. They may move on eventually. I can't imagine learning this info as a kid. I was an adult and it really messed with my head. Especially as a girl. Like as if I haven't been cheated on my damn self and had to get over that. Then I found out my dad does it too. Shit you not only fucked up her view of you. Now she has to be extra cautious of all men.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00] Just really complicated man. I learned this shit five years ago. I can't look at my dad the same way. He and my mom stayed together. And she died recently. He seems devastated and cries all the damn time. And he wants sympathy from me and my siblings. And we just have none. So it was two months after that update that OP came in again and says good news. My girlfriend and I have broken up. She's gone back to her home country and left my son with me.

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00] Refused to sign any formal custody agreement. So I'm hoping she stays there and doesn't bother us again. I'm pretty sure if she comes back and demands time with him. Have a good case for maintaining custody. She's not even interested in FaceTiming with him. So he remembers her. I feel bad that my son will deal with a shitty slash absent mother. But I hope I can get him into therapy as he grows. Bad news. I've tried my best to insist on visitation with my daughters. And that has fallen through. They absolutely refused to see me.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_00] They wrote me a letter together that says how much they hate me. How betrayed they feel. How they'll never forgive me. And how my son will never be their brother. To not even bother telling him about them. Because they'll never be interested in knowing him. Just forget about them all together. And move on with my new family. I have no legal recourse. The youngest is 13 now. Old enough to have a say in custody arrangements. And I don't think forcing them to see me would do me any favors long term anyways.

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00] They also included pictures of their mother's wedding. My ex has no obligation to tell me about her personal life. But I'm pretty pissed that there is a man living with my daughters that I didn't know about. Shake my head. It is a family friend that has been in their lives 10 plus years. So not a total stranger. It's still hurt to see pictures of their recent wedding and family pictures with my daughters. They mention that they have a father figure and don't need me anyways. The whole thing really hurt.

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_00] I know I have no right to feel hurt that my ex has moved on when I cheated on her. But their whole relationship has moved very fast. So I'm now wondering if they started before we got divorced. No way to know now. It doesn't matter anyways. My ex agreed to keep me up to date and send pictures of my daughters once in a while. After dealing with my son's mom. I'm grateful she is so good to our girls. And I don't have to worry about their well being. I'm trying to focus on being a good dad to my son.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_00] And patiently waiting for my girls to grow up and reach out. It may never happen. But I'm hopeful that they will understand me more as they become adults. And gain context for life. And we have another update in a moment. But Cutie Bobootie says. Well I guess you didn't like what you reaped after you had so much fun sewing. Marco Polio says. Well well well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions. Contrive says. You're telling me my actions have consequences. When I do the wrong thing. It's actually my fault.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00] Absurd. I refuse to believe this. Three years later. Opie came back. And says. I've been away for several years. Most of you have heard my story. So I won't bore you with any of the details. I deleted my old account. Because I was too embarrassed to ever come back to it. I took the advice I was given. I left my daughters alone. And I've not heard from them since. Which is understandable. I did finally get myself in therapy. And realized what a gross piece of shit I was.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_00] To the five most important people in the world to me at the time. In the end. I came to the conclusion that I needed to accept the fact that. They were simply gone. Seven months after their final contact. I wrote my ex-wife an email. Saying I did not want any further updates on their lives. And that I would never contact any of them again. She agreed. And stopped sending me emails shortly afterwards. It was painful for a long while. And I thought I'd just punish myself forever. I agreed with the general conclusion of the commenters.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_00] That I was slash am a narcissist. And in retrospect. I probably had no business being a father. I began to read books more often. In an effort to gain perspective. In between taking care of my son. And doing the best I could. To make sure I appreciated how horrible I was. And probably still am. Five months ago. One of the regulars at my place of business. Took an interest in me. And asked me for my number. I was pretty wary for obvious reasons. But I agreed. Knowing how prone I am to be in an utter. See you next Tuesday.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_00] To everyone I care about. I was pretty upfront with her. That I cheated on my ex-wife. And had no contact with my former family. I figured that would kill her interest. But surprisingly not. She did end up interrogating me. Pretty harshly over it. Which I let her do. Because I definitely needed to be dressed down over it. By someone besides my therapist. So now she and her seven-year-old daughter. She was widowed three years ago. Are with me in their house with my son. And we seem to be tentatively forming a new family.

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00] I'm very paranoid about something going wrong. So whenever I'm not working. I always go straight to their place or mine. And ask her to come over. I like to think I've learned my lesson. But many said here to me. Cheaters usually relapse. I have zero desire to do so. But can a person truly change like that? I hope so. I will not cheat on her. I know it. But my past haunts me when I think about it. If my son ever asks me how things came to be. I'll tell him the truth. When he's old enough to understand.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_00] He may not be family by blood. But the four of us are a family. And I will always be there for both of my kids. One thing that bothers me is how detached I feel from my previous family. I can honestly say I don't love any of my former daughters anymore. And they obviously don't love me. And that's fine. I feel completely at peace with it. My son, his new sibling, and his new mother are my second chance. And I've embraced it. But what does that say about me? I've spent 16 years with them.

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00] And in less than 3 years I've been able to completely emotionally detach from them. I've made it a point to not use social media so they can't see my new life. My girlfriend shares my disdain for it. But aside from that our existences do not affect one another anymore. I have a new father and role model. And I have a new family. It is done. That is all I have to say Reddit. Now feel free to tell me to fuck off since I deserve it. And the final comment on this one says I'm sorry you've been dating this woman for 5 months.

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_00] And her 7 year old daughter is already living with you or at least spending serious time at your house. This is not someone who is acting in the best interest of their kid. Like attracts like I guess. Enjoy dating a fellow shitty parent. Another commenter says And he's calling his son's new mum. Bro needs to chill. Strong Bottle says You need to calm down with the whole family thing. Your relationship is ridiculously new. But doing the same thing you did with your ex-girlfriend.

[00:16:37] [SPEAKER_00] You're just rushing into things and not thinking things through. You should probably just resent your children because they didn't forgive you. And that's why you don't have those loving parental feelings. You probably think I was your primary parent. And this is what you do to me. And it was like the comments said. It just feels like he's just making the same mistakes all over again. 5 months into dating this widow. And he's already moved a 7 year old daughter into his life. Calling you know the new mum stuff. Declaiming that they're a family.

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00] It just sounds incredibly messy. And something that's going to follow the same path over and over again. But shit. What do you guys make of that one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. No updated yet. But it's from ComfortableBird3049. And it says Am I the Arsehole? Not going to my twins wedding.

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_00] I24 male have an identical twin. We're not close. But I thought we had basic mutual respect. That belief was tested. I grew up in a traditional southern town. And only began coming out in college. About 5 years ago. It's been slow. Especially with family. But since moving to DC in 23 for school and work. I felt more comfortable living authentically. After moving I met my boyfriend 26 male.

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_00] And we'd been together for 2 years. Over time I've introduced him to friends and family. And I felt safe. Cut to November of 24. I was home for the holidays. And told my twin and his fiance about my boyfriend. They seemed happy for me. While staying with them. Wedding details arose. And they asked if I'd be bringing a date. I said yes. My boyfriend. My twin had gone to bed. But his fiance said. While there are pros and cons. It's up to you if you want to bring him.

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00] That felt like a green light. My twin constantly deferred to her on decisions. So I didn't think I needed to double check. 5 months passed. My boyfriend and I have spent $1300 on travel. Flights, hotel etc. 3 weeks before the wedding. I mentioned on a call with my brother. That we were all set. His tone shifted. Oh. Is boyfriend actually coming? I reminded him of the convo with his fiance. He said she never gave me permission.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00] And accused me of making it up. Then said. We can't allow your boyfriend to come. We worry how dad's side will react. I offered to call dad on the spot. He dodged. Saying he'd check with his fiance. Despite just saying it was his decision. An hour later. No change. I was still invited. Alone. Still expected to buy a groomsman match suiting. Even though I wasn't in the party. And show up smiling. That's when I snapped. I asked.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00] If I didn't invite your fiance to my wedding. Would you still come? He couldn't answer. And ended the call after some harsh words. Trying to make things right. I came out to my dad. Which I feared for years. To explain the situation. He was surprisingly indifferent. And even said uninvited my boyfriend was extreme. He offered to talk to extended family. I thought I was removing the main obstacle. Weeks later. My twin called again. He now claimed our friends would be weirded out.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] So the excuse shifted. I said. If my boyfriend's not invited. I'm not coming. He didn't budge. Here's the kicker. Days later. My dad told me. The fiance admitted. She did give me permission. But changed her mind. When she remembered. Who would be there. She denied this to my twin. Also one of her bridesmaids. Is openly gay. And brought her girlfriend. But according to the fiance. She's not part of the family. So it's different. So I didn't go.

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00] I'm wondering if I made the wrong call. My absence was noticed. I got texts asking where I was. My mom had to explain it repeatedly. So instead of avoiding attention. My absence became the story. My relationship with my twin is dead. And some family ties are now fragile. Part of me wonders. Should I have sucked it up and gone alone? Just to preserve bonds. That shaped my early life. So am I the arsehole for skipping the wedding? Nope Dragon says.

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_00] You came out to your dad. Got gaslit by your twin. Got lied to by the fiance. And still tried to make peace. You did more than enough. They chose drama. Not you. General says. Not the arsehole. You did the right thing. Now you know who your twin and his wife are. I'm glad you talked to your father. That must have been a relief. I'm sorry about the others in your family. Kat Colleen says. Not the arsehole. Your dad being indifferent slash supportive.

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00] Came so far out of left field. It would have been fine if that had resolved the issue. After all. Backlash from family is a major reason why people are afraid of coming out. And even just supporting a queer family member can lead to negative experiences. With the homophobes in the extended family. That's not what happened. The excuse shifted. Okay. Maybe the friends. Oh. There's a lesbian bridesmaid. Who's allowed to bring a girlfriend. Sorry. But your brother and his wife are awful.

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_00] Your absence becoming the story isn't your fault. It's just one of those natural consequences of their decisions. You did everything right here. And you was more than reasonable. You know. He was offering solutions. You drew a reasonable boundary. Et cetera. Et cetera. You came out to your dad. Which was like. Whoa. But personally. I think you should be absolutely proud of your choice. You stood up for yourself. And your relationship. When it mattered the most. Some relationships just aren't worth preserving.

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_00] If they require you to hide who you are. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Our next story comes from. A deleted user and says. Am I the asshole. For being mad at my husband. After he let our daughter shave her head. This story starts. We have a certain tradition in my family. During the summer. All children in age 10. Have their hair dyed.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00] Currently with a special dye that wears off after a few days. We dress in colorful clothes. Decorate my grandparents house. And celebrate for three days and three nights. There's cake. Presents. Various contests. And so on. It's a family tradition. Not a matter of culture or country. And it comes from the time when my great grandmother. Lost many children before they turned 10. Well. My daughter turns 10 this year. She is one of three children in this age.

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_00] The celebration was scheduled for August 1st. Everything was going well. She was very happy. And then I went on a business trip. When I came back. My daughter had a shaved head. Honestly. I was shocked. Because during this time. I did not receive any information. Or even a photo. I asked my husband what happened. And he said. He and our daughter was watching some cartoon together. And one of the characters had shaved her hair. So our daughter decided she wanted to shave hers too. And he agreed.

[00:23:55] [SPEAKER_00] That caused a lot of drama. We had a bit of an argument. And honestly at the time. I was more concerned that he had allowed her to shave her head. On such a small impulse. But the next day. My mother came in. And a conversation about tradition began. You know. How to dye hair that doesn't exist. My mother suggested a wig. Or just painting my daughter's head. But my daughter burst into tears. Because she realized. She'd be the only 10 year old. Whose hair wouldn't be dyed.

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_00] She also refuses to go to the celebration now. Because it won't be the same. And now she's mad. And my husband is furious with me. Thinking the whole tradition is stupid. And that it's the tradition's fault. That our daughter is upset. I on the other hand think. He was irresponsible. And he should have thought about what he was doing. Before he started shaving her head. Yes. My husband knows about the tradition. He's been there twice. Edit. Yes. My daughter is completely bald now. As for.

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_00] What if one of the kids doesn't want to dye their hair? The answer is that my brother was their kid. So on the day of the celebration. He wore a rainbow wig. And no one had a problem with it. The thing is. As I've already pointed out. My daughter doesn't want wigs or head paint. She wants dyed hair. Edit 2. I've noticed that many people in the comments have a strange view of this tradition. So I want to clarify something. No we're not talking about dead children.

[00:25:20] [SPEAKER_00] Nor is there a cemetery like atmosphere. Although it began with many deaths. It is a celebration of life and joy. Something like a huge birthday. That's why everyone dresses colorfully. That's why we paint ourselves and decorate our houses. And that's why children get presents. Bomberg mama says not the arsehole. It's her hair to do what she wants with. But she's 10. Too young to remember stuff when she's excited. Or think much about consequences. Your husband should have remembered the party.

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_00] Which is already scheduled. And not that long away. And asked daughter if she was sure she wanted to do it. Because it wouldn't grow back in time to die for the party. Or at least ask if she wanted to wait until after the party. And then if she wanted to do it. She could. Hazel wisp replies saying yeah this. At 10. Kids don't always think ahead. They get caught up in the moment. That's where the parent is supposed to step in and say. Hey. Let's hold off until after the party. And if you still want to shave it.

[00:26:19] [SPEAKER_00] We'll do it then. It's not about controlling her. It's about helping her avoid regrets later. Now she's upset. Because she feels like she ruined something she was excited about. And that could have easily been avoided. One comedian says. Think a lot of people are missing how upset the child now is. And realizing the consequences of her actions. As a responsible parent. Her dad should have maybe had at least a conversation surrounding the tradition. But not gone along with an implausible idea from a 10 year old. Like the people saying OP is in the wrong is crazy.

[00:26:50] [SPEAKER_00] And just to add on the back of that comment. There was a few yorly assholes in there saying. You know the hair will grow back. She should be able to make her own choice. Maybe they're actively trying to avoid the tradition. Susanna Starr says. What Egypt parents let a 10 year old shave her head. For no other reason than she saw it on a cartoon. Let alone without even discussing it with her mother. It will grow back. But not overnight. And dad needs to be a parent instead of a buddy. What will she want next? I think he thinks the celebration is dumb.

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_00] So ruined it for her. It sounds like daughter enjoys being part of the celebration. But she has learned a hard lesson. Her actions have consequences. That's why parents are supposed to guide children's choices. Buzzy Top replies saying. I bet you wouldn't say that about a boy. How many boys have buzz cuts with no guard on clippers? Not all girls want long princess hair. It's just hair. It will grow back. So OP did come in with an update. And said.

[00:27:48] [SPEAKER_00] So a few things happened since yesterday. And taken advantage of the fact that it's currently 11am. In my country. And I'm home alone. I'd like to share this with you. I guess I'll start by saying that many of you were right. Even if you were wrong about the reasons. So three hours after I published my first post. My husband's sister came over to pick up my daughter. I decided to take the opportunity and ask her for help. Figuring she was the perfect neutral person.

[00:28:16] [SPEAKER_00] My husband wasn't happy and strongly opposed it. Thinking it was unnecessary to still drag this out. But I asked his sister to talk to my daughter about what had happened anyway. She, my husband's sister, currently has a mohawk. So I asked her simply to start with her hairstyles and then get to how it all started. She agreed. They returned around 11pm. We waited until our daughter had gone to bed. Then we sat down in the kitchen and started talking.

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_00] Well, my husband tried to end this conversation many times. But I finally learned this. The fact is that he and our daughter watched a cartoon where a character shaves her hair. The fact is that my daughter found it interesting. But that's where the daddy started encouraging us to do this and saying it would be great part comes in. My daughter told his sister how he convinced her that it would be more fun this way. And that this way she would be able to better play the character in that game.

[00:29:11] [SPEAKER_00] When my husband's sister left, we started arguing. I don't know if it's still obvious, but even as I write this, I'm still pissed. At first, my husband defended himself, trying to say that his sister was biased and that it was all lies. And that the idea was 100% our daughter's. But in the end, he told the truth. Yes, he convinced her to cut her hair. No, it wasn't just about stupid tradition. It's worse.

[00:29:37] [SPEAKER_00] You see, before the date of the celebration was set this year, August 1st, my husband wanted to go on a week-long vacation to Greece. It was supposed to start August 1st. So, yes, my husband shaved our daughter's head to get back at me for taking away his vacation. He thought that this way we would avoid reuniting with my family or at least I would feel what he felt. Yes, I too don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[00:30:03] [SPEAKER_00] It ended with me sleeping on the couch, him taking the bedroom and going to work in the morning. Now our daughter is currently with my parents while I consider my next move. I don't want arguing again, but I'm certainly not going to leave it like that. Edits. Okay, I appreciate all the comments and as I wrote, our daughter is currently staying with my parents. That said, when I took her to them, we talked. The good news is that we joked a bit about the fact that at least now we don't have to comb her hair.

[00:30:33] [SPEAKER_00] The atmosphere was better than in recent days. Together, we found some positives in this whole situation. And using your advice, I've also decided to assure her that she still looks wonderful and that nothing that had happened was her fault and I'm not mad at her. Unfortunately, the bad news is that she is still sad. She said she still wanted to have her hair dyed and that she's already starting to miss plaits. Vid producer said to the OP, your husband used your daughter to get back at you. Girl, run for the both of you.

[00:31:03] [SPEAKER_00] Moody B says, seriously, that level of pettiness at your own kid's expense is a huge red flag. Poor kid doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle. Sophia Dream Jew says, I'd be in jail. You mess with my kid to spite me. That's not petty. That's straight up cruel. I don't care if it's just hair. That's a fucking innocent child, not an emotional punching bag. Lisa Knows Best says, can you ever trust your husband alone with your daughter again? He used her to punish you. Think about that.

[00:31:33] [SPEAKER_00] Now she's upset because she was too young to understand the results of shaving her head. Your husband is disgusting. OP says, oh, I'm definitely thinking about it. I'm going to pack up some of our daughter's things and take them to my parents' house. I won't let her be around him until this whole thing calms down. Goddess from Cyprus says, what on earth? Who's getting back at you? Has he behaved this way before? Will he do it again is my worry. How far would he go? I'm not sure what you can do about your daughter's hair.

[00:32:03] [SPEAKER_00] Is there a single-hour actress she likes that wears a wig to change her hair? If so, maybe show her to encourage her to try. OP says, you see, the strangest thing is that I can't recall a single situation where he was this extreme. Did we ever argue or disagree on something? Sure. But he never used our daughter against me or became like that. He usually went normal. A small argument followed by an apology and a normal conversation.

[00:32:30] [SPEAKER_00] Literally, just a few days ago, I would have called him a good father and husband. Eagle mama says more like he's playing the long game. Waiting for his choice to get his revenge on you for all the years of those celebrations. I think his mask has slipped. Using your child as a pawn as an adult argument is reprehensible. OP says it would be even more crazy considering that we've only been to two celebrations together so far. They didn't happen every year. Gee, bloody whiz.

[00:32:59] [SPEAKER_00] That ending is absolutely terrifying that he's used his 10-year-old as a weapon against his wife. He didn't just let her shave her head. He actively encouraged it. Knowing it would ruin something that she was excited about. All because he was mad about missing a trip to Greece. Manipulating a child to do that. Oh my word. And after the fact, blamed his daughter. And eventually hurting his child to hurt his own wife.

[00:33:28] [SPEAKER_00] Absolutely terrifying. And simply, when someone shows you that they're willing to go to those extremes, how do you trust that again? I don't think there's any way back from that. You just believe them the first time. And completely off. Well, not off topic. But off the actual what's going on in that situation. I'm being completely honest. I found the tradition a bit odd at the beginning. The way that it was initially explained, you know, specifically 10-year-old. The great-grandma losing kids. So they have this dynamic where they're dying 10-year-old's hair because of it.

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, it came across a bit odd to me. I know OP said it's like a celebration of life. Which does sound nicer. But I'd be lying if my eyebrows weren't like, what? What's going on here at the start of this story? But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:34:22] [SPEAKER_00] Now, our next story comes from FeistyGreen1894 from the Relationships Advice subreddit. And it says, relationship trouble due to female friendship. I've 30 male, been dating my girlfriend, 30 female for nine months. And I'm fully in love with her. We've talked about marriage and family soon. And she's the one for me. However, we are having major issues over female friendships I have. I've traveled a lot and have a lot of different friends.

[00:34:52] [SPEAKER_00] Male and female. From different portions of my life. Since high school, I've been best friends with a girl, Emma. We've never had any romantic interest on either side. And went to the same college. Worked at the same job for a while. And stayed very close. Would help each other with relationship advice, etc. I also became platonic friends. Same thing, no romantic interest either side. With a girl, Anna, in college. And we stayed friends.

[00:35:20] [SPEAKER_00] Traveled together, etc. in our 20s. When my girlfriend and I started our relationship. In the first couple of weeks, she got upset about Instagram comments Anna made on a post of mine. And didn't believe me that our relationship was platonic. I stopped really responding to Anna out of respect for this. And basically ended our friendship. Which I regret. Due to this, I was scared to tell my girlfriend that I had a best friend in Emma. So I didn't. This was a major mistake by me.

[00:35:49] [SPEAKER_00] I should have been open from the start. And really regret this. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend saw texts from Emma. And asked who she was, etc. And got really upset. Justifiably. That I had a close female friend I hadn't told her about. The texts were Emma asking when I was free to give her a call back. And my girlfriend took this as us going behind her back. She assumed since I hadn't told her, I was being shady with Emma slash pursuing a romantic relationship.

[00:36:17] [SPEAKER_00] She gave me an ultimatum that I had to cut off Emma. Block her on everything, etc. Or our relationship was over. To save the relationship, I did this. And thought that I could move forward. However, I've now become resentful of my girlfriend. Especially because she has a male best friend and has other male friends as well. She was open about these friendships from the beginning. Which was my mistake in not doing the same. I never used to be jealous of this. And I trust her.

[00:36:45] [SPEAKER_00] But I've become resentful that she can have these male friendships. And I can't have female friendships. She had... She has been treated poorly in past relationships and has been hurt and cheated on. So I understand her perspective. And I really wish I didn't cause this problem by not being upfront. I'm struggling to get over my jealousy and resentment. I feel very guilty for just cutting Emma off like that. She used to really rely on me for advice and friendship. So I just need to get over this. Any advice?

[00:37:15] [SPEAKER_00] I really love my girlfriend so much and want to find a way to make it work. Thank you. Cafeteria Monitor says to OP. This is a fundamental incompatibility. If someone being with you is contingent on you cutting off all your female friends. Including your best friend. Who you've only ever been platonic with. That's not the right person to spend your life with. You fucked up by not making it known early on that you have female friends who are really important to you. And who you want to keep in your life.

[00:37:44] [SPEAKER_00] And by not breaking it up when it became clear that this would be a problem for her. I do not think there is any way to talk your way out of the current situation. Because hiding Emma was a super shady thing to do. You have to look at what happened and realize that you subconsciously knew you two were not compatible. And were scared of facing that reality. OP replied simply saying thanks for your input. Really appreciate it. Celtic Glitter says. So were the texts from Anna flirty?

[00:38:12] [SPEAKER_00] If so have you and Anna been friends with benefits? OP says neither Emma or Anna and I have ever been friends with benefits or anything romantic or sexual at all. No. The texts were not flirty. They were asking when I was free for a call. Which my girlfriend took as us going behind her back. If I had been upfront about having this friend. The texts wouldn't have been an issue. So it was at some point later that OP did come in with an update and said.

[00:38:39] [SPEAKER_00] I previously posted about my girlfriend getting really mad at me about my female friendships. And making me cut my best friends off. I recently went through her texts for the first time since we started dating. Nine months ago. And found out that she had consistently been texting this guy. 30 male. That she had told me was just a friend. She says they've only hooked up once. Well before we started dating. And the texts back this up. But they have had sexual and flirty texts going for months. And she sent one nude.

[00:39:08] [SPEAKER_00] I am crushed. She's extremely apologetic. She swears she's going to change. She sent a text cutting the guy off. Says she is willing to go to therapy. Will do anything to keep me. She said she was projecting her insecurities on me about my friend. And says I can have my friends back etc. I've texted my friends who I cut off. But they very understandably have not responded. She says she will do anything for a second chance. I do love her so much still.

[00:39:35] [SPEAKER_00] But I don't know if I'm crazy for putting up with stuff like this. And giving her another chance. TwinTurbo says yes you would be crazy for giving this woman another chance. Commenter says therapy in a relationship of nine fucking months. Every one of which has been cheating on you. It's a joke right? Another commenter says especially at that age. My eyes have rolled so far I can see my brain. Low patient says right. I'm confused why he's confused at what to do.

[00:40:04] [SPEAKER_00] She forced him to cut off friends while she was sexting. Seems like an easy choice here. And it's crazy how common we see projection in stories like this. And it's incredibly sad at the same time that he's even considering staying with her. Nine months they've been together. And for this time they've been together nine months. And for this whole period she's been sexting and flirting with this other guy. And I wouldn't be surprised if they actually hooked up at the same time as well.

[00:40:34] [SPEAKER_00] But after where she said you know she was projecting her insecurities on him. And then says to OP. Oh you can have your friends back. It's like yeah fucking cheers for that. She made him cut off his friendships. And then she's done this to him. She's basically isolated him from everyone around. And not even sure if these friends are going to want anything to do with him anymore. I hope they do see his side of things and what was going on. But who knows. But just looking at this from the outside.

[00:41:00] [SPEAKER_00] And seeing you know these 30 year olds having this amount of drama. Within a nine month relationship. It's like come on now. This really isn't the one is it. But what do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Our next story comes from TraditionalGur6100. And it says am I the arsehole here?

[00:41:28] [SPEAKER_00] For not allowing my future sister-in-law to use our neighborhood pool. So some background. My girlfriend I'm proposing next month. And I currently have an apartment in a very nice neighborhood. We are fortunate enough to also have access to the clubhouse pool. Which we frequently go to to cool off after we've been working all day. A bit on my girlfriend's sister. She is a little wild. And is known for excessive public drinking.

[00:41:57] [SPEAKER_00] And causing scenes wherever she goes. Anyway. To the story. Last Monday my girlfriend got home from work. And said that her sister wanted to go to the pool while she was at work. Her sister doesn't really work. Only one to two days a week. And still lives at home. Their conversation looked like this. Girlfriend said. How are you going to get into the pool without a car to get there. And without our key card. She said. I will just Uber. And I can look around our parents house for that spare key you gave them.

[00:42:27] [SPEAKER_00] Girlfriend said. I think they lost it. But you can try. Opie then continues. Now. It was a short conversation. But a few things. One. Her sister is a known klepto. Who steals and pawns stuff in order to go to bars. It's happened multiple times at her parents house. Where she has stolen things to make money. Two. She does not have a car. Because she has crashed five. And cannot have a license for another few years. Three. She has only been in our apartment.

[00:42:56] [SPEAKER_00] When either my girlfriend is there. Or we both are. But reason number one. That's invited random people over. While we were there without us knowing. For the reasons above. I expressed to my girlfriend. That I don't think we should allow her into our apartment alone. Without one of us present. As well as we could get in trouble with the HOA or complex. If she were to get into it with anyone or anything. Which could cause issues for us down the road. Along with this. I also said. We need to have a conversation with her parents.

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_00] To let them know to. Either find the key and give it back to us. Or hide it in a spot her sister would never look. My girlfriend kind of shrugged it off. And said that it's not a big deal. She can go to the pool. It's not like anything would happen. And we wouldn't get in trouble. If anything were to happen. I feel like if I keep pushing it. May cause issues between. Me and my future sister-in-law. But selfishly. I don't want her around our stuff. But can't help feeling like an asshole. Am I in the wrong?

[00:43:57] [SPEAKER_00] Edit. I feel like I gotta say this. Because I did paint her in a bad light unintentionally. My girlfriend is nothing like her sister. And that's why I love her. She's hardworking. Smart. And genuinely. A one of a kind person. As for her family. Excluding her sister. They are all hardworking. Genuine people. So not sure exactly what happened. In the three year age difference. Between the two. For the most part. We're on the same page about her sister. They had a rocky relationship with her.

[00:44:27] [SPEAKER_00] And she wants to believe. She's changing for the better. But I think it's getting harder and harder. My girlfriend to think that. She cut out contact with her. At the beginning of the year. Which was a whole thing. But now she's wanting to be the bigger person. And try to fix what she can. Absolutely not the arsehole. In this situation. And you don't need to be the bigger person. The girlfriend doesn't need to be the bigger person here. Because you know. It's up to her to prove herself. She's got a track record of. You know. Theft. Property damage.

[00:44:57] [SPEAKER_00] Crashing five cars. Bringing random people over without permission. Causing public scenes. And your girlfriend is like. Yeah. Giving her unsupervised access to your apartment. And your community. The pool. Is no big deal. And we've read a lot of stories about HOAs. And they don't mess around. When it comes to violations. And all that kind of stuff. Obviously. I don't know the ins and outs. I just know the stories that I've read. And they're always usually in the negative. So. You know. You have to take what I said there.

[00:45:26] [SPEAKER_00] With a pinch of salt. But I'm sure. If she was to turn up to the pool. If you did allow her to. You know. And she caused an issue. It would fall back on you in the end. Because you allowed her to do this. You gave her access. Quite frankly. I wouldn't want her anywhere near the property at all. Not even in your house when she's supervised. Just because of the past history there. You know. She needs to earn that trust back. That's on her. I certainly wouldn't be putting up with that nonsense. A commenter says. Dude. This sounds like a nightmare. Not the arsehole.

[00:45:55] [SPEAKER_00] Set boundaries. If the girlfriend can't support and respect them. As well as understand the financial liability her sister causes. Do not propose. Explain where you are coming from. Explain this is a hard boundary. And if she cannot respect it. And you. That you need to think about the future. Hope you reply saying. Let me preface. My girlfriend is usually on my side. When it comes to her sister. They've had their own issues. And it's just one small thing that we don't see eye to eye with. We're still talking through it all.

[00:46:26] [SPEAKER_00] And overall I think we both think the same regarding this. It's just different to my girlfriend because that's her big sister. Who's her family. Family is very important to her. As a side note. Commenter reply saying. Family or not. Big sister who acts like a child. Or not. Liability. Is liability. You and the girlfriend are on the lease. Not the sister. If her sister does something. Who is legally and financially responsible. Who will the management company hold responsible.

[00:46:55] [SPEAKER_00] Some rando or the people they have a contract with. Hope you says. Good point. I texted her. And we're going to sit down and talk about it tonight. I will update you all on what happens. Hopefully I won't have to return to the ring. Lol. Commenter says. Are you sure you want to marry into this family. This is some serious baggage. Hope you says. Her sister is usually the outlier. My girlfriend and her parents are all hard working. Air quotes. Normal people. So.

[00:47:25] [SPEAKER_00] It is strange when I think about it. I have almost popped the question before. But didn't because of family. But I actually get along with her parents and extended family very well. It's just her sister. Which I'm not sure what to think of. Another commenter says. As someone who worked in property management for both apartments and an HOA. I hated when families would show up to use the facilities without the actual resident. And then get butt hurt when asked to leave.

[00:47:50] [SPEAKER_00] If a resident gave their keys to a non-resident and were not present when using the facilities. It would mean they would lose their privileges. At one warning. Second was never again. My boss trespassed a teenage boy and his friends for coming without parents. Rules are rules. She is your guest. You're taking responsibility for her. You're responsible for what she does. You could lose your privileges. And I bet if you read your lease slash HOA rules. It would have something stated in there about the use of facilities.

[00:48:20] [SPEAKER_00] Which may cause you to be evicted. OP says. This is great insight into it. Thank you. And the final commenter says to OP. OP you can ask your management to reissue you new key cards due to losing one. Ask them to deactivate the old ones. Had to do this with an old key fob I lost from my community's pool. Also being the bigger person doesn't mean giving in. She was already no contact.

[00:48:45] [SPEAKER_00] Being the bigger person is giving her another chance with the exception that boundaries are established and respected. That second part is important for rebuilding trust. OP says. The issue with the first part is that a new key card is something crazy like $250. Which won't kill me but just seems outrageous. My girlfriend is about to get home from work. So we're about to talk. But I will make an update post tomorrow. Letting you all know how it goes. Kind of nervous but also excited in a weird way.

[00:49:14] [SPEAKER_00] I just think depending on how this conversation goes. Tells me what I'll be doing next month. So OP does come in with that update. First off I just want to say thank you for everyone's advice. Especially those who have been in a similar situation. So last night my girlfriend got home from work. And we had a conversation about the whole ordeal. I started off with how many of you suggested I brought up a copy of our lease agreement. As well as our HOA slash clubhouse rules.

[00:49:42] [SPEAKER_00] In both it clearly states that any guests who use the facilities provided must be accompanied by the owners of the lease. Failure to do this may lead to immediate eviction or financial liability. After pointing this out my girlfriend said she understood that part. And she's been thinking about how she acted during this whole thing as well. She went on to explain that for once she just wanted to treat her sister as a big sister. And not a kid that constantly needed watching.

[00:50:11] [SPEAKER_00] Well I guess after giving her examples of ways this could backfire on us. The sisters already thin trust with us. She agreed with me. And we decided it would be best to do the following. 1. Try and find the spare key from her parents house and retrieve it. My girlfriend is going to try and do this today. 2. Contact our landlords and have our locks changed. This works out because our front door locks are starting to stick. 3. Set clear boundaries with the sister.

[00:50:38] [SPEAKER_00] This includes not being here unless one of us is present. No invitation to random people to come over. If that is done she has to leave. And if anything is not followed then contact will be cut. My girlfriend already sent her a text message about this. And I told her I can be the bad guy if she would like me to. Her mum actually called me today. And said that what I did was a very adult way to go about it all. And she appreciates me also standing up for my girlfriend to her sister.

[00:51:05] [SPEAKER_00] The biggest thing that I also think helped was putting this in future perspective with my girlfriend. I laid out a scenario of when we, hopefully, have a house one day and kids as well. Would we let someone who has a known alcohol problem, as well as issues with stealing and safety, watch our children alone? She started to cry and said no. I explained to her that's why we need hard boundaries now. So that they are not crossed in the future when we have bigger responsibilities. I have a few other things to say so may make an edit.

[00:51:35] [SPEAKER_00] But again, thank you to everyone for their advice. You really put it into perspective for us. A commenter said to OP, not the arsehole. I think you're doing the right thing by setting clear boundaries early on. But I can see how it might feel overwhelming to handle such a sensitive situation with family dynamics involved. What if there's a way to involve a neutral third party to mediate without making things more complicated? OP says, if it gets to that point to where I need a neutral third party, I will consider it.

[00:52:04] [SPEAKER_00] As for now, it seems like what I did has worked. But who knows, I might be posting again next month. Thankfully, even her parents are silently on my side as well. That will maybe count for something. A commenter who was downvoted says, Maybe my family is different. But you don't need to ask to come over. It's auto. This is my house and my family's house. And they can walk in and do whatever they want with whoever they want. But clearly we come from two different cultures.

[00:52:33] [SPEAKER_00] So if your girl is okay with it, then by all means. But my man, no, my family is showing whenever they want with whoever they want. OP replies saying it may be a cultural difference, which is okay. I just don't think it's very appropriate to have a family member bring a random over without informing you first. But I guess I could be the weird one. That goes for my side of the family as well. Another commenter says, You handled it super well. Laying out the rules and talking it through calmly was the right move.

[00:53:03] [SPEAKER_00] Just stick to your plan if your sister tries to push it again. Because keeping those boundaries firm will save a lot of future drama. OP says, That's the name of the game now. Just keeping the boundaries in place and followed. And the last commenter says, Just here to say I'm proud of you. You did the right thing. And thank you for supporting your girlfriend. OP says, I feel like that's part of why I'm here, you know. She has a hard time standing up for herself. And I've seen big improvements by her in this.

[00:53:32] [SPEAKER_00] Anytime something happens to her, we always talk it out. And maybe different ways to handle it. That downvoted commenter was wild, man. That, you know, my family can walk in and do whatever they want with whoever they want. I mean, what the hell? There's a massive difference between, you know, having an open door policy with trustworthy family or people. You know, that used to be what happened where I lived when I was younger. Neighbors would walk into each other's house. But as soon as someone was disrespecting, you know, people's houses, they just weren't allowed in anymore.

[00:54:01] [SPEAKER_00] It's as simple as that. Doesn't matter if it's family or who. If they come in stealing, you know, damaging property or whatever, why would you allow them in again? Bloody hell. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throw away account. And it says, I, 24 female, just broke off my engagement with my fiancee, 26 male,

[00:54:30] [SPEAKER_00] because he told me he wasn't ready when proposing. We're going to therapy, but I feel like I gave up already. Help. Hi. So, I, 24 female, and my fiancee, 26 male, have been together for six years, living together for two years, and engaged for one year and two months. We've been a really cool couple. Same sense of humor. We have common interests. We enjoy the same things. We're basically one person at this point. I thought we had great communication.

[00:55:00] [SPEAKER_00] Turns out, I was wrong. The one thing is, I feel like his mother. He takes no initiative. He doesn't initiate physical contact. Not even mentioning sex here, but it's a bigger problem. No initiative makes me feel really unattractive. He won't ask me out for dates, won't hug me, or cuddle with me until I ask. So, I do it all. I arrange dates. I try to get closer, to communicate more. I decide what we do and where we go out, etc.

[00:55:28] [SPEAKER_00] Basically, he comes home from work, 8am to 4pm every day, takes out his laptop, and just does whatever. Probably just play games. Then, we fold laundry while watching a TV show, and go to sleep. Pretty much just living like flatmates, or like a very old married couple. I try to talk to him about it, and he'd always say he'll try to do better. And he would for 2-3 months. Then things would go back to what it was. But, here's what broke me.

[00:55:58] [SPEAKER_00] On Monday, I started the conversation again. Try to get him to act, and get us couples counseling. Well, we started talking about how he never mentioned getting married since the proposal. I started looking for wedding venues. I drove us to one and suggested we book it. He said he'd rather see more before making a decision. I asked him to look for something, and we can go check it out. He admitted now that he didn't even Google that since September.

[00:56:24] [SPEAKER_00] And, he basically told me he proposed because he felt like I expected and wanted it. While he wasn't 100% ready. I took the ring off, saying it feels like a lie, because it meant something different to him than to me. And, he took it, said, I promise you, I'll give it to you when I'm ready. So, he wasn't ready 14 months ago. During those months, nothing changed, and he still isn't ready to be engaged. I loved this man for 6 years, but now it turns out,

[00:56:54] [SPEAKER_00] he proposed because he had to. Still had doubts, and let me look for wedding stuff, create Pinterest boards, make guest lists while knowing it's all built on a lie. It feels like I proposed to myself while he just stood by and watched. We have couples therapy today, just like he booked it on Monday, but now I have no idea what to do. I agreed because I wanted us to work out the initiative thing, but that was before I found out he didn't really want to be engaged. I'm going there today,

[00:57:24] [SPEAKER_00] and I feel like I'm lying to him, because I don't think I can continue this relationship after what he did. He's trying hard to take initiative again, and be closer to me, but it feels like it's too late. How can I handle this? I'm giving him hope with this therapy, while considering to break things off, because of the engagement thing. Can I forgive this, and move on? And look, I don't think that you've, like you said, given up. I think you've just realized what the situation is clearly now.

[00:57:53] [SPEAKER_00] He proposed from feeling obligated, rather than being genuine with you. So, like you said, it's not an actual proposal at all. It just feels like he's going through the motions, and do you really want that? I mean, it's been six years. I mean, at some point, you either know or you don't. Like, I get it. You need time to figure things out, but six years seems, it seems a bit wild to me. And you know, he actually just sat there and watched her, planned the whole wedding,

[00:58:23] [SPEAKER_00] while secretly having these doubts at the same time. It just felt cruel. And the proposal is one thing, then there's everything else where, you know, she's initiating everything, planning everything, carrying the emotional load. The bar is literally on the floor at this point. So, you know, you've got to question that whole thing, right? And ask yourself, is this what you want for your future? But, a deleted user says, don't help. Trust your gut. If after six years together, he's not ready to make you his partner for life,

[00:58:52] [SPEAKER_00] he may never be. And he'll be waiting around for nothing. He already told you how he felt. And at that point, while I can absolutely see his argument about being too young, he lacks the balls to have an honest discussion with you about timelines. Bloomy says, you have therapy booked for Monday. Bring this post in and discuss it there. See what he says. I mean, I really don't see this working out, but since you're already going, get it all out in the open. Another user says,

[00:59:20] [SPEAKER_00] don't waste your youth on a man that is settling for you. You're a placeholder for him. I guarantee that if you stay, he will eventually find someone else, leave you, and marry her within a year. You are not the one he sees a future with, but he won't break up because he doesn't want to be alone. He's doing the bare minimum to keep you until he finds who he really wants. You deserve to be the be all and end all in someone's life. Don't let this man use you and waste your time.

[00:59:49] [SPEAKER_00] And one more comment from Second, who says, you're on different levels in this relationship, and that's not right. You need someone who's committed, and he definitely isn't. Usually I would advise counseling, but the fact that he said he would give it back when he felt ready means he's not in the relationship right now. Do you really want to wait for him to be ready? Is he worth the wait? Because based on what you've described, you seem to be doing all the heavy lifting in your duo, and he just goes with the flow, if even that.

[01:00:17] [SPEAKER_00] I wouldn't push someone into a relationship he doesn't want, but I also wouldn't want to wait for them to change their minds. All in all, do what is best for you. In matters of love, we get to be selfish. I honestly think he would be relieved to break up with you. So around 18 days later, OP does update the post and says, figured I'll post an update to this. I read many comments and they really helped me. Thank you for sharing your experiences. That opened my eyes. So yeah, TLDR,

[01:00:47] [SPEAKER_00] he wasn't ready when proposing. He won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure it was a shut up ring, which is sad because I never really cared about marriage in the first place. Now, we went to therapy. I said the same things as I've written in the previous post. He struggled to answer any questions, didn't really say anything that he hadn't before. Therapist suggested we would try living separately, but I think she could tell we're going to break up soon. Lol. I took a few days to think,

[01:01:16] [SPEAKER_00] but finally broke up with him about a week after writing the first post. And it kind of broke me to see his reaction. At first, he was really dramatic, constantly tried to make himself the victim. Something about us being a ship that's sinking. I'm about to jump and give up, but he's still holding on tightly. Accuse me of not giving him the chance, now that he actually wants to do something and change. I had to remind him a few times that he's the one who broke my heart first.

[01:01:45] [SPEAKER_00] He lied for months and took the ring back. Then more dramatics, crying, etc. But the next day, everything was normal. He was behaving like nothing happened. No more fighting for this relationship or even being hurt. He said, we're going to be good friends and acted like nothing's happened. Over the next few days, I would occasionally get comments like, if anyone asks what happened, I can't say we broke up. I have to say you broke my heart and left me. Or at least you stopped pretending you loved me.

[01:02:15] [SPEAKER_00] Other than that, no crying, no arguments. He was acting as per usual. He just broke my heart again to see how he didn't even try. That he really didn't care much. Shouldn't be surprised really. Yet, here we are. I asked him three times to move out. Gave him a deadline of two weeks. So three weeks since, he took the ring back. He acted hurt. Said, wow, I didn't expect he'd want to get rid of me so soon. But didn't really start looking.

[01:02:44] [SPEAKER_00] You know what actually made him get a flat and leave? My parents telling him to fuck off. Because he lived here in their home this whole time. Without paying any bills. They took him in like a son. They told him to pack his shit and to never come back. Since then, he's been acting offended that they treated him like that and he had to leave. He moved out yesterday. I helped him with moving. On my own now. After six and a half years without one man. New year, new me, I guess.

[01:03:14] [SPEAKER_00] But yeah, thanks to everyone who commented and read my story. Not gonna lie. I would love some encouragement. It feels like a part of me has been ripped from me. I need to know this feeling will go away. Yes, he found the first post and read the comments. He wanted to post his own comment to show his side of things. But thankfully, gave up. Lol. And I don't blame OP one bit for being out of that situation. And I think, you know,

[01:03:42] [SPEAKER_00] it can only get better for OP because everything that they were saying, I mean, it just sounded awful, didn't it? It was part of me, which not trying to diagnose or anything like that. And as always, it never excuses the behavior, et cetera. It sounds very much along the lines of depression, but the emotional numbness, the lack of initiative, et cetera, et cetera. Again, never an excuse for it, but just thinking about it, it does sound along those lines. And if that is the case,

[01:04:12] [SPEAKER_00] I genuinely do hope that he gets some kind of help. But OP needed to save herself first in this situation. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's have one more story. Now, this next story is from the best of no update, subreddit. So, you know, if you want to skip this one, please feel free to do so. There is mentions of COVID in this because it was around that period of time. It's from Rods of God,

[01:04:42] [SPEAKER_00] 1945, and says, boyfriend's friend had pizza delivered to our apartment during a dinner party I spent all day on. Let me start by saying, I love hosting dinner parties and cooking. It brings me so much joy, and I love doing it. I also am obsessed with Hamilton. So, when my boyfriend told me he wanted to host another couple for a watch party, I was beyond excited. It's obviously COVID, so I was excited to have a small group and do what I love,

[01:05:11] [SPEAKER_00] which is cook and host. I prepared the following. Pink lemonade jello shots, a cheese board featuring prosciutto roses, shrimp scampi, and key lime graham cracker cake. I was beyond proud of the meal. Now, for the guests. Names have been changed. Joyce, late 20s, and Matt, mid 30s. They're a wild couple. They fight all the time, and it's awkward. I do really like Joyce, and we've hung out with her a lot, but I do not like Matt.

[01:05:40] [SPEAKER_00] Everything was great until it was time to serve the scampi. Matt knew what the courses were, because I told Joyce what we were having. He told me he did not like shrimp, which I understood and offered to serve him pasta without the shrimp, or prepare something different for him quickly. He declined and said he was fine with all the other food. I thought, great, no problem then. We finished eating and started watching the film. Towards the middle, Matt took a call and stepped out of the apartment.

[01:06:09] [SPEAKER_00] He came back with two pizzas. He created a huge scene in the middle of the film. I was beyond upset. I spent all day preparing everything and work so hard, just for him to have a pizza delivered. It ruined the rest of the evening for me. I want to talk to Joyce and let her know how upset I was about the situation. I didn't know if I should or not, but it really did crush me to work so hard, and it was supposed to be a big deal, because we haven't been able to do anything like this since quarantine started.

[01:06:39] [SPEAKER_00] Browsing says, in quotes, I want to talk to Joyce and let her know how upset I was about the situation, and says, This is likely part of the reason why Matt does shit like this. Apparently, neither of you or your boyfriend are willing to call him out when he's an arsehole. Don't tattle to Joyce hoping she'd discipline her boyfriend. Tell him directly that he was rude and won't be welcoming your home in the future. Another commenter says, That is rude. Doing it without telling you until the pizza arrives is because he wanted to make a show out of it. But the problem isn't Joyce,

[01:07:08] [SPEAKER_00] so I don't know why you're talking to her to deal with it. The only reason to talk to her is to say, Matt is the problem. If he's your boyfriend's friend, then you talk to your boyfriend to deal with him. If he's your friend, well, he isn't, so don't invite him around. You can have Joyce without him. Me, I'd just not invite him around. Gym leader Mia says, I'll be honest here. None of what you made sounds good to me, because that's not the food that I'll eat. But it also doesn't sound very filling. Without the shrimp scampi,

[01:07:37] [SPEAKER_00] which I definitely wouldn't assume Joyce told him was planned, I cannot stand the smell of seafood and would have lost my appetite while you guys ate. I would have picked at things and tell you I'm happy. I'd never feel okay asking you to make something different for me. He waited for a while and ordered food he knows he can eat and will eat. Didn't ask you to pay for any of it. Maybe he figured two pizzas in case you guys were still hungry too. That way he had something to contribute to this dinner party. I'll be honest, you sound really,

[01:08:07] [SPEAKER_00] you're not the kind of person I'd want as a friend. You're upset because you put time into all these incredibly different dishes without finding out if your guests like any of it beforehand. And get upset when they're still hungry and want to talk to his girlfriend because his behavior upset you. Nah man. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and says,

[01:08:35] [SPEAKER_00] Am I the Arsehole for not chipping in for a Gucci bag or for a 3000 euro birthday dinner I didn't plan. I, 29 female and my husband, 35 male, are part of a close group of friends. We're all in our late 20s to mid 30s. Most of us are married or in serious relationships and we usually celebrate birthdays together. The usual setup has always been that the birthday person hosts and pays for everyone.

[01:09:04] [SPEAKER_00] But a year ago, this weird new tradition started. For each birthday, someone opens a WhatsApp group and says, Let's all chip in for this really expensive gift. We're talking about things like Hermes flip flops, Formula One tickets, Gucci bags, and it's all very public and a bit uncomfortable to say no. My husband and I have always gone along with it, even though it's felt a bit much at times. For example, we paid around 300 euros towards a

[01:09:33] [SPEAKER_00] 1500 euro Formula One ticket for my husband's best friend. Let's call him Tom. At the time, it felt okay. But now things are different. We're already parents to one child. We're trying for a second and we just opened a new business which we fully funded from our own savings. Everyone in the group knows this, including Tom. We're doing fine financially, but we're definitely being more careful.

[01:09:59] [SPEAKER_00] These expensive group gifts are not something we feel comfortable doing anymore. A few weeks ago, it was my husband's birthday. One of the friends asked if I was going to open a WhatsApp group for a gift. I said no. My husband didn't want anything. We hosted everyone for a pool party, paid for everything ourselves, and were happy to do it. For the record, Tom gave my husband a nice bottle of tequila, worth around 100 euros. We appreciated it. I'm not complaining at all.

[01:10:29] [SPEAKER_00] I've never judged or compared gifts, and I've been genuinely grateful for every single one, no matter the price. Two weeks later, it was Tom's girlfriend's birthday. He opened the group chat and said she would like a Gucci bag. I told my husband I didn't want to participate in this one. He agreed. We didn't reply in the group, but we bought her a 120 euro massage voucher as a gift. Her birthday was held at a really fancy, expensive beach restaurant.

[01:10:58] [SPEAKER_00] We went, enjoyed the event, had fun, made sure the birthday girl had a blast. A few days later, Tom wrote in the group that the bill was 3,000 euros, and said that if anyone would like to contribute, they could. I told my husband I didn't want to chip in. We didn't choose the place, we gave her a gift, and again, we're being more mindful about money right now. He obviously agreed. Then Tom messaged my husband privately and said he expected us to help with the dinner bill since we didn't join the group gift.

[01:11:28] [SPEAKER_00] He said a 100 euro gift wasn't enough, brought up the fact that we had always participated before, including for his Formula One ticket, and said we were being jerks but not pitching in at all this time. I honestly don't understand it. I never once complained about the gifts we got. I've always been thankful, but suddenly we're being labeled as the rude ones just because we made a different choice this time based on our current situation. Nah, not the arsehole for me.

[01:11:57] [SPEAKER_00] You gave a thoughtful gift which was 120 euros, which is more than I give to my family. And I know we're talking about different budgets and lifestyles here, but the audacity of him demanding that you pay for that 3,000 euro dinner after he chose it just has me wondering how entitled Tom is in other parts of life as well. He sounds like a bit of an arsehole if I'm being honest. You know, he was asking for the money after the fact. Weird.

[01:12:24] [SPEAKER_00] But Opie comes in with some comments and says, I'm a lawyer and my husband is a real estate broker. We work together and own the company. Our friends are in finance, a doctor, and digital marketing. Tom's girlfriend is actually the one that started the whole thing with his F1 ticket. Then says,

[01:12:58] [SPEAKER_00] That's a clarification saying, We had absolutely no problem paying for our meal. But for the past decade, the birthday person always paid for the lunch and dinner. We only found out about the high bill a few days later. None of us ever asked anyone else in the dinner party to pay. When we were still young and couldn't afford it, we used to host a home. Then adds,

[01:13:24] [SPEAKER_00] We decided to do that after every birthday dinner ended in a fight on who will pay. We used to all cover our meal plus a part of the birthday person's meal. But then they would fight back, etc, etc. A matter of culture, I guess. And no, we absolutely RSVP'd to the dinner. Just didn't answer the gift group thing. And Opie says, Updating, it's a hilarious one. We've been trying to figure out who keeps logging into our TV streaming service.

[01:13:50] [SPEAKER_00] We live in Europe and the streaming service is to watch TV from our home country. We pay about 280 euros a year for it and can only use it on two devices at once. We kept being logged out of our living room TV. Turns out, Tom was using it since my husband logged in at his house a year ago. Guess we're even. Lol. To be honest, I never liked him, but he has this bond with my husband that I don't understand. Yet, I respect.

[01:14:18] [SPEAKER_00] The bag would have been 150 euros per person, so 300 euros in total. But yeah, we should have spelled it out. And adds one more comment saying, We've done the same thing for about a decade. The birthday has hosts and takes everyone out for dinner. And the rest get gifts they want to. When we were younger, we mostly hosted at home. When we grew older and finances got better, we started going to restaurants. The WhatsApp thing started this January.

[01:14:45] [SPEAKER_00] I'd be embarrassed to put something like that on a WhatsApp group someone created. Oh yeah, guys, I'd like a $1,500 F1 ticket, please, if you wouldn't mind. That'd be absolutely lovely. But OP comes in with another update and says, Hi everyone. I posted past this update in the comments of my original post, but I thought it'd be better to collect everything into one proper update so it's clear and complete. After reading the comments, my husband and I realized we hadn't been as clear with our friend group as we should have been.

[01:15:12] [SPEAKER_00] So we wrote a respectful message in our group chat with everyone. Hi guys, first of all, we love you all. Just wanted to say we're no longer participating in the group gift tradition. With our growing family and the new business, we're trying to be more mindful with money. But always celebrate you in our own way. Thanks for understanding. Most people responded kindly and said they completely understood. Then one couple reached out to us privately and told us they're currently going through IVF.

[01:15:41] [SPEAKER_00] They said they'd been feeling very uncomfortable with the pressure of the group gift tradition, but didn't want anyone to know what they were going through. They were afraid that if they opted out, people would ask questions. They were really relieved we spoke up. We also spoke to everyone else individually. Aside from Tom, his girlfriend, and one other couple. Everyone was glad to stop the expensive gift tradition. That one other couple preferred the group gifts because they found them more convenient. But they weren't upset at all and didn't cause any drama.

[01:16:11] [SPEAKER_00] They just said they'd go along with whatever the group decides. Tom and his girlfriend though? Didn't take it so well. Yesterday, Tom texted my husband saying our message in the group chat felt very passive-aggressive and like they were throwing shade at him. His girlfriend messaged me and said we should have just told her privately that we don't have the money instead of announce it in front of everyone. She was upset that now the tradition was over. I tried to keep it light and said no problem.

[01:16:38] [SPEAKER_00] My birthday's coming up and I want a trip to Thailand for my whole family. She didn't respond. To make sure there were no hard feelings, we also sent Tom 200 euros to cover our share of the food and drinks from his girlfriend's birthday dinner. Then today, we spoke with them again and things got even more frustrating. They told us that our decision not to do any group gift or any gift at all for my husband's birthday came off as condescending and inconsiderate. As if we're better than them for not wanting gifts.

[01:17:08] [SPEAKER_00] Apparently, it made life harder for everyone. That was never our intention. We just genuinely didn't want anything and were happy to host and celebrate without gifts. As a group, we've now all agreed to go back to the old tradition. The birthday person hosts everyone. When we were younger, that usually meant breakfast, lunch or dinner at home. Nothing over the top. It felt more personal and less stressful and everyone seems happier going back to that. Lastly, my husband and I have decided to take a step back from Tom.

[01:17:37] [SPEAKER_00] The whole situation made it clear that a lot of people in the group feel they can't say anything around him without him getting offended. We're not angry, just tired. We want to enjoy our friendships without walking on eggshells. Thanks again to everyone who commented on the original post. He helped us see that we weren't crazy for feeling the way we did. In the end, we think this reset was needed for us and the group. Info, we're a group of five couples.

[01:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] And a lot of people suspecting that Tom and the girlfriend are trying to crowdfund a lifestyle they actually can't afford after this. But the absolute entitlement. You know, to get offended after this as well. If anyone said that to me, I would totally understand where they were coming from. And to host your friends at your place as well sounds absolutely lovely. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[01:18:33] [SPEAKER_00] Let's move on to another story. Our next story is titled, My Girlfriend and I Have Never Had Sex. I don't know if it's never had sex or they never have sex. And it's been almost five years. Am I the arsehole? It starts, Yes, I mean never. Me, 27 male and my girlfriend, 26 female, have been together for almost five years. When the relationship started, I assumed she was being flirty and building the temptation.

[01:19:03] [SPEAKER_00] We were having so much fun going on dates and I was just so excited for the time to come. And it still hasn't come. But um, I've tried to talk to her. I've brought this up hundreds of times. Every time I gently start the conversation, she starts crying and she says she feels guilty. And she gets angry at me for always bringing it up. At the start, she said she has vaginismus. She has seen a specialist about this once because I asked her to.

[01:19:31] [SPEAKER_00] And has the tools for exercises that they use to fix it. They have been sitting in her bedside drawer ever since. I'm not blaming her for having vaginismus and I'm sure that it's a horrible experience. But sitting here for five years waiting doesn't feel fair. The last time I brought it up, she said she has just never had the drive to have sex. And it's not something she's ever wanted. But it's something that I want. I've asked her to go to the doctor to get her hormone levels checked. Which she did.

[01:20:01] [SPEAKER_00] She went off her birth control about three months ago and absolutely nothing has changed. This makes it hard for me though. Because it seems like she's starting to put in some kind of effort. She's beautiful and smart and she has a good job. We live together and her family love me. We do everything together. And I miss her when she's not around. I just don't know if I can live like this. I've already spent five years in my twenties in a sexless relationship. I've been hoping that she would just have some sort of awakening or breakthrough.

[01:20:30] [SPEAKER_00] And become a sexual person. She has recently been bringing up engagements. Feeling annoyed that her friends who have been together for less time than us are getting engaged. And I haven't asked her. I can't see myself proposing and trapping myself in a life where I never have sex again. Am I the asshole for building resentment towards her and expecting her to change after all this time? What do I do? Commenter says she should date an asexual. And you should date someone who's not asexual.

[01:20:59] [SPEAKER_00] Positive Medium says this is the answer. I dated an asexual woman for a couple of months. Sex twice and it was like a chore for her. An inconvenience. It's a horrible feeling. Asexual people should date other asexual people. It only hurts others. Meister says just hopping in as an asexual. I'm very sorry for your experience. Sexual incompatibility is real and I totally get how it sucks to feel like it's a chore to the other person.

[01:21:27] [SPEAKER_00] I just want to let everyone know that not every asexual person has no drive for sex. Asexual only means that we do not have sexual attraction. And even that can vary. Demisexuality means you have a very strong emotional bond. Very strong. Before feeling attraction. Imagine it like that. Libido is your hunger. Sexual attraction your appetite. And sex is eating. Your experience was that the asexual person forced themselves to eat. But other asexuals might have a very very slight appetite.

[01:21:58] [SPEAKER_00] Or just enjoy the act of eating without having a direct appetite. Or enjoy the feeling of being full. Or enjoy seeing their partner that cook their dinner happy when they eat their food. I just want to say that asexuality is a spectrum. And while a relationship with an asexual can be quite difficult. Depending on how the sexuality manifests. Isn't automatically impossible or unfair to both partners. Regarding the post. Not the arsehole. The girlfriend might be asexual.

[01:22:25] [SPEAKER_00] But as she hasn't let an OP in on the topic in a constructive way. And you're both probably being sexually incompatible. I'd break up. You deserve to be talked to. And you have a need to be met. She obviously shouldn't force herself. But it's fully reasonable for you to say this relationship is unsatisfying to you. Died in the wool says yeah. This sounds dead in the water OP. You're too young for this. You are sexually incompatible. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's unfair to keep each other in a relationship if you aren't compatible.

[01:22:55] [SPEAKER_00] So it was around half a month later that OP came in with an update. And said it took a lot of courage. And I finally made the decision for us to go our separate ways. It was a hard conversation for both of us to have. But it ended up being very amicable. We are still living together for a couple of weeks. And I told her to just say the word if she needs some space. As I've got some great support with friends. And I can stay with before I move states for a five week university placement. She's got her parents house two minutes down the road. And she even offered to stay there.

[01:23:25] [SPEAKER_00] As she's empathetic to the fact that I don't have that option. She has no problem with me leaving personal non-essential items at the house. Until I find a new fixed address. She won't kick me to the curb basically. She'd been very mature about how we move forward. We've had some of the best conversations we've ever had. And reminisced about all the things that were great about each other. And our relationship. Overall we have no spiteful feelings for each other. And can feel confident that we can be friends again in the future. After respecting having time and space from each other.

[01:23:55] [SPEAKER_00] Once again I appreciate all your comments and messages. Sweet Sparkle says breakups are tough. But it's heartening to see such maturity and respect. Wishing you both the best in your next chapters. Position Bear says dear lord. Five years. You have some unholy level of patience. Congratulations on moving on with life. And doing it without being a dick about it. Important shirt says this was the best outcome. Breakups suck.

[01:24:25] [SPEAKER_00] Best wishes for the both of you. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's have another story from iBleed Audio. Who says would I be the asshole here for not reminding my wife. It's my birthday. I've been married for six years and I love my wife dearly. However there's been a disconnect between us. I feel like I'm more invested in our relationship than she is. I'm always the first to apologize when we argue.

[01:24:54] [SPEAKER_00] Always the one to press issues so we can talk. And the one who typically bends so we can find balance. Today is my birthday. And so far it's like she has no idea. We went through the normal motions this morning. Talked about our day. And she asked if we can grab takeout tonight from her favorite place. So she's clearly forgot. I'm not someone who makes a big deal about things like birthdays. But also I guess I'd like to have it acknowledged. I'd like the reassurance that I'm mad to people.

[01:25:23] [SPEAKER_00] I mean I feel kind of invisible in my own life sometimes. I just want to know people care. I guess I'd like to know if I'm a priority to her. To see if she would even acknowledge my birthday if I don't prompt her. I mean I took her out for hers. Got her gifts she loved etc. I'm just curious if I would even hear the two words if I didn't say anything. Would I be the arsehole if I continued to go through today without telling her? Now clearly it's more than about this one situation.

[01:25:51] [SPEAKER_00] Because Opie said very early on in the post that there's a recently there's been a disconnect between them. Opie feels more invested in the relationship. But I don't blame you for just seeing what happens. I mean it's a bit of a test isn't it? And they never usually work out well in these situations. But it might give you some of the answers you need. But ultimately I think you know there needs to be a bigger conversation about how you're feeling at the moment. Because as you said at the very beginning of the relationship the disconnect is there.

[01:26:21] [SPEAKER_00] It's not going to get better without talking is it?

[01:26:52] [SPEAKER_00] I kind of have to dance around that to show that I care. Maybe she downplays mine because she hates her own. I don't know. Another one says I'm not doing it to be petty or anything. Just sometimes it feels like no one would really notice if I disappeared. Today just feels like that I guess. And I'm not doing it as a gotcha moment or building ammunition or anything. I'd rather it wasn't the case but I'm just letting it play out. And see if she realizes or if it matters to her. I don't even really care about gifts.

[01:27:20] [SPEAKER_00] I mean I'm an adult that kind of buys things as I need them. It's more just that she forgot. I'd like to feel like I matter enough to her to remember. I'd like her to just wish me a happy birthday. As stupid as that sounds. And I'm not going to throw things away over this. That would be ridiculous. I'm just not going to deny that it hurts that she's forgotten. Actually I keep up to date on things she's passionate about. And tell me about them all the time. But something like this just gets dropped. And yeah.

[01:27:48] [SPEAKER_00] I think I'm just going to go this route. I don't want to tell her and have her just be reactionary. I'll tell her tomorrow and how it made me feel. And try to work on us. Other people's birthdays matter to her but not her own. Prior to our relationship hers was never a priority to her family, partners etc. I try to do something each year to show her I care. And that the trend isn't continuing. My family usually tries to get together for dinner on our birthdays. Not like a party or anything but just a you matter to us kind of thing.

[01:28:18] [SPEAKER_00] My wife has been invited to each of these and we've celebrated hers as well. And then everyone fucks up occasionally. I wouldn't divorce her over something this small. In her mind it's probably not a big deal but I just feel unappreciated. But then at some point later OP does update the post and says So yesterday was my birthday and I was under the impression that my wife had forgotten. I got all up in my head questioning a lot of things in our marriage. My wife had earlier mentioned getting fast food from one of her favorite places

[01:28:47] [SPEAKER_00] and it made me think that my birthday wasn't even on her radar. While following the advice I received I didn't say anything to her. I went to pick her up from work and give her the keys. We're at a one car between us because mine is in the shop and everything played out as normal. However instead of going to the crushed red like she had mentioned we pulled up at my favorite Mexican restaurant that we only go to on special occasions. Over the course of one massive burrito and some deep margaritas we got to talking.

[01:29:16] [SPEAKER_00] She said it was really hard to not say anything but she wanted to surprise me. I told her how I had felt and she was immediately apologetic. She blamed herself and I told her she had nothing to apologize for. She was trying to surprise me and I could have remedied everything by just communicating. We talked about our relationship a bit and had a good night. She asked me what I'd like to do and I just said a simple night so we went home and watched the movie together. I've been trying to get her to see. The Raid Redemption.

[01:29:45] [SPEAKER_00] Which she actually really liked. All in all it was a good night and a lot of my fears were misguided. I felt like I owed you guys an update after so many of you reached out yesterday. Hope you all have a good day. Hope you had some more comments and says I mean to be fair to her we spent most of that day working. We currently work in the same building and she didn't have a whole lot of time to do or say much. I was stuck working and spiraling a bit for several hours. She was looking to surprise me with it after we got off for work.

[01:30:14] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly she is really good to me. I was in an abusive relationship for years before her and ever since I've been on high alert for red flags to keep from having it happen again. This leads to me sometimes seeing things in a more jaded light than they need to be. She really is great and while communication isn't perfect sometimes we both really try. I mean I did my best to not let on how I was feeling. I think if I had been more honest about it she would have definitely responded. She wasn't being deliberately hurtful. It was an oversight and bad communication.

[01:30:44] [SPEAKER_00] She just wanted to surprise me. And to be fair she did. And it says yeah we both have harsh trauma and it leads us to both being people pleasers. That makes communication hard sometimes but we both really try our best at it. I know her well enough to know her tells. She was being genuine. Plus this place is the kind of place you need to get a reservation. It gets crazy busy at night. She had already booked us a table. This was planned. And honestly she is doing a lot.

[01:31:13] [SPEAKER_00] With my car being in the shop she is driving us both to work even though I am scheduled an hour before she is. She just chills for an hour to help me out. I also probably would have gotten more attention etc. If I hadn't been dismissive. I played it off like it was fine and gave short answers to her messages. This was mainly on me not communicating well. I mean once it clicked what her plan was etc. I stopped feeling hurt. If anything she felt so bad for making me feel that way. Even if it was inadvertent.

[01:31:43] [SPEAKER_00] I told her not to hold on to it and that I wasn't upset anymore now that I understood the situation. I could have said something to her at any point but was getting in my own head and digging myself deeper. I enjoy surprises. It was the not acknowledging my birthday up until that point that hurt. I really think she didn't mean to hurt my feelings at all. It was just accidental and I'm not going to hold it against her. And the final commenter says yeah. Bonded with my wife. Ate a burrito the size of an infant. And watched a classic action movie.

[01:32:13] [SPEAKER_00] Pretty great night. And I know they talk about communication not being great etc. I kind of like one of the top commenters was saying the same as well. Like not saying something for the person's whole birthday until that dinner turns up. And then saying oh now I'm going to take you to dinner. It's like yeah it's a nice surprise at the end. But the thought of people forgetting you and making you feel like crap up to that point. It's like oh deary me. And I get some people probably wouldn't mind that at all.

[01:32:40] [SPEAKER_00] But I was still kind of feeling like there's a lot more to this than just that party. From the way OP was talking before. And you know OP putting in stuff like sometimes it just feels like no one would notice if I disappeared. Which was really quite sad to read to be quite honest. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Our next story comes from RemarkableRoll7685. And it says am I the arsehole for telling my dad's wife.

[01:33:10] [SPEAKER_00] I will never consider naming my child after a recently deceased mother. I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with a girl. My husband and I have already chosen her name. As well as two backups in case it doesn't suit her. My dad's wife lost her mother a little under a year ago. They were extremely close and her passing was unexpected. So she's not coping well. My husband and I are trying to be as helpful and accommodating as possible.

[01:33:37] [SPEAKER_00] But we don't live in the same country as them anymore. So there isn't much we can do. Back in February my dad and his wife came to visit us for 10 days to celebrate our son's birthday. This was our first time seeing them after a mother's passing. And their first time seeing me pregnant. Early during the trip we had dinner together. We all started talking about my pregnancy and the baby. And when my dad asked if we had any names in mind. His wife stopped us.

[01:34:05] [SPEAKER_00] She asked if we could consider naming our daughter after her mother. She said she had been wanting to ask us this since she learned we were having a girl. And it would mean a lot to her if we could honor a mother like that. I don't think I have to justify why I wouldn't do that. But in case I do. I never liked her mother or thought of either of them as family. Even if I did. My husband doesn't like the idea of using our children's names as tributes. So we wouldn't name them after any of our deceased loved ones.

[01:34:34] [SPEAKER_00] My husband and I were taken aback. My dad looked a little awkward. So I think he was already expecting her to bring that up. I said I was sorry. But we had already chosen the name and weren't interested in changing it. The mood died a bit. But we did manage to change the subject and enjoy the rest of the evening. My dad's wife was quieter than usual for the next few days. But she didn't bring that up again until the final night of their trip. Everyone was at our place.

[01:35:01] [SPEAKER_00] She pulled me aside and once again expressed how perfect it would be for us to keep her mother's memory alive by naming a child after her. She started talking about how much she would have loved it and how a beautiful name such as hers shouldn't go to waste. I interrupted her and said there is zero chance we would ever consider naming our child after a mother. I told her it would never be up for discussion. And for her own sake, she needs to accept that and stop bringing it up. I was admittedly harsher than I intended.

[01:35:32] [SPEAKER_00] But I'm not sure she would have gotten the message otherwise. She barely spoke to me and my husband until she and my dad flew home the next day. My dad and I have been talking about this. He agrees with our refusal. He didn't really like his mother-in-law either, though he never admitted it, but thinks I shouldn't have turned his wife down like that. He told me she's still dealing with her mother's passing and I should have been more sympathetic. He's insistent she wouldn't mind our daughter's name if we at least told her we'd consider honoring her mother.

[01:36:02] [SPEAKER_00] I don't think humoring her would have been the best score, but I'm worried I was too harsh. Am I the arsehole? Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation. I think you handled that perfectly. Even, you know, if it did feel a little harsh at that moment, some people do need that. And the fact that she didn't just ask you once, she asked you twice after you already declined the first time politely. Like we always say, people grieve in different ways.

[01:36:28] [SPEAKER_00] But grief doesn't give you a free pass to pressure others about something like that. And the dad saying about the considering it part things when you had no intention of doing it would have just been, would have been silly in my opinion because it's a false hope and she would have latched onto that and she would be expecting you to do so. Absolutely terrible advice. You know, she's upset now. Can you imagine how worse it would have been if you let her think there was a chance and then crush those expectations later on?

[01:36:56] [SPEAKER_00] But a commenter says not the arsehole. She didn't take no when you all politely said it so. So, harshly was the only way to get your point across. It's always weird when someone asks you to name a child after someone. It wouldn't even mean the same if you didn't do it because you wanted to. Opie says when my son was born, my dad joked that his name was available. But didn't say anything besides that and didn't complain about the name we actually chose. He told me later it was a joke and he always thought that was a bad idea.

[01:37:25] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says you owe her nothing. Especially since you just call her dad's wife. So, she doesn't even sound like a close stepmom. It's sad that her mother died. But what does that have to do with you or your unborn child? Don't let her emotionally manipulate you into changing your mind. Opie says my dad started seeing her when I was already in college. And he wasn't interested in remarrying at the time. So, I never really registered her as family. I did live with them for a little while. But we had wildly different personalities.

[01:37:55] [SPEAKER_00] So, we were never really close. Someone said does Opie's dad's wife have any children? Opie says she does not and will not. Tubes tied from what I gather. I think she never wanted kids. But her mother always wanted grandkids. Someone says was Opie close to her dad's wife and her family. Opie says she doesn't know I didn't like her mother. I was careful to hide that and never treated her differently. But I'd assume she at least knew we weren't close.

[01:38:23] [SPEAKER_00] Opie on the husband's thoughts on the names. Opie says my husband's father passed away as well. And his relationship with using names as tributes is different. I'd briefly considered my late friend's name as one of our son's backups. But gave up when I realized that none of us would really feel comfortable with it. I don't think naming your children after people you've lost is inherently bad. But I do think that decisions need to be made carefully. Someone asks how old Opie's dad's wife is. And Opie says she's 44. I'm 29 for the record.

[01:38:53] [SPEAKER_00] Someone said is Opie's dad the first marriage for his current wife? And if she was living with her mother at the time? Opie says yes and kind of. They were living together but because her mother had to move in with her. Someone says does the wife have siblings? Opie says she's an only child. Aside from a paternal half-brother she doesn't get along with. I don't know much about her family. But it doesn't seem any of her relatives are having kids right now. Then Opie came in for an update three and a half months later.

[01:39:22] [SPEAKER_00] And said hey guys I came here for advice a few months ago. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl back in May. She's now a month old and thriving. We're all in love with her. My husband and I decided to go with our first choice for her name. Truth be told the backups didn't stand a chance. And it suits her perfectly. My dad stopped bringing up the subject of how I talked to his wife a few weeks after my first post. The last thing he said about this essentially boiled down to.

[01:39:49] [SPEAKER_00] Be nice to my wife but for the love of God don't name my granddaughter after my mother-in-law. He wanted to visit us this month to meet the baby. But I told him to wait a little longer. The house is a mess and we're still getting used to having two kids. His wife has been very detached from anything that concerns my daughter. She spent the weeks leading up to my baby's birth radio silent. She usually lives on her phone and texts frequently so I figured she was still upset.

[01:40:17] [SPEAKER_00] Both my husband and my husband's families like our daughter's name. My dad in particular complimented it a lot. His wife did not react to it. My aunt visited them recently and she later told me that while my dad would show her pictures and videos of my daughter, his wife avoided the topic entirely and was cold whenever someone tried to get her to engage. To be clear, none of that ever bothered me. But this behavior was very out of character for her.

[01:40:45] [SPEAKER_00] When I was pregnant with my son, she created a group chat with my whole paternal family and her mother to start a countdown for his birth. She was my only acquaintance who protested when I said I didn't want pictures of my child posted online. About a week ago, my dad's wife called me. She reiterated that she felt I wasn't being very understanding of what she's going through, but apologized for how cold she's been lately. During the call, she explained that losing her mother had made her regretter decision not to have kids.

[01:41:13] [SPEAKER_00] Her mother had always wanted to be a grandmother and she wishes she could have given her the opportunity to experience that. She took her mother's passing very hard and it made her reflect about various things she wishes she had done differently. But the news of my second pregnancy intensified that regret in particular. My dad's wife said that she'll always wish I'd named my daughter after her mother, but still accepts the name I chose. She also told me she'll start seeing a therapist soon.

[01:41:41] [SPEAKER_00] I was mostly quiet during the call because frankly, I didn't know how to react. Having since had time to think about what she said, I'm a little freaked out. It's still hard to explain how I feel and this isn't even close to my top concern right now, but I didn't see this coming. I almost feel bad admitting this, but I'm very glad we're in different hemispheres. I can't imagine what she's going through and I wish her nothing but the best, but I don't think being close to my family right now would be good for either of us.

[01:42:10] [SPEAKER_00] Thinking back to how I handled things when she first asked us to use her mother's name, I'm pretty sure I made the right call. I sincerely wish I'd been more polite, but humoring her would have probably led to a much bigger headache. I'm not sure when we'll see her again, but it won't be until next year. My dad will come visit us in October, but she won't come with him. When she does meet my daughter, I hope she's doing better. Right now, I'll focus on my children.

[01:42:36] [SPEAKER_00] Postpartum sucks and my husband and I are still getting adjusted to being a family of four, but we love both our kids so much. I don't know how I got so lucky. I almost definitely won't post again. I'm very tired and very busy and don't expect that to change anytime soon. Thank you. Edit to those asking. I'm freaked out because I wasn't expecting her reasoning to be that she regretted not giving her mother grandchildren. As I stated in this post, I sympathize with her grief and I'm glad she decided to get help.

[01:43:06] [SPEAKER_00] Someone asked OP about thoughts on naming children after loved ones and OP says we probably wouldn't have considered that either. My husband doesn't like the idea of naming our kids after people we've lost. A commenter says to OP, I think your stepmom was or is going through grief of losing her mom. She was hoping by you naming her daughter after her would make it feel like she was still around. You did good by not naming your daughter after her. The good news is she realized it and has apologized for it and is seeking some grief counseling.

[01:43:36] [SPEAKER_00] I got my BF a bracelet that has a small picture of his dad in it. His is a black leather braid strap with a small silver circle with the picture. You have to hold it up to the light to see the picture. There's more than knowing what it is that makes him feel it. There are all types you can get. I chose a more masculine design but there are more feminine ones you could find. I did a google search and found the style I liked. The gift could be an apology for being harsh but a nice token of I know you're going through it

[01:44:03] [SPEAKER_00] and thought this might be a nice way to help you carry her with you. OP says, I'm very glad she decided to start therapy. I feel like acknowledging that you need help is a necessary step but actually going through with it is harder than it looks. I have a different experience with grief than she does. There was one specific time in my life which I lost many of my loved ones very quickly. I've discussed that in therapy but I regret not working through it sooner. Another commenter says,

[01:44:30] [SPEAKER_00] It is good that she's put space between herself and your family as well as going to get therapy. I'd be concerned she would see your daughter as a reincarnation of her mother or a way to honor her mother by making a bond with your daughter leading to being OTT and or leaving out your son. Not using the name was definitely the right call. OP responded saying, Using the name was never an option. I really did not like her mother and neither did my husband. Plus we didn't really like the name either.

[01:44:58] [SPEAKER_00] My concern on my original post was whether I'd been too harsh. OP on having more children and if naming another girl after the wife's mother is an option and OP says, My husband and I are not planning a third one right now. But we're open to the possibility. Even if we do have another baby, we're not using a mother's name. And after that, you know, all the signs were there that you could see how unhealthy it was. Her attachment to this whole naming thing was that she went radio silent during your pregnancy

[01:45:26] [SPEAKER_00] and is avoiding anything related to your daughter. It just shows how unhealthy everything was for me. And like the comments were saying and for OP, it's good that there is this distance between herself and your family right now. You know, for her own healing, for your family's well-being as well. And her calling to apologize was a good thing. Although she was like a little bit saying, I don't think you understand what I'm going through. But, you know, getting therapy, trying to work through that can only be a good thing in the end, I think.

[01:45:54] [SPEAKER_00] Hopefully realizing that her behavior wasn't okay. And I can totally understand why OP said themselves that they were freaked out in the situation. I think anyone reading that would be because as like one of the comments says, it felt like she was almost trying to like reincarnate mom by using the baby name for the daughter, etc. And it just felt super unhealthy and, you know, would freak anyone out. And again, no excuses for bad behavior or whatever, but totally understand how grief can do wild things. As I said, if you've been here for a while,

[01:46:22] [SPEAKER_00] a couple of years back, I lost a whole bunch of people in a very short amount of time. My mom, my dad to mesothelioma, which was a year-long process of awfulness. Another relative to pancreatic cancer. Another relative had two types of cancers at once to work through. And there was other relatives at the same time who passed away. And it was just, it made me feel numb. It's the only way that I can explain it. And the only thing I can think of is like my brain

[01:46:49] [SPEAKER_00] just trying to protect me from what was going on around me. Just like, it was just too much. And I was in and out of work at the time, you know, for my dad's appointments, funerals, all sorts of stuff. My company that I worked for at the time was absolutely amazing. They would just like, literally take all the time you want. But I still felt guilty at the same time, you know. And I remember talking to my boss because I needed to get some more time off. And he was saying, yeah, absolutely. Don't worry about it. And then I made this dark joke just out of nowhere. And it's just like, oh, dearie me.

[01:47:18] [SPEAKER_00] I feel guilty because it obviously put him on the spot as well. But in my mind at the time, I just went, oh, don't worry. I'm running out of family members now. I won't have much more time off. And I was like, oh, fuck. I shouldn't have really said that. But sometimes it was like, even with my brothers, the dark humor actually helped us through it, which I know is not for everyone. I totally get that. But yeah, grief, man. Holy moly. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[01:47:47] [SPEAKER_00] Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from GrandkidsMove from the Am I the Asshole subreddit. Before we do get into it, a couple of warnings. There is talk of pregnancy loss within the story. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. It says, am I the asshole for moving to be closer to my grandkids? I have three kids with my ex-husband,

[01:48:14] [SPEAKER_00] Elliot, 28, Emily, 21, and Joseph, 19. Emily and Joseph still live at home while they attend the local state university. Three years, Elliot married his high school girlfriend, Madeline, 27, and they have three beautiful little girls. Sophie, 12, is Madeline's half-sister that Madeline and Elliot adopted three years ago. They also have an 18-month-old twin girls, Charlotte and Penelope, and they're pregnant with their first son.

[01:48:42] [SPEAKER_00] Last year, Madeline and Elliot moved from their apartment down the street from me to a house about three hours away for Elliot's job. I try to visit them at least two weekends a month and I just love where they live. It's this adorable little quiet beach town. I've been thinking about retiring there since Elliot and Madeline moved down there, but I made the decision after I found out Madeline and Elliot are having another baby. I put in an offer on our little college on the beach, a 10-minute walk to Elliot and Madeline's house.

[01:49:12] [SPEAKER_00] My offer was accepted, so I decided to sit Emily and Joseph down to tell them my plan. I told him that I would be selling the house this summer and moving closer to Elliot and Madeline for an early retirement. I didn't want them to struggle to find a place to live, so I told them I will rent an apartment for them to share for three years or until Joseph graduates, whichever comes first. Neither will pay rent or any other expenses besides part of their groceries as long as they're still in school.

[01:49:40] [SPEAKER_00] I thought Joseph and Emily would be okay with this, but they were furious. Joseph is saying that I'm choosing Elliot and my grandkids over them, and Emily is claiming that I'm misusing their child's support. Their dad agreed to pay until they graduate from college, because I won't get a good apartment. I'm getting them a simple two-bed, one-bath apartment in good condition close to their school, instead of a luxury two-bed, two-bath with access to pools, a gym, and other nice amenities.

[01:50:09] [SPEAKER_00] I told her she's welcome to pay her tuition and living expenses on the $850 a month I get from her dad, and now she and Joseph won't speak to me. Elliot is suggesting that I could have given them more notice and talked to them about this before I bought the house, but I thought three months was plenty of time. Am I the asshole for moving to be closer to Elliot, Madeline, and my grandchildren? The commenter says to OP, yeah, this was really poorly handled. Your children are all adults,

[01:50:37] [SPEAKER_00] and you unilaterally decided on this move that is going to hugely affect all of their lives, and then spring it on them as a fait accompli. You're the asshole, and it has to be said, are you sure Elliot and Madeline even want you to move to their new town? Edit, OP responded that Elliot and Madeline are active participants in the moving plan, which I guess, talking to one of three children before making this decision is better than zero, but it doesn't change the verdict for me. Also,

[01:51:06] [SPEAKER_00] I think it's kind of messed up that Elliot didn't give his siblings a heads up. Is anyone else getting Elliot is the golden child and likes it that way vibes? Edit 2 A lot of people who disagree with me are saying that OP is not the asshole because A, they're adults and it's her house so she can do whatever she wants and slash all B, she's still providing an apartment for the two younger children. And yes, legally, she can do whatever she wants with the house and yes, it would be worse if she moved away, cut off all their support and told them they're on their own, which yes,

[01:51:36] [SPEAKER_00] she can legally do because they're adults. But she remains the asshole for the way she handled this. She demonstrated to Joseph and Emily that not only does she not care about their opinions on plans that significantly affect them, she doesn't even think it's necessary to find out whether they have any. OP replied saying, yes, I'm sure. They were taking me to tall houses in their town when I visited. Commenter replied saying, so you felt it was appropriate to talk to one of your kids but not the others? Explain this.

[01:52:06] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, they were helping me find and tall properties. With my younger two, I didn't see a need to tell them until I was sure it was happening. Commenter says, did Madeline and Elliot even want you there? It sounds like you were already there too much. Now you basically want to live with them. OP says, yes, they were very excited about me potentially moving there. Elliot started dropping hints about me moving there within a month of him moving. Commenter says, gee, I wonder why your children who live with you are shocked that you sold the house and are moving

[01:52:36] [SPEAKER_00] three hours away without having mentioned it to them at any point until it was a fait accompli. You are choosing your eldest and grandkids above them. Maybe not for the first time, I imagine. You sure like burning bridges but as long as your needs are met, huh? You're the arsehole. OP says, I'm selling the house but I'm renting them an apartment. It's not like I'm throwing them out onto the street. Commenter says, not the arsehole but one question, how much time do your two younger college kids spend with you? Are they active in your life?

[01:53:06] [SPEAKER_00] I suspect they're like every other college kid absorbed into their own lives where you are lonely wishing you were closer to your grandkids. This is your time. You raised your kids. Do I think you should have discussed it with them first? Yes. I wouldn't have purchased anything without multiple discussions but the truth of it is they're adults now and that you're providing them with a very cushy option. OP says, they're not very active in my life. They have school, friends, part time jobs, parties, boyfriend, etc. OP then responds

[01:53:36] [SPEAKER_00] to another comment regarding Emily and Joseph choosing to attend a local university and says, they chose to attend a local school because they wouldn't pay for room and board. I do not plan to move again if Elliot moves. I really like the area that he lives in and it seems to be a great place to retire in. On OP's ex-husband and the father of her children think about her moving, OP says, he lives out of state and we actually have a pretty good relationship. He doesn't see anything wrong with what I'm doing. I've talked to their dad

[01:54:05] [SPEAKER_00] about me moving and he couldn't care less. Then, it was about two weeks after this that OP came in with an update and says, thank you to everybody that commented on my original post. A lot has happened since then. I've been staying with Elliot for a little over a week after his wife experienced a medical emergency that ended with her losing the baby. The day after I left, I got an email from Emily saying she was moving in with her dad and cutting contact with me. Her dad and I have a pretty good relationship so I've been checking in through him

[01:54:35] [SPEAKER_00] and apparently she's already threatening to move out because of his expectations towards chores and financial contribution. Joseph actually apologized to me a couple of days ago. I haven't been able to sit down with him in person but we've had plenty of phone calls where we talked about his future. Instead of sharing an apartment with his sister, he will get a studio apartment and contribute $200 a month towards the rent and $200 a month towards groceries. I pay for everything related to his car except for gas and he's on my health insurance so he only pays

[01:55:05] [SPEAKER_00] $100 a month for gas leaving his total living expenses at $500 a month. His income fluctuates but it's typically $1,500 to $3,500 a month so even during the slow seasons he should be able to afford his expenses. I agreed to split the rent with him currently $1k a month for up to two years after he graduates. I do wish things are better for Emily but I'm happy with Joseph for how he worked everything out. Commodore says so your daughter moved out of state in the middle

[01:55:34] [SPEAKER_00] of the semester? Opie says yes she chose to drop her classes this semester despite me and expected her father to take care of her financially. Opie responded about her youngest child and how he's accepting her decisions. Opie says the 19 year old is actually doing great. He needed a few days to come around but he and I have had some great discussions about what he wants what I can help with and what he can do and afford these past few days. Commodore says depending on where you live three months may not be a long

[01:56:04] [SPEAKER_00] time to find a suitable flat. Another commenter replied saying Opie found a listing for an apartment that was theoretically in her budget. She did not apply for it and thus she and so we has no information on whether the apartment has a wait list has already been taken but the listing is still up or even whether it actually exists. Opie says we have an apartment he'd be moving in June. A friend of a friend owns the building so it went pretty quickly and the last commenter says I'm happy it all worked out. It seems Emily

[01:56:34] [SPEAKER_00] is the biggest issue but that's not your problem anymore. It's a shame she lost the baby. I'm surprised you got an asshole verdict but then again Reddit really believes that parents need to break their backs forever. Literally we're given the an apartment and plenty of notice. Edit Even if Opie butchered how they dropped the news at most it should have been an everyone sucks here not the overwhelming you're the asshole. They were treating this as she was abandoning middle schoolers not grown ass adults who she literally

[01:57:03] [SPEAKER_00] will pay for their housing. The adult kids were definitely being dicks in that post. Personally Opie not the asshole since you gave three months when this news dropped and were literally going to pay for their housing. Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys make of this situation. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Our next story comes from FitTarot9356 from the Am I the Asshole here subreddit and it says Am I the Asshole here for not wanting my boyfriend

[01:57:33] [SPEAKER_00] to come over anymore because he's too much of a clean freak. So I lied to my boyfriend and told him I'd be out of town this weekend just so he wouldn't come over. I feel bad but honestly needed a break. I'm starting to get really fed up with how obsessive he is about cleanliness. For context I have two cats I vacuum two to three times a day just to keep the fur under control and I try my best to keep things clean but you know how it is.

[01:58:03] [SPEAKER_00] Sometimes fur still floats around or lands in spots you miss. The issue is he'll notice a single strand of cat fur and act like it's the end of the world. There were times he literally woke me up in the middle of the night to complain about one piece of fur floating in the air. I'd say I'll vacuum in the morning but he keeps poking me until I get up and do it right then and there. He also hates when my cats go into the rooms so whenever he visits I have to keep them out which feels unfair

[01:58:33] [SPEAKER_00] because it's their home too. He wears black all the time despite me suggesting not to so obviously fur sticks to him more and then he complains right in front of me like it's my fault. Out of frustration I cancelled our weekend plan so I could have some peace and quiet. He's been staying over every weekend lately and honestly I don't feel at ease in my own space anymore. I don't know. I feel kind of shallow and petty and maybe I'm being unreasonable. Am I

[01:59:03] [SPEAKER_00] the arsehole here for needing space and not wanting him around because of this? Now for me like the first line in this post was like had me thinking this relationship is on the ropes already that you know you feel that you have to lie to get peace in your own space is wild to me. That everything feels so suffocating that you have to fake being out of town just to get some peace. It feels for me that he's slowly moving himself in

[01:59:32] [SPEAKER_00] and basically doesn't want your cats around. Everything he's complaining about seems to be about your cats the fur you know purposely wearing black which you know may be a style but it feels with everything else that he's doing it on purpose so you can spot it complaining in the middle of the night about one piece of fur floating about Rob says you cats have fur you're going to get cat fur on you if you come over stop your incessant whining and deal with it or if you can't don't come over anymore

[02:00:01] [SPEAKER_00] your choice Prudent Border says not the arsehole but I think this is part of a bigger problem he clearly has a problem with cats and you have too seriously think about if you have a future j quest says not the arsehole this is next level OCD he's coming into your space their space I'd cut your losses and find someone who is a little less compulsive and greedy wind says making me vacuum in the middle of the night because of one cat hair would have been it for me

[02:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] even if it's not intentional that's now abuse so OP did come in with an update and said hello I just wanted to share an update because things took a turn I honestly didn't see coming so after I

[02:01:06] [SPEAKER_00] have leave but he kept ranting about how disgusting it was then my oldest cat who super friendly but sheds a lot jumped on the couch next to him he freaked out stood up and shoved my cat off the couch my poor cat hit the floor and ran under the bed he's okay now I completely lost it that was the final straw I told him to get out and that we're done for good he tried to apologize and say it was an accident but I didn't care if you can't respect my cats you can't be in my

[02:01:36] [SPEAKER_00] life I honestly feel so much relief now I can breathe again in my own home without feeling like I live in a museum my cats are back op I said this to you in your last post you're going to be so so so happy with your next boyfriend or

[02:02:06] [SPEAKER_00] cuddling together with your cats glad you took the trash out obviously not the asshole op says ah thank you honestly I'm already happier just having my cats back on the couch with me next time I'm picking someone who brings treats for them not complaints reddy kuhumber says he didn't just not respect your cats he didn't respect you you told him you were unavailable that weekend but he came over anyway you shouldn't have to lie to spend a weekend alone in your apartment and then he's

[02:02:36] [SPEAKER_00] inside the apartment and he's sitting on your sofa even though you were clear that you didn't want to spend the weekend with him opi says seriously it's kind of scary realizing how normal i thought that was at the time impressed dry says the fact that you felt like you had to lie just to get a break says it

[02:03:10] [SPEAKER_00] thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story now our next story comes from the off my chest subreddit from nextdad5948 and says friend asked if i could babysit their newborn before we get into it there is a warning on it of a car accident so if you do want to skip the story please feel free to do so timestamps are

[02:03:40] [SPEAKER_00] one by having a child he is like a brother to me and they have made me the godmother the baby is not even here yet and he asked if i could babysit his child for july 4th weekend as he is going out of town with his girlfriend and family the girlfriend is due soon expected due date June 25th i told him i'll let him know if i can next

[02:04:10] [SPEAKER_00] their newborn it's really weird why anyone in his family would even support going on a trip knowing he will have a baby fresh out of the womb i'm not one to speak on someone's parenting but from the moment he told me he didn't take it very seriously and tended to have unrealistic expectations i'm not doing anything on july 4th weekend as i was just in a car accident a month ago and still mentally healing but this shouldn't affect my ability of taking care of the newborn it's more

[02:04:40] [SPEAKER_00] so that newborns need to eat every two to three hours and need extra care during this time if i say no i feel like this would deem me as not dependable to babysit in the future his girlfriend definitely knows it's shocking that a new mother would be willing to leave her newborn after giving birth but i don't think she's thinking clearly either she seems naive and goes with whatever he wants to do in order to satisfy him i would not be comfortable with doing this if i was her they both weren't ready from what i

[02:05:38] [SPEAKER_00] have financially prepared it affects the child the most in the end i will be reaching out to my friend to discuss my concerns i think he is still

[02:06:10] [SPEAKER_00] requesting is wild it just comes across that they have zero understanding about what's about to hit them and if i'm being completely honest and i'm not sure if it sounds like a leap or not the way that op was describing his behavior of and her behavior of always going along with what he wants to do to satisfy him and calling the relationship toxic and you know the choices around everything

[02:06:40] [SPEAKER_00] although i am the god mom i wasn't expecting to babysit so soon and then says god mother does not mean on demand babysitter quotes again saying is it typical for people to do

[02:07:10] [SPEAKER_00] i'll do it he sucks and is in for a huge reality check op responds saying it was definitely his idea because this is not the only trip that he planned for this year he's also planned other trips with our friend group but i turned them down as one he should be focusing on being a dad and two i'd rather save money i think that once she gives birth she'll probably change her mind about going on the trip but she seems to just go with whatever he says another commenter says not the asshole

[02:07:39] [SPEAKER_00] i think they're in for a rude awakening about the responsibility of being a parent the idea that they'd be fine to travel a week after she delivers is wild i would certainly say no but i would also ask them if they've talked to their doctor about traveling separate from a birth he never took the pregnancy seriously and now that she's about to give birth i think he is still having a hard time with

[02:08:09] [SPEAKER_00] accepting that being a father comes first someone says about op been able to communicate with a girlfriend about her feelings on the trip sad part is i don't even communicate with his girlfriend we never established a friendship they barely knew each other when she got pregnant his girlfriend and i do speak when we see each other but it's nothing more than a hello i've tried having conversations with her when i see her but it's mostly small talk which is why i concluded that we don't communicate when my friend and i hang out it's also just

[02:08:39] [SPEAKER_00] me him and our friend group so we don't see his girlfriend as much i was just as shocked when he asked me to be the god mother because wouldn't she have someone else in mind like a sister or best friend to be the god mother and my friend told me that she knows he wants me to be the god mom and that she is okay with it i also discovered that sometimes the mom and father each choose their own set of god parents oh those red flags keep on coming but op comes in with an update and says i recently posted about my

[02:09:09] [SPEAKER_00] friend 23 male and his girlfriend 21 female asking me to babysit their newborn who would have been less than a week old while they go out babysitting their newborn i did tell him that

[02:09:39] [SPEAKER_00] women needed to heal after giving birth and what if the baby comes earlier or later than expected due date of 6 25 2025 he told me his girlfriend said she'll be good and they didn't think it would be an issue going on the trip shortly after that phone call they got into a wreck my friend lost control of the vehicle while driving labor she gave birth to a healthy baby

[02:10:09] [SPEAKER_00] girl on 6 23 2025 born two days early when i said the baby could come earlier i didn't mean it in this way but thank goodness they're all okay it's safe to say they will not be going on the trip anymore my friend was driving his brother's car and the brother did not have car insurance so my friend has to pay out to been way worse it's crazy how life

[02:10:39] [SPEAKER_00] could change in a matter of seconds someone in the comments below this was questioning if the friend could have substance abuse problems that could have affected this and opie says no at least not that i know of he's just one of those people that doesn't think about the long term effects of his actions he's a good guy but just needs to make better that is okay i

[02:11:17] [SPEAKER_00] hope they will do a bit more research and learning about caring for a newborn this also should have been a hard no from uop good to hear they're okay and hope they will grow as parents in the future another commenter says tell me you're a another commenter says please keep an eye out for this baby and

[02:11:47] [SPEAKER_00] potential neglect or mistreatment these people sound like absolutely idiots clearly too young and immature to go through with parenthood the last commenter says all i can say is that if anyone had left their newborn kid with me so they could oh i always find it a bit

[02:12:17] [SPEAKER_00] frustrating how many times we see in these stories about such and such person is such a good guy but then gives a list of reasons why they're not but now i'm going to let's move on to another story now our next story also has a trigger warning of a car accident within it is from a throw away account

[02:12:47] [SPEAKER_00] and says am i the asshole for being concerned about the damage my son did to my car i'm a mother of two vanessa 25 and brandon 22 i'm not married to their father but they both have a relationship with him they went to visit him this past weekend for father's day and was set to get to my house on monday brandon drove the two of them there and was supposed to drive back the car he drives was mine originally i paid it off and did not ask him to buy it

[02:13:17] [SPEAKER_00] from me on the condition that he is responsible with it he was only paying for gas and maintenance this was the first car i have ever been able to pay for up front without taking out a loan which carries sentimental value so it is my car as far as i'm concerned a

[02:13:51] [SPEAKER_00] i asked vanessa to please put her brother on the phone instead their father came on and explained that they were in the emergency room and that our son was receiving treatment my ex then started to berate me for being more concerned about the property than about the kids and for getting angry at our son without knowing the situation but in my defense i hadn't realized he was injured to be clear brandon will be fine and the other driver was completely unharmed but they are still furious with me i had assumed that if his

[02:14:21] [SPEAKER_00] injuries were serious that it would have been the first thing they told me but that isn't a good enough explanation for them it's been most people's first first response would be are you okay can i help you in any way i would like to think that would be the first for

[02:14:50] [SPEAKER_00] many people the whole i didn't realize he was injured defense falls flat when you consider that she didn't even ask if they were okay not with how's my car and even after the fact you know that you still focus on just what you said rather than being mortified by what you said it says everything but cats are cats says you're the arsehole one can be as careful as possible and still be in an accident you just assumed it was Brandon's fault why was the

[02:15:20] [SPEAKER_00] younger sibling to drive or even have the car period as I Vanessa does not have a car she is 25 and fully employed and can buy one herself I bought her one at 16 and sold it when she graduated what the fuck Brandon has one more year left in

[02:16:04] [SPEAKER_00] you don't even say op says it appears the other driver was at fault but I did not know that at the time you didn't ask questions another commenter says you knew that when making this post though and it still comes across so angry at your son about your car you're still blaming him in this post about how he was meant to be responsible blah blah blah and he didn't even cause this accident literally every time a person gets behind the wheel there is always a chance someone else will hit us this is the risk

[02:16:34] [SPEAKER_00] we all take the only way to 100% guarantee that your car is going to be safe is to keep it in the garage maybe do that next time since it means so much to you you you the arsehole op says of course I'm not angry at my son now that was just meant to explain why I was at the time it was a stressful situation all around and I got caught up in the heat of the moment formal type says info why was your first instinct to we're in an accident was to assume that it was

[02:17:04] [SPEAKER_00] Brandon's fault if a family member or friend would have called me and told me they were in an accident my first questions would have been is everyone okay and what happened opie says well he's 22 and he's been driving for less than a decade younger drivers are prone to accidents regardless yes are you okay should have been my first question I believe that since his sister was well enough to call me that she was fine and there wasn't a scratch on her in case anyone was wondering and in the panic of the moment it slipped my mind to ask

[02:17:34] [SPEAKER_00] about him that was my fault so opie comes in with their update and it says first of and yes it is insured but that will not replace the

[02:18:04] [SPEAKER_00] sentimental value but it's fine now now I called my children to apologize and explain that I would not have asked about the car first had I not wanting to talk to me or come over but they are

[02:18:34] [SPEAKER_00] adults and that is their prerogative my plan is to let it play out and for me the update didn't make this any better in my opinion I mean the last sentence or so was pretty telling that I it just felt like a whole load of deflection to me

[02:19:04] [SPEAKER_00] and the way you talked about your son again to be clear my son has a concussion and a few broken ribs but we'll be fine you know fucking just a few broken ribs that's your child I showed more concern about Jeff down my local pub when he told me he broke a rib about a year ago and I barely know what do

[02:19:34] [SPEAKER_00] you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below our next story comes from a throw away account this one that 22 female hid her father's affair from me

[02:20:04] [SPEAKER_00] for two years I 49 female was married to my ex husband Derek 49 male for 20 years before divorcing a few months ago we have two kids a daughter 22 female and a son 17 male I found out Derek was having a two year affair and my world was shattered but what hurt almost as much was discovering that my daughter had known about it the whole time she actively hid it from me for two years lied

[02:20:34] [SPEAKER_00] covered for him and never once tried to warn me when I I never confronted her directly thinking it might affect her as she was about to go off to college I just told her I knew that I understood and tried to move on but after she left I

[02:21:04] [SPEAKER_00] found myself distancing myself from her more and more it wasn't planned I just needed space to heal and that meant not calling her as often or reaching out as much fast forward a year and a previous relationship recently we all went to Disney together and he posted a family photo of us on social media for context my boyfriend covered all the expenses as a gift for his daughter's birthday

[02:21:34] [SPEAKER_00] wanting to make it her and honestly I would have been before I still love her but every interaction brings up that pain out of nowhere she called me in tears she was screaming saying I obviously hadn't forgiven her and that I

[02:22:03] [SPEAKER_00] shut her out on purpose she accused me of replacing her with my boyfriend and his daughter she kept saying it was a long time ago I was a kid I didn't mean to hurt you she said she thought she was doing the right thing by staying quiet that she didn't know how to tell me and that she was terrified of breaking our family apart she asked me if I ever forgive her or if I moved on for good I tried to tell her that I loved her and never wanted to replace her but she kept pushing that I should get

[02:22:33] [SPEAKER_00] over it by now and that I had abandoned her for this new life to top it off my ex husband later called me furious accusing me of leaving my daughter for a younger man and a new family he even had the nerve to call me selfish for moving on ironically his girlfriend is 30 and he's the one who blew up our family with his affair it's like no one understands that I'm still trying to recover

[02:23:05] [SPEAKER_00] my son who lives with me found out about a sister hiding the affair after overhearing my husband's mom and sister talking he

[02:23:35] [SPEAKER_00] time we talk the hurt resurfaces I don't know if I'm failing as a mother or if I'm protecting myself I feel like I've emotionally checked out and I don't know how to reconnect edit just to clarify my divorce actually happened a few months ago not three years ago as I originally mentioned my sister who is a bit of a scatter brain encouraged me to post here and

[02:24:05] [SPEAKER_00] 17 when she found out about the affair she had a lot going on at the time including having to change schools due to some personal issues and repeating a year so when I

[02:24:35] [SPEAKER_00] she did express that she was sorry but it often came with explanations of how difficult it was for her how she was stuck between her father and me I can understand that she was young and in an impossible situation but it still feels like she's brushing aside the depth of the hurt sometimes it seems like she doesn't fully understand why it's so painful for me and that part has been my

[02:25:05] [SPEAKER_00] son Opie adds on the timeline again to clarify my daughter was 17 when she first found out about the affair but I didn't learn about it

[02:25:35] [SPEAKER_00] 19 before that she had a lot of personal struggles including a serious incident that led her to having to change high schools this all happened before she found out about the affair by the time I learned the truth she was dealing with the fallout of those issues I

[02:26:05] [SPEAKER_00] been my biggest support she said to the first update came 10 days later and said first I want to thank everyone who responded to my post I was honestly overwhelmed by the sheer number of replies I tried my best to read through as many as I could and some of the advice was hard to hear but necessary it's been

[02:26:37] [SPEAKER_00] that struck me deeply I have been so consumed by pain and anger that I forgot to think about what I want my relationship with my daughter to look like in the long run if something were to happen tomorrow would I be okay with leaving things as they are that thought stayed with me and within a few days I decided to contact my daughter I told her I how we could move forward

[02:27:06] [SPEAKER_00] she was hesitant at first which I completely understand we had the conversation a few nights ago and while it wasn't easy I'm grateful she was willing to open up there were tense moments and I won't lie it was hard to hear some of what she said but for the first time in a long while I felt like we were finally addressing what had been festering between us we had talked about what had happened and I finally asked her for the truth about everything when I first discovered her father's affair he told me that she had always known about it

[02:27:36] [SPEAKER_00] in fact he claimed she had been his ally hiding things from me multiple times he even said that she disliked me and was on his side hearing that from him was devastating I couldn't believe my daughter would do something like that or feel that way about me the way I found out about the affair was awful and the idea that my daughter had played any part in it even unknowingly made it so much worse at first she was very reluctant to talk about it but eventually she opened up and started

[02:28:06] [SPEAKER_00] sharing everything including what led up to her actions a into specifics it was a matter where her actions led to serious consequences the school had a zero tolerance policy and as a result she was expelled she had to transfer to a new school and repeat the year on top of that her grades took a hit and she was finding it challenging to get back on track

[02:28:46] [SPEAKER_00] grow i wanted her to understand the gravity of the situation and emerge from it as a better person her father however completely disagreed with my approach he felt I was being too harsh insisting that she had already learned her lesson and needed support rather than punishment the tension in our household became unbearable between my frustration with him and my disappointment in her actions i found it harder and harder to communicate

[02:29:16] [SPEAKER_00] seemed to erupt over everything and nothing at the same time it wasn't just them therapy over the past year helped me realize that i played a part too my hurt and frustration often came out as anger and instead of addressing things calmly i let my emotions take control i

[02:29:46] [SPEAKER_00] from everything that had happened she admitted that part of her decision to stay quiet was fueled by a desire to get back at me she felt like keeping the secret was her way of taking revenge though she now realizes how wrong that was she also told me she had tried to get her father to come clean but he discouraged her from doing so telling her that I already had been disappointed

[02:30:17] [SPEAKER_00] hearing this from her was heartbreaking it didn't justify what she did but it helped me understand her perspective knowing her father pressured her to keep his secret makes my anger towards him even stronger he broke everything with his affair and then used our daughter to cover for him making her feel trapped and responsible for his lies I hate what he put her through to be honest our marriage was already going through a rough patch at the time and we likely would have ended up divorcing anyway however it's one thing to fail as a husband but to fail

[02:30:47] [SPEAKER_00] so completely as a parent is unforgivable they always had a good relationship and I never wanted to ruin that for her even when I was angry but seeing how he used her in his lies has only

[02:31:38] [SPEAKER_00] I or she is more outgoing and emotional there's been tension between them in the past and ever since he overheard what happened with her hiding the affair they've barely spoken I tried to talk to him about maybe giving her another chance even when I wasn't on the best terms with her I really want them to have a good relationship but I also don't want to push him too much he is his own person and I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to force him into something he isn't ready for or doesn't want to do he's allowed to make his own decisions and

[02:32:08] [SPEAKER_00] if they need time apart to heal I respect that someone mentioned the unrealistic standards we often hold women to and I've been thinking a lot about that I don't hold her to any impossible standard just because she's a woman she is the light of my life but sometimes I realize I've shared everything in such a negative way because of how it

[02:32:47] [SPEAKER_00] one step at a time op adds additional information on that post about the incident involving her daughter and says of course I haven't come to terms with it you want me to give you a recap let me give you a fucking recap my daughter participated in an inexcusable situation a situation that pushed another girl so far almost did something irreversible almost destroyed herself the other girl's parents filed a complaint against the school and my daughter admitted she was to blame

[02:33:17] [SPEAKER_00] admitted it and still made excuses for herself so yes I punished her what the hell was I supposed to do sweep it under the rug pretend it didn't happen my husband sided with her said she had been through enough she had been expelled as if that was enough she threw tantrums acted like a victim and kept saying she had learned her lesson I did everything a parent is supposed to do I tried to be the best possible mother I could in that situation then I found out my husband was

[02:33:47] [SPEAKER_00] cheating on me not just cheating cheating in the most gut wrenching humiliating way possible and what did he say when I confronted him that my daughter had known all along that she helped him someone you love knowing your own child has sided against you in something so vile but even then I didn't scream at her I didn't lash out I distanced myself

[02:34:16] [SPEAKER_00] yes but only because I didn't want to cause more damage was I supposed to act like everything was okay was I supposed to just hug her and pretend none of this had happened everything was not okay I'm trying now I'm trying my level best to fix this situation my son doesn't want me to he thinks she's toxic and tells me to stay away from her but I told him no she's my daughter and I'm going to try and yet here you all are passing your random judgments like I haven't been

[02:34:46] [SPEAKER_00] breaking my back trying to hold this family together I didn't ask for your judgment I was giving an update but fine screw you commoner says to OP please let go of the idea your son and daughter being close don't push for it don't ask for it just let it go people choose who they want to engage with and quite frankly if I were your son I would not want to be around your daughter either they won't be close and you need to be okay with that OP says honestly I'm coming to terms with it

[02:35:15] [SPEAKER_00] they have a decent age gap and their personalities are very different which often causes friction even before a concealment of the affair came to light they weren't close there were several reasons for it and I prioritizing this relationship I've also put him in therapy to help him process everything he's a bit apathetic about the situation

[02:35:45] [SPEAKER_00] not towards me but towards his sister he just doesn't care anymore which in some ways feels worse but this is where things stand for now and we don't know what might happen in the future I'm learning to avoid hurting you any more than her actions already had she was a 17 year old child being manipulated by her own father

[02:36:15] [SPEAKER_00] this is entirely 100% on him he basically told her that if she discloses his affair she'd be responsible for your further pain and the breakup of your family what child wouldn't fall into this trap hope you can find it in your heart to let this go because she bears no responsibility here mother commenter says your daughter needs

[02:36:58] [SPEAKER_00] so it was a month after that update OP came in with a new update that said therapy with my daughter is breaking me I don't even know how to start my relationship with my daughter has always been difficult but everything truly shattered when I found out she had hidden her father's affair from me she knew what he was doing and she didn't tell me when the truth came out not just about his betrayal but about her secrecy it broke something inside me that I haven't been able to repair even before the secrecy of

[02:37:28] [SPEAKER_00] her relationship with her father came to light we weren't in back memories I thought I had buried horrible ones I still haven't fully dealt with might have over corrected her in her punishment

[02:37:58] [SPEAKER_00] maybe I went too far but I wanted her to understand what she had done was not just wrong it was extremely wrong I took away her electronics because that was the medium she used to fuel the bullying everything she did online was monitored she could only use electronics for homework and even that was supervised I made her volunteer at places where she could see the impact of her actions I even put her in therapy I did everything I thought was necessary to help her to make her grow into a better person but no matter what I

[02:38:28] [SPEAKER_00] did the fighting continued she resented me I never

[02:39:00] [SPEAKER_00] abandoned her in those ways but I couldn't be there for emotionally like I should have every time I looked at her the pain came rushing back I wanted to fix things to be

[02:39:42] [SPEAKER_00] other she brought up the punishment from years ago saying I overreacted and destroyed her life she refused to acknowledge the harm she caused back then or the pain she inflicted on that other child she also refuses to

[02:40:44] [SPEAKER_00] i've never stopped loving her but i feel no matter what i do it's never enough why isn't this working why can't i make things right i tried everything i can think of and yet nothing is changing is it me am i truly that terrible of a mother am i really the villain in all of this i just don't understand how did we end up here i spent so many years trying to be the best mother i could

[02:41:09] [SPEAKER_00] trying to protect her to help her grow but every step i take feels like it makes things worse i know i've made mistakes god i know that but is this relationship really beyond repair is she better off without me why does she still refuse to see what he did how could she not see the manipulation maybe i was too harsh too distant but why does it all feel like no matter what i do

[02:41:33] [SPEAKER_00] it's never enough for her i've given everything but it's like nothing matters to her i just feel so lost maybe i'm not cut out for this maybe i've ruined everything maybe i'm the cause of all this pain she sees me as the enemy and maybe that's all i am to her now a constant reminder of everything she hates i'm breaking i'm so fucking broken and i don't know how to fix this anymore i didn't even

[02:41:59] [SPEAKER_00] know where to go from here am i supposed to just keep fighting keep giving or should i just let go i'm so tired so fucking tired i can't breathe through this it's suffocating the top commenter said to op maybe next session you return the favor list her failures talk about the harm she did specifically to that classmate dump that on her it might not have the desired effect but

[02:42:27] [SPEAKER_00] your relationship will never be right the way it is you resent each other forgiveness can only happen when hurts are acknowledged what is your therapist doing to facilitate this mess opie says she wants us to air out all our differences starting from childhood and moving forward from there my daughter and i have already started and a lot of it has been very hurtful i haven't been able to sleep properly for the past couple of nights and it's really early here right now i work longish hours so this hasn't

[02:42:55] [SPEAKER_00] been the best time for me that said i give this therapist some time she seems great so far at least up until now if it really doesn't work out in the long run then we'll consider changing her and now i just try and push through i try to say my piece to her in the next session it's really hard to say these things to her because at the end of the day she's my child but i know i have to do it and i will

[02:43:20] [SPEAKER_00] thank you again for your thoughts another commenter says why doesn't her father have primary or full custody seriously though some people are just bad apples having a blood relationship to them doesn't magically counteract deep-rooted awfulness and maybe you're an awful person too but you seem to be showing some level of self-awareness and accountability so i'm more inclined to believe you weren't the primary problem in the relationship sounds like ex-husband and daughter deserve each other

[02:43:48] [SPEAKER_00] you should focus on limiting contact focus on yourself and what you need to do to be a better person and live a life you aren't ashamed of abandoning your family is only a shameful act if they didn't work so hard to drive you away opie says she was already an adult and leaving for college when all of this happened so custody was never an issue with her i also have a son and he didn't want to live with his father i respected his decision i got custody while his father had visitation every

[02:44:15] [SPEAKER_00] other weekend he tried to exercise that visitation but my son is a very obstinate person he's not always consistent sometimes things seem great and other times they seem bad i try to stay out of his relationship with his father unless he wants to talk to me about issues i've tried to explain that his relationship with his father is separate from mine that his father could be a good dad even if he was a bad husband to me but ultimately my son is his own person and i'm not going to push him into

[02:44:42] [SPEAKER_00] something he doesn't want i want to be in his corner and support him no matter what so that's where things stand and then it was four months after that post that op came in with what they titled their update and said hey everyone i wasn't planning on posting again but i had a few messages asking for an update so i figured i'd just share this here and leave it at that i'm not looking for advice anymore and i'm definitely not looking for judgment just wanted to close the loop my daughter decided to

[02:45:09] [SPEAKER_00] stop therapy she said it wasn't helping and i could tell she didn't really want to be there anymore i didn't fight her on it can't force someone to heal and trying to do that only pushed us further apart we're still in contact but it's surface level now and in some ways that's better there's less tension fewer fights i've realized you can't really heal with someone who refuses to take accountability for their actions we're both still in individual therapy though so that's something maybe one day

[02:45:38] [SPEAKER_00] we'll meet in the middle or maybe we won't i've come to accept that things might not ever fully heal between us it still hurts but i can live with it my door is always open to her she knows that on a brighter note my boyfriend and i are planning to move in together and it feels like the right next step we're both excited about it and my son got into an amazing college i'm incredibly proud of him he's worked so hard seeing him achieve this is honestly one of the proudest moments of my life

[02:46:06] [SPEAKER_00] anyway that's where things are thank you to everyone who showed me kindness along the way this will be my last update i'm ready to let this chapter rest and just focus on what's ahead take care liz i don't think you can blame op in the end for just you know going for the the surface level relationship i mean it just sounds like the daughter was never going to change she doesn't

[02:46:32] [SPEAKER_00] take accountability for anything really not for what she did in the past that the horrific bullying that she did still blames op for what happened between their parents relationship sure there was manipulation when she was younger but it still hasn't changed as she's got older as well she still sees like you know almost like her dad is the hero and an op as the villain it does make me

[02:46:58] [SPEAKER_00] wonder if one day she's going to come back to op though when maybe when she matures a bit it might not happen but i can just see it when she realizes her dad's shitty behavior and and her own behavior one day that she might just think fuck and have some kind of realization but possibly not either but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[02:47:23] [SPEAKER_00] our next story comes from the wedding drama subreddit from ta no place 5878 and says brother-in-law's fiance claims my family never rsvp'd but i'm the only one without a seat this is a throwaway because i'm not quite ready for all of my husband's family to get involved i think i'm still reeling and trying to process this so bear with me my brother-in-law is getting

[02:47:50] [SPEAKER_00] married soon my husband is the best man and our four-year-old is the ring bearer i'm a part-time party planner so i've been helping plan a small luncheon for the bridal party immediate family and a few vendors on the wedding day so i'm not exactly a fringe guest here the rsvp deadline was a few weeks ago i filled out the online form and submitted it the same day the invitation came in the mail

[02:48:14] [SPEAKER_00] with my husband sitting right next to me we rsvp'd for the three of us me my husband and our son easy peasy right well brother-in-law's fiance sister-in-law reached out today with a text saying we never rsvp'd not hey i never saw your rsvp just checking but straight up you didn't respond which is frustrating on its own but then she tells us that while my husband and son have seats at the

[02:48:42] [SPEAKER_00] reception as they were in part of her original head counts i do not my husband was told i could come early with him to set up the luncheon still and stay for the ceremony but that i would not have a spot at the reception let me repeat that i'm married to the best man mother of the ring bearer and helping with wedding day logistics including connecting sister-in-law with some of my professional

[02:49:07] [SPEAKER_00] contacts and she somehow decided i just wouldn't be coming and she never followed up before the rsvp deadline just what i'm torn between feeling hurt furious and just flabbergasted and used i definitely feel used at best this was more a sloppy mistake that she's not owning at worst it feels like a pointed exclusion i'm not sure which stings more my husband is going to handle the conversation with his brother

[02:49:36] [SPEAKER_00] to figure out what is going on because i genuinely don't trust myself to be polite and keep the peace there was no other drama leading up to this that i was aware of i have a good relationship with my in-laws so yeah this is totally out of left field for me and my husband i'd love to hear thoughts especially from people who've gone through something similar i don't typically touch weddings with work so this is all new territory for me as a pseudo vendor guest my husband wants to reach out

[02:50:04] [SPEAKER_00] and talk to his brother first but i'm so tempted to reach out to my mother-in-law before our usual meetup tomorrow to see if she knows anything now there's something sketchy happening behind the scenes in this situation now i would definitely go with the call of letting your husband handle it first to find out what's going on because obviously you deserve way better than being treated like free labor and getting kicked out when it's time to actually celebrate with your husband and your child is still in it

[02:50:30] [SPEAKER_00] but your husband is still a part of it it's it's absolutely wild but a commenter says to op you're smart to wait and let hubs talk to his brother i'm flabbergasted also that's freaking nuts and this is coming from someone who is totally laid back and not someone who usually takes things personally just try to take your mind off it and see what hubs reports go from there op says i'm usually pretty laid back too i haven't seen the text yet but hubs called on his lunch break when he saw them they have not heard him

[02:51:00] [SPEAKER_00] this pissed in a long time i'm trying to give sister-in-law the benefit of the doubt but this feels very personal and intentional commenter says cancel the luncheon if you're not welcome at the wedding there is no need for you to be free labor op says i think i'm going to do this no matter what the outcome is it puts mother-in-law and father-in-law a bit of a lurch since they're handling the food cost but i don't know i know i'm biased because i'm in the middle of it but i feel like there should

[02:51:26] [SPEAKER_00] be some consequences then op comes in with a mini update and says small update husband and brother in law are talking now brother-in-law was not working today last night and was helping father-in-law with something this evening i called mother-in-law she had brother-in-law call husband right away from what mother-in-law and i can hear with snoopy my husband was muted on brother-in-law's phone

[02:51:50] [SPEAKER_00] and my contact was deleted brother-in-law can't log into the wedding website so he can't check to see if our rsvp was there i'm not sure if i want to become a firecracker myself or get some popcorn as i watch mother-in-law pop off another update comes in and says okay so here's the last update for the night i'm tired and a bit overwhelmed by all your responses i'm sorry i haven't replied to

[02:52:16] [SPEAKER_00] them all but i have read most of them again thank you for your advice and just general support during this really weird and upsetting time so my husband finally got a hold of brother-in-law after i called mother-in-law no one else knew this was going on while they were talking brother-in-law tried logging into their wedding website to see if there was a mistake or misunderstanding but couldn't log in so he texted sister-in-law to see if she changed the password and she just told him to come home instead

[02:52:44] [SPEAKER_00] this set off three one brother-in-law ended the call with husband to call sister-in-law about why she couldn't answer a simple question two mother-in-law popped off about how dare that woman exclude op three mother-in-law and father-in-law popped off on brother-in-law but already living with sister-in-law they are very religious and traditional and don't believe that a couple should live together before marriage husband and i sympathize with brother-in-law brother-in-law and sister-in-law argued over the

[02:53:14] [SPEAKER_00] phone apparently she started claiming that it was an unfortunate glitch and it was too late to add another seat now then it was that we never jived in would it really be so bad if i went home early plus i could take our son home with me because he'd be tired by then at 5 p.m this woman does not know kids then it was i've always been mean and excluding her from things even though she never invited me to

[02:53:39] [SPEAKER_00] any of the girly fun wedding events at this point my husband and i are glued to my phone as we're hearing yelling from all four of them until sister-in-law hangs up brother-in-law is spending the night at his parents and is unsure about the wedding now he plans on going home tomorrow with husband going with for moral support i'll be going with hubby to my in-laws to hang out until we hear back about the situation at the battlefront and opi adds i initially wasn't invited to the bridal

[02:54:07] [SPEAKER_00] shower then her mom brought it up at easter dinner and that's when i was awkwardly invited i guess her vibe always felt off to me she doesn't like my hobbies specifically tabletop rpgs and video games their hobbies have in common with mother-in-law and sister-in-law stopped bashing them as much when she found out mother-in-law also partakes in quests across tamriel and the forgotten realm

[02:54:30] [SPEAKER_00] two hours later opi adds another mini update and says sorry one more teeny 1am update husband is asleep i should be too but still reeling and pissed i thought to take a screen cap of the message she sent hubby for future proof and it's gone she used facebook messenger to text my husband and it says her texts are deleted dare i say so op comes in with an update and says updates brother-in-law's

[02:54:59] [SPEAKER_00] fiance claims my family never rsvp'd but i'm the only one without a seat or op can't sleep after word vomiting in this in a journal so why not post the update so hi the preface i did not expect my post to blow up the way it did several commenters mentioned it just popped up in their recommended and holy jeez it got way bigger than i could ever imagine so uh thank you i think it's super

[02:55:25] [SPEAKER_00] overwhelming on top of the real life soap opera i'm living through this weekend just to clarify something from the original post i did not plan everything for the wedding i offered to bring food for a small luncheon between photos 10am and the ceremony 4pm as dinner wasn't planned until 6pm it was going to be a long day at a farm in the middle of nowhere i offered to do it to be nice but also to make sure no one specifically a certain four-year-old would be hangry for the ceremony

[02:55:53] [SPEAKER_00] sister-in-law also used one of my vendor contacts so with things going south my professional reputation shouldn't really be impacted update turns out the no seat for op issue was the problem that broke brother-in-law's relationship and we're a bit upset brother-in-law didn't talk to anyone about this until it blew up behind the scenes brother-in-law and sister-in-law were having arguments about their future together most of these arguments centered around having kids early on sister-in-law

[02:56:22] [SPEAKER_00] gave the impression that she wanted children someday but as they got more serious she started backtracking a few months ago brother-in-law realized that it's very likely sister-in-law never wanted kids but felt too invested in the relationship to leave but brother-in-law always imagined having a large family so this really shook him on top of that sister-in-law had jealousy and insecurity issues her brother-in-law i'd be in her latest target which started when i turned down going to a mani

[02:56:52] [SPEAKER_00] slash pedi with her why did i turn her down husband and son had rotavirus apparently i was icing her out by not wanting to spread gastrointestinal doom can anyone please explain this logic to us lastly sister-in-law was apparently already floating the idea of disinviting our son from the reception because he would have been the only small child there brother-in-law shut that down immediately the mother-in-law and father-in-law kept that knowledge from us to spare our feelings

[02:57:21] [SPEAKER_00] ergo our lost rsvp was not a software glitch nor was it an oversight but a rather stupidly calculated move sister-in-law was apparently hoping one of two things would happen either i would make a scene about being disinvited and be seen as the problem or we would quietly accept our fate and she would not have to deal with two undesirables at a reception with all of this in mind i can't figure out why she

[02:57:46] [SPEAKER_00] would have messaged my husband instead of me was she trying to cause more family drama again the logic is not logicking brother-in-law was already feeling some uncertainty because of the shifting kids slash no kids conversation but the deliberate seating stunt gave him the last push and clarity he needed brother-in-law told my husband it was a level of manipulation and cruelty that he could not overlook so he ended things and asked for the ring back no wedding no reception just a super

[02:58:16] [SPEAKER_00] messy emotionally heavy and expensive breakup i feel so bad for brother-in-law he's going through so much heartache right now but he deserves better in a partner hopefully sister-in-law can find a family dynamic that doesn't feel like a never-ending battlefield that's all for now i'm still tired i'm still flabbergasted but i'm also relieved this wedding arc is coming to an end one of the top commenters on this one just said your non-sister-in-law is an idiot opie says you'll hear no arguments from

[02:58:46] [SPEAKER_00] us commenter says oh poor brother-in-law expensive heartache but glad he is out before an expensive divorce you'll find somebody for him take some rest you're opie says i know he will find someone that will be perfect for him i'm still annoyed with him though he was more lamenting being old and alone at dinner and i was like honey you're the baby of the family have some more fries and shut up commenter says a couple of things one the trash taking itself out my heart goes out to your brother-in-law

[02:59:16] [SPEAKER_00] reckon with the full support of your incredible family future him is going to look back on all of this and be so proud of how he handled it as well as every member of your family that's a huge acknowledgement of how solid you all are two have your brother-in-law get ahead of all the counseling help him reach out to guests on both sides and offer the bacon cookies or something and deliver them to local guests maybe as a gesture of good faith everyone will remember that kindness three

[02:59:42] [SPEAKER_00] we're also proud of you many of us would have gone scorched earth but cooler heads prevailed take a break babes you'll deserve it opie says your number two point is a great idea thank you mother-in-law bakes when she's trying to not be upset so the household is overflowing with baked treats right now i'll ask brother-in-law if this is something he wants to do tomorrow and go from there someone asks how long were they together opie says under two years the wedding day was their dating

[03:00:10] [SPEAKER_00] anniversary commenter says her poorly executed treachery turns out to be a blessing in disguise for brother-in-law had she not hatched this ill-fated plot and sabotaged the phone etc he would have married to this monster her cover-up ironically was the evidence of truth on another note this is really unusual and why the post got so much attention we see mostly obnoxious conduct but this scenario is unique she really outdid almost every shitty bridezilla how did the conversation with your

[03:00:40] [SPEAKER_00] husband and him go there was obviously some admissions did you get a sense of the tone of talk opie says i was wondering why my little vent and need for advice is trending because sister-in-law's poorly done power trip i don't think this was an unusual situation i don't know all of the details of the convo my husband had with brother-in-law from my understanding on the drive to the apartment my husband asked hey what's your game plan because this is full-on crazy and not okay brother-in-law opened

[03:01:08] [SPEAKER_00] up to him about everything that was going on then about how the sister-in-law reacted her brother-in-law there was a lot of begging and crying it was also anger and accusations that he was cheating with me ew followed by professions of love and offers to go to therapy she also kept taking the items he was packing up out of his bags until he called my husband to come in and be another set of eyes

[03:01:33] [SPEAKER_00] but now i'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story now our next story comes from our very own subreddit from r slash mark narrations if you want to share your own stories please feel free to get involved but this story is from autistic ammonite and says am i the asshole for

[03:01:58] [SPEAKER_00] not letting my mom talk to my kids on their birthday after she cut contact with me following my disclosure of sexual abuse by my father before we get into this trigger warnings of grooming rape sex trafficking so if you do want to skip the story please feel free to do so timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below but let's get started and just a quick message to the op as well i saw your very first paragraph you've written there and much love to you really do

[03:02:26] [SPEAKER_00] appreciate it and now we're going to start with your story it says i 44 female i'm dutch but live in the uk the rest of my family is in the netherlands a few weeks ago i disclosed to my family that i was groomed raped and sex trafficked by my father and grandfather from childhood until i was 24. these memories came back recently in a tidal wave somatic emotional overwhelming triggered by therapy trauma work

[03:02:54] [SPEAKER_00] and adhd medication it took me decades to break through disassociation i now know i survived a long-term incest and intergenerational abuse before the full truth surfaced i'd already been posting short-form anonymous videos about neurodivergence and trauma i'm late diagnosed autistic and adhd as my recovery intensified my content became more personal about what i survived family members followed

[03:03:23] [SPEAKER_00] my account and didn't comment didn't check in i felt invisible again like the too intense one they always tiptoed around in desperation i sent a few videos spelling out clearly what my father and grandfather did directly to my mother brothers aunts and uncles the family didn't deny it they knew the men involved were abusive had always been sexually inappropriate violent and controlling most relatives

[03:03:51] [SPEAKER_00] expressed support but it was clear my truth made them uncomfortable no one sat with me in the aftermath no one really asked what do you need some said they were angry these men got away with it my grandfather is dead and my father vanished abroad over a decade ago they want me to go to the police but none of them are beside me for the fallout the person i most hoped would be present

[03:04:14] [SPEAKER_00] was my mother 62 female i told her before i told the others at first she reacted with shock and support but that quickly changed she said the details were too much for her she became nostalgic then defensive when i expressed pain at not being protected she snapped that she and my brothers never raped me as

[03:04:36] [SPEAKER_00] if that absolved her she refused therapy she refuses to reflect she insists she did her best she claims she's the one being attacked by me she's never asked how i survived she only asks why i'm making things so loud i told her i can't keep carrying her feelings i begged her to do some inner work for the sake of our relationship and for my kids she refused she was outraged i dared question her love she said i was

[03:05:05] [SPEAKER_00] exhausting her and that she needed space i respected that and i backed off but a few days later she texted asking to facetime with my children on their birthday i said no now i'm being painted as the villain for not letting her speak to her grandchildren for drawing a line for being cruel but i'm not trying to punish her i just can't keep pretending she's safe for me or for my children when she won't even face

[03:05:32] [SPEAKER_00] what happened our entire relationship i was the one doing all the emotional labor and i don't have the capacity for that anymore i don't want revenge i want healing but i won't offer up my children as props in the broken dynamic i'm trying to escape so am i the arsehole for not letting my mom talk to my kids on their birthday after she cut contact with me following my disclosure of sexual abuse by my father

[03:05:57] [SPEAKER_00] oh bloody hell mate that is firstly i just want to say how incredibly brave it is that you're even sharing this story to break through what you said decades of disassociation to face these memories and then you know be advocating for yourself and your children that's huge that's strong absolutely not having this boundary in place it's not cruel at all it's something that needs to be done you're

[03:06:24] [SPEAKER_00] protecting your children from something that harmed you the dynamic that harmed you and i'm sure your mom has her own story but she had the opportunity to step up to do the work to be that safe person for you and your kids but she chose otherwise she chose to be defensive about it you know that's her choice and now these are her consequences and in many stories that we've covered we talked about like

[03:06:51] [SPEAKER_00] generational cycles abuse or whatever and breaking those and that's what you're doing and you know it's never easy but it's super important to do for your children for yourself everything that you're seeing from that side of the family painting you as the air quotes villain it's just deflection that's all it is it's much easier to blame you than to look at themselves in the mirror in my opinion you need to keep

[03:07:18] [SPEAKER_00] choosing yourself keep choosing your kids what you've been doing the progress you've made is absolutely incredible and i hope you really do recognize that and and anyone that questions that in any way shape or form anyone that doesn't want to support you through that you know i know this is gonna be easy for me to say but fuck them the commenter says soft shoulder not the arsehole she cut contact with you that includes your children you can't trust her she either walked through all of your

[03:07:42] [SPEAKER_00] abuse with blinders on or enabled it you're absolutely valid to keep your children away from her i would cut her off and anyone who agrees with her medicometer says not the arsehole i've been exposed since childhood to family members dealing with the after effects of csa and through them friends dealing with the after effects of csa the mothers don't generally handle it well if they did their best and their children were still brutalized while in their care they're dealing with the fact that they loved the

[03:08:09] [SPEAKER_00] abuser and the fact that the child likely wouldn't have existed without the abuser it's especially troublesome when they can't do anything to the abuser because they are dead or gone siblings and other close family members often react the same way i remember hearing in more detail about a loved one i had to step away because i didn't want them to be forced to deal with my anger and rage at my inability to avenge them i've gone through all of the therapy so once i cooled down a smidge i explained a

[03:08:37] [SPEAKER_00] bit of my thought process i'm sorry it sucks they are dealing with complicated emotions that they have no idea on how to handle and it's resulting on you falling on the sword of the messenger but yes stepping away and keeping your children away is a very very good idea if they aren't willing to process their own emotions in a therapeutic setting okay image says it's hard for people to accept in many people's cases they've had to separate the person they love or rely on from the scumbag that did them harm

[03:09:07] [SPEAKER_00] just to mentally survive which makes it unbearable for the one actively exposed and overcome slash pull away and escape you need to work on you because your mother doesn't sound capable of dealing with your pain there the abusers and her rampant guilt for being apparently unable to protect you no one is excused no one is getting a pass but you will go a little insane if you try and make folks comprehend

[03:09:32] [SPEAKER_00] that positively will not let's sail down denial not the river in egypt until they are ready to face it which might be never you need to heal you need support you need professional care and you won't get it from your family but at some point later opie did come in with an update and says not sure how to update so i'll add it here i guess doesn't seem to be able to link the original post new to reddit and

[03:09:58] [SPEAKER_00] says update my mom's younger sister my aunt called me i expected more of i don't want to be in the middle as i'm neutral i support you but you're incorrect about your mother like she had been texting me earlier in the month but i'm still hanging on the hope that i can repair and salvage the relationship with my mother because i love her if someone can get through to her so i accepted the call i got what i expected in some attempts to control my tone and voice she tried to play the middle my

[03:10:27] [SPEAKER_00] aunt kept circling back to me needing to work on myself that i should go to therapy first then try to repair the relationship i told her that's what everyone keeps saying you should go to therapy you should work on yourself as if i haven't been doing that for years in fact it's therapy and the safety and insight it gave me that unlocked all of this the buried trauma the repressed memories the full weight of what happened when i approached my family the way my therapist suggests clear honest direct

[03:10:55] [SPEAKER_00] they don't like it it's too intense too much too real then she suddenly had a brilliant idea she needed to convince me of couples therapy between me and my mother she was surprised i didn't shoot it down in fact i had to interrupt her multiple times to tell her i completely agree i've been asking for exactly that kind of mutual accountability she was flabbergasted thought i was being sarcastic that

[03:11:22] [SPEAKER_00] tells you how distorted the family's view of me is when i calmly say yes to something healthy they assume i'm faking she also told me there's no way my mom will agree to individual therapy because my mom has no problem being unemotional that sentence alone tells you why this entire dynamic is what it is i told her i never demanded that of her i suggested therapy when she said she had no idea what i wanted

[03:11:47] [SPEAKER_00] her to self-reflect on she has no idea what my mother will think of the therapy idea but said she had tried to suggest it and get back to me your aunt isn't being neutral here at all she's taking side and she's taking your mother's side uh that's the way it comes across to me anyway the whole you need therapy first well you are in therapy that's literally how you got here again it's just more

[03:12:12] [SPEAKER_00] deflection it's you you're the issue here when you're not another telling thing was you know about your her saying about your mom being unemotional no problem being unemotional your aunt just basically said that your mother's emotional unavailability is a normal thing for her it's like great that's the problem then defends it i know again this is gonna sound awful to say but i don't think your mom's

[03:12:37] [SPEAKER_00] gonna agree to couples therapy i think they weren't expecting you to say yes and and that'd be it kind of thing i have a feeling now all you're gonna see is excuses about why she's not going to go to therapy but they thought throwing this in your face about couples therapy it makes them look reasonable in some kind of way i think in some ways though you'll get something out of the answer either that she's gonna show up and and do the work or she's gonna refuse and then you get your answer that you know

[03:13:06] [SPEAKER_00] she's not willing to repair anything at all but in the end for me and i know this is as i always say it's so easy for me to say sat behind a microphone but you know from very early on in the post where you said the family didn't deny it they knew the men were involved were abusive have always been sexually inappropriate violent and controlling you know they knew about this i know they probably all have their own stories to tell mother likely went through some stuff as well if i found out my family members

[03:13:36] [SPEAKER_00] allowed a child to be abused and then got defensive when called out i'd be done forever i certainly wouldn't want them near children either but as i always say that's super easy for me to say sat here behind the microphone but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and a huge thank you for sharing your story as well and you know i hope whatever path you take going forward it's for yourself it's for you and for your kids because you simply deserve

[03:14:05] [SPEAKER_00] better but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below our next story comes from tall month 9107 and it says am i the arsehole for threatening my father to kick him out with his family i'm 25 male not from the us not looking to get into legalities i know where i stand on that some context my father married his now wife when i was 15 she was really pushy with me

[03:14:34] [SPEAKER_00] because the relationship with her own daughter was almost non-existent my father did nothing and i ended up moving with my grandpa father's father a few months later grandpa passed away suddenly when i was 17 and i inherited all his properties instead of moving back with them they moved with me to grandpa's house i left when i was 18 to go to college and i go back home a few times a year i let

[03:15:00] [SPEAKER_00] them stay there rent free as long as they don't touch my room and grandpa's office the house has four rooms now i got a call from him telling me that i need to clean my room out because they plan to turn it into a nursery room apparently my father's wife got in touch with his daughter because she is pregnant and doesn't have a place to stay i denied his request and reminded him who owns the house they are staying in and better not touch the rooms unless they want me to kick them out i told them there is an

[03:15:29] [SPEAKER_00] empty room she can stay there but she claims it's too small for both of them i said that if they have a problem then go back to his own place there she can take my room i didn't know if he still has the house i think i've been more than reasonable but my uncle father's brother he doesn't have the best relationship with my father called me to say think about it and not kick them out so i wonder am i

[03:15:52] [SPEAKER_00] the arsehole of course absolutely not the arsehole and it's honestly wild how some people could live rent free in someone else's house for years and then still have this level of entitlement you were gracious enough to offer another empty room but apparently it's too small which basically again translates to we need the bigger room because we feel entitled to it bloody cheeky bastards

[03:16:18] [SPEAKER_00] you know it's incredibly easy to not act entitled when someone is letting you live somewhere for free respecting their boundaries using the available space and just basically showing some gratitude towards them it's really not that hard but international job says not the arsehole it's your house you let them stay there rent free on the condition that they don't touch those two rooms i think that's more than fair they're getting a little overly comfortable with what you are so

[03:16:46] [SPEAKER_00] generously allowing them to do even if they agree to back off of this i think it's way past time they start paying you for living in your house make it abundantly clear you're doing them a favor by allowing them to live there another commenter says not the arsehole talk about kicking a gift horse in the mouth they stay for free so they are banking all that money they have one rule do not touch these two rooms invited someone to live with them i'm going to guess without permission

[03:17:16] [SPEAKER_00] and only call to ask you to move your things from your house wow just wow the audacity of those people if i were you i'd task someone that you hire each week or month to visit the property and report back to you huge industry says not the arsehole you've been very generous until now to people who were not too kind to you when you were still a teenager if the stepsister moves in and you may never get the

[03:17:41] [SPEAKER_00] house back oh my god what if the baby's father gets in the picture and wants to move it also yikes have they paid you rent have you ever asked this is not their house and i'm glad you made that clear to them if your stepsister needs a place then she and her mom can deal with it opie replied saying i've never asked them for rent i am and was comfortable with just having them watching the

[03:18:04] [SPEAKER_00] house but yeah that seems to change now and one more comment from one piece nick who says not the arsehole stand your ground if they want your stepsister to move in and take up more space than you're willing to give then they should at least pay market pay rent they have lived rent free for so long that they should be able to afford supplementing her rent for a good while eviction notice if they break the rules just think of how much money you could have saved if you had rented out the place or how

[03:18:32] [SPEAKER_00] you could probably afford a great mortgage to buy a place where you live now if you sold your house they don't seem to recognize how grateful they should be for living rent free for so long ask your friend to start checking the place once a month again opie replied saying i'm pretty sure my stepsister is in the house already although not in my room but i'm going tomorrow morning to check the house myself and talk to them so at some point later opie comes in with their first update and

[03:19:00] [SPEAKER_00] says the day i wrote the original post i called mrs lawyer to accompany me to the house to deal with this in a civil manner well saturday we went in the morning with the paperwork once we arrived i tried to open the door i got the pleasant surprise that my father had changed the locks big mistake he walked through the door and he told me that until i changed my mind he wasn't going to let me in i told him that i wasn't planning to kick them out and i was there to solve this the right way but if he wasn't going

[03:19:28] [SPEAKER_00] to let me in i was going to do it my way he didn't let me in on my way to the police station my uncle called me and said that my father called him in order to make me change my mind but he wasn't going to do it and will support whatever i decided in the police station mrs lawyer explained the situation to them and they came with us so i could evict them without issues once there the police spoke to them and told them that they had to let me in and get their things out as soon as possible

[03:19:55] [SPEAKER_00] i hired a moving truck for them my father tried to fight saying that he sold his house and doesn't have a place to go and he also claimed that he was the rightful owner but the dimwit doesn't have any paperwork to prove it in a last attempt he brought up the fact that my stepsister is pregnant but unfortunately for them she's in the early stages and doesn't matter either way after their circus was over the removal of their things was quick most of the things in the house are mine except for the

[03:20:23] [SPEAKER_00] things they have in their room and my stepsister stuff i'm currently in the house and plan to stay here for the next few days i've changed the locks and i'm installing security cameras i talked to my girlfriend about moving here and she's more than happy to do so i'm going to talk to my boss about the possibility to work from home but it's not a real problem if i can't without having to worry about the house figuring out the rest is easy that's pretty much it i think i covered everything thank you

[03:20:52] [SPEAKER_00] for taking your time with this mess i used to call family so it was around six weeks after that post op came in with a new one that was titled my father and his newfound entitlement my girlfriend found this space and asked me to share our last encounters with my father so here it goes we hadn't heard from him until a few days ago when he showed up at the house i wasn't there but girlfriend was my girlfriend

[03:21:19] [SPEAKER_00] told me that my father was there to tell us that since we are now living in the house we have to host them for the christmas holidays not only that he gave her a list of the food they wanted and gifts they expect to receive my girlfriend told him to go away before she called the police i again thought it was over but i was wrong again yesterday we received another visit from him apparently he called my mother to invite her to spend the holidays with us she blew him off and told him she will take us

[03:21:48] [SPEAKER_00] girlfriend and i to europe for new year's eve he had the balls to demand she take them too my mother just hung up mind you this was the first time they had spoken after divorcing 16 years ago he came to the house to demand i convinced my mother to take them too or that we pay for them to go with us at this point his attitude stopped being disappointing and turned comical my girlfriend

[03:22:13] [SPEAKER_00] and i just laughed at him we laughed so hard that we didn't notice when he left i can say that we didn't have the best relationship but he wasn't entitled i mean it was already clear why my grandfather his father was completely disappointed in him but it seems that he wants to take it to another new level i don't know if he will stop but i hope he does for the rest of the year

[03:22:36] [SPEAKER_00] edit i have a security system there are cameras everywhere i know if he is there i have other properties my tenants and people close to my girlfriend than me even my neighbors know what to do if my father approaches them in my name i doubt he will try to break in when we're not here when i evicted them my lawyer and the police were more than clear that he could face serious problems if he tries to enter the house or any other of my properties unfortunately in my country any kind

[03:23:04] [SPEAKER_00] of restraining order is pretty much useless it is more helpful to call the police right then and there and he knows i have no problem calling them someone said to op is your father just broken op responded saying i agree that he is broken but i can say that he is by his own hand and not by pressure of any kind he knows what he is doing i was basically raised by grandparents his parents and they didn't raise me any different than him or my uncle who is another case it baffles me that

[03:23:33] [SPEAKER_00] they turned this way my grandparents raised us to be decent people they decided not to be it's so bad that my grandparents passed away without speaking to any of them i grew up watching him make one mistake after another no ownership or attempt to be better my grandparents tried to help him but he refused and said he was living his life the way he wanted how can you help someone when he thinks he is right my grandfather used to say that my father is weak and i agree because i have no argument to say

[03:24:03] [SPEAKER_00] otherwise i never expected to get anything from my grandparents i'm grateful for what they left me and i still would be if they left me nothing because they did more than what they should i already knew that i will not get anything from my father financially or emotionally the same with my mother our relationships is superficial it's been like this since i was a kid but i won't worry if she ever stops and leaves me nothing it is her right the same with my father in the end i take what i'm given

[03:24:32] [SPEAKER_00] and i can agree with you that i'm also entitled so it was two and a half months after that post that obie came in with another one that was titled a little family mess and my father strikes again but now got more than he asked for some have messaged me for an update so this post can be considered one and then shared the original post and said after the last incident with my father everything was quiet and my girlfriend and

[03:25:00] [SPEAKER_00] i left to europe christmas passed and there was no sight of my father my friends that were taking care of the house reported no incidents everything was going well until i received a call from my uncle father's brother on december 28th my uncle called me to tell me he's leaving the state and is selling his house he asked me if i was interested in the house because he was pretty desperate to leave he didn't tell me the reason why he was leaving and i didn't care what matters to me is that he was

[03:25:29] [SPEAKER_00] desperate and this was the opportunity to fulfill my grandpa's wish before i continue i have to give you some context my uncle's house was my grandfather's childhood home my grandpa gave it to him but later regretted it he left me the task of recovering it and if i succeed to give it to my cousin marie my uncle's daughter from his first marriage he never recognized erin that is one of the many reasons of

[03:25:55] [SPEAKER_00] my grandpa's regret my uncle doesn't know that i have contact with his daughter or that i know everything that happened in the past if he did he wouldn't sell me the house yes he is that petty now i declined to use the family card and my uncle's desperation to get the house cheap i know more or less the value of the house so i made him an offer way below the real value but that i was going to pay him in three installments my uncle declined because it was too low and because he is not

[03:26:24] [SPEAKER_00] coming back what he really meant is that he's not going to contact me again i told him that if he could wait until my return january 3rd i could pay him the same amount in one go but i would also take care of the legal fees and his moving expenses meanwhile he just needed to pack his things have his paperwork ready and everything would be done that day surprisingly he immediately agreed we returned and i could buy the

[03:26:51] [SPEAKER_00] house without problems and my uncle left the same day the next day i called my cousin to tell her to come as soon as she can to my country she lives in europe because there is one more thing that my grandparents left to her she came a few days ago and i gave her the house and the rest of the money she had to stay a few days to deal with paperwork and in those days who decided to appear once again yes my father

[03:27:15] [SPEAKER_00] unbeknownst to me my uncle had another buyer and that person was my father my father asked my uncle to wait a few days so he could gather more money when he got it he called my uncle but he already sold me the house my uncle in order to avoid dealing with my father told him that i bought the house my father knowing that he can no longer approach my house he decided to go to my new one but he was going to receive a surprise he knocked and demanded that i give it to him but no one is in there for the moment

[03:27:45] [SPEAKER_00] so he decided to break in yes yes he did we saw everything through the doorbell camera my cousin doesn't speak our language so i was the one who called the police in her name thanks to the area where the house is and the fact that my cousin is a foreigner the police took action faster than the previous times it is a pity that i don't have a photo of my father's face when he discovered that the house wasn't mine it was glorious my cousin with my lawyer's help and mine pressed charges and combined

[03:28:14] [SPEAKER_00] with my father's previous actions he will spend a few months in jail thanks to a few people i was able to find out why my uncle was so desperate to leave he pissed off his wife's family like really bad i sent a text telling him that if he likes ratting me out to my father i can do the same with his wife's family so he better not come back unless he wants to play stupid games he blocked me after that lol he already told me he wasn't coming back but i better make sure he doesn't

[03:28:42] [SPEAKER_00] in the end if my cousin decides to keep the house this will benefit her since she doesn't want to cross pass with my uncle so yeah the year started off with a bang i pretty much got rid of my so-called family for what i think is forever and can finally start building one with my girlfriend without the worry of unwanted people showing up someone said to op what did the uncle do to upset the wife's family op said he got drunk on christmas and ended up fighting with his brother-in-law and his nephew

[03:29:11] [SPEAKER_00] brother-in-law's son and if that wasn't enough he also punched his stepdaughter who was trying to calm him down all this in front of his wife's entire family the commenter replied saying just curious what was he charged or arrested op says none which is why he was in a hurry to leave the father's behavior in this is absolutely wild went from let me live in your house rent free to also pay for my european vacation and you know host christmas dinner with a very specific menu

[03:29:41] [SPEAKER_00] it's just like he's in some kind of alternate reality complete entitlement with no self-awareness whatsoever and then ends up in jail for breaking in what he thought was his son's house but ended up to be the cousins holy moly but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story now our next story comes from lowerbird78

[03:30:07] [SPEAKER_00] from the relationship advice subreddit and it says my 46 female boyfriend 38 male won't let me end the relationship how do i get out of this my boyfriend james refuses to let me end the relationship we've been together for a little over a year and living together since november before we moved in together things were good we lived in different areas so most of our time together was over weekends

[03:30:32] [SPEAKER_00] we get along well talked often phone and texts did things together met each other's families etc if any issues arose we talked about them and worked it out which is why we decided to move in together that's when things changed after moving in together he started becoming more and more clingy wanting to spend every available minute together he started staying home a lot i work from

[03:30:56] [SPEAKER_00] home when all of a sudden we're constantly together it started to become an issue but when i tried to talk to him about it it was my fault he was being that way i wasn't giving him quality time because being in the same room with someone isn't being together just occupying the same space so i made it a point to give him the one-on-one without distractions daily it got worse he started throwing tantrums we get invited to go somewhere and last minute he decide he doesn't want to go but says

[03:31:26] [SPEAKER_00] it's fine if i do i won't be gone 30 minutes when he'll start texting me and he'll text non-stop the whole time if i stop answering i get messages that will say things like i won't be here when you get back or you're not going to like what you find when you do get back then when i do get back doesn't matter if i come back right away or hours later he's crying and telling me how neglectful and dismissive i am of his feelings at first i listened and apologized tried to be mindful but then his

[03:31:55] [SPEAKER_00] insecurity started he started questioning if there was someone else he said it was his insecurities nothing i was doing but it's better to voice them and have my reassurance than to let it fester that makes sense the first time maybe the second time not the 15th time we started arguing because when exactly do i have time for someone else we are never apart for more than 10 minutes it just got

[03:32:21] [SPEAKER_00] worse he started arguments over nothing nothing would be going on nothing would happen he'd just come in the room yelling he's reading my journals he either goes through my phone or has installed spyware on it he questions me about things i've written in the journal or text messages then try to lie and say that he read it over my shoulder this week has been the worst yet we were out for dinner he decided it

[03:32:46] [SPEAKER_00] was the appropriate time to discuss things in our relationship in a very public intimate dinner setting we had been having a good day no arguing both enjoying the day laughing not five minutes before this i was immediately uncomfortable and very much on guard i don't like airing my dirty laundry and he knows this he insists on talking about it right then i said it wasn't the place or time he

[03:33:11] [SPEAKER_00] doesn't stop i'm not engaging after a few minutes of this he decides we need to leave because my demeanor is making him look bad everyone can see that something is wrong and is making him look bad we got up and left without eating a meal that we already paid for on the way home i started to quietly cry and he started yelling he was driving erratically and too fast i told him to

[03:33:35] [SPEAKER_00] slow down he slammed on the brakes from 77 to full stop in the middle of the interstate twice we are lucky we didn't cause an accident and hurt other people he wouldn't let me out this went on the whole two-hour ride home i ended it that night told him it's over i'm not doing this anymore the car ride was the last straw he refuses to leave says if i want him out i'll have to evict him he begs he cries

[03:34:02] [SPEAKER_00] he takes my keys so i can't leave he threatens to kill himself i don't want to go to my aunt's because she doesn't need the drama i have no other family close i have nowhere else to go i can start the eviction process but that takes a month or longer he just keeps saying he can get better i don't care if he can i don't know what to do am i really gonna have to deal with this until i can evict him the

[03:34:27] [SPEAKER_00] police here won't do anything because he hasn't physically assaulted me i tried as civil no contact judge said the same thing i called the lawyer same thing until he physically assaults me there's nothing they can do to help me how do i handle this now we have an edit in a second where opie's going to be talking about their past relationships within the talk is talk of a car accident where someone dies

[03:34:52] [SPEAKER_00] is so if you do want to skip this part please feel free to do so i'll mark it in the timestamp as edit and you can skip to the next part clarification i've been married once he was abusive was sleeping with his first wife behind my back once my divorce was final 2014 he remarried his first wife she died less than a year under mysterious circumstances two years after the divorce he died of a massive heart

[03:35:17] [SPEAKER_00] attack he has a son that i raised for years at 17 now my boyfriend died in 2017 he fell asleep while driving home from work graveyard shift crossed the center line and hit a semi head-on he was pronounced dead at the scene he was a mile from home the next one was in 2018 he cheated and an alcoholic

[03:35:39] [SPEAKER_00] he split up october of 2023 i met my current boyfriend in december of 2023 i know not much time between the last two also i'm not questioning if i should get out of this relationship just how to handle this until i can get him out of my house i own my home so there is no landlord to speak of i've called the police the lawyer and my county judge all say since he hasn't physically assaulted me there is nothing

[03:36:05] [SPEAKER_00] they can do to help commenter says to op next time he threatens to hurt himself call the cops he's not sorry he won't change you're in danger i need to act on it it's not drama it's your safety talk to your aunt and your landlord commenter says the quickest way to evict would be to get a protective order and request he be forced to leave the place they don't get a 30-day notice if he's a threat

[03:36:31] [SPEAKER_00] he gets booted immediately there's probably exceptions to that but at minimum it's worth trying opi says i own the home will they do anything if he just denies it won't it just be my word against his in which case it's a civil matter and they won't do anything commenter says if he's threatening to hurt himself having committed involuntarily nyc storyteller says taking your keys is kidnapping

[03:36:55] [SPEAKER_00] start the eviction process and document everything keep calling the cops every time he does shit like this he really could get you both killed putting a stunt like that on the highway just because he hasn't hit you doesn't mean he's not an abuser contact the domestic violence hotline and get an advocate and basically everything those comments were saying he's holding a hostage in her own home and it's gone from like controlling behavior to downright dangerous risking your life slamming the brakes

[03:37:25] [SPEAKER_00] on an interstate it just shows that it's escalating rather than getting better and i would have strongly encouraged opi to talk to that aunt and let them know if a family member came up to me and told them and told me they was in this position i would want to support them in any way that i could you know this isn't just air quotes drama this is seriously dangerous and i hope any family member that was in that position would would be open arms if i was in a similar position like i would be for

[03:37:53] [SPEAKER_00] them but it was four months after this that ob came in with an update and said it's been four months and thought i'd post an update i took some of the advice and filed the eviction a week after my original post i switched bedrooms and placed locks on my bedroom and office doors i tried to stay calm and not engage in arguments did my best to keep things smooth until eviction he was not having it we go from crying to talking calmly to yelling daily the more i refused to engage the more volatile he

[03:38:22] [SPEAKER_00] became the more aggressive he was if i didn't respond to him within five minutes text or in person i was ignoring him didn't matter if i was working driving doing stuff around the house or just sitting at home it was exhausting and i was just counting the days approximately one week until eviction he was sending me texts while sitting in the same room as me i finally told him i was going to answer another

[03:38:46] [SPEAKER_00] message he sent three more long texts i set my phone down and got up to leave the room he attacked me before i got to the doorway he knocked me to the ground slammed my head and arm against the floor tried to force himself on me then head-butted me gave me two black eyes after this he took my phone loaded his things into his car and left this happened on friday evening my cousin and a friend came to

[03:39:12] [SPEAKER_00] stay with me for the weekend that night my friend found a hidden camera in my fireplace i took pictures and disconnected it we spent the rest of the weekend looking for others we didn't find any more but did find a gps tracker on my car we also found my basement door that leads to outside had been tampered with also my basement door leading into the house has a chain lock well the bracket that is attached to

[03:39:36] [SPEAKER_00] the door frame had the screws clipped short and then pushed back into the frame so that would hold but with just a bit of pressure wouldn't hold making the chain lock useless i documented and took pictures of it all he continued to call and make threats all weekend he said he went back to his hometown but i don't think he did i think he sat in his car watching my house all weekend the following monday i filed a no contact order through the courts that same day he was arrested on his way back to his hometown

[03:40:05] [SPEAKER_00] unrelated charges i was granted the no contact order he is still in jail the last couple of months have been a struggle for me emotionally i didn't realize how much of a toll this has taken on my mental health i've been looking into therapy couldn't hurt any at this point my physical injuries healed up no permanent damage just swelling and bruising that's it i've just been working on me he's still in jail and i'm unsure of when he'll get out but i'll be notified when he does get released thank you

[03:40:35] [SPEAKER_00] everyone for all the advice i really appreciate those that answered and gave advice commenter says i just want to chime in as a former law enforcement worker you should move see if you can talk to a victim's advocate and they can help you find resources to move sometimes there are victim funds that pay for moving expenses even if you have to move into a domestic violence shelter you should not be anywhere he can find you this kind of man is fully capable of killing you make sure law enforcement has

[03:41:04] [SPEAKER_00] all the details on the assault your injuries the trackers everything because if someday you disappear it will be his fault stay safe keep vigilant and i'm sorry this man happened to you no summer says i just want to add if you do buy a new house see if you can set up the ownership as an llc that way your name won't be a matter of public record and physical procedure says please move this has all the

[03:41:28] [SPEAKER_00] hallmarks of domestic homicide i'm sorry to say please move domestic violence trackers cameras gps trackers the tampered with basement locks just shows he was setting himself up for a way to get back in when he wanted to and as sad as it is and you know it shouldn't be the case i agree with those comments about you know getting out of there as soon as possible the llc about the property ownership so

[03:41:54] [SPEAKER_00] your name isn't on public record all of that stuff i absolutely agree with because let's face it the guy is still out there he's still just as unhinged he ain't going to change anytime soon and like i said it's sad because opie shouldn't have to do any of this sort of stuff and it's absolutely heartbreaking that she does and another terrifying thought is you know when he does get out he's going to be out there again somewhere he's going to inflict this on someone else if it's not op he's going to move

[03:42:21] [SPEAKER_00] on to someone else and someone else is going to get some more of the same treatment and it's absolutely terrifying i really do hope that op looks after himself continues to document gets out of that space get some therapy and leans on some support around her to get out of there as soon as possible because that is absolutely terrifying but what do you guys make of this situation what would you do in it let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here

[03:42:50] [SPEAKER_00] today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love