Husband Says I'm Abandoning Him At His Lowest By Divorcing Whilst He's Incarcerated

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from forward signature 518 from the am I the arsehole here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole here? Believing my incarcerated husband.

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00] And there are some trigger warnings on this story of threats, emotional abuse, controlling behavior and destruction of property as well. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description along the timeline below. Thank you. I, mid-twenties female, filed for a divorce from my husband, mid-twenties male, who's currently in prison for a felony. He says I'm abandoning him at his lowest point and exaggerating everything. I'm starting to question myself.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00] During our marriage, I worked and went to school while he claimed he was looking for jobs. The issue is he refused to apply for retail, fast food or anything he thought was beneath him since he was prior military before getting arrested, even though we needed help financially. His grandparents were the one helping me with money because he wouldn't step up. When we both had jobs, things were actually good. It felt like a partnership. But once he stopped working, everything fell on me.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00] He also tried multiple times to meet up with other women and even attempted to pay for sex. Yet he would barely touch me maybe once a month. His so-called brother even tried to set him up with other females. We constantly thought about this.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00] I was not being invited anywhere. I became isolated. When he went to prison, I told him I wanted to come back a month before he got out so we could sit down and decide calmly whether to stay together or divorce. He twisted my words and told everyone I was leaving him. His family then threatened that if I stepped on his grandparents' property, where we lived, I'd be arrested. For context, while I was gone, my family in that state was helping maintain the yard and house for his grandparents, making sure everything was okay.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00] Yet his family kicked me out and put my belongings on the street without giving me proper time to retrieve them. Almost everything inside that house. I paid for furniture, beds, couch, utensils. The only thing he truly cared about were his video games. They threw out my belongings, including personal items, hobbies, and even my certificates from school and work. That's what ultimately made me file. He's accusing me of being with another man because I didn't wait a full year.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00] Meanwhile, when he would call, I would work double shifts or stay late at college just to cope with how unhappy I was. If I was helping someone at work or talking to someone at school while on the phone, he would huff, get aggressive, and hang up. Now his friends and family mock my brother for going to jail, while my husband is the only one currently in prison for a felony. When I told people that I was leaving, they congratulated me. That honestly shook me. It made me realize how bad things must have looked from the outside.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00] He says I'm delusional and exaggerating, but this has been four years of feeling small, controlled, lied to, isolated, and mentally drained. Now that he's incarcerated, I feel lighter. I'm focusing on myself for the first time in years. Am I the arsehole for choosing to divorce him instead of standing by my man until he gets out? There's a couple of things that really jumped out to me, and it's obviously the first one. When she told people that she was leaving, they congratulated her.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00] But earlier on in the story, she said that family were coming around and helped maintain in the garden, and they may have just been doing that, but almost felt to me instantly like maybe they're just round there just to possibly keep an eye on things at the same time. You know, what they say in abusive situations is leaving that door open for the person so they can get themselves out of that abusive situation once they realize how bad it is. You're absolutely right to get out of there because it is abusive. Everything about it is abusive, and his family doesn't sound much better.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00] You've got a brother encouraging him to cheat. They're all defending him. Obviously, we don't know what they've been told, but if OP's side of the family is seeing abusive signs, surely his family is too, right? Maybe they just don't care. The first commenter says to OP, Not the arsehole. Standing by your man. Please. He's a violent felon that is abusive. You are 100% justified to not want to stay around to sync with him. OP says, Thank you. I really needed this reality check more than you know.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00] This really helped. Commodore says, Not the arsehole. In addition to being a felon, what you are outlining is clear abuse. Making threats of self-harm to keep you in a relationship is not healthy and very manipulative. And in my experience, if your friends are congratulating you, that's probably a sign you did the right thing. OP says, Thank you. It's been hard because he keeps trying to rewrite our history, making it seem like I'm imagining things that have happened in our relationship.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00] Seeing someone else's standpoint outside of your relationship validating the situations that I went through helps me more than you know. Seriously, thank you for taking time to respond. And of course, there were comments saying that OP needs to get to a safe place. And OP says,

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00] Commodore says,

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00] OP went on to explain why they actually made the post anyway and said, I just needed to ask if I was the arsehole. Ever since the prison gave him the divorce papers, he's called my phone crying, telling me he's having panic attacks and basically giving me backhanded compliments. Everything is my fault when he doesn't even take accountability for his actions. I've told him to stop contacting me and I deleted the prison app after his last message of making me feel like it is all my fault. I moved on with my life. Filed for a divorce on February 10th.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00] They gave it to him on February 12th. They told me the final date is March 27th. So now it's just a waiting game. I was considering not going through with it, but thanks to everyone who's telling me I'm not the arsehole. It's helping me so much. He has a way of getting into my mind and making me feel terrible. And OP adds one more comment on her husband changing after they got married and says, He was the worst after marriage. I wanted to leave so bad, especially after all he did was cheat and then cry mental health issues.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00] I feel like it was an excuse with him every time he did something wrong. I was just in fear for my life, my animals and my family and friends. He did own a bunch of weapons he was not supposed to have. So OP comes back in sometime later with their update and said, I wasn't sure how to properly update this, but I wanted to share where I'm at now. My divorce was officially granted on March 27th, 2026 at 1025 AM. I was able to change my name back to my maiden name.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00] And since then, I completely restarted my life. I already moved across the country with my pups, got my own one bedroom apartment and working full time at a hospital. Life has honestly been treating me really well lately. Aside from being a little under the weather the week of the divorce till now, I feel more at peace, more independent and like I'm finally able to move forward. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice, support and encouragement. It truly helped me process everything and gave me the push I needed to make this decision.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] When the judge granted my divorce, I felt so happy, so relieved. I couldn't stop smiling. Now it's time for this new chapter in my life and to start the process of changing my name under everything. Again, thank you Reddit. I couldn't have done it without your support. A comment I said to OP after this, great on you for getting out. With that said, change your email and phone numbers and make sure your social media profiles are as private as possible. The ex is violent, unstable and comes from money.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00] There was more than enough in your first post to tell me that it is possible that he could seek you out regardless of distance and his parents could enable him. Commenter replied saying I second this. First thing that came to mind was that you should take everything in your power to prevent him from tracking you down in the future. Hope you stay safe and protect yourself OP. A vengeful ex is a scary ex. OP says I did change everything. Thank you. Another commenter says congrats on being able to leave. I went back and read your old post. Did he commit a violent felony?

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00] Did his family try and stop you besides throwing out your belongings? Him going to jail was a blessing in disguise. Waving around a gun is crazy and he's lucky he didn't get charged for that. OP says the felony wasn't against me. I actually didn't know about the felony until after we got married and we went into detail with it. He was always saying I'm going to win this case etc. You have nothing to worry about and I believed him. OP continues saying yes our constant arguments on fights would end with him waving a gun in my face. Showing that he's masculine because he has a weapon.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00] Don't get me wrong. I loved the man when he was the sweetest but he has so much insecurities. I tried to love every one of them but even when I say leave the gun at home, we're going to a friend's house, he would bring it with him. I wouldn't find out till later. Like he constantly takes it with him wherever he goes. He's not even supposed to have it. His family has not tried to stop me. They barely reached out to me. Before he went to prison my mum, aunt who I grew up with, had passed away. A couple of months later he went to prison after his last court date.

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00] The most depressing year of my life and had no family and friends of my own. He chased all my friends away and I stopped getting invited to things because he was sort of a buzzkill and his family barely said a word to me. Only asking hows such and such have you talked to such and such. The commenter says good job. Live alone for a while, like a few years. Make friends and do hobbies. Maybe get therapy to help you increase your self-esteem and learn to identify abusers, homosexuals and shitheads.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00] Remember, it isn't necessarily that your boy picker is broken. It's there are a lot of broken boys. You can do better and alone is okay. I hope you responded saying thank you. I really have. I'm focusing on myself and pushing myself to do things I wasn't able to do while married. I'm exploring more and saving up soon to start traveling. I'm excited for this new chapter in my life. I feel like boys will be lasting on my mind for a while. He really broke me.

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_00] And I feel like I need time to think about myself and learn from the years that I've missed. Opie on a property from the house she lived in with her ex and starting from scratch. Opie says his family threw out everything I owned in the house we lived in. I have nothing. Everything he has, I paid for it. He barely went to work and when he did, he would get fired a month later. I felt like he just hated working and would not settle for anything like fast food or retail to support us. There was really nothing in the marriage.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00] Everything I have, I got it myself while he was incarcerated. Restarting from scratch with nothing but four pairs of clothes and a bag of dog food and my pups. And thank you, love. I'm in a good financial spot now. I started fresh from scratch with four pairs of clothes and a bag of dog food. It took me a year, but I'm proud of how far I've came since the separation and the divorce. And one more comment on Opie after her ex and he completes his prison time and she's in a safe place.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says when he gets out, he's not allowed to leave the state he's incarcerated in. If the police are being called, the only person who would get arrested is him for leaving the state. I live in a gated apartment complex, so unless you have the keypad for the house in the apartment complex, you're not authorized to enter. Yes, I've been on Reddit for very long, but I was also with him long enough to know he's not the brightest apple in the tree. I promise you, I'm very safe. His family that moved in had stated that they throw everything in the house, including his gun.

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00] As much as I don't like his family anymore, I applaud them for throwing out his weapon. And absolutely good on Opie for getting out of that situation, of course. And I really do hope that she does stay vigilant, which I know is a really annoying thing to have to say because she shouldn't have to be watching her back because of some crazy abusive arsehole, right? But you just never know what they're going to do, which is really sad. But I think Opie does have to stay a little bit vigilant for a time being, especially when he does get out.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00] So I can only imagine the mindset. I don't know, but I can only imagine the mindset when he's in prison. You know, his life is basically on pause while he's in there. And he's going to come out and may think things are pretty much the same. Sure, he may have got the divorce papers, but has he actually moved on in his mind? But still, I hope Opie moves on and deserves just a wonderful future. Truly, I really wish you the best. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_00] And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Queen Beef, who says, I, 29 female, am pregnant with twins. My fiancee, 26 male, wants to give them stupid names. I keep this short. I'm having twin boys. My fiancee and I agreed that I would pick their first names and he would pick the middle names. I picked two cute, normal names that I thought would go well with his last name.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00] He picked Batman and Spider-Man. The fuck? He's completely serious. He says these are the names he's always planned to give his children. And he thinks that any little boy would love to have the middle name of a superhero. My question is twofold. One, how bad would it be if our sons had stupid middle names? Would it be something they resent? And two, is this worth an argument? I definitely think he's being an idiot. But should I just get over it? And should I try to stop this?

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00] It's kind of like, yeah, some little kids. Not all, of course, might enjoy having a name like Batman or freaking Spider-Man as their middle name. Until brother gets to later on in life when he's having to fill out every official document, every school form, every job application where a full legal name is required and you're putting down freaking Batman. I mean, he'd go with Bruce, Peter, either of those.

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_00] I'm just picturing the scene in the delivery room where he stood there like holding the baby like the Lion King. Nurses going, what's their names? Holding the child up in the air. Derek, Batman, Franklin. Also, he could have at least stuck with either Marvel or DC. He went one of each. But Fred Letts says, Why are you marrying and raising children with a 12-year-old? I'm joking, but really. Is he aware that these are going to be living, breathing human beings, right?

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_00] That will grow into teens and adults with fucking ridiculous names. Or may not even like superheroes. Naming them after superheroes is actually probably the best way to ensure they all hate things superhero related. So there's a hobby slash interest they'll never enjoy sharing with dad. Can you guys maybe get a cat or dog or like a fish or something that he can name whatever he likes and go through picking the first and middle names together? Well, you both deserve to have input in naming your children. Your future children deserve to be treated like actual humans who will have an actual life.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_00] You can call the kids Spidey and Batman as nicknames if you want. You can even give the kids Bruce, Wayne, Peter, Parker as middle names. But this is something I'd definitely be putting my foot down about. Opie responded saying, Thanks, I will definitely put my foot down on this issue. Peter and Bruce is a good suggestion. I think he's just not thinking it through to be honest. Red-Lit replies saying, It can even give one child the middle name Peter and the other Parker. All the same for Bruce, Wayne.

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_00] That way, with their powers combined, they are the super twins and can still fight crime. Calm Beneath Castle says, Sure, that would be great. Until they got out of kindergarten. Then for the next 75 to 95 years, they'd be stuck with stupid names and an association they could never shake. Raising kids is not about fulfilling your dreams. It's about helping them fulfill theirs. You're raising adults. Treat them with respect and dignity. Not says, Ooh, if this helps, maybe she can quote Ant-Man at him.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00] It's not about saving our world. It's about saving theirs. Opie comes in with their update and says, The original post was locked, so I'm updating here. I was surprised how strongly people felt in the comments. I have a very unusual middle name. Non-English, and I've never used my middle name for anything. So I didn't think about it being used on resumes and such. I promise my fiance is not usually as stupid as this idea makes him sound. We talked about it and I explained my reasoning and why these names would not be cute once they're adults.

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00] We agreed to compromise on Bruce and Peter. He still likes his idea, but I think he'll be glad later that I made him change it. TLDR, we're not naming them Spider-Man and Batman. I comment to Quotes VP saying, I have a very unusual middle name, non-English, and I've never used my middle name for anything. And then says, Yeah, I think a lot of people from the original thread are completely unaware that this concept exists. Opie says, Relax. Commenter and everyone else suggesting this was going to lead to divorce.

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_00] My fiance and I are both pretty easygoing people. We aren't going to have a serious fight over middle names. If it meant that much to him, I probably would have just let him do it. A commenter called, Well Everyone Sucks says, On a date, age 32. Usual first date chatter. So, what's your middle name? Middle name is Spider-Man. Panics Overlord, Thompson, Smith. Anyone here saying middle names are never used and don't matter are silly. Cardinal says, If you don't give a kid a really good middle name,

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00] how will he know that you're super mad at him? Michael Peter Jones, you get in the house right now. Spider-Man will just take the mad right out of your voice. Someone on the back of this said, Billie Eilish's second middle name is Pirate, and it was chosen by her brother or something like that. Google says she was almost named Pirate, but her parents opted for Billie instead. I mean, you can probably get away with it being, you know, a superstar, but I'm sure they didn't know that to begin with. Bloody hell.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Do you know anyone with any sort of out there middle names? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from OKmongoose7762, and it says, Am I the arsehole for not wanting my girlfriend to have a free holiday with her ex? So, I've been dating my current girlfriend for about nine months or so.

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_00] Her ex-boyfriend that she broke up with about six months before we started dating has recently started talking to her again. I don't feel particularly comfortable about this as I believe he wants to get back with her, but they've only seen each other a few times in a group setting, so I haven't seen it as a big deal up until this point. Earlier today, she approached me saying that she needed to talk to me. She explained that her ex-boyfriend was offering a holiday with her to apologize for treating her badly in the past. He's offering to pay for the plane ticket,

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_00] hotels, everything. I talked with her and she agrees that she thinks he is trying to start something between them again, but they will stay in separate rooms and a free holiday as an extremely good offer that she doesn't want to turn down. I feel extremely mixed about this. I understand her wanting to go, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable and upset, as well as feeling disrespected. I'm even contemplating ending things as it would make things easier for the both of us. What do I do?

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_00] Absolutely no, no, no. And for me, she's a red flag herself for even contemplating entertaining this. She already knows what his intentions are. She already knows that he's trying to win her back, but she's just like, oh yeah, free hotel. Fuck OP's feelings. I'm getting a freebie here. And she must know that this guy's going to be trying it on with her while he's there. He's going to be trying other things to win her back. Maybe a meal here and there. Maybe gifts. Who knows? And like I said,

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_00] I'd be less focused on whether to, you know, even allow this, but more focused on that she's willing to even consider it because it tells you where you actually stand. Minnie Mink says, as a girl, I can confirm she wants to fuck him. Even if they slept in separate rooms, they can still end up having sex. No girl takes an offer like this from a guy she's truly over. Time to end things. You deserve better. Another commenter says, I'd be surprised if she isn't already sleeping with him. Let's be real here.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00] She wants to get back with him. That's the only reason she is continually talking to him and even contemplated the idea of going away with him. You are a straight up fool and a simp for spending any more time with her or thinking about her. Break this off and move on while you still have your balls. Particular known says, not the asshole, but I mean, I get her wanting a free trip because nothing beats free, but if she was over him, it wouldn't even cross her mind. No is the only answer. She sounds like she wants to go and she should go as a single girl.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_00] Dump her. Nine months in and she's doing this. Even if she changes her mind, the fact that she actually thought about it and wanted to go, nope. The deleted user says, not the asshole. Tell him you're paying your own way to come on the trip with her. We'll see how quickly he changes his tune. Honestly though, your girlfriend sucks for accepting it and knowing he just wants her back. Opie says she told me, I know what he thinks, but I'd make sure that kind of thing would never happen. We'd never stay in the same room, etc. This doesn't particularly reassure me though.

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_00] Someone was saying about if people are this naive in a relationship and a commenter says, as someone who was in Opie's girlfriend's shoes a few years ago and my boyfriend broke up with me shortly after, there are plenty of naive and dumb people out there and at least for me, I didn't realize how shitty I was until after. It's a learning experience and when you're young, you might not realize what you're actually doing or saying until after the fact. So Opie came back into the post four months later and said, thanks for all the advice guys.

[00:24:10] [SPEAKER_00] I ended up talking to her about it and she cut off her ex and didn't go as he was doing other creepy behavior like liking all her posts. I still feel a bit conflicted as I feel like she should have never even thought about it. She isn't speaking to her ex or anyone associated with her ex anymore as far as I know. After talking to her, she decided to block everyone associated with him. I like the fact that at the end it was liking all her posts that was the creepy behavior, not inviting an ex on holiday to try and win her back.

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_00] That's acceptable because it's a freebie. I wonder how this couple did move on from this. I mean, it was the initial accepting to go in the first place for me. I'd be just looking at that thinking, nah, I'm not sure if I trust this relationship anymore. But how about you guys? How would that make you feel? How would you be able to move forward with it? Would you accept the holiday? There was a couple of comments in there saying, you know, they may get downvoted but freebie is a freebie, right? So now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_00] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.