Girlfriend Turned My Parents AGAINST ME When I Told Her TO Shut Up About Her Weight r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from carelessdisc685 and it says, am I the arsehole here for telling my girlfriend to shut up about her weight problem?

[00:00:29] My, 32 male, girlfriend, Lana, 32 female, and I have been together for three years. Ever since we met, she has been overweight and over the course of our relationship has gained even more weight. Her weight has never bothered me though. She was beautiful when I first met her and she is still beautiful today.

[00:00:50] About six months ago, Lana went for a checkup with her doctor who expressed concern about her weight. She said that she should ideally be looking to lose around 40 pounds to get back to a healthy weight.

[00:01:01] At first I offered Lana to help with this weight loss, as I had lost about 70 pounds a number of years back before meeting her, and knew what sort of diet and exercise worked for me. She initially declined, saying she wanted to try herself, but after a month of trying she wasn't able to lose any weight, so then asked if I could help her. So I found my old fitness tracker watch so she could track exercise. I also sent her my old spreadsheet that I used to track meals so she can get an idea of her calorie intake.

[00:01:32] We started walking together each day, preparing healthy meals together, and I felt it brought us closer together. After two months of this, she had lost 15 pounds, and I was really proud of her. After this though, she started to get back into old habits. She started declining when I asked if she wanted to go for a walk. I noticed she stopped using the watch, and was no longer entering her meals into the spreadsheet in the evenings.

[00:01:57] Even though we still prepared meals together, she started snacking a lot between meals, saying that she felt hungry. I asked a few times how things were going, and she said that she didn't want to use the spreadsheet anymore, because she knew what she was doing, and it was my way of controlling what she ate. I took a bit of offense to this, as I had given her the spreadsheet on her own laptop so she could help herself, and it had been working.

[00:02:21] Also, I didn't have access to her laptop, and I never asked to see it, nor did I ever put her down for what she ate. Before long, she was back at her previous weight, then even put on an additional 10 pounds. She started to complain about it constantly, and shut down any effort I made to help her. Again, because I was trying to control her. She even commented to my friends at dinner that I was trying to stop her from eating all the things she loves, which was not true at all.

[00:02:50] After that comment, I decided to just stop trying. Every day, the complaints kept going. There was always some old item of clothing that no longer fit her. She complained about needing to buy new clothes. She'd always point at her stomach and say, Oh, look how fat I'm getting. She'd complain that she didn't feel beautiful. She'd say she couldn't walk small distances because she was out of breath because she's too fat to walk. She'd complain that she felt sick because she ate too much.

[00:03:19] She'd complain about not wanting to swim in public because she was embarrassed of her body. On and on and on she went. Yesterday, we were getting dressed to go to my parents' house for dinner. She pulled out a shirt I bought her a few months prior and said, Oh, I bet this won't fit me. Then she tried it on and said, Yeah, see, I'm too fat for this now. Look how big my stomach is getting. People will judge me. Blah, blah, blah. I just lost it and said to her,

[00:03:47] Will you shut up about your fucking stomach? I don't want to hear another word about how fat you are until you actually try to do something about it. She burst into tears. Not saying anything to me, she grabbed another shirt then ran out of the house and drove off in my car. I didn't know where she went or when she'd be back, but I didn't care. I was sick of hearing about it. Since we only have one car, I called my parents to let them know we wouldn't make it to dinner. I just stayed home and ordered a pizza.

[00:04:16] About an hour later, I got a call from my mum saying that Lana had showed up in tears and told her about what I said. My mum said I knew she was sensitive about her weight and demanded that I apologise to her. I firmly said that I wouldn't be apologising but if she wants to talk, she can come home and talk. My dad also called again saying that I was a jerk and needed to apologise. But I stood my ground. As far as I know, Lana stayed at my parents last night. She hasn't contacted me.

[00:04:45] I haven't attempted to contact her and I don't intend to until she comes back home. Even now a day later, I don't regret what I said and I don't think I was in the wrong. Though my parents taking her side is making me second guess a little. Am I the arsehole? So there were some comments with OP replying to them, bookworm says not the arsehole. When someone refuses to take action, blame others but constantly complain as your girlfriend is doing, she deserves the harsh truth.

[00:05:13] I would bet she did not tell your parents everything that has gone on. Ask them specifically what she told them. Without the background behind your statement, it would look bad to them. OP says turns out she told my parents that I said to her she was too fat and that she's really been trying hard. But I'm not doing anything to help her at all. If she is currently trying, that's news to me. And sure, I'm not helping her at the moment. But that's because when I do try, I'm controlling and she shuts me down.

[00:05:42] And even after I told my parents what I actually said, they still think I'm an arsehole. Runtime exception says lying to your parents and turning them against you is completely unacceptable. I feel like she's manipulating you like this because it gives her some semblance of control and empowerment that she can't seem to find anywhere else. As evidenced by her apparent self-sabotage for the health, you don't deserve to be a punching bag. OP says yeah, I agree. The lying just angered me further.

[00:06:10] Unless she took the, I don't want to hear another word about how fat you are as me saying you're too fat. But that's what I said at all. I think she's just put her own twist on it for sympathy. I never once called her fat and have always been supportive. Scary Breadfruit says literally the craziest part of this is how she went to your parents. I go spend the night at a girlfriend's house. That'd be such a deal breaker for me. Not the arsehole. OP says and lied about what I actually said to her.

[00:06:40] I guess she just went there because they were already expecting us. But yeah, sounds like she's trying to get sympathy points from my parents because that's more likely to weigh on me than if it was her friends. The GoHawk says, Genuine question. What do you like about your relationship in its current state? It doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon. You don't have to answer me, but you should seriously consider if this is how you want to spend your life. Good luck man. Not the arsehole. She crossed the line. Your parents are reacting to seeing her crying in person though.

[00:07:10] From their side, your girlfriend showed up in tears. So if they have empathy, it's somewhat understandable. They just don't realize they were fed a load of shit. OP says, So OP did come in with her update and says,

[00:07:35] As mentioned in my comments, Lana had lied to my parents saying that I said she was too fat and that she had been trying hard to lose weight. But that I was refusing to do anything to help her. All of that, of course, was untrue. After reading all the comments, thanks for all the advice, I decided that I wouldn't be apologizing for what I said, but I was willing to discuss the issue with her. Instead of immediately breaking up like some suggested. Even though I knew she really crossed a line by lying to my parents.

[00:08:02] I think some people were under the impression that I screamed at her. This wasn't the case. I did snap, but when I said what I did, I barely raised my voice. If I had screamed at her, I would apologize. It got to yesterday evening and Lana had still not returned home. Realizing that I actually needed my car the following morning. I got my friend Mark to drive me to my parents' house. I called Lana three times, but she didn't answer. Instead, I sent her a text saying that I wanted to talk.

[00:08:31] That I'd come by my parents' place soon. Turns out, this was a mistake. When we arrived, my car was nowhere to be seen. And my mum said that Lana had left about 10 minutes ago. I called twice again and no answer. I was in the middle of texting her that if she didn't return my car, I'd be calling the police. When I get a notification from my doorbell camera. She was back home. My car was back in the driveway. All was good. Or so I thought. Mark drove me back home.

[00:09:00] But when I tried to get back inside, Lana had put the inner latch on the door. So I was locked out. After a few minutes of calling out to her to let me in. All I heard from her was, fuck off. Now, I was done. There would be no calm conversation. We were done. Thankfully, I was able to climb over the back fence. Didn't think I'd make it in in the shape I'm in. And get in through the back door. Once inside, I told her that she hadn't till that evening to get out. At the time, she didn't even protest.

[00:09:30] She just packed a bag and a friend picked her up an hour later. This morning, she has tried calling multiple times. She's now messaging that she's sorry and wants to talk. But I'm not interested. I messaged her that I've packed all her stuff and she can get a friend to come and get it. Or I'll put it outside for her to pick up. But she won't be getting in my house again. Now, I'll be staying home until I can get the locks changed. I've got a financial agreement in place with her. So, she's got no claim on the house or any of my property.

[00:09:59] So, this should be the end of it. Again, thanks for the advice. Cyber says to the OP, Wait, she tried to lock you out of your own home? Yeah, she can go away and your parents owe you an apology. OP says, Yep, and if the back door hadn't been unlocked, I don't know how long she would have locked me out. I don't carry the key for the back door when I go out. I speak to my parents again after a few days when I've had time to properly cool off. Then, see what they have to say. Buttered Crumpet says,

[00:10:29] So, she is someone who has a problem she won't fix, but will bitch you about. She's a liar. And she took your car and tried to lock you out of your home. I feel like it should be clear to anyone that the problem isn't her weight, but the fact that she's clearly several violins and a cello short of a full orchestra. How are your parents reacting to all of this? Have they realized they backed the wrong crazy horse? OP says, Parents have just said they're sorry to hear about the breakup,

[00:10:55] but haven't made any mention of the position they took yesterday or what they had said to me. Ocean Bree says, That the first thing she did when angry at you was go to manipulate your parents against you is disturbing. She is so skilled at lying that she was able to fully convince them. Even after you talk to them of her lies is disturbing. OP, your parents chose to believe her over you. Both parents and with no proof. Nothing. Thank God you are done with her. But you need to have a major conversation with your parents.

[00:11:25] OP says, Yeah, I think she was able to manipulate them because up until now she seemed to be so reliable. It was out of character for her. But still, I'm their son and have always been reliable. So she must have put on quite the performance. The Gorophobe says, Not the arsehole. Start telling people the correct narrative now or she's going to blast you to everyone else. OP says, Yep, I should have seen this and acted sooner. I've already had some mutual friends messaging me and calling me an arsehole since we broke up.

[00:11:55] So I guess that's what I'm going to have to try and deal with next. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story, which comes from a throw away account. And it says, I'm writing this using a throw away account because I don't want it linked to my regular account.

[00:12:25] I don't even know why I'm writing this here. Everyone is going to say it's rage bait and I'll get banned. I just did the worst thing that I could possibly do. And I just want to confess to everyone, but I can't. I know for a fact that the most important relationship of my entire life will be ruined. My fiance, Alex, fake name, male 32, and I, female 28, have been together for four years. And we're supposed to get married on the 28th of December.

[00:12:51] We had our bachelor slash bachelorette parties last weekend because everyone was in town for the holiday. That's why we're having the wedding on the 28th. Everyone will be here anyway for the holiday. So coming to the wedding won't be a big thing. Alex is everything I want in a man. He's kind. He's funny and charming. He's tall and handsome. He's helpful. He's a leader. He's successful at his work with a great future. He's really thoughtful. One time we were shopping and I looked at this butterfly decoration just passing.

[00:13:21] And later on, I got it for my birthday. He remembered that I liked it and went back and bought it for me and surprised me with it. Our sex life is very satisfying to me. And I think to him as well. He's not perfect of course and we have our disagreements like any other couple. But we're great together. I feel safe and loved with him. When we first got together, the subject of our past partners came up. I didn't have a lot of past partners as all my relationships were long term. I had three boyfriends before Alex.

[00:13:50] The previous one was Jake. Fake name. Jake was gorgeous. He had a very magnetic personality and always dominated whatever room he walked into. I felt so lucky when he chose me to be his girlfriend. We had a very intense physical connection that I sort of lost myself in. In every other way, Jake was terrible. He cheated on me. He stood me up on multiple occasions. He forgot important events like my birthday and my best friend's engagement party.

[00:14:20] I finally broke up with him. He didn't seem to really care about it though, which hurt. He just ghosted me when I said enough. The reason I mention this is because I told Alex about Jake. At first, he didn't connect the dots. But when I described Jake, he asked me if it was Jake last name. I said, how do you know? And he told me that Jake had stolen his girlfriend from high school when they were all freshmen in college. It really hurt Alex as he thought he would marry this girl.

[00:14:47] Jake later dumped her and she tried to get back with Alex, but Alex rejected her, telling me that she was disgusting. Alex was quiet around me for a few days after that, but he came around thankfully. During my bachelorette party last weekend, one of my bridesmaids, Claire, fake name, invited a bunch of our old friend group to the Airbnb we were renting as a surprise. I thought they had all moved away, but they showed up and yes, you guessed it, Jake was there too.

[00:15:15] I was pretty drunk, but I can't say I didn't know what I was doing. Jake was still really good looking and he talked only to me that night. He only flirted with me and no one else. He was charming and my inhibitions were down and we eventually went to a bedroom and we had sex. The next morning I was mortified. I told Jake that it meant nothing and he needed to leave and not get in contact with me again. Jake told me that he changed and he was a serious person and serious about me.

[00:15:43] I told him to go and to please just shut up and leave. He seemed sad, but he left. I made sure to make him swear to forget about it all and he did swear. I told Claire to keep quiet about it and to not tell anyone about Jake. She was the only one who really knew about our past relationship as she was part of the friend group. She agreed and said it was no big deal and one last fling before marriage. I think she was the only one who saw us go back to the bedroom, but I can't be sure.

[00:16:11] All I know is that Jake and I were the least drunk people there and we were pretty drunk. Meanwhile, it's been eating at me all the time. I can't sleep or eat. I'm afraid my wedding dress will be too big for me because I have this fear in the pit of my stomach and I throw up when I think about Jake and what I did, which is all the time I think about it. I have to confess to someone. So I think a bunch of internet strangers is the easiest way to do it. I know I'm terrible and I know I fucked us up. I can't lose Alex.

[00:16:40] Why didn't I think of him when I was there last Saturday? Why didn't I consider Alex such a fucking idiot? He's the best thing that ever happened to me and Jake is the worst. Alex has started to notice my changed attitude. I lied to him again and told him that I think I'm coming down with the flu and that he should stay away for a few days. Meanwhile, I'm crying my eyes out in bed and Alex is being his usual great self and bringing me homemade chicken noodle soup his mum made.

[00:17:08] I can't tell him but I can't stand this. Does it go away over time? Feel free to demean me. I deserve it. It's not fake or rage bait. I honestly wish it was. I wish this was just a nightmare. Fuck my life. And before we do get into the comments, it is important to mention that there was a paragraph where OP said, Alex is everything I want in a man. But before it was edited, OP originally put Jake is everything I want in a man.

[00:17:36] And it's important to mention that because one of the comments mentions it starting with this comment saying, Seems like you really want Jake. Considering you type this name instead of Alex's when you said, Jake is everything I want in a man. Another commenter says, Seems funny that OP is sure that nobody saw them. Clearly aware enough in the moment to scope for witnesses to the deed. Clearly not that drunk and uninhibited after all. Another commenter says, If Alex is everything you want in a man, why cheat? Like, I clearly don't get it.

[00:18:05] You write about how good he is for you. But the first moment you see Jake, you sleep with him like, come on. It's obvious that you're still hung up on Jake and deep down you still want him. Please go and get some therapy and let Alex know and cut him off. He doesn't deserve this. You don't respect him at all for what he has done for you. Someone responds to that comment saying clearly this Alex is the safe option and doesn't give her the famous butterflies. Also, she said that their sex life is satisfactory, meaning mediocre.

[00:18:34] She doesn't love that guy at all. OP replied saying, I wish it were fake. It's my fucking life. I'm not trying to start a gender war. I'm just confessing here. I know he's going to find out. But I think I just have my head in the sand. I'm going to lose everything and I can't fucking stand it. I can't take it. Someone said so me, me, me. Maybe this is real. You'd think there would be something like I've heard him so badly. I know I have. You know what I mean? Try to actually act like you care about the guy.

[00:19:05] If you're a troll, this is a bad job. If you're a real person, this is a bad job. So inhumane. So OP did come in with an update around a week or so later and says Alex found out and he's done with me. I wanted to update everyone who read my original post, even though it's humiliating and painful. The truth is out. Alex knows and the consequences have been worse than I could have imagined. I have no one to blame but myself. Thursday evening, Alex didn't come home after work.

[00:19:33] I thought maybe he was staying late, but around 9pm, I got a text from him. It was a photo of me and Jake kissing at my bachelorette party. No words, just the photo. I panicked and immediately texted Claire asking if she told Alex. She replied that he deserved to know the truth. I don't think she did it to be malicious. Maybe she was just feeling guilty herself. But at that moment, I was freaking out. I started spamming Alex's phone with calls and texts begging him to talk to me. They left me on read.

[00:20:03] Then I logged onto social media and saw that Alex had posted that our wedding was cancelled because the woman I thought I was marrying turned out to be someone I didn't know. People started calling and messaging me asking what was going on. I didn't know what to say. I panicked and lied telling them we had a huge argument but that we were working it out. Meanwhile, Alex was replying to comments under his post saying things like, She knows what she did and there's nothing left to say. Friday night, Jake showed up at my apartment.

[00:20:33] He said he was sorry, claimed he didn't know Alex was my fiance and tried to explain himself. I told him it didn't matter. What we did ruined the best thing in my life and I wanted Jake gone. I told him to leave and not to come back. He tried to linger saying something about how we could figure this out. But I slammed the door on him. He makes my skin crawl. Then on Saturday morning, the hammer dropped. Alex's older brother Mark, what the hell? Two Marks and two stories. What's going on here?

[00:21:02] Showed up with two of Alex's groomsmen. They knocked, came in and started packing up Alex's things. His clothes, his personal items, even some of the furniture that belonged to him. I tried to talk to them, begging them to tell me where Alex was or how I could reach him. But they just ignored me or told me they didn't know where he was, which was probably a lie. Mark kept repeating that there was nothing to talk about. When they were done, Mark told me that Alex wanted me to keep the engagement ring.

[00:21:30] He said Alex didn't want it back because he had no use for it and selling it wouldn't make up for what had happened. He also told me Alex would be sending a check over to cover my share of the cancelled wedding costs. And that his half of the lease was paid for. I begged Mark to at least put Alex on the phone with me. And that he deserves some kind of closure by yelling at me. And I'd at least be able to apologize where he could hear my voice. He just said Alex has all the closure he needs and to stop contacting him. And just leave him alone and I've done enough.

[00:22:00] Mark used to be so kind to me, like a big brother. He was excited about the wedding, calling himself the future crazy uncle. Now he was cold and distant, talking like I was a stranger. That was when it really hit me. Alex was gone and my life was gone too. I can't afford to stay in the apartment. Alex paid the rent and utilities while I handled groceries, cooking and chores. I don't make enough as a personal trainer to cover everything on my own.

[00:22:26] And I let my certifications lapse months ago because we planned on me being a traditional stay at home wife and mother after the wedding. Which is something I really wanted. I started packing my things and will be moving back in with my parents. I haven't told them the full story yet. Just that the wedding is off. They've been supportive but I know the full conversation is coming. And it's going to be excruciating. My friends are avoiding me too. Some of them followed me on social media and Claire hasn't responded to any of my messages since she told Alex.

[00:22:54] I don't know how to begin rebuilding my life from this. I've lost everything that mattered to me because of one selfish, stupid decision. Alex was my rock, my future and the best thing that ever happened to me. And I threw it all away for nothing. I betrayed him in the worst way possible. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. He won't even talk to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't at least apologize to him in person. To Michael, real name. I know you'll never see this. I'm sorry.

[00:23:23] I know my apology means nothing but I regret what I did for the rest of my life. You deserve so much better. And I failed you in every way that mattered. I know that when I'm old and grey, even if I find someone else, you'll always be in my heart. I love you to the moon and back and I don't think I'll ever be able to love someone else the way I love you. There will always be some part of me that's always yours. Now, I have to figure out how to pick up the pieces. My life as I knew it is gone and I have no one to blame but myself. Stop messaging me.

[00:23:53] I'm not reading them anyway. I've lost everything. There's no way you can make me feel worse than I already do. I'm barely hanging on to the will to live here. Some comments on that one says, Another commenter says, Another commenter says,

[00:24:22] Another commenter says, Claire set it up but the OP fucked it up. Claire's not to blame. The commenter says, I can't feel any empathy. You consistently made bad choices and only cared about yourself in the moment while you were making them. You had no regard for anyone else or how those choices would fall back on you.

[00:24:48] They have now and you've gotten the exact treatment you deserve for doing what you did. I'm glad he found out before the wedding happened. He deserves better than to have to marry a cheater who wasn't thinking about him at all when she did what she did. I don't get quite what OP's initial end game was because it sounded like at first that they were just going to try and like not tell him at all and just let it go by because no one had seen them etc apart from Claire.

[00:25:15] But Claire knew the other guy liked OP so there was a potential of him saying something at some point in the future anyway. It just sounded like it was always a disaster waiting to happen. But of course he did deserve to know about it before you got married obviously. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Pfft messy. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:25:40] And just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.