Brothers Fiancee Isn't Allowing Me To Their Wedding As She Can't Control Me r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from ordinary bookkeeper8115 and says, am I the arsehole here for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my brother's wedding?

[00:00:29] I, 31 female, have three siblings. 40 male, 38 female, 27 male. And we have a good relationship despite the age gaps between some of us. My older siblings are both married and so am I. The wedding in question is my younger brother's. My younger brother Luke is engaged to his girlfriend of a year, Emma, 28 female. She is nice I guess but we have never really clicked and are just polite to each other. Something important is that we are all Catholic.

[00:00:58] But not really hardcore ones and some of us are even lapsed. I do believe this whole situation started just when I met her for the first time. I look younger than Luke and it's always been a sibling joke that I'm truly the baby of the family. Most people that meet us assume he is older than me. But nobody has had issues with it until Emma. The day I met her she kind of scoffed when I said I was happy the baby had a proper girlfriend.

[00:01:23] She has this weird thing about being the eldest in her family and refused to believe I was older than her until I showed her my ID. She has been hot and cold with me since then. Often infantilizing me or trying to have a sort of boss attitude. I just let her be and usually ignore her since I have no time to try and beg for her friendship. So I'm just polite and civil. Always included when planning stuff but don't really make an effort. The family knows about it and we just shrugged it to different perspectives.

[00:01:53] personalities. Then the wedding planning started. Emma decided I could not be in the wedding party since I was not married in a church. Fine by me. Then she requested that immediate family submits their dress planning so she could check it fits the wedding dress code. Fine. Whatever.

[00:02:11] You see where this is going I hope. You'll see I have not gone to confession or have communion in more than a decade. If I go to mass for whatever reason I'm respectful and simply sit or stay standing during the rites I don't participate on. Well this is not good enough for her and she says I need to take communion during her wedding. I said no and she has not taken it well. For the most part I avoid her as I said before but this time I wasn't going to say yes or risk an issue.

[00:02:39] I told her for taking communion one needs to go to confession and I didn't want to. She said all immediate family is doing it and I will look bad if I don't. I told her sure fine and I'll just go have communion in front of everybody but won't do confession. She said if this was going to be my attitude I was uninvited from the wedding because I clearly wanted to ruin the day for her. I turned to my brother and told him thanks. Gave him a thumbs up and went home.

[00:03:08] My family understand my reasoning and said they respect everybody's choices but I shouldn't have said what I said. I told him I really don't want to go to the wedding anymore and I don't owe Emma explanations on my life. I only called my grandma because she heard what happened and asked me not to disrespect the church by doing the communion without confession. I promised I wouldn't do it and she is fine with me now. I got a text from my brother wanting to compromise so I replied asking if the other people lapsed people are being made to take confession too.

[00:03:37] He said no because it was only nuclear family members. I find it funny since all others are clearly older than her and she just behaves like this with me and the youngsters. Am I the arsehole here? Lucky Effective says not the arsehole who died and made Emma the Pope. Opie says lol I will share this particular one with my grandma next time we talk. She is gonna love it. Beautiful Report says you should alert the priest to her behavior.

[00:04:05] He will ensure that she stops with her actions. She cannot make rules that do not exist in the church. I would send a quick email to him and let her deal with the consequences of her own actions. Opie says I actually considered it but I don't think I will since my grandma might be doing it herself. She has lapsed herself but didn't want me to be disrespectful. But she knows the priest that will be officiating and is not really happy with all the shit show. Be charming says not the arsehole for refusing to go to confession just to take communion at your brother's wedding.

[00:04:34] It's your personal choice regarding faith and it's unreasonable for Emma to impose her expectations on you. Especially when you have different beliefs and practices. Opie says I honestly believe it's more her trying to have authority over me than her religious views. My oldest brother finds it ridiculous but said he would not intervene unless I ask him to. Which I appreciate because despite Luke acting like a dipshit I don't want more drama. And Opie's comment there is how it felt to me. It felt like some sort of power play. Some sort of control.

[00:05:03] Especially when Opie was talking about the oldest. She got some weird thing about being the oldest. Which again seems like a control thing. I'm older therefore I can command you to do whatever I want kind of thing. But for me I just don't know if it's a part of getting older or what. I don't know if it's just as I'm getting older but I've got this very like I can't be dealing with this shit. You know you crack on do what you want. If you want me there come talk to me. But otherwise yeah just consider me outright. The demands are absolutely ridiculous.

[00:05:30] But Mary says she just sounds like she's being a bridezilla. And it's mixing in with religion which has created a double whammy effect. Anytime religion becomes part of the equation you can be certain things are going to be messy. Complicated. And there will be no compromises. I don't think you are being the arsehole necessarily. But I know personally I'd feel hurt if my sibling allowed their spouse to step all over me like that. So Opie came in with her first update and said things have moved. But I wouldn't call any of this a positive progress.

[00:05:59] I would like to clear something I kept seeing in the comments. I won't request a special blessing or go in the queue for communion. It isn't about the blessing or the compromise but the singling me out. Often just stay quiet or take a general family blessing if we go to weddings etc. I have no issue with compromises. I have an issue with Emma and her ridiculousness. I don't know why she has this thing with me. I do look young but not like a teen or a child obviously.

[00:06:25] She has two younger sisters and is very authoritative with them. I have witnesses her being very my way or the highway with younger people so she has issues for sure. The confrontation from the last post was on Tuesday and today we had lunch at my grandma's. I think you should also know that my brothers have a tricky relationship. As in they're not as close with each other as they are with other siblings. My brother Robert is a very no-nonsense and he has never been a fan of Emma.

[00:06:53] But he didn't think he should have to intervene because Luke is an adult and capable of navigating relationships. All this is going to be relevant I promise. We visit grandma a lot since she lives by herself and we truly enjoy her company. Today we are all there because she is over this drama already. After a lunch that was more like snacking to be honest. She asked us all to clear the air. Emma continued with her rant about me being a disrespectful person and that she was asking the bare minimum from me.

[00:07:23] My grandma asked why she had no issue with her not taking communion. And Emma said that she was her elder and for sure her reasons were more than a tantrum like it was in my case. She also repeated that she was asking this of all the siblings and that was the only one that was being difficult with her tiny request. This is where everything crumbled for her. I mentioned in the comments that Robert is also lapsed and he was already exhausted by this situation.

[00:07:50] He asked her why she had no issues with him not taking communion and she looked like a kid that was caught. She didn't have a proper answer. Robert then asked her if she knew why he and grandma became lapsed. She shook her head and looked at Luke for help. Luke on the other hand was staring angrily at Robert and I said nothing. Robert explained to Emma that he was the reason grandma became lapsed.

[00:08:12] When Robert was a teen he came out as gay and was worried about our grandparents reaction since they were very active in the catholic church. Grandma felt awful about it and even worse when she went and spoke about this with the then priest of her church. That priest was super old school and told her that Robert was committing sins. He was going to hell. He needed to find his way. The whole nine yards. Grandma didn't take that so well and simply stopped going to church and started spending that time with her grandchildren.

[00:08:41] Over the years she started getting into the whole community again but she decided she was done taking sacraments. She respected parts of the church but can't fully reconcile with it. Emma was a bit confused since Robert is married to a woman. He explained he is bisexual and ended up with a woman just as he could have ended with a man. He also commented that they are not married in the church but that didn't matter to her. Like it mattered when it came to me. He asked her directly what was her problem with me.

[00:09:10] Long story short she said I was rude since the beginning and kept treating Luke wrong. Oh and I was also very snarky about looking younger than her. Crickets. She is a beautiful successful woman so I still didn't understand her obsession but it seems like she wants people to see I respect her and what she says. I just started laughing. She started crying and saying I turned my grandma against her.

[00:09:34] My grandma told her to stop blaming people for her being a negative person and she was always going to side with me over her. Luke got upset at that and asked why she was not supporting him. And she simply said she doesn't support him being a lap dog for a crazy woman. More was said nothing got truly resolved. I was kind of invited again but declined going. Grandma is undecided if she wants to go at all.

[00:09:59] My older siblings told Luke they will go to the ceremony if he seeks couples therapy or at least therapy. My parents are having headaches and now dislike Emma so much they can't hide it. Oh and yes grandma spoke with a priest and he wants them to do an extra premarital counseling or he won't officiate. I hope they don't get married but he is old enough to derail his life if he wants. I thank you for letting me vent. My grandma loved the Pope joke. That grandma ain't taking no shit. Holy moly nor is the brother.

[00:10:28] But Opie comes in with another update and says my brother has gone too far and I decided to be done with him. He made our grandma cry and I think permanently damaged a lot of his relationships. I want to mention some of my cousins and other family members thought I was just being stubborn and created drama. But now there is no longer my side or Emma's side. Maybe he always felt this way but the issue he had with Robert is absolutely ridiculous. He was so upset with what grandma said about him being Emma's lap dog that he called her to speak about it.

[00:10:58] I was obviously not present for the conversation but grandma told me what happened and Luke confirmed it. He told her that it was unfair of me to ask Robert for help since he was her favorite grandchild and would get her to side with me no matter how wrong I was. He also told her that many of the cousins believed this and that it was so obvious since she even left a religion for him. He claimed the other LGBTQ plus members of the family, most were not even born when Robert came out by the way, doubted if she would do it for them.

[00:11:28] So grandma explained to Luke and then called every single one of her grandchildren to ask him how they felt and explained to each a part we didn't know. She said that when Robert came out and she spoke with the old priest, he hinted about knowing of places to set Robert straight. Grandma had heard horror stories from this place and so had Robert and they both spoke with my parents together about that not being an option at all. My parents never intended to send Robert there and are very casual Catholics but grandma wanted to cover the bases just in case.

[00:11:59] I was told grandma sounded like she had been crying on the phone and after the first couple of calls, which went from the oldest to youngest, the group chat started to blow. So, Robert is livid. Our LGBTQ plus cousins are livid and say Luke lied. Even the cousins that were telling me to stop being a stubborn head are livid. By the time I was up for my call, I was already on the way to my grandma's.

[00:12:22] Two of my cousins were already there and the youngest one, Sarah, 16 female, was ready to literally fight Luke. For a bit of levity, Sarah is about 35 centimeters smaller than Luke and the image of her swinging at him made me laugh a bit. She asked if I was making fun of her and I just explained the whole mental image of her trying to hit him and she admitted it was kind of funny. What I didn't tell her is I would love to slap some sense into Luke. My grandma has been through so much in her life and this is not what we want for her.

[00:12:52] She looks puffy-faced and kept asking everybody if they truly felt unloved by her. Saying she would do everything for any of us. Explaining how Robert was the oldest grandchild but that didn't mean she loved the rest of us any less. She is a strong woman but I think something inside her broke a little with the thought she hurt her grandchildren. It was a shit show, a big one and I was just so done with Luke. My parents have been passive towards the situation so far because I asked them to.

[00:13:21] But after they heard what happened, they told him they need time away from him. Robert is simply disgusted and decided not to speak with him anymore. Which he communicated through the cousin group chat with Luke's response being that this is why Emma's help on reigning all us would be so beneficial if we just let her. He also added how Robert never cared for him or anybody really and he just tried to be the center of attention all the time. He cited his coming out. His announcement he was going to marry a woman. The birth of his child.

[00:13:50] It was ridiculous. He came out when Luke was a toddler. And for many years only our parents and grandparents knew. He announced he was going to marry his now wife through a text but didn't interfere or take from anybody. His child was born four months before Luke's graduation and apparently that was a big issue for Luke that he never commented. Maybe I am biased. Maybe I am selfish like Emma claims. But I call bullshit on his tantrum.

[00:14:15] Every single one of the cousins has been helped, babysat, tutored, gotten out of trouble, you name it by Robert. He isn't perfect but he isn't the conniving ass Luke is claiming. Maybe Luke has always felt inadequate and we didn't notice. Maybe it was his last ditch effort. Maybe Emma has manipulated him so far that he can't come back. It doesn't matter anymore. If he does marry Emma I wish him the best. If he doesn't I hope he goes to therapy.

[00:14:43] Regardless of what he decides he's burned so many bridges and hurt so many people. I don't see this resolving anytime soon. For now I will focus on my grandma and making her feel better. I feel extremely guilty because it was Emma's situation with me that opened this can of worms. I know I shouldn't but it's hard not to. And it just all felt still down that whole control path for me anyway. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:11] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from Hunter Yumi who says Am I the Arsehole for telling my roommate his girlfriend can't stay over every weekend after she ate all my food again. So, I own my apartment and rent out the second room to a buddy of mine. Everything was cool at first but lately his girlfriend has been staying over every weekend.

[00:15:41] I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that every time she's here she helps herself to my stuff. Mainly my food. I meal prep for the week and I buy my own groceries. It's not like I don't share sometimes but I've noticed that after every weekend she's here a bunch of my food is gone. Snacks, leftovers, even stuff like my eggs and bread. Just gone. I've tried hinting at it like casually mentioning how much food I go through but it keeps happening.

[00:16:10] Last weekend I had a really long week at work so I treated myself to some nice takeout and planned to save half of it for lunch the next day. The next morning I opened the fridge and it's gone. I text my roommate and he said, oh, my girlfriend was very hungry so she ate it. Sorry man. That was the last straw. I told him we needed to talk and said that while I'm okay with her visiting sometimes, she can't keep staying over every weekend and eating my food.

[00:16:38] I told him it's not fair especially since she's not contributing to groceries or utilities. He got defensive saying that since he pays rent she should be able to stay over whenever and I'm making a big deal out of just a few snacks. I stood my ground and told him she needs to stop coming over so often unless they start buying their own food and being more considerate. Now he's pissed at me. I'm getting the cold shoulder.

[00:17:03] Am I the arsehole for putting my foot down after his girlfriend kept eating all my food? Absolutely not the arsehole. When you said that you ordered takeout and you saved half of the next day and came down, that disappointment in opening that fridge and seeing that half your takeout has just disappeared, it's just pissing me off big time. And at this point, you know, he's pretty much just ruining something for himself. I think, you know, if she wasn't taking your food,

[00:17:31] it was cool with her coming over which in my opinion is way too much anyway. Every weekend, like you said, she's not paying utilities. She's in your space all the time as well. You seemed cool with that until she started taking your food. And this guy is about to shoot himself in the foot with this. Instead of coming up to you and saying, I'm really sorry, man. Here's some cash to replace the food that she took and it won't happen again. That's solved. Simple. You can carry on with your life and, you know, have your girlfriend over.

[00:18:00] But he's getting to the point where he's going to ruin everything for himself. So this is consequences of his own actions. What a bloody burk. But no, this would piss me off as well. Callie the blaze says not the arsehole. But dude, don't hint. Hinting often fails and everyone ends up irritated because you hold it in until you snap. And the other person may not understand you have a problem until you're well and truly mad at them. So they feel like you went from zero to 60 in a heartbeat.

[00:18:26] Clear, assertive communication is a far better way to go about things. Especially with a roommate. J.M. King says also this might not even be the girlfriend's fault. The roommate knew those leftovers were OPs. But he just sat there and watched her eat them and said nothing. This isn't the first time either. The roommate has been watching his girlfriend eating OPs food all this time and never said squat. At best, that makes him complicit.

[00:18:51] At worst, the roommate might have outright told her to help herself and she had no idea she's doing anything wrong. She might even be making food for the both of them. Making roommate the responsible party. I mean, that's a good point as well. Because going in, like, when you're in someone else's house, going into their fridge and taking like a half-eaten takeaway tub out of the fridge seems a bit weird without permission. So either like she's super entitled or she's got permission from her boyfriend to do so.

[00:19:21] But what do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? You know, it's not high-level drama, of course, but I always find it interesting to be a fly on the wall, right? Anyway, what do you guys make of this? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.