Boyfriend Says Me Cooking Proves "I'm Not A Gold-Digger"

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? You can like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from LionHelpful1346 and it says, Boyfriend35male says, My cooking proves I'm 29 female, not a gold digger. I've been with my boyfriend for four months. He's a lawyer and has a very stressful job. To give a backstory, things were amazing in the beginning.

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_00] He took me to fancy restaurants, cooked dinners by candlelight and I could tell he was very nervous about making a good impression. He would kiss me from head to toe and tell me that I'm perfect, his princess, etc, etc. It was honestly a bit much. Over time, he became more short-tempered and needed my attention a lot more. I slowly began cooking while he was too busy working to help. Then he could only have sex for 45 minutes before going back to work.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00] One night I joked that he could only have sex if he worked for it and he became greatly upset and told me had crossed a major boundary. Things started to get a little weird. He told me he doesn't usually date women who work in marketing. I work in marketing, but it seemed he made an exception for me. And sometimes he would power call me if I didn't answer right away, four to five times in a row. He started becoming a bit jealous.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] Example, I mentioned Zach Galifianakis is funny and my boyfriend's face turned completely dark. I had a friend paint me nude and my boyfriend said, I don't know how I feel about someone seeing my woman naked. I mentioned an ex-boyfriend and he wanted to know what school he went to and he became super defensive and aggravated.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00] Sometimes at night I turned my phone on to airplane mode and my boyfriend explained it makes him feel disconnected and unsafe and could I please check in and check out before doing so. From my understanding, I thought we were dating. Until one day he talked about partnerships and his needs, etc, etc. Finally, he stated he is paranoid about gold diggers. He said he has a high income job. He doesn't want women who will only request fancy restaurants.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00] He says it's good that I cook for him because it proves that I'm not a gold digger and that I'm not like those other women. The thing is, I don't want to always cook, but now I feel kind of guilted about it. He's become a bit weird about communication and he will literally say, Okay, I expect to hear from you by 6pm. He said he needs our partnership to be organized and predictable. He needs to know I will respond in a certain time frame and if I can't do that, it won't work.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00] I just found these exchanges really bizarre. So the way it reads to me in this and there's a whole bunch of red flags. It almost started, sounded like love bombing at start and then he started slipping into the controlling stuff and that started to escalate. And that's four months in and he's already like demanding check-ins like she's on parole or something. Getting territorial about her body, the whole nude painting thing. Jealous of a comedian that she finds funny.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00] And then requiring organized and predictable responses with deadlines attached to them. And then came the manipulation part where you had all this love bombing. You had all this, you know, treating you like a princess. All this kind of stuff at the very start. And then it all switched around. Not for you to not expect that treatment as some kind of proof that you're not like other women. So now you're cooking for him constantly while he works and you're feeling guilty about wanting anything else.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00] He created this scenario where you went from this perfect princess to the point where you need permission to put your phone on airplane mode. And this all happened within four months. That's scary. Disastra says, yep, four months is about how long it takes for the mask to slip. Congrats, you've met the real him. It only gets worse from here. Opie says, honestly, I'm getting major power hungry and obsessive vibes from him.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00] Disastrous Airlines says, he will try to escalate things to see how far he can push your boundaries. It's called a shit test. Tell him no to anything and watch his reaction. Controlling men think boundaries are an assault on them. He will reiterate against any attempt to assert your needs and set healthy boundaries. Opie says, I took about 48 hours to myself saying I wasn't feeling well and needed a bit of space. He said, take all the time you need.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00] But then when he did talk, he said how unsafe and angry he felt. And hopefully in time I can win his trust again. Lol, my God. Concussions replies saying, oh geez. Well, have you repented now? Or are you doing MSD'd from your incorrect thoughts still? He's waiting. Lol, I'm sorry you're in this position. He seems hella heavy to be around. Opie says, I repented many times. Hopefully the Lord will forgive me.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_00] Over a month later, Opie came back in and says, holy shitballs, mother of pearl. What the fuck was that relationship? We broke up shortly after I posted in that forum. By the end, things had become so bad that even I, insecure and needy, didn't have the patience anymore. He needed me to comply with all his rules. Listen to his work problems. Talk him through his anxiety attacks. Cater to him sexually. It was too much.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00] When we broke up, he told me how devastated he was and how important I was to him. He was manipulating me by saying, we can only be friends. And that we should meet just to test the waters. It was the most confusing time of my life. He started to create weird communication rules after the breakup by saying, I need space. I cannot talk now. Contact me in two weeks because he needed to heal. But then he would call me and tell me about his work problems. How we got a raise, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00] Then he would flip to the other side and angrily tell me, I never want to be in a relationship with you again. I want to see other people. We're over forever. You know what happened? I woke up. I realized that this man has serious issues that have absolutely nothing to do with me. I can honestly say it was like being sucked into a fucking vortex and we only dated seriously for seven weeks. Exhausting. But all your comments truly, truly helped me.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00] You will have no idea how many times I read them. Pretty much every day. So thank you. Thank you. I'm moving on and feeling strong. Commenter says to OP, good for you for waking up. Next time he calls, answer and tell him under no circumstances is he to contact you for any reason. Then block him everywhere. OP says, I doubt I will hear from him again. He's done with me forever and nothing will change that. Gee whiz.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00] Absolutely good on OP for being out of that situation. That is absolutely wild ass behavior. I don't think he will just give up though that easily. Hopefully he did. I just think people like that will still try their luck further down the line. We'll still try to call to talk about his day, etc, etc. It sounds like he's going back and forth a lot right now. But also at the same time, even if he does leave OP alone. And you know, I know there's a lot of wild ass people out there.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] But he's still out there. He's 35 years old. And that behavior ain't going to change anytime soon. He'll move on to someone else and this pattern will likely repeat. I always find that concerning. I know I shouldn't because, you know, nothing I can do. But it's always in my head like bloody hell. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] Now our next story comes from Amoeba United 4634 and says, Am I the asshole for refusing to not allow my stepson to come on what was supposed to be a family trip? I, 48 male, have been married to my wife for 13 years. I have a son, 18, and she has a son just turned 19. When they were younger, the boys were extremely close, but they slowly drifted apart as they got older.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00] A big part of that, I think, was the financial disparity between what I could provide and what my stepson's biological father, who is very wealthy, could give him. My stepson had the kind of childhood where he got to go on frequent mini vacations, take part in expensive activities, have nicer things, all of that. My son did not have those opportunities. I shared custody with his mom until she passed away six years ago. And between the two of us, we did our best to give him good memories,

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_00] even if we could not match what my stepson's side could afford. As the boys grew older, my son became more aware of this difference. I've always tried to reassure him that it was not his stepbrother's fault, and that different families just have different levels of resources. But it never fully eased their feeling. Their relationship did not turn hostile or anything. They still talk, but they are not close anymore. During the summer, between my son's sophomore and junior years, I finally got a long overdue pay increase.

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_00] I decided I wanted to do something special. I started saving over two years for a real vacation, something my son had never had the chance to experience. Over that time, I managed to save more than $15,000. Originally, the trip was planned as a family trip with both boys. I booked a week-long lodge trip for a winter break from December 13th to December 20th. Both boys are in college now. My stepson finishes finals on the 8th, my son on the 11th.

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_00] So the timing worked out perfectly. My wife had already told her son about the trip before I could tell mine, so he knew he was included. I booked everything in mid-November and planned to tell my son once everything was finalized. When I finally told my son, he lit up. He could not stop smiling. This would be his first real vacation. First time traveling far from our state. He just kept thanking me. I felt so proud that I could finally give him something like this.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00] But then I mentioned that my stepson would also be coming, and his face fell immediately. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he assumed the trip was going to be just me, him, and his stepmom, or just me and him. He did not think his stepbrother would come. He said he feels like every time he finally gets something special, it ends up not being just his moment. Because his stepbrother has always had so many opportunities, and this was the one thing he thought would be just for us.

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_00] To be fair, most of the smaller outings over the years were just me and him. My stepson came sometimes, not always, but I understood what he meant. This is something he has never had before, and he wanted to experience it without feeling overshadowed. I told him I did not feel right excluding my stepson. It is a family trip, and he is my wife's son. On top of that, everything was already booked. Canceling or changing would mean losing a good amount of money.

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_00] My son eventually forced a smile and said he was fine. A few days later, he texted me saying he did not want to go at all. He thanked me for planning it, but said he would rather stay home. I called him immediately. He insisted it was not about his stepbrother, but the more we talked, the clearer it became. He feels like he would not be happy if his stepbrother comes and does not want to bring the mood down for everyone. After receiving that text, I asked my wife how she would feel if it became just a father-son trip.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_00] She was very upset at first. She said it would be wrong to set a precedent and make it normal to exclude family members from trips. I explained that the trip was significantly cheaper than we initially thought it would be, so the leftover money could be used for a family trip later. So everyone could still enjoy something special. I told her I also felt bad because my son literally never asks for anything and I didn't want to disappoint him because I really planned this trip with him in mind. She said she'd be okay with the plan,

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00] though she seemed uneasy, especially since her son had already been told about the original trip and is now upset when told he couldn't come. A commenter says to OP, you're the arsehole. The trip was already planned as a family trip and stepson was invited. Your son wants to throw a tantrum about it and you just let him. He had plenty of one-on-one time with just you, per your post, and he still wants to be difficult. OP says he had one-on-one time with me, but it was always small things like movies or dinner.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00] He never had anything close to an actual trip. That is why this felt different to him and why he wanted it to be just us. OK Conversation says info, did stepson's bio dad ever offer to include your son on trips? Because this is seeming a bit one-sided to me, with everyone saying you were wrong to exclude the stepson, yet there's no mention of stepson's dad including your kid. OP said no, my son was never invited on trips. Bushy Shrew says,

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00] I know you'll get impounded with you're the arsehole, but I feel quite a bit of sympathy for you, OP. I think your intentions were good, so not the arsehole there. But, how often does your son really ask you for something? Is this the first time he has done something like this? I think that is a very important consideration. He's been going along with all of it, but feeling more and more bad until he finally couldn't contain it anymore. I just kind of shake my head at all the holier-than-thou judgments about how your son is an arsehole.

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00] He told you how he really feels and simply asked that this vacation be the two of you together alone. Did he have a tantrum and explode? Did he cuss and yell? Or did he just ask and then quietly withdraw? Listen, I think, and like so many of the others, that you're actually on a bit of a knife's edge OP. Sometimes with our kids, they don't express themselves well. They're still young. Communication can be very rough. It can swing wildly between no talk to too much emotion all at once.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00] And we older adults need to give them grace. If your son has been holding back a lot of these feelings of resentment and wanting to do something special and be celebrated just by you for once, then I think you have to pay careful attention to all the factors. Because this could become one of those deep grievances that your kid just can't or won't get over. And that would be sad. Sometimes our children really, really want to know that we prioritize them and value them. And we have to show it and prove it.

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_00] We have to remember just how insecure our children are and how much they need us. So I don't have judgment for anyone in this case. I do think it was bungled and you would have done better to talk to your son earlier. I mean, the stepbrother got to know before he did even. I really hope you can salvage this and it doesn't sow a seed of bitterness that leads to buried grievance and estrangement. Gods, gods forbid. Please update me. OP says yes. He hardly asks for anything. For birthdays, Christmas or other special occasions,

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00] he would never ask for anything and would always say it didn't matter or that he didn't mind. He was never ungrateful. That's why part of why I really wanted to give him this trip. I always felt bad I couldn't give him the things his stepbrother had. He just got quiet and resigned when he told me that. He didn't yell or anything. And Bushy replies one more time saying, yeah, I'm going to stand by my previous comment. When you have a child who is quiet like yours, mine is too. You have to be more vigilant as a parent

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_00] to really take the time to assess their feelings and how deep they run. My husband is like this too. Very quiet. So by the time he actually says something, you know it's fucking important. It's like a glacier. On the top, only the top 10% is showing. Honestly, I would tell your wife and stepson that this is big. This is serious. And sorry, you need to really take care of your son and focus on him and show him that his feelings and wants are important to you. You just have a weird feeling that if you don't,

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_00] you will really come to regret this much later when it's too late. Sorry for the doom and gloom, but my mum radar just went off with your post. Another edit to say, the fact that your son got very quiet and resigned. He's this close to giving up. It's not when they are screaming and yelling that you should get scared. It's when they withdraw and pull away. Then you're almost too late and you have to act. Another two cents from a supportive parent. And I think for me in this one, I think Bushy Shrew

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_00] absolutely nailed that with that comment. I think the kid is emotionally checking out of his family. Like Bushy said, you know, the four smile then complete withdrawal. He, it sounds like he's checking out and that's the time to be really worried. Opie did come in with an update and said, after reading the comments, I talked to my son more about it. He still didn't want to go on the trip. We tried to work it out, but he was firm. Wife, my stepson and I went without him.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, deary me. I thought maybe I could use the extra money to do something just for him later or keep saving for the summer. I had a good time on the trip, but I really missed having him there. I kept in touch while we were away and knew he was staying with my parents. When we got back, he still wasn't home. I called to ask when he'd be coming back and he said he'd stay with his grandparents until school started. We spent Christmas Eve with my wife's family and then traveled to my parents' place on Christmas Day where he was.

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_00] He mostly stayed in the guest room. I tried talking to him. He talked back, but minimally. He told me he was fine. I tried to give him money for Christmas. He thanked me, but told me he didn't want it. I sent him a text the next day after Christmas because I was hurt and didn't want him thinking I was trying to upset him. I even offered another vacation just for him and me, but he declined. He told me that growing up, he sometimes resented and felt jealous of his stepbrother. When I framed the trip

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00] as something special for him, he realized it wasn't really just for him at all. Watching his stepbrother's dad always give him experiences and things, he just wanted one of those moments for himself. Something that was completely his, just me and him without having to share. He said he just wanted us to experience something first, something that was his because growing up had been rough. His stepbrother went on trips often, got birthday celebrations, Christmas trips and other outings

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00] and no one cared about how he felt. He said it hurt a lot to grow up watching all of that happen while he didn't get the same opportunities. He talked about how even on his birthdays or when his grandparents would take him out to a water park, his stepbrother always had to come along. He never understood why he was always forced to share experiences while his stepbrother got to do things without him. He wanted something he could call his own, a moment just for him. When I told him about the trip, a lot of the happiness he felt at first

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00] was from thinking it could finally be something for him alone. But then he realized this stepbrother was going to be there and that took it away. He admitted he was angry when he left to stay with my parents, but my mum told him to use that anger as motivation for school. Now he's planning to focus on school so he can take himself on nice trips in the future and that will mean more to him. He said he's okay with not doing anything with me right now and that he's looking forward to the future, hoping he can afford things he wants. He said he didn't want

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_00] to feel like he's my second choice. I don't know, I feel hurt and guilty. I worry I might have messed up my relationship with him and I don't know how to fix it. All I can say on the end of that, I said it off the mic to myself and I'll say it here as well. And he's checked out. You know, he's not angry anymore. He's done. And that's worse. That he's moved on from the please see me to I'll just do it myself from now on. And the killer line

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_00] quoting OP, he said he didn't want to feel like he's my second choice. Ouch. And it already sounded like he's planned his kind of exit if you like. Focus on school, take himself on trips and afford things for himself. Do things for himself. And he was asking at the very end how he can fix things in this situation and I was scratching my head thinking of a way of doing so. All you can do is try to be there, right? But is that ever

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_00] going to be enough anymore? What do you guys make of this situation? How would you have dealt with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story is one of the top ones from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit no update is yet from HeavyBackground856 and says Am I the Arsehole for not being excited for my sister-in-law's pregnancy announcement. Last week, my family had

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_00] a joint birthday celebration for me, 33 female and my brother-in-law, 25 male. This is typical for all family birthdays. It was hosted at my house where my in-laws had been living with my husband and me for the past two and a half years while they looked for a home. Five minutes after everyone arrived, my mother-in-law said, okay, let's eat. So I went into the kitchen to make my plate. At the same time, my sister stepped into the laundry room to sign a birthday card. While I was still in the kitchen,

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00] I heard my sister-in-law say, mom and dad need to open this together. I didn't know what she was referring to, so I stayed in the kitchen. Then I heard my mother-in-law say, oh my god, is this real? My sister came back and asked what was going on. I said I thought my sister-in-law had just announced she's pregnant. Because we weren't in the room when it happened, my sister and I stayed in the kitchen for a moment. My mother-in-law then came into the kitchen and showed me the box. I said something along the lines of, yeah, I heard. I then went into

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00] the living room and asked my brother-in-law a few polite questions about their plans. Sister-in-law was in the kitchen getting lunch and the celebration continued. About an hour and a half later, my sister-in-law suddenly started crying and said she wanted to leave. I overheard my mother-in-law say, that's just how some people are. After they left, my mother-in-law came back in and asked what had happened. She told me my sister-in-law was upset because she felt no one seemed excited about the pregnancy. I explained that I wasn't in the room when it was announced,

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_00] that the announcement was framed as a gift for my mother-in-law and father-in-law and that this was supposed to be a birthday celebration. I mentioned that announcing a pregnancy at someone else's birthday was common etiquette to not do. Mother-in-law said it was also brother-in-law's birthday celebration so it was fine. Mother-in-law said there wasn't anything selfish about it and I should have been more excited. Brother-in-law, 21 male, agreed with her and asked what else they were supposed to do. I said they could have chosen any other day to announce.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_00] Christmas Eve was three days away. Mother-in-law responded that my sister-in-law couldn't wait because there was deli meat being served at the party. Sister-in-law ended up eating some anyway after heating it up. Since then, we haven't spoken and my in-laws decided to spend Christmas at my sister-in-law's house instead. Everyone I have told about the situation has agreed with me. However, I need some outside opinions due to these reactions from them. Am I the yasol? Edited to add, it's hardly about being overshadowed

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_00] at a family birthday party although that is a valid reason. The reaction came from sister-in-law making rude comments to mother-in-law saying, you're unemployed so you're going to do my nursery, right? This is a typical comment from her. Other common comments are usually about mother-in-law's weight and appearance. Makes it hard to be happy for someone who consistently acts like this and everyone condones this behavior doesn't chastise her for it. Suspicious Codd says everyone sucks here quoting the I heard and then says it's a kind of shitty response.

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_00] Her getting upset because everyone didn't react to how she wanted them to is childish. Your in-laws in your house for two and a half years and your husband not telling them enough is enough. Yeah, everyone sucks here. And I'll tell you at this point this post was voted as an everyone sucks here as an overall response. Some people are not the arsehole some people you're the arsehole as usual but overall it was everyone sucks here. Some people comment on the edit making like a sharp left turn like OP was trying to get them to agree with him

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_00] like saying you know the sister-in-law is basically a shitty person or whatever. So OP responded to that saying plenty of people agree with me on the initial post. I made the edit because the arsehole voting people were focused on me being whiny about it being my birthday when it was far more than that. I posted this before the holidays and it never got posted. I went to post again as it's still an issue and the limit of 3,000 was reached so I just cut a big chunk of the story out not thinking it mattered or would get this much feedback. After seeing the responses

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_00] I wanted to add additional clarification which I see people do all the time. There is far more to the story but I was trying to follow the rules posting as this is my first time posting here. Howell Penn says it was your 33rd birthday not a milestone and you were sharing the celebration with your brother-in-law. Sounds like a very casual family get together. It was his announcement just as much as his wife's so I don't think you veered into arsehole territory for being a bit uppity with the whole announcing a pregnancy at someone else's birthday was common etiquette

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_00] not to do. So I do think you veered into arsehole territory for being a bit uppity with the whole announcing a pregnancy at someone else's birthday was common etiquette not to do. That said two and a half years to find a house why has it taken them so long? If they're getting on your nerves and this was a symptom of that not the arsehole. Cat's a cat says not the arsehole no one has to be excited about anyone's pregnancy not even their own. Two and a half years of looking for a house they aren't looking well enough. They aren't going anywhere until you and your husband

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_00] do something about it. Lol says not the arsehole if no one seemed excited about the pregnancy why is everyone piling on you saying it was your fault? Sister-in-law didn't even bother to tell you. You had to hear it from other guests while she wasn't even in the room. So if no one else was excited why not your fault? In any case it's very weird to cry and storm out because people aren't excited enough about your life event. Like what exactly are you supposed to do? Not talk about anything else at all?

[00:26:46] [SPEAKER_00] Should you be storming out because sister-in-law chose to talk about her pregnancy on your birthday party instead of spending the entire time talking about you? Like I don't think it's rude to announce these things at a family get together but it is rude to expect the world to revolve around you. Now the commenter says you're the arsehole. Saying yeah I heard comes off as really rude. I would have been hurt too if I was really excited to announce something and someone responded like you did. As soon as you clocked what was happening you could have gone up there and happily said congratulations

[00:27:15] [SPEAKER_00] while giving her a hug but it seems like you didn't really care and ignored her. Also I can understand her announcing it there because it was a time that all her family was in one place. Your birthday's not that important that she can't announce her pregnancy and why wait three days and do it Christmas Eve? It's giving you think your birthday is more important than Christmas Eve. Just saying. Take the L and apologize and admit you were wrong. And the comments were literally all over the place on this one.

[00:27:44] [SPEAKER_00] Not the arsehole. You're the arseholes. Everyone sucks here. But what is your opinion on the matter? Which way would you go in this situation? So leave me checking the comments on this one. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.