AITA For Admitting To My Son That I Love His Mother More Than Him? | r/BestOf

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00] Now, today's first story comes from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit from a throwaway account. And it says, Am I the Arsehole for admitting to my son that I love his mother more than him and telling him he's acting self-centered. My son moved out right after graduating college last year. Since then, he's been very preoccupied with his own life. My wife and I couldn't be prouder of him, but we do wish he made a little more effort to keep in touch, especially since he only lives 30 minutes away.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00] Months would go by without hearing from him, and we were always the ones to reach out first. We never complained about it to him until my wife's birthday. Her birthday was two days ago, and we didn't get a call or a surprise visit. She was a little upset but chose not to confront him. I decided to call him about it, not out of anger, just as a reminder. I said, Hey buddy, you missed your mom's birthday. He immediately apologized and asked me to wish her a happy birthday on his behalf.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00] I told him it would be nice if he could visit us soon because we miss him. Apparently, that set him off. He told me he has his own life to live and that we have ours. I told him I understood but we're still his parents and want to stay close. That's when he bluntly said he doesn't want a close relationship with us and that he's frustrated we won't leave him alone. I asked him why, and out of nowhere, he brought up something from when he was 10 years old.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] He said he overheard my wife and me saying that we love each other more than we love him. I was completely confused because I didn't recall ever saying anything like that. When I asked for more context, he said we have been talking about our own parents' marriages and at some point, I said something along the lines of, Even though I love him a lot, I love his mother the most. My wife apparently agreed with me and that conversation has tainted his view of our relationship ever since.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] I told him there was nothing wrong with what I said and that he was acting like a self-centered brat who thinks the world revolves around him. He told me to go to hell. When I told my wife about what happened, she said I was wrong for calling him that, even though I believe it was true. What I don't get in this situation, you know, his son, clearly someone who can't share things easily, finally said something out loud. Something that's been sitting with him for what, 15 years?

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00] And you know, that's not nothing. It's a risk. And the response from OP was to call him a brat. And it just shows that OP's first instinct wasn't, you know, curious of why he was feeling this way. It was defense that he doesn't remember saying it and therefore the son's pain that he's going through is invalid. So he called him a brat. And personally, I find the whole conversation pretty strange to have anyway, in my opinion. But Violet Mint says you're the arsehole. First of all, he is as you raised him.

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_00] Secondly, kids don't just suddenly decide to let go of relationships with their parents because they heard something like that. In a home with engaged, available parents, kids flip out and tell their parents they've heard something upsetting or they demand to know why they would say such a thing. It ain't just keep it a secret for 20 years. Something else was going on. It may be that you meant that you love your wife and understood that she would be your partner even when your kids grew up and moved on. But clearly, you did make your child feel neglected.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00] If you want a relationship, calling your son a self-centered arsehole isn't a great way to begin. Did it even occur to you to ask how he felt or try to clarify what you meant or express any sadness about the fact that he did not in fact feel loved? Did you think to tell him that you would like to have a better relationship? Do you even want that? It wasn't just the one thing. Other stuff happened that you're not aware of or are actively ignoring. Slater says you're the arsehole. Not for having said what you said.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00] Not for having forgotten you ever said it. Not even for still feeling that way, if that's the case. But for not being able to understand what overhearing a thing like that at the age of 10 would do to a child. And your 16 different flavors of arsehole for not grasping that every day of your son's life, since then has been governed by the belief that if he and his parents were still on a sinking boat and there were only two life jackets, they would gleefully toss him overboard.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00] Surely you don't think a 10-year-old should have knocked on the door and asked the two of you if you all could have an open and honest conversation about what he'd just heard. Your son's entire life since the age of 10 has been spent believing that he never mattered. Not really. To the two people in his world who under normal circumstances would have mattered more than anyone. And you think he's a self-centered brat. ETA, when I said it wouldn't make OP an arsehole if he still felt that he loved his wife more than he loved his child, I neglected to qualify that with,

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00] so long as you don't confess that sentiment out loud. One should escape arsehole judgment if one has shitty thoughts, but also the decency to keep them to oneself and not act on them. Second edit, answer those folks who've fixated on and spent any time debating my being tossed overboard from a sinking boat remark. It's hyperbole people. Jeez. Embarrassed advice says, I mean, can we blame him? He's probably internalized that for years and then you called him spoiled because he thinks you don't love him as much,

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_00] when really, you should have said those are two different forms of love. You're the arsehole. And one more comment who says, yeah, it's not a competition and seems like a weird thing to feel the need to affirm to each other. Obviously horrible for a 10-year-old to understand and process. So unfortunate, but yeah, could track it turned into this if it wasn't a dress. He never opened up about it. Thing is, all that aside, when he opened up about stuff he clearly pent up for many years, you didn't give him any real chance to feel heard and move on from that pain. You double down.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00] Would it have been so tough to just give him space and at least apologize if he overheard it? This is a chance to repair the relationship that sounds like you just pushed him farther away. You're the arsehole that can fix it. So OP did come in with an update and said this morning I had a deeply informative and somewhat emotional conversation with my son. I apologized to him about what I called him and let him speak first, allowing him to get things off his chest. He started by apologizing for forgetting my wife's birthday.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00] He explained that he had been preoccupied with issues in his relationship over the past year, which is one of the reasons he had been distant from us. I asked him why he hadn't come to us for support. He said he didn't want to burden us with his problems. I also asked if he resented us in any way. That's when he opened up about his feelings in more detail. He reassured me that we weren't bad parents. He admitted that we never neglected him, that we loved him and that we were attentive.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00] He also acknowledged that in the end it was okay that we prioritized each other over him. I told him I was happy that he could understand our perspective. I reiterated what many people say, that children eventually leave the house while a spouse stays. My son said that while it was okay for us to have put each other first, it was unfair for us to expect a close relationship with him now, to the point where we want frequent visits and calls.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00] If parenting was just a temporary phase in our lives, then we should be grateful for whatever little attention he chooses to give us. He explained how his feelings had built over time, affected by small things we did, even if we hadn't realized it. He brought up things he had noticed growing up, particularly after overhearing our conversations. He mentioned how we would always greet each other first when coming home from work, even when he was physically closer to us. He also said he felt he didn't get enough individual time with either of us,

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] though he had attributed it to our busy schedules. Then he shared his own perspective on parenting. He told me that when he starts his own family, he would strive to prioritize both his children and his spouse equally. I told him that in practice, that approach wouldn't work, since children eventually move out and start their own families. But he responded by saying he wouldn't expect his hypothetical child to place him on equal footing with a new family they create. In his view, being a parent is a choice that a child has no say in,

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00] and that's why children should be equally important as a spouse. But also understanding that as adults, they won't receive the same level of importance in return. I asked him what he wants going forward. He said he needs time to process and think about our relationship. I told my wife about our conversation. Let's just say she'd been really upset throughout the entire day. She'd been fighting the urge to call my son.

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00] Ugh, even in the update, after his son lays out a really calm and logical explanation of his own feelings, the dad was still basically trying to debate him. His son said, I'd prioritize my kids equally. And the dad's response was basically, well, that ain't gonna work. I just find the whole thing really weird in my opinion. Saying stuff like, oh, kids leave. So, you know, almost like Sodom. It's just so weird.

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter quoted Opie saying, I told him that in practice, but that approach wouldn't work. And then said, millions of parents do it every day. Just because you couldn't, doesn't mean your kid can't. Opie replied saying, millions of parents probably divorce also. Another commenter says, you are still acting like it is reasonable for you to act solely in your own best interest. Even when you have a child. The idea that you shouldn't invest as much in your child because they will leave you is a completely self-centered way of looking at the world.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_00] Unlike you, he is willing to care for others even without reward because that is his duty as a parent. Also, it's not in his view. The parent is the one who made the decision to have a child. That's objectively true. Your wife is distraught because she understands that this is your son basically ending any significant relationship with the two of you. And there was lots of people basically calling Opie an asshole and Opie wasn't having it at all. Just kept arguing back and forth all the time.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from a throwaway account from the relationship advice subreddit. And quick trigger warning before we do get into it. It contains body shaming. So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description along with the timeline below. Thank you. It says,

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00] My 21 female boyfriend, 22 male, tried to gaslight me into getting plastic surgery. Hi. Sorry if this isn't the right thing to post here. I've never actually made a Reddit post before. But I made this account because today I read something that really resonated with me. And I thought it'd be good to actually talk about something that's been bugging me for a while. Please bear with me. So I've been with this guy for nearly two years now. And we were unofficially together for a while before that.

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_00] He is smart, funny, attractive and is probably the best thing to ever happen to me. We rarely argue and this is definitely the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I'm a very straightforward person and have always prided myself on my ability to speak my mind about things that I think are important. Which is why I'm struggling so much here. Because I have no idea how to address the problem that I'm having or whether it even be appropriate for me to talk about it at all.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00] While my relationship makes me very happy, I don't think my partner likes my chest. And it bothers me. Throughout our relationship I've noticed that I'd be on Instagram a lot. Which is normal and fine. But one day I realized that his likes would consist entirely of underwear models, e-girls, Twitch streamers that he's never watched etc. And these photos would all focus on their chest area. I thought nothing of it at first but one day I was on Instagram.

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00] I switched to the likes tab and saw that my boyfriend had just liked a bunch of photos that were basically just various close-ups of women with large breasts and bras and bikinis. It shouldn't bother me. I know it shouldn't. I feel silly writing this but he never ever comments on my breasts. I have a very small chest size. I'm literally an A cup. And it's something I've always been teased about. My sister and friends particularly used to make comments about it. Many of which have stuck with me. I'm an adult now. 21.

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_00] So people don't make childish comments like those anymore. And I'm very much aware of how flat-chested I am compared to other women. My boyfriend's ex is quite busty and so are all the women that he is attracted to. But I'm attracted to women as well and I find all body types to be beautiful. I initially thought my boyfriend would be the same as me in that regard. But I don't know. He's lovely to me but there's just certain occasions where I worry. I'll try wearing cute bras or dresses that sort of emphasize my chest a bit.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00] And he won't be interested or even compliment me. That's really unlike him. As he's usually very complimentary and he'll say nice things about every other part of me. The fact that he seems disinterested in my chest does play upon my insecurity about the area of my body. But I know it isn't his fault. I know if I were to ask him he would reassure me and say he thinks I'm beautiful. I just don't really know what to do. I hear him talking about girls with his friends sometimes. It makes me feel weird to know that he does that.

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00] Especially when he's also happy to like inappropriate photos on Instagram. Knowing full well that all our friends can see his activity. I can't tell what is really bothering me the most here if I'm honest. I don't know if it's 1. Him only using Instagram to look at other girls. 2. The fact that these girls will have bigger breasts than me. And I know he's not all that interested in my chest. 3. The fact that our mutual friends can see him liking these photos of women in lingerie. While also knowing I can see it too.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00] I think I would care a little bit less if these were just celebrities but they are not. One of the reoccurring girls is someone he knows and he went to a birthday party instead of mine this year. In his defense we were in different cities but I did invite him but he didn't want to travel that day. As it would take an hour for him to get to me. I'd also like to clarify that I don't normally pay attention to what he does on social media. This was just something I noticed one day and began paying attention to.

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00] It has reached the point where I will scroll through the likes tab on Instagram now just to see if he's still doing it. And he does it multiple times a day. I don't know how paranoid I'm becoming about this and I know it's unhealthy. Which is why I'm writing this here. Should I address this with him? Is it even right for me to care? I also want to clarify that none of the photos are just selfies or anything like that. They are exclusively revealing or suggestive photos with breasts being the primary focus.

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_00] I obviously don't think there is anything wrong with people posting this sort of content so I apologize if I've come across that way. I'm just concerned about why my boyfriend is so fixated on these things when he will not comment on, touch or even really look at my own chest. Sorry for the long read. So people were saying talk to the boyfriend etc and you know maybe saying OP has got some insecurities but they're absolutely valid given their past etc. Some others commenting on his viewing while he has a girlfriend like that.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00] But OP came in five days later with her update which says I finally confronted my boyfriend and I don't know what to do now. Basically I made a post a few days ago asking what to do because I was concerned about his Instagram to the point of it making me paranoid. And his disinterest in my boobs was making me insecure. Jump cut to today. I finally had the chance to do what you were all suggesting and simply talk to him about it. So about three or four hours ago I sat him down and after a lot of struggling to get my words out I blurted something along the lines of

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00] Do you find my body attractive? He looked confused and said yeah and asked why. So I told him that I know my bra size isn't exactly impressive and that I see his likes on Instagram. His reply was really strange and immediately made me suspicious. He said is it just my likes that bother you without acknowledging the other things I said. So I asked what do you mean? For about a minute or two we were going in a circle and it went something like this.

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_00] He said I was just checking it was only the likes. I said what do you mean? He said I just wanted to make sure you were talking about the likes. I said what else would I be talking about? He said nothing. Hope he said have you been leaving comments? He said no why would that bother you? I said I guess it depends on what they were. He said so it's just the likes then. Hope he said what else is there? He said nothing. Just checking that you're only worried about the likes. Then the conversation went downhill from there.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_00] I tried to bring the conversation back to my initial point about how I was concerned that he didn't find me attractive as them because of my bra size. He just groaned really loudly and sighed. He said and I'm writing this word for word because it's stuck with me since he said it. Look you're beautiful. I just prefer big tits. Like okay no shit but how is someone meant to respond to that? I just sort of sat there and didn't know what to say so he took my hands and he just started talking about how he thinks I'm pretty and wonderful etc.

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_00] And he loves me but he has a specific type that he can't really get turned on by flat chess. It might be an A cup but I'm not fucking flat. But that's not the issue. I'm just stunned that he said that. Anyways. I asked if he's ever been turned on by my breasts and he said not really. Then I asked if he's ever been turned on by girls on Instagram and he said well yeah. That stung but was obvious.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00] I asked him why he doesn't just watch porn and he said he does but he likes Instagram as well because it's more personal. Oh what the fuck. I asked him if he ever messaged him and he said he messaged the one girl that he actually knows and whose birthday he went to instead of mine. He insisted it wasn't flirty or anything and I believe him. I was very sad and quiet after a while so he just started saying that he isn't going to stop looking at other girls because that would be like telling a kinky person that they can only have vanilla sex.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00] And he kept promising me that he still thinks I'm amazing etc. But then and still while talking in this cute sympathetic voice he said if this is really getting to you you could get a boob job. Just get a boob job. Just go get plastic surgery. Just spend loads of money that you don't have. Sure it's just that simple. I think I stopped being sad at this point and started getting angry because I couldn't believe he said that. And I still can't. The most annoying part was that he was so chill about it.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00] Even after he clearly hurt me. He just sort of shrugged off my reaction and continued like I just think it'll help you feel better. I don't want surgery. I'm scared of hospitals and I've had surgery before and it was awful. He is fully aware of this. I never wanted plastic surgery either and I don't think I'd ever have the money for it. Though I don't really know how much it costs. I still feel like shit though. I've always had insecurities about not having large breasts because it's something I was teased about and most people are bigger than me.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00] But I've never felt the need to actively try and change it. As a whole I do like my body even if it's not perfect you know. I don't want surgery. And I know he's not forcing me to get it but the way he said it and continued to talk about it. I just feel like shit. Am I really that unattractive to him? I asked him to leave after a while because the conversation was upsetting me too much and I just wanted to be on my own. He was really sweet and kissed my forehead as he left and it's making me feel like I'm overreacting.

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_00] He's literally the best boyfriend I could ever ask for and he's always been wonderful to me. I shouldn't be reacting like this to something so minor and I know I'm being dramatic but I just feel awful and I don't know what to do. I'm not gonna get plastic surgery but he literally isn't attracted to my body. Well not my breasts. I don't want him to cheat on me. I doubt he ever would anyway. He's honestly amazing but he does prefer other girls. That means he's gonna leave me one day unless I get better for him but I don't know how.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe start having threesomes with other girls? That could end so badly though. I'm too anxious for that right now. I don't know what to do. This all happened today so it's very fresh and I just feel awful and helpless. Any advice would be appreciated please. Opie came in with another post four days after the last one and said Am I, 21 female, overthinking or is this strange? My boyfriend is in the shower and left his phone behind because it was charging.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00] My phone was on 13% so I decided to use this charger while my boyfriend wasn't using his phone. Anyway, the screen lit up when I removed the charger. His lock screen, background, whatever you want to call it, is a picture of him holding another girl. This girl, let's call her Lucy, is a friend of his so it shouldn't be strange. But this year he chose to go to a birthday party instead of mine and he likes a lot of inappropriate pictures of her on Instagram. I don't really know much about my boyfriend's dynamic with Lucy

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_00] but I know they communicate regularly. But I've never been suspicious of anything between them. I've also never seen this photo before but it seems very recent. I didn't unlock his phone because I feel like snooping would be a huge violation but am I right for finding this a little odd? My phone background is always either a photo of him or a photo of the two of us and he'll make comments if I change it. I only play four comments but he'll jokingly sulk about it unless my lock screen and background is him or us.

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00] I know his background has been a picture of me for a while so I'm not sure when he changed it. Should I say anything? I don't want him to think I'm angry. I'm not. I just find it a little strange I suppose. I've also not been feeling very good about myself lately so I know I could be overthinking right now. Sorry. Opie then comes in with another update and says Life really is an absolute fucking adventure. Thank you all for your messages. I'm on mobile and I don't know how to link my previous post

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00] but basically unplug the charger and then rehashes what we just read. And it says so here's the update. He came out of the shower and immediately made a beeline for his phone. When he noticed I unplugged it. He immediately asked why. I responded honestly and said that I wanted to charge my phone. I then decided to what everyone suggested. I asked him about his background. I wasn't aggressive or anything I literally just said so I noticed I'm not your background anymore in a playful tone. Just like how he talks to me when I charge mine.

[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_00] He asked if that was a problem and I said no. And I didn't want the conversation to end like that so I asked him why he chose that photo. He didn't like this question. He didn't raise his voice he just looked at me funny and asked what I meant. Then he asked me if I was jealous of the girl in the pic. I said no. I was just surprised because I didn't realize that they were that close. He asked me if I went through his phone and I said no. This whole time he was being so calm and nice and he didn't seem at all angry.

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_00] He's always lovely to me and he was being so good about this. He's always lovely to me. He really is and I mean that. But his question about me going through his phone worried me a little because why would he need to ask me that? But even though he remained super calm. He asked me again if I went through his phone and he just kept asking. It was like he said, Did you go through my phone? I said no. He said are you sure? I said yes. He said do you promise? I said yes I promise.

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_00] And then he said it would be a deal breaker if he ever did find out that I had been snooping. I hadn't snooped and would never snoop and I told him that. He just kissed me on the forehead and took his phone and basically just started messaging someone and watching stuff on his laptop. So the conversation was clearly over for him. I didn't know what to say or do at this point because I was just feeling really guilty. But I was also concerned that he thought I wasn't trustworthy. I felt bad for bringing up the photo. I was really quiet but just watched YouTube with him for a bit.

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_00] He usually gets pretty handsy with me when we watch stuff together. He did this time too but I wasn't really feeling it so I declined his advances. He kept trying and was playfully saying things like don't be so sulky. When I said I wasn't sulking and that I just wasn't in the mood. He said this is because of Lucy isn't it? He still had that playful voice but it really surprised me and I felt embarrassed and guilty and annoyed. I don't remember what I said but I think I denied it being due to her.

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_00] He stopped touching me and sighed and then told me he thought I was being too jealous and insecure lately and that I was projecting all my feelings onto Lucy. He didn't shout or anything and he seemed more disappointed or concerned than mad but it was just so much that I'm still really confused by it. I've never been a jealous person but it's true that I can be insecure sometimes. I don't feel good about my breast size and I don't feel good enough for my boyfriend because he's so amazing and so attractive.

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_00] I've never let that affect anything though and this is truly the best and most healthy relationship I've ever been in and we never have conflict. I apologize and said I didn't mean to project and I asked him what he meant by that. He said that it's obvious that my insecurity about my body is having a bad effect on me and is making me jealous of girls with better bodies. What? He then proceeded to unlock his phone and go to Lucy's Instagram and scroll through, showing me all the photos of her in various bikinis and cosplays etc while asking me if

[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_00] I felt jealous. At this point I started to cry and I'm still embarrassed by that. I wasn't crying out of jealousy. I just couldn't understand what was going on and I was so embarrassed. My boyfriend didn't get angry or anything. He just hugged me and said, see? You're too insecure. Then he began talking about how I should get a boob job. He mentioned this several times over the past few days since I asked him if he found my breast size unattractive and he said no. I told him I don't want surgery.

[00:25:26] [SPEAKER_00] He knows this but he said it's the only way I'm going to stop being insecure and I'm just going to resent other women if I don't change. I had shown me photos of women who had gotten breast implants and saying stuff like, look how happy she is and look, this girl is even bigger than Lucy. But I just felt miserable. I still do. I have all the things to say to me. Why say this? Why show me this shit when I've said I don't want surgery? He wasn't being mean but that shit really still stings.

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_00] I told him I'm really not projecting onto Lucy at all and that I didn't care about her breast size. And I told him that I only mentioned his lock screen because he always complains when mine isn't a photo of him or us. I was pretty distressed at this point. He wasn't really responding, just sort of looking at me. It was frustrating. Then I asked why he went to her birthday instead of mine. I was pretty worked up at this point so I just sort of blurted it out. His response baffled me so much that I stopped crying because I was so confused. I'm still confused.

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_00] He said that he didn't go to her party and that he went to mine. Literally all I could say was, what? He said that he wouldn't have done that and that I was just remembering wrong. I'm not remembering wrong. I remember it perfectly. I remember us even talking on the phone that night. We've had conversations about him going to her party. I know some of the people he went with. It literally happened. But he said it didn't. While being completely calm and sincere. He said I must have been too drunk to remember the night properly.

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_00] But that's ridiculous because it's not remotely true. He kept saying, don't you remember? And then telling me things that literally didn't happen that night. But he was so sure. And now I'm doubting myself so much. My birthday was very recently as well. So I didn't know why I'm struggling to remember. I'm just so confused. He was certain. He's not a liar. He's never lied to me about anything before. But also it's just such a bizarre thing to lie about. He was dead serious though. It was so weird.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00] He changed the subject back to my breast size. And I just walked out of the bathroom because I needed a breather. When I came back he was watching Doom Patrol and acting if nothing happened. I got into bed and tried to sleep. This morning he was gone when I woke up. And he's spoken a lot less today because I don't know what to say to him. I feel so confused and everything is just so bizarre right now. I don't understand what happened. I feel like I'm being crazy. I didn't know what to do. I rang him a few hours ago and apologized for everything. And he reassured me and said that.

[00:27:49] [SPEAKER_00] Let's sort out my body so I can stop being so paranoid. I wanted to ask about the birthday thing again because it was just so weird. But I didn't know what to say so I left it alone. Am I just paranoid? What should I do? I feel like I can't trust my own thoughts right now. I'm just so fucking lost. I don't want to lose him. Edit. And the reaction to this has really blown me away. I'm reading as many comments as I can. I'm taking all your words on board. Thank you to each and every person who has taken the time to give me advice.

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_00] And sorry if I haven't replied. There's a lot for me to deal with right now. I'm very emotionally exhausted. I'd also like it if people could stop calling me an idiot, stupid, etc. You don't know what it's like not being able to trust your own thoughts and feelings due to the behavior of a master manipulator. And you can kind of get a hint of what those comments were like just based on that edit. Many people pointing out the gas lighting that's going on within this story and how concerning it is. But then OP did come in with their final update.

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_00] And says this is going to be the last post I make about this situation. I want to put the whole thing behind me and focus on moving forward now. But my last post got a lot of responses. So I felt though I needed to say at least something on the matter. A lot of you have been greatly helpful to me in this time and I appreciate that more than I can say. To those of you calling me an idiot or saying I was making excuses for him. I wasn't. Evidently I knew his actions were wrong. Otherwise I wouldn't have made the post to begin with.

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_00] I clarified that he was usually very nice to me because he was. He's helped me through panic attacks, paid for a lot of my food when I've had no money, defended me against a previous abuser, and always been very attentive prior to recent incidents. Of course I knew that his actions in my post were wrong. I was trying to stress that he is not normally like this and that he was not aggressive with me. This is a man that I felt safe with because he had given me all the reason in the world to feel safe with him.

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_00] He protected me from a lot and literally came to my aid at 3am once when I was alone and distraught on some random beach. Of course he had my complete trust. Anyway, following my last post I basically avoided him and confided in some of my real life friends about it. In doing so, one of them, let's call her Daisy, brought me to the realization that I was never that insecure about my body and that my boyfriend had simply been making me feel that way.

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_00] It sort of feels like a weight has been lifted in that regard but the realization made me so so so angry. I rarely get angry but talking to everyone and reading everything and learning more about gaslighting made me so pissed. Then there was the icing on the cake. Two of my friends confirmed that he did indeed go to Lucy's party. No shit, but Lucy hadn't actually wanted him there. She's apparently very aware of his obsession with her and isn't entirely comfortable with it. Great, I guess I'm fucking blind.

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_00] That really was the final straw for me. So last night when I saw him, I asked him about the party again and whether he went to mine or Lucy's. Again, he said mine. I told him that I'm not an idiot and that our friends could all confirm his whereabouts. He seemed bothered that I'd been talking to people about the situation and he started with a whole, your jealousy is getting really bad shit. At that point, I lost my temper. I told him I wasn't jealous. I was just trying to understand why he's lying to me about something so dumb. It wasn't even a good lie.

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_00] We had a pretty rough argument and I brought up his constant comments about surgery and as we argued, little things started dawning on me about other stuff he had previously done. I cried a lot. He kept trying to be calm, but it didn't always work. But yeah, I'll spare the gory details. I did try to break up with him, but I don't think it sunk in. As far as I'm concerned, we're over. But he doesn't seem to really get it yet. I'm sure he will soon. I've blocked him on everything and I'm going to keep my distance.

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_00] But we have a lot of the same friends, so fully cutting him out isn't going to be as easy as I would like. I'm done with this though. He dominated so much of my life and I'm still doubting myself so much about everything. But I have a lot of good friends helping me. Apparently he was weird about Lucy even when he was with his ex. I think I might talk to her about the situation. I want to keep moving forward. I need to get past this fucking fog in my brain that he put there. When we met, he told me he'd lost a sibling in a car crash.

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_00] Yet no one ever spoke about it and I thought that was strange. At the time I thought it was due to grief, but now I think no one spoke about it because it didn't fucking happen. I had so much faith in this man and for a long, long time he really was my best friend. I already miss him and it fucking sucks, but frankly I've overcome worse. I'll be fine. Thank you for your support. All the messages were very overwhelming, but I read every single one of them and they did help. I hope you're all having a wonderful day.

[00:32:28] [SPEAKER_00] And that's so awful what OP had to go through because he had spent months making her feel insecure. Something that, you know, she never previously lost sleep over or whatever. And then, you know, came up with this whole surgery thing as the compassionate solution to her insecurity problem. You know, he had a plan, he had a system, whatever you want to call it. But for her on the inside, it was invisible because she kept describing him as literally the best boyfriend she'd ever had.

[00:32:58] [SPEAKER_00] Right up until her friends confirmed what she actually already knew. He was just gaslighting her all the way through it, making her feel bad. What a scummy person that is. And I'm so glad that she did get out of that situation. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:33:28] [SPEAKER_00] Take care and much love.

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_01] Bye. Bye.